How many of y'all "test" your SO in a relationship? Like testing their level of commitment. Do you attempt to break up with them and see what their reaction is? Are you expecting them to beg you not to do this?
Testing
No, no and no...
And he's dreaming if he tries that squaddlepop on meh I tell ya.
I'm interested in other perspectives tho *follows topic*
And he's dreaming if he tries that squaddlepop on meh I tell ya.
I'm interested in other perspectives tho *follows topic*
Posted by wagtailExactly.
No, no and no...
And he's dreaming if he tries that squaddlepop on meh I tell ya.
I'm interested in other perspectives tho *follows topic*
Posted by tizianiMaybe 20% ?
Good luck getting honest responses.
Posted by tizianiI'm trying to be optimistic here tiz. Shit, I just realized I hadn't had my coffee yet. Be back in 30.Posted by SssupesI'd shoot for 10%Posted by tizianiMaybe 20% ?
Good luck getting honest responses.
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If you truly care/love about your SO, you wouldn't put them through that. Yes it's fake, but the memory of it would be very real and it can cause irrepairable damage in the longrun.
Stupid primitives.
Stupid primitives.
I like teasing more than testing.
Let's just say I don't like oblivious people nor overly state what's manifest albeit not said.
Posted by MIIeFiskYep
As someone who has been on the receiving end of this breakup m̶a̶n̶i̶p̶u̶l̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ "testing," anyone above the age of 25 shouldnt be doing that shit. It's petty, desperate and emotionally immature as fucking fuck.
Posted by MIIeFiskIt's basically just the difference between immature people and not, the first test/manipulate while the second don't.
As someone who has been on the receiving end of this breakup m̶a̶n̶i̶p̶u̶l̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ "testing," anyone above the age of 25 shouldnt be doing that shit. It's petty, desperate and emotionally immature as fucking fuck.
Not much to be added to this topic, we all know we shouldn't.
If you try to test person you're already showing your own insecurity. Never test good people. They are like mercury. They'll not break when hit. They'll just disappear from your life silently. Love this quote.
I'd rather kill myself than do it to the man I love.
Posted by rakacLove this quote!
If you try to test person you're already showing your own insecurity. Never test good people. They are like mercury. They'll not break when hit. They'll just disappear from your life silently. Love this quote.
I so agree with this, someone did this to me and I turned around and said ok and walked away,(I have pride, I'm not begging you) he couldn't believe it and like 2 weeks later started begging me back, I had no idea it was a test, I mean who would do that to someone - anyway long story longer, damage was done, I was afraid that's how he dealt with conflict and his insecurities- it was always in the back of my mind.
Posted by MIIeFiskIt's quite the struggle in my case, because I like the ones that are in between testing and non-testing, the hard to get type that doesn't actually play hard to get...Posted by PalerioAbsolutely. But there might be some people who use this tactic as rite of passage in every relationship to gauge the "strength" and level of commitment. Usually the ones who have trust issues they have never fully addressed, and that spans all age range. It's quite tragic.Posted by MIIeFiskIt's basically just the difference between immature people and not, the first test/manipulate while the second don't.
As someone who has been on the receiving end of this breakup m̶a̶n̶i̶p̶u̶l̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ "testing," anyone above the age of 25 shouldnt be doing that shit. It's petty, desperate and emotionally immature as fucking fuck.click to expand
Fine line.
Posted by TaurusinTexasThat's exactly what I said. Nothing more than ok. She immediately changed her tune.Posted by rakacLove this quote!
If you try to test person you're already showing your own insecurity. Never test good people. They are like mercury. They'll not break when hit. They'll just disappear from your life silently. Love this quote.
I so agree with this, someone did this to me and I turned around and said ok and walked away,(I have pride, I'm not begging you) he couldn't believe it and like 2 weeks later started begging me back, I had no idea it was a test, I mean who would do that to someone - anyway long story longer, damage was done, I was afraid that's how he dealt with conflict and his insecurities- it was always in the back of my mind.click to expand
I did this to someone as well. It didn't work out with desireable results.
