What kind of person

Would treat you special until you’re no longer useful, at which point they go AWOL on you?

I was working for my boyfriends mom helping move her own mom into a retirement home and overall just “babysit” her mom so she’d stop bothering my bf’s mom. While I was useful his mom seemed to change her opinion about me and almost made me feel like her own daughter. She took me out to eat lunch and dinner and bought me starbucks almost every day, told me about her family struggles, laughed at my jokes, shared some inspirations with me, etc. She was greasing me up so good that I even begged my boyfriend to give her another chance to treat him right because it seems like she wishes he’d visit her as much as he visits his dad.

After work on Tuesday she called me to tell me that on Wednesday&Thursday she wanted me to take her mom to the house we moved her out of to sort through all her stuff to decide what to keep and throw away. I was uncomfortable with this because there’s a hoarding situation at that house that triggers my anxiety; the last time I was at that house I found rat shit inside the toaster, spiders everywhere, more rat shit, and just too much clutter for me to function. So I just told his mom that I don’t think I can do it because I get the heeby-jeeby’s at that house. She seemed upset but was just like “I’ll call you tomorrow”.

After we hung up apparently she called my boyfriend and yelled at him asking what my problem is and saying that’s not how a job works (I didn’t think this was a real job anyways).

On Wednesday she texted me saying her husband will meet me to give me my cash for Tuesday and thanking me for my help.

Then on Thursday I guess she harassed her other son into texting my boyfriend about some boxes le grandma thought were left in my car (they weren’t left there tho).

I just don’t understand why she wouldn’t directly ask me if I had the boxes. When I was helping her she would’ve, but now I’m left with the impression that since I’m no longer helpful she doesn’t wanna talk to me.

Posted by LethalFantasia

Any kind of relationship (work, friendship, romantic) requires an equal exchange of energy

She used you up because you were sweet, caring and genuinely helpful but once you put your foot down with what you weren't rightfully comfortable with, this triggered her controlling/insane ego

Avoid her and do not speak to her until she learns how a relationship works

This +1

She treated you nicely, when you were convenient and accommodating to her needs. But the minute you could not accommodate her last request, which you had the right to deny, and her needs weren't met, she got upset. Now she will likely, treat you like an outsider again. And it will likely be a way to try and manipulate/guilt you, into feeling bad enough to start helping her again, the way she wants it. Which is you, doing everything she asks you to do, by withholding her "affection".

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

What was the upfront agreement about you doing a job and getting paid? If you fucked off before your job was done, I understand why she's mad.

There wasn’t exactly an agreement. Just help out (which I was because I was mostly helping organize her storage building + the adultsitting). I was just supposed to tell her how many hours I worked at the end of the week and she’d pay me accordingly. My goal for Wednesday and Thursday was to finish the storage building and I asked her if I could but I guess she was deadset on her plan.

Posted by LethalFantasia

Any kind of relationship (work, friendship, romantic) requires an equal exchange of energy

She used you up because you were sweet, caring and genuinely helpful but once you put your foot down with what you weren't rightfully comfortable with, this triggered her controlling/insane ego

Avoid her and do not speak to her until she learns how a relationship works

She’s a cancer. Do you think it’s in her nature to be this way or can she really change? My boyfriend said he’s waited 10 years for her to change already 😬

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by LethalFantasia

Any kind of relationship (work, friendship, romantic) requires an equal exchange of energy

She used you up because you were sweet, caring and genuinely helpful but once you put your foot down with what you weren't rightfully comfortable with, this triggered her controlling/insane ego

Avoid her and do not speak to her until she learns how a relationship works

This +1

She treated you nicely, when you were convenient and accommodating to her needs. But the minute you could not accommodate her last request, which you had the right to deny, and her needs weren't met, she got upset. Now she will likely, treat you like an outsider again. And it will likely be a way to try and manipulate/guilt you, into feeling bad enough to start helping her again, the way she wants it. Which is you, doing everything she asks you to do, by withholding her "affection".

click to expand

Guuurl I think she’s already trying to manipulate me because she overpaid me for the work I did this week. I told her husband that and he was like “I think it’s for gas or something”. But I strictly told le mom she doesn’t have to pay me for gas because it’s a personal choice for me to stay at my apartment 1 hour away instead of stay at her house (which she kept insisting for me to spend the night at her house but I was uncomfortable with that idea).

