Is there a chance with my Libra man?

I need help. I really do.

My Libra man and I (Cancer woman-Sagi Moon-Gem Mercury/Venus) have been dating for about a year. It was love at first sight for both of us, instant connection. First 4 months was so sweet and the best times I've ever had with a man. He was attentive, loving, caring, romantic and always wanted to work on our relationship and talk things through. But I fell too deep and started acting controlling, demanding, argumentative and unreasonable out of my own insecurity, all because I was so scared that he didn't care about me as much as I did him and I was not a priority to him. He said he never felt such a strong connection with anyone else but his ex-wife whom he was married to for 14 years since he was 19. It was sweet of him but somehow I didn't quite believe and felt that his words were empty even though he gave me most his time and attention and treated me really well (How stupid I was I know!!).

After a big fight on his birthday, our relationship went downhill very quickly. He said later something inside him died a little but still liked me and wanted to carry on but things got worse. I acted worse towards him out of hurt and fear of losing him. Then earlier this year he told me he lost a lot of feelings for me over constant drama and fighting. We went on a break and things didn't get better. He lost faith and desire to work on this relationship so it was just dragging on from there.

During this time he applied for a job overseas for which we had many fights about. While he was still waiting for the result of the job application, we carried on and decided to relax and take it casually (still in a relationship). Things magically improved. We had less fights (thanks to efforts made by both of us) and were generally having a good time and I felt his feelings came back a little. This unfortunately lasted only 1.5-2 months. Then news on the job came unexpectedly when we both thought that job was forever lost, and this opportunity to work overseas was now more real. While he was considering things and wanting to at least proceed with the final interview overseas I went nuts and back to my old ways and harassed him every other day.

Now he wants to end it because he's decided he no longer wants a relationship and just want to be single and focus on his career. He needs time on this own and do things for himself (without having to answer to anyone constantly especially someone needy like me - he never said it this way).

He is moving overseas in 2 months. I insisted to carry on as normal until the end of 2 months since we probably wouldn't be in each other's life any more. He agreed but this has been incredibly hard knowing he won't be here soon.
Is there a chance for us to reconcile at all? We are still very attracted to each other but he is just no longer in headspace to be in a committed relationship anymore. I don't know if he genuinely does not want a relationship or just don't want to be with me. He says it's both and there are parts of my personality he struggles with and cannot see us working out long term. I don't even like myself when I let my emotions take over me and act aggressively towards him. I am sick of me and really wanted to save myself and save us. Is there a chance at all? Following him overseas is obviously not practical given the current state of our relationship. He's moving to a bigger city and there are so many exciting things and pretty women there. I feel even more insecure knowing how easy it is for him to move on when he's surrounded by opportunities everywhere. Any advice would be really really appreciated!

Posted by cici
I need help. I really do.

My Libra man and I (Cancer woman-Sagi Moon-Gem Mercury/Venus) have been dating for about a year. It was love at first sight for both of us, instant connection. First 4 months was so sweet and the best times I've ever had with a man. He was attentive, loving, caring, romantic and always wanted to work on our relationship and talk things through. But I fell too deep and started acting controlling, demanding, argumentative and unreasonable out of my own insecurity, all because I was so scared that he didn't care about me as much as I did him and I was not a priority to him. He said he never felt such a strong connection with anyone else but his ex-wife whom he was married to for 14 years since he was 19. It was sweet of him but somehow I didn't quite believe and felt that his words were empty even though he gave me most his time and attention and treated me really well (How stupid I was I know!!).

After a big fight on his birthday, our relationship went downhill very quickly. He said later something inside him died a little but still liked me and wanted to carry on but things got worse. I acted worse towards him out of hurt and fear of losing him. Then earlier this year he told me he lost a lot of feelings for m

You're soo right, you do need help! You need to work on your self esteem & own self-worth before you get into any relationship. Your insecurity makes you a super high maintenance GF. That can be draining for anyone.

There's no hope if you don't change. You can't rein on your insecurities while you were together, what makes you think a LDR would be easier? Forget the idea. You can't handle LDRs or any relationship at this point.

Libras are very accommodating by nature but even we have our limits. If you continue to keep pushing the wrong buttons, we certainly won't put up with it for long. We definitely don't put up with disrespect either.

