GFY
@CancerOnTheCusp
12 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 433 · Posts: 8306 · Topics: 311
The Thread For Dubious Advice
OP:
Dear Crabs, I am having a problem with my Cancer man. we have the best times - he takes me out to cool places and we have great conversations, he helped out my mother with putting up shelves and yard work, and treats all my family with the utmost respect.
However, He doesn't seem interested in listening to me talk about my facials, makes no comment on my toenail polish, and doesn't return my relationship texts immediately.
I'm getting tired of his obvious games and don't know what to do. Any advice?
Non-Cancer (female) Response 1: I have experience with a lot of men. He's obviously not interested in you and you deserve better. You need to drop him right now.
Non-Cancer (female) Response 2: I really don't have any relationship experience, but he should be treating you like a queen and should be entertaining your every little whim and not take issue with your tantrums. You need to drop him right now.
Non-Cancer (female) Response 3: All Cancers suck. They're all evil and eat small children for breakfast and push old people in front of moving trains. You need to drop him right now.
Non-Cancer (male white knighting) Response 4: That's right! You should all have a real man in your life. Namely me. We can discuss this in my panel van marked "free candy"
Cancer responses (male and female): WTF? Are these people for real?
Dear Crabs, I am having a problem with my Cancer man. we have the best times - he takes me out to cool places and we have great conversations, he helped out my mother with putting up shelves and yard work, and treats all my family with the utmost respect.
However, He doesn't seem interested in listening to me talk about my facials, makes no comment on my toenail polish, and doesn't return my relationship texts immediately.
I'm getting tired of his obvious games and don't know what to do. Any advice?
Non-Cancer (female) Response 1: I have experience with a lot of men. He's obviously not interested in you and you deserve better. You need to drop him right now.
Non-Cancer (female) Response 2: I really don't have any relationship experience, but he should be treating you like a queen and should be entertaining your every little whim and not take issue with your tantrums. You need to drop him right now.
Non-Cancer (female) Response 3: All Cancers suck. They're all evil and eat small children for breakfast and push old people in front of moving trains. You need to drop him right now.
Non-Cancer (male white knighting) Response 4: That's right! You should all have a real man in your life. Namely me. We can discuss this in my panel van marked "free candy"
Cancer responses (male and female): WTF? Are these people for real?
number 3 is supermissman
Posted by ScrumptiousI would have never guessed that......
number 3 is supermissman
what do you think @supermissman
Posted by CancerOnTheCuspshes probably busy doing her algebra homeworkPosted by Scrumptious
what do you think @supermissman
click to expand
OP: Hi everyone. New here. I was eating dinner and we just bought this nice shiny set of "silverware". I noticed that the fork would fit nicely into one of the electrical sockets in the wall, and plugged it in. I woke up in the hospital and several days had gone by. Your thoughts on the experience?
Response 1: Well, there was an obvious spiritual connection with the energies emanating from the wall. Your use of the fork connected with those energies and lifted you to a higher plane
OP: I did see a "white flash"
Response 2: That was obviously the tenders of Shambala greeting the visitation of your spirit. What enlightenment did you receive?
Response 3: Yes, tell us! I once stuck my tongue across two posts on a battery and realized that I could fly if only I had wings
Response 4: What kind of dumbass sticks a fork in an electrical socket?
Rest of thread: Responder 4 is a hater!
Response 1: Well, there was an obvious spiritual connection with the energies emanating from the wall. Your use of the fork connected with those energies and lifted you to a higher plane
OP: I did see a "white flash"
Response 2: That was obviously the tenders of Shambala greeting the visitation of your spirit. What enlightenment did you receive?
Response 3: Yes, tell us! I once stuck my tongue across two posts on a battery and realized that I could fly if only I had wings
Response 4: What kind of dumbass sticks a fork in an electrical socket?
Rest of thread: Responder 4 is a hater!
OP (just signed on today): So I've been in this on and off relationship with this guy for 10 years. He's married and I can tell by the way he looks and smiles at me as he hands me the mail that he wants to take our relationship to the next level. I can't seem to get rid of him as he shows up every day, handing me things. Should I go for it or should I let him go?
Responder 1: It's obvious by the way he looks at you that you should go for it!
Responder 2: He shows up every day? What a creep! Call the cops and get a guard dog!
