How you might deal with adults who fake cry or are overly sensitive (unfairly so).

So there is a woman at work. She cries literally twice a week.

Everyone finds it really draining at this stage. The thing is she might be genuinely overly emotional .. but its still not appropriate... i think this now because i realized when i met her family I witnessed her teenage daughter cry over nothing about twice in the space of one hr. Which to me even for a teen is odd. So maybe that is how her family is? See the thing is ... she also exhausts herself with all these unnecessary emotions .. but then sometimes she switches it off like in a second which makes me think SOMETIMES SHE IS FAKING IT

I felt she was being manipulating and i looked like a bully for holding to a decision if i had to say no... etc.

I have some tips.

Firstly get out of the situation and avoid or ignore until she has calmed.

Secondly say things that neutralizes the emotion and encourages the person to use words rather than waterworks.

I say things like

'I know its hard but try to be brave.. '

'I know you are upset but try to explain it to us using words'

' I know you are feeling fragile but try to be strong and brave'

' I see you are in the wars and feeling upset don't worry I will beat the bullies off for you...you will find your brave voice some day.'

It allows me to not respond to her actions but deal with the situation without giving her more to cry about and getting her worked up more ... but doesn't reinforce the behaviour.

It happened in a meeting and the regional manager told me afterwards 'I really admire the way you handled that'.

the thing is .. i dont get why she doesnt realize its happening and pull it in... or ask to be excused to go to the ladies or something.

Like when I feel tears .. i blink them off and i try to calm down.. or ask to be excused ...

I mean everyone has to cry at sometime.. but like twice a week ALL THE TIME?? And nothing is going on?

I ALMOST cried in front of our boss ONCE .. but i held it .. and didn't let the tears fall .. but he noticed .. and then i apologized to him after saying i would try not to let it happen again.

He told me he respected me a lot more after that.

See im saying this because i wouldnt want people to think im cold... or i dont understand.

But if you were not raised in a home where you were told 'use your brave voice' you have to learn sometimes that there are some who will not be moved by tears.

Posted by Textosmoon
So there is a woman at work. She cries literally twice a week.

Everyone finds it really draining at this stage. The thing is she might be genuinely overly emotional .. but its still not appropriate... i think this now because i realized when i met her family I witnessed her teenage daughter cry over nothing about twice in the space of one hr. Which to me even for a teen is odd. So maybe that is how her family is? See the thing is ... she also exhausts herself with all these unnecessary emotions .. but then sometimes she switches it off like in a second which makes me think SOMETIMES SHE IS FAKING IT

I felt she was being manipulating and i looked like a bully for holding to a decision if i had to say no... etc.

I have some tips.

Firstly get out of the situation and avoid or ignore until she has calmed.

Secondly say things that neutralizes the emotion and encourages the person to use words rather than waterworks.

I say things like

'I know its hard but try to be brave.. '

'I know you are upset but try to explain it to us using words'

' I know you are feeling fragile but try to be strong and brave'

' I see you are in the wars and feeling upset don't worry I will beat the bullies off for you...you will find your brave voice some day.'

It allows me to not respond to her actions but deal with the situation without giving her more to cry about and getting her worked up more ... but doesn't reinforce the behaviour.

It happened in a meeting and the regional manager told me afterwards 'I really admire the way you handled that'.

the thing is .. i dont get why she doesnt realize its happening and pull it in... or ask to be excused to go to the ladies or something.

Like when I feel tears .. i blink them off and i try to calm down.. or ask to be excused ...

I mean everyone has to cry at sometime.. but like twice a week ALL THE TIME?? And nothing is going on?

I ALMOST cried in front of our boss ONCE .. but i held it .. and didn't let the tears fall .. but he noticed .. and then i apologized to him after saying i would try not to let it happen again.

He told me he respected me a lot more after that.

See im saying this because i wouldnt want people to think im cold... or i dont understand.

But if you were not raised in a home where you were told 'use your brave voice' you have to learn sometimes that there are some who will not be moved by tears.

I have noticed some people are already avoiding her. If someone is so high on the emotional spectrum their emotional recall is processing a deadline as if its about to kill their firstborn... well that is draining.

Also some people in work are genuinely dealing with serious illness in their family and are close to the verge themselves and she needs CONSTANT support.

I can' help but feel the emotion is manipulative.

Everyone in work thinks i am some tough valkyrie now..

That might be because im the only irish one tho.. they buy into the stereotype. lol

Im loving it because really im a mouse. BUT A SMART MOUSE

Posted by MidAtBest
I'm like that but specifically in situations where I'm inescapably surrounded by people whom are speaking to me. like social situations but most notably work, especially in a high-stress team environment. I think thats a huge part of why General Mills HR fired me, all the crying I was doing they (my bosses and coworkers) figured I didn't want the job. same with Printex except I wasn't crying so much as screaming bc my older male teammate was a huge creep. stripping is usually less tear-inducing than a factory. in many ways, at that, I mean there's no penalties for missing as long as the shift is covered.

but I discovered that when I'm alone I don't cry. like when I've had 2 and a half weeks vacation, as long as I get to be alone I don't fly into this panic and start sobbing. I'd love to work remotely, but have never yet landed that. anyway, I don't feel its manipulative bc being in the presence of others genuinely throws me into a panic esp if I feel pressured to speak (esp in a group). sucks that most of us have no other choice but to work with others

You must find all that even more exhausting than the people all around you do. Even if its not you doing it on purpose it can feel like a trauma dump or just draining for all.

