broken hearted over libra mans HOT then COLD.....

i am SO glad i found this board. i've read thru these posts, and can see SO MANY similarities re: how my libra man acts. we've only been dating since nov. it was HOT & HEAVY all thru nov & dec. we met online (dating site), so it was daily emails & texts, getting to know each other...... we have a LOT of common interests, mutual friends, similar tastes, outlooks, and everything was GREAT. we've spent 2 weekends together, and had probably the best first (blind) date ever. *i* thought...... we were headed toward being a couple. i thought we were both online looking for someone, and were both lucky to have have found someone so cool with shared interests. it was constant flirting and constant compliments and constant planning for future months - future dates, future weekends, future visits.

so the last time he was in town was x-mas; he invited me to a small party with his closest/oldest friends on christmas eve..... i met his friends, they seemed to like me, everything was great. why would i *not* think we were essentially, ummm, a couple. — we spent the rest of the weekend together, he goes back home on monday...... and everything. is. now. just. different. i continue to write the same type of emails and texts to him that i had been writing all throughout nov/dec, but i get very little reply. or it takes 2 days for him to email back, whereas previously it was a constant back & forth enthusiasm. WHAT HAPPENED— i asked him for a week straight why the change? and all he would say is, i've been busy. it doesn't make sense. then FINALLY i get him to say that he is impulsive to a fault and doesn't know how far things could (or should) go with us living in different states. is this libra being flaky & indecisive? what should i do...... i don't want to pressure him, but it will also KILL ME to lose what i have with him. thoughts—

oh - i should add, i am a scorpoi, and a very intense one at that. i am a pleaser, i like to give and make a man happy, all i can think is that it was too much for him? everthing was great when it was more relaxed, but looking back i guess i ramped things up too quickly. have i scared him off for good? even if i admitted to him that maybe i came at it too strongly (i am VERY rational) and am willing to cool it down. the problem is, that in "cooling it down", i now only hear form him like once a week, and it is definitely COLDER and there are no longer invites to come visit him, talks of coming back to see me, or anything of the sort. do i need to accept that i blew it— or will he re-consider what we had, and reappear? i'm so confused, and cant stand having been built up with passion and promises, only to have the rug cruelly pulled out form under me..........

XXX: All I can tell you to do is just chill out. I am a scorpio too and you know how we can get when we find someone we like. My Libra guy is kind of hot & cold too. He's hot right now, but I know that eventually he is going to pull back. You just have to find something to occupy your time and brain. I know its super hard, but you have to do it. Let him contact you first and chill out on the mushy stuff because he is obviously going through this thinking stage. I think that he still has feelings, but you can't be too available for him. These are some things that I have learned dealing with Libras. They have to feel they are in control, but we know the real deal...lol

Also, I know it's killing you. Mine is killing me inside as well. I just find stuff to do until he texts me or drops by. I really hate that I am liking him like this sometimes and I don't know how he really feels in actual words (he has said that he really likes me a lot and we spend loads of time together, but I want more!!). You just have to chill and he will let you know..

You met on a dating site. How long has been on that site? Over a year than he's most likely just roaming around trying to get a hit/connection with someone. I know that you spent an enormous amount of time together but you made a whole hell of a lot of assumptions throughout the process and per my understanding he never confirmed any of it. I don't know if he felt the same way but if he's backed out most likely the connection you felt was not as mutual as you assumed. I would encourage you to move on and continue to date other men, connection doesn't mean a damn thing to men these days, they have the same connections with coffee and porn. I would caution you to move forward and continue seeking a man that is AVAILABLE, way too many women messing with these emotionally unavailable men and wasting their lives away. Libra men are stubborn like us Aqua's, they are pretty fixed in there ways and if you begin to allow him to have a relationship on his terms you will be stuck. If a man is hot and cold then he's not sure about you and that means he's not as interested in you as they led you to believe, I dated a libra and he was never hot and cold, he was a whole lot of stuff but not that. HOt and Cold means I'm still looking for my dreamgirl, your not it.

I don't say this to put anyone down, if a woman wants to wait and see how it plays out by all means do so but I can tell the ending is not good, the woman feels ignored, abandoned, forgotten, left behind, vulnerable, emotionally exposed, panicky, anxious and angry, WHO NEEDS THAT? I mean don't you deserve an available man, a man that doesn't disappear so soon out the gate of the relationship? Most of these online myspace facebook men are huge active commitment phobic runners. Do you really want to be with someone you can't have? Do you really want to spend the majority of your time and thoughts passively chasing a man in your thoughts and waiting on a man?

