The Lady Scorpio
@TheLadyScorpio
12 Years10,000+ Posts
Comments: 1412 · Posts: 11166 · Topics: 154
Accepting Love
you're not alone.
I'm trying to break through it by forcing myself to trust my current SO.
well, I'm not a fool enough to just blindly choose partner. I would avoid cheaters like Geminis, and go to the most loyal like Tauruses. Just train myself to trust her.
More than that, do you know what causes it? at least in you?
I'm trying to break through it by forcing myself to trust my current SO.
well, I'm not a fool enough to just blindly choose partner. I would avoid cheaters like Geminis, and go to the most loyal like Tauruses. Just train myself to trust her.
More than that, do you know what causes it? at least in you?
Why don’t I understand a one word what you people are saying?
I am dealing with only those I love...
And I am not settling for ‘good person with flows...so let’s consider just because’...
Not too long ago I’ve told a person that if I say that I love you - it’s because I am! It doesn’t mean forever after in sickness and health! I love you for the qualities you posses that I admire and there are many and that’s why I love you!
Don’t think about it like a marriage proposal! It’s not! And it might never will be - and it doesn’t have to be. But I will always remember you as a person I loved.
So...hell had not froze over just because I made someone feels loved! And I don’t need this to be said back to me. That’s not why I said it.
People make easy things so complicated for no apparent frigging reason!
Hard to accept love? Loosen up your ass!
Live a little!
I am dealing with only those I love...
And I am not settling for ‘good person with flows...so let’s consider just because’...
Not too long ago I’ve told a person that if I say that I love you - it’s because I am! It doesn’t mean forever after in sickness and health! I love you for the qualities you posses that I admire and there are many and that’s why I love you!
Don’t think about it like a marriage proposal! It’s not! And it might never will be - and it doesn’t have to be. But I will always remember you as a person I loved.
So...hell had not froze over just because I made someone feels loved! And I don’t need this to be said back to me. That’s not why I said it.
People make easy things so complicated for no apparent frigging reason!
Hard to accept love? Loosen up your ass!
Live a little!
It was the blunt truth of her words, that chokes me up.
Had a big problem in my late teens early twenties. Working on my self worked. Lots of self help books and understanding why I was feeling like that.
Still having problems trusting people but I don’t think it’s a problem for me anymore.
I always look for something lovable in every one especially what other people will think is there flaws. I think makes people more interesting. And I am sure I am not the only one that feels this way.
Still having problems trusting people but I don’t think it’s a problem for me anymore.
I always look for something lovable in every one especially what other people will think is there flaws. I think makes people more interesting. And I am sure I am not the only one that feels this way.
Posted by AneemA04What I meant @AneemA04, was potential happiness regarding relationships and love. Of course, there are different layers to happiness. There is happiness that is found within, happiness found in succeeding in ones career, or happiness found in ones love of / for others. I believe all those various forms of happiness, each only make up parts of a greater whole.
Fear could be one reason to make us difficult to receive love. Blockages that we created due to experiencing bad situations can also be the case.
But, please define your own happiness. I don't get the use of the word "potential" before happiness. It is as if happiness comes from outside whereas I believe it is all up to us to find happiness within ourselves.
What is your situation that made your friend commented that way, btw?
We were discussing our past relationship experiences, wondering if they only failed not because of the other but because of our own doing. Talking about our mistakes, or potential mistakes, what we regretted, and what we would have changed, if we could etc. I never realised, part of why so many of my former connections with others failed was because I could not accept when someone wants to love me. Even when someone blatantly shows their love for me, and it did not matter how or what they did, I would push them away.
A defence mechanism, fear, inability to accept something good, etc. ?
I am not sure, but it is definitely instinctual.
The first thought that comes to my mind - 'Why' are they doing this ... what do they really want ?
Posted by SeleukosWhat do you mean by 'conflict and solution' ?
Still haven't figured that out for me but I think I need a certain amount of conflict and it's solution before I can trust another person.
I have a deep distrust for things that are too easy.
@Seleukos, could you clarify that, or provide an example.
Though easy things, may be simply because they are, for no other malicious reason.
Why would it immediately arise distrust in you ?
Posted by DeadInsideWould death resolve the issue ? 😆
im already dead
Posted by TheLadyScorpioPosted by AneemA04What I meant @AneemA04, was potential happiness regarding relationships and love. Of course, there are different layers to happiness. There is happiness that is found within, happiness found in succeeding in ones career, or happiness found in ones love of / for others. I believe all those various forms of happiness, each only make up parts of a greater whole.
Fear could be one reason to make us difficult to receive love. Blockages that we created due to experiencing bad situations can also be the case.
But, please define your own happiness. I don't get the use of the word "potential" before happiness. It is as if happiness comes from outside whereas I believe it is all up to us to find happiness within ourselves.
What is your situation that made your friend commented that way, btw?
We were discussing our past relationship experiences, wondering if they only failed not because of the other but because of our own doing. Talking about our mistakes, or potential mistakes, what we regretted, and what we would have changed, if we could etc. I never realised, part of why so many of my former connections with others failed was because I could not accept when someone wants to love me. Even when someone blatantly shows their love for me, and it did not matter how or what they did, I would push them away.
A defence mechanism, fear, inability to accept something good, etc. ?
I am not sure, but it is definitely instinctual.
The first thought that comes to my mind - 'Why' are they doing this ... what do they really want ?
click to expand
My sister is guilty of this. In her mind she wants to test their love so she pushes them away/creates conflict just to see how much they really love her.