When you have something great going for you, don't self-sabotage it by concentrating on your worries & fears. We all have worries but don't let it ruin your relationships. Live in the moment, enjoy each other's company. Life's too short to just live it in fear. Give it your all & give it your best. Trust that whatever happens, you have the inner resilience to get over it. Don't be too scared to get hurt. It's not the worst thing that can happen to you.

Dear, you seem more bad than a Leo ( that me ) 🙂 But do not get so sad ! I reading your story and I want to ask you 2 things :
1. Did the divorce of his and his wife was bad for him ? I mean she left him ?
2. Are you sure he apply for job outside ? ( I ask you this, as this thing I met here to other person and I am not sure if you are the same person or not , but it is also a Libra's lie this ! Libra do say things like this " I go oversea, bla bla " ). When you arrive to know the truth, you will see that is was a big lie.... ( excepting some cases where there are real proofs about this).

I was also fighting with my Libra, in the sense of verbal fighting only, when he wrong to me , then I forgiven him so many times, but never told him things directly face to face, just in messenger. Face to face he was other people ! He was as I wish to be. But in messenger he tortured me so much...
Your story is exactly identic as mine. The same love at first sign. The same 3-4 months so sweet, then he started to disappear.. etc..

I want to ask you other things : do you know everything about his past marriage ? kids ? problems ?
My Libra said exactly the same thing as yours : I love you, but I don't want to marry ! and things like this, He also said he wants to be single all his life and he is afraid to marry because his ex wife treated him bad ( but in his case, I think he was the one who treat peoples bad...but Libra always push the fault on other peoples ! ).

What I can tell you, from my experience, if you care of him and still show love and feelings , he will be back to you , but I am afraid he will be back just casual and this will hurt you more ! Mine did this and back to me always, but when things from my side become seriously and wanted to talk about our future, he again told me he no want to marry . And more, he added words to hurt me telling me we are not the same, etc... I told him then, OK, let us meet the last time and say good bye in a nice way. He did not came to meet me for this ! Now he still keep me in his messenger ( he deleted me several times before and when he back, he added me back) , now he don't deleting me . What to understand ? He don't want to lose me and this is why he no want come to meet to say good bye.

What you can do now, you can tell him your feelings, can show love and care ( even you are hurt ! ) and then you can ask him ( best face to face) to say good bye forever or to continue your relationship. Ask him

Ask him to choice, tell him you love him, but if he does not loves you, is his choice. If he ignore you ( as mine do now ), you can hide yourself for a while , even for along time. In this time, try to live your life as you can , without him. Let him miss you .

I am not sure what chance you can have , because if he already decided to be single and if you still harassing him, this will make him no want to be even friend with you. So, calm down , be patient , anyway, if you still be desperate after him, there is no chance anyway, right ? Let the time to decide. Is hard and I know is hard, I know what you feel and where you are now wit your feelings, but just think : if you lose him, you lose someone who don't love you. If he lose you, he lose someone who loves him. Libra is a very strange creature and they do things that only them understand them. You need much, much patience with them or give up and move on with your life if you can.

My Libra, even I would say something now, even I would say I die of something, I think he continue ignore me . I only can do the same thing and let time between us, maybe in one day he will talk again ... So, maybe you can do the same, find peace in your heart and calm down first !

What helps me to get him back every time, it was an instant express of feelings about what I feel about him , something that came suddenly in my mind from my heart to tell him. If you understand what I mean. For example, I expressed that I want to kiss him in that moment , or how much I miss him and I wish to hug him or the way I want to spend that moment with him. I don't know why, but this is what he always liked, expressing what I feel in that moment. If I do not express in that moment, the next 5 minutes later , I cannot say the same thing, I mean, it was a message from heart for him and I just needed to transmit to him in that moment. This thing also made me feel very good , because peoples are unable express love feelings all of the time, you know, if you don't say it when is the right time and when is coming in your mind and when you feel to say it and have the courage to say it and don't think too much about the way to say it, that is coming as a surprise for him also , in a moment when maybe he was not expected it. Most of the times, my messages like this, got him in a sad posture and this made him over that feeling and he realized that only I can do that for him and then he came back to me in a sweet nice way.

