Asking for Help (Page 2)

I went to the interview, still pissed underneath. I was given the job on the spot, and been there since. I DO love my job, my boss, my co-workers, my clients and customers. I am VERY happy... but it took a bit for my angry indignation at his high-handedness to dissipate. I'd thanked him at the time (you know the kind of thanks I mean.. feels like Thanks But).. but later I thanked him for real, and told him I appreciated him looking out for me.. it wasn't for him, he didn't care if I worked or not, or even really if he took on the role of breadwinner and billpayer. It was MY needs he was catering to.

Only ONCE did he flippantly say something about "getting" me the job.. and I looked at him with my Fishy eyes and said, "You gave me the lead, you built a fire under my ass.. but *I* "got" the job, no one else. Remember that." lol Fish pride and Can Do attitude to the end. But at least I've learned since then to ASK for his help, and not just with a heavy box. But anyone else, not my Beloved? No, I don't ask for help. Maybe if I'm stuck under a fallen filing cabinet.. I might call out to someone for assistance. Or I might not. lol

awwww... Nefer that was such a GREAT story!

My Pisces has 3 "lifer" friends.. a Virgo, a Cappy and a Taurus! (an Aries too but he is more for sh*ts and giggles) Thank god!!! I do not play an earthy, grounding role at all in his life. I light his fire and nurture his emotions... 😉

thanks Nefer and lesson learned. enough of you have said it so it must be true. if one helps a pisces, one must not regard the aid as a necessity...or speak of it having been a necessity.

im trying to think if i would be pissed if someone said, "you wouldn't have this/that if it weren't for me." i wonder if the response you're all alluding to isn't a uniquely pisces trait?

hmm...actually, i think it MIGHT BE a pisces/virgo thing. i just thought of a personal instance and i'm more the type who would say, "thank god you did this/that because without your help, i'd probably still be stuck." thus, i'm more likely to express gratitude in instances where i truly had not moved forward on a particular issue and someone else is able to come in and shine light on a path.

in these rare instances, after all is said and done, i am very happy to have received the help and be unburdened. so for me, i don't think the person would be given the opportunity to say "look how i helped you" because i'd be the first to acknowledge that help and thank them for it now and well into the future. in a way, i feel that their having helped me overcome a potentially dire state requires a level of indebtedness and personally, i will always feel the need to lend aid to that person because they had my back...regardless of whether i asked.

i think that that^ attitude is what causes conflict/inspired this post in part. i don't see what's so wrong with having someone in your corner who can pull/push you forward in spite of your kicking and screaming. i mean, i may not have enjoyed the trek up the mountain, but i'll be damn proud i made and all the more happy if there's someone with me who can also share the view.

so given what Nefer posted, i wonder if there's something else at the root of an inability of pisces to ask for help. as she said, she was content with the security her past life offered and despite global economic turmoil, the hole wasn't deep enough to inspire change...

Posted by caligula
if one helps a pisces, one must not regard the aid as a necessity...or speak of it having been a necessity.

i wonder if there's something else at the root of an inability of pisces to ask for help.

idk... you may need to define "help"

My Pisces asks me for help all the time. Sometimes he asks my opinion, sometimes for me to just listen. Sometimes he asks me to be patience and at others to stfu..

cont...

in that^ vein, i'm starting to visualize the difference between how i look at challenges vs. a pisces. i wonder if the following is true...

as a taurus, i see myself as a formidable force, so conquering mountains is par for the course. when faced with something difficult, i envision myself at the base of a hill. as time goes on and the issue becomes more compounded, the hill gets larger and steeper and if left to fester, i eventually find myself confronted with a mountain. hell, even if the issue doesn't morph, the longer i keep from doing something, the more insurmountable even a mole hill appears.

i'm naturally lazy, so the bigger the mountain, the more strength i need to gather for the journey. while at the base, i may appear immobile, but in reality, i'm in a state of preparation. thing is, the longer i prepare, the larger the mountain can get, which requires more preparation, which means the mountain gets bigger, which requires more... you get the idea.

so there i am, at the base of this mountain with supplies galore, checking and double checking my route. then along comes a fishy...

fishy: "hey bull, what's going on?"

bull: ...

fishy: "are you going somewhere?"

