Is he done or do I need to be more patient?

I'm Cancer female and he a Libra male. I'm sure plenty of you will say we are not a good match, but my moon is in Gemini and also rising, and all of the guys I've been attracted to/dated have been air signs... Ex of 3 years was Acquarius, and two previous exes were Geminis. This is the first Libra I have liked though..

So, I've been on 3 dates with this guy, our first date went amazingly... lasted 6 hours, went for drinks, and then dinner and conversation just flowed and we just clicked. He kissed me after dinner, and I felt the chemistry.

The next day he invited me to his birthday party, which I thought was a bit much considering we had only met once and only had one date, but I wasn't feeling well that day anyway so told him I couldn't go. The day after was his actual birthday and he asked me to meet him also, but I was still feeling unwell so we rescheduled for a few days time.

We had our second date, and again it lasted about 5-6 hours... drinks turned into dinner, and we had lots to talk about, and he talked about the future how he wanted to cook for me one day, and also mentioned movies we should watch together.

Our contact in between dates was mainly initiated by him, but I too had been initiating, but let him do most of it to test him for his interest. We had also been texting every day.
In his texting he always says how he's looking forward to see me, or if he mentions a day that I can't make then he says 'oh I really wanted to see you today' etc...

On our third date, which was last Saturday, again we had drinks and then dinner and then decided to go dancing after dinner... But by the time we finished dinner I realised it was 11.30 at night and I had to leave to catch my last train home.
When I told him this he told me no way, you're coming home with me. I told him I should go home, as I didn't want anything to happen that I would regret..
(I'm not ready to have sex yet, we've only had 3 dates, and even though I really like him I've experienced guys disappearing after having sex too soon, and I don't want him going anywhere!)

So he responded saying we didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do... But then I thought, this will be so awkward, I don't want to be a tease spending the night with a guy and not doing anything sexually with him!

So I said to him, no I don't feel comfortable I think its best I go home... Then he started to get a bit pissed off, and he said I'm not a bad guy, we are adults, why can't we just spe

spend the night together? I want to spend more time with you, nothing has to happen we can just watch a movie..

So by this point it was getting late, and I thought fine I will take the risk I will go back to his.
Throughout the night he was really sweet, kissing me and hugging me, asking me if I was ok... Sometimes the kissing would get quite heavy and I would stop him, before it led to anything more.

In the morning I had to leave early as I had already made plans to meet a friend, and he hugged me and told me he didn't want me to leave.. so I told him maybe we could meet later on in the day after I met my friend. and he said ok we will speak later.

I met up with my friend for longer than I thought, and I didn't hear from him so I just went home. In the evening he text me asking how my day was, and I told him it was fun but ran on for longer than I thought, and I asked him how his day was...and he said he was really tired and was just chilling all day.

The next day, Monday, I didn't hear from him... and I wondered maybe he thought the whole 'me staying over' situation was weird... So I waited for him to initiate the contact, rather than me reaching out. And also I was slightly disappointed by his reaction when I told him I thought it was best I go home.. But I thought maybe he was just insulted that I didn't think he was a good guy?
Tuesday and Wednesday followed and still heard nothing!

I thought it was odd I hadn't heard from him in 3 days, when up until Sunday we had been messaging every day. And on Sunday morning when I left his house he didn't want me to leave, and he seemed VERY into me..
We had also kind of been taking it in turns to text, although I did let him initiate more than me.. So I figured maybe he was just waiting for me to message him (I did after all tell him I wasn't going to sleep with him saturday night, so maybe he thought I wasn't interested in him??)

Anyway, so I text him Thursday morning and he replied to my message straight away. Told me he had got back very early that morning from a random road trip with friends. They randomly decided to go on Monday. So it explains the silence for 3 days! (I wonder if I had held off a little longer, maybe he would have text me on Thursday later on in the day?)

He then proceeded to send me a bunch of photos from his trip, which I thought was sweet of him, and so I told they were great photos and told him I was going on a road trip myself this weekend.
He then ask

He then asked when I was back, and I told him I would be back Sunday. I then asked him if he had been to the city I was visiting (just to make conversation) and what he was up to at the weekend.
He told me he was working saturday but was off on Sunday. And he said he thinks he has been to the city I was going to but wasn't sure..

So I told him its really beautiful, really arty, has lots of street art, and a river??_.

Thinking he was going to reply saying yea its beautiful, or at least say hey lets do something Sunday when you return. But nothing, he left me hanging!

I thought about adding, do you want to meet Sunday.. but I still feel he should be the one asking me at this stage. Especially because I didn't hear from him in 3 days, after we had spent the night (no sex though)

Now I feel really lame that the conversation ended like that, with my super lame last statement!

Anyway that was Thursday, and I didn't hear from him on Friday or Saturday! Today's sunday and I'm back from my road trip, and was hoping to see him today but I've heard nothing!

I am so confused! He seemed sooo into me, messaging me every day.. I'm trying to figure out what went wrong.