Scorp Rising
Posted by LadyNeptuneHmm @LadyNeptune, I do not push proactively. More so, I shut down and go cold when the other wants something of me. Less so to create conflict, more so, to run away as it threatens my sense of security. When someone expresses love for me, it triggers vulnerability in me. That, creates all kinds of anxiety within.Posted by TheLadyScorpioPosted by AneemA04What I meant @AneemA04, was potential happiness regarding relationships and love. Of course, there are different layers to happiness. There is happiness that is found within, happiness found in succeeding in ones career, or happiness found in ones love of / for others. I believe all those various forms of happiness, each only make up parts of a greater whole.
Fear could be one reason to make us difficult to receive love. Blockages that we created due to experiencing bad situations can also be the case.
But, please define your own happiness. I don't get the use of the word "potential" before happiness. It is as if happiness comes from outside whereas I believe it is all up to us to find happiness within ourselves.
What is your situation that made your friend commented that way, btw?
We were discussing our past relationship experiences, wondering if they only failed not because of the other but because of our own doing. Talking about our mistakes, or potential mistakes, what we regretted, and what we would have changed, if we could etc. I never realised, part of why so many of my former connections with others failed was because I could not accept when someone wants to love me. Even when someone blatantly shows their love for me, and it did not matter how or what they did, I would push them away.
A defence mechanism, fear, inability to accept something good, etc. ?
I am not sure, but it is definitely instinctual.
The first thought that comes to my mind - 'Why' are they doing this ... what do they really want ?
My sister is guilty of this. In her mind she wants to test their love so she pushes them away/creates conflict just to see how much they really love her.
Scorp Rising
click to expand
Posted by SeleukosTherefore in your mind, anything before the first major argument would be meaningless ?Posted by TheLadyScorpioLove has always been a battlefield to me.Posted by SeleukosWhat do you mean by 'conflict and solution' ?
Still haven't figured that out for me but I think I need a certain amount of conflict and it's solution before I can trust another person.
I have a deep distrust for things that are too easy.
@Seleukos, could you clarify that, or provide an example.
Though easy things, may be simply because they are, for no other malicious reason.
Why would it immediately arise distrust in you ?
The other person needs to fight for the love as hard as I do.
It isn't love if it doesn't hurt.
When I can have conflicts with the other persons and solve those tgother with her/him I gain a bit of trust each time.
I don't trust people who do not fight for what they want.
Example:
She is pissed about something I did and confronts me about it while being relentless.
I can work with that, therefore trust her more.
Anger is honest.click to expand
Anger is also volatile, violent and full of drama.
Posted by DeadInsideWould the inscription on my gravestone be - Killed by Love ? 😆Posted by TheLadyScorpioyes you wont be scared about anything. everything life gave you or take you worth nothing since you passed a long agoPosted by DeadInsideWould death resolve the issue ? 😆
im already dead
lclick to expand
Posted by DeadInsideThat would be far too mundane. To continue with life it shall be then. 😆Posted by TheLadyScorpioPosted by DeadInsideWould the inscription on my gravestone be - Killed by Love ? 😆Posted by TheLadyScorpioyes you wont be scared about anything. everything life gave you or take you worth nothing since you passed a long agoPosted by DeadInsideWould death resolve the issue ? 😆
im already dead
l
by life
click to expand
Just LOL at this "i need the turmoil so i know it's real". It's a copout to treat people like shit because the person is lacking in courage.
Posted by Mr_PinchyAn inability to accept love does not always automatically equate to purposely inflicted conflict. Certainly, some do, others just turn cold, and shut down, like I do.
Just LOL at this "i need the turmoil so i know it's real". It's a copout to treat people like shit because the person is lacking in courage.
How judgemental of you.
Posted by TheLadyScorpioYou turn cold and shut down because of your debilitating fear of how will this guy fuck me up now, like the last guy did.
An inability to accept love does not always automatically equate to purposely inflicted conflict. Certainly, some do, others just turn cold, and shut down, like I do.
How judgemental of you.
It is a weak outlook on the world at hand.
Posted by Seleukos#SaturnProblems
I have a deep distrust for things that are too easy.
Posted by SeleukosI can differentiate between anger and hurt. Love isn't supposed to hurt. It cuts too deep when it hurts me.Posted by TheLadyScorpioLove has always been a battlefield to me.Posted by SeleukosWhat do you mean by 'conflict and solution' ?
Still haven't figured that out for me but I think I need a certain amount of conflict and it's solution before I can trust another person.
I have a deep distrust for things that are too easy.
@Seleukos, could you clarify that, or provide an example.
Though easy things, may be simply because they are, for no other malicious reason.
Why would it immediately arise distrust in you ?
The other person needs to fight for the love as hard as I do.
It isn't love if it doesn't hurt.
When I can have conflicts with the other persons and solve those tgother with her/him I gain a bit of trust each time.
I don't trust people who do not fight for what they want.
Example:
She is pissed about something I did and confronts me about it while being relentless.
I can work with that, therefore trust her more.
Anger is honest.click to expand
Anger like your example I can definitely do. I know that he isnt going anywhere just like me and I can say what's on my mind and he and I can work through it, forgive, and move on. This has no worries at all. I know everything is still solid. But when someone purposely tries to hurt me, I am not able to trust him. 😕
Posted by SeleukosThis makes sense. I take a lot of things literally, so I can actually picture you sitting in the basement better than I can picture arguing and accidentally hurting someone. 😂😜Posted by saggurl88Well, it's not like I'm sitting in my basement, practicing my evil laugh while planning to hurt her.Posted by SeleukosI can differentiate between anger and hurt. Love isn't supposed to hurt. It cuts too deep when it hurts me.Posted by TheLadyScorpioLove has always been a battlefield to me.Posted by SeleukosWhat do you mean by 'conflict and solution' ?
Still haven't figured that out for me but I think I need a certain amount of conflict and it's solution before I can trust another person.
