When a guy starts asking questions.

Ladies, what goes through your mind when a guy asks "do you have a boyfriend?"


(other than the obvious "yes" or "no" answer.)

Posted by MissFisk
If he's hot: God, I hope you're trying to hit on me...

It he's not my type: God, I hope you're not trying to hit on me

Bwahaha. Right?

Sometimes, my immediate response is "oh gawd."

I was asked this today by a coworker and it got me thinking back to a discussion I'd heard recently about the questions asked when it comes to dating and relating. It consisted of a long list of typical questions that shouldn't be asked for various reasons because if you break it down, they were invasive and a little rude if you really looked at it.

I really don't recall if the "do you have a boyfriend" question came to mind, but I don't think I've ever considered it an "innocent" question. I mean, do most women immediately think "oh gawd he's interested/hitting on me?"

I sorta cringed when I was asked this today because while I think the dude is cool and I would definitely consider it if he were interested, I would avoid it because it's work.

Posted by rockyroadicecream
Ladies, what goes through your mind when a guy asks "do you have a boyfriend?"


(other than the obvious "yes" or "no" answer.)

They're asking coz it's about whether they wish to expend any energy on pursuing you or not. They feel that they like you and if you are single then the pursuit may start, if you are not- well, they've wasted no energy with something that potentially could go nowhere

Posted by MissFisk
If he's hot: God, I hope you're trying to hit on me...

It he's not my type: God, I hope you're not trying to hit on me

ye this

then yes/no --> why? I have to ask why and see if it will lead me to something interesting

After learning about how many guys are on the down-low, pretending to be straight...my thoughts "No, but do you?"

Posted by Nemesis

Posted by WaterCup
After learning about how many guys are on the down-low, pretending to be straight...my thoughts "No, but do you?"

LOL wut?! 😄

click to expand

Hahaha. This is Africa & many of them are too afraid of their parents to step out of the closet so they become"double adapters" with a known gf & a secret bf.

LMAO!!!!

Depending upon my status but either or would be the initial thoughts running through my mind.

- "Mind your own business/None of your business/It is for me to know and not for you to know."

or

- "How rude!"

Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Depending upon my status but either or would be the initial thoughts running through my mind.

- "Mind your own business/None of your business/It is for me to know and not for you to know."

or

- "How rude!"

then how would you want a guy to know if you have a boyfriend?

Posted by firebunny

Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Depending upon my status but either or would be the initial thoughts running through my mind.

- "Mind your own business/None of your business/It is for me to know and not for you to know."

or

- "How rude!"

then how would you want a guy to know if you have a boyfriend?

click to expand

Ah, but the OP had asked what our initial thoughts were and not our actual response afterwards.

Posted by firebunny

Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Depending upon my status but either or would be the initial thoughts running through my mind.

- "Mind your own business/None of your business/It is for me to know and not for you to know."

or

- "How rude!"

then how would you want a guy to know if you have a boyfriend?

click to expand

You're assuming that one wants it known of their relationship status. If some creeper troll is trying to pry for info, no, she doesn't want a guy to know if she has a boyfriend.

If you look at it as a whole, it's actually a very tacky question to ask, tbh.

That's what made that discussion/article really interesting. Things that people seem to think are okay to ask when getting to know someone are actually very tacky and rude questions.

Not to say that I personally find any of it offensive, but it makes sense why some would cringe or hesitate when questions like that are asked.

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by firebunny

Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Depending upon my status but either or would be the initial thoughts running through my mind.

- "Mind your own business/None of your business/It is for me to know and not for you to know."

or

- "How rude!"

then how would you want a guy to know if you have a boyfriend?

You're assuming that one wants it known of their relationship status. If some creeper troll is trying to pry for info, no, she doesn't want a guy to know if she has a boyfriend.

If you look at it as a whole, it's actually a very tacky question to ask, tbh.

That's what made that discussion/article really interesting. Things that people seem to think are okay to ask when getting to know someone are actually very tacky and rude questions.

Not to say that I personally find any of it offensive, but it makes sense why some would cringe or hesitate when questions like that are asked.

click to expand

I kinda see where you're coming from but unless it's really a troll/creep (which I'd think is the minority)...whats the big deal?

Why is it a big secret if you're single or not? It doesn't mean you'd be interested in him or even a relationship at all, but...so what.

I'm single right now.

When I'm in a relationship I've never been afraid or embarrassed to say so.



I also don't get offended easily at all though. I think most times when someone is offended they just need to get over them self or lighten up. People are gonna think and say all kinds of shit. If you let that effect your day, that's on you not them (again, barring true creeps).

Either that, or they're up to no good anyway. If theres nothing to hide, why are you hiding it?

Posted by LadyOfRebirth
To answer the question:

I don't think anything is strange or inappropriate about that question. I'd say either yes or no depending on the status of my love life.