I hope you learn to understand it and find a calmness within because all that cortisol isnt good for the heart.

It gives you insomnia etc .. take care girl. xx

Try not to worry about it tho.

I have been trained not to cry basically from a kid by the Irish school system and my family. lol At least never in public.

Even if my boyfriend makes me cry I run off before he even knows .. i remember texting my gf and she wasn't irish and she was like ' BE STRONG IN YOUR TEARS' and i was like no you dont get it irish women dont let ANYONE partic a man see us cry partic a boyfriend.

I have never seen my mother cry. I would have seen my dad cry before i would see my mother cry. lol

Posted by MidAtBest
I'm like that but specifically in situations where I'm inescapably surrounded by people whom are speaking to me. like social situations but most notably work, especially in a high-stress team environment. I think thats a huge part of why General Mills HR fired me, all the crying I was doing they (my bosses and coworkers) figured I didn't want the job. same with Printex except I wasn't crying so much as screaming bc my older male teammate was a huge creep. stripping is usually less tear-inducing than a factory. in many ways, at that, I mean there's no penalties for missing as long as the shift is covered.

but I discovered that when I'm alone I don't cry. like when I've had 2 and a half weeks vacation, as long as I get to be alone I don't fly into this panic and start sobbing. I'd love to work remotely, but have never yet landed that. anyway, I don't feel its manipulative bc being in the presence of others genuinely throws me into a panic esp if I feel pressured to speak (esp in a group). sucks that most of us have no other choice but to work with others

You must find all that even more exhausting than the people all around you do. Even if its not you doing it on purpose it can feel like a trauma dump or just draining for all.

I hope you learn to understand it and find a calmness within because all that cortisol isnt good for the heart.

It gives you insomnia etc .. take care girl. xx

Try not to worry about it tho.

I have been trained not to cry basically from a kid by the Irish school system and my family. lol At least never in public.

Even if my boyfriend makes me cry I run off before he even knows .. i remember texting my gf and she wasn't irish and she was like ' BE STRONG IN YOUR TEARS' and i was like no you dont get it irish women dont let ANYONE partic a man see us cry partic a boyfriend.

I have never seen my mother cry. I would have seen my dad cry before i would see my mother cry. lol

Posted by MidAtBest
I'm like that but specifically in situations where I'm inescapably surrounded by people whom are speaking to me. like social situations but most notably work, especially in a high-stress team environment. I think thats a huge part of why General Mills HR fired me, all the crying I was doing they (my bosses and coworkers) figured I didn't want the job. same with Printex except I wasn't crying so much as screaming bc my older male teammate was a huge creep. stripping is usually less tear-inducing than a factory. in many ways, at that, I mean there's no penalties for missing as long as the shift is covered.

but I discovered that when I'm alone I don't cry. like when I've had 2 and a half weeks vacation, as long as I get to be alone I don't fly into this panic and start sobbing. I'd love to work remotely, but have never yet landed that. anyway, I don't feel its manipulative bc being in the presence of others genuinely throws me into a panic esp if I feel pressured to speak (esp in a group). sucks that most of us have no other choice but to work with others

Anyway dont think its about you.. its not about people who just cant help it. I feel for sure she is putting it on.

Posted by MidAtBest

Posted by Textosmoon

Posted by MidAtBest
I'm like that but specifically in situations where I'm inescapably surrounded by people whom are speaking to me. like social situations but most notably work, especially in a high-stress team environment. I think thats a huge part of why General Mills HR fired me, all the crying I was doing they (my bosses and coworkers) figured I didn't want the job. same with Printex except I wasn't crying so much as screaming bc my older male teammate was a huge creep. stripping is usually less tear-inducing than a factory. in many ways, at that, I mean there's no penalties for missing as long as the shift is covered.

but I discovered that when I'm alone I don't cry. like when I've had 2 and a half weeks vacation, as long as I get to be alone I don't fly into this panic and start sobbing. I'd love to work remotely, but have never yet landed that. anyway, I don't feel its manipulative bc being in the presence of others genuinely throws me into a panic esp if I feel pressured to speak (esp in a group). sucks that most of us have no other choice but to work with others

Anyway dont think its about you.. its not about people who just cant help it. I feel for sure she is putting it on. click to expand

yeah, if she had kids she's probably not as much of a neurotic hermit as me. is she middle-aged and/or repeat stories/sentences an obnoxious amount? I bet it's substance-induced brain damage.

your cap moon is how you're so tough. the first time I ever saw my cap sister cry haunts me

click to expand

I think it's cultural tbh. Its how you are raised and whether the people around you were emotional also genetics etc. Some people have the genetics to be highly emotional. Just like people have the genetics to be addicts or depressed.