Posted by NemiliciousBad things happen to everyone doesn't matter you're good bad or something else. If a person tests you he doesn't deserve you in my option as simple as that, you either trust a person or you don't, you don't have to prove anything to anyone, it's just the mindset, people make people believe you must do this ir that, responsibility of some sorts, the truth is you don't have to do anything for anyone.Everyone can do everything, but there will always be some kind of outcome and consequences, were not test objects, we don't need to be tested, each person is different and reactions would be different, i can't imagine how insecure you have to be to test the person you love or care about, not my cup of tea, life is only 10% of what happens to us and 90% how we react on it.People who have some kind of goal in life, dream they are reaching and are investing in themselves def wouldn't have time for shit like this, for testing and for doing the test, you're either with these people or you're not, everyone's different and thats my option, you know what successful person said when he was asked what's the most important thing you reached in your entire life? He smiled and replied: the bottom, bad things are not that bad, they make you grow, they make you learn, they make you realise something, that's how i see things, you might see them differently, each person is different like i said, you don't like it, good for you! 😄 have a nice dayPosted by rakaci dislike this quote very much. "good" people yeah? and while we are at; also "why do bad things happen to good people" it is a very short sighted view imo.
If you try to test person you're already showing your own insecurity. Never test good people. They are like mercury. They'll not break when hit. They'll just disappear from your life silently. Love this quote.
it is never that simple.
however; i do agree that a well rounded; overall mature person with good intentions will neither manipulate nor be susceptible to it. but even so; everybody has their limits.
as far as the topic itself; when i have broken up i always meant it. how the receiving end perceived my decision is beyond my control. also; there are certain triggers that only manifest when a certain pairing takes place.
only one person so far has been able to trick and manipulate me to a level where you have to start asking yourself certain questions. actually; it does have some comedic value.
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No, I don't play those kinds of games, but I take relationships pretty seriously. I won't talk about breaking up unless I mean it. I think using it to manipulate a person is a weak ploy, and it corrodes the relationship the more it's done.
i dont respond to emotional manipulation. i ghost
and i wont do it to someone i actually care about, only to strangers 🙂
and i wont do it to someone i actually care about, only to strangers 🙂
All the responses have me curious.. which is worse to you all? Intentional testing, or subconscious testing?
The first reeks of manipulation, but the second screams "I'm not self aware!". Both of which are troublesome.
Assuming you had to pick one though, which option would you go with?
The first reeks of manipulation, but the second screams "I'm not self aware!". Both of which are troublesome.
Assuming you had to pick one though, which option would you go with?
Posted by wagtail
No, no and no...
And he's dreaming if he tries that squaddlepop on meh I tell ya.
I'm interested in other perspectives tho *follows topic*
Squaddlepop, indeed.
😄
Posted by AneemAYep, you start throwing your emotional bullshit at me and I'm gonna assume you're batshit crazy and send you kicking rocks. Ain't got no time for that shit
Well for me, the action of "testing" isnt about giving an ultimatum or saying the word break up and check how he/she acts upon that, nope.
I do test tho, by putting pressures, stresses, throwing all my mental trash at him, (and usually there is a trigger) if he "runs away" as soon as he spots that, or try to "change" my behaviour by "shut it out", well then he certainly cant manage the stress from a marriage, and certainly isn't going to commit, right? right?
Or am I wrong? I am right, right?
Posted by AneemASeriously though, if a man stays through all that, you need to question his sanityPosted by SssupesHehe, good we haven't encountered each other in a some type of relationshvt then 😉Posted by AneemAYep, you start throwing your emotional bullshit at me and I'm gonna assume you're batshit crazy and send you kicking rocks. Ain't got no time for that shit
Well for me, the action of "testing" isnt about giving an ultimatum or saying the word break up and check how he/she acts upon that, nope.
I do test tho, by putting pressures, stresses, throwing all my mental trash at him, (and usually there is a trigger) if he "runs away" as soon as he spots that, or try to "change" my behaviour by "shut it out", well then he certainly cant manage the stress from a marriage, and certainly isn't going to commit, right? right?
Or am I wrong? I am right, right?
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Posted by KoniuchaaI didn't say that. She said she starts throwing emotional garbage at them. Emotions are good. Emotions are necessary. Spewing emotions to see if a man can "handle" you is playing games.Posted by SssupesSo you do not like sharing emotions in a relationship?Posted by AneemAYep, you start throwing your emotional bullshit at me and I'm gonna assume you're batshit crazy and send you kicking rocks. Ain't got no time for that shit
Well for me, the action of "testing" isnt about giving an ultimatum or saying the word break up and check how he/she acts upon that, nope.