I wish I got to see my mom more so I wouldn’t always get attached to these surrogates :-/

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

What was the upfront agreement about you doing a job and getting paid? If you fucked off before your job was done, I understand why she's mad.

There wasn’t exactly an agreement. Just help out (which I was because I was mostly helping organize her storage building + the adultsitting). I was just supposed to tell her how many hours I worked at the end of the week and she’d pay me accordingly. My goal for Wednesday and Thursday was to finish the storage building and I asked her if I could but I guess she was deadset on her plan.

But the agreement was that you were doing a job, not just hanging out, correct? And she fed you the whole time as well.

click to expand

Incorrect. Hanging out was part of the “job”. It was basically “try to get as much accomplished at the new place as you can, but if grandma is tired just hang out with her so she stops bothering [boyfriends mom]”.

We agreed that she would feed me if I paid for my own gas to get there & didn’t charge for the hours I spent driving there.

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by LethalFantasia

Any kind of relationship (work, friendship, romantic) requires an equal exchange of energy

She used you up because you were sweet, caring and genuinely helpful but once you put your foot down with what you weren't rightfully comfortable with, this triggered her controlling/insane ego

Avoid her and do not speak to her until she learns how a relationship works

This +1

She treated you nicely, when you were convenient and accommodating to her needs. But the minute you could not accommodate her last request, which you had the right to deny, and her needs weren't met, she got upset. Now she will likely, treat you like an outsider again. And it will likely be a way to try and manipulate/guilt you, into feeling bad enough to start helping her again, the way she wants it. Which is you, doing everything she asks you to do, by withholding her "affection".

Guuurl I think she’s already trying to manipulate me because she overpaid me for the work I did this week. I told her husband that and he was like “I think it’s for gas or something”. But I strictly told le mom she doesn’t have to pay me for gas because it’s a personal choice for me to stay at my apartment 1 hour away instead of stay at her house (which she kept insisting for me to spend the night at her house but I was uncomfortable with that idea).

I wish I got to see my mom more so I wouldn’t always get attached to these surrogates :-/

click to expand

Well, chances are, she has been able to use money as a manipulation tool for awhile and it has probably worked on other people in her life. So she thinks, in doing so with you, it will work as well. lol

Posted by Silverado

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by Silverado

You just got labeled 'shitty millennial employee'. That's what's running through her mind right now.

Mine too. I'm also thinking about how a woman in my family would have responded to a potential daughter-in-law being afraid to get her hands dirty.

It's more of a family affair. The poop could have been covered in yersina pestis but it's the fact that she wouldn't help family in their time of need that sticks out more for a mother-in-law than father-in-law.

Women are assholes like that to each other in families.

click to expand

I actually helped them a lot tho. Me and the mom completely emptied out the grandmas shop in one day, moved things to the storage building, and then I spent the last week unpacking and organizing the storage building, all while also helping the grandma run errands and taking her to her doctors appointments.

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by Whorpio

Incorrect. Hanging out was part of the “job”. It was basically “try to get as much accomplished at the new place as you can, but if grandma is tired just hang out with her so she stops bothering [boyfriends mom]”.

We agreed that she would feed me if I paid for my own gas to get there & didn’t charge for the hours I spent driving there.

I mean, you weren't just hanging out with the mom as friends, which is how you presented the situation before the money comes up at the end. You were caring for an elderly person.

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I guess it just felt like we were hanging out since we had to drive around the whole city together the first couple days. That’s when she would act super affectionate, and the calls she made to me to see what me and the grandma were up to she’d always be like “you know I’m starting to like you better than that guy you’re dating”. You don’t say that to an employee.