I am not sure if this is working now in your case, but if you feel to express love and you think " oh, I don't have to whom to say all this what I feel , because he does not care..", just stop this thinking and when this message come into your mind to express love from your heart, please express it ! You have nothing to lose, maybe it will be helpful ! and if it will not be, what else you can make worse than now ? Really nothing ! Is better say something lovely and positive than to keep angry and think negative, right ? Try all your best before to give up. As Libra up say, give all your best, stop all your bad ! Sometimes, a simple word put in the right place and time, can bring light !

Delia, you need to stop feeding delusion.

I can admit that I was aggressive too as a Leo. But in time, Libra changed me a lot. When I was ready to fighting verbal with him for something ( usually something grave ) , I realized that I don't have with who ! He already was gone ... and leaved me fighting myself 🙂 Then he back when things came back to peace again ... So, stop be aggressive with him, and with anyone , no sense ! Stop harassing him and everyone else , try to change this about yourself. You say you hate yourself for the way you are, I know what you means ! When you are aggressive with someone, you also make yourself feel bad because give yourself so much negative energy ! I also suggest you a therapy , natural therapy for mood changing : take every day 2 lemons : add their juice in water ( the first month take 2 lemons, cut every one of them in 2 pieces. ) add a half of lemon ( a piece ) juice in a glass of water of 250-300ml water. Drink one in the morning , 2 over the day and 1 in the evening. The second month, drink only the juice for one lemon per day. Not only give you a good mood, but it will also help you with your hormonal balance and skin . Lemon is best for mood change. You will see that you will be so calm in time, you will even can do not care if someone leave you in a relationship or if someone tells you some bad words. You will can't keep angry. Believe me, it will help a lot ! Good luck !

i think you might have to start considering that this is done for. we try and we try and we try but if we come to a breaking point it is really hard to get the feelings back. we shut down and lose all motivation to put the effort in anymore.

from my own personal experience i know the flames can be kept alive but it has to be done quickly and you have to keep in regular, close contact.

that this has been happening for some time in addition to his moving away would mean to me that you'll strike out on both those counts.

maybe you just aren't a good fit. not everyone is. speaking personally if someone harassed me every other day, was controlling, demanding and argumentative i would run, not walk, for the hills. life is too short to be on the receiving end of that. its so much better to be alone and in peace.

Posted by rockyroadicecream
Delia, you need to stop feeding delusion.

her own or everyone else's?

for your own peace of mind i would recommend doing a bit of work on yourself. don't chase him overseas. tat would be disastrous. you sound like you don't have a lot of confidence in the things you bring to the relationship table. i have no doubt that you have a lot of wonderful qualities. he obviously saw them in the first 4 months.

fear is destructive and insidious. when people cling and become desperate they are saying they alone are not good enough. you cannot make someone stay by berating, manipulating or forcing them. you can't white knuckle through a relationship.

if you can embrace all the great things you have to offer, other people will see it too. you won't have to worry about outside influences taking your partner away from you. they will know a good thing when they see it. and if they don't? then they are not good enough for you.

rockyroadicecream I suggesting you leave this forum, really ! In all your replies, to everyone, you only spread negative thinking and rude ! Please stop telling me what to do or what to not do . I think everyone here expose their experience and we have to learn from everyone 's experience something or at least to take notice ! I said what's helps for me and it can help for her too. IF she want follow my idea, is only hear choice. If she do as she thinks is better, also is good . Everyone need follow his or her heart ! I never let myself influenced by negative or rude thinking as your , and hope the person here in need of help, do not take in consideration the negative advices also ! Everything is positive is good , right ? So, follow a positive way and your heart ! Nobody in fact can help someone on this forum, only yourself can as you feel, you do . What we say here, is only from our personal experiences. Your may be better soon, who knows ?

Posted by Delia
rockyroadicecream I suggesting you leave this forum, really ! In all your replies, to everyone, you only spread negative thinking and rude ! Please stop telling me what to do or what to not do . I think everyone here expose their experience and we have to learn from everyone 's experience something or at least to take notice ! I said what's helps for me and it can help for her too. IF she want follow my idea, is only hear choice. If she do as she thinks is better, also is good . Everyone need follow his or her heart ! I never let myself influenced by negative or rude thinking as your , and hope the person here in need of help, do not take in consideration the negative advices also ! Everything is positive is good , right ? So, follow a positive way and your heart ! Nobody in fact can help someone on this forum, only yourself can as you feel, you do . What we say here, is only from our personal experiences. Your may be better soon, who knows ?

