Libra, when to chase or not to chase? Your opinion

Hello,
I read something about Libras in general that, even though it's confusing, seems to bare some truth because of so many different opinions I have encountered not only here on DXP but also all around the internet; it goes something like this:

"They also like to make the first move (even the women) and will lose interest quickly in a person that they don't feel in control of or that they feel they no longer have to chase."

I'm am confused because it seems contradictory at first sight; it almost seems to say that, on one hand, Libras lose interest when not in control and, on the other hand, they lose interest when they think that have all the control... I believe that especially in early stages of courtship this can be extremely tricky to manage and I, personally speaking, am in a situation with a Libra girl I am very fond of where I don't know if chasing her or leave her be is the best course of action.

In my case, i met this beautiful Libra girl a couple of months ago in work (she is a model) and since I am her boss during the first couple of weeks I didn't make any kind of move and was just polite until she showed interest in me, at this point I casually asked her out to a play, she said she couldn't make it that day because of another job, I did not make a big deal out of it and we kept talking not only in work (we saw each other at least once every 2 weeks) but also though text (sometimes I would initiate casual contact and sometimes she would) and she shared many personal things about her life and her family during this period.

I went on a trip abroad and even brought her a souvenir just to show I cared and she loved the fact that I remembered her while I was away. During this whole period I did not formally asked her out but there were a couple of times when we could have gone out after work but on those two time she was either too tired from the day and needed to sleep or she was late for her brother's birthday party. Again, I did not make a fuss about anything because I know we are both busy people with stressful lives in our own way.

Then, 3 weeks ago, I was giving her a ride home and, as the conversation flowed she was talking about how busy she currently was and how she was sorry she could only go to the beach in July and only had one day free next week, I invited her to come with me on a one day trip to an water park 2 hours away she said she loved and for witch I happened to have a free voucher on the day she had free th

(...)the following weekend but she refused and went one saying she would be too tired for that by then and that she needed her 8 hours sleep every night otherwise she would be ill and went on, and on for a couple of minutes. Well, I said nothing during that time besides a initial, "you could rest in the car if you wish" and then I went mute and just listened to her excuses. When she finished we made the last 5 minutes to her home in complete silence, we kissed goodbye on the cheek as usual and that was it. The reason why I was silent was because I didn't felt comfortable having another invitation of mine rejected, this time in a day she was free but she already knew she was going to be tired... Don't get me wrong, I understand we are not all alike and some people need more rest or function on a different pace so this is not the problem, the problem is that, on my experience, when a girl rejects an invitation more than 2 times without trying to reschedule to another day then something else is going on and it's never good to the guy who is chasing her.

I let the whole week go by and then, last monday, I sent her a casual text message about the bad weather and how she was lucky the summer was waiting for her, she replied immediately and we exchanged a couple of texts where she was now telling me how busy she was and how she would be like that until the end of July, through all the texts she was polite but I noticed she was colder than usual.

I happened to used the voucher a couple of days ago (after texting her) and while in the water park I actually casually encountered 2 girls who also work for me and the Libra girl knows and is friends with on facebook; they took a very casual picture with me and posted it on facebook so the Libra girl will probably see it and I am actually worried about what she will think because I didn't actually do anything wrong and I even invited her to come along.

So now, I don't know if I should contact her and just check how she is doing since I will probably not see her for a couple of weeks or if I should stay in my corner and do nothing hoping she will come around which takes us back to the title of the topic: When should we chase a Libra girl when when not to?

Any opinion in my personal case or just in general will be very much appreciated and helpful not only to myself but also for the hundreds, maybe thousands, of people checking this forum and confused by Libras 🙂

This is JMO, but you have nothing to worry about, it's not like u didn't ask her to come, plus I do believe you had a good time which is nothing wrong with that, also nothing to feel guilty about, if he wants to be busy let her, live your life, only chase a libra when they show interest like actually go on an event that you guys plan, If anything it might make the libra want to spend time with you, cause now she knows you like to keep it light and fun, in which is what your suppose to do with libras in the begining

Hello TaurusNikki and tiziani (love Miami Vice btw), thank you for your opinions. I fell you are both right in everything you wrote about my particular situation but when i said I was "worried" about what's on this Libra's girl mind now I was mostly referring to all combined aspects, meaning, I felt she was opening up to me slowly and we were getting closer but that last time I contacted her and she seemed colder I got the impression that maybe she interpreted my silence to her excuses when she did not accept my invitation because she would be too tired after a week of work traveling around as lack of understanding or consideration from my part for her motives or who she is.