I do test tho, by putting pressures, stresses, throwing all my mental trash at him, (and usually there is a trigger) if he "runs away" as soon as he spots that, or try to "change" my behaviour by "shut it out", well then he certainly cant manage the stress from a marriage, and certainly isn't going to commit, right? right?
Or am I wrong? I am right, right?
click to expand
Posted by SssupesThat's a petty game, petty test for the insecure.
How many of y'all "test" your SO in a relationship? Like testing their level of commitment. Do you attempt to break up with them and see what their reaction is? Are you expecting them to beg you not to do this?
Posted by Montgomery😆 Wut, I swear it's a wordPosted by wagtail
No, no and no...
And he's dreaming if he tries that squaddlepop on meh I tell ya.
I'm interested in other perspectives tho *follows topic*
Squaddlepop, indeed.
😄click to expand
@MIIeFisk
I think it’s frequent if you're an 'all or nothing' type to be involved in a scenario where you feel you're the one who's putting the most, sometimes only effort. It's disproportionate from the start for some people - me included - because they're not interested at all unless they have to invest in someone for real.
I see the struggle when it comes to trusting people, and by trust I mean fully trust, I don’t like in between ways of trusting, I’m not fond of in between ways of putting effort. It bothers me not having exclusively intimate relationships with any person that is around me, or simply I cannot stand things not done properly in a work environment…
The struggle though isn’t really mine, personally I tend to trust people easily, unless I have a reason not to, but their. I went past it by now as I’m fully aware – INFJ problems here – of being contradictory; some aspects of my persona just don’t make sense, albeit I could easily explain why if the other person was interested or simply willing to listen.
How I crave solitude and fierce connections with people at the same time. How I am cynical and have a negative outlook on society yet at same time I truly believe in people. How I am very warm and inviting in person but somehow cold at the same time. How I am serious, intellectual and philosophical yet extremely silly and playful all the time. How I am a day-dreamer but very practical.
I am very interested in something new until I reach the point I don’t give two treetrunks. I can’t stand boundaries – physical and not – and also love structure. I love every regards of a romantic relationship, being exclusive and the commitment part too, but then I find commitment per se restricting in many ways. I would like events to unfold naturally but then I realize this is not going to happen if I don’t force the process sometimes. I like subtle straightforwardness. I am interested in details but only contextualized and in the bigger picture. I feel talented for things most people are not, the little niches. I am very individualist but people-oriented.
I love attention but not every eye on me. I am a bit show off but I don’t like being it too much. I love traveling but realize I just can’t keep moving if I want to start a family. I love the concept of marriage but I just don’t see it happening with my mindset. I don’t like to tie people – no wait actually I do sometimes ahah – so I often set them free. I can ‘kill’ but I don’t like to kill. I can agree and disagree at the same time with everyone. I thrive in almost any contest but I don’t belong anywhere, also not belonging makes me feel unique and special, and I like it. I hate labels of any sort but reading INFJ makes me feel like I’m not alone etc…
I think it’s frequent if you're an 'all or nothing' type to be involved in a scenario where you feel you're the one who's putting the most, sometimes only effort. It's disproportionate from the start for some people - me included - because they're not interested at all unless they have to invest in someone for real.
I see the struggle when it comes to trusting people, and by trust I mean fully trust, I don’t like in between ways of trusting, I’m not fond of in between ways of putting effort. It bothers me not having exclusively intimate relationships with any person that is around me, or simply I cannot stand things not done properly in a work environment…
The struggle though isn’t really mine, personally I tend to trust people easily, unless I have a reason not to, but their. I went past it by now as I’m fully aware – INFJ problems here – of being contradictory; some aspects of my persona just don’t make sense, albeit I could easily explain why if the other person was interested or simply willing to listen.
How I crave solitude and fierce connections with people at the same time. How I am cynical and have a negative outlook on society yet at same time I truly believe in people. How I am very warm and inviting in person but somehow cold at the same time. How I am serious, intellectual and philosophical yet extremely silly and playful all the time. How I am a day-dreamer but very practical.
I am very interested in something new until I reach the point I don’t give two treetrunks. I can’t stand boundaries – physical and not – and also love structure. I love every regards of a romantic relationship, being exclusive and the commitment part too, but then I find commitment per se restricting in many ways. I would like events to unfold naturally but then I realize this is not going to happen if I don’t force the process sometimes. I like subtle straightforwardness. I am interested in details but only contextualized and in the bigger picture. I feel talented for things most people are not, the little niches. I am very individualist but people-oriented.
