How to motivate a lazy libra & thanks for advice~

Thank you guys (the ones who responded) for the help in my last post. 🙂
I took one person's advice which was I just talked to him about, let him know I read his messages and he told me he didn't realize it came across that bad, and apologized. He told me that I should trust him, and that unless he does cheat, I can't assume he is doing anything and that those were just people he used to like and he wanted to show off so that they can see how well he has grown up. He wants to keep in touch with them, but just as friends. So I feel pretty silly.
He also gave me his fb password in case I get worried and said if I want I can read his messages or whatever just to not get suspicious. so yeah. I probably wont do anything though, I just really gotta let go of being suspicious and trust him if I want the relationship to work.

The question I have now is off that subject which is pretty much the same guy, my bf, is lazy. He has dreams and goals but no motivation to go for them. He is 21 and wants to play college football, but is not in college. He was in the army national guard, but didn't show up, and doesn't plan on showing up. Basically he is just working at a part time and living with his parents. The thing is, I am leaving, I've told him I am. I have goals and dreams and I have been working hard to pursue them since high school.. and by next year I will be in a different state pursuing these dreams.

I plan on working through our relationship and one day being with him, but I feel scared that he is not going to get anywhere with his attitude. I think he just wants everything to fall in his lap and it's not going to happen without hard work

Is there any way I can motivate him without doing everything for him?
As a cancer, I definitely mother him. I have noticed it from the beginning of us dating, which is strange as I have never mothered anyone before but I do with him a lot and I feel like, this could be the cause of his lazyness even more, because he thinks I will do everything for him. For example, when he almost picked a college to go to, I called the college, set up the appointment, went with him to the school, and pretty much asked all the questions for him. Than, when it was time for him to actually start school, he flaked. It's very frustrating.

The plan I came up with yesterday was that I am going to tell him that until he starts getting himself together, and figuring out what he wants to do, and enrolls in college, I wont see him anymore because I feel like I am distracting him, but I don't know if that is a good idea.

Posted by TasteOfChaos

Posted by Cancerleo32
He also gave me his fb password in case I get worried and said if I want I can read his messages or whatever just to not get suspicious.

WTF—

Wow... thats just stupid. I would have said, no thanks... I don't need it.

Now you're going to become obsessed with his FB page.

You shouldnt need his passwords to his FB account to feel secure, there should just be an unspoken trust.

I bet he changes his password soon.

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You didn't read what I said after?
I wont use it. lol
I don't need it either. wow.

Posted by TasteOfChaos
and don't lie... you'll check out his page.

then the obsession will grow.

F that, I wouldnt have wanted the password, no temptation then.

Nah.. I have my own facebook to use. I am too busy to spend my time checking on his moves.
I will get curious, that's for sure. but I do trust him and it's his business ya know?
He gave it to me already, so I have it. It's up to me not to misuse it.

I know his PIN for his ATM card.. his username/passwords are automatically saved for accounts online.. hell, I know his SS#... I can log into his bank account (dunno what I'd do with that lol) or Dell account (and buy a new computer on credit!) or cell account (I'm even listed on the account will FULL access, I could call and CANCEL HIS PHONE, legally)... but I DO NOT have his email password or FB password. (Unless he changed them back to an old one. I wouldn't know.)

And he doesn't have mine, though I've got nothing to hide. That shit is nothing but trouble, and a temptation *I* do not want to deal with, esp when he's needing his Libra space or PMSing (and men, don't lie.. you bitches have periods too! :p) and I'm wondering wtf is his problem? Don't need the ability to check, I already know he flirts like it's his JOB, don't need to see the mail he sent to his exgf complimenting her much longer hair and saying she's looking good... I certainly wouldn't need to see the mail sent to his close friendgirl Danie, venting about an argument we had... and I sure didn't need to see the mails when he secretly started mailing my childhood BFF I hadn't seen in years.. and spent two weeks arranging for her to bring her two kids (hadn't seen her since the oldest was still in diapers!) and come visit me for the weekend, all expenses covered by HIM. (He showed me the mails afterwards on that - those sneaky asses, SHE even told me she couldn't make the trip until summer at least! lol)

It would have ruined the surprise if I had access to his FB.. esp if I'd given into fleeting temptation to wonder what he's saying/doing when I'm not around, and poking my nose in where it doesn't belong, and probably making mountains out of molehills. And that would have been sad indeed, cuz that man walked around with a huge silly grin and his chest puffed out all weekend cuz I was SO happy and just blown away by what he did for the sole purpose of pleasing ME!

Yeah, sometimes I wonder, esp when he's in Pissy Libra Mode... but I'd rather ASK him what's up than go sneaking around and making trouble for myself. I don't want the passwords.

But as for motivation... lol.. sweethearts suggested a bomb under the couch for mine. ahaha .. cuz the funny thing about those so-called "passive" Libras... you can lead a horse to water, but you still can't make it WANT to drink. Motivation has to come from within.. and he's not got a lot of it right now. I honestly don't know what to tell you to do, except DON'T mother him no matter how tempted you are... he may have to fall on his face HARD to finally get some gumption. But that's on HIM.. you need to spend your time and energy making things happen for YOU.. let Libra worry about Libra's life and schooling and career. YOU worrying about it isn't getting anything done anyway.. cuz you can't MAKE him drink the water.. but you can keep stressing yourself out about what he is and is not doing. Wouldn't advise that... worrying about oneself is a full time job.. too much work for NO PAY to take on worrying about someone else like that.

OMG are you serious?? You cant change someone to be what you want them to be! There is NO future with you and him. He is who he is and you are who you are, except it or lose him because that is where this is heading!