Delia it doesn't surprise me that your Libra man is not talking to you and I don't think you understand libras. I think your advise is wrong and it's better not to follow it. I know rockyroadicecream can be harsh but I agree with her/him.

Haha, my Libra talk to me now ! What do you still have to say now ? And he talk to me only because I am positive always, not negative as your all advices are here !

Cici, I really don't know why you changed your name from Asiana to Cici..... you use the same story to say , here trying to show us your real face and personality, and in the Asian's post, you use another face , but the same story ! I know is you ! I wanted to give you the best advice, even here or there, but you can or not consider it, is up to you ! Don't forget that some persons here are unhappy and they no want you be happy also , so from this point of view, they may give to you the bad advice or share with you their negative thinking ! I tried to make you think positive in both of your posts and I was really real with you . I am never fake with peoples and if I were unhappy when I posted my ad first, that does not mean I will think negative about what could your things with your Libra be ! But many peoples here I see they think the same just like their mind is : black !

Posted by Sugarfoot
In agreement with aesmadaeva and jeane here. It sounds like this man really loves you and he's been honest with you about his feelings along the way. He's been hanging in there and trying to make things work for quite a while but he's lost his motivation. Cancers have a way of really getting a hold on Libra in a way that's not easy to shake at all. I'd say, he probably still has feelings for you but he's made up his mind that you guys can't survive in the long term so he wants to end it. Libras will eventually choose what the mind tells them to do over the heart. You should start to accept the fact that you guys may never get back together.

I'm thinking the only chance you have at reconciling at this point would be through friendship. Respect his wishes and stop pushing for your relationship. Tell him everything you've said here. Explain why you kept acting the way you did towards him. Tell him you will take that time to work on yourself so you can be better in your next relationship. Then actually do that. Stay friends with him though. Stay in contact. Love him enough to set him free and want what's best for him even if it's not you. I know that sounds counter-intuitive to a cancer but that's how air signs work. He needs to feel freedom right now. And, whatever you do, don't bring anymore drama because he'll end up cutting you off and never looking back.

When/If he goes overseas, be that person he wants to talk to about everything that's happening there. Be positive and encouraging. Forget about the pretty women he might meet. If he's the typical Libra male, you have a greater hold on him than any of them ever could at this stage. Good luck.

Very Very true. I have this one cancer male whom i care alot for, but we are just
not meant to be. He's emotionally draining, to the point where he is not fun to be
around. He used to constantly test me, and push and push until I felt like more of
a pawn than an acutal human being he cared about. He probably thinks i hate him
and want nothing to do with him, which couldn't be more far from the truth. I
actually love him, i'm not in love with him but i want the best for him. i just
dont think we are whats best for each other, however i'll be if you ask him about
me he'll tell you i ripped out his heart, and dont care about him,
all things he made up in his head. smh.

Thank you!! Thank you so much for all your advice (especially from AesmaDaeva, Jeane and Sugarfoot). Delia thanks lots for your input as well. By the way I am not Asiana. I just registered yesterday.

I have so much regrets in this relationship and I wish I could travel back in time and undo all the crazy things I did.

I have a very distant relationship with my dad who left me and my mum when I was little. Even before my dad left home he never showed me any affection, hugged me or said he was proud of me about anything, and to make it worse my mum used to tell me all the time that my dad didn't love me or he wouldn't have left. Now I am an adult and looking back my relationships with men (teachers, work mates, friends or bfs) have all been very dramatic. I am getting better as I grow older but I have so much baggage from the past so the progress has been slow.

Most people who don't know me very well would describe me as a confident, outgoing, spontaneous and fun person but I know deep down I am very insecure and always compare myself to other people. I tend to overreact as soon as I sense that I am being disrespected or victimized. Jeane you are right. It's fear which makes me constantly picking up little triggers. Looking back he did love and cared for me very much. He says all the time how much he likes spending time with me and that I have an addictive personality but he struggles when I get into my mood I become super emotional and scary and this can happen at any time any day. He is usually a very calm person and doesn't get upset easily but I seem to have the ability to push him over the edge all the time.

Sugarfoot, thank you for pointing out the only possible solution if I still want him in my life that is to be his best friend and biggest fan. Recently I have been acting very much like PinkLibra's Cancerian ex bf which pushed him further away. I really need to stop my good for nobody behaviours now, given that we only have less than 2 months together and if anything I want him to remember my good qualities.

