I made him wait 5 months to have Sex . Now what ?

U am currently dating a libra. We formally met on my birthday September 2015 and we have been going good for 5 almost 6 months now. I made him wait to have sex until I was ready and that was on Valentine's Day 2016. I had been celibate for almost one year prior to this. This is a long distance relationship btw. I've met his family and hung around them more than once. He talks about getting married in the future and really shows interest in me. I'm just scared that now that we've had sex that all of that will go out of the window. Any Advice on what to do to not feel scared? What should I expect? How do I gain control of this situation ?

I personally can't be with someone I can't trust. In the past did that happen to you? Maybe you think hes going to do that to you because it may have happened to you in the past.

I guess it's not that I can't trust him . It's that I'm just scared because of things that happened in the past

I went through a bad break up in 2014 and I just told myself I was tired of dead end relationships

Posted by youngifted
I guess it's not that I can't trust him . It's that I'm just scared because of things that happened in the past

Yeah. This is why it's important to not get into any relationships until after you are healed from your last one. If you trust him, that's great. Good luck.

You need to try and heal and also remember he's not the same person that broke your heart in the past. It doesn't mean that he can't hurt you, he can, but you will have to try to trust him especially if you want this relationship to work.

Time will tell

A guy can just as easily hurt you if you sleep with him on the first date or if you sleep with him on the 20th date. Making him wait 5/6 months doesn't really mean shit.

What's important is not what you weren't doing those 6 months, but what you WERE.

Did you connect on a mental and emotional level? Did you open up to him? Did he open up to you? Did you bond?

This is the glue that's gonna keep him coming back for more.

He obviously thinks your special if he mentions the future (marriage). Even more telling is that he's introduced you to his family. This demonstrates action over words.

He's into you Op. Try to let go of the past and focus on his actions. Don't dwell on the douchebags that came before him.

Thank you all so much . I really needed that . Yes we connected mentally. And I am trying my best to just be cool and let go of the past because I admit I have been really hurt in the past and I'm just scared that's all

Thank you @ ladyneptune I appreciate your feedback.

Talk to him, love. Tell him about your fears.

Okay so just play it cool? Is it normal if I don't talk to him everyday? If so, do I just wait for him to contact me? I don't want to seem like a push over or clingy. He admitted to me that he never did the long distance relationship thing , so what can I do on my end to help make this relationship work

Dont be afraid. Just talk to him. Ive been hurt too had abusive rel but that mever stop me from moving forward and giving 100 of my all. I know one day god will bless me i just have to continue being positive. Life is about experiences. Dont think of it in a negative way. Relax and enjoy, he could be the one.....

I understand completely thank you for helping me look at this in a different light. I admit I think way entirely too deep about things, and you're right I will be okay either way. In the meantime, what do I do? Just play it cool and don't be aggressive?

I also need to learn how to control my emotions as well. I've only been in two relationships and both of them have been really bad. So I'm kind of damaged . I just don't want him to leave me hanging but I have to get over that and keep that possibility in the back of my mind

Now you have to wait 5 years for your orgasm.

Posted by youngifted
Okay so just play it cool? Is it normal if I don't talk to him everyday? If so, do I just wait for him to contact me? I don't want to seem like a push over or clingy. He admitted to me that he never did the long distance relationship thing , so what can I do on my end to help make this relationship work

Normal is the halfway point between what you want and what you can get.

@ tiziani thank you for being a big help and for helping me feel better. I was feeling worried and overthinking the whole situation. I just like to know where someone head is at like 24/7z because if something changes with them I need to know ASAP so I will be on the same page , you know? I also don't want to rush or seem pushy either so it was hard for me to grasp what to do. I haven't heard from him that much this weekend. Thats another reason why I was worried. Biut I will take your advice.

@ ladyneptune that's a great way to put it. So if I don't hear from him in a day or two or three , don't panic?

Be open with him. If you want more communication than ask for more.

I speak to my bf multiple times a day. We spend 5 nights a week together and on the other 2 we always say good night over the phone.

Don't feel like your being clingy! This man has been inside you. Calling him is not an intrusion.

Send him little hints like, "Your good morning text put a smile face all day".

"I miss your voice almost as much as I miss your hugs!"