I do believe that we reached a crucial point and I can either make it or break it with what I do or won't do next and everything I read about Libra girls and the attraction phase of relationships is so contradictory, even here on DXP, that the more I read the more confused I am.

By the interpretation I make on written opinions about Libra girls, for some of them this is a time where reassurance of interest would be in order on my part, for other however this would the time to back off completely and say nothing more until she said anything first and then for others it would seem like I blew it already.

I wouldn't stress about all of it, really. She sounds flaky and self centered.

I mean really, making up bullshit excuses that far in advance in regard to how tired she'll be? Buuulllshit.

There's no "ifs" about her behavior. She's not interested and who cares how she interpreted your silence as? The chick needs a reality check if she thinks her behavior isn't going to garner any type of negative response.

The flaky, annoying Libra bitch variety I've come across are just that- bitches. That whole airy sign thing makes them approach all of it very callously and they aren't thinking twice about you. I know because I hear some of the fucked up bs they brag about when they handle guys with interest. It's so freaking cold hearted.

She may not be like that to a T, but given her behavior, why are you worried about keeping her interest? She should be worried about keeping yours. You've made it clear that you're interested. If she ignores that and never sees you as such, her loss.

What I don't understand is why you continue to chase and worry what her fickle little brain is thinking of you when she's not interested. Go use your energy on someone worth that effort and time.

Hello there rockyroadicecream, thank you for your opinion. I can't really argue with your logic but maybe I wrote everything in a way that makes this Libra seem more "bitchy" than she may be in reality.

She is used to having guys hitting on her all the time and still she is alone for a long time now and most of the time she is actually just a plain sweet girl, sometimes shy, who actually lives with her old mom and picks abandoned dogs and cats from the street and feeds them in her backyard whenever she gets the chance. I guess that, besides her good looks, I was mostly attracted by her kind heart but on the other hand she is indeed very self centered...

Oh, I heard her saying many times that men are all the same so I guess someone did a number on her before...

Then she needs to come to terms with whatever someone did to her. It's not your job to "save" her from something she needs to naturally figure out herself. Life isn't some romantic comedy where so and so saves the emotionally damaged individual and they live happily ever after.


I'm not condoning being some hard ass and ignoring her or dropping her all together, but I think that, mentally, you need to start separating yourself from romantic notions of her because you're just going to end up disappointed and hurt.

Of course I must agree with that perspective rockyroadicecream, but i didn't mean she is emotionally damaged, in fact I am positive she isn't, but her past experiences (not only with her but also around her) made her believe in some stereotypes I guess.

My feelings are well in check and I am living my life, I am just fond of her and would like to know her better.

I think you should take a step back, she definitely knows you are interested, the last excuse was pretty lame so you should play it cool from now on, be yourself but don't initiate contact, no more invitations, be very busy yourself and see what she does.

I am sure she will come around once she notices you are not pursuing her anymore, IMO we like to be chased but to a certain extent, I like a guy that is interested but if I cancel or don't make time for him can "put me in my place" I like a strong guy that can snap me out of my indecisiveness, I am not talking about getting mad at her but show her with your actions, be aloof and busy. Good luck 🙂

Hello Dafna79, nice to meet you! I really value your opinion since you are a Libra girl and I do trust your judgement; the slight problem that I have is that I will actually need to contact her for professional reasons this week and I can't let personal motives interfere with that; I'll let someone else arrange things as I always did though...

That's not a problem, be yourself, be friendly and profesional but stop pursuing, she shoild not think you are mad or hurt but notice that you are no longer running after her.