I have a deep distrust for things that are too easy.
@Seleukos, could you clarify that, or provide an example.
Though easy things, may be simply because they are, for no other malicious reason.
Why would it immediately arise distrust in you ?
The other person needs to fight for the love as hard as I do.
It isn't love if it doesn't hurt.
When I can have conflicts with the other persons and solve those tgother with her/him I gain a bit of trust each time.
I don't trust people who do not fight for what they want.
Example:
She is pissed about something I did and confronts me about it while being relentless.
I can work with that, therefore trust her more.
Anger is honest.
Anger like your example I can definitely do. I know that he isnt going anywhere just like me and I can say what's on my mind and he and I can work through it, forgive, and move on. This has no worries at all. I know everything is still solid. But when someone purposely tries to hurt me, I am not able to trust him. 😕
It's just than at least one fight is going to happen sooner that later and it should be an useful fight in the end.click to expand
On a side note- How often do you actually practice your evil laugh?? 😄
Posted by SeleukosWouldn’t that happen in any relationship?Posted by saggurl88Well, it's not like I'm sitting in my basement, practicing my evil laugh while planning to hurt her.Posted by SeleukosI can differentiate between anger and hurt. Love isn't supposed to hurt. It cuts too deep when it hurts me.Posted by TheLadyScorpioLove has always been a battlefield to me.Posted by SeleukosWhat do you mean by 'conflict and solution' ?
Still haven't figured that out for me but I think I need a certain amount of conflict and it's solution before I can trust another person.
I have a deep distrust for things that are too easy.
@Seleukos, could you clarify that, or provide an example.
Though easy things, may be simply because they are, for no other malicious reason.
Why would it immediately arise distrust in you ?
The other person needs to fight for the love as hard as I do.
It isn't love if it doesn't hurt.
When I can have conflicts with the other persons and solve those tgother with her/him I gain a bit of trust each time.
I don't trust people who do not fight for what they want.
Example:
She is pissed about something I did and confronts me about it while being relentless.
I can work with that, therefore trust her more.
Anger is honest.
Anger like your example I can definitely do. I know that he isnt going anywhere just like me and I can say what's on my mind and he and I can work through it, forgive, and move on. This has no worries at all. I know everything is still solid. But when someone purposely tries to hurt me, I am not able to trust him. 😕
It's just than at least one fight is going to happen sooner that later and it should be an useful fight in the end.click to expand
You say what you don’t like. You argue. Put boundaries. Learn from it. Get stronger.
Posted by SeleukosPosted by pisceswoman123That's what you would think but reality looks very different.Posted by SeleukosWouldn’t that happen in any relationship?Posted by saggurl88Well, it's not like I'm sitting in my basement, practicing my evil laugh while planning to hurt her.Posted by SeleukosI can differentiate between anger and hurt. Love isn't supposed to hurt. It cuts too deep when it hurts me.Posted by TheLadyScorpioLove has always been a battlefield to me.Posted by SeleukosWhat do you mean by 'conflict and solution' ?
Still haven't figured that out for me but I think I need a certain amount of conflict and it's solution before I can trust another person.
I have a deep distrust for things that are too easy.
@Seleukos, could you clarify that, or provide an example.
Though easy things, may be simply because they are, for no other malicious reason.
Why would it immediately arise distrust in you ?
The other person needs to fight for the love as hard as I do.
It isn't love if it doesn't hurt.
When I can have conflicts with the other persons and solve those tgother with her/him I gain a bit of trust each time.
I don't trust people who do not fight for what they want.
Example:
She is pissed about something I did and confronts me about it while being relentless.
I can work with that, therefore trust her more.
Anger is honest.
Anger like your example I can definitely do. I know that he isnt going anywhere just like me and I can say what's on my mind and he and I can work through it, forgive, and move on. This has no worries at all. I know everything is still solid. But when someone purposely tries to hurt me, I am not able to trust him. 😕
It's just than at least one fight is going to happen sooner that later and it should be an useful fight in the end.
You say what you don’t like. You argue. Put boundaries. Learn from it. Get stronger.
Most couples don't have fights anymore because many people think it's going to be the end of their relationship.click to expand
Really?
I tell if I am not happy.
That is the only way to grow a relationship in my book.
I am definitely not scared of fighting. That is my way of putting everything out. If they don’t measure up to it I wouldn’t want to be with them anyway.
Just after a fight when you resolve issues, it’s the most intense intimate moment. When you know that you both are in the same page or willing to compromise.
Posted by Seleukos😄Posted by pisceswoman123I agree wholeheartedly but you know...Posted by SeleukosPosted by pisceswoman123That's what you would think but reality looks very different.Posted by SeleukosWouldn’t that happen in any relationship?Posted by saggurl88Well, it's not like I'm sitting in my basement, practicing my evil laugh while planning to hurt her.Posted by SeleukosI can differentiate between anger and hurt. Love isn't supposed to hurt. It cuts too deep when it hurts me.Posted by TheLadyScorpioLove has always been a battlefield to me.Posted by SeleukosWhat do you mean by 'conflict and solution' ?
Still haven't figured that out for me but I think I need a certain amount of conflict and it's solution before I can trust another person.
I have a deep distrust for things that are too easy.
@Seleukos, could you clarify that, or provide an example.
Though easy things, may be simply because they are, for no other malicious reason.
Why would it immediately arise distrust in you ?
The other person needs to fight for the love as hard as I do.
It isn't love if it doesn't hurt.
When I can have conflicts with the other persons and solve those tgother with her/him I gain a bit of trust each time.
I don't trust people who do not fight for what they want.
Example:
She is pissed about something I did and confronts me about it while being relentless.
I can work with that, therefore trust her more.
Anger is honest.