And after work some days she would invite me to her office to remind her of her own responsibilities or help her pick a dress for a wedding she had or pick a bouquet for a funeral. Reminded me of my own relationship with my mom since I always give her fashion advice 💔

Posted by Silverado

Posted by Whorpio

I actually helped them a lot tho. Me and the mom completely emptied out the grandmas shop in one day, moved things to the storage building, and then I spent the last week unpacking and organizing the storage building, all while also helping the grandma run errands and taking her to her doctors appointments.

That's in the past. You're a woman - you know exactly what I mean about 'Good deed credit scores' between all women.

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Uhh wut

Posted by Silverado

Everyday is a new day to boost your good deed credit score. The counter resets to 0 at night every night.

Besides, you see how she treats her own son. You should know that you're going to get second-class treatment to that.

Every night?! Why can’t it have a longer timeline?!

Yeah I guess I should’ve known better. I just figured she felt personally wronged by her son so that’s why she treats him poorly. Guess I misinterpreted her intent.

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by Whorpio

Guuurl I think she’s already trying to manipulate me because she overpaid me for the work I did this week. I told her husband that and he was like “I think it’s for gas or something”. But I strictly told le mom she doesn’t have to pay me for gas because it’s a personal choice for me to stay at my apartment 1 hour away instead of stay at her house (which she kept insisting for me to spend the night at her house but I was uncomfortable with that idea).

I wish I got to see my mom more so I wouldn’t always get attached to these surrogates :-/

Well, chances are, she has been able to use money as a manipulation tool for awhile and it has probably worked on other people in her life. So she thinks, in doing so with you, it will work as well. lol

click to expand

Yeah my bf did say she uses money to control people. I never understood how people could feel so obligated to owe someone a favor just because they got a lil money from them.

When I first moved out of my parents house they sponsored me but they never hold all the money they invested in me over my head. But my bf said his mom did that to him, and I never understood why he felt like he couldn’t just say “well that was your choice to pay for my college” (maybe it’s easy for me to say I’d say that since I’ve never actually had to say that to my parents). I guess different upbringings and parenting style s are to blame 🤔

P.S. I am forever grateful for the help my parents gave me and I have always had the intent to pay them back even though they insist I don’t owe them. It’s just shocking hearing there are parents who basically insist their kids rely on them and then use that as a manipulation tactic to get favors out of them in the future.

Posted by Silverado

Posted by Whorpio

Yeah my bf did say she uses money to control people. I never understood how people could feel so obligated to owe someone a favor just because they got a lil money from them.

When I first moved out of my parents house they sponsored me but they never hold all the money they invested in me over my head. But my bf said his mom did that to him, and I never understood why he felt like he couldn’t just say “well that was your choice to pay for my college” (maybe it’s easy for me to say I’d say that since I’ve never actually had to say that to my parents). I guess different upbringings and parenting style s are to blame 🤔

Good luck, you're inheriting that same problem by proxy.

click to expand

Is there a way to avoid it without becoming her #1 enemy?

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by Silverado

Posted by Whorpio

Yeah my bf did say she uses money to control people. I never understood how people could feel so obligated to owe someone a favor just because they got a lil money from them.

When I first moved out of my parents house they sponsored me but they never hold all the money they invested in me over my head. But my bf said his mom did that to him, and I never understood why he felt like he couldn’t just say “well that was your choice to pay for my college” (maybe it’s easy for me to say I’d say that since I’ve never actually had to say that to my parents). I guess different upbringings and parenting style s are to blame 🤔

Good luck, you're inheriting that same problem by proxy.

Is there a way to avoid it without becoming her #1 enemy?

click to expand

Yeah.

Avoid eating food from her hand for the next month or 3, unless you wanna get poisoned again for the I've-lost-track-how-many'th time. And at the same time, avoid HER. She might stab you.