Something to really think about, once the hot and cold behavior starts it never ever stops. I encourage you to go date other men, stop worrying about this one man that doesn't want to make himself available in your life. If he's truly busy as he says he is then okay he's busy and he will be back to pick things up again but if he's truly gone cold you will be waiting for awhile and you will get stuck in the hot cold cycle so either way you will be waiting on him, waiting for him to call, to talk, to come to you, to email you....ARGH.

tiki 33 -- i do understand what you're saying, and i am inclined to agree that if i am feeling neglected now, odds are i will always feel that way. i.e., maybe my emotional needs are greater than what he is capable of putting out. i don't know, yet. but i do know that for the first 2 months we were both firing on the same plane, he was waaaaaaay more emotional, forward, telling me how awesome i am, saying WHY WHY WHY do you have to live in (my city), telling me i have to come to visit him in january, and he wouldn't have taken me to an intimate get together on christmas eve to meet his friends (btw mostly married couples) if he didn't feel serious on *some* level, right— i adamantly don't think it was one sided, just me having all the feelings and misreading his enthusiasm. but i do know that something changed, and i think it was probably my getting "mushy" so to speak and the fact sinking in to him that we are in different cities. which doesn't matter a bit to me.....

also, re: your opening with: you met on a dating site. yes, but it was a paid site. it was not poking around myspace for someone cute. i was kind of skeptical about joining a dating site at first, too........ but then i realized that a lot of people on the sites (even MORESO the ones you are paying $ 35. a month for) maybe work too much and don't really get out of thier circle where you might meet someone new. at least if you meet someone there, you know they are single and looking, and *hopefully* available. it was a joke between us, like, where are we going to say we met—

the thing is, since reading the posts on this site, i am seeing a pattern of libra men acting back & forth. being random and unpredictable. and also glossing over things (which he does) and almost avoiding communicating. i sent him a text saying that i was sincerely sorry if i had come at him too strongly, i was just overly enthusiastic and i would try to respect his boundaries. his response? all goodie. that's it. then he goes out for a beer and catches me later. REALLY—

Coming on strong is a huge RED FLAG for commitment phobe, I too was like many many women on this site which is why I gained my passion to learn about the behaviors of men and to see the signs and yes some are very subtle by nature. I honestly feel dating sites especially paid ones are fine but I just wish women would understand paid or not paid the men usually tend to be commitment phobes, now this isn't to discourage you but it's to encourage you to HOLD BACK when you first meet someone meaning always have one foot on the ground even if he's the one actively pursuing you in the beginning. IMO after 6 months thats a good amount of time to meet friends...he was moving way too fast.

Some men love love love the honeymoon phase, it's hot, it's heavy, it's brand new, it's fun, some men literally consume you like your food and then he loses interest, you have to pace men when they are fast movers or he will consume you and throw you down like nothing, like your a used toy. Why? Because for several reasons, he either doesn't know a damn thing about what to do after the honeymoon phase is over, after the honeymoon phase is over it's BONDING time it some men's mind that means LOSS OF FREEDOM, coupling up, and some of these guys don't have any interest in bonding beyond the honeymoon, too much work, no fun equals no interest which equals to cold behavior. I'm not saying what you felt isn't real for you, it's as real as you want it to be but for a man it's pretty routine, he can feel the exact same way with the next girl and the next woman and the female bus driver, and that great cup of mocha Jo at Starbucks, this connection thing means hardly anything to men. This is were I see many and I mean many women fail to recognize this connection thing, most men don't even know what a connection is.

By all means explore this if you have to but I would encourage you to move on at some point if your serious about a relationship and maybe re-learn the new rules of dating, it's so different out here now and it pays to have knowledge of the different types of men and there behavior patterns and recognizing them quickly and why it's important not to be too available if you want to get past the honeymoon phase with men if your seriously wanting a real relationship. Dating and connection even if he feels it doesn't necessarily mean a man is ready to throw away his single life style .