I love attention but not every eye on me. I am a bit show off but I don’t like being it too much. I love traveling but realize I just can’t keep moving if I want to start a family. I love the concept of marriage but I just don’t see it happening with my mindset. I don’t like to tie people – no wait actually I do sometimes ahah – so I often set them free. I can ‘kill’ but I don’t like to kill. I can agree and disagree at the same time with everyone. I thrive in almost any contest but I don’t belong anywhere, also not belonging makes me feel unique and special, and I like it. I hate labels of any sort but reading INFJ makes me feel like I’m not alone etc…
Ultimately, I’m very stable and comfortable with who I am. But I do not consider myself easy to trust by any means, despite knowing I am very trustworthy, reliable and consistent. Basically I need the people around me to put same amount of effort I put in them, which is a lot, too much at times, so I can’t even ‘blame’ them for not wanting to put it to begin with.
I feel extremely confident when I’m vulnerable and I know I can guide people going through what for them it’s a struggle, although for me it's easy, so easy I can scare them. The only way for a person to ever fully understand me, I realize, is to get vulnerable herself, naked as I am right now while I'm writing this post. First of all because being naked is exciting; secondly because I know I'm good at that, even though I'm not supposed to.
The purpose of being vulnerable to me is also to protect the other person, but I can only protect her if she's courageous enough to trust me all the way, I can just feel is she's not. The paradox is that the spot where I would like to protect her it's the same exact spot where I could, in theory, hurt her the most... not that I want, but convincing someone I won't it's not exactly the easiest thing in the world.
In alternative, it's easier to find someone who just accepts and gets me instinctively. Someone who's curious but doesn't question me too much, someone who knows that even if things turn awry - which might happen - she's confident enough to bounce back on her own because she's strong and knows who she is too, intimately.
Ok, that was heavy but I don't care 😄
I feel extremely confident when I’m vulnerable and I know I can guide people going through what for them it’s a struggle, although for me it's easy, so easy I can scare them. The only way for a person to ever fully understand me, I realize, is to get vulnerable herself, naked as I am right now while I'm writing this post. First of all because being naked is exciting; secondly because I know I'm good at that, even though I'm not supposed to.
The purpose of being vulnerable to me is also to protect the other person, but I can only protect her if she's courageous enough to trust me all the way, I can just feel is she's not. The paradox is that the spot where I would like to protect her it's the same exact spot where I could, in theory, hurt her the most... not that I want, but convincing someone I won't it's not exactly the easiest thing in the world.
In alternative, it's easier to find someone who just accepts and gets me instinctively. Someone who's curious but doesn't question me too much, someone who knows that even if things turn awry - which might happen - she's confident enough to bounce back on her own because she's strong and knows who she is too, intimately.
Ok, that was heavy but I don't care 😄
Posted by SssupesOMG! I wouldn't want to intentionally hurt him like that to find out something that should be obvious to me! D,:
How many of y'all "test" your SO in a relationship? Like testing their level of commitment. Do you attempt to break up with them and see what their reaction is? Are you expecting them to beg you not to do this?
Posted by tizianiHow will you know if it's honest?Posted by SssupesI'd shoot for 10%Posted by tizianiMaybe 20% ?
Good luck getting honest responses.
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Posted by AneemAInteresting. I hadn't read the thread before responding. Now I need to consider this other form of testing and see if my response changes. ?
Well for me, the action of "testing" isnt about giving an ultimatum or saying the word break up and check how he/she acts upon that, nope.
I do test tho, by putting pressures, stresses, throwing all my mental trash at him, (and usually there is a trigger) if he "runs away" as soon as he spots that, or try to "change" my behaviour by "shut it out", well then he certainly cant manage the stress from a marriage, and certainly isn't going to commit, right? right?
Or am I wrong? I am right, right?
Posted by DonumDeiI have, yes.Posted by LillyPetalBut........Posted by AneemAInteresting. I hadn't read the thread before responding. Now I need to consider this other form of testing and see if my response changes. ?
Well for me, the action of "testing" isnt about giving an ultimatum or saying the word break up and check how he/she acts upon that, nope.
I do test tho, by putting pressures, stresses, throwing all my mental trash at him, (and usually there is a trigger) if he "runs away" as soon as he spots that, or try to "change" my behaviour by "shut it out", well then he certainly cant manage the stress from a marriage, and certainly isn't going to commit, right? right?