I??ve had a lot of bad luck with men this year, and he's the first guy I??ve liked in a long time and I thought he liked me too??_

Do you think he's done with this, or is there a chance he will still contact?


P.s Sorry this is so long!!

I think he saw you as a quick lay. He seems a bit douche to me. I'd leave him be and continue dating. If he comes back and asks why you are being distance speak up! Tell him and stop tippy toeing around this man...he is just a man geesh. Clarity between two people in beginning stages goes a long way. Either he understands and works with you or he gets angry, stomps his feet and disappears.

Men do not disappear with women they want long term. If he just wants sex..which this guy does he will test waters see how far he can get and stay on a fence.......just to keep you around.

You're worth more...

Posted by SpinCycle
I think he saw you as a quick lay. He seems a bit douche to me. I'd leave him be and continue dating. If he comes back and asks why you are being distance speak up! Tell him and stop tippy toeing around this man...he is just a man geesh. Clarity between two people in beginning stages goes a long way. Either he understands and works with you or he gets angry, stomps his feet and disappears.

Men do not disappear with women they want long term. If he just wants sex..which this guy does he will test waters see how far he can get and stay on a fence.......just to keep you around.
You're worth more...

+1000. In the beginning days, when you're not attached to anyone, make sure you keep your eyes and ears open to see the guy in front of you properly. This guy is flakey from the very beginning, so time to ditch him. Imagine what he'll be like in the long haul. Now if you are attached to him already (so soon) at this point which a lot of desperate women seem to do, then you're gonna be desperate and want this douche for yourself.

He wanted to get laid. It explains his pissiness that you were rejecting staying at his place. Guys who are into you do NOT get angry when you turn down something like that. They RESPECT your decision and leave it be. Not get pissy and pressure you into coming over.

They also don't try to get sex going. It was no accident that you two got into "heavy" kissing. He knew exactly what he was doing.

It's all telltale and you're a silly child if you think that your lack of sex equates disinterest from you. If anything, his behavior shows his disinterest in YOU because he wanted to get laid. That's it.

Don't bother getting in touch with him. His ACTIONS speak louder than his words here, dear. Sure, he'll remain friendly and talkative, but don't be surprised if him initiating any plans doesn't happen.

You shouldn't be confused or upset, you should be OFFENDED. This guy was going to treat you like a piece of ass.

The only thing I saw him do wrong was insisting she spend the night. She is playing the games though. Letting him do all the initiating to "test his interest level", what does it say about her interest level?

Yes, he was wrong for pushing. Asking you over is fine. Persisting through the first no is fine. Getting upset is not. Everyone is right there. Is shows a lack of respect...or boundaries at a minimum.

However, nothing happened. She didn't say he was pushy or overbearing when she was there. They had a good night and good morning. She left to hang with a friend saying maybe they could see each other after her friend. In my head that leaves the ball in her court. She still won't initiate. He does though, she says she ran late, he says he's just chilling...nothing. Then she still waits for him to contact her? The phone works both ways. They only been out three times why does she expect so much communication from him if she won't even pick up a phone? After three dates I have to let you know where I am all the time?

/Devil's Advocate

Posted by LibraSid
The only thing I saw him do wrong was insisting she spend the night. She is playing the games though. Letting him do all the initiating to "test his interest level", what does it say about her interest level?

Yes, he was wrong for pushing. Asking you over is fine. Persisting through the first no is fine. Getting upset is not. Everyone is right there. Is shows a lack of respect...or boundaries at a minimum.

However, nothing happened. She didn't say he was pushy or overbearing when she was there. They had a good night and good morning. She left to hang with a friend saying maybe they could see each other after her friend. In my head that leaves the ball in her court. She still won't initiate. He does though, she says she ran late, he says he's just chilling...nothing. Then she still waits for him to contact her? The phone works both ways. They only been out three times why does she expect so much communication from him if she won't even pick up a phone? After three dates I have to let you know where I am all the time?

/Devil's Advocate

+1.

If you want to hear from someone, what is wrong with contacting them? If you wanted to see him, why not ask if he is busy? It's not the first date, you can ask without it being a big deal.

Posted by jeane

Posted by LibraSid
The only thing I saw him do wrong was insisting she spend the night. She is playing the games though. Letting him do all the initiating to "test his interest level", what does it say about her interest level?

Yes, he was wrong for pushing. Asking you over is fine. Persisting through the first no is fine. Getting upset is not. Everyone is right there. Is shows a lack of respect...or boundaries at a minimum.

However, nothing happened. She didn't say he was pushy or overbearing when she was there. They had a good night and good morning. She left to hang with a friend saying maybe they could see each other after her friend. In my head that leaves the ball in her court. She still won't initiate. He does though, she says she ran late, he says he's just chilling...nothing. Then she still waits for him to contact her? The phone works both ways. They only been out three times why does she expect so much communication from him if she won't even pick up a phone? After three dates I have to let you know where I am all the time?

