A serious problem (school, depression, etc.)

This is about combining school and finding myself.

This may be a bit complicated, poorly written and unclear. But I hope somebody has been through this or knows how to help me out with this.

So, I'm a 17 year old guy and over the years things have become more and more complicated. (Puberty.) And I'm aware of my emotional instability, so save your complaints.. 😉
I go to school, but last year I fell into a deep depression leading me to have to repeat the same year.

During the summer break I've decided to not make the same mistake again, after some work I became stronger mentally.
Full of belief in myself I started this year. And now it went well for a week but after that I fucked up again and started getting behind on my responsibilites.

And the problem is: I am too sensitive. It feels like my energy is just sucked out of me at school, and when I come home I'm tired as fuck, with a very 'lost' feeling.
I might be behaving like the stereotypical Pisces here, but it feels like I go with the flow without my consciousness in the present moment. And at the same time my positive energy is sucked out of me and I get negative energy in return.

I've tried 'just doing it', going to school and doing what I have to do without thinking about it, but that just leaves me completely confused without a sense of what I'm doing. And over time I developed some skills to analyze and solve these things.. But school just doesn't leave space for that, leaving me hopeless.

This is the last year to prove myself, if I fail this year I have no chance left. And I REALLY want to get my degree.. But I just feel like it's putting my inner development on hold .
I've been on the highest level of school in my country, but all of this lead me to dropping 2 levels and failing last year.. I wish I was simple, normal like everyone else.

Now I'm stuck in life, I need to solve that, but at the same time I have to behave like a robot and be focused on something else that I can't be focused on all time. While I feel like there's a need to fix myself first, like there's a deep rooted problem that is the base all of this..
When I take the time, meditation and reading about self development works, but I just can't seem to combine it with school. The more time I put into school, the more I feel like losing my consciousness. I feel like I'm being dragged, drained.

I've been on the highest school level in my country, but all of this extreme sensitivity, not a lack of intelligence (140 iQ..), lead me to drop 2 levels and failing last year.. I wish I was simple, normal like everyone else. Therapy doesn't help either.

I'm exercising, eating healthy, trying to have fun, but I still feel depressed with a lack of feelings. I just can't seem to keep track of it all. I'm starting to lose my (many) friends at school because I can't even smile anymore, I'm slowly becoming the scary loner that doesn't talk. School seems to be sucking the life out of me.

What should

So what should I do?

I'm in an weird situation, the more energy I put into school, the more depressed I seem to get. It's like it's the last thing I need in my life right now, while it's the only time to get my degree.

I don't really believe in this but it describes the problem pretty well:

Posted by antithesis
You need to find yourself, kid.

That's the point

I'm trying to find ways to make myself stable enough to handle this, but school is just depressing / dumbing me down. Taking away the space to find myself. And I know school's not the blame, I have to find a way indeed.

The only thing I can say is: do not force yourself to be anything.

Find what you love in your school and circle around it.

Is it music? is it math? is it a girl? is it the library? is it a small gap between two buildings where you can hide? is it a teacher? is it new media projects? is it football? is it an underdog from abroad? is it the school roof? is it the perspective out of the window? go find it.

Circle around love and you get everything.

Posted by risesafterall
[...]

I was a super sensitive child too. With little discipline.

Fortunately enough there was no Astrology to tell me you'll be this way forever. I found out about my strength through experience and observation. A very good mother (Aries-Taurus-Cancer) was of good help too.

"Owing to procrastination, nice opportunities are missed".

You'll learn in life that every coin has two sides. Even procrastination can bring advantage. Come here and write about one withing four weeks. I'm sure there will be at least one case to see if you have the eyes for it.

Posted by risesafterall

And I'm aware of my emotional instability, so save your complaints..

I only made this far reading, and stopped to think ...... what a bizarre thing to say, considering we wouldn't know about your emotional instability unless you were complaining about them to us.

Are you one of those people who blames others because you can't handle yourself? Because, really, how could we possibly complain about something that you haven't been bitching about. Unless, maybe you have been complaining about the bad choices you made for yourself, and I've just never read it before.



Or maybe you say that ahead of time as a warning ... just before you start complaining about how emotional unstable you are.

Therapy doesn't help anyone, least of all a Pisces ..... since, all can see, if they didn't know already, Pisces are self victims.

In this case, a victim of life.