She is deffo a wine mom. She has also done some really ffed up stuff to other people to get ahead including other women. That is why i think she is not so super sensitive nor empathetic.

Nothing has worked on me for her. She tries to intimidate people with this brittle thatcherite speak up child bs... then she tries the water works 'have pity on me im fragile' ..or waves her degree from oxford trying to intimidate me or uses her wealth and supposed network.

She doesnt get im just not built that way. Im just .. breezy.

She actively tried to stop a co worker getting time off for sick leave when it was a serious issue. But she has no street smarts so now EVERYONE knows what she did. Because she literally said in front of the whole office 'I can't believe you are even considering this as sick leave '. OPENLY on the floor.

Also all she is doing is stressing herself out because her hair is falling out in chunks. Which im sorry about .. but seriously she needs to take care of herself and stop worrying about everyone else .. these men in suits DONT need her favours lady they are BIG BOYS sweetie stop stepping into the line of fire for people in tanks. Take some kelp dulaman or valerian root or cohash..

I would say she is a wine mom .. substances maybe prescribed. I know the youngest kid hates her. Or like she complains about him all the time.

Posted by MidAtBest

Posted by Textosmoon

Posted by MidAtBest
I'm like that but specifically in situations where I'm inescapably surrounded by people whom are speaking to me. like social situations but most notably work, especially in a high-stress team environment. I think thats a huge part of why General Mills HR fired me, all the crying I was doing they (my bosses and coworkers) figured I didn't want the job. same with Printex except I wasn't crying so much as screaming bc my older male teammate was a huge creep. stripping is usually less tear-inducing than a factory. in many ways, at that, I mean there's no penalties for missing as long as the shift is covered.

but I discovered that when I'm alone I don't cry. like when I've had 2 and a half weeks vacation, as long as I get to be alone I don't fly into this panic and start sobbing. I'd love to work remotely, but have never yet landed that. anyway, I don't feel its manipulative bc being in the presence of others genuinely throws me into a panic esp if I feel pressured to speak (esp in a group). sucks that most of us have no other choice but to work with others

Anyway dont think its about you.. its not about people who just cant help it. I feel for sure she is putting it on. click to expand

yeah, if she had kids she's probably not as much of a neurotic hermit as me. is she middle-aged and/or repeat stories/sentences an obnoxious amount? I bet it's substance-induced brain damage.

your cap moon is how you're so tough. the first time I ever saw my cap sister cry haunts me

click to expand

She repeats stories a lot .. and sentences and sometimes mixes up syllables .. we work in an office with a lot of bilingual sentences but she is not part of the language team but sometimes someone thinks its a good idea to like give her a paragraph in german or french as a greeting ot learn as a speech. She always butchers it.

She is smart enough to know she can't speak any of these languages but not smart enough to know she should not even try reading them. Its embarrassing. She should use the intrepreter of the other person doesnt have english. (usually they have quite a bit of english its just for an entire meeting they might struggle partic the french)

She mixes up syllables in english also when speaking.

I dont know tho that could be some level of dyslexia so i dont like to get on her for that.

Posted by MidAtBest

Posted by Textosmoon

Posted by MidAtBest

Posted by Textosmoon

Posted by MidAtBest
I'm like that but specifically in situations where I'm inescapably surrounded by people whom are speaking to me. like social situations but most notably work, especially in a high-stress team environment. I think thats a huge part of why General Mills HR fired me, all the crying I was doing they (my bosses and coworkers) figured I didn't want the job. same with Printex except I wasn't crying so much as screaming bc my older male teammate was a huge creep. stripping is usually less tear-inducing than a factory. in many ways, at that, I mean there's no penalties for missing as long as the shift is covered.

but I discovered that when I'm alone I don't cry. like when I've had 2 and a half weeks vacation, as long as I get to be alone I don't fly into this panic and start sobbing. I'd love to work remotely, but have never yet landed that. anyway, I don't feel its manipulative bc being in the presence of others genuinely throws me into a panic esp if I feel pressured to speak (esp in a group). sucks that most of us have no other choice but to work with others

Anyway dont think its about you.. its not about people who just cant help it. I feel for sure she is putting it on. click to expand

yeah, if she had kids she's probably not as much of a neurotic hermit as me. is she middle-aged and/or repeat stories/sentences an obnoxious amount? I bet it's substance-induced brain damage.

your cap moon is how you're so tough. the first time I ever saw my cap sister cry haunts meclick to expand

I think it's cultural tbh. Its how you are raised and whether the people around you were emotional also genetics etc. Some people have the genetics to be highly emotional. Just like people have the genetics to be addicts or depressed.

She is deffo a wine mom. She has also done some really ffed up stuff to other people to get ahead including other women. That is why i think she is not so super sensitive nor empathetic.

Nothing has worked on me for her. She tries to intimidate people with this brittle thatcherite speak up child bs... then she tries the water works 'have pity on me im fragile' ..or waves her degree from oxford trying to intimidate me or uses her wealth and supposed network.