/Devil's Advocate

+1.

If you want to hear from someone, what is wrong with contacting them? If you wanted to see him, why not ask if he is busy? It's not the first date, you can ask without it being a big deal.

click to expand

You two need to knock it off. He's clearly not into her and you don't need to encourage a Cancer to stick around with a guy like this. The biggest issue here was him pressuring her to stay over when she said no and proceeding to get angry and guilt her over it. Guys, that's some rapist/sexual predator mentality shit right there, whether you want to admit to it or not. That's already a big ol' NOPE in the book of common sense. Secondary would be his DROP in communication afterward.

All of that is telltale in the "he's not into you" category.

OP, move along. It was only 3 dates. Why the hell do you want to cling on to this guy so soon?

Posted by mindofaquarius

I always like to say: girls, imagine you'd be a douche with a harem. of course you don't have time to text, hook up with all your girls so you make some kind of a schedual. monday chick A, tuesday chick B and if chick A gets on your nerves cuz she's too emotional and wants to have "the talk" then you easily scoop to chick C in the meantime until chick A gets so desperate that she will jump on your dick when you finally text her after 4 long days of waiting.....

This example, along with several posts as of lately, share similar scenarios.

Know where I've seen this type of behavior before?

A fricken FWB. Yep. A fuck buddy. Someone who just wants to have sex and moves along until they want to get laid again. Your guy, the one you are pining over, and constantly allowing to take up head space, is treating you just like a fwb would treat his partner. Coincidence? NOPE.

Guess what ladies? That's where you're headed because the behavior is SO "not into you" but you just look for stupid specks of grey area to ignore the obvious.

This chick, along with the Virgo chick in another thread are obviously being treated with no respect, as a whim/convenience factor, yet they think there's more and the guy "secretly" has feelings.

Doesn't quite work like that, children. ...which is where your emotional maturity lies- child like. Women like this need to get a grip and get their shit together. There's more to life and you shouldn't have to force things like this to happen/work.

Posted by rockyroadicecream

You two need to knock it off. He's clearly not into her and you don't need to encourage a Cancer to stick around with a guy like this. The biggest issue here was him pressuring her to stay over when she said no and proceeding to get angry and guilt her over it. Guys, that's some rapist/sexual predator mentality shit right there, whether you want to admit to it or not. That's already a big ol' NOPE in the book of common sense. Secondary would be his DROP in communication afterward.

All of that is telltale in the "he's not into you" category.

OP, move along. It was only 3 dates. Why the hell do you want to cling on to this guy so soon?

Yes, rocky, perhaps you are right.

I think we all agree, that she shouldn't feel pressured to sleep with someone and him feeling slighted in those circumstances is indeed unacceptable. That shit just don't fly.

But then again, I don't know if he is a creeper, neither do you and by the looks of it, neither does she. Maybe a fourth date, in public, at a reasonable time might solve that for her. Did he drop communication or did he just get busy? He responded quickly when she contacted him and seemed to have an honest reason for not being in touch. If he starts to pressure her again, then she can give him the ol' heave ho with no reservations.

Plus it's the first person she has liked in a long time. Maybe it is worth a fourth date with clear boundaries set in mind. He seems a little too intense for my comfort but perhaps he is worth the benefit of the doubt while holding strong to a guarded outlook.

But certainly she shouldn't hold back seeing him again just because she's a woman waiting for him to take the initiative. And if he is not interested then at least she knows rather than torturing herself with the what ifs...

Hi everyone! Thank you for all of the replies, it is really helpful.

Yes I know him getting pissed off when I said no to staying at his is a really bad sign. I just chose to give him the benefit of the doubt as I thought maybe he was insulted that I didn't think he was a good guy. Which I did, I'm just a very closed person, and being physically close to someone I still don't know yet makes me feel highly uncomfortable. Maybe to the average person it doesn't!

When I stayed over, he did try to make me feel very comfortable though, kept asking me if I was ok, all through the night. and kept hugging me and kissing me. Even gave me a pair of long pijamas so that we were fully clothed next to eachother. Only times when I felt uncomfortable was when kising got a bit heavy, and I thought he might be trying it on, so I stopped him.

I just figured that maybe someones initial intentions can be to just to hook up, but when you spend 3 long dates with someone (6 hours long each), have fun, have long conversations, have chemistry, have many things in common/can talk for hours, are affectionate and playful with one another, have similar, backgrounds, values and beliefs, are very attracted to one another,etc..
Then you would become interested in something more??

I know I don't know him that well still, and that he was a bit of an ass trying to get me to stay with him, but I haven't met somoene I've felt this way about in a long time, or quite possibly ever?! Out of all the guys I've dated, or even long term relationships, and guys I've been completely obsessed with, this guy trumps the lot of them...

Am I a fool if I reach out again, despite him leaving me hanging in our last conversation?
I'm pretty sure he's talking to another girl/or even banging another girl by now, but I'm afraid that maybe theres a chance he wanted to see more initiation on my part, or am I being very blind/foolish now?