Even if he's not commitment phobic, he's blowing cold to RE-BALANCE the relationship to were HE'S COMFORTABLE, usually when they go cold they are trying to temper things to a comfortable pace as to not move too much more faster. You were already assuming a lot of things and once a man sense this kind of anticipation it makes him realize your not dating to date and have fun, your dating to get a commitment and he's off, running blowing cold. Once feelings get involved it takes it from fun to serious and poof he's gone.

Anything can destroy a connection, moving too fast, other women, money issues, life issues, once a man gets focused somewhere else, away from you he's usually looking for more of these so called connections and he's distracted by his own life issues, he will most likely come back around and you should decide if he's worth it if he's going to be in and out, you either nip it now or accept this is what he's going to do when things get too close, too familiar, too predictable.

thanks for tolerating my ramblings. i'm just SO confused and don't know where else i would get advice and answers....... it's like someone puilled a switcheroo on me, like took the guy i had been seeing, and replaced him with someone who doesn't give a toss. it's weird. and if he is unavailable emotionally, or doesn't want to "couple" or "build" than i can't understand why he is paying monthly to be on a site to potentially meet someone.

i did learn a hard lesson. now i look back and wonder if we would still be thriving if we had both played it cooler. grrrrrrrrr. i always scoffed at the dating rules. i thought if i liked someone i would be forthcoming. if i don;t let him know i want him...... i might lose him to someone else who DOES let him know, no? i also thought that if we had so much mutual outlook, it might be hard for him to replace that with just any old girl (i know i can't find things i like so much in just any old guy that i encounter....) i guess it's just my ego talking. really, i plan to walk away, EVEN THOUGH god i do like him soooooooooooo much. but i keep coming back to the thought that if he wanted to be around me, he would be making plans to be around me. period. i just feel somehow, tricked. it doesn't make sense. i don't think i have the constitutional make up to "date". i thought this felt *right*, but i guess it totally wasn't. you guys have given me some good input though, and i appreciate it. 🙂

Dating is confusing and I would encourage you to find any and everything you can get your hands on and educate yourself, you don't have to live by anyones rules, you really don't but if you fail to pick up fast in this dating thing, if you fail to recognize an unavailable guy from an available guy, if you fail to realize never ever assume anything ever then you will have a bumpy painful road with men.

Even if he's paying it doesn't mean he's serious, I mean some of these guys are looking for quality women and will pay to meet them but it doesn't mean he is any better than the commitment phobic girl cruising jerk on an unpaid site. Moving to fast is for him not you, once he figures you out, once the mystery is gone, once he senses your intentions to couple up and not just date to randomly date they are gone, most don't stick around to continue on because after he gets to know you, after the talks of moving together or moving to each others town then the relationship has SHIFTED, it's shifted into the serious side of life and most likely he isn't ready for it although he's actively pursuing and chasing it, once the shift begins everything changes and most don't have an inkling of interest to go past the beginning stage of the relationship so poof he's gone, your no longer of value and that feeling sucks, it really hurts a woman to endure this kind of crappy mentality.

He conquered you, now he's gone off to conquer and bag another. You must slow down, you must learn how to be emotionally challenging and ask the right questions that will help you understand who he is, again the have one foot on the floor concept at all times helps you to slow down and figure out is this some random guy that chases random connections or is this a guy that truly is ready for a emotionally mature relationship beyond the fun good stuff, can he handle the hard stuff too, if you FAIL to find that out then you suffer, you end up with bad dating experiences which can make a woman frustrated and jaded.

There are good men, all it takes is ONE but you have to learn how to not burn yourself out in the process. Give a bit less and learn a bit more.

I question men that don't date women in there own town, usually it's a huge RED FLAG he has some commitment issues, the distance is safe and he doesn't have to remain connected to any one woman, he can just randomly date as many women out of town as he likes and dump a few if they get too demanding with little to no regret.