She doesnt get im just not built that way. Im just .. breezy.

She actively tried to stop a co worker getting time off for sick leave when it was a serious issue. But she has no street smarts so now EVERYONE knows what she did. Because she literally said in front of the whole office 'I can't believe you are even considering this as sick leave '. OPENLY on the floor.

Also all she is doing is stressing herself out because her hair is falling out in chunks. Which im sorry about .. but seriously she needs to take care of herself and stop worrying about everyone else .. these men in suits DONT need her favours lady they are BIG BOYS sweetie stop stepping into the line of fire for people in tanks. Take some kelp dulaman or valerian root or cohash..

I would say she is a wine mom .. substances maybe prescribed. I know the youngest kid hates her. Or like she complains about him all the time. click to expand

I know exactly the type you mean. often Pisces/Aries/Cancer/Leo placements. I avoid like the plague but it's heartbreaking when they force themselves into relevance by somehow influencing others against you bc gossiping about younger cute women (even strangers) is their thang. the "company mom" lordt. they're so into the mom brand but let a man be around and they're talking about sex at length. now im being just as toxic but yeah I pretend these fucks don't exist. when I read about the Sylvia likens murder, Gertrude baniszewski's brain, such traits are common in these women. what they need is a timothee chalamet catfish to flirt with them and hype them up, give em some attention. perhaps chatgpt could be put to good use in that regard.

as pertains to the thread: if misbehavior is allowed to run rampant, then the workplace is probably toxic to the core. otherwise, problems solve themselves.

I believe that those who feel superior tend to repeat the same stories over and over. again unless it's some traumatic thing and they're mid-panic.

click to expand

The Gertrude Baniszewski thing reminds me of Ilse Koch. Both Virgo women. That terrifies me because Virgo women are so unsuspecting and I would probably trust them to help raise my kids too 😭

Posted by MidAtBest

Posted by Textosmoon

Posted by MidAtBest

Posted by Textosmoon

Posted by MidAtBest
I'm like that but specifically in situations where I'm inescapably surrounded by people whom are speaking to me. like social situations but most notably work, especially in a high-stress team environment. I think thats a huge part of why General Mills HR fired me, all the crying I was doing they (my bosses and coworkers) figured I didn't want the job. same with Printex except I wasn't crying so much as screaming bc my older male teammate was a huge creep. stripping is usually less tear-inducing than a factory. in many ways, at that, I mean there's no penalties for missing as long as the shift is covered.

but I discovered that when I'm alone I don't cry. like when I've had 2 and a half weeks vacation, as long as I get to be alone I don't fly into this panic and start sobbing. I'd love to work remotely, but have never yet landed that. anyway, I don't feel its manipulative bc being in the presence of others genuinely throws me into a panic esp if I feel pressured to speak (esp in a group). sucks that most of us have no other choice but to work with others

Anyway dont think its about you.. its not about people who just cant help it. I feel for sure she is putting it on. click to expand

yeah, if she had kids she's probably not as much of a neurotic hermit as me. is she middle-aged and/or repeat stories/sentences an obnoxious amount? I bet it's substance-induced brain damage.

your cap moon is how you're so tough. the first time I ever saw my cap sister cry haunts meclick to expand

I think it's cultural tbh. Its how you are raised and whether the people around you were emotional also genetics etc. Some people have the genetics to be highly emotional. Just like people have the genetics to be addicts or depressed.

She is deffo a wine mom. She has also done some really ffed up stuff to other people to get ahead including other women. That is why i think she is not so super sensitive nor empathetic.

Nothing has worked on me for her. She tries to intimidate people with this brittle thatcherite speak up child bs... then she tries the water works 'have pity on me im fragile' ..or waves her degree from oxford trying to intimidate me or uses her wealth and supposed network.

She doesnt get im just not built that way. Im just .. breezy.

She actively tried to stop a co worker getting time off for sick leave when it was a serious issue. But she has no street smarts so now EVERYONE knows what she did. Because she literally said in front of the whole office 'I can't believe you are even considering this as sick leave '. OPENLY on the floor.

Also all she is doing is stressing herself out because her hair is falling out in chunks. Which im sorry about .. but seriously she needs to take care of herself and stop worrying about everyone else .. these men in suits DONT need her favours lady they are BIG BOYS sweetie stop stepping into the line of fire for people in tanks. Take some kelp dulaman or valerian root or cohash..

I would say she is a wine mom .. substances maybe prescribed. I know the youngest kid hates her. Or like she complains about him all the time. click to expand

I know exactly the type you mean. often Pisces/Aries/Cancer/Leo placements. I avoid like the plague but it's heartbreaking when they force themselves into relevance by somehow influencing others against you bc gossiping about younger cute women (even strangers) is their thang. the "company mom" lordt. they're so into the mom brand but let a man be around and they're talking about sex at length. now im being just as toxic but yeah I pretend these fucks don't exist. when I read about the Sylvia likens murder, Gertrude baniszewski's brain, such traits are common in these women. what they need is a timothee chalamet catfish to flirt with them and hype them up, give em some attention. perhaps chatgpt could be put to good use in that regard.

as pertains to the thread: if misbehavior is allowed to run rampant, then the workplace is probably toxic to the core. otherwise, problems solve themselves.