Btw, its not like I would never have sex with him, I just wanted to wait and be sure he wasn't going to disappear on me before I did! And its tough, because him lying next to me kissing me really really tempted me.

(I have a really high sex drive, and I had to touch myself thinking about him almost every night this week! - crazy I know, sorry if too much info!)

You may think I'm mad for liking somoene after only 3 dates, but I guess thats the shameful Cancer clinger in me!! And also the fact, that no other guys really faze me.....

Oh and to whoever said I'm immature and shouldn't be letting someone use up my head space, you're very right and I wish I could control it and just forget him..

Perhaps I am immature for my age (late twenties), but I tend to give good advice to my friends, just struggle to follow it myself. Also, despite my age I don't have that much experience dating guys, I've been in two long term relationships one after the other from my teenage years to my mid twenties...which kind of fell into place really easily and I knew nothing about dating rules, or asking for advice back then.

But now that I'm older, and starting to date, I'm finding it soo much more difficult then when I was younger. Men baffle me, and I feel like I need to play games, well I'm not a bitch but I try not to chase after men and let them come to me..etc.. And I read online, and I see articles or forums where people tell you that you should just let the guy come after you, and others say that you should initiate too.. Or that you should wait to have sex with a guy, or should have sex on 3rd date so he knows you like him. I just have no clue whats right and whats wrong!! So I just try to do what I feel comfortable with but I don't know if its always the right thing to do.

Plus with online dating, guys can meet another girl they prefer the next day, so you're always wondering if they have lost interest.... its tiring!

Posted by sunshinelove

Plus with online dating, guys can meet another girl they prefer the next day, so you're always wondering if they have lost interest.... its tiring!

You met him through online dating? Oh, scrap what I said then. Formally withdrawing my comments!

It IS tiring and such bs. It's why I'm always saying move along and don't bother. When it gets this tiring early on, you just get sick of wasting your time on guys who have no idea what they want other than getting their dick tickled.

They screw around, play games, use you, act like emotionally retarded morons, etc. After awhile, it's like fuck this, I'd rather be single. Less drama, Jesus.

If he gets in touch with you and you want to remain friendly, by all means. But given his behavior with the shitty attitude about staying over, I'd hold off on getting intimate with him for awhile, tbh.

Also remember, he's a Libra. Three six hour dates doesn't mean shit to these guys. They're good at that type of thing and make people comfortable. You just get all cozy and comfy with things and think it's all going well. Meanwhile, they're just being them and may not even be on the same page as you are. You won't even know until they start acting weird and distant.

Posted by rockyroadicecream
It IS tiring and such bs. It's why I'm always saying move along and don't bother. When it gets this tiring early on, you just get sick of wasting your time on guys who have no idea what they want other than getting their dick tickled.

They screw around, play games, use you, act like emotionally retarded morons, etc. After awhile, it's like fuck this, I'd rather be single. Less drama, Jesus.

If he gets in touch with you and you want to remain friendly, by all means. But given his behavior with the shitty attitude about staying over, I'd hold off on getting intimate with him for awhile, tbh.

Also remember, he's a Libra. Three six hour dates doesn't mean shit to these guys. They're good at that type of thing and make people comfortable. You just get all cozy and comfy with things and think it's all going well. Meanwhile, they're just being them and may not even be on the same page as you are. You won't even know until they start acting weird and distant.

We ain't all evil. If I'm on a six hour date...I like her.

I'm curious how "bad" this guy was when you said you didn't want to come by. He absolutely should not pressure you into anything. But, if he invites you over, you say no you aren't ready to sleep together, he says that's fine just hang out, you aren't sure, he says no really nothing like that... Where's the line? Personally I ain't begging no one to come over but whatever. He couldn't have been that bad...she went. She even said everything was fine once she was there.

The next day though. Why didn't you call him when you freed up? You left saying maybe you'd see him after your friends house. That's why he didn't text til later, he was giving you your space. You were uncomfortable the night before maybe he don't wanna be clingy. Then you don't come by like you said you might. Maybe he's thinking he pushed too much the night before. I know I've been there. He's waiting for you to contact him. You don't, so he doesn't. We not know for being overly risky or aggressive.


Flip this. If I came in here as a new user saying I invited a woman to my home. She came by, we had fun, kissed, but no sex. The next day she said she'd call me after she did her things but never did. But I called her. We were both just relaxing. She didn't come over again. Then a buddy came by and I went to the beach. I was hoping to hear from her again but haven't. Oh yeah the whole couple weeks we been talking I initiate 90% . What do you all think?

We'd tell any guy that chic ain't into him...

Posted by LibraSid

Posted by rockyroadicecream
It IS tiring and such bs. It's why I'm always saying move along and don't bother. When it gets this tiring early on, you just get sick of wasting your time on guys who have no idea what they want other than getting their dick tickled.