I'm a Libra guy, so perhaps my opinion isn't the best, but you gotta stop chasing at this point. We're wishy washy most of the time, but anytime I liked someone I moved heaven and earth to be where they asked me to be. I'll go as far as to learn more things about a topic (be it music, movies, books, etc) if the person I am interested in asked me to go somewhere and I don't have a clue about it. We are a very indecisive lot and you literally made it a no brainer: come here with me this day. That's a Libra dream, I don't have to think about it I just need to show up. Finally, as you said, you attempted several plans and she had an excuse for each other. Let's face it, no one knows their schedule or how they'll feel that much in advance. We tend to not want to make people feel bad by saying no so we'll come up with an excuse. That's what she did.

The wisest thing you can do is cut off all contact that isn't needed (since you work together). No more random texts, no Facebook comments or likes, and no email. I know I for one do flirt, but if I know someone is interested in me and I don't feel the same then I stop the flirting. I know a lot of people like to believe we love to bask in the glow of attention, but I never do it at the expense of someone's feelings. Now, if she decides to contact you play it cool and take your time responding. I think having your picture taken by coworkers was a great thing. Shows you stick to your plans regardless of her and that others are interested in you (even just as a friend).

As far as Libra's liking to control things, dunno where you got that. Our lives are utter chaos for the most part, just constantly balancing things out. We do enjoy attention and love to work a room, but I wouldn't call that control by any sense of the word.

I believe you are correct Dafna79 and I hope you are right since I will be doing jus that, your opinion was really helpful (as everyone Else's since they have things in common with yours).

Hello theGrinch, thanks for your opinion too, it's actually very valid and helpful as well. Your point of view is completely correct and what confused me the most was that I am far from being her main employer (not even close to that actually, she freelances and she doesn't need to work for scraps either) but even so she has accepted every single opportunity to be with me "professionally" even in easily dismissible situations like a 2 hours job with no publicity value or income value to her on the night of her Mother's birthday (I didn't knew that before seeing her that night or else I wouldn't have asked her to do the job) but when I asked her out outside work I got only excuses prior and after that... It's almost as if she wasn't sure she wanted to be alone with me outside work, I don't know. But in any case you are right and it's time to cut off all contact unless absolutely needed professionally, be polite and see what happens I guess.

Me personally I like the man to be in control but I wont just let him have it. I'm a strong woman so in order to be in control you must be more dominant then me. Ill fight for dominance just to loose. In bed and in general. Hope that helps

Hi Libra911, thanks for your opinion, I can only agree with you since logic is on your side, I am going to assume what you told me and behave accordingly.

Hello Libragirl37, great meeting you as well. I smiled with your last sentence because your opinion does help and I believe I understand what you, as a Libra girl yourself, are telling me but at the same time it does confuse me a bit because I am unsure how exactly be more dominant now. Maybe stop "chasing", like I said I would do and so may people advised, is the only way to eventually regroup and be dominant again now wouldn't you say so?

Yes dont chase. You can still talk to your libra lady but let her get ahold of you first sometimes. Also make discion it shows you're in control and also us libras have a hard time with and we appreciate it.

I always tell my boyfriend he is the perfect mix of sweet and strong.
We met online and from the beginning he was pursuing, consistent and very sweet, I was talking to a lot of other guys and he was so sweet I thought he was going to be around so I canceled our 1st date twice, when he tried to reeschedule I told him I was in the process of moving (it was true!) he jokingly said I was a pretty busy girl and then the sweet guy that would text me everyday stopped communication for a whole week, that got my attention, I waited and waited and then couldn't take it anymore and I texted him 🙂

To this date he is the sweetest guy, he takes care of me, spoils me rotten, everything is "whatever you want babe" but when I start pulling some cookiemonsterer act he calls me on my butter, I know I am lucky to have an amazing guy but I also know I cannot take advantage and that I RESPECT and is a huge turn on 😉

Basically, if u make plans and she gives u an excuse, just play it cool, and still go, have some fun, don't let her excuses get u down, you have to be strong, do your own thing, and o by the way it's a libra test, them being busy, it's just a way to see how far u will go to lose control, libras hate clingy people, If u do your own thing shows that you have live without them and can hold your own, which is very attractive, ur still in the first stages with this libra, keep it light

Taurusnikki is right! We hate clingy guys so do your thing boy!