Anger like your example I can definitely do. I know that he isnt going anywhere just like me and I can say what's on my mind and he and I can work through it, forgive, and move on. This has no worries at all. I know everything is still solid. But when someone purposely tries to hurt me, I am not able to trust him. 😕
It's just than at least one fight is going to happen sooner that later and it should be an useful fight in the end.
You say what you don’t like. You argue. Put boundaries. Learn from it. Get stronger.
Most couples don't have fights anymore because many people think it's going to be the end of their relationship.
Really?
I tell if I am not happy.
That is the only way to grow a relationship in my book.
I am definitely not scared of fighting. That is my way of putting everything out. If they don’t measure up to it I wouldn’t want to be with them anyway.
Just after a fight when you resolve issues, it’s the most intense intimate moment. When you know that you both are in the same page or willing to compromise.
click to expand
I never thought about it. I have never being in a relationship without arguments. I really need it if I feel things are not right. I wouldn’t be able to just keep it in or pretend.
What people are you talking about? How do you know?
Posted by Seleukos😄 first time someone said that I should be proud about arguing 😄Posted by pisceswoman123It's you Aries thingy.Posted by Seleukos😄Posted by pisceswoman123I agree wholeheartedly but you know...Posted by SeleukosPosted by pisceswoman123That's what you would think but reality looks very different.Posted by SeleukosWouldn’t that happen in any relationship?Posted by saggurl88Well, it's not like I'm sitting in my basement, practicing my evil laugh while planning to hurt her.Posted by SeleukosI can differentiate between anger and hurt. Love isn't supposed to hurt. It cuts too deep when it hurts me.Posted by TheLadyScorpioLove has always been a battlefield to me.Posted by SeleukosWhat do you mean by 'conflict and solution' ?
Still haven't figured that out for me but I think I need a certain amount of conflict and it's solution before I can trust another person.
I have a deep distrust for things that are too easy.
@Seleukos, could you clarify that, or provide an example.
Though easy things, may be simply because they are, for no other malicious reason.
Why would it immediately arise distrust in you ?
The other person needs to fight for the love as hard as I do.
It isn't love if it doesn't hurt.
When I can have conflicts with the other persons and solve those tgother with her/him I gain a bit of trust each time.
I don't trust people who do not fight for what they want.
Example:
She is pissed about something I did and confronts me about it while being relentless.
I can work with that, therefore trust her more.
Anger is honest.
Anger like your example I can definitely do. I know that he isnt going anywhere just like me and I can say what's on my mind and he and I can work through it, forgive, and move on. This has no worries at all. I know everything is still solid. But when someone purposely tries to hurt me, I am not able to trust him. 😕
It's just than at least one fight is going to happen sooner that later and it should be an useful fight in the end.
You say what you don’t like. You argue. Put boundaries. Learn from it. Get stronger.
Most couples don't have fights anymore because many people think it's going to be the end of their relationship.
Really?
I tell if I am not happy.
That is the only way to grow a relationship in my book.
I am definitely not scared of fighting. That is my way of putting everything out. If they don’t measure up to it I wouldn’t want to be with them anyway.
Just after a fight when you resolve issues, it’s the most intense intimate moment. When you know that you both are in the same page or willing to compromise.
I never thought about it. I have never being in a relationship without arguments. I really need it if I feel things are not right. I wouldn’t be able to just keep it in or pretend.
What people are you talking about? How do you know?
Be proud of that.click to expand
Yes, it’s must be. I couldn’t have it any other way.
Have you had that problem?
Posted by SeleukosBoth.Posted by pisceswoman123Of being too "aggressive"?Posted by Seleukos😄 first time someone said that I should be proud about arguing 😄Posted by pisceswoman123It's you Aries thingy.Posted by Seleukos😄Posted by pisceswoman123I agree wholeheartedly but you know...Posted by SeleukosPosted by pisceswoman123That's what you would think but reality looks very different.Posted by SeleukosWouldn’t that happen in any relationship?Posted by saggurl88Well, it's not like I'm sitting in my basement, practicing my evil laugh while planning to hurt her.Posted by SeleukosI can differentiate between anger and hurt. Love isn't supposed to hurt. It cuts too deep when it hurts me.Posted by TheLadyScorpioLove has always been a battlefield to me.Posted by SeleukosWhat do you mean by 'conflict and solution' ?
Still haven't figured that out for me but I think I need a certain amount of conflict and it's solution before I can trust another person.
I have a deep distrust for things that are too easy.
@Seleukos, could you clarify that, or provide an example.
Though easy things, may be simply because they are, for no other malicious reason.
Why would it immediately arise distrust in you ?
The other person needs to fight for the love as hard as I do.
It isn't love if it doesn't hurt.
When I can have conflicts with the other persons and solve those tgother with her/him I gain a bit of trust each time.
I don't trust people who do not fight for what they want.
Example:
She is pissed about something I did and confronts me about it while being relentless.
I can work with that, therefore trust her more.
Anger is honest.
Anger like your example I can definitely do. I know that he isnt going anywhere just like me and I can say what's on my mind and he and I can work through it, forgive, and move on. This has no worries at all. I know everything is still solid. But when someone purposely tries to hurt me, I am not able to trust him. 😕
It's just than at least one fight is going to happen sooner that later and it should be an useful fight in the end.
You say what you don’t like. You argue. Put boundaries. Learn from it. Get stronger.
Most couples don't have fights anymore because many people think it's going to be the end of their relationship.
Really?
I tell if I am not happy.
That is the only way to grow a relationship in my book.
I am definitely not scared of fighting. That is my way of putting everything out. If they don’t measure up to it I wouldn’t want to be with them anyway.
