Mid Life Crises

We all hear about men around mid-40s and up going through a mid life crisis. They go out and buy some expensive toy, or the car/truck they've always wanted, etc. Do women go through a mid life crisis? How do they handle it? Could this be the cougar mentality? Do women buy expensive toys as well? Do they slow down and just enjoy life?

So men and women: Have you gone through a mid life crisis? How did you handle it? Do you know someone who has and how did they handle it?

I realize most of you are too young to understand or to have experienced this phenomenon, but I'm sure you know people who have, so your opinions are welcome, too.

I'm a Cap male so I had my mid-life crisis at 23.

🙂

It's quite shocking to wake up one day in your mid 40s and realize that half of your life is gone. To realize the things you've always wanted to do and never done. To realize the things you've always dreamed about having, you don't have. You start to look at the accomplishments you've made in your life and wonder were they good enough and what more do you want to do? You try to pinpoint the differences you've made and start thinking about how many more you want to make. You realize your health issues as your body isn't what it used to be. Have you gotten older physically or mentally? What can you do or change to live longer.

I'm not sure if I'm at that midlife crisis point yet, but so far, for me, I think I just want to slow down and stop trying to climb the career ladder. I am happy with where I've gotten career wise and now I just want to live, laugh, love and begin to just enjoy life. My kids are realitively grown (my youngest is 17 now) and I'm ready to slow down and smell the roses. Ready to play more and have more fun. I want to cherish every moment to come as I've realized the years left are all downhill now.

I'm not trying to be depressing. I'm actually happy about all this.

Thought it could be a good discussion.

Posted by CapTenn
I'm a Cap male so I had my mid-life crisis at 23.

🙂

Lol!!!

I've only seen it in movies 😄

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
....all propaganda and societal conditioning.

+1

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry

Posted by tiziani

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
nope, and I think they are a crock of shit.

You don't believe in the second Saturn return?

I do, but I don't believe that's a "midlife" crisis as Truecap my be defining it.

Divorcing....buying expensive toys....viagra......breast implants.....becoming a cougar.......crazy behaviour because you are afraid you "missed out" or are paranoid about aging.....

....all propaganda and societal conditioning.

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Good for you elle. Maybe you have already accomplished everything you've ever wanted to do. 🙂

Surely we see it every day. 50-60 year old men driving around in muscle cars, buying sail boats, 4-wheelers, going on safari, running around acting like teenagers.

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry

Posted by Theatrum
I've only seen it in movies 😄

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
....all propaganda and societal conditioning.

+1

American movies, I'm sure 😛

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Positive.

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
It's a mindset, Truecap.

I refuse to have that mindset.

I could die today and have zero regrets.

I have everything I need with me every day. I don't want for nothing.

I want to do something, I do it. I don't wait.

It's not necessarily a bad mindset. It's not a sad or pathetic thing at all. It's like a reminder to your mind to get things in gear. You've worked hard for 30-40 years, now is the time to spend the money on fun. To buy what you've always put off buying. Making a difference while you still can.

You just realize you don't have as much time left, so you better get your act in gear if there's anything else you want to do or accomplish.

Posted by truecap
Surely we see it every day. 50-60 year old men driving around in muscle cars, buying sail boats, 4-wheelers, going on safari, running around acting like teenagers.

That could be anyone with a buttload of money that they didn't earn themselves, regardless of age. imo. You've only seen older men acting like that?

Posted by Theatrum
I've only seen it in movies 😄

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
....all propaganda and societal conditioning.

+1

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Well, you're not even old enough to pay attention to anything that doesn't affect you.

No offense intended, but you're 19 years old. It goes with your age group.

Posted by Theatrum

Posted by truecap
Surely we see it every day. 50-60 year old men driving around in muscle cars, buying sail boats, 4-wheelers, going on safari, running around acting like teenagers.

That could be anyone with a buttload of money that they didn't earn themselves, regardless of age. imo. You've only seen older men acting like that?

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Of course other people do that. And who says they didn't earn the money themselves.
You don't get the concept of the point I'm trying to make.

Posted by truecap
It's quite shocking to wake up one day in your mid 40s and realize that half of your life is gone. To realize the things you've always wanted to do and never done. To realize the things you've always dreamed about having, you don't have. You start to look at the accomplishments you've made in your life and wonder were they good enough and what more do you want to do? You try to pinpoint the differences you've made and start thinking about how many more you want to make. You realize your health issues as your body isn't what it used to be. Have you gotten older physically or mentally? What can you do or change to live longer.