I have a libra for a boyfriend and let me tell ya, if your not logical enough, they will have you in a cycle, and believe me, u don't want to fall into that game, libras are like chess, but in a good way tho, example, they will take your bishop and politely tell you to have a nice day, in other words go away cause you have no idea what your doing, it takes a lot of back bone, intellect, and a wit sense of humor to tame a libra, this sign, is young at heart, likes to keep things light no drama unless it fits the situation logically, libras don't believe in wasting their time, that pro and con have already been weighted, ur in a cycle right now, good luck getting out

Posted by Lysander
....but even so she has accepted every single opportunity to be with me "professionally" even in easily dismissible situations like a 2 hours job with no publicity value or income value to her...

but when I asked her out outside work I got only excuses prior and after that... It's almost as if she wasn't sure she wanted to be alone with me outside work, I don't know.

Honey, that's a giant, flaming sign saying she isn't interested. What's so hard to understand? It's pretty universal. Same rule applies for women too.

Consistent use of excuses is a pretty big dur that they aren't interested.

I agree with Nikki on the Libra test thing. When they are busy you have to get busy. I never get more calls and messages than when I'm out having a good time with the girls. It is extremely attractive to them that you have an active social life even though they will pout and try to make you cancel your plans for them. If you freak out and start texting them and calling them and complaining about the amount of time you spend together it is the surest way to get them to exit stage left.

I have just started keeping things light as air with him and it works wonders for our relationship. Sweetens him right up and has him wanting to spend time with me as opposed avoiding me because I'm going to corner him into a "talk" about the relationship. Now he brings up thorny topics on his own - without my prompting. I just let him talk and listen intently because you learn more that way.

UPDATE
First of all, thank you for all your opinions since last time I posted, I am sure they are useful not only for myself but also for anyone else checking this topic trying to understand Libras a little bit better.
So, it seems like TaurusNikki, libragirl37 and Dafna79 are closer to the truth.

Like I've said before I had to contact the Libra girl for professional reasons but I never did it personally until here and I didn't change that, what I did instead was to ask a girl friend of hers who also works for me to do that; this particular friend was in the picture with me in the water park I mentioned. So after contacting the Libra the girl her friend came and have a conversation with me where she jokingly started to say that she believed that the Libra girl had a crush on me because she was initially very harsh with her on the phone when she picked up, like if she was mad at her or something but then it fade away as the conversation flowed.

I took the opportunity to try and get some more inside info and told her also jokingly that it was unlikely that the Libra girl had that crush on me since she happened to refuse an invitation to go with me that day (because she believed she would be too tired one week before); her friend told me that was actually very true and she knew for a fact that the Libra girl had been working 12 hours a day that week, was out of town a couple of days and only had that one day to rest and it would continue to be like that for the following 3 weeks, she didn't even had the time or energy to go out with the girls as they usually did. She also told me that the Libra girl confessed she was feeling very stressed because of the working hours and felt like punching everything she saw lately...

I did not get much more information and didn't gave away any myself and the conversation soon focused on business only.

So, in light of these new events what do you all think, should I stick to the prior plan or did anything changed?

*headdesk*

It's OK rockyroadicecream, I understood your opinion and I also understood the others, no need to hurt yourself 😉

No nothing has changed, what's the other option continue to chase her like crazy and keep getting excuse after excuse—
Next time play it cool, she'll probably hear every detail of that conversation from her friend btw, bad move...

Hello again Dafna79! I didn't really say anything besides using a Tongue-in-cheek expression to say I had invited her so maybe she was wrong about the crush on me thing, nothing more than that; the rest was all her friend talking and me listening. It seemed like her friend was trying to play the cupid at some point, idk...I'm doing what you said though.