Just after a fight when you resolve issues, it’s the most intense intimate moment. When you know that you both are in the same page or willing to compromise.
I never thought about it. I have never being in a relationship without arguments. I really need it if I feel things are not right. I wouldn’t be able to just keep it in or pretend.
What people are you talking about? How do you know?
Be proud of that.
Yes, it’s must be. I couldn’t have it any other way.
Have you had that problem?
click to expand
How hard do you argue?
I argue pretty hard but very sort. And I like to forget fast and move on to a better place.
Have you had problems with people not wanting to argue in relationships?
Posted by SeleukosThat sounds exactly like me. Well maybe not the humorous. But it’s when I get silent that I am giving up and that is never good.Posted by pisceswoman123I argue pretty hard too as well as humorous and self-ironic but on top of that very coldhearted and analytical.Posted by SeleukosBoth.Posted by pisceswoman123Of being too "aggressive"?Posted by Seleukos😄 first time someone said that I should be proud about arguing 😄Posted by pisceswoman123It's you Aries thingy.Posted by Seleukos😄Posted by pisceswoman123I agree wholeheartedly but you know...Posted by SeleukosPosted by pisceswoman123That's what you would think but reality looks very different.Posted by SeleukosWouldn’t that happen in any relationship?Posted by saggurl88Well, it's not like I'm sitting in my basement, practicing my evil laugh while planning to hurt her.Posted by SeleukosI can differentiate between anger and hurt. Love isn't supposed to hurt. It cuts too deep when it hurts me.Posted by TheLadyScorpioLove has always been a battlefield to me.Posted by SeleukosWhat do you mean by 'conflict and solution' ?
Still haven't figured that out for me but I think I need a certain amount of conflict and it's solution before I can trust another person.
I have a deep distrust for things that are too easy.
@Seleukos, could you clarify that, or provide an example.
Though easy things, may be simply because they are, for no other malicious reason.
Why would it immediately arise distrust in you ?
The other person needs to fight for the love as hard as I do.
It isn't love if it doesn't hurt.
When I can have conflicts with the other persons and solve those tgother with her/him I gain a bit of trust each time.
I don't trust people who do not fight for what they want.
Example:
She is pissed about something I did and confronts me about it while being relentless.
I can work with that, therefore trust her more.
Anger is honest.
Anger like your example I can definitely do. I know that he isnt going anywhere just like me and I can say what's on my mind and he and I can work through it, forgive, and move on. This has no worries at all. I know everything is still solid. But when someone purposely tries to hurt me, I am not able to trust him. 😕
It's just than at least one fight is going to happen sooner that later and it should be an useful fight in the end.
You say what you don’t like. You argue. Put boundaries. Learn from it. Get stronger.
Most couples don't have fights anymore because many people think it's going to be the end of their relationship.
Really?
I tell if I am not happy.
That is the only way to grow a relationship in my book.
I am definitely not scared of fighting. That is my way of putting everything out. If they don’t measure up to it I wouldn’t want to be with them anyway.
Just after a fight when you resolve issues, it’s the most intense intimate moment. When you know that you both are in the same page or willing to compromise.
I never thought about it. I have never being in a relationship without arguments. I really need it if I feel things are not right. I wouldn’t be able to just keep it in or pretend.
What people are you talking about? How do you know?
Be proud of that.
Yes, it’s must be. I couldn’t have it any other way.
Have you had that problem?
How hard do you argue?
I argue pretty hard but very sort. And I like to forget fast and move on to a better place.
Have you had problems with people not wanting to argue in relationships?
The last two things happen if I don't get and argumentative respond from the other person.
If I'm angry things are still great but once I turn silent, well, you just entered the dangerzone.
If they don't argue I just stop caring and that usually makes them pretty angry.
Excluding one case.click to expand
The same if they walk away trying to give me space. Wrong move. I need to argue until it becomes better.
But if they make them angry, don’t they argue then?
What was that one case?
Posted by TheLadyScorpioYes
Recently, in a conversation with a friend in regards to relationships and such. Suddenly, she hit me with a statement that still haunts me to the core. One of those revelations that went so deep, it stunned me.
"... cause you have trouble accepting someone might love (you), just to love (you)."
Does any one of you suffer from this predicament ?
If you do, how did you eventually come around it, before all potential happiness passes you by ?
It's a mixture of things, such as mild abandonment issues, heavy insecurity, natural distrust and the fact that the sins I committed wouldn't allow me to experience true happiness, for Karma exists.
Like we are what we attract. If I'm a serial liar, I must be attracting liars and people that flatter and kiss my ass for different objectives.
I still haven't overcame it yet.
Posted by SeleukosSo with this gem was the only relationship that you didn’t need to argue you mean?Posted by pisceswoman123Most of them start arguing, yes.Posted by SeleukosThat sounds exactly like me. Well maybe not the humorous. But it’s when I get silent that I am giving up and that is never good.Posted by pisceswoman123I argue pretty hard too as well as humorous and self-ironic but on top of that very coldhearted and analytical.Posted by SeleukosBoth.Posted by pisceswoman123Of being too "aggressive"?Posted by Seleukos😄 first time someone said that I should be proud about arguing 😄Posted by pisceswoman123It's you Aries thingy.Posted by Seleukos😄Posted by pisceswoman123I agree wholeheartedly but you know...Posted by SeleukosPosted by pisceswoman123That's what you would think but reality looks very different.Posted by SeleukosWouldn’t that happen in any relationship?Posted by saggurl88Well, it's not like I'm sitting in my basement, practicing my evil laugh while planning to hurt her.Posted by SeleukosI can differentiate between anger and hurt. Love isn't supposed to hurt. It cuts too deep when it hurts me.Posted by TheLadyScorpioLove has always been a battlefield to me.Posted by SeleukosWhat do you mean by 'conflict and solution' ?