To be honest he would be better off with someone who is more emotionally balanced. I hope I can be that person for him soon, and if not I hope I could love him enough to be happy for him no matter what...

Sugarfoot and Tiziani thanks lots your comments. I want to keep fighting for our relationship but it has been so hard lately because I am fighting this battle on my own.

He has been a little stressed but overall very happy about his new life in the other city, whereas I have been miserable, up and down for days, weeks and months now. I insisted on seeing each other till he goes but I am pretty sure I digged myself a big hole. Maybe he's just using me to kill time before he leaves, nothing more than that. He says it's hard and he's sad too but he doesn't look sad at all. Seeing him so motivated to move makes me feel so unwanted and insignificant.

I've read online articles about how I should do "No Contact" so that he could miss me. Does this work on Libra men, or suitable for my particular situation since he will be overseas soon? I feel that everytime I leave him or tell him I can't do this anymore he seems sad but are ready to cut me out of his life no matte what (determined and completely rational). If I go back and ask to continue then he will consider and act like a bf again (texting me, cuddling, taking me out and stuff) but maybe he is just doing it because he feels he should. We can still have lots of fun even now as long as I don't start thinking about what is going to happen in 2 months and start talking about our relationship.

Sugarfoot, you mentioned you had a Cancerian bf. Did you lose feelings for him as well? If feelings were lost because of drama and fights what would be the best way (for you) to re-gain that loving feelings again?

I really want to know if he still has any feelings for me at all? If there's something left I will stay strong and keep fighting but if he sees me purely as a friend or someone to kill time with then there's probably no point for me to keep fighting anymore because it's hard as it is.

How do you know if a Libra man still has feelings or not? Since people say Libras like to keep peace and dislikes confrontations. How do I know if my man is just seeing me because I wanted to continue? He has said repeatedly that he doesn't want a long term relationship and not interested in dating other people either. He says he still wants to see me but feels it might be too hard on me. Do you think there could still be some feelings left or am I just fooling myself?

You're fooling yourself.

...and you're doing it again. Stop it.

Rockyroadicecream, did you mean there simply is no hope for reconciliation? I was fooling myself to feel there may still be hope?

Thanks Tiziani. I should give up I know. It's just a lot harder when I was the one who ruined a potentially really good relationship not because I didn't care but maybe I cared too much in the wrong way. I can't right now because I still have strong feelings for him but I am sure I will walk out one day soon because I always do after all my failed relationships. It just sucks so much when this keeps happening. It's like you get sick and took you years to recover and after you finally recover you get sick again and again..never ending cycle. After a while your health will have deteriorated to a point you can never be really healthy again.

We are still having fun and he has also mentioned to go away for a road trip this weekend and that's why I guess I am still hanging in there. If he looks at me coldly and is just merely being polite I would have left him alone because that would be too awkward. Maybe he's just seeing as a friend and hence all the nice gestures and attention? Yup he has emotionally checked out. I should probably see a therapist. I feel I am close to having a depression.

i think you should probably speak to someone. that this keeps happening means the common denominator is you. not surprisingly, it sounds like your dad messed you up when he left as a little kid. your mum telling you that his lack of love for you was the cause he left was fucked up. it's not fair and it's not true. this is a terrible burden to carry through life.

quite possibly you are picking flaky men who were never going to stick around or through your behaviour you will push men away so you can confirm to yourself that you will always be left in your life. it's a pattern that will repeat itself over and over again until you work some of your own baggage out. until then i can't see any relationship lasting.

take this as a really good opportunity to take the time to sort through this. he is going so won't be a distraction and you have the chance to start fresh.

Posted by cici
Rockyroadicecream, did you mean there simply is no hope for reconciliation? I was fooling myself to feel there may still be hope?

Yes.

And you sound ridiculous trying to pick apart everything to see if some secret meaning exists. Everyone does it, but you sit here and admit you should move along and that it's done, but then start picking which tells us that you refuse to see it done and still hold out hope.

You done fucked up. It's done. Deal with it. This is a learning experience and you need to move along into therapy. Do not get into another relationship. Do not keep this guy around as a "friend" in hopes of him changing his mind. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $ 200.