This will pass. This is a part of growing up for a Fish. What people don't realize is that Pisces literally have a dual consciousness .... you will master living in both simultaneously, don't worry. Just hunker down for now and just get by to keep your sanity ... you can pick school back up once you've figured out how to switch on/off at will.

Posted by Curiousram

Do not make the same mistakes i made

This is a very important moment for you in life you may not think so but it is.

People say the stupidest shit sometimes.

It's like they'll say shit like, "yeah, yeah, I know perspective is reality" .. and then utter this stupid bullshit.


This guy, or any guy or girl ..... it's impossible for a person to experience the same mistake as you.



lol

brothertrucker, i have yet to see a thread where you don't complain about your life

but seriously, when I went through puberty, I was depressed as fuck, you have no idea. I don't know if it's a pisces thing and I don't care.
I woud get into black depression over simple things like for example the end of school and springbreakthe thought of losing my friends would plunge me into an abyss of despair, even though I didn't really like them that much and I knew I'd see them the next year anyway.

I realized part of me liked the blackness and I had some things to learn from it. I think it's a process where you need to go to the bottom of the pool before you can start going up again. Plunge yourself into these feelings and see what you have to learn from them.

But back in this time, the internet didn't exist and I didn't know enough astrology to blame all my problems on it. This is the dumbest thing you can do, if you blame your problems on the stars it's a good excuse to not try to solve them, you might as well just kill yourself right now.

Even if astrology exists, it doesn't annihilate free will and the quest to be an upstanding adult, so pls stop with all this astrology bullshit, and don't listen to all the people here. Look into your own problems

Posted by starlover

Posted by antithesis

Posted by starlover

Posted by antithesis

Posted by risesafterall

Posted by antithesis
You need to find yourself, kid.

That's the point

Good, we're on the same page. So you should go looking for yourself.

With guidance helps too.....at 17 it is good to have some kind of support network, someone you can talk to when these feelings arise

I was told by a teen counsellor that nobody wants the job and yet at that age, we need help moreso that other times in our lives...the transition between teenager and adult can be tough

Starlover, no one can tell him where to find himself because no one knows where he is.

I dont agree. My soon to be 17yr old says if he didnt say things out loud he would get sick......that is why kids get into trouble sometimes because they don't know where to go with the feelings. They need to be heard and understood

click to expand

I agree with starlover. It works wonder for some teenies. For some.

Maybe a matter of chemistry? astrological compatibility? the same experiences? missing father role? etc pi pa po?

School sucks. The good thing is, it will not last forever. You have to bite the bullet and look further into your future. And this is coming from someone who's been 20 years in education. Nowadays I get to mark exam questions and adhere strictly to a plan. I'm looking for the essential points related to each subject. They all need to be mentioned shortly yet correctly. The rest is just blah, blah.

I used to feel like you described. That was because I was trying to read and learn everything, from the beginning to the end. I didn't use any method. I didn't understand what teachers were actually marking.

So if it is too overwhelming, change the way you learn and answer questions. Write down the essential points, understand them and memorise them. Do not get lost into details. If you are curious about details, read them once or make them up later. Some are really obvious.

No, you don't need to find yourself at 17.

You just need to keep your head above the water, while learning how to swim.

You have all your life to "find yourself" afterwards.

Posted by Undine
No, you don't need to find yourself at 17.

You just need to keep your head above the water, while learning how to swim.

You have all your life to "find yourself" afterwards.

I agree.

Besides what is "self" when it's always changing? It's enough when he knows just for a while what he loves or hates. what are his dreams or aspiration. Episode for episode.

"This is more imperative for pisces than other signs."

You think you've understood me.

That self is a changing thing is even considered by law and punishment. With application of Astrology or Sun sign.

*without applying*

Just had a look at your chart, Rise.

Saturn was in your 12 house and this may have caused the trouble with putting your life on hold to "find yourself." I've experienced this as well, my rising is a few degrees after yours. I'm three decades older than you, though. Did I find myself? Yes and no. I just found some unexpected aspects of myself I could live happily without, lol.

With Saturn in your first house, the things will not get merrier, but simpler and clearer. You will feel more grounded and able to put the right effort into what you are doing. You will feel a sense of purpose too.

Have patience and trust, it will get better!

1. you do a lot of work for bringing back your idea of Pisces into this. While even Capricorn wrote school sucks.

2. Astrology says Pisces is a chameleon. That makes it even harder to find the "self".