Still haven't figured that out for me but I think I need a certain amount of conflict and it's solution before I can trust another person.
I have a deep distrust for things that are too easy.
@Seleukos, could you clarify that, or provide an example.
Though easy things, may be simply because they are, for no other malicious reason.
Why would it immediately arise distrust in you ?
The other person needs to fight for the love as hard as I do.
It isn't love if it doesn't hurt.
When I can have conflicts with the other persons and solve those tgother with her/him I gain a bit of trust each time.
I don't trust people who do not fight for what they want.
Example:
She is pissed about something I did and confronts me about it while being relentless.
I can work with that, therefore trust her more.
Anger is honest.
Anger like your example I can definitely do. I know that he isnt going anywhere just like me and I can say what's on my mind and he and I can work through it, forgive, and move on. This has no worries at all. I know everything is still solid. But when someone purposely tries to hurt me, I am not able to trust him. 😕
It's just than at least one fight is going to happen sooner that later and it should be an useful fight in the end.
You say what you don’t like. You argue. Put boundaries. Learn from it. Get stronger.
Most couples don't have fights anymore because many people think it's going to be the end of their relationship.
Really?
I tell if I am not happy.
That is the only way to grow a relationship in my book.
I am definitely not scared of fighting. That is my way of putting everything out. If they don’t measure up to it I wouldn’t want to be with them anyway.
Just after a fight when you resolve issues, it’s the most intense intimate moment. When you know that you both are in the same page or willing to compromise.
I never thought about it. I have never being in a relationship without arguments. I really need it if I feel things are not right. I wouldn’t be able to just keep it in or pretend.
What people are you talking about? How do you know?
Be proud of that.
Yes, it’s must be. I couldn’t have it any other way.
Have you had that problem?
How hard do you argue?
I argue pretty hard but very sort. And I like to forget fast and move on to a better place.
Have you had problems with people not wanting to argue in relationships?
The last two things happen if I don't get and argumentative respond from the other person.
If I'm angry things are still great but once I turn silent, well, you just entered the dangerzone.
If they don't argue I just stop caring and that usually makes them pretty angry.
Excluding one case.
The same if they walk away trying to give me space. Wrong move. I need to argue until it becomes better.
But if they make them angry, don’t they argue then?
What was that one case?
The exception was the seven year Gemini.
She just said yes to everything and nothing changed.click to expand
How did you resolve issues?
Posted by SeleukosAnd you still were together for 7 years?Posted by pisceswoman123No, I was annoyed by a couple of things but we never had a real fight about them.Posted by SeleukosSo with this gem was the only relationship that you didn’t need to argue you mean?Posted by pisceswoman123Most of them start arguing, yes.Posted by SeleukosThat sounds exactly like me. Well maybe not the humorous. But it’s when I get silent that I am giving up and that is never good.Posted by pisceswoman123I argue pretty hard too as well as humorous and self-ironic but on top of that very coldhearted and analytical.Posted by SeleukosBoth.Posted by pisceswoman123Of being too "aggressive"?Posted by Seleukos😄 first time someone said that I should be proud about arguing 😄Posted by pisceswoman123It's you Aries thingy.Posted by Seleukos😄Posted by pisceswoman123I agree wholeheartedly but you know...Posted by SeleukosPosted by pisceswoman123That's what you would think but reality looks very different.Posted by SeleukosWouldn’t that happen in any relationship?Posted by saggurl88Well, it's not like I'm sitting in my basement, practicing my evil laugh while planning to hurt her.Posted by SeleukosI can differentiate between anger and hurt. Love isn't supposed to hurt. It cuts too deep when it hurts me.Posted by TheLadyScorpioLove has always been a battlefield to me.Posted by SeleukosWhat do you mean by 'conflict and solution' ?
Still haven't figured that out for me but I think I need a certain amount of conflict and it's solution before I can trust another person.
I have a deep distrust for things that are too easy.
@Seleukos, could you clarify that, or provide an example.
Though easy things, may be simply because they are, for no other malicious reason.
Why would it immediately arise distrust in you ?
The other person needs to fight for the love as hard as I do.
It isn't love if it doesn't hurt.
When I can have conflicts with the other persons and solve those tgother with her/him I gain a bit of trust each time.
I don't trust people who do not fight for what they want.
Example:
She is pissed about something I did and confronts me about it while being relentless.
I can work with that, therefore trust her more.
Anger is honest.
Anger like your example I can definitely do. I know that he isnt going anywhere just like me and I can say what's on my mind and he and I can work through it, forgive, and move on. This has no worries at all. I know everything is still solid. But when someone purposely tries to hurt me, I am not able to trust him. 😕
It's just than at least one fight is going to happen sooner that later and it should be an useful fight in the end.
You say what you don’t like. You argue. Put boundaries. Learn from it. Get stronger.
Most couples don't have fights anymore because many people think it's going to be the end of their relationship.
Really?
I tell if I am not happy.
That is the only way to grow a relationship in my book.
I am definitely not scared of fighting. That is my way of putting everything out. If they don’t measure up to it I wouldn’t want to be with them anyway.
Just after a fight when you resolve issues, it’s the most intense intimate moment. When you know that you both are in the same page or willing to compromise.
I never thought about it. I have never being in a relationship without arguments. I really need it if I feel things are not right. I wouldn’t be able to just keep it in or pretend.
What people are you talking about? How do you know?
Be proud of that.
Yes, it’s must be. I couldn’t have it any other way.
Have you had that problem?
How hard do you argue?
I argue pretty hard but very sort. And I like to forget fast and move on to a better place.
Have you had problems with people not wanting to argue in relationships?