Rockyroadicecream, My brain tells me I should move on but heart tells me otherwise, and that's why I came to this forum. I still have feelings for the man and he hasn't done anything to prove he's not worth it so it's a lot harder to let go. If he cheated on me or treated me like a piece of crap I would usually move on a lot faster. Regret is a lot harder to get over with.

I may sound ridiculous at the moment but I am about to lose the man I care about very dearly and have recently found out how serious my flaws are so yea I will probably sound ridiculous for a while. Thanks anyway.

You are right Jeane. I don't have a problem picking a good man but I kept pushing them away. All my relationships ended in the same pattern. They started with the men treating me like a princess and shower me with affection and gifts then I started acting demanding, controlling and needy and gradually pushed them over the edge. I do have a lot to work on and have improved a lot but it's a learning process but along the way I suffered losses. It's so painful to know I still have so much to work on.

Thanks lots for your feedback. You have been wonderful!

Posted by jeane
i think you should probably speak to someone. that this keeps happening means the common denominator is you. not surprisingly, it sounds like your dad messed you up when he left as a little kid. your mum telling you that his lack of love for you was the cause he left was fucked up. it's not fair and it's not true. this is a terrible burden to carry through life.

quite possibly you are picking flaky men who were never going to stick around or through your behaviour you will push men away so you can confirm to yourself that you will always be left in your life. it's a pattern that will repeat itself over and over again until you work some of your own baggage out. until then i can't see any relationship lasting.

take this as a really good opportunity to take the time to sort through this. he is going so won't be a distraction and you have the chance to start fresh.

Posted by cici
Rockyroadicecream, My brain tells me I should move on but heart tells me otherwise, and that's why I came to this forum. I still have feelings for the man and he hasn't done anything to prove he's not worth it so it's a lot harder to let go. If he cheated on me or treated me like a piece of crap I would usually move on a lot faster. Regret is a lot harder to get over with.

I may sound ridiculous at the moment but I am about to lose the man I care about very dearly and have recently found out how serious my flaws are so yea I will probably sound ridiculous for a while. Thanks anyway.

Your heart is wrong.

It's also lovely that someone tells you how it is and you dismiss them. If you want enabling, you shouldn't be asking for advice. You're just proving what waste of time you are here.

Yes it's hard. We all know this. But you aren't trying very hard to do what needs to be done, so you stay put and continue to torment yourself because you can't let go. That's nothing anyone here can fix for you if you won't bother doing the necessary actions.

So continue on with asking others to enable you when you clearly need to seek help for your issues. As long as those exist, you will never find a properly functioning relationship.

Thank you so very much Sugarfoot. I have read some of your comments (on other topics) and really appreciate the thoughtful and constructive feedback you always give to people in need.

You couldn't be more right about why he wants to hang out but yet doesn't want to be with me long term. He doesn't have to spend time with me as he got lots to do (things to sell, friends/fam to catch up with and etc. I guess I wanted to understand why he does this so I could hold on to the false hope that things could work out. I have to accept that we are at an end.

I wanted friendship with him previously because I was hoping he would change his mind about us. Now I must decide whether I could handle a friendship with him without any expectations, or maybe I don't have to decide and just let things be after he moves away. I feel he may contact me just because how close we are and can talk about anything but I am sure with the distance he will contact me less frequently as time goes on and then we will fade out and become just a memory.

I am going to work on my issues and hopefully will be able to achieve some good progress after the hard lesson from this relationship. I am till hurting very bad but time will heal...

Posted by Sugarfoot
No I did not lose feelings for my ex. I still have them but I moved on anyway. That's the thing that separates air and water. We didn't have much drama or fights. It was his refusal to communicate about important things that affected our relationship that finally convinced me to leave. When I was thinking about if I could spend my life with him, the answer was no because I couldn't see how we would ever be able to work through problems that came up. The relationship was just too stressful for me and I couldn't see an end in sight to the issues because he wouldn't even admit he had these issues until it was all over.

I truly do think that you need to take this break from him as an opportunity to work things out within yourself. Don't keep fighting for the relationship. He's already made up his mind and what he's doing makes sense to me. Your relationship was already strained and now he's going to another country. That type of long distance relationship will only add more strain to the relationship. He probably wants to end it before you guys end up hating each other.

FWIW, you couldn't pay me to hang around someone I didn't want to ha