bull: *does this idiot not see all this shit? the tent, the grappling hooks, the rope, the 100 packs of jerky?* "uhm, i'm kinda busy here and you're dripping water all over my backpack."

fishy: "sorry, i didn't even notice the pack. i guess that means you're going up the mountain?"

bull: *wow! really?*

fishy: "you mind if i tag along?"

bull: "what?"

fishy: "you mind if i go with you? i've always wanted to climb a mountain. plus, you're going to need help getting all this stuff up there" *fish picks up a pack from the assortment of 12 the bull has accumulated*

bull: "are you serious? you really want to go?"

fishy: "sure why not? i don't have anything better to do. are we going now?"

bull: *dumbfounded*

the bull has a choice as pisces doesn't typically lead. the bull can accept that she's ready and relish in the odd, yet convenient company of the fish OR, the bull can continue to accumulate security while the fishy helps gather supplies for a journey that may/may not come some day...

cont...

the point in this exercise is that i'm bored and don't feel like shooting zombies. the other point is that for me, i view challenges as something that i need to be prepared for and that requires action on my part. i must SECURE things to make the journey possible. once my security threshold is reached, i'm good to go.

with that said, i'm trying to envision how a challenge would look from the eyes of a pisces and in turn, what a fish needs to begin tackling said challenge. if taurus needs security, a pisces must need...

*goes off to ponder*

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by caligula
if one helps a pisces, one must not regard the aid as a necessity...or speak of it having been a necessity.

i wonder if there's something else at the root of an inability of pisces to ask for help.

idk... you may need to define "help"

My Pisces asks me for help all the time. Sometimes he asks my opinion, sometimes for me to just listen. Sometimes he asks me to be patience and at others to stfu..

click to expand

what's his mercury?

Posted by caligula


with that said, i'm trying to envision how a challenge would look from the eyes of a pisces and in turn, what a fish needs to begin tackling said challenge. if taurus needs security, a pisces must need...

*goes off to ponder*

loving support?

I like your analogy. I had a whole bunch of stuff I was going to write before you started writing a whole bunch of stuff. But now I'm hungry..

My Fish told me that he feels indebted to those who help him. He has friends he can go to if he ever feels the need for "tangible help" but somewhere in the back of his mind he feels that debt needs to be paid and he doesn't like to feel obligated.

I however, believe that he will go above and beyond to "repay" that debt or kind act if this person is close to him. The "debt" doesn't end. If that person is not close, or they "freely" gave/did things for him he could care less.

Being male, he does not like to have that feeling of being "indebted" to a lover or partner. Has been there in the past and it puts a damper on the loving feelings. So in our case... he doesn't come to me for things like that. not my role.

Posted by caligula

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by caligula
if one helps a pisces, one must not regard the aid as a necessity...or speak of it having been a necessity.

i wonder if there's something else at the root of an inability of pisces to ask for help.

idk... you may need to define "help"

My Pisces asks me for help all the time. Sometimes he asks my opinion, sometimes for me to just listen. Sometimes he asks me to be patience and at others to stfu..

what's his mercury?

click to expand

aquarius

Posted by caligula

with that said, i'm trying to envision how a challenge would look from the eyes of a pisces and in turn, what a fish needs to begin tackling said challenge. if taurus needs security, a pisces must need...

*goes off to ponder*

Acceptance. It's what every Pisces I've ever known truly craves at their core. Accept us as we are, love us anyway.. and watch us change, unforced.

Tau needs security, to prepare.. Fish needs love, and utter acceptance.

Don't try to force a change, not even if you KNOW it's for our betterment, not even if you know me so well that you KNOW I would be thrilled to change this or accomplish something or do this thing, whatever it is you've got in mind for me. I'll balk.. I've seen it so many times in other Fish folk, I've DONE it so many times. Mostly on some half-cocked bullheaded childish principle.. if you don't accept me the way I am, then I'll be double-damned if I'll give you the satisfaction of changing something you want (that I don't feel/see particularly NEEDS changing.) I change/grow/evolve automatically, all but unconsciously.. I do it BECAUSE of you, but not FOR you... if that makes any sense. I DO change.. but not if I'm pushed. I want to be better for me, for you, for us.. but only when it's something I agree should be changed. I can't be MADE to do anything against my will... but I can be persuaded, convinced, enlightened.. by knowing you love and accept me EVEN IF I never change/do this thing you want. (But honestly.. I don't know how much of that is Pisces.. and how much is my Taurus underneath -- they're so blended, it's hard to separate. I'd say my need for you to ACCEPT me is all Pisces. But my refusal to move or give in unless I want to? All Tau.)