They screw around, play games, use you, act like emotionally retarded morons, etc. After awhile, it's like fuck this, I'd rather be single. Less drama, Jesus.

If he gets in touch with you and you want to remain friendly, by all means. But given his behavior with the shitty attitude about staying over, I'd hold off on getting intimate with him for awhile, tbh.

Also remember, he's a Libra. Three six hour dates doesn't mean shit to these guys. They're good at that type of thing and make people comfortable. You just get all cozy and comfy with things and think it's all going well. Meanwhile, they're just being them and may not even be on the same page as you are. You won't even know until they start acting weird and distant.

We ain't all evil. If I'm on a six hour date...I like her.

click to expand

No, I know. But you don't necessarily behave like a manchild who throws a tantrum do you?

Posted by Sugarfoot
Fwiw I don't think the guy sounded like a rapist either. She said he was "pissed off" but what's her definition of pissed off? Only she knows that.

I just don't think they are a good match for each other because they're not on the same page communication wise. Common story between crab and libra.

I'm not saying he is, but the behavior is running a thin line along that territory. Many sexual assault cases start off in similar scenarios- him pressuring her for sex/manipulating the situation so he can get sex. Unfortunately, a lot of it goes unreported.

If I had a guy, who I'd just barely met, get shitty with me about coming over, I'd head for the fucking hills. I just met you and you're gonna get all offended and shitty that I'm not down to stay at your place? GTFO with that shit.

You know what they say about online dating- he's worried about her really being fat and she's worried that he's a serial killer.

Regardless, I think the consensus is that the situation just isn't cool all around and the OP needs to do what's in her best interest here.

What if, he was just having so much fun with her that he didn't want the night to end. I know I am like that, I know other men that are like that. Some Libra men just don't want the fun to end. He also will NOT chase the OP, she needs to show the same interest otherwise he will think SHE isn't interested. I have dealt with the very out going Libra men and the shy Libra men, he obviously isn't the shy one.

I say message him and see what's up. Nothing is wrong with asking him to hang out.. Gemini and Libra get along b/c we don't care who contacts who, we just want to go have fun. Especially, if the feeing is right. 🙂

OK well I have reached out, just incase there was a misunderstanding or he thought I wasn't interested..

He told me he's super busy with work and hes also working on a project, so maybe he IS just busy?? but I told him I was going to ask if he wanted to meet this week...

So I have put myself out there now, initiated contact plus told him I would like to see him.

So we will see if he asks to meet up and makes effort.

If not, then I know wheere I stand

Posted by sunshinelove
OK well I have reached out, just incase there was a misunderstanding or he thought I wasn't interested..

He told me he's super busy with work and hes also working on a project, so maybe he IS just busy?? but I told him I was going to ask if he wanted to meet this week...

So I have put myself out there now, initiated contact plus told him I would like to see him.

So we will see if he asks to meet up and makes effort.

If not, then I know wheere I stand

Yep, then there will be zero confusion. 🙂

Posted by WateryGem

Posted by sunshinelove
OK well I have reached out, just incase there was a misunderstanding or he thought I wasn't interested..

He told me he's super busy with work and hes also working on a project, so maybe he IS just busy?? but I told him I was going to ask if he wanted to meet this week...

So I have put myself out there now, initiated contact plus told him I would like to see him.

So we will see if he asks to meet up and makes effort.

If not, then I know wheere I stand

Yep, then there will be zero confusion. 🙂

click to expand

Is that sarcasm?

I was checking as I wasn't sure if I did the right thing or not!
Its my first time dating a Libra guy, infact interacting with any Libra really! So not really sure how they work....

Posted by sunshinelove

Posted by WateryGem

Posted by sunshinelove
OK well I have reached out, just incase there was a misunderstanding or he thought I wasn't interested..

He told me he's super busy with work and hes also working on a project, so maybe he IS just busy?? but I told him I was going to ask if he wanted to meet this week...

So I have put myself out there now, initiated contact plus told him I would like to see him.

So we will see if he asks to meet up and makes effort.

If not, then I know wheere I stand

Yep, then there will be zero confusion. 🙂

Is that sarcasm?

click to expand

Nope, I was just agreeing with you. 🙂

Posted by Gemican01
I'm proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone sunshine! And I'm sure WateryGem is being totally serious, doing what you did eliminated the guessing game of does he want to continue or not. Just sit back relax and know that you can't ever say you didn't try.

Yep, Gemican01, you got it, that's what I was saying.

Posted by sunshinelove
OK well I have reached out, just incase there was a misunderstanding or he thought I wasn't interested..

He told me he's super busy with work and hes also working on a project, so maybe he IS just busy?? but I told him I was going to ask if he wanted to meet this week...

So I have put myself out there now, initiated contact plus told him I would like to see him.

So we will see if he asks to meet up and makes effort.

If not, then I know wheere I stand

lol. He's not that busy. It's a cop out.

But you did all you can do- you put it out there and the ball is in his court. I think he's jerking you around with how "busy" he is, tbh.