You got the answers about him... just stop doing it for him and he'll do it himself. If he doesn't, well you can't change that about him anyway.

I wanted to comment on him giving you his FB password though. Everyone seems to have a problem with it, but I don't. I'm assuming you guys have been together for a while. Plus... it's just facebook, people chill out. He gave the password showing that there is nothing to hide. It's not a free invite to go playing around in there though. I've given mine before and will eventually do it again I'm sure. If there's nothing to hide, there's nothing to hide. Now having said that, if a SO was constantly using my accounts to check up on me I would have a problem with that. Me giving the info is a gesture showing that I'm not hiding anything; your using it would be equal to stating you still don't trust me and you think I'm lying. I hate being called a liar.


P.S. Nefer...

Posted by Nefer
esp when he's needing his Libra space or PMSing (and men, don't lie.. you bitches have periods too! :p)

Those are called mantrums, it's not pms 😛

Mantrums! Bwahahaha! Makes me want to slap a maxi-pad on his forehead and say, "When you need a fresh one, they're under the sink, ya crabass."

And LibraSid, I agree.. I've had his password before.. me having it wasn't the problem.. me using it was the problem.. like you said, he said it was like not being trusted, he felt like a naughty child I was "checking up on" or something. So now it's just easier to not have it at all, not worth the hassle.. I don't want it and insist he not tell me it. But gander and goose.. he doesn't get mine either. :p

I LOVE watching the growth and shifting in you, elle ^_^

Yuss! 😄

The only time I'd want a 'caregiver' is if I'm sick.

Posted by QLIbraMale
u seriously need to stop babysitten his lazy ass. motivation comes from oneself, if hes grown to accustom you, you got bigger things to worry bout if he has your heart. granted we act indecisive ahd wishy washy, it doesn't mean we aren't driven to succeed. But he sounds like he wants you to do everything for him, even help him tie his shoes. its on you if you want to play the part, but trying to mold a unmotivated man into greatness, will only happen in your dreams.

yup very true..

Posted by TasteOfChaos

Posted by Cancerleo32

Is there any way I can motivate him without doing everything for him?
As a cancer, I definitely mother him. I have noticed it from the beginning of us dating, which is strange as I have never mothered anyone before but I do with him a lot and I feel like, this could be the cause of his lazyness even more, because he thinks I will do everything for him. For example, when he almost picked a college to go to, I called the college, set up the appointment, went with him to the school, and pretty much asked all the questions for him. Than, when it was time for him to actually start school, he flaked. It's very frustrating.

I don't get how a MAN could let his girlfriend mother him and fuck him at the same time.

Tell him to get off his ass and sort his shit out himself!

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Yeah it is weird.. I shouldn't have to do everything for him like that. He needs to do it.

Posted by Nefer
But as for motivation... lol.. sweethearts suggested a bomb under the couch for mine. ahaha .. cuz the funny thing about those so-called "passive" Libras... you can lead a horse to water, but you still can't make it WANT to drink. Motivation has to come from within.. and he's not got a lot of it right now. I honestly don't know what to tell you to do, except DON'T mother him no matter how tempted you are... he may have to fall on his face HARD to finally get some gumption. But that's on HIM.. you need to spend your time and energy making things happen for YOU.. let Libra worry about Libra's life and schooling and career. YOU worrying about it isn't getting anything done anyway.. cuz you can't MAKE him drink the water.. but you can keep stressing yourself out about what he is and is not doing. Wouldn't advise that... worrying about oneself is a full time job.. too much work for NO PAY to take on worrying about someone else like that.

Very right. yeah I understand what you mean. I definitely gotta let him get it together on his own.

As for hte passwords.. you are right. I don't want to know, i may ask him to change it so I can't check on it. or just restrain myself.. It's his privacy.

Well I ended up telling him that I think I may be a distraction for him right now. I told him that I think he needs to figure out what he wants to do, instead of just complaining about not doing anything it, I told him that for a while we aren't going to see each other until he can just get a plan together. If he doesn't I can't be with him.. I know that for my personality, i need someone who has a goal and life plan like I do.. just something they are working towards. If they don't have that I lose the attraction I felt for them.. and I can tell I am losing my attraction for my libraguy because of this lazyness.

I wont mother him anymore.. or at least do my best not to, as it's in my nature. But I wont do things for him like that anymore, I'll just be his gf. And hopefully in the next few weeks of us not seeing each other he will try to make some plans or something.

Posted by ellessque
*putting on my nurse uniform with fish net stockings and stilletos and winking at librasid* 😉

Posted by LibraLuv

Posted by Cancerleo32
Well I ended up telling him that I think I may be a distraction for him right now. I told him that I think he needs to figure out what he wants to do, instead of just complaining about not doing anything it, I told him that for a while we aren't going to see each other until he can just get a plan together. If he doesn't I can't be with him.. I know that for my personality, i need someone who has a goal and life plan like I do.. just something they are working towards. If they don't have that I lose the attraction I felt for them.. and I can tell I am losing my attraction for my libraguy because of this lazyness.

I wont mother him anymore.. or at least do my best not to, as it's in my nature. But I wont do things for him like that anymore, I'll just be his gf. And hopefully in the next few weeks of us not seeing each other he will try to make some plans or something.

Good for you, and for standing up for what is right for yourself! I'm proud of you for doing this, do your best to follow through with it. In the end, it will be the best for you and him. 😉

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Thank you. 🙂
I will definitely follow it through. If I don't follow through than it will show him that he doesn't have to either.. and I really want him to know I am serious.

Thank you again. :]

Posted by QLIbraMale
I wish you the very best Cancerleo32, sorry if i sounded rude.

Thank you, you were just blunt but not rude.
And you were right. :]