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by Whorpio

Guuurl I think she’s already trying to manipulate me because she overpaid me for the work I did this week. I told her husband that and he was like “I think it’s for gas or something”. But I strictly told le mom she doesn’t have to pay me for gas because it’s a personal choice for me to stay at my apartment 1 hour away instead of stay at her house (which she kept insisting for me to spend the night at her house but I was uncomfortable with that idea).

I wish I got to see my mom more so I wouldn’t always get attached to these surrogates :-/

Well, chances are, she has been able to use money as a manipulation tool for awhile and it has probably worked on other people in her life. So she thinks, in doing so with you, it will work as well. lol

Yeah my bf did say she uses money to control people. I never understood how people could feel so obligated to owe someone a favor just because they got a lil money from them.

When I first moved out of my parents house they sponsored me but they never hold all the money they invested in me over my head. But my bf said his mom did that to him, and I never understood why he felt like he couldn’t just say “well that was your choice to pay for my college” (maybe it’s easy for me to say I’d say that since I’ve never actually had to say that to my parents). I guess different upbringings and parenting style s are to blame 🤔

P.S. I am forever grateful for the help my parents gave me and I have always had the intent to pay them back even though they insist I don’t owe them. It’s just shocking hearing there are parents who basically insist their kids rely on them and then use that as a manipulation tactic to get favors out of them in the future.

click to expand

I have an aunt, that did this to my cousin growing up. They condition people in this way, with money. It's hard because its always two factor. Emotional and financial as well. It's almost like handicapping the child financially, so that they become reliant on them to a point of co-dependency. It is hard, when you are raised in that type of behavior, to get out of it. Because the mom almost makes the child, unable to stand up for themselves. Almost as if, the child needs their approval at all times.

The cycle is very difficult to break. And it will extend past him, and onto his children too. I am watching that happen, even now.

She was asking you to work in a house that was infested with rat shit?

Sounds like a horrible, selfish woman..

Posted by MyStarsShine

She was asking you to work in a house that was infested with rat shit?

Sounds like a horrible, selfish woman..

well technically that is a health code violation - I couldn't/wouldn't do it either - she didn't know it was that bad when she accepted the job - there's got to be some common sense here but brains do not seem to be running the show

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by Whorpio

Yeah my bf did say she uses money to control people. I never understood how people could feel so obligated to owe someone a favor just because they got a lil money from them.

When I first moved out of my parents house they sponsored me but they never hold all the money they invested in me over my head. But my bf said his mom did that to him, and I never understood why he felt like he couldn’t just say “well that was your choice to pay for my college” (maybe it’s easy for me to say I’d say that since I’ve never actually had to say that to my parents). I guess different upbringings and parenting style s are to blame 🤔

P.S. I am forever grateful for the help my parents gave me and I have always had the intent to pay them back even though they insist I don’t owe them. It’s just shocking hearing there are parents who basically insist their kids rely on them and then use that as a manipulation tactic to get favors out of them in the future.

I have an aunt, that did this to my cousin growing up. They condition people in this way, with money. It's hard because its always two factor. Emotional and financial as well. It's almost like handicapping the child financially, so that they become reliant on them to a point of co-dependency. It is hard, when you are raised in that type of behavior, to get out of it. Because the mom almost makes the child, unable to stand up for themselves. Almost as if, the child needs their approval at all times.

The cycle is very difficult to break. And it will extend past him, and onto his children too. I am watching that happen, even now.

click to expand

Yeah that’s why I made threads last year asking how I can help my boyfriend stand up to her and also his former roommate lol. I think he’s out of the cycle now though because she only pays for his phone bill and he’s trying really hard to avoid her and he’s gotten better about standing up for himself in all types of fucked up situations. The only reason he’s keeping contact with her is to know what’s going on with his grandma (she has a lot of random hospital stays), but he said after grandma passes away he wants to cut his mom out of his life for a year. And he’s saying that for the 3rd year in a row he’d rather do Christmas with my family because he doesn’t want anything from her, but I’m scared she’s gonna think it’s my idea again and hate me. This is some stressful stuff!