I of course think he will come back around but I would be a bit more self protective with my energy if I were you.

see this gets more & more complicated, because neither of us SET OUT to date someone in another town. i saw that he had viewed my profile, we had a whole lot in common, and he happens to originally be from my town. i sent a msg saying, too bad you're not in (my city) because i'd love to meet ya for a drink!............. and it all snowballed from there. i figured he would be back here visiting frequently enough that we could make a go of it, plus i was willing to travel there every so often. everything sounded great. we are, seriously, great for each other. but nowwwwwww i'm thinking i have to go google the traits of un emotionally unavailable man. because i can't wrap my head around the idea of someone being on a site to meet someone, then meeting someone, and then backing away from it. i thought he would want to shout at the top of his lungs, hey i've met the coolest girl ever................. and he's not. so yeah, do i let him do his thing for a few weeks and get his mind/wants sorted, or do i pack it in now, consider it a failure, and continue to search for another 2 years for someone who suits me. i'm trying.

i also KNOW that when he does plan a trip back into town (i hear these libras always pop back up) do i tell him to get bent, and that he hadn't treated me the way i wanted to be treated................. or, do i happily meet him for a fun weekend (bc it WILL be fun) and just be satisfied with that. i point blank asked him, have you had a change of heart? are you "just not that into me"? do you not want to do the long distance thing? have you met someone you like more? all very rationally....... you have to tell me these things, i can handle it. it's better than leaving me hanging. and he just said that he didn;t expect that we would be having such strong feelings so quickly. ok, fine, so we can cool it down. but cool it down to the point of barely talking any more....... and well, what's the point in even dating at all? GAHHHHHH!!!✨% $ @!✨#% # $

I notice you keep putting your intentions onto him. You don't know him well enough to know his patterns, to know his past behaviors, you only know what he told you. If he came to your town then he's accustomed to meeting women in other cities, don't be naive.

You asked him all those questions?? Yep you spoofed the hell out of him. I see a few unattractive things you say and do and you make a huge amount of assumptions.

Do you want a exclusve committed monogamous relationship? If you do then he's most likely not it, if you don't then continue to see him when you can and see if there is something to build from, see if it can grow into a strong bond.

"I notice you keep putting your intentions onto him. You don't know him well enough to know his patterns, to know his past behaviors, you only know what he told you. If he came to your town then he's accustomed to meeting women in other cities, don't be naive."

i only know what he's told me, and that is that he has had a series of long term realtionships, most recently about an 8 month realtionship that ended in the fall. i have no reason to think he isNOT looking for another long term relationship.....

"You asked him all those questions?? Yep you spoofed the hell out of him. I see a few unattractive things you say and do and you make a huge amount of assumptions."

i asked him these questions, via email, only because the tone of our relationship had changed once he left town after xmas. he was distant, kept saying he "was busy", and i needed for him to tell me the truth about whatever was causing him to back away after being just as into it i was....... for like all of nov and dec..... i was trying to tell him that i could handle anything he had to say to me, but he just had to say it. i really could not just go on with brief emails every 2 days, after we had established a pattern of like DAILY communication. how could i have handled it better?? i really do want to know....... if the cause was ME and not just him being random, i want to learn from that, trust me!! and the only assumptions i ever made were based on things he TOLD me. i assumed he wanted to be with me, because he was the one who had been planning activities for us in jan and march. then it changed. with no explanation.

Do you want a exclusve committed monogamous relationship? If you do then he's most likely not it, if you don't then continue to see him when you can and see if there is something to build from, see if it can grow into a strong bond.

i do want a commited realtionship, i just can't see how people play these games of investing so much time in someone who is putting their best face forward only to switch gears on you and not even have the decency to tell you WHY. i was completely honest at every step. i now feel like to make it work you have to be, not so honest, and eat a lot of crow about how you are feeling. i just don't get it.

Slow go slow and don't take his word for it or any mans word for it, look at his actions, write it down if you have to, do a timeline, ask reasons why he has never married, most say I haven't found the right woman the perfect woman but that is a huge red flag because there is no such thing as the perfect woman, seems he has a history of short long term relationships, that is a huge red flag that he has commitment issues. You just assumed like many women assume and for the lack of the better word got dumped because of the assumption, the men lose interest because they are just dating to date with no ultimate outcome at the end.

Asking those questions came from you and they should not have came out of your mouth, HE SHOULD BE ASKING YOU THESE QUESTIONS, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. Asking these type of questions let a man know that you are way ahead of him in the relationship department, it lets him know your sitting up thinking about him as a long term prospect and he hasn't even given it much thought yet. You moved too fast, he got spoofed and he left, it doesn't mean he won't come back but it will never be the same for you becuase he's going to drag his feet and keep you waiting.

