Since my account is invisible..

I will just write my nagging thoughts here.

I am totally relieved for the miscarriage and for this month's menstrual period. I swear to god i'm not ready to have a child.

However, i do really think i should get on it since im close to 34 yo now, im getting too old to conceive a child. He wants kids.. i know i disappointed him big time with the miscarriage (i smoked heavily during pregnancy which likely is to be the cause of the miscarriage), but i cant lie, i was so happy to get it.

But i dont think i can keep holding it off anymore.. we need to build a family.

A heavy smoker in premenopause...? Your chances to "build a family" are getting slimmer by the day.

Make up your mind if you want to breed or not. If yes, never ever smoke during a pregnancy. You may as well start quitting now.

Please don't....

I never understood how people could smoke in pregnancy....?

Posted by LethalFantasia

Don't do it unless you want a family for the right reasons

Wise

You

😘

Posted by Victorious

Posted by MyStarsShine

Please don't....

I agree, some people shouldn't have kids.

You don't really want them and you wouldn't be a good mother either.

You smoking throughout the pregnancy says it all.

click to expand

Amen to that. It makes me cringe when I hear women say they feel the need to get pregnant because of their age.

It's a forever job.....please don't take it lightly

Posted by Sonia1

Since you're old enough to know better...

I'll still tell you that

you're selfish and irresponsible. Use protection.

Wise advice ma'am

👍

And i thought my account was invisible..

Guess I am back on dxp now.

Thanks for your feedback, guys.

Don't have kids because it's your so called duty. Have them if you really want to. Your body, your symptoms. Don't think about him being disappointed. Be honest with yourself. One can easily tell you really aren't ready. So don't rush. It could lead to resentment.

Wow- have any of you that are shaming her ever lost a child to a miscarriage or lost a child period?

I can guarantee she already feels shame, guilt and blames herself without others adding to it.

Yes smoking or drinking or doing many things is not a good idea while pregnant, but you can do everything right and STILL lose a baby.

I really hate dxp some days, show some respect.

Sorry you lost the baby 😔

Posted by Black-Mamba

Posted by justagirl

Wow- have any of you that are shaming her ever lost a child to a miscarriage or lost a child period?

I can guarantee she already feels shame, guilt and blames herself without others adding to it.

Yes smoking or drinking or doing many things is not a good idea while pregnant, but you can do everything right and STILL lose a baby.

I really hate dxp some days, show some respect.

Sorry you lost the baby 😔

She did it on purpose

click to expand

That's not what she said.

@macdaddyinfinite

Since that’s who you really posted this for

Posted by justagirl

Wow- have any of you that are shaming her ever lost a child to a miscarriage or lost a child period?

I can guarantee she already feels shame, guilt and blames herself without others adding to it.

Yes smoking or drinking or doing many things is not a good idea while pregnant, but you can do everything right and STILL lose a baby.

I really hate dxp some days, show some respect.

Sorry you lost the baby 😔

Thanks for your condolonces..

But i admit it is because my selfish and immature state of being that caused the miscarriage.

I was not up to it. It happened too fast. Even the marriage too with him (we got married after finding out i was preggo, although he sincerely wants to marry me to begin with). In less than a year of our relationship, everything went too fast for me. Him not having visa and struggling financially here, and marriage stressed the hell outta me. In less than 3 months time, everything changed drastically.

By the time we found out the miscarriage, i blurted out, "you know.. if we'd known that i will be miscarriage, we hadn't gotten married this soon." And he got pissed off saying, "shut up."

Soon as we had sex again regularly, one night by the time i thought he came again inside me, i broke off getting all bitchy toward him yelling how i am not ready to get pregnant, he started saying how i have been lying for letting him believe that i loved him. How even though we are married, he didn't feel he has a right to have anything with my body and thinking of letting go of his wishes to have kids with me.. i was like, i am just not ready! That everything happened too fast..

But we are okay now...

Those what he had said though got to my mind. And i am thinking right now to really get serious with him and be brave for all the commitments.

Mostly because we are both, especially him struggling to survive in this new phase we are having..

It's not that i dont want things to happen..

But it all just happen too fast.

We love each other though... i sincerely love him and i do start to think about having kids with him indeed and truly be a wife for him.

People with certain mental disorders probably shouldn't have kids anyway

Posted by ClairDeLune

Posted by FurtherMovement

Posted by justagirl

Wow- have any of you that are shaming her ever lost a child to a miscarriage or lost a child period?