Responder 3 (aghast behind keyboard): Wait a second, is this guy a postal worker delivering your mail?
OP: Well, yeah. But its the way he smiles. I'm sure its true love.
Responder 3 -- no response, but tosses the computer in the trash and goes to work as a trapper in Alaska
Responder 1: It's obvious by the way he looks at you that you should go for it!
Responder 2: He shows up every day? What a creep! Call the cops and get a guard dog!
Responder 3 (aghast behind keyboard): Wait a second, is this guy a postal worker delivering your mail?
OP: Well, yeah. But its the way he smiles. I'm sure its true love.
Responder 3 -- no response, but tosses the computer in the trash and goes to work as a trapper in Alaska
OP: I have been reading these various posts for years. I have been having some difficulty with my husband. We have been married for 60 years, and the doctors say he has early signs of dementia and is becoming incontinent. I love him very much, but I'm thinking he needs to go into managed care because it is becoming too much for me to handle. What is the best way to go about this?
Responder 1 (Profile says 20 something female): He's being selfish and only thinking about himself, even it he has dementia and is losing control of his bodily functions. You need to drop him! Oh, what is "dementia"?
Responder 2 (male): I'm only here for the beer
Responder 3 (male): A real man would hold it in until he gets to the bathroom. A real man would conquer his dementia to find his way to the bathroom. You need a real man, namely me. Let's discuss this in my panel van marked "free candy".
Responder 4 (older female): My father and mother were going through the same thing. We got the family together and discussed this with my father in a calm, rational manner. He agreed, and we were lucky and got him into the best facility in the city. He's well taken care of and happy, but its been sad to see the slow decline. You might consider doing the same as we did.
OP (responding to #4): Thank you. I've been thinking the same and will get everyone together.
Responder 5 (another young female): That's so heartless! You're abandoning him! You are a cruel and evil human being and you should kill yourself!
Responder 1 (to responder 4): You have no idea what you're talking about! Even though my parents are both healthy its obvious the husband is being selfish. She should drop him!
Responder 4 (to responder 1): Were you dropped on your head as a child?
Responder 1: Hey everybody! Here is a 40 something year old woman bullying me!
Responder 1 (Profile says 20 something female): He's being selfish and only thinking about himself, even it he has dementia and is losing control of his bodily functions. You need to drop him! Oh, what is "dementia"?
Responder 2 (male): I'm only here for the beer
Responder 3 (male): A real man would hold it in until he gets to the bathroom. A real man would conquer his dementia to find his way to the bathroom. You need a real man, namely me. Let's discuss this in my panel van marked "free candy".
Responder 4 (older female): My father and mother were going through the same thing. We got the family together and discussed this with my father in a calm, rational manner. He agreed, and we were lucky and got him into the best facility in the city. He's well taken care of and happy, but its been sad to see the slow decline. You might consider doing the same as we did.
OP (responding to #4): Thank you. I've been thinking the same and will get everyone together.
Responder 5 (another young female): That's so heartless! You're abandoning him! You are a cruel and evil human being and you should kill yourself!
Responder 1 (to responder 4): You have no idea what you're talking about! Even though my parents are both healthy its obvious the husband is being selfish. She should drop him!
Responder 4 (to responder 1): Were you dropped on your head as a child?
Responder 1: Hey everybody! Here is a 40 something year old woman bullying me!
Rofl...you're on a roll! I might join in but need coffee first.
Posted by SensitiveBluesidk why people think so
Lol that's so accurate! We get the most ridiculous dumb questions. Are we that complex.
Posted by OphiuchusPosted by SensitiveBluesidk why people think so
Lol that's so accurate! We get the most ridiculous dumb questions. Are we that complex.click to expand
Indeed, sir.
Should we be cautious of Cancers who seem sane and
funny and smart?
Should we tread carefully, and treat them like the ticking
time ;bom b we all know they (damnwell) are?
Hmm
*patiently awaits evermore dubious advice*
Posted by MontgomeryResponder 1 (non Cancer who has some ax to grind for some strange reason, with some really twisted worldview): You should never trust a Cancer. They lie, cheat, and steal as a normal part of their nature. Every major calamity for the last 300 years has a Cancer behind it somewhere.
Indeed, sir.
Should we be cautious of Cancers who seem sane and
funny and smart?
Should we tread carefully, and treat them like the ticking
time ;bom b we all know they (damnwell) are?