When you say it trickles down to the victims children, do you mean the victim does the same thing to their kid? Or is it the grandparents who do it?

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by MyStarsShine

She was asking you to work in a house that was infested with rat shit?

Sounds like a horrible, selfish woman..

I cleaned out a relative's house this weekend for no pay. There was some mouse poop in the cabinets because she was too sick to clean properly before she died.

Damn, y'all are so eager to call someone you don't know horrible.

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I wouldn't ask a gf of my sons to do that....I'd hire professional people with the proper equipment

She sounds thoughtless...

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by MyStarsShine I wouldn't ask a gf of my sons to do that....I'd hire professional people with the proper equipment

She sounds thoughtless...

Perhaps, or perhaps Whorpio thinks that everyone is out to get her.

Edit: Sorry, stuck that reply in the wrong spot.

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I didn’t even imply that she’s out to get me. I just said there was rat shit in the house and as a germaphobe it made me panic. Furthermore they insist we keep some stuff that was contaminated with rat poop and to me it feels wrong being like “oh ok let me just pack it up”. I feel like you’re supposed to throw things away at that point.

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by MyStarsShine I wouldn't ask a gf of my sons to do that....I'd hire professional people with the proper equipment

She sounds thoughtless...

Perhaps, or perhaps Whorpio thinks that everyone is out to get her.

Edit: Sorry, stuck that reply in the wrong spot.

I didn’t even imply that she’s out to get me. I just said there was rat shit in the house and as a germaphobe it made me panic. Furthermore they insist we keep some stuff that was contaminated with rat poop and to me it feels wrong being like “oh ok let me just pack it up”. I feel like you’re supposed to throw things away at that point.

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You're not being unreasonable....

Well if you were getting paid then yes it's a job, people pay to get whatever needs to be done, not to hear excuses . If you didn't like the arrangement you had to say NO

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by MyStarsShine I wouldn't ask a gf of my sons to do that....I'd hire professional people with the proper equipment

She sounds thoughtless...

Perhaps, or perhaps Whorpio thinks that everyone is out to get her.

Edit: Sorry, stuck that reply in the wrong spot.

I didn’t even imply that she’s out to get me. I just said there was rat shit in the house and as a germaphobe it made me panic. Furthermore they insist we keep some stuff that was contaminated with rat poop and to me it feels wrong being like “oh ok let me just pack it up”. I feel like you’re supposed to throw things away at that point.

If you're talking lots and lots of rat shit, I totally get that. I just remember that you've had problems with your boyfriend's mother, roommate, landlord, and brother, so I'm wondering if you are the problem or if your boyfriend is super unlucky.

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.... but she has a phobia, think of what you may be phobic about, e.g. I'm scared of snakes and wouldn't go within a mile of one....

Posted by Phantom_Limbo If you're talking lots and lots of rat shit, I totally get that. I just remember that you've had problems with your boyfriend's mother, roommate, landlord, and brother, so I'm wondering if you are the problem or if your boyfriend is super unlucky.

He is super unlucky. I’ve actually thought about making a thread asking what aspects in someone’s chart sets them up to be misfortunate because he is the most unlucky person I’ve ever met.

Why is a grown ass man still having his mother pay his phone bill?

Posted by _Dazed

Why is a grown ass man still having his mother pay his phone bill?

He offered to pay it himself because one day she was acting like it’s a burden for her, but then she insisted she should pay it because it’s cheaper for her.

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by Phantom_Limbo If you're talking lots and lots of rat shit, I totally get that. I just remember that you've had problems with your boyfriend's mother, roommate, landlord, and brother, so I'm wondering if you are the problem or if your boyfriend is super unlucky.

He is super unlucky. I’ve actually thought about making a thread asking what aspects in someone’s chart sets them up to be misfortunate because he is the most unlucky person I’ve ever met.