He may not be looking for anything, talk is all talk, it's apparant due to his distance he was just talking and even if he wants something long-term it doesn't mean he wants it with you. You did what many women do, assume you want the same things and assume whatever what he wants, he wants it with you because he's discussing it with you but realistically he's just talking.

so again i go back to my gut instinct that all (most) men are liars, and don't want to be committed...... even thought they will put on the act that they do, and spend months convincing a girl that they do......... but to what gain— it just doesn't make any sense to me.

i neglected to say before that his visiting me//long distance thing, is probably NOT the norm for him re: online dating. his parents live here, like 15 min from me.... & while we were 'getting to know you", he did make it a point to tell me he comes home to visit every 6-8 weeks or so. a relationship was possible.

i guess i spooked him, but it wasn't fair (yeah life's not fair) for him to say things like, oh, well, going through an email checklist of what he likes in a woman and how i check off every single trait -- physical/intellectual/political/and style /tastes. but..... he didn't want the LTR with *me*? it just wasn't right to make such a big to-do about our compatibility and then leave ME feeling like the one who got too mushy about how i feel. i definitely learned. next time i meet a guy i like, i will take it slow. s-l-o-w. it just goes against my natural desire to be honest and open. i should have been aloof, and elusive, and maybe even not had the time to get together when he was last in town. then i bet he'd be writhing for me!!! why must it always be games—

you asked about, why he is not married..... i asked him once, jokingly saying, so all your close friends are married, what are you like afraid of commitment (seriously joking...) and he says, ok pot calling kettle black. you're single!!!! then at his friends house, his old roomate says (quite awkwardly in front of me i might add) so when are you going to take the plunge and join married life, and he laughs and says, never!! the friend says, yeah i would have to be there for that. i'd be laughing, well at you, and moreso at the girl. *awkward nervous laughter from me*
so then proceeds to bring it up to me for the next TWO days, how his friends are always throwing him under the bus, making him seem like a joke and it hurts his feelings....... like it really got to him. so i thought he wanted me to take him in a more serious light. now it's just clear to me that i would be smart to walk away, regardless of the fact that he seriously just makes me weak in the knees. i feel bad for his next victim! thx again for letting me vent. you do have really great insight. 🙂

hypnotic, hunny, i don't want to control anyone....... i just expect that if you begin a relationship with me, you are man enough to be honest, not give me mixed signals, and see/appreciate a good thing when you've got it.

if it pleases you to come on STRONG & HOT, spend 2 months with someone, then back off COLD for no apparant reason and with no explanation, than perhaps i should be laughing at you. plain and simple.

if you really were smart, as you say, you would hold on to a good woman when you find one. if you prefer to have mess and drama in your life, then it leaves me wishing i hadn't met you. c'est ca.

ok, well if you are a libra of the "treetrunking" mindframe, could you for a minute try to put yourself into the mindframe of maybe someone who is a little more genuine............. i mean seemed to be more genuine. what do i know. 😉

He never answered the question why he wasn't married another red flag, his friends jokingly was warning you about his intentions by putting him on the spot and he said never, he would never get married, that was your que to shake his hand say thanks for the fun but marriage is important to me and politely exit and get the hell out of there. When women begin asking these hard questions especially questions he hasn't even thought about and thought about with you, everything comes to a screeching halt, he's backing out, he isn't feeling that this relationship will be easy ....poof...he's gone.

He's a bit of a phobe....

Even thou tiki went a little too hard and one sided on us libras(lol) I kinda have to agree too keep your mind occupied and date other men. Another thing can he is in this retrograde(if you in to astrolog got look in to these things too.) that affecting some or most libras.Ask him if he reflecting on some personal things. (Be prepared to hear a lot of stuff) Also you did come too strong and it didnt scare him off cuz libra like a assertive woman but not a controling one. Also libra like being in relationships So let him know your serious about being with him and this isnt a game. The hot and cold thing that I see with libras(not all) including myself is we go so hard just to get with someone We will get overbearing with everything but the minute we have you the challege is over, Mission complete. If you want to turn the heat on again create a obstacle for him to overcome. Make mountains for him to climb it will keep him on his toes for a long time until he overcome it and when he does put another mountain there for him to climb. The biggest thing you have to remember>>>its only 2 months if you really want something to build, slow down great things takes time and if you want your relationship to something of greatness both of you guys have to build it. So talk to him dont text be direct but not overbearing(thats what us libras do..well for me sometimes)