Guy who is into you- It's either he makes plans regardless, because he WANTS to see you or if he truly is busy it'd be something like "I'm busy on this day and that day, but I have x/y day free." He'd attempt to make it work.

Guy who isn't into you- "I'm busy. I'll let you know.." aka "NOPE." It's a coward's way out of a situation when a simple "no" would suffice. It also leaves you hanging so if he happens to want to kill some time with you, you're there waiting for him to not be "busy."

Believe me, I've seen both sides of guys when there was/wasn't interest. Any time it goes from wanting you around all the time to suddenly "I'm too busy..." it's a fricken cop out, haha. It's amazing how textbook it can be.

In the meantime, do you. If you don't hear from him, good riddance. He sounds like a douche.

Posted by tiziani
As a Libra Man I would say we prefer a more direct approach. Your approach is suggestive and indirect, not surprising from a Water sign, but it tends to drag on between Air and Water like that


I'm not going to critique what you said because there's nothing more you can do. And being yourself is the best way.

How much more direct could I have been? Do you mean I should have added so when do you want to see me?

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by sunshinelove
OK well I have reached out, just incase there was a misunderstanding or he thought I wasn't interested..

He told me he's super busy with work and hes also working on a project, so maybe he IS just busy?? but I told him I was going to ask if he wanted to meet this week...

So I have put myself out there now, initiated contact plus told him I would like to see him.

So we will see if he asks to meet up and makes effort.

If not, then I know wheere I stand

lol. He's not that busy. It's a cop out.

But you did all you can do- you put it out there and the ball is in his court. I think he's jerking you around with how "busy" he is, tbh.

Guy who is into you- It's either he makes plans regardless, because he WANTS to see you or if he truly is busy it'd be something like "I'm busy on this day and that day, but I have x/y day free." He'd attempt to make it work.

Guy who isn't into you- "I'm busy. I'll let you know.." aka "NOPE." It's a coward's way out of a situation when a simple "no" would suffice. It also leaves you hanging so if he happens to want to kill some time with you, you're there waiting for him to not be "busy."

Believe me, I've seen both sides of guys when there was/wasn't interest. Any time it goes from wanting you around all the time to suddenly "I'm too busy..." it's a fricken cop out, haha. It's amazing how textbook it can be.

In the meantime, do you. If you don't hear from him, good riddance. He sounds like a douche.

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You may be right, because at the beginning he would change his shifts at work to be able to see me. Plus he would say ' oh i really wanted to see you on this day... but lets meet on this other day'

I guess time will tell....

Yeah, been there, done that.

I had one who took a day off of work to spend with me.

But down the road, it was "oh I'm too busy with work. I'll let you know."

"I'll let you know" is universal for "nope." haha.

Time will tell, but I think your gut knows what's really going on. It sucks and is disappointing. On to better things!

Well I feel really foolish and regret reaching out now....

Do you think he thinks I'm pathetic for chasing after him, or maybe its turned him off even more!

But it confuses me because he replied straight away and said hi beautiful, plus asked me questions...

But didnt mention anything about meeting

I guess if I hear nothing today I will write him off 😢

Posted by sunshinelove
Well I feel really foolish and regret reaching out now....

Do you think he thinks I'm pathetic for chasing after him, or maybe its turned him off even more!

I don't think you were foolish to reach out. You did what you felt was right. You cleared the air. His reaction is irrelevant because it's out of your control, you did right by you.

Where his reaction matters is your next move. And here rocky is 100% . If he was truly busy today, he'd have suggested tomorrow...or something. You know that though.

Posted by sunshinelove
Well I feel really foolish and regret reaching out now....

Do you think he thinks I'm pathetic for chasing after him, or maybe its turned him off even more!

You don't look foolish at all, how else would you know? I don't get offended by men not responding when I am looking for a response. That is MY expectation, if someone wants to be a part of my life they will. So you tried and he didn't reciprocate and now you can move on without any question.

Plus, I think it's better that it happened early on vs you really spending a lot of time with him. I had a guy lead me on for a freaking YEAR and then once I put the pressure on him I finally realized he was FULL OF $ hit!!!

Posted by Gemican01
Lmao rocky you are too trueee, I'm so dead. Who wouldn't love you women!!!!

I seriously loled when I saw that meme. So. Awesome.

Posted by mindofaquarius

THAT +10000

sorry it's just the harsh truth and all of them come up with the same lazy answers: "I'm busy" LOL but still they be postin nd likin on instagram/facebook all day etc LOL "busy" so they can hardly reply to your txt. of course, in some way they are busy - busy with other chicks

my libra suggested to meet after 3 days, I said no cuz I wanted to keep him a bit on his toes, I said I'm busy painting my wall at home. Guess what he said "ok nevermind I'll help you with that, so we could meet anyway today right?"

they will make it work if they want to.... trust me

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Funny story- Was talking to a Libra friend last night about an issue I'm having with a user friend who hit me up last minute because he wanted something. Libra friend responds "you should just tell him you're busy, that's what I would do." I couldn't help but be amused since this Libra is notorious for using "too busy" as a reason not to hang out, yet can be on social media and manage plans with other people when he claims he's "busy."

