Am I dying?

For the past few days my guts have been bloated as a mofo and I can't stop pooping. My poo burns so bad even for like 10 mins after wiping.

My shit stinks a lot worse than usual, worse than a couple weeks back when I drank the entire bottle of bourbon. There's green things in my poo, but I havent eaten any peas.

Pray for me DXP... My time has come.

P.S. The pisces may have poisoned me.

Posted by Rambunctious76
You have food poisoning.

I knew I should have left my aunts mashed pertaters alone...

I don't have one. Got tired of his receptionists attitude. Gave me massive attitude because she didn't want to do shit but sit on her fat ass and I asked her for my billing statement. She hit uber cunt mode and I snapped at her and she backed off hella quick.

Haven't gone back since.

Posted by Huldra
You have a case of Pisces hex

Is it fatal?

Bummer. Ill head to the ER when I start spraying blood from my anus. Ill have my colon removed during the autopsy and sent to the Pisces.

Pooping has stopped. I found green lumps in my poo not mucus. I believe the Pisces reversed the hex, I'm safe for now....

wow. with those kinds of lifestyle habits, you very well could be. you seriously need to shape up. I don't think I've ever heard of someone in such dire need of a detox.

for starters:

* drink 2 liters of water per day
* fresh raw fruits and veggies should be the mainstays of your diet (fresh squeezed juices are great)
* sleep 8 hours a night, in bed by 11pm
* no more drinking, smoking, or drugs (unless medically necessary)
* brisk walk, hike, bike ride or swim for an hour per day

also try dry brushing, saunas, and detox body wraps to help expedite your detox. Coconut water will help replenish your electrolytes you probably have lost by sh¡tting UFOs for god knows how long.

disclaimer: I am not a doctor or medical expert. these advices are just common sense to me.

Do not go to die

Sounds like my first herpes outbreak lmfao

Posted by WhiteChocolate
Did you happen to let Charlie Sheen creampie you?

Shhh. He's paying millions to keep that a secret.

I died of laughter at the shitting UFOs part.

How does one heritate a pc?

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by Magenta_Azure
Sounds like my first herpes outbreak lmfao

Blimey!!

click to expand

Lol. It was awful. I couldn't pee

Posted by Koniucha
You could be dying, but aren't we all?

Are we dieing?

Or are we living?

Maybe living and dieing are the same exact thing.

So would that make life and death the same exact thing?

There's the question of the day.

Btw don't ask the internet for health advice. It's always a deadly disease. Every time, just paranoia fuel

Poops have subsided but a let a super.juicy fart at work and my manager asked if I shat myself in front of a higher up. 😢

Trying not to laugh was hella hard, not only was I proud of it I had to tighten my belt a notch.

My co-worker wished death upon me... I think he's a fart hating wizard.

Posted by xoxoRain
I'm sick in bed too with a stomach flu & this thread just grossed me the fuck out so hard. #barfs &quietlyGagging ­­­­­

Lets cuddle and enjoy each others stentch.

Spoke to a new doc... Turns out I have the butt clap.

-Inserts goatse.cx pic-