Crazy libra mother in law

I'd like to start this post by saying that I don't generalize all libras. But this particular one is giving me trouble and I'd like to understand. Maybe know what to do about her as well.
I'm a Capricorn, my boyfriend is a Gemini.
He loves drama and because he tend to care too much about people he shouldn't, we end up in weird dramatic situations. I'm trying to help him with it though.

Anyways, because he ended up in a weird dramatic situation, his mother, a libra has been on my case since we started dating. We met online, and it took us about 3 months to meet.

I don't know why, but before my boyfriend and I meet, she started by her google'ing me. Then, she called my work to know if I really worked there. She searched and called my parents. Asked them what kind of woman I am. She messaged me on facebook asking me all sorts of personal questions. One night my boyfriend and I got in a fight, she messaged me and asked me to leave her son alone. She's rude. Swears like a sailor.
I've never met her.

Can you help me understand what's going on and, what to do with her? She's very protecting of her son, who's mid 20 btw.

Thanks 🙂

She never cut the umbilical cord, apparently.

Women like her need to be slapped. It's why the rest of us have to deal with dysfunctional men.

Is he worth it? Will he ever stick up for you or will you always be subjected to this?

I've never seen or heard anything like this from a mother so it makes me wonder why she is soooo mistrusting of anyone around her son. What troubles has he gotten himself into previously that he has to have his mother do all the questioning for him and if he knows about everything she is doing, does he say anything? If not, then I have to ask again....Is he worth it—

Is he Romanian or smthg? This sounds really simmillar to parents' tactics here.

She is not your mother in law yet so I wouldn't take it up with her. I'd talk to him.

It depends on how you deal with things, if you're more head on approach, Tiz's advice works.

If you mention her son loves drama, maybe he got involved with some really crazy people at some point. What do you know of his past? I'd understand her actions then.

Tell your boyfriend that his mom's behavior is unacceptable, then put your foot down and tell her to stay out of your relationship. Ignore any and all harassment after you've told her to stop. Don't respond to her unless she's approaching you respectfully.
If she messaged you to leave him alone after you got in a fight with him, he's talking negatively about you to her and encouraging her, so this will likely be something you deal with as long as you're with him.

Yea it might be cultural. I'm Korean & my mother always gave HELL to anyone I dated when I was in high school. Especially if he wasn't Asian, or even "good kind of Asian" (East Asian). Which meant everyone really, considering we were in Bayback (Boston).

And she's an AQUARIUS. So-called "tolerant and progressive !"

So first consider culture. Does yours clash with theirs?

Then rule out whether she's got something wrong with her mentally. Schizo, borderline, autistic, etc

Then after that, if it still all checks out, interrogate the Leebs.

^my mom is also aqua and was always quite strict and nousy about my dating life.I remember even in high school she had to have the guy's home phone number and the place we are going to. She called parents before LOL. In addition, mothers in my culture have problems cutting the cord.

Seems to me like there`s a very straightforward solution to this problem..tell her to mind her own fucking business..to her face.

If she is a problem now, it wont go away until someone puts a stop to it..and since its you she has a problem with its better from you.

p.s, men who know their mothers pull that shit and say nothing, S-I-C-K-E-N me, just saying, you know, the type with zero balls.

I find it funny how most of the Libras said she should speak up.

What is this, the Aries forum? Dxp gets stranger by the hour.

Posted by Sola
Seems to me like there`s a very straightforward solution to this problem..tell her to mind her own fucking business..to her face.

If she is a problem now, it wont go away until someone puts a stop to it..and since its you she has a problem with its better from you.

p.s, men who know their mothers pull that shit and say nothing, S-I-C-K-E-N me, just saying, you know, the type with zero balls.

Wow. The lack of respect towards others' parents is astounding.

Really, do you people think that belligerence is going to make her any more comfortable with you dating her son?

By all means, give her a phone call and politely request that she refrain from calling you at your workplace, because it could put your job in jeopardy. And that neither you or your parents are comfortable with being called and asked personal questions, so please respect our privacy in the future. Tell her that if she has any concerns, to please bring them up directly and discreetly to you, because you both have her son's best interest at heart.

She may have had a bad experience with one of his exes or something. Maybe she turned out to be a druggie, or a thief, or cheated on him, etc.

Whatever happened, set the new precedent by behaving like a civil adult. Show her that you're not the clich? bratty chick, and maybe she'll see that she's being difficult.

And have the boyfriend in the room with you as you make the phone call.

Posted by tiziani
Aries speak up usually about useless things. Libras conserve their energy and we're more practical about fighting for something when it matters.

I see you're off your fence again. Twice this evening.

I would never reach out to his mother. I would deal with him and if he is not ready to change anything about it, its time to go, he is still attached to his mommy more than he is ready to be committed to you.

If she is like this know, you can just imagine what kind of shit you are gonna get in the future...and if you confront her, most likely than not, you will make it worse.

And btw, I am not talking out of my ass, its all based on my experience and stories I heard.. There are nice mothers in law out there, but they are MINORITY! lol

Wow. The lack of respect towards others' parents is astounding.

Really, do you people think that belligerence is going to make her any more comfortable with you dating her son?

Seriously..first of all the only disrespectful person in this equation is the freaky mother. How rude to check up on someone, therefore deserves to be treated with severe lack of respect. Second of of all, she doesnt need to be comfortable with anything. He`s a grown man.. so she has 2 choices, to put up or shut up.

HAHAHA, respected is earned you total fool, you dont go round pussyfooting round women like that. You put her in her place..end of.