I can guarantee she already feels shame, guilt and blames herself without others adding to it.

Yes smoking or drinking or doing many things is not a good idea while pregnant, but you can do everything right and STILL lose a baby.

I really hate dxp some days, show some respect.

Sorry you lost the baby 😔

Thanks for your condolonces..

But i admit it is because my selfish and immature state of being that caused the miscarriage.

I was not up to it. It happened too fast. Even the marriage too with him (we got married after finding out i was preggo, although he sincerely wants to marry me to begin with). In less than a year of our relationship, everything went too fast for me. Him not having visa and struggling financially here, and marriage stressed the hell outta me. In less than 3 months time, everything changed drastically.

By the time we found out the miscarriage, i blurted out, "you know.. if we'd known that i will be miscarriage, we hadn't gotten married this soon." And he got pissed off saying, "shut up."

Soon as we had sex again regularly, one night by the time i thought he came again inside me, i broke off getting all bitchy toward him yelling how i am not ready to get pregnant, he started saying how i have been lying for letting him believe that i loved him. How even though we are married, he didn't feel he has a right to have anything with my body and thinking of letting go of his wishes to have kids with me.. i was like, i am just not ready! That everything happened too fast..

But we are okay now...

Those what he had said though got to my mind. And i am thinking right now to really get serious with him and be brave for all the commitments.

Mostly because we are both, especially him struggling to survive in this new phase we are having..

It's not that i dont want things to happen..

But it all just happen too fast.

We love each other though... i sincerely love him and i do start to think about having kids with him indeed and truly be a wife for him.

That all does sound rushed, why not just slow down for a bit and enjoy the marriage first?

click to expand

That's what i want. At least for a year.

Posted by thinktankPisces

Posted by enfant_terrible

People with certain mental disorders probably shouldn't have kids anyway

Logically it depend on the type of "mental disorder".

Is it dangerous or not.

Not all mental disorder are dangerous.

click to expand

Hence "people with CERTAIN mental disorders"

I'm standing behind what I said. If you have not experienced something like this, you will not understand how grief in this situation works. Mothers blame themselves when a miscarriage happens and yea maybe she is relieved because of everything else going on. Saying you are relieved is NOT the same thing as saying you wanted it to happen.

Yes I am personalizing this. I have had a miscarriage and then later lost my baby when she was born, I blamed myself for YEARS and never even spoke about it due to the very few times I did I got blamed for it. I'm just saying to show a bit of compassion, post partum is real even when you miscarry.

Posted by MacDaddyInfinite

Posted by justagirl

Wow- have any of you that are shaming her ever lost a child to a miscarriage or lost a child period?

I can guarantee she already feels shame, guilt and blames herself without others adding to it.

To be frankly honest, I could care less to shame her because I don't even think a miscarriage happening is that bad of a thing. It's no different than abortion.

But I think it's ridiculous as hell to try and twist this kind of situation around and say it's not her fault and make her seem like a victim. That's the completely wrong way to take this situation.

Like you couldn't get more bluntly of a "Yeah she most definitely killed the baby." than this situation. Just don't do it. Don't do the dumb oversensitive feminine emotionalization. Just don't.

click to expand

Miscarriage isn't that bad of a thing until you have one and hoped down the line you'd give birth to a healthy baby 💙

It's still a form of loss that needs to be grieved

I had one......

Posted by MacDaddyInfinite

Posted by brianafay

macdaddyinfinite

Since that’s who you really posted this for

You're trying too hard. Since the breakup she hasn't even remotely acted like it's phased her at all. Shrug.

click to expand

No she’s trying too hard 😂

You mean to tell me you didn’t see this post and roll your eyes because you knew she wanted you specifically to see it??

Posted by MacDaddyInfinite

Posted by brianafay

No she’s trying too hard 😂

You mean to tell me you didn’t see this post and roll your eyes because you knew she wanted you specifically to see it??

Actually you may have a point. Now that I think about it.

This story is a bit, extensive. So she gave up her virginity, had sex, got pregnant, and miscarriaged by smoking? As a Muslim who was bent on marriage before sex, etc?

She COULD be making it up to get a reaction out of me. But at the same time, I wouldn't be surprised she was telling the truth.

So. It's whatever. But this would be the exact wrong way to get my attention. I know that much.

click to expand

Of course, duh. I shared all of these stories just to get your attention.

I mean, why else?