I had to bite my tongue and not say something smart assed " Yes, I KNOW you would."

Posted by sunshinelove
Well I feel really foolish and regret reaching out now....

Do you think he thinks I'm pathetic for chasing after him, or maybe its turned him off even more!

Nah, not foolish. Sometimes reaching out establishes a "power" shift of sorts in the situation. You essentially left the ball in his court and now if he doesn't follow through with his empty words then it's on HIM and he can't backpedal and blame you for not getting in touch. You basically unloaded any sort of ammo he could potentially use against you by reaching out, which can happen. When I've seen guys who use the flaky "busy" excuse as a cop out, they also will use any sort of excuse to absolve them of any accountability for being a flake.

So, say if you didn't get in touch and then text him later asking wtf, he can easily flip it and say "well you never answered..." Guys like this LOVE not being accountable for their actions. They're being cowardly by not being up front with you because THEY don't want to feel bad. You bet your ass they'd use anything else to help avoid accountability and blame you instead.

It's not unusual to feel like a tard by doing so when it's met with indifference, but at least YOU tried. If he doesn't, then fuck that noise. People are lame assholes, haha.

If the guy does eventually get in touch, just play it cool and see how the convo goes. For all you know, this dude may attempt a "textationship." aka, all text and talk but no action.

I still think his behavior toward you the last time you saw him was incredibly ridiculous. :/ Wtf is wrong with people??

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by sunshinelove
Well I feel really foolish and regret reaching out now....

Do you think he thinks I'm pathetic for chasing after him, or maybe its turned him off even more!

Nah, not foolish. Sometimes reaching out establishes a "power" shift of sorts in the situation. You essentially left the ball in his court and now if he doesn't follow through with his empty words then it's on HIM and he can't backpedal and blame you for not getting in touch. You basically unloaded any sort of ammo he could potentially use against you by reaching out, which can happen. When I've seen guys who use the flaky "busy" excuse as a cop out, they also will use any sort of excuse to absolve them of any accountability for being a flake.

So, say if you didn't get in touch and then text him later asking wtf, he can easily flip it and say "well you never answered..." Guys like this LOVE not being accountable for their actions. They're being cowardly by not being up front with you because THEY don't want to feel bad. You bet your ass they'd use anything else to help avoid accountability and blame you instead.

It's not unusual to feel like a tard by doing so when it's met with indifference, but at least YOU tried. If he doesn't, then fuck that noise. People are lame assholes, haha.

If the guy does eventually get in touch, just play it cool and see how the convo goes. For all you know, this dude may attempt a "textationship." aka, all text and talk but no action.

I still think his behavior toward you the last time you saw him was incredibly ridiculous. :/ Wtf is wrong with people??

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Thank you 🙂 You've made me feel better. I do feel sad but I know with time the feeling will pass. I only knew him for a month! So I'm sure it won't take long to forget him, although will be difficult seeing as I really really did like him... sigh.... he has NO idea what he's missing out on!

And yes, his reaction to me not wanting to stay over was a disappointment, so who knows... maybe him not contacting me is a blessing in disguise as there could have been more of those episodes?!

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by sunshinelove
Well I feel really foolish and regret reaching out now....

Do you think he thinks I'm pathetic for chasing after him, or maybe its turned him off even more!

Nah, not foolish. Sometimes reaching out establishes a "power" shift of sorts in the situation. You essentially left the ball in his court and now if he doesn't follow through with his empty words then it's on HIM and he can't backpedal and blame you for not getting in touch. You basically unloaded any sort of ammo he could potentially use against you by reaching out, which can happen. When I've seen guys who use the flaky "busy" excuse as a cop out, they also will use any sort of excuse to absolve them of any accountability for being a flake.

So, say if you didn't get in touch and then text him later asking wtf, he can easily flip it and say "well you never answered..." Guys like this LOVE not being accountable for their actions. They're being cowardly by not being up front with you because THEY don't want to feel bad. You bet your ass they'd use anything else to help avoid accountability and blame you instead.

It's not unusual to feel like a tard by doing so when it's met with indifference, but at least YOU tried. If he doesn't, then fuck that noise. People are lame assholes, haha.

If the guy does eventually get in touch, just play it cool and see how the convo goes. For all you know, this dude may attempt a "textationship." aka, all text and talk but no action.

I still think his behavior toward you the last time you saw him was incredibly ridiculous. :/ Wtf is wrong with people??

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I had a Pisces guy that was the text and talk but no action. lol Um, phone buddies are nice but only for so long. I need a real live person to see and spend time with. lol

Posted by sunshinelove


he has NO idea what he's missing out on!

Sadly, they don't. ...Because they're stupid.