I'm not sure if I'm at that midlife crisis point yet, but so far, for me, I think I just want to slow down and stop trying to climb the career ladder. I am happy with where I've gotten career wise and now I just want to live, laugh, love and begin to just enjoy life. My kids are realitively grown (my youngest is 17 now) and I'm ready to slow down and smell the roses. Ready to play more and have more fun. I want to cherish every moment to come as I've realized the years left are all downhill now.

I'm not trying to be depressing. I'm actually happy about all this.

Thought it could be a good discussion.

I'm knocking at the door of 40 and I'm basically where you are now.

My delusions of grandeur, and hopes of setting the world on fire, have long since passed.

I'm just a Joe 6-Pack, and have accepted that I always will be.

If I can get my 2 boys raised, and they turn out to be upstanding members of society, and can carve out happy, satisfying lives for themselves, I'll consider that my greatest accomplishment, and I can die a happy man.

That sounds like the opposite of a mid-life crisis, right? And instead, acceptance?

Whatever it is, I'm mostly at peace with it.

Posted by truecap

Posted by Theatrum
I've only seen it in movies 😄

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
....all propaganda and societal conditioning.

+1

Well, you're not even old enough to pay attention to anything that doesn't affect you.

No offense intended, but you're 19 years old. It goes with your age group.

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You're stereotyping, not that stereotypes don't exist for a reason, but still. I wouldn't have commented on this thread at all if I didn't ponder about the subject before. I'm around older people most of my time and I've never seen it. That's just my experience.

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry

Posted by truecap

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
It's a mindset, Truecap.

I refuse to have that mindset.

I could die today and have zero regrets.

I have everything I need with me every day. I don't want for nothing.

I want to do something, I do it. I don't wait.

It's not necessarily a bad mindset. It's not a sad or pathetic thing at all. It's like a reminder to your mind to get things in gear. You've worked hard for 30-40 years, now is the time to spend the money on fun. To buy what you've always put off buying. Making a difference while you still can.

You just realize you don't have as much time left, so you better get your act in gear if there's anything else you want to do or accomplish.

I didn't say it was pathetic or sad, I just said I can't relate. 🙂

As far as the "things" and spending money.....I can't relate either. That might be your cap bits.

I don't see things relative to time either.

It took forever for 40 to get here.....it will take just as long for 80 to arrive as well. 😄

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Sounds like you're happy with your accomplishments and the differences you've made. So that's great for you.

I'm not trying to convince you that you should be feeling a mid life crisis. Nothing like that. But don't knock people that do or have. I just feel like you're just wanting to argue against them. No big deal if you've not felt like you've gone through one or ever will. Just be respectful of those that have.

I was just curious if anyone had and what it was like for them.

Posted by Lucciferi

Posted by truecap
Surely we see it every day. 50-60 year old men driving around in muscle cars, buying sail boats, 4-wheelers, going on safari, running around acting like teenagers.

I wouldn't count any of this stuff as part of a midlife crises. Are older men not allowed to have these things, or what if they've done them their entire life?

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You don't get the point either.

Some men who have put off buying the car they really want for whatever reason (family, economical) all of a sudden realize if they don't get it now they never will. Nothing wrong with it.

Posted by Theatrum

Posted by truecap

Posted by Theatrum
I've only seen it in movies 😄

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
....all propaganda and societal conditioning.

+1

Well, you're not even old enough to pay attention to anything that doesn't affect you.

No offense intended, but you're 19 years old. It goes with your age group.

You're stereotyping, not that stereotypes don't exist for a reason, but still. I wouldn't have commented on this thread at all if I didn't ponder about the subject before. I'm around older people most of my time and I've never seen it. That's just my experience.

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Ok. That's fair.

this "mid-life crisis" idea is dumb.
Men in their 40s+ buy nice toys because they have better salaries than in their 20s, that's all.

Posted by CapTenn

Posted by truecap
It's quite shocking to wake up one day in your mid 40s and realize that half of your life is gone. To realize the things you've always wanted to do and never done. To realize the things you've always dreamed about having, you don't have. You start to look at the accomplishments you've made in your life and wonder were they good enough and what more do you want to do? You try to pinpoint the differences you've made and start thinking about how many more you want to make. You realize your health issues as your body isn't what it used to be. Have you gotten older physically or mentally? What can you do or change to live longer.