Does he write? Unlucky lives make great memoirs.

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Nooo lmao he has dyslexia so reading and writing are hard and he thinks there are better things to do with his time.

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by Phantom_Limbo If you're talking lots and lots of rat shit, I totally get that. I just remember that you've had problems with your boyfriend's mother, roommate, landlord, and brother, so I'm wondering if you are the problem or if your boyfriend is super unlucky.

He is super unlucky. I’ve actually thought about making a thread asking what aspects in someone’s chart sets them up to be misfortunate because he is the most unlucky person I’ve ever met.

Does he write? Unlucky lives make great memoirs.

Nooo lmao he has dyslexia so reading and writing are hard and he thinks there are better things to do with his time.

Well, then you write it. That's how you can guarantee that his mom will hate you! lol

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I don’t want her to hate me! The goal is to make her love me so I have a mom here in the south 😅😅

Posted by tiziani

Just work twice as hard next time.

If you're fully helpful and she still complains that's when I think it's understandable to german suplex the in-laws.

I had to google “German suplex”



I’m shook 😱😱

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by Whorpio I don’t want her to hate me! The goal is to make her love me so I have a mom here in the south 😅😅

Has any of the advice you've gotten here about her worked so far? lol!

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No but you gave me an idea! I think she’d be pretty happy if someone wrote a memoir for her... 🙋‍♀️

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by Phantom_Limbo

Posted by MyStarsShine I wouldn't ask a gf of my sons to do that....I'd hire professional people with the proper equipment

She sounds thoughtless...

Perhaps, or perhaps Whorpio thinks that everyone is out to get her.

Edit: Sorry, stuck that reply in the wrong spot.

I didn’t even imply that she’s out to get me. I just said there was rat shit in the house and as a germaphobe it made me panic. Furthermore they insist we keep some stuff that was contaminated with rat poop and to me it feels wrong being like “oh ok let me just pack it up”. I feel like you’re supposed to throw things away at that point.

If you're talking lots and lots of rat shit, I totally get that. I just remember that you've had problems with your boyfriend's mother, roommate, landlord, and brother, so I'm wondering if you are the problem or if your boyfriend is super unlucky.

.... but she has a phobia, think of what you may be phobic about, e.g. I'm scared of snakes and wouldn't go within a mile of one....

I, personally, am not a hard ass in the least. I would totally understand that and give her lots of leeway. She's sweet, and I fall for her posts, so I'm sure I'd fall for her in person. 😉 However, old school people aren't like that, and when in Rome... I'll admit the bias I had when I was reading this is that I was imagining the mouse poop I cleaned up just a few days ago, and it was just a tiny amount and easy to sweep into a bag and be done with. I just turned my head so I wouldn't breathe it. When she said germaphobe I assumed she meant it the way most people do, which isn't as serious as all that.

@Whorpio, I don't really care about this enough to be so argumentative. I'm sorry for doing that in your thread.

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I didn't assume that, i sensed it would be a real problem for her handling rat shit, like it would be for me handling snakes or others handling spiders....

Posted by Phantom_LimboNope! I had nothing to do with this.

THIS WAS ALL YOUR IDEA and if it turns into a failure I’m gonna say YOU wrote it 👿😜

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by Whorpio Yeah my bf did say she uses money to control people. I never understood how people could feel so obligated to owe someone a favor just because they got a lil money from them.

When I first moved out of my parents house they sponsored me but they never hold all the money they invested in me over my head. But my bf said his mom did that to him, and I never understood why he felt like he couldn’t just say “well that was your choice to pay for my college” (maybe it’s easy for me to say I’d say that since I’ve never actually had to say that to my parents). I guess different upbringings and parenting style s are to blame 🤔

P.S. I am forever grateful for the help my parents gave me and I have always had the intent to pay them back even though they insist I don’t owe them. It’s just shocking hearing there are parents who basically insist their kids rely on them and then use that as a manipulation tactic to get favors out of them in the future.