I believe that those who feel superior tend to repeat the same stories over and over. again unless it's some traumatic thing and they're mid-panic.

click to expand

I dont think its aimed just at women i have seen her fuck over both genders... no one sees her as the office mom more like a diva..

I am not mocking her if its genuine pain.. but she has done several underhanded things which i wont get into..

I think if it all comes out tbh she will be fired soon i can't say too much but im pretty sure she mis managed finances .. ad her presence at some meetings raised a conflict of interests.

She knows better than to have done some of the things she has.

Fiancially at least. Her office had this secret bank account no one knew about. As far as I know no one knows where the money came from or where it went. But various people including her were making transactions on it/through it.

But we dont know where the money was coming from.

Or that is what I was told. This was like 3 yrs ago.

Posted by Textosmoon
She knows better than to have done some of the things she has.

Fiancially at least. Her office had this secret bank account no one knew about. As far as I know no one knows where the money came from or where it went. But various people including her were making transactions on it/through it.

But we dont know where the money was coming from.

Or that is what I was told. This was like 3 yrs ago.

Anyway I don't really know the details but it was aa huge amount of money someone bought a holiday and someone else bought a car in the company's name.

I dont know for sure it was illegal but I know people trusted her less after in certain circles and her career sort of got shutdown and put on hold.

Either she is REALLY dumb and has no idea what the f was going on... or she has some questions to answer.

Why she is in the position she is in or still there .. dont ask me i dont know.

Thats how my mom is. I kind of understand it because I'm like that too, except as a male I have a switch either programmed by society, or naturally that let's me feel nothing. When alone however thoughts can spark heavy emotions. For me its less about stress or sadness, and more about a deep realization or existential breakthrough. When it comes to others like my mom, I just let them get it all out and don't think too much of it. I feel like venting is a positive thing, but sometimes wish she had a daughter to relate with emotion wise. I don't get drained by other peoples energy or emotions because I have that switch, and can pretty much pick or chose if I feel something or not. Its impossible for me to fake emotion, so I can't even pretend if that switch is off.

You should ask her round to your house for tea

Posted by Wizardzzz
You should ask her round to your house for tea

I would rather invite myself round to her so i can snoop. I don't want to give her my address.

Say "I'll give you something to really cry about" 😠

Posted by Xactamundo
Say "I'll give you something to really cry about" 😠

I love you.

Actually i want to change the title of this.

I love sensitive people. I dont want to make like this is about sensitive people this is about this manipulative bitch in work.

I dont want sensitive people to think they are problem. They are not. SHE IS.

I have a friend/ally in the office doing recon on her (well sort of half as a joke)

Posted by MidAtBest

Posted by Textosmoon
She knows better than to have done some of the things she has.

Fiancially at least. Her office had this secret bank account no one knew about. As far as I know no one knows where the money came from or where it went. But various people including her were making transactions on it/through it.

But we dont know where the money was coming from.

Or that is what I was told. This was like 3 yrs ago.

that makes me wonder if harder substances weren't involved after all xD

click to expand

She is a total hypocryte.

Slightly dumb. A deer in headlights..but not an innocent one... but at the same time really manipulative.

She is like ... also from a wealthy family..

Posted by MidAtBest

Posted by Textosmoon

Posted by MidAtBest

Posted by Textosmoon

Posted by MidAtBest
I'm like that but specifically in situations where I'm inescapably surrounded by people whom are speaking to me. like social situations but most notably work, especially in a high-stress team environment. I think thats a huge part of why General Mills HR fired me, all the crying I was doing they (my bosses and coworkers) figured I didn't want the job. same with Printex except I wasn't crying so much as screaming bc my older male teammate was a huge creep. stripping is usually less tear-inducing than a factory. in many ways, at that, I mean there's no penalties for missing as long as the shift is covered.

but I discovered that when I'm alone I don't cry. like when I've had 2 and a half weeks vacation, as long as I get to be alone I don't fly into this panic and start sobbing. I'd love to work remotely, but have never yet landed that. anyway, I don't feel its manipulative bc being in the presence of others genuinely throws me into a panic esp if I feel pressured to speak (esp in a group). sucks that most of us have no other choice but to work with others

Anyway dont think its about you.. its not about people who just cant help it. I feel for sure she is putting it on. click to expand

yeah, if she had kids she's probably not as much of a neurotic hermit as me. is she middle-aged and/or repeat stories/sentences an obnoxious amount? I bet it's substance-induced brain damage.

your cap moon is how you're so tough. the first time I ever saw my cap sister cry haunts meclick to expand

I think it's cultural tbh. Its how you are raised and whether the people around you were emotional also genetics etc. Some people have the genetics to be highly emotional. Just like people have the genetics to be addicts or depressed.