And yes, his reaction to me not wanting to stay over was a disappointment, so who knows... maybe him not contacting me is a blessing in disguise as there could have been more of those episodes?!

click to expand

There could have been, or that it would have stopped once he got what he wanted from you. Hate to say it, but given the current behavior, there's a likely chance that he would have done the same thing if he'd gotten some from you- getting distant and "too busy" to bother making any more plans with you.

My ex did that when he came sniffing around a few years later. Wanted to catch up and all that. Had a good time, but sho nuff, he hits me up for some sex. I turned him down and then it was back to ignoring me/lying about his availability (where he was trying previously to work his schedule out so we could catch up). While I felt the behavior was incredibly manipulative/two faced, I was SO glad I didn't hook up with him. I would have felt 100 times worse about that treatment had I given him some. It's bad enough when guys attempt that shit, but when they succeed? You feel awful.

Posted by WateryGem

I had a Pisces guy that was the text and talk but no action. lol Um, phone buddies are nice but only for so long. I need a real live person to see and spend time with. lol

I have yet to figure out why someone would do this. They keep in touch via text all the time but follow through with some sort of plans once in a blue moon. Wtf is the point? Laziness? Is it solely to kill time/fill some sort of emotional need? They're bored?

I have no problem with texting, but to have the relationship/friendship be mostly text and very little face to face is just strange to me.

Ok, it is relly bugging me that I don't know what has happeend. I can only assume he is dating someone else now. But what if he was put off because of the awkward night we spent together
Can I ask him what happened or will that make me look pathetic/needy/push him further away?
I am a cancer and find it really hard to let go of someone i like, i keep hoping to get a text from him and its buggiing me i am not

Posted by sunshinelove
Ok, it is relly bugging me that I don't know what has happeend. I can only assume he is dating someone else now. But what if he was put off because of the awkward night we spent together
Can I ask him what happened or will that make me look pathetic/needy/push him further away?
I am a cancer and find it really hard to let go of someone i like, i keep hoping to get a text from him and its buggiing me i am not

No. Do not contact him again.

I understand wanting to know what went wrong and needing to know the "why" of it all, but you have to left that go.

There's all kinds of people out here, you'll never be able to understand them all. When people just flake out or show some type of inexplicable behavior, accept that they are free to do as they please. Stop looking for a guy who you can figure out and find one who doesn't leave you standing there confused in the first place.

I agree with both Sid and Tiz. Besides what difference will knowing make? The outcome remains the same.

Shrug it off and move on.

What the hell?

So WHAT if he was put off by that night? YOU should be as well. But here you are, fretting that HE'S put off by something when he was being the douche to begin with AND continues to be doing so.

Yet you're here, practically begging for permission to cave.

Get some self respect. It's asinine that you're this attached after THREE dates.

Posted by LibraSid

Posted by sunshinelove
Ok, it is relly bugging me that I don't know what has happeend. I can only assume he is dating someone else now. But what if he was put off because of the awkward night we spent together
Can I ask him what happened or will that make me look pathetic/needy/push him further away?
I am a cancer and find it really hard to let go of someone i like, i keep hoping to get a text from him and its buggiing me i am not

No. Do not contact him again.

I understand wanting to know what went wrong and needing to know the "why" of it all, but you have to left that go.

There's all kinds of people out here, you'll never be able to understand them all. When people just flake out or show some type of inexplicable behavior, accept that they are free to do as they please. Stop looking for a guy who you can figure out and find one who doesn't leave you standing there confused in the first place.

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Noted

Posted by rockyroadicecream
What the hell?

So WHAT if he was put off by that night? YOU should be as well. But here you are, fretting that HE'S put off by something when he was being the douche to begin with AND continues to be doing so.

Yet you're here, practically begging for permission to cave.

Get some self respect. It's asinine that you're this attached after THREE dates.

+1000. Wow, just wow! She needs to stop WASTING everyone's time making posts like this. What good was it when she was always going to be a desperate doormat and have him walk all over her.

You should be freakin ecstatic that you didn't open your legs to this douche, but instead you're regretting it because you lost this "stellar" upstanding man by not doing that. You didn't feel comfortable having sex with him so stick by that decision! It's about your comfort, not his! It's really sad seeing women in such a state.

Here's a thought: you're this attached after three dates so imagine what would happen to your cancer self after sleepin with him?

Oh and btw, he's a libra. If he does decide to show face, don't expect him to confess that he wanted pussy. Lol. Confrontations and looking like a villainous asshole isn't their thing. They avoid that. Lol.

He rather be the guy that disappeared into the night rather than the straight up type.

Cancers are so irrational when it comes to emotions yikes!

You dodged a bullet he wanted your vagina. Do not give up your morals for a temporary man he showed you his red flags! He's not the one.

Cancers are so irrational when it comes to emotions yikes!

You dodged a bullet he wanted your vagina. Do not give up your morals for a temporary man he showed you his red flags! He's not the one.