I have an aunt, that did this to my cousin growing up. They condition people in this way, with money. It's hard because its always two factor. Emotional and financial as well. It's almost like handicapping the child financially, so that they become reliant on them to a point of co-dependency. It is hard, when you are raised in that type of behavior, to get out of it. Because the mom almost makes the child, unable to stand up for themselves. Almost as if, the child needs their approval at all times.

The cycle is very difficult to break. And it will extend past him, and onto his children too. I am watching that happen, even now.

Yeah that’s why I made threads last year asking how I can help my boyfriend stand up to her and also his former roommate lol. I think he’s out of the cycle now though because she only pays for his phone bill and he’s trying really hard to avoid her and he’s gotten better about standing up for himself in all types of fucked up situations. The only reason he’s keeping contact with her is to know what’s going on with his grandma (she has a lot of random hospital stays), but he said after grandma passes away he wants to cut his mom out of his life for a year. And he’s saying that for the 3rd year in a row he’d rather do Christmas with my family because he doesn’t want anything from her, but I’m scared she’s gonna think it’s my idea again and hate me. This is some stressful stuff!

When you say it trickles down to the victims children, do you mean the victim does the same thing to their kid? Or is it the grandparents who do it?

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It means that his mom will overstep boundaries and essentially try and take over the parenting on your kids. To the point where, she believes she can tell you want you can and cannot do with your own kid and by the time you realize it, it's too late. She will be so involved in that child's life that the child itself will think your the mean one.

Don’t take it too much to heart.

Imagine the anxiety she’s has in dealing with the hoarding situation all these years. She’s projecting that onto you cause she can’t onto her mom. Is it shitty of her, yup.

But keep it classy and don’t say anything you can’t take back. After all it’s your boo’s mom. At the very least you can be grateful for her bringing him into this world, even if that’s right where the good feels towards her stops.

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by WhorpioWhen you say it trickles down to the victims children, do you mean the victim does the same thing to their kid? Or is it the grandparents who do it?

It means that his mom will overstep boundaries and essentially try and take over the parenting on your kids. To the point where, she believes she can tell you want you can and cannot do with your own kid and by the time you realize it, it's too late. She will be so involved in that child's life that the child itself will think your the mean one.

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I wish there was an angry react button here because that sounds horrible! Thanks for the input, and sorry that’s happening to your cousin. That’s frickin crazy! How do you even prevent that though? Just never allow them to meet your kid? 😕

Posted by Whorpio

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by WhorpioWhen you say it trickles down to the victims children, do you mean the victim does the same thing to their kid? Or is it the grandparents who do it?

It means that his mom will overstep boundaries and essentially try and take over the parenting on your kids. To the point where, she believes she can tell you want you can and cannot do with your own kid and by the time you realize it, it's too late. She will be so involved in that child's life that the child itself will think your the mean one.

I wish there was an angry react button here because that sounds horrible! Thanks for the input, and sorry that’s happening to your cousin. That’s frickin crazy! How do you even prevent that though? Just never allow them to meet your kid? 😕

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Don't let them do "favors" for your kids. Even if it sounds amazing and great for your child. Do it yourself instead.

Posted by MareInfame

Yeah... I’ve helped out family and ex boyfriends family without pay as well. Never would expect it, because I did it out of love.

I don’t get the use of the word “help” when you are getting paid. That no longer goes under good Samaritan... it’s just doing a job at that point.

She pays us to do anything for her. She was paying my boyfriends brother to do the same exact stuff she was asking me to do. Only difference is I’d show up first thing in the morning while the brother sleeps until 2PM. I think that’s why she asked me to step in, because you get more done when you start at 9AM. And it was her idea to pay me (she ran this idea by my boyfriend). I had the option to work somewhere else but I chose to help them instead to show that I do care and that how my bf feels about his family is different than how I feel about them.