I'm not sure if I'm at that midlife crisis point yet, but so far, for me, I think I just want to slow down and stop trying to climb the career ladder. I am happy with where I've gotten career wise and now I just want to live, laugh, love and begin to just enjoy life. My kids are realitively grown (my youngest is 17 now) and I'm ready to slow down and smell the roses. Ready to play more and have more fun. I want to cherish every moment to come as I've realized the years left are all downhill now.

I'm not trying to be depressing. I'm actually happy about all this.

Thought it could be a good discussion.

I'm knocking at the door of 40 and I'm basically where you are now.

My delusions of grandeur, and hopes of setting the world on fire, have long since passed.

I'm just a Joe 6-Pack, and have accepted that I always will be.

If I can get my 2 boys raised, and they turn out to be upstanding members of society, and can carve out happy, satisfying lives for themselves, I'll consider that my greatest accomplishment, and I can die a happy man.

That sounds like the opposite of a mid-life crisis, right? And instead, acceptance?

Whatever it is, I'm mostly at peace with it.

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I think before our kids are grown, we are so busy in the day to day world of raising them. You may not experience it for another ten years. Then they're grown, we've established career, we wake up and think "what now?". "What's next?".

It's a time of reflexion.

Posted by hydorah
this "mid-life crisis" idea is dumb.
Men in their 40s+ buy nice toys because they have better salaries than in their 20s, that's all.

Maybe it hits closer to 50. ??

I do believe people start reflecting and thinking at one point. It probably hits everyone at some point. It may not be noticeable. But to think you're on the downhill climb of life is pretty eye awakening.

also the mortgage gets paid

Posted by M

Posted by truecap
We all hear about men around mid-40s and up going through a mid life crisis. They go out and buy some expensive toy, or the car/truck they've always wanted, etc. Do women go through a mid life crisis? How do they handle it? Could this be the cougar mentality? Do women buy expensive toys as well? Do they slow down and just enjoy life?

So men and women: Have you gone through a mid life crisis? How did you handle it? Do you know someone who has and how did they handle it?

I realize most of you are too young to understand or to have experienced this phenomenon, but I'm sure you know people who have, so your opinions are welcome, too.

The "mid-life" stems from events people are facing in that part of life, so really this could strike at any point based on circumstance. I don't put stock in the phenomenon. Though plenty use it as an excuse to splurge in the name of life effacement :p

As for handling it, I only knew details for an Aries. He didn't have a lot of options for dealing with/letting it run it's course, aside from resignation. It made him unpredictable and sometimes hostile. Sometimes I think a few family members may have had them...but from my POV it was more overreacting than a phase.

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It's quite sobering to realize your life is likely more than half over.

My parents began experiencing it when their lifelong friends were dying of natural causes. Woke them up to the fact that they better get it in gear if there is anything they want to do.

Posted by hydorah
also the mortgage gets paid

Yeah, that too! lol!

Posted by truecap

Posted by M

Posted by truecap
We all hear about men around mid-40s and up going through a mid life crisis. They go out and buy some expensive toy, or the car/truck they've always wanted, etc. Do women go through a mid life crisis? How do they handle it? Could this be the cougar mentality? Do women buy expensive toys as well? Do they slow down and just enjoy life?

So men and women: Have you gone through a mid life crisis? How did you handle it? Do you know someone who has and how did they handle it?

I realize most of you are too young to understand or to have experienced this phenomenon, but I'm sure you know people who have, so your opinions are welcome, too.

The "mid-life" stems from events people are facing in that part of life, so really this could strike at any point based on circumstance. I don't put stock in the phenomenon. Though plenty use it as an excuse to splurge in the name of life effacement :p

As for handling it, I only knew details for an Aries. He didn't have a lot of options for dealing with/letting it run it's course, aside from resignation. It made him unpredictable and sometimes hostile. Sometimes I think a few family members may have had them...but from my POV it was more overreacting than a phase.

It's quite sobering to realize your life is likely more than half over.

My parents began experiencing it when their lifelong friends were dying of natural causes. Woke them up to the fact that they better get it in gear if there is anything they want to do.

click to expand

So to keep it from being a pessimistic, glass is half empty thing, most people sober up, get it in gear and start enjoying life more - as in I've got 20 or so years left and I'm going to make the most of them. Party on! Travel, splurge, get the convertible corvette before my eyes get so bad I can't drive anymore...

In that way, it's a good thing!!

Posted by M

Posted by truecap

Posted by Lucciferi

Posted by truecap
Surely we see it every day. 50-60 year old men driving around in muscle cars, buying sail boats, 4-wheelers, going on safari, running around acting like teenagers.