The reason why they ask is because either a) they're interested or b) curious. Simples.

Doesn't mean to say that I elaborate on my love life in details though. To me it's a fairly innocent question.

+1

Ok, I find that the guys who are smart enough, and forward enough to ask this question... before the conversation natural reveals that info, are guys who are playing an angle.

It seems like a respectable question to ask, and in some contexts it is. But more often, I find the person asking, is pushy and invasive.

Its not that I find anything terribly wrong with playing an angle, but be inclined keep on eye on this dude at all times.

Posted by LibraSid

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by firebunny

Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Depending upon my status but either or would be the initial thoughts running through my mind.

- "Mind your own business/None of your business/It is for me to know and not for you to know."

or

- "How rude!"

then how would you want a guy to know if you have a boyfriend?

You're assuming that one wants it known of their relationship status. If some creeper troll is trying to pry for info, no, she doesn't want a guy to know if she has a boyfriend.

If you look at it as a whole, it's actually a very tacky question to ask, tbh.

That's what made that discussion/article really interesting. Things that people seem to think are okay to ask when getting to know someone are actually very tacky and rude questions.

Not to say that I personally find any of it offensive, but it makes sense why some would cringe or hesitate when questions like that are asked.

I also don't get offended easily at all though. I think most times when someone is offended they just need to get over them self or lighten up. People are gonna think and say all kinds of shit. If you let that effect your day, that's on you not them (again, barring true creeps).

Either that, or they're up to no good anyway. If theres nothing to hide, why are you hiding it?

click to expand

It is not about hiding per se, but an attempt to keep a level of privacy in ones life, those that need to know will know. Far too many individuals gossip, and often times social media exasperate/exaggerates/complicates situations which were not necessary in the first place (or could have been prevented). I suppose it also depends upon cultures, personally I abhor what the question implies, often times when people get the answer they want, they keep prying without shame too.

It is also a very personal question and unless I have known you for some time (and want you within my circles), it is still out right rude for another to ask this of me and expect an answer. The lost art of propriety these days.

[shakes my head]

Posted by LibraSid

I kinda see where you're coming from but unless it's really a troll/creep (which I'd think is the minority)...whats the big deal?

Why is it a big secret if you're single or not? It doesn't mean you'd be interested in him or even a relationship at all, but...so what.

I'm single right now.

When I'm in a relationship I've never been afraid or embarrassed to say so.



I also don't get offended easily at all though. I think most times when someone is offended they just need to get over them self or lighten up. People are gonna think and say all kinds of shit. If you let that effect your day, that's on you not them (again, barring true creeps).

Either that, or they're up to no good anyway. If theres nothing to hide, why are you hiding it?

It's not. Only if it is a creeper troll.

...in my experience it's usually the case, which is why I cringe initially.

But how he worded the question, and knowing firebunny, he's just oblivious why women could be iffy about answering that question/have the first thoughts that have been mentioned.

That, and I don't think guys realize that it can be rather annoying at times when they approach. Sure, it's flattering, and I can't fault them for trying, but sometimes we just want to be left alone. Can I just get food/grocery shop/go to work in peace without someone all up in my shit? Haha.

Overall, I don't think it's a bad question or anything, and like you, I don't really get offended all that easily. I just brought up the other because it reminded me of the discussion about things asked when dating. I do think that in some situations it could go terribly wrong in the case of he/she just broke up, he/she is gay, etc. You could be opening up a whole can of worms by asking that question with some individuals.


On a side note, I did find the article about questions not to ask when dating, and all of them seemed pretty obvious and really tacky to ask, but one that I have experienced and heard thrown around with no regard to how shitty it sounds is "SO WHY ARE YOU SINGLE—"

...because I'm not with anyone at the moment? :/

Posted by Astrobyn
Ok, I find that the guys who are smart enough, and forward enough to ask this question... before the conversation natural reveals that info, are guys who are playing an angle.

It seems like a respectable question to ask, and in some contexts it is. But more often, I find the person asking, is pushy and invasive.

Its not that I find anything terribly wrong with playing an angle, but be inclined keep on eye on this dude at all times.

I've thought about it like this, too. Why not just let the info reveal itself via casual convo? If someone is taken, you can find out relatively quickly because the S.O. eventually will come up.

When guys are straight forward like that, it kinda puts a girl on defense if she's not really sure wtf to think. It's like okay is he interested? Is he just making convo? Is he gonna try to hit on me? Is he going to hassle me to date him now? I don't blame some for wanting to keep an eye out. :/

Posted by rockyroadicecream



That, and I don't think guys realize that it can be rather annoying at times when they approach. Sure, it's flattering, and I can't fault them for trying, but sometimes we just want to be left alone. Can I just get food/grocery shop/go to work in peace without someone all up in my shit? Haha.

...