Oh, and of course I wasn't asking if I should chase her at this point, according to her friend (and herself last time we spoke)she isn't even free until 3 weeks from now; I was just asking indirectly and because you all said I shouldn't act mad (which I'm not) and play it cool if in the course of this time I should be completely in silence because before this we would casually exchange messages every week (I would initiate contact 2/3 of the time) and I suddenly stopped. According to you Dafna79 it seems clear what I should do.

Do you see what you're doing here? You're not chasing her, so you're having her friend do it for you. Essentially, you're still chasing her.

Are you sure you don't have a vagina?? You sound like you're a teenage girl, asking her friends for inside info. You went from actively chasing to passively chasing.

Seriously, nobody here was joking when they said STOP. Just go do you. If she truly was crushing or has any interest, she'll be back around.

But the overall response you got points to no, she's not interested. Again, if she is, it'll be made known eventually.

I know it's hard not to be curious about this stuff when you like someone, but you gotta start working toward backing off.

Hehe,rockyroadicecream, relax; I sincerely thank for your opinion and maybe it's my fault and I should've tried to explain things better but there is no need to extrapolate or distort based on things I didn't really wrote or did in the first place just to reinforce your point of view, I got your message long ago.

I doubt it. You've already proven a few times that you really aren't listening to anyone here.

Do as you wish, but quit wasting people's time.

I hope this "sunny" disposition of yours isn't permanent and you are just having a bad day(s)... Cheer up rockyroadicecream!

I know that when we come on the Internet or ask someone else's opinion on forums every now and then we get someone in a bad mood trying to make everyone else feel the same way but thank you just the same, honestly. Just try to be a little bit more constructive like everyone else, that is the reason why I valued their opinion the most, don't take it personal; after all I am the Leo here and I am supposed to be the one doing that 😉

I would play it cool if I were you Lysander. I'm inclined to say that this girl may be interested in you but maybe your professional relationship or her wanting to see if you are seriously into her is making act the way you described but that's just MHO. Maybe she's into you, maybe she isn't, it's hard to say at this point and her friend's angle isn't quite clear so I would wait to see how things pan out in the next couple of weeks and just do your thing meanwhile.

Great, we are back on topic!

Nice to meet you Grey, thank you for your advice. I confess I am not completely sure what you are trying to say but being a Tennis fan myself my first thought was you were telling me to play two-handed backhand and rely on my legs to convert defense into attack but I have the feeling you had something else in mind...

Hello, LibrDude89, nice to meet you as well and thank you for your opinion; I agree I should play it cool, if she likes me she will let me know somehow soon enough; I just didn't want to act (even if by omission) in any way that would make me look mad at her so that's why everyone's opinion matter.

Posted by LibrDude89
I would play it cool if I were you Lysander. I'm inclined to say that this girl may be interested in you but maybe your professional relationship or her wanting to see if you are seriously into her is making act the way you described but that's just MHO. Maybe she's into you, maybe she isn't, it's hard to say at this point and her friend's angle isn't quite clear so I would wait to see how things pan out in the next couple of weeks and just do your thing meanwhile.

Care to explain why you and this dude have the same IP?

Are you seriously trying to create other screen names to chime in on your own advice thread?? :/

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by LibrDude89
I would play it cool if I were you Lysander. I'm inclined to say that this girl may be interested in you but maybe your professional relationship or her wanting to see if you are seriously into her is making act the way you described but that's just MHO. Maybe she's into you, maybe she isn't, it's hard to say at this point and her friend's angle isn't quite clear so I would wait to see how things pan out in the next couple of weeks and just do your thing meanwhile.

Care to explain why you and this dude have the same IP?

Are you seriously trying to create other screen names to chime in on your own advice thread?? :/

click to expand

Jesus Christ, rockyroadicecream... seriously?! Do you realize how many millions of people would be sharing my IP yesterday; ever heard of mobile networks and mobile phones?! If you were half as smart as you clearly believe you are you would have considered even proxys before embarassing yourself...