The last two things happen if I don't get and argumentative respond from the other person.
If I'm angry things are still great but once I turn silent, well, you just entered the dangerzone.
If they don't argue I just stop caring and that usually makes them pretty angry.
Excluding one case.
The same if they walk away trying to give me space. Wrong move. I need to argue until it becomes better.
But if they make them angry, don’t they argue then?
What was that one case?
The exception was the seven year Gemini.
She just said yes to everything and nothing changed.
How did you resolve issues?
That was one of the biggest problems.
We didn't resolve problems.
Whenever she didn't like something she didn't talk about it and I had to dig and prob for weeks.click to expand
Well that is pretty crazy.
I have being like that in only one relationship. With an aqua. Just not wanting to make a fuss and not talking about it, mostly because I felt that when I was arguing it didn’t resolve anything. But in reality that makes me to give up. I kept it all in and after 2 years and half I finished with him. He couldn’t believe it. Took him completely by surprise. I thought I was giving him lots of signs that I was giving up.
No. Definitely better to argue and resolve issues.
Posted by SeleukosIt’s sad to get a dead heart from a bad relationship.Posted by pisceswoman123First love, first relationship.Posted by SeleukosAnd you still were together for 7 years?Posted by pisceswoman123No, I was annoyed by a couple of things but we never had a real fight about them.Posted by SeleukosSo with this gem was the only relationship that you didn’t need to argue you mean?Posted by pisceswoman123Most of them start arguing, yes.Posted by SeleukosThat sounds exactly like me. Well maybe not the humorous. But it’s when I get silent that I am giving up and that is never good.Posted by pisceswoman123I argue pretty hard too as well as humorous and self-ironic but on top of that very coldhearted and analytical.Posted by SeleukosBoth.Posted by pisceswoman123Of being too "aggressive"?Posted by Seleukos😄 first time someone said that I should be proud about arguing 😄Posted by pisceswoman123It's you Aries thingy.Posted by Seleukos😄Posted by pisceswoman123I agree wholeheartedly but you know...Posted by SeleukosPosted by pisceswoman123That's what you would think but reality looks very different.Posted by SeleukosWouldn’t that happen in any relationship?Posted by saggurl88Well, it's not like I'm sitting in my basement, practicing my evil laugh while planning to hurt her.Posted by SeleukosI can differentiate between anger and hurt. Love isn't supposed to hurt. It cuts too deep when it hurts me.Posted by TheLadyScorpioLove has always been a battlefield to me.Posted by SeleukosWhat do you mean by 'conflict and solution' ?
Still haven't figured that out for me but I think I need a certain amount of conflict and it's solution before I can trust another person.
I have a deep distrust for things that are too easy.
@Seleukos, could you clarify that, or provide an example.
Though easy things, may be simply because they are, for no other malicious reason.
Why would it immediately arise distrust in you ?
The other person needs to fight for the love as hard as I do.
It isn't love if it doesn't hurt.
When I can have conflicts with the other persons and solve those tgother with her/him I gain a bit of trust each time.
I don't trust people who do not fight for what they want.
Example:
She is pissed about something I did and confronts me about it while being relentless.
I can work with that, therefore trust her more.
Anger is honest.
Anger like your example I can definitely do. I know that he isnt going anywhere just like me and I can say what's on my mind and he and I can work through it, forgive, and move on. This has no worries at all. I know everything is still solid. But when someone purposely tries to hurt me, I am not able to trust him. 😕
It's just than at least one fight is going to happen sooner that later and it should be an useful fight in the end.
You say what you don’t like. You argue. Put boundaries. Learn from it. Get stronger.
Most couples don't have fights anymore because many people think it's going to be the end of their relationship.
Really?
I tell if I am not happy.
That is the only way to grow a relationship in my book.
I am definitely not scared of fighting. That is my way of putting everything out. If they don’t measure up to it I wouldn’t want to be with them anyway.
Just after a fight when you resolve issues, it’s the most intense intimate moment. When you know that you both are in the same page or willing to compromise.
I never thought about it. I have never being in a relationship without arguments. I really need it if I feel things are not right. I wouldn’t be able to just keep it in or pretend.
What people are you talking about? How do you know?
Be proud of that.
Yes, it’s must be. I couldn’t have it any other way.
Have you had that problem?
How hard do you argue?
I argue pretty hard but very sort. And I like to forget fast and move on to a better place.
Have you had problems with people not wanting to argue in relationships?
The last two things happen if I don't get and argumentative respond from the other person.
If I'm angry things are still great but once I turn silent, well, you just entered the dangerzone.
If they don't argue I just stop caring and that usually makes them pretty angry.
Excluding one case.
The same if they walk away trying to give me space. Wrong move. I need to argue until it becomes better.
But if they make them angry, don’t they argue then?
What was that one case?
The exception was the seven year Gemini.
She just said yes to everything and nothing changed.
How did you resolve issues?
That was one of the biggest problems.
We didn't resolve problems.
Whenever she didn't like something she didn't talk about it and I had to dig and prob for weeks.
Well that is pretty crazy.
I have being like that in only one relationship. With an aqua. Just not wanting to make a fuss and not talking about it, mostly because I felt that when I was arguing it didn’t resolve anything. But in reality that makes me to give up. I kept it all in and after 2 years and half I finished with him. He couldn’t believe it. Took him completely by surprise. I thought I was giving him lots of signs that I was giving up.
No. Definitely better to argue and resolve issues.
Mistakes were made.
The good thing is that I have seen all bad aspects of a relationship now and nothing is going to shock me ever again.
It's a good thing to have a dead heart.click to expand
Every one is different and you learn a real deal out of it.
A bad experience shouldn’t stop you from having a good one.