Or am I wrong? I am right, right?
do you?!
Or do you already know the potential outcome and consequences that come along with that line of ......click to expand
I don't think I want to talk about the time I tested him, but I will share this: sometimes, when I get an injury, like a cut or sprain, I will exaggerate my pain a bit just to watch him coddle me. .______.
Posted by DonumDeiThank you, my friend.Posted by LillyPetalYou own no one any explanation Lilly ( and i know you're aware of that as the day is long 😉) ..as long as long as he is aware.... that's all that matters!
I don't think I want to talk about the time I tested him, but I will share this: sometimes, when I get an injury, like a cut or sprain, I will exaggerate my pain a bit just to watch him coddle me. .______.
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People are fickle as fuck. They could die for u today, and kill you the next.
Posted by MIIeFiskI was just venting and felt like sharing, nothing more.Posted by Palerio😐
Ultimately, I’m very stable and comfortable with who I am. But I do not consider myself easy to trust by any means, despite knowing I am very trustworthy, reliable and consistent. Basically I need the people around me to put same amount of effort I put in them, which is a lot, too much at times, so I can’t even ‘blame’ them for not wanting to put it to begin with.
I feel extremely confident when I’m vulnerable and I know I can guide people going through what for them it’s a struggle, although for me it's easy, so easy I can scare them. The only way for a person to ever fully understand me, I realize, is to get vulnerable herself, naked as I am right now while I'm writing this post. First of all because being naked is exciting; secondly because I know I'm good at that, even though I'm not supposed to.
The purpose of being vulnerable to me is also to protect the other person, but I can only protect her if she's courageous enough to trust me all the way, I can just feel is she's not. The paradox is that the spot where I would like to protect her it's the same exact spot where I could, in theory, hurt her the most... not that I want, but convincing someone I won't it's not exactly the easiest thing in the world.
In alternative, it's easier to find someone who just accepts and gets me instinctively. Someone who's curious but doesn't question me too much, someone who knows that even if things turn awry - which might happen - she's confident enough to bounce back on her own because she's strong and knows who she is too, intimately.
Ok, that was heavy but I don't care 😄
I'm too sober to even pretend to understand what you are about. You are a little scary for someone who is the all-or-nothing type.
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To say that there's many reasons to be guarded, one of them being awarness of knowing something you can say could scare people. Basically it's important for such person to find someone who's naturally inquisitive and curious about his/her true nature. Not just curious, but very curious so as no to create an unbalance before things even started.
Sometimes it's just hard to trust someone who's not willing to do what you're willing to do yourself.
Posted by tizianiThought so! 😆Posted by LillyPetalPosted by tizianiHow will you know if it's honest?Posted by SssupesI'd shoot for 10%Posted by tizianiMaybe 20% ?
Good luck getting honest responses.
Honesty = the quality of aiding my political agenda.click to expand
Posted by PalerioYou are an INFJ just like my husband. I enjoyed reading all of your posts, so that I see what I offer. He's often said me or no one... and he proved it.Posted by MIIeFiskI was just venting and felt like sharing, nothing more.Posted by Palerio😐
Ultimately, I’m very stable and comfortable with who I am. But I do not consider myself easy to trust by any means, despite knowing I am very trustworthy, reliable and consistent. Basically I need the people around me to put same amount of effort I put in them, which is a lot, too much at times, so I can’t even ‘blame’ them for not wanting to put it to begin with.
I feel extremely confident when I’m vulnerable and I know I can guide people going through what for them it’s a struggle, although for me it's easy, so easy I can scare them. The only way for a person to ever fully understand me, I realize, is to get vulnerable herself, naked as I am right now while I'm writing this post. First of all because being naked is exciting; secondly because I know I'm good at that, even though I'm not supposed to.
The purpose of being vulnerable to me is also to protect the other person, but I can only protect her if she's courageous enough to trust me all the way, I can just feel is she's not. The paradox is that the spot where I would like to protect her it's the same exact spot where I could, in theory, hurt her the most... not that I want, but convincing someone I won't it's not exactly the easiest thing in the world.
In alternative, it's easier to find someone who just accepts and gets me instinctively. Someone who's curious but doesn't question me too much, someone who knows that even if things turn awry - which might happen - she's confident enough to bounce back on her own because she's strong and knows who she is too, intimately.
Ok, that was heavy but I don't care 😄
I'm too sober to even pretend to understand what you are about. You are a little scary for someone who is the all-or-nothing type.