I wouldn't count any of this stuff as part of a midlife crises. Are older men not allowed to have these things, or what if they've done them their entire life?

You don't get the point either.

Some men who have put off buying the car they really want for whatever reason (family, economical) all of a sudden realize if they don't get it now they never will. Nothing wrong with it.

And the "If not now then..." could be anything. Agreed.
But he go out and buy anything, that's just manifestation and not the trigger/crisis. I think you're just wanting feedback on the classic scenario, so I'll shut up. 😉

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I'm just curious if anyone has experienced it or known someone who has.
I didn't want to argue whether it existed or not. lol!

Enjoying the viewpoints, though. Not everyone experiences it. Some experience it differently. For some, it is only a mindset, for some it is reality, some just ignore it, some get depressed by it, some make the most of it, some see it as freedom to do what they want since they no longer have responsibilities and can afford it. And so on.

I would choose to make the most out of it.

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry

Posted by truecap
I didn't say it was pathetic or sad, I just said I can't relate. 🙂

As far as the "things" and spending money.....I can't relate either. That might be your cap bits.

I don't see things relative to time either.

It took forever for 40 to get here.....it will take just as long for 80 to arrive as well. 😄

Sounds like you're happy with your accomplishments and the differences you've made. So that's great for you.

I'm not trying to convince you that you should be feeling a mid life crisis. Nothing like that. But don't knock people that do or have. I just feel like you're just wanting to argue against them. No big deal if you've not felt like you've gone through one or ever will. Just be respectful of those that have.

I was just curious if anyone had and what it was like for them.

wait? what?

I'm not "knocking" anyone nor am I arguing. You asked for an opinion and I gave mine.

Do you want me to say it's pathetic and sad? I won't do that. You are basically putting words in my mouth and discrediting my own opinion because it doesn't fall in line with yours.

Like I said before....societal conditioning and propaganda.

It seems those who don't experience this "trend" are the weird ones.

whatever.



I thought you were trying to say it didn't exist at all that it was made up by society and psychologists. It just sounded really flippant and argumentativ to me instead of a discussion tone. I apologize if I took it wrong.

But it does exist for some people. For some people it doesn't. I was curious to discuss with those it did affect. Regardless, I do appreciate your opinion.

I've witnessed this from my dad's side of the family more so. In a twisted way. Dad's side of the family has always been the proud, rich, 'educated', religious type. That old school ideal of getting a degree, marrying early, kids and what not.

(I obviously hated it, and I wonder why I was kicked out of the family lol)

But speaking with a few of them now seems like the lads of the family hitting that age are for lack of better word becoming womanisers, some have even divorced and god knows where they are now. One of my uncles went bankrupt from it, the other is apparently in Dubai somewhere.

Can't say for certain it's a mid-life crisis but eh it fits the description. I just thought they waited way too long to break from the strict traditions... waaaay too long, to the point they are fucking up their own families but that's not my concern.

Dad on the other hand is more focused, but like me he's a bit of a rebel as a kid. I almost want to think there's this opposite effect. If you grow up being so sheltered you'll want to break out, and if you did rebel young you tend to be more well rounded whenever that magical age hit.

Posted by CapTenn

If I can get my 2 boys raised, and they turn out to be upstanding members of society, and can carve out happy, satisfying lives for themselves, I'll consider that my greatest accomplishment, and I can die a happy man.

Bravo to you for thinking this way!! It really *IS* a very big and important accomplishment in life. You didn't just propagate, you made sure that your progeny will be good upstanding citizens of the world.

Posted by SpiceNSugar

Posted by CapTenn

If I can get my 2 boys raised, and they turn out to be upstanding members of society, and can carve out happy, satisfying lives for themselves, I'll consider that my greatest accomplishment, and I can die a happy man.

Bravo to you for thinking this way!! It really *IS* a very big and important accomplishment in life. You didn't just propagate, you made sure that your progeny will be good upstanding citizens of the world.

click to expand

Thanks SNS.

Posted by certified
If u get alot of stuff outta your system during your 20s, its prolly less likely. The older I get the more "boring" seems ok with me.

Yep.....

Boring IS nice. lol!

Sitting on the porch with a glass of wine and good company and good conversation is what I enjoy.

Posted by aquasnoz
I've witnessed this from my dad's side of the family more so. In a twisted way. Dad's side of the family has always been the proud, rich, 'educated', religious type. That old school ideal of getting a degree, marrying early, kids and what not.