Hmm
*patiently awaits evermore dubious advice*
Hurricane Katrina? George W Bush was a Cancer. He used his secret weather machine to cause the storm and steer it into New Orleans! (editor's comment: There is an actual basis for this. Some of the more whacked out conspiracy theories floating on the Internet actually touted this)
John Rockefeller - Cancer. Founded Standard Oil and could be considered the Father of Global Climate change with making oil and gasoline a commodity.
The United States - July 4, 1776. The greatest evil ever known! How dare it break away from the heel of George III. Democracy is messy and violates my safe space!
Responder 2 (to responder 1): Are you sitting in a U.S. Starbucks, sipping a latte you were able to buy with money you made from your job at the book store, all items by which were transported using petroleum products? And does your laptop have a plastic case that was made from petroleum derivatives? Air conditioning, free wi-fi without some censor preventing you from typing your post, electricity that doesn't have brownouts? Besides, what does that have to do with the OP's original question?
Responder 1 (to responder 2): You totally missed my point, you racist, misogynist, fascist! I'm going to block you. Besides, how did you know I was typing this in a Starbucks? You creeper and probably a Cancer!
Responder 2 (to responder 1): I happen to be a black woman who is on break working in a non--profit facility taking care of the aged. I also happen to be a Capricorn. As far as George W, I didn't care for him either, but I doubt he has a secret weather machine that controls the weather. You in a Starbucks? It was just a wild guess. And you haven't contributed anything useful to this thread. Have a nice day 🙂
Responder 1 (to responder 2): I'm blocking and reporting you!
Posted by NevermoreIt almost becomes formulaic, doesn't it?
Every thread:
"I have (insert sign) BF! And he doesn't behave that way! blablabla! I know everything about him (Only 1 sign)"
"I know my (insert sign) well and I guarantee that he'll do that to you too!"
"I have been with (insert sign) men for very long time, I even had other 3 same signs. I always knew he deny it and that I knew everything about it."
Brings to mind the saying: "We have two ears and one mouth because we were meant to listen"
Posted by CancerOnTheCuspPosted by MontgomeryResponder 1 (non Cancer who has some ax to grind for some strange reason, with some really twisted worldview): You should never trust a Cancer. They lie, cheat, and steal as a normal part of their nature. Every major calamity for the last 300 years has a Cancer behind it somewhere.
Indeed, sir.
Should we be cautious of Cancers who seem sane and
funny and smart?
Should we tread carefully, and treat them like the ticking
time ;bom b we all know they (damnwell) are?
Hmm
*patiently awaits evermore dubious advice*
Hurricane Katrina? George W Bush was a Cancer. He used his secret weather machine to cause the storm and steer it into New Orleans! (editor's comment: There is an actual basis for this. Some of the more whacked out conspiracy theories floating on the Internet actually touted this)
John Rockefeller - Cancer. Founded Standard Oil and could be considered the Father of Global Climate change with making oil and gasoline a commodity.
The United States - July 4, 1776. The greatest evil ever known! How dare it break away from the heel of George III. Democracy is messy and violates my safe space!
Responder 2 (to responder 1): Are you sitting in a U.S. Starbucks, sipping a latte you were able to buy with money you made from your job at the book store, all items by which were transported using petroleum products? And does your laptop have a plastic case that was made from petroleum derivatives? Air conditioning, free wi-fi without some censor preventing you from typing your post, electricity that doesn't have brownouts? Besides, what does that have to do with the OP's original question?
Responder 1 (to responder 2): You totally missed my point, you racist, misogynist, fascist! I'm going to block you. Besides, how did you know I was typing this in a Starbucks? You creeper and probably a Cancer!
Responder 2 (to responder 1): I happen to be a black woman who is on break working in a non--profit facility taking care of the aged. I also happen to be a Capricorn. As far as George W, I didn't care for him either, but I doubt he has a secret weather machine that controls the weather. You in a Starbucks? It was just a wild guess. And you haven't contributed anything useful to this thread. Have a nice day 🙂
Responder 1 (to responder 2): I'm blocking and reporting you!
click to expand
Brilliant. 😆
And you weren't kidding about the hurricane machine notion.
I looked it up. o.O
OP: I have been having trouble sleeping lately. What's wrong with my chart? *posts chart*
Responder 1: Saturn transiting your 12th house. Are you having problems with your partner?