She is deffo a wine mom. She has also done some really ffed up stuff to other people to get ahead including other women. That is why i think she is not so super sensitive nor empathetic.

Nothing has worked on me for her. She tries to intimidate people with this brittle thatcherite speak up child bs... then she tries the water works 'have pity on me im fragile' ..or waves her degree from oxford trying to intimidate me or uses her wealth and supposed network.

She doesnt get im just not built that way. Im just .. breezy.

She actively tried to stop a co worker getting time off for sick leave when it was a serious issue. But she has no street smarts so now EVERYONE knows what she did. Because she literally said in front of the whole office 'I can't believe you are even considering this as sick leave '. OPENLY on the floor.

Also all she is doing is stressing herself out because her hair is falling out in chunks. Which im sorry about .. but seriously she needs to take care of herself and stop worrying about everyone else .. these men in suits DONT need her favours lady they are BIG BOYS sweetie stop stepping into the line of fire for people in tanks. Take some kelp dulaman or valerian root or cohash..

I would say she is a wine mom .. substances maybe prescribed. I know the youngest kid hates her. Or like she complains about him all the time. click to expand

I know exactly the type you mean. often Pisces/Aries/Cancer/Leo placements. I avoid like the plague but it's heartbreaking when they force themselves into relevance by somehow influencing others against you bc gossiping about younger cute women (even strangers) is their thang. the "company mom" lordt. they're so into the mom brand but let a man be around and they're talking about sex at length. now im being just as toxic but yeah I pretend these fucks don't exist. when I read about the Sylvia likens murder, Gertrude baniszewski's brain, such traits are common in these women. what they need is a timothee chalamet catfish to flirt with them and hype them up, give em some attention. perhaps chatgpt could be put to good use in that regard.

as pertains to the thread: if misbehavior is allowed to run rampant, then the workplace is probably toxic to the core. otherwise, problems solve themselves.

I believe that those who feel superior tend to repeat the same stories over and over. again unless it's some traumatic thing and they're mid-panic.

click to expand

So basically her mo is his.

She makes everything super dramatic. Uses super emotive language.

She is like the SPIRITUAL YOGA MAMA of the office but is really like micheal scott/david brent of the office.

Posted by Textosmoon
So there is a woman at work. She cries literally twice a week.

Everyone finds it really draining at this stage. The thing is she might be genuinely overly emotional .. but its still not appropriate... i think this now because i realized when i met her family I witnessed her teenage daughter cry over nothing about twice in the space of one hr. Which to me even for a teen is odd. So maybe that is how her family is? See the thing is ... she also exhausts herself with all these unnecessary emotions .. but then sometimes she switches it off like in a second which makes me think SOMETIMES SHE IS FAKING IT

I felt she was being manipulating and i looked like a bully for holding to a decision if i had to say no... etc.

I have some tips.

Firstly get out of the situation and avoid or ignore until she has calmed.

Secondly say things that neutralizes the emotion and encourages the person to use words rather than waterworks.

I say things like

'I know its hard but try to be brave.. '

'I know you are upset but try to explain it to us using words'

' I know you are feeling fragile but try to be strong and brave'

' I see you are in the wars and feeling upset don't worry I will beat the bullies off for you...you will find your brave voice some day.'

It allows me to not respond to her actions but deal with the situation without giving her more to cry about and getting her worked up more ... but doesn't reinforce the behaviour.

It happened in a meeting and the regional manager told me afterwards 'I really admire the way you handled that'.

the thing is .. i dont get why she doesnt realize its happening and pull it in... or ask to be excused to go to the ladies or something.

Like when I feel tears .. i blink them off and i try to calm down.. or ask to be excused ...

I mean everyone has to cry at sometime.. but like twice a week ALL THE TIME?? And nothing is going on?

I ALMOST cried in front of our boss ONCE .. but i held it .. and didn't let the tears fall .. but he noticed .. and then i apologized to him after saying i would try not to let it happen again.

He told me he respected me a lot more after that.

See im saying this because i wouldnt want people to think im cold... or i dont understand.

But if you were not raised in a home where you were told 'use your brave voice' you have to learn sometimes that there are some who will not be moved by tears.

This post definitely reads like it's from a Cap Moon lol, regardless of whether it's an Irish thing or not.

Composure is not an inherent thing for a lot of people. It's learned and practiced. If they are use to showing emotions to everyone, holding back urges to cry in any kind of environment may be foreign concepts to them.

Since we are on the topic of advice (you providing advice on handling these situations), I’d like to offer advice to you: Explore why it bothers you so much.

You came on here and wrote 3 essay-length posts about this one woman. Why? I’m not sure how long it took/takes you to write these long af posts, but do you really feel your time/energy is well invested focusing on this topic?

I often find when I have this strong of a reaction to something, it isn’t actually due to the other persons behavior, but rather something deep within myself that I’m refusing to acknowledge. I’ve found investing my energy in exploring those thoughts+feelings is much more valuable than focusing on trying to control who/what is stirring up those thoughts/feelings.