To say that there's many reasons to be guarded, one of them being awarness of knowing something you can say could scare people. Basically it's important for such person to find someone who's naturally inquisitive and curious about his/her true nature. Not just curious, but very curious so as no to create an unbalance before things even started.
Sometimes it's just hard to trust someone who's not willing to do what you're willing to do yourself.click to expand
I don't test. I don't really give a fuck. I have gotten the shit tested out of me. Not as simple as the example of breaking up. It's almost like they just wanted to make sure I am what I think I am. They are very disappointed to find out that yes, I am.
Testing me in this way, is the beginning of the end. But, I wait to find out what about the person made them test me. Once answered, I'm gone.
I got tested emotionally the most, poking, proding for vulnerabilities that I do not have. Like a mosquito constantly trying to bite you... and after swating, you finally kill it.
I never knew men would ever do this. TV lied.
Testing me in this way, is the beginning of the end. But, I wait to find out what about the person made them test me. Once answered, I'm gone.
I got tested emotionally the most, poking, proding for vulnerabilities that I do not have. Like a mosquito constantly trying to bite you... and after swating, you finally kill it.
I never knew men would ever do this. TV lied.
@VenusAquarius
Would you say an INFJ personality suits a woman better in the eyes of society? In other words, would you say INFJ is possibly the furthest type resembling the stereotyped version of a man? I notice extroverted male feelers tend to be considered 'weak' these days, while I believe possessing a high EQ is on the contrary a sign of strenght. To me, there's ultimately nothing better than an emotionally stable man who's not afraid of embracing his 'human' and vulnerable side by showing his feelings.
Problem is that it takes time for us INFJs to get there, given that the 'mainly way' society expects us to be is the opposite of what we are. Men in this world are taught to be as un-INFJ as possible, so we're basically forced while we mature to redefine our entire system of value just to fit in, but we're stubborn and don't like do that, because at the end of the day we don't think there's anything wrong with being like that.
p.s. also what's yours?
Would you say an INFJ personality suits a woman better in the eyes of society? In other words, would you say INFJ is possibly the furthest type resembling the stereotyped version of a man? I notice extroverted male feelers tend to be considered 'weak' these days, while I believe possessing a high EQ is on the contrary a sign of strenght. To me, there's ultimately nothing better than an emotionally stable man who's not afraid of embracing his 'human' and vulnerable side by showing his feelings.
Problem is that it takes time for us INFJs to get there, given that the 'mainly way' society expects us to be is the opposite of what we are. Men in this world are taught to be as un-INFJ as possible, so we're basically forced while we mature to redefine our entire system of value just to fit in, but we're stubborn and don't like do that, because at the end of the day we don't think there's anything wrong with being like that.
p.s. also what's yours?
Posted by starwarsNo idea what you're talking about.
life is already testing you if youre interested in a virgo
Posted by starwarsNever been interested in Cap mooners who take naps in the afternoon 😛Posted by Paleriosuuuree 😛Posted by starwarsNo idea what you're talking about.
life is already testing you if youre interested in a virgo
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Posted by PalerioMy post(s) will be long too.
@VenusAquarius
Would you say an INFJ personality suits a woman better in the eyes of society? In other words, would you say INFJ is possibly the furthest type resembling the stereotyped version of a man? I notice extroverted male feelers tend to be considered 'weak' these days, while I believe possessing a high EQ is on the contrary a sign of strenght. To me, there's ultimately nothing better than an emotionally stable man who's not afraid of embracing his 'human' and vulnerable side by showing his feelings.
Problem is that it takes time for us INFJs to get there, given that the 'mainly way' society expects us to be is the opposite of what we are. Men in this world are taught to be as un-INFJ as possible, so we're basically forced while we mature to redefine our entire system of value just to fit in, but we're stubborn and don't like do that, because at the end of the day we don't think there's anything wrong with being like that.
p.s. also what's yours?
My husband is a very passionate man. However, I doubt that anyone would ever question his masculinity in anyway - the thing that benefits a man is his size and good looks. The masculinity of a passionate (emotional) man that is 6'3 225 lbs., is rarely questioned. It is rather intimidating. It is beneficial, in my opinion that if a man is to be emotional and still perceived as masculine in the traditional sense, he should be introverted. As you stated, the extroverted emotional men are seen as weak. Perhaps because they too readily give voice to their emotions without processing them and spend too much time in the external world interacting and expressing, which in my opinion, lends itself to projection and concerns about presentation. Not enough time is spent introspectively and thus may lack EQ. When it comes to emotions, it really depends on the type of emotion, the cause, the source, and follow through that determines masculine energy.