Posted by shqip1
be careful with Libras as they are very canning with most, but they can kiss my ass

LOL@kiss my ass

LOL@sleepyrebel, I did go hard huh, that's just my style , my intentions are good though...Your advice is awesome I love male perspective on things like this, I like the part about create a challenge for him, awesome advice.

tiki it is good that you go hard at us libras but i think its need too keep our heads out the clouds and our feet on the ground at least for me I rather be surround by people like that. Hey it can be harsh like a @# $ % ^ but as long it has good intentions I am okay with it, with the challenge thing you said that you dated a libra. Do you or did you realize that in the start of it all he was all over you right? At the same time I'm guessing you didnt give him the time of day, but the mintue you caved in he was happy and then he got cold but I assure you if gave the image that he had you and revealed that he didnt. Watch him do circles lol. I think its cool for a male to help out its only fair(

Excellent advice, Tiki.
Personally, Scorpio women + Libra men = not good in my eyes..
He will make you lose your mind and you will torture him to become your prisoner..
its a negative spiral down the drain...
I have seen scorpio-libra work out, but then the scorpio women has never a chance to complain..

Posted by Hypnotic—
confessions from a libra male :

a libra is played once..
rarely twice..

then, he learns to fuck with women minds..
cuz he doesn't give a fuck anymore..

this isn't true for every libra of course..
but.. it's sthg a libra would never tell you..

click to expand

But with this mindset, he will attract a true psychopath who is a much much stronger manipulator.. and he wouldnt know he's being played.
Ive seen it in action

A healthy person rejects/ does not play mind games. Once they start, it becomes destructive.

It depends on whether you TRULY want to let her go. . .
Libra finds it hard to let go of people, even though they have hurt them.

One way to let someone go is to block them completely.
Delete them from MSN, facebook, your email contacts, phone number, etc etc.

But this usually has a negative repercussion - cause you just bounce back.

The best way would be to talk to her, and resolve things. Amicably, as Libra does.
Make it very clear on your stand. They need to have NO DOUBTS on where you stand so there is no more gap for manipulation.

The best way to 'let go' is to resolve things, not keep them up in the air, cause they cause more problems that continue to build.
Nip things at the bud so they don't fester.

Hope it helps; it is not easy to do but this is the best and only way I have found out.

thanks for all the help guys...... getting this all out on paper has really helped me step back and view the situation for what it is instead of just sitting in a puddle of emotion. i think i just got sooooooo caught up in how much i truly LIKE this guy, that i was willing to put up with some crap (his dragging his feet and playing the disappearing game) that i shouldn't. a guy who is available and WANTS to be in a relationship would never back away and then give stupid, shallow reasons for it. he should want to continue with the same fervor there was before, right??

i DO think his friend was trying to put him on the spot at the xmas eve party. maybe not to be malicious, but he's probably seen mr libra burn through women and maybe he wanted to give me the heads up. or not, who knows. all i know is that his friends DID like me (we ended up having *lots* of mutual friends, being in the same city.....). they even gave me a christmas gift --- which i soooo wasn't expecting, as mr libra only invited me to the party literally at the last minute. of course. 🙂 i rationalized his answer, thinking, ehhhhh, we were having drinks and joking around. plenty of bachelors say NO WAY I'M NEVER WALKING DOWN THE AISLE, and they're just being goofy and perpetuating that bachelor persona. but come on, he has attended all of his best friends weddings, yet still continues to back away from relationships - even good, exciting ones with nice, caring girls. 😉 i don't need it.

at any rate, it's thursday here, and i haven't heard/talked to him since last monday, or sunday?? but i also told him where i wanted things to go, and did backed away to let him think about it. it's just so effed up, for him to say to me, it IS mutual, and i totally DID fall for you just as much, and it IS an even playing field.............. but then let 10 days go by with no contact. as they say, he is probably doing me a favor even though IT EFFING HURTS................

Once his phobia stops he will resurface but if you get hot and heavy on him with hard questions and the poking and probing he will just disappear again, very annoying behavior but that is just how these kind of men are.