Posted by Sola

Wow. The lack of respect towards others' parents is astounding.

Really, do you people thinkhat belligerence is going to make her any more comfortable with you dating her son?

Seriously..first of all the only disrespectful person in this equation is the freaky mother. How rude to check up on someone, therefore deserves to be treated with severe lack of respect. Second of of all, she doesnt need to be comfortable with anything. He`s a grown man.. so she has 2 choices, to put up or shut up.

HAHAHA, respected is earned you total fool, you dont go round pussyfooting round women like that. You put her in her place..end of.

Actually, no. Everyone is entitled to respect (not deference or reverence, just common decency).

And just because she's being difficult, doesn't mean you should stoop to her level. My MIL is a Cancer, and at first she was overbearing, but my guy and I invited her over for tea, just so I could get to know her better, and let her relax and be honest with me about things.

That afternoon changed everything. Now we're super close, and am happy to have her in my family. Her main concern before was that I'd tear her son away from her, but now she knows that I am always on my guy's ass to not neglect his parents, and that I consider her family now myself. The only thing she does to "impose" on us now is surprising us with homebaked cupcakes. 🙂

And yes, his mother should be considered. That's *her* child, and no decent man is going to allow his mother to be unhappy if he can help it. Especially in my culture, family is #1.

Abuse and stalking is NOT okay, but you don't solve those problems by mouthing off to someone's mother.

Posted by tiziani
I'm also very surprised at the general opinion on here vis a vis parents. It's like marriage doesn't count for anything anymore. I suppose it's best to find out about these differences in perspective with the person you're seeing much sooner than later.

Tiz, you know I told you a little about my folks.

Growing up, I really wished I will get along with my in-laws..it's a thing that matters a lot to me. In my ideal scenario they'd literally be my second family but if cannot achieve that...at least I'd go for a cordial relationship and respect.

You're not marrying only the person, you're marrying into someone's family as well. It's one of the reasons I really loved Italy..they have good ethics on that.

These people have been with him since he was born...if you love someone wouldn't you do your best to get along with them for their sake and then because both (you and your partner's family) care about the partner?

They should all be on the side. People are way too quick to the trigger..

Stooping to her level is not putting her in her place. You see, you said it yourself "stealing her child"..there are no babies involved. She needs to occupy herself outside of her childrens lives. You`re lucky your MIL decided she likes you..that doesnt always happen. You invite her round, try to appease her and she still acts like some victim. I have experience of a woman like the one in question..it aint nice let me tell you. So, she decided to never like me, i was happy she knew how i felt the same way about her, and never ever did i try and change her mind.

You should try and get along, but that`s the rosey versio 🙂 Of course, if she is a sad lonely woman, then she is to be pitied.

Ok Tiz, now I see.

We're approaching it differently but with a simillar mindset

"I love that man, 20 years we've been friends. We've been through some very bad times... like all great relationships need to do."

^love thia

For me, what im reading here is that everyone is failing to see the damage and misery that these women inflict on their adult children. The scenario is simply that for these women, nobody, anywhere of any economic, cultural etc standing will be good enough. So they interfere, are difficult and go out of their way to be passive aggressive i think unfortunately you need to please yourself and do what makes YOU happy without parental influence or worse, control.

I don't even understand why you're not putting more blame on the boyfriend.

His dumb ass admits to LOVING drama and he has a mom that creates tons of it.

Talk to him about fixing this because you are NOT down for dealing with this kind of crazy. If he has no intention and makes excuses, you best head for the hills because it does not get better with situations like this in regard to guys and their mothers.

SUPER dysfunctional relationship here. Are you sure he's still not breast feeding?

Agree with everyone else.......this is some bullshiggity! You are a grown azz women and no one has that option to disrespect you. If his punk azz can't keep his mother in line, then you need to check that chic! She's definitely trying you and he's apparently allowing it. Seems like he's still hanging on to his mom's tiddy..... just a lapping up every ounce of milk his tongue can find. You need to correct that situation or walk the hell away. You don't let anyone disrespect you like that. I wouldn't give a good god dang if she was his grandmother. RESPECT works both ways! Oh, I'm sorry and I definitely believe in respecting my elders, but I'll be damned if I will let ANYONE disrespect me. Besides, who in the hell does that?!!! Call your job...Really? Oh, her azz really crossed the line on that one, and trust me, she would have gotten a ear full. Unfreakin believable.....Not happening. Don't care who the heck it is.

Right? I don't understand why some women do this to their sons. All they're doing is being self centered. I wonder if his mom is single/widowed/whatever?

My mom started getting really weird and clingy as we got older. We realized that was why our dad was such a hard ass about kicking us out at 18. He was trying to do us a favor, haha.

Posted by aurora
i wonder what is behind this kind of behavior. is it really that some people are that selfish so they make their kids attached to them just to not to be alone? i can't believe that's the case. i don't want to, it's too awful. i believe that they have an enormous fear of life.

Yes. In cases where women cling on like this, AND they're single/widowed/divorced, they tend to use their sons as a place holder for the missing male companion in their life. In turn, it breeds a very unhealthy bond she forces on her son.

In the cases of being widowed or divorced (maybe), I think it's a major fear about being alone. They already lost one person that they love, they don't want to lose their kids.

Well she sounds very extreme but at the same time Libra mothers are like the ultimate parents. They are always in your business and on top of their kids. My sister is a gemini and my mother is a libra, I dont get them together but anyway. My best friends mother is a libra, my mom is a libra, and my grandmother is a libra. They are all decently crazy haha. But ya in-laws are...well...in-laws. Too hard to please