On a side note, I did find the article about questions not to ask when dating, and all of them seemed pretty obvious and really tacky to ask, but one that I have experienced and heard thrown around with no regard to how shitty it sounds is "SO WHY ARE YOU SINGLE—"

...because I'm not with anyone at the moment? :/

To the first paragraph...No. Sorry.
If we let you shop, walk around, go to work, etc. in peace...then you'd ask why no one has the balls to ask anyone out.
We're damned if we do and damned if we don't. At least by harassing you we got a shot 😛


To the second paragraph, following up with a "why?" I can see as rude haha. I don't know, I'm very open and honest. I'm not ashamed of anything and I admit I fuck up now and then. I judge myself more harshly than anyone else anyway.

I haven't read the article yet and may regret saying this, but if I'm dating a woman, she can ask me anything. Of course there's some privacy and timing to consider but I'm easy in that regard.

Posted by LilyTree


It's tricky being 26 and telling men you don't date. They usually look conflicted because it's like they believe me (because I AM being honest), but the logic they follow tells them it's an impossibility and that I MUST be lying to let them down easy, xso they can't believe that they actually believe me.

That's another can of worms that can come with questions like that. You answer yes, it can be cut short pretty quickly, depending on the guy. But if you answer no, then you can get another line of questioning that starts to make you feel shitty/pressured about being single.

Meanwhile, you're just there, trying to get work done, haha.

I'm fine with it and I see nothing wrong with singledom either. But there are a lot of people out there still stuck in the mindset that this is all life is about- getting paired off. If you're single, something must be wrong with you!!one And then adding "by choice" because you don't feel like dating/aren't dating at the moment? Oh yeah, totally lying or something is wrong with you, haha.

But that's why I started this thread- sure it's an innocent enough question, but I know my initial reaction is hesitance and I was curious if this was just a me thing, or women generally have the same reaction, because of all the random ass shit that can come with such a simple question. ...which of course does depend on the guy asking. As was mentioned before, sometimes it's just plain curiosity/making convo, which is fine.

Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Depending upon my status but either or would be the initial thoughts running through my mind.

- "Mind your own business/None of your business/It is for me to know and not for you to know."

or

- "How rude!"

I find this understandable.

Posted by LibraSid

Posted by rockyroadicecream



That, and I don't think guys realize that it can be rather annoying at times when they approach. Sure, it's flattering, and I can't fault them for trying, but sometimes we just want to be left alone. Can I just get food/grocery shop/go to work in peace without someone all up in my shit? Haha.

...



On a side note, I did find the article about questions not to ask when dating, and all of them seemed pretty obvious and really tacky to ask, but one that I have experienced and heard thrown around with no regard to how shitty it sounds is "SO WHY ARE YOU SINGLE—"

...because I'm not with anyone at the moment? :/

To the first paragraph...No. Sorry.
If we let you shop, walk around, go to work, etc. in peace...then you'd ask why no one has the balls to ask anyone out.
We're damned if we do and damned if we don't. At least by harassing you we got a shot 😛


To the second paragraph, following up with a "why?" I can see as rude haha. I don't know, I'm very open and honest. I'm not ashamed of anything and I admit I fuck up now and then. I judge myself more harshly than anyone else anyway.

click to expand

Don't get me wrong. I'm pretty open too. I speak of a lot of this on a general scale. However, from past experiences, being that open and honest has also welcomed a lot of weirdos and negative attention when it wasn't warranted. There are far too many guys who see that as easy target/someone who will tolerate his crazy.

In regard to being left alone = not having the balls to ask someone out- I don't care. Personally, I hate the up front approach from someone I don't know. I think it's forced and makes one look desperate. I prefer generally getting to know them (via friends, school, or whatever the environment may be), and then if they have interest, fine ask me out. Nothing crazy about them flew up on the initial radar so it's not as overwhelming as some stranger basing his interest on your looks/whatever he saw that compelled him to approach.

But if they've gotten to know me a tad, and then can't ask me out, then YES, they have no balls to ask me out, haha. But if I'm not getting approached at grocery stores and all those places, who cares? I'm focused on getting my shit and getting out. Not finding a date.

I gotcha.

It's funny though, if you Google "where to pick up women" or something similar (or read the threads when they come up here), grocery store and gym are some of the top responses. We can't win.

I like the more slow natural way too. The only times I've ever walked up and asked a stranger for her number is when I've been dared to. Never with the intention of using it.

I used to think there was no way it could be an innocent question because if they weren't interested why would they care?....but then one time a guy asked me because he thought his girlfriend and I would really get along and wanted to double date.

Lol nah she wasn't my type

Posted by brianafay
I used to think there was no way it could be an innocent question because if they weren't interested why would they care?....but then one time a guy asked me because he thought his girlfriend and I would really get along and wanted to double date.

Haha, aw, cute.