And I don’t think you can see every bad aspect in just one. I don’t think that it’s possible.
Posted by SeleukosBut how can you know for sure that it’s never going to happen? That is the thing. You never know. You can foul your self and make all the decisions you want but you cannot tell. You can change. Things can change. People around you can change.Posted by pisceswoman123I considered the most likely pathways from my current point in life and came to the conclusion it is the better way to silence that part of my being.Posted by SeleukosIt’s sad to get a dead heart from a bad relationship.Posted by pisceswoman123First love, first relationship.Posted by SeleukosAnd you still were together for 7 years?Posted by pisceswoman123No, I was annoyed by a couple of things but we never had a real fight about them.Posted by SeleukosSo with this gem was the only relationship that you didn’t need to argue you mean?Posted by pisceswoman123Most of them start arguing, yes.Posted by SeleukosThat sounds exactly like me. Well maybe not the humorous. But it’s when I get silent that I am giving up and that is never good.Posted by pisceswoman123I argue pretty hard too as well as humorous and self-ironic but on top of that very coldhearted and analytical.Posted by SeleukosBoth.Posted by pisceswoman123Of being too "aggressive"?Posted by Seleukos😄 first time someone said that I should be proud about arguing 😄Posted by pisceswoman123It's you Aries thingy.Posted by Seleukos😄Posted by pisceswoman123I agree wholeheartedly but you know...Posted by SeleukosPosted by pisceswoman123That's what you would think but reality looks very different.Posted by SeleukosWouldn’t that happen in any relationship?Posted by saggurl88Well, it's not like I'm sitting in my basement, practicing my evil laugh while planning to hurt her.Posted by SeleukosI can differentiate between anger and hurt. Love isn't supposed to hurt. It cuts too deep when it hurts me.Posted by TheLadyScorpioLove has always been a battlefield to me.Posted by SeleukosWhat do you mean by 'conflict and solution' ?
Still haven't figured that out for me but I think I need a certain amount of conflict and it's solution before I can trust another person.
I have a deep distrust for things that are too easy.
@Seleukos, could you clarify that, or provide an example.
Though easy things, may be simply because they are, for no other malicious reason.
Why would it immediately arise distrust in you ?
The other person needs to fight for the love as hard as I do.
It isn't love if it doesn't hurt.
When I can have conflicts with the other persons and solve those tgother with her/him I gain a bit of trust each time.
I don't trust people who do not fight for what they want.
Example:
She is pissed about something I did and confronts me about it while being relentless.
I can work with that, therefore trust her more.
Anger is honest.
Anger like your example I can definitely do. I know that he isnt going anywhere just like me and I can say what's on my mind and he and I can work through it, forgive, and move on. This has no worries at all. I know everything is still solid. But when someone purposely tries to hurt me, I am not able to trust him. 😕
It's just than at least one fight is going to happen sooner that later and it should be an useful fight in the end.
You say what you don’t like. You argue. Put boundaries. Learn from it. Get stronger.
Most couples don't have fights anymore because many people think it's going to be the end of their relationship.
Really?
I tell if I am not happy.
That is the only way to grow a relationship in my book.
I am definitely not scared of fighting. That is my way of putting everything out. If they don’t measure up to it I wouldn’t want to be with them anyway.
Just after a fight when you resolve issues, it’s the most intense intimate moment. When you know that you both are in the same page or willing to compromise.
I never thought about it. I have never being in a relationship without arguments. I really need it if I feel things are not right. I wouldn’t be able to just keep it in or pretend.
What people are you talking about? How do you know?
Be proud of that.
Yes, it’s must be. I couldn’t have it any other way.
Have you had that problem?
How hard do you argue?
I argue pretty hard but very sort. And I like to forget fast and move on to a better place.
Have you had problems with people not wanting to argue in relationships?
The last two things happen if I don't get and argumentative respond from the other person.
If I'm angry things are still great but once I turn silent, well, you just entered the dangerzone.
If they don't argue I just stop caring and that usually makes them pretty angry.
Excluding one case.
The same if they walk away trying to give me space. Wrong move. I need to argue until it becomes better.
But if they make them angry, don’t they argue then?
What was that one case?
The exception was the seven year Gemini.
She just said yes to everything and nothing changed.
How did you resolve issues?
That was one of the biggest problems.
We didn't resolve problems.
Whenever she didn't like something she didn't talk about it and I had to dig and prob for weeks.
Well that is pretty crazy.
I have being like that in only one relationship. With an aqua. Just not wanting to make a fuss and not talking about it, mostly because I felt that when I was arguing it didn’t resolve anything. But in reality that makes me to give up. I kept it all in and after 2 years and half I finished with him. He couldn’t believe it. Took him completely by surprise. I thought I was giving him lots of signs that I was giving up.
No. Definitely better to argue and resolve issues.
Mistakes were made.
The good thing is that I have seen all bad aspects of a relationship now and nothing is going to shock me ever again.
It's a good thing to have a dead heart.
Every one is different and you learn a real deal out of it.
A bad experience shouldn’t stop you from having a good one.
And I don’t think you can see every bad aspect in just one. I don’t think that it’s possible.
I finalized that decision yesterday. It's pointless to wait for something that is never going to happen.click to expand
I am pretty sure I have difficulty with this cause recently I realised I love others based on criteria and that this is narrowing my experience
I mean the whole society is supporting that love only comes if you meet certain conditions or are what the other person wants you to be.... That why we all suffer like that.
I mean the whole society is supporting that love only comes if you meet certain conditions or are what the other person wants you to be.... That why we all suffer like that.
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"... cause you have trouble accepting someone might love (you), just to love (you)."
Does any one of you suffer from this predicament ?
If you do, how did you eventually come around it, before all potential happiness passes you by ?