You can't really blame him though, you let him in and if you had not let him in you wouldn't be hurt over his actions. You chose to take him at face value and doing that especially the way men are today is stupid for the lack of a better word, it's naive and it's just not smart and unless you learn how to date better you will get your share fair of these kind of men and then some, it's your responsibility to weed men out fast, like date one, forget his looks, forget chemistry and connection that only blinds you to the reality of who men are, ther really is no reason women have to go through so much bullshit unless she's emotionally lazy and stuck with old antiquated habits that don't work anymore, the most important thing IMO is to FIND OUT IF HE'S AVAILABLE FIRST not just physically but emotionally as well before you decide if he's a suitable mate, if you don't know how to do that then LEARN....Most of these phobes act quickly, they pursue hard and fast because they don't want to give you time to THINK, they just love bomb, bulldoze you over with attention and then your hooked and he's off the hook, he doesn't have to deal with you probing into his life and he can easily slide out of your life because he's not the one in love but you are and your the one that will hurt over his desire to be less active in the relationship once it gets serious.

So next time slow down and maybe take a crash course in dating more effectively and smarter

Posted by Hypnotic—
( any type of unconditional attention never hurt a libra.. )

From my experience Libra men don't delete people, no matter how messed up they may be. . . such kind souls...
Libra women on the other hand. . .
personally I would delete (I can't speak for other girls)

But psychopaths. . .I delete, but still track. They are fascinating specimens.

Posted by Hypnotic—
( any type of unconditional attention never hurt a libra.. )

Plus, its great to have an audience and a harem of desirous flutter nutters.

But beware of the catfights, like maybe if you happen to like someone ELSE in future, the one who claimed ownage of your attention (aka this one!) will do whatever it takes to destroy that connection.

Just to let you know.

Posted by prettyXXXpoison
thanks for all the help guys...... getting this all out on paper has really helped me step back and view the situation for what it is instead of just sitting in a puddle of emotion. i think i just got sooooooo caught up in how much i truly LIKE this guy, that i was willing to put up with some crap (his dragging his feet and playing the disappearing game) that i shouldn't. a guy who is available and WANTS to be in a relationship would never back away and then give stupid, shallow reasons for it. he should want to continue with the same fervor there was before, right??

i DO think his friend was trying to put him on the spot at the xmas eve party. maybe not to be malicious, but he's probably seen mr libra burn through women and maybe he wanted to give me the heads up. or not, who knows. all i know is that his friends DID like me (we ended up having *lots* of mutual friends, being in the same city.....). they even gave me a christmas gift --- which i soooo wasn't expecting, as mr libra only invited me to the party literally at the last minute. of course. 🙂 i rationalized his answer, thinking, ehhhhh, we were having drinks and joking around. plenty of bachelors say NO WAY I'M NEVER WALKING DOWN THE AISLE, and they're just being goofy and perpetuating that bachelor persona. but come on, he has attended all of his best friends weddings, yet still continues to back away from relationships - even good, exciting ones with nice, caring girls. 😉 i don't need it.

at any rate, it's thursday here, and i haven't heard/talked to him since last monday, or sunday?? but i also told him where i wanted things to go, and did backed away to let him think about it. it's just so effed up, for him to say to me, it IS mutual, and i totally DID fall for you just as much, and it IS an even playing field.............. but then let 10 days go by with no contact. as they say, he is probably doing me a favor even though IT EFFING HURTS................

I think you enjoy thinking and thinking
because I think he doesn't think so much when he does what he does...
woman, dont torture yourself,
unless you enjoy it..
thats a different matter.

Posted by spica

Posted by Hypnotic—
( any type of unconditional attention never hurt a libra.. )

From my experience Libra men don't delete people, no matter how messed up they may be. . . such kind souls...
Libra women on the other hand. . .
personally I would delete (I can't speak for other girls)

But psychopaths. . .I delete, but still track. They are fascinating specimens.

click to expand

very fascinating...

yep, but see and no touch!

Posted by spica
yep, but see and no touch!

Spica there isn't enough money to touch one, distance always distance...distance is your friend around the lions den.

Not when a sociopath pushes themselves into your lives for whatever reason.. thats when one has to get personally involved.. there's no choice.

Personally, I'd say that people who've never met a psychopath or have the sense to identify them (thus bypassing them like ships in the night) lead charmed lives.

the hot and cold thing is funny coming from a scorpio, cuz the scorpio i kno foward my shit to voicemail 4 no reason and then lied about it. i just laughed it off cuz i knew shew was lying, now thats cold 4 ya