Listen... If you want to contribute with anything constructive to this topic, please do so, if instead you continue to feel the need to behave like you have been doing, be rude and stalk people who post here please, oh please, get a grip of yourself and go wast your time somewhere else because this is becoming just sad; I'm here to talk in a friendly way with sane and polite people and share opinions, not deal with individuals with issues to take care of...

Hey, cunninglinguist, maybe so, not in this topic though e guess, here we only have one person who is mad at the world for some reason and is checking IP's, pretending to be clever and embarrassing themselves along the way...


Hello Sugarfoot, thank you so much for your opinion; i've read it very carefully. Yes, agree with you, that could be it. As I wrote on my first post I did understood her reasons but being the second time she was refusing a date outside work I didn't say anything else because I wasn't sure if she was blowing me off so I just kept quiet and polite until the end. That's actually why a week later I sent her that casual text and we "talked" a little bit; I even told her to try and rest when she was telling me how busy and tired she was still and how it would be so until the end of July. If you are right I just hope I haven't messed things up beyond repair...

I do like to be chased and be the chaser but after the honeymoon/novelty period wears off,I find myself trying a little hard—

Hi again cunninglinguist! Hello topgunphantom and topgunphantom, nice to "meet" you as well, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I don't know her moon sign; she clearly isn't the easiest Libra to read i gues and anyone on this topic may be right; just yesterday she sent me a text message out of the blue asking me how I was from an injury I had told her about last time we talked almost 2 weeks ago, I answered back and asked how she was doing herself and she told me she was completely drowned in her work schedule and going insane because of it but had to deal with it because it will be like this for a couple of weeks more, I replied, she replied again and said she was going to sleep and sent goodnight kisses, I wished her a goodnight and sent kisses as well (we don't exchange messages in English, btw)... So that's it, at this point I'm am only waiting to see what happens and I am just going to play it cool like almost everyone suggested.


...

Now... as for rockyroadicecream... I am not going to pretend you still amuse me; I was once amused, then I was just perplexed and now I just feel sorry for you and your answer which was basically "I am am embarrassing myself?! No, you are! I Have issues?! No, you have! I am stalking? No, you are!", all of this while lying and distorting everything along the way trying to grasp for some reasoning, presenting sorry excuses for obnoxious behavior and using every possible cliche in the book...

You think I was trying to growl at you? I was actually trying to be as nice and polite to you as possible despite your behavior and only because we never know if the person writing on the other side is just having a bad day, is facing problems in life or needs help of some sort and you didn't seemed balanced at all. You think I am on a pedestal talking to you but you are wrong because not me nor anyone else who wrote on this topic and whose opinions I value need a pedestal to talk down to people who behave like you.

I am sorry if a Libra girl did anything wrong to you or if you are in a bad place now or always were but, like I said, I am not amused any more by you and I actually have zero respect for people who behave like you've been doing so I'm just going to ignore you from now on. Have a good life...

I honestly respect your judgement everevolvingepithet but we all have stressed moments and I believe that many times the way we behave during those moments shows who we really are; I just lost my patience to deal with that person and I am not going to fake it, that's all.


PS: I meant to say hello to Loveorlust on my previous post but copy/pasted topgunphantom twice.

Sorry man, but this chick is looking for attention and that's about it. The texts were about sending out a feeler to see if you were still interested and I don't suspect much more. She already shut you down from asking her out by saying she'd still be busy the next couple of weeks. No one knows their schedule that well, they just don't. In regards to not wanting to spend her day off at a water park, if I'm interested and there's a chance to spend the day with a person I take it regardless of what it is. If I liked a girl and she was like "hey, I'm going to the DMV we'll be stuck there for hours" I'd say yes.

You seem easy going enough, she didn't even offer an alternative to what you suggested. That's something someone does when they are interested, but don't like the idea. Let's face facts, if she's this hard to lock down and you haven't been to any event together how will it ever work in a relationship? As I said previously, if I like someone I move mountains, if not I'll give you polite reasons why I can't come. If you press you'll get an honest answer at some point, but if you accept my excuses I figure you don't want to know.