OP: I'm single.
Responder 2: Venus transit second house might be the cause.
OP: Well, I did buy a new mattress a week ago. The salesperson told me I would never buy a mattress again.
Responder 3: Well, have you considered that it might be a problem with your mattress?
OP: No. My chart never said anything about losing sleep because of an incompatible mattress. Please keep to the topic.
Responder 3: You know, if the mattress is bad, usually there is a return policy. Did you check?
OP: It's not my mattress! There is something wrong with my chart! Stop hijacking my thread!
Resonder 4 (white knighting): Real men don't complain about their mattress. They sleep on whatever is in front of them. You need a real man, namely me. Let's step into my panel van marked "free candy" and talk about it.
OP (to responder 4): No way. Get off my thread!
Responder 3: You know, you could return the mattress and find one more to your liking.
OP: Why is no one talking about my chart!!!!!
*thread dies*
Responder 1: Saturn transiting your 12th house. Are you having problems with your partner?
OP: I'm single.
Responder 2: Venus transit second house might be the cause.
OP: Well, I did buy a new mattress a week ago. The salesperson told me I would never buy a mattress again.
Responder 3: Well, have you considered that it might be a problem with your mattress?
OP: No. My chart never said anything about losing sleep because of an incompatible mattress. Please keep to the topic.
Responder 3: You know, if the mattress is bad, usually there is a return policy. Did you check?
OP: It's not my mattress! There is something wrong with my chart! Stop hijacking my thread!
Resonder 4 (white knighting): Real men don't complain about their mattress. They sleep on whatever is in front of them. You need a real man, namely me. Let's step into my panel van marked "free candy" and talk about it.
OP (to responder 4): No way. Get off my thread!
Responder 3: You know, you could return the mattress and find one more to your liking.
OP: Why is no one talking about my chart!!!!!
*thread dies*
OP: Hi all. I'm having a relationship problem. I met this guy three months ago. We met, he smiled, and I let my guard down and we slept together. I just found out today I'm going to have septuplets. I contacted him, and he hasn't responded. I'm thinking of naming them Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, Sneezy, and Dopey and let him know that.
Do you think he is turned off by the names, or just nervous at being a father to our children?
Responder 1 (female, responds to most threads in the same way): Drop him. Men are evil. You're better off getting a kitten for each of your babies.
Responder 2 (male, never serious): Way to go! That dude is really hitting it!
Responder 3 (female): Your problem is the names you are giving your babies means you aren't taking things very seriously, he senses that and doesn't want to commit. Have you thought about renaming them Olaf, Dietrich, Vladimir, Mortimer, Stanislaus, Ngumbe, and Tweedle?
Responder 4 (typical no-nonsense): Do any of you think this post is for real? Naming children after the seven dwarves from Snow White?
OP: I'm telling the truth! This happened before and I gave the kids the names Greg, Marcia, Peter, Jan, Bobby, and Cindy. With all these kids I'm going to need help. Do you think I can sell them off to science?
Responder 5 : Ok, what was your previous user name?
Do you think he is turned off by the names, or just nervous at being a father to our children?
Responder 1 (female, responds to most threads in the same way): Drop him. Men are evil. You're better off getting a kitten for each of your babies.
Responder 2 (male, never serious): Way to go! That dude is really hitting it!
Responder 3 (female): Your problem is the names you are giving your babies means you aren't taking things very seriously, he senses that and doesn't want to commit. Have you thought about renaming them Olaf, Dietrich, Vladimir, Mortimer, Stanislaus, Ngumbe, and Tweedle?
Responder 4 (typical no-nonsense): Do any of you think this post is for real? Naming children after the seven dwarves from Snow White?
OP: I'm telling the truth! This happened before and I gave the kids the names Greg, Marcia, Peter, Jan, Bobby, and Cindy. With all these kids I'm going to need help. Do you think I can sell them off to science?
Responder 5 : Ok, what was your previous user name?
Sometimes I wish the was more humor about it....
Posted by CancerOnTheCuspSuch as this thread:
Sometimes I wish the was more humor about it....
http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/cancer/confusion-6845242/?checkpg=1
Only thing missing is the accusations of hate or whatever at the one rational poster on the thread (as usual, the Virgo).
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(disclaimer: any resemblance of posts to actual responses are purely circumstantial, and are not directly quoted in any way.....)