Posted by Whorpio
Since we are on the topic of advice (you providing advice on habdling these situations), I’d like to offer advice to you: Explore why it bothers you so much.

You came on here and wrote 3 essay-length posts about this one woman. Why?

I often find when I have this strong of a reaction to something, it isn’t actually due to the other persons behavior, but rather something deep within myself that I’m refusing to acknowledge.

I don't think she is open to advice

I just want to copy taste something relevant to the topic about how people can act identity mode vs instrumental mode in situations.

This woman is clearly switching to identity mode at work and it's annoying people. But you found a good way of engaging her at her identity mode first-where she is at when she is crying)- and gently pushing her to instrumental mode. Although she should learn this already.

Identity mode (or identity-based thinking) is emotion-driven, ego-centric, and focused on personal identification with a role or group, often leading to stagnation. Conversely, instrumental mode is goal-oriented, mission-driven, and focused on finding solutions, which is considered more effective for high performance and productivity.

Key Differences and Characteristics:

Identity Mode:

Focus: Personal expression, ego-centric, and how things affect "me".

Behavior: Can lead to a victim mentality, getting stuck, or taking things personally.

Examples: Identifying self-worth strictly with job title, students, or level.

Context: Used when expressing identification with a group.

Instrumental Mode:

Focus: Problem-solving, task completion, and achieving goals.

Behavior: Proactive, adaptable, and focused on learning rather than protecting ego.

Examples: Taking feedback constructively to improve the overall outcome, focusing on a mission rather thanpersonal discomfort.

Context: Related to resource mobilization and rational choice in social movements.

Reminds me of capricorn Male tactics. They just want pity. Ignore it, while pretending to appease them

It sounds like you're dealing with this situation really well, with good boundaries and heaps of compassion.

Posted by Wizardzzz

Posted by Whorpio
Since we are on the topic of advice (you providing advice on habdling these situations), I’d like to offer advice to you: Explore why it bothers you so much.

You came on here and wrote 3 essay-length posts about this one woman. Why?

I often find when I have this strong of a reaction to something, it isn’t actually due to the other persons behavior, but rather something deep within myself that I’m refusing to acknowledge.

I don't think she is open to advice

click to expand

I am very open to advice.

Posted by Wizardzzz

Posted by Whorpio
Since we are on the topic of advice (you providing advice on habdling these situations), I’d like to offer advice to you: Explore why it bothers you so much.

You came on here and wrote 3 essay-length posts about this one woman. Why?

I often find when I have this strong of a reaction to something, it isn’t actually due to the other persons behavior, but rather something deep within myself that I’m refusing to acknowledge.

I don't think she is open to advice

click to expand

I am very open to advice.

Posted by Polyannanana
I just want to copy taste something relevant to the topic about how people can act identity mode vs instrumental mode in situations.

This woman is clearly switching to identity mode at work and it's annoying people. But you found a good way of engaging her at her identity mode first-where she is at when she is crying)- and gently pushing her to instrumental mode. Although she should learn this already.

Identity mode (or identity-based thinking) is emotion-driven, ego-centric, and focused on personal identification with a role or group, often leading to stagnation. Conversely, instrumental mode is goal-oriented, mission-driven, and focused on finding solutions, which is considered more effective for high performance and productivity.

Key Differences and Characteristics:

Identity Mode:

Focus: Personal expression, ego-centric, and how things affect "me".

Behavior: Can lead to a victim mentality, getting stuck, or taking things personally.

Examples: Identifying self-worth strictly with job title, students, or level.

Context: Used when expressing identification with a group.

Instrumental Mode:

Focus: Problem-solving, task completion, and achieving goals.

Behavior: Proactive, adaptable, and focused on learning rather than protecting ego.

Examples: Taking feedback constructively to improve the overall outcome, focusing on a mission rather thanpersonal discomfort.

Context: Related to resource mobilization and rational choice in social movements.

This is an amazing post thank you I am actually going to take some notes on from this post. This is exactly what i was lookin for.

Posted by victoria-sakura

Posted by Textosmoon
So there is a woman at work. She cries literally twice a week.

Everyone finds it really draining at this stage. The thing is she might be genuinely overly emotional .. but its still not appropriate... i think this now because i realized when i met her family I witnessed her teenage daughter cry over nothing about twice in the space of one hr. Which to me even for a teen is odd. So maybe that is how her family is? See the thing is ... she also exhausts herself with all these unnecessary emotions .. but then sometimes she switches it off like in a second which makes me think SOMETIMES SHE IS FAKING IT

I felt she was being manipulating and i looked like a bully for holding to a decision if i had to say no... etc.

I have some tips.

Firstly get out of the situation and avoid or ignore until she has calmed.

Secondly say things that neutralizes the emotion and encourages the person to use words rather than waterworks.

I say things like

'I know its hard but try to be brave.. '

'I know you are upset but try to explain it to us using words'

' I know you are feeling fragile but try to be strong and brave'

' I see you are in the wars and feeling upset don't worry I will beat the bullies off for you...you will find your brave voice some day.'