(I obviously hated it, and I wonder why I was kicked out of the family lol)

But speaking with a few of them now seems like the lads of the family hitting that age are for lack of better word becoming womanisers, some have even divorced and god knows where they are now. One of my uncles went bankrupt from it, the other is apparently in Dubai somewhere.

Can't say for certain it's a mid-life crisis but eh it fits the description. I just thought they waited way too long to break from the strict traditions... waaaay too long, to the point they are fucking up their own families but that's not my concern.

Dad on the other hand is more focused, but like me he's a bit of a rebel as a kid. I almost want to think there's this opposite effect. If you grow up being so sheltered you'll want to break out, and if you did rebel young you tend to be more well rounded whenever that magical age hit.

Guess they had enough of the structured life and started wondering what was the point.

Posted by starlover
I believe in it

Have witnessed it in quite a few men ~ panic when they get older and start driving sports cars and start chasing young women


They may refer to it as *taking stock*


🙂

60 year old men look kind of silly with a 25 year old girl attached to their arm. But I guess they need to feel like "they still got it".

Crisis...or "second spring?" For those who raised children, the empty nest syndrome (or the anticipation of it) could be held responsible.

When children are gone.......you stop playing a role model. Spend your money on what you want. Discover that you and your SO don't have much in common any longer.

For the childless........age is just a number, believe me.

Posted by Undine
Crisis...or "second spring?" For those who raised children, the empty nest syndrome (or the anticipation of it) could be held responsible.

When children are gone.......you stop playing a role model. Spend your money on what you want. Discover that you and your SO don't have much in common any longer.

For the childless........age is just a number, believe me.

*silently acknowledges*

*pours another glass of wine*

Posted by tiziani
Those two scenarious sound like more or less the same fate 😛

lmao! Dubai needs some loving! Land has much lube for us all.

Posted by truecap
Guess they had enough of the structured life and started wondering what was the point.

That's why I don't understand the mentality. You can screw up when you're younger, learn the ropes and all that. I can see how enticing it might be later on... maybe just be... carefully reckless?

Posted by Undine
Crisis...or "second spring?" For those who raised children, the empty nest syndrome (or the anticipation of it) could be held responsible.

When children are gone.......you stop playing a role model. Spend your money on what you want. Discover that you and your SO don't have much in common any longer.

For the childless........age is just a number, believe me.

Good point. I haven't really considered the empty nest factor contributing. I suppose it really does tie in. 'I've raised my children. Now what?'

Just got a vision of the movie Failure to Launch - Mom is bored with dad and wants the son to move back in, meanwhile Terry Bradshaw had turned the son's room into a "naked" room.

Posted by aquasnoz

Posted by truecap
Guess they had enough of the structured life and started wondering what was the point.

That's why I don't understand the mentality. You can screw up when you're younger, learn the ropes and all that. I can see how enticing it might be later on... maybe just be... carefully reckless?

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I suppose when they were young, maybe they just accepted (or settled for) the expectations and responsibilities. Then at mid life they wanted to finally start living. —?

I bought the convertible I always wanted last year, I turned 43 this year. Not sure if it's a mid life crises thing but it was defiantly a bucket list thing. That is something that I have started doing in the past 5 years or so- the bucket list.

There are many things I didn't do when younger, fear held me back is the best way to explain it, now that I am older and wiser, fear is not so much a factor. I try to live my life to the fullest since who knows what tomorrow will bring. I don't want to be 80- 90 and look back and say, why did I never do this or that.

I do not look nor feel in my 40's, what does that feel like anyway? lol I still think i'm a teen 😛

Actually, I think it's a lot of things combined. You're all touching on good points.

Hormonal? hmmmm....old women running around in bikini's - that could be a result of hot flashes!! lol!!!

Just kidding. It very well could be the change in estrogen and testosterone.

The bucket list, I think, goes along with the mid life realization that if you don't get it done now while you still can, then you might not ever do those things.

Posted by truecap
Actually, I think it's a lot of things combined. You're all touching on good points.

Hormonal? hmmmm....old women running around in bikini's - that could be a result of hot flashes!! lol!!!

Just kidding. It very well could be the change in estrogen and testosterone.

The bucket list, I think, goes along with the mid life realization that if you don't get it done now while you still can, then you might not ever do those things.

Exactly that! I can pinpoint it to 4 years ago.. 2010 is when my mind set changed. I was 39....

I do wonder if hormones play a role, never really considered that.