My husband is a very emotional, passionate man. He is quiet and introverted; however, every word that comes out of his mouth is intense. The energy that comes off of him is intense too include body heat. His facial expressions are intense. When he is just chilling out on the couch, it's intense. His eyes are like laser beams… penetrating so much that you feel naked. His eyes never, ever let up. All my life under laser beam eyes.
@Palerio
My husband is a very emotional, passionate man. He is quiet and introverted; however, every word that comes out of his mouth is intense. The energy that comes off of him is intense too include body heat. His facial expressions are intense. When he is just chilling out on the couch, it's intense. His eyes are like laser beams… penetrating so much that you feel naked. His eyes never, ever let up. All my life under laser beam eyes.
He waited until he we were married to fully reveal the emotional beast that he is. Or, I wasn’t paying attention. With each passing year, he revealed more and more. He senses everything in the environment. He knows the hearts of men and will describe to me the most nauseatingly disgusting emotions he picks up from everyone, everyone. And that impresses me beyond words. So, I appreciate it. He is a consummate protector. He is so passionate he will risk his life to defend the ones he loves and he has proven it and I have witnessed it. He is “The Day of Lively Precision.”
I believe that within the context you described as "redefining the entire system of value just to fit-in” he could not maintain this facade in an interpersonal relationship lasting so long. My husband's grandmother, a Native American woman, tried to teach him to be as un-INFJ as possible. He tells me a lot about his childhood and not being allowed to feel and being punished for it and then being severely punished for feeling related to the punishment. This lead to some emotional block.
The last six years he has softened and showed a softer side... is more calm. I have often tried to tell him that his passion coupled with his stature is very intimidating. Even with approaching intimacy, his words, actions, body heat, all intense. Even when he is expressing love, its intense devotion. Walking casually around shopping, he opens a door for me, and as I brush by him, he says "I don't want to go to heaven if you are not there” just all of a sudden under laser beam eyes. Similar scenario, discussing my reservations on a purchase, he stops and looks me deeply in my eye with eyes intensely warm and penetrating, "when have I ever denied you anything."
My husband is a very emotional, passionate man. He is quiet and introverted; however, every word that comes out of his mouth is intense. The energy that comes off of him is intense too include body heat. His facial expressions are intense. When he is just chilling out on the couch, it's intense. His eyes are like laser beams… penetrating so much that you feel naked. His eyes never, ever let up. All my life under laser beam eyes.
He waited until he we were married to fully reveal the emotional beast that he is. Or, I wasn’t paying attention. With each passing year, he revealed more and more. He senses everything in the environment. He knows the hearts of men and will describe to me the most nauseatingly disgusting emotions he picks up from everyone, everyone. And that impresses me beyond words. So, I appreciate it. He is a consummate protector. He is so passionate he will risk his life to defend the ones he loves and he has proven it and I have witnessed it. He is “The Day of Lively Precision.”
I believe that within the context you described as "redefining the entire system of value just to fit-in” he could not maintain this facade in an interpersonal relationship lasting so long. My husband's grandmother, a Native American woman, tried to teach him to be as un-INFJ as possible. He tells me a lot about his childhood and not being allowed to feel and being punished for it and then being severely punished for feeling related to the punishment. This lead to some emotional block.
The last six years he has softened and showed a softer side... is more calm. I have often tried to tell him that his passion coupled with his stature is very intimidating. Even with approaching intimacy, his words, actions, body heat, all intense. Even when he is expressing love, its intense devotion. Walking casually around shopping, he opens a door for me, and as I brush by him, he says "I don't want to go to heaven if you are not there” just all of a sudden under laser beam eyes. Similar scenario, discussing my reservations on a purchase, he stops and looks me deeply in my eye with eyes intensely warm and penetrating, "when have I ever denied you anything."