Okay . I understand. And you're right about that. I'm just trying to be careful not to scare him away with my emotions . But those examples you gave a really eye openers . I'm going to try them .

Okay hopefully everything turns out okay thank you again

Thank you I hope he's the right one too. It's always a risk. I hope he doesn't switch up on me because I'm a really good woman. And I thought by making him wait ( which is something he isn't used to doing ) would give him a different perspective on the type of woman I am. I know it won't make him stay but in my mind I was thinking that it would set me apart from the girls that he is used too. But thank you for you're encouraging words @shadowabsorber

Okay so it wouldn't hurt to send him a paragraph text telling how in feeling about this relationship? Or should I keep it short and wait until he contact me to respond and say anything

Posted by youngifted
Okay so it wouldn't hurt to send him a paragraph text telling how in feeling about this relationship? Or should I keep it short and wait until he contact me to respond and say anything

That's something you should speak to him about, rather than in a text.

Put a positive spin on it. Tells him that you've been hurt in the past but meeting him/having him in your life has made you want to try again.

Posted by ShadowAbsorber

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by youngifted
Okay so it wouldn't hurt to send him a paragraph text telling how in feeling about this relationship? Or should I keep it short and wait until he contact me to respond and say anything

That's something you should speak to him about, rather than in a text.

Put a positive spin on it. Tells him that you've been hurt in the past but meeting him/having him in your life has made you want to try again.

damn, that's good. Hehe i'm comin to you for advice, LadyNeptune

click to expand

My inbox is always open

I feel very strongly that texts should be lighthearted messages, nothing heavy.

Things like good morning and good night texts. How's your day texts. Sending cute photos, etc.

But when it comes to actually conversations, have those in person! Or in your case on the phone since its long distance.

You might want to suggest to him Skype. You guys could set up a time every day, or several times a week, to talk and connect face to face.

With texts it's easy to read them but then get busy at work or school and hours will go by before you can respond. Which leaves the other person feeling neglected and forgotten...waiting on that response.

You shouldn't be dating dear.

You're still all damaged and weird from a past relationship.

You're manipulating a dude by withholding sex.

You're trying to control shit.


...seek psychological help and stay out of the dating pool until you get it together. We've all been there with some asshat who screwed us over. The big difference is in how you handle it. If you're going to be severely scarred by such shit and not learn how to persevere, you should probably stay the hell away from the male species until you can go about it with confidence. There are too many people out there who have no business dating and you're one of them.

You will survive without a relationship. Learn to be secure and happy with yourself and you wouldn't be all schitzo about this stuff.

I understand that virgo peeps likes to be in control in relationships. My advice let go of the past , love like you have never been hurt before. All will be okay love.

Just go with the flow, don't overthink it !

Thank you for all of your feed back . This really helped me look at it differently and I feel kind of better now.

Posted by mindofalibra
Just go with the flow, don't overthink it !

This. We get a lot of these here. They start overthinking things when nothing has really started. They end up fucking everything up themselves and I feel for the dude in those situations. He likely likes her for who she is but then is wondering what he signed up for when she gets all neurotic and PTSD because dudebro asshole from past relationship screwed her over.

That old adage about getting over someone by getting under another is bullshit. Going out and using dating as therapy is the most selfish, fucked up thing anyone can do and unfortunately, the dating pool is full of these mindless fools who think that dating someone else will fix their own self esteem issues.

It doesn't. It's selfish to think someone else's time and feelings are the remedy to your own personal problems.

@2moon things are just in the air in my opinion. I briefly heard from him earlier and I kept it short and simple.

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Posted by youngifted
U am currently dating a libra. We formally met on my birthday September 2015 and we have been going good for 5 almost 6 months now. I made him wait to have sex until I was ready and that was on Valentine's Day 2016. I had been celibate for almost one year prior to this. This is a long distance relationship btw. I've met his family and hung around them more than once. He talks about getting married in the future and really shows interest in me. I'm just scared that now that we've had sex that all of that will go out of the window. Any Advice on what to do to not feel scared? What should I expect? How do I gain control of this situation ?

Since you place so much relationship value on sex .... then the solution is to never have sex with him again.

Don't have sex until you don't feel scared. Then ..get reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay DruNKie Drunk!

Thank you good luck to you too @someoneeee