It allows me to not respond to her actions but deal with the situation without giving her more to cry about and getting her worked up more ... but doesn't reinforce the behaviour.

It happened in a meeting and the regional manager told me afterwards 'I really admire the way you handled that'.

the thing is .. i dont get why she doesnt realize its happening and pull it in... or ask to be excused to go to the ladies or something.

Like when I feel tears .. i blink them off and i try to calm down.. or ask to be excused ...

I mean everyone has to cry at sometime.. but like twice a week ALL THE TIME?? And nothing is going on?

I ALMOST cried in front of our boss ONCE .. but i held it .. and didn't let the tears fall .. but he noticed .. and then i apologized to him after saying i would try not to let it happen again.

He told me he respected me a lot more after that.

See im saying this because i wouldnt want people to think im cold... or i dont understand.

But if you were not raised in a home where you were told 'use your brave voice' you have to learn sometimes that there are some who will not be moved by tears.

This post definitely reads like it's from a Cap Moon lol, regardless of whether it's an Irish thing or not.

Composure is not an inherent thing for a lot of people. It's learned and practiced. If they are use to showing emotions to everyone, holding back urges to cry in any kind of environment may be foreign concepts to them.

click to expand

actually in some class i took i was told that children who are not raised in homes with good emotional regulation might not learn that until later.

You can learn it through meditation and yoga.

I am going to do this .. breathing in my office etc and stretching... meditation 10 mins in the mornings..

I can't preach about being zen if i let things breach my zen

Anyway I should appreciate sensitive people more. Its probably my own lacking or issues that is so irked .. i dunno.

Posted by Polyannanana
I just want to copy taste something relevant to the topic about how people can act identity mode vs instrumental mode in situations.

This woman is clearly switching to identity mode at work and it's annoying people. But you found a good way of engaging her at her identity mode first-where she is at when she is crying)- and gently pushing her to instrumental mode. Although she should learn this already.

Identity mode (or identity-based thinking) is emotion-driven, ego-centric, and focused on personal identification with a role or group, often leading to stagnation. Conversely, instrumental mode is goal-oriented, mission-driven, and focused on finding solutions, which is considered more effective for high performance and productivity.

Key Differences and Characteristics:

Identity Mode:

Focus: Personal expression, ego-centric, and how things affect "me".

Behavior: Can lead to a victim mentality, getting stuck, or taking things personally.

Examples: Identifying self-worth strictly with job title, students, or level.

Context: Used when expressing identification with a group.

Instrumental Mode:

Focus: Problem-solving, task completion, and achieving goals.

Behavior: Proactive, adaptable, and focused on learning rather than protecting ego.

Examples: Taking feedback constructively to improve the overall outcome, focusing on a mission rather thanpersonal discomfort.

Context: Related to resource mobilization and rational choice in social movements.

I love this!! Thank you for providing some constructive background and feedback.

This explains how I would be feeling in OP’s shoes.

Perhaps a bit of discomfort at the co-worker behaving inappropriately for the environment and not behaving accordingly to the mode that is expected from her.

It would make me question her productivity and ability to handle the work.

I’m not sure how willing I would be to interact with her. I think I would observe her for a longer period of time and keep

my distance until I figure out if her crying really comes from an honest and fragile place or from an intent to manipulate others with exaggerated emotions.

Oh my gaaawd

So .. turns out she was just drunk and or high.

Im glad it wasn't in my head. But sorry for her. The last day I saw her she fell over. Then I didn't see her for like a week.

I just thought she was sick until a few days ago I heard she was in sobriety or something to that effect.

I feel a bit bad now because she was dealing with addiction which is a serious illness and I was bitching.

I actually think a lot better about her now I know. I don't think she was manipulating I think her illness made it a rollercoaster. I don't judge her.

Im just going to mind my own business now. Im glad i know though.

Posted by Textosmoon
Oh my gaaawd

So .. turns out she was just drunk and or high.

Im glad it wasn't in my head. But sorry for her. The last day I saw her she fell over. Then I didn't see her for like a week.

I just thought she was sick until a few days ago I heard she was in sobriety or something to that effect.

I feel a bit bad now because she was dealing with addiction which is a serious illness and I was bitching.

I actually think a lot better about her now I know. I don't think she was manipulating I think her illness made it a rollercoaster. I don't judge her.

Im just going to mind my own business now. Im glad i know though.

I hope she gets better soon.

Posted by Mare-E-Sole

Posted by Textosmoon
Oh my gaaawd

So .. turns out she was just drunk and or high.

Im glad it wasn't in my head. But sorry for her. The last day I saw her she fell over. Then I didn't see her for like a week.

I just thought she was sick until a few days ago I heard she was in sobriety or something to that effect.

I feel a bit bad now because she was dealing with addiction which is a serious illness and I was bitching.

I actually think a lot better about her now I know. I don't think she was manipulating I think her illness made it a rollercoaster. I don't judge her.

Im just going to mind my own business now. Im glad i know though.

I hope she gets better soon.

click to expand

Me too i feel bad now.