@Palerio
He eats me alive, breaks me down, brings me to my knees, tears me down and builds me up again. My heart could not take so much passion and intensity. That is why the part of your post that I related to the most was when you said,
“I feel extremely confident when I’m vulnerable and I know I can guide people going through what for them it’s a struggle, although for me it's easy, so easy I can scare them. The only way for a person to ever fully understand me, I realize, is to get vulnerable herself, naked as I am right now while I'm writing this post. First of all because being naked is exciting; secondly because I know I'm good at that, even though I'm not supposed to. The purpose of being vulnerable to me is also to protect the other person, but I can only protect her if she's courageous enough to trust me all the way, I can just feel is she's not. The paradox is that the spot where I would like to protect her it's the same exact spot where I could, in theory, hurt her the most... not that I want...”
I never knew that that was his process. But, I know that I have been through it. My lack of understanding with the lack of emotional intelligence made me run from him.
I do not feel so intensely or rather I think more than I feel. I spend so much time thinking that even my feelings become thoughts. I am rather basic when it comes to emotion. Not a bit of complexity or intensity. We spend an inordinate amount of time together... rarely apart especially at the beginning. But, I prayed for such a man based on novels I’ve read and this is what I got. This is what a protector is made of.
I am an ENTJ and he loves it. He motivates me to be better… gets in my butt to lead, to march, saying I’ve got your back there is nothing and no one to fear.
As you stated, I am "Someone who's curious but doesn't question me too much, someone who knows that even if things turn awry - which might happen - she's confident enough to bounce back on her own because she's strong and knows who she is too, intimately."
He eats me alive, breaks me down, brings me to my knees, tears me down and builds me up again. My heart could not take so much passion and intensity. That is why the part of your post that I related to the most was when you said,
“I feel extremely confident when I’m vulnerable and I know I can guide people going through what for them it’s a struggle, although for me it's easy, so easy I can scare them. The only way for a person to ever fully understand me, I realize, is to get vulnerable herself, naked as I am right now while I'm writing this post. First of all because being naked is exciting; secondly because I know I'm good at that, even though I'm not supposed to. The purpose of being vulnerable to me is also to protect the other person, but I can only protect her if she's courageous enough to trust me all the way, I can just feel is she's not. The paradox is that the spot where I would like to protect her it's the same exact spot where I could, in theory, hurt her the most... not that I want...”
I never knew that that was his process. But, I know that I have been through it. My lack of understanding with the lack of emotional intelligence made me run from him.
I do not feel so intensely or rather I think more than I feel. I spend so much time thinking that even my feelings become thoughts. I am rather basic when it comes to emotion. Not a bit of complexity or intensity. We spend an inordinate amount of time together... rarely apart especially at the beginning. But, I prayed for such a man based on novels I’ve read and this is what I got. This is what a protector is made of.
I am an ENTJ and he loves it. He motivates me to be better… gets in my butt to lead, to march, saying I’ve got your back there is nothing and no one to fear.
As you stated, I am "Someone who's curious but doesn't question me too much, someone who knows that even if things turn awry - which might happen - she's confident enough to bounce back on her own because she's strong and knows who she is too, intimately."
@Palerio
As you stated, I am "Someone who's curious but doesn't question me too much, someone who knows that even if things turn awry - which might happen - she's confident enough to bounce back on her own because she's strong and knows who she is too, intimately." ENTJ
I thought he would be better with someone more like himself and he certainly had the opportunity but he really loves me. And, I know why based on the quote from you. But, I know that about myself already so I know. It's just seeing it from someone similar and in different phrases. He said to me one night while standing over me with laser beam eyes, “when I mate, I mate for life.” The intensity of eyes and his facial expression – lord. I am so acceptable to him, no criticism from the outside is tolerated and he will and has taken action in response to difficulties I have had with others. I can tell you some stories (many I have already told here and there on DXP). He is a warrior and my hero.
Nothing I have said sounds remotely feminine to me.
As you stated, I am "Someone who's curious but doesn't question me too much, someone who knows that even if things turn awry - which might happen - she's confident enough to bounce back on her own because she's strong and knows who she is too, intimately." ENTJ
I thought he would be better with someone more like himself and he certainly had the opportunity but he really loves me. And, I know why based on the quote from you. But, I know that about myself already so I know. It's just seeing it from someone similar and in different phrases. He said to me one night while standing over me with laser beam eyes, “when I mate, I mate for life.” The intensity of eyes and his facial expression – lord. I am so acceptable to him, no criticism from the outside is tolerated and he will and has taken action in response to difficulties I have had with others. I can tell you some stories (many I have already told here and there on DXP). He is a warrior and my hero.
Nothing I have said sounds remotely feminine to me.
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