Also, I wanted to add... when I found out about my income crisis.. I was indeed pretty panicked inside, unsure what to do.. mentally going over my options and ideas.. but I hadn't DONE anything yet when Libra took it into his own hands and arranged the interview for me.. after 11 days. *laughs*

It's not like I sat for months, or even weeks.. blissfully blindered and ignoring my house of cards falling in around my head... I spent a week and a half trying to figure out my next move.. and Libra jumped the gun a little, and I was insulted and indignant. All I could think was he thought me so incapable of taking care of my own business that he felt he HAD to intervene after 11 days? Just because HE would have been submitting his resume to 30 places the very next day, me thinking things through for several days didn't mean I couldn't handle my own shit.

I'm not angry with him, though I was at first. It worked out rather nicely (like he said it would, in fact).. and I'd like to think I still wouldn't blame or resent his pushing me into the job, if the job hadn't gone so well, or if I hated it. Yeah, I'd like to think that. But it didn't happen that way, soooo...

*ponder*

oops, missed this as i was playing in the desert.

thanks Nefer. i love unconditionally...in theory. i think as a taurus, it's difficult to not enact some level of possession when it comes to another person's life/choices/actions/dreams/hopes/wishes/diet... i think the fact that they are MINE means i get to play dress up. i do see how helping can imply that something is wrong in the first place and given that pisces doesn't like criticism...hmm...

learning how to let a fish be a fish and loving them along the way...i wish it were a how-to book.

Posted by squarethecircle

Posted by caligula

I wrote all this to say, is it difficult for Pisces to ASK for help? Far too often my Pisces bff has said that even though she has difficulty communicating it at times, her Lib "should just know" what she needs. Personally, I'm finding that Pisces are able to receive/accept unsolicited assistance positively, but as with my bff, there are times when a helping hand is resented in some way. As I said, she knew that he submitted her resume to help her and to end her daily frustrations with her previous job, but the notion that he did it without communicating this to her was upsetting.

So the question again is, does Pisces have difficulty asking for help? In addition, is it a good idea/helpful when your partner helps you even though you haven't asked for it directly?

I will speak only for myself and not the collective.

I have a hard time asking for help. I will exhaust all avenues before it is absolutely clear that I can't do it by myself. I think it is because of an ego and lack of ego.

This is what has played in my head over the years...
Ego-I can handle it. I am capable. I am intelligent. I am weak if I don't handle this. I can not be weak. I don't have that luxury.
Lack of Ego- I don't want to bother people with my stupid issues. My problems are not as bad as others. They deserve the help more than me.

On receiving help...
I resent it but treasure it. Goes back to ego and lack of one. I am very grateful that someone can recognize my need for help and take action. So so so grateful. it actually makes me feel loved. and makes me love them more. But it makes me feel vulnerable and weak. In the past, I did expect my guy/friend/family to just "know". I think it is because I "just know" and act on their behalf. Slowly but surely, I have realized that's not fair to expect that of people. I need to communicate. I am allowed to be "weak" and I need people. I am aware that I do have passive aggressive tendencies and I am trying to work on being more upfront. I think it will always be a battle though.

click to expand

VERY VERY WELL SPOKEN Squarethecircle. I don't think I could have said it better!

Interesting thread, to say the least.

I have an aunt who is a Pisces. She's always struck me as a private person, so most wouldn't even know if something was going on in her life that required a helping hand. I do know that there are specific people she will reach out to when she finds herself in a bind. The only reason I know that is because those people told me. She once said she never reached out to my mom (her big sis) for guidance because she didn't want to disturb her life or distract her from her own concerns.

I have a Pisces friend who rarely lets others know when she needs help. I recently discovered that she's become ill (mentally). At least, it seems that way. 😢 I want her to get help, but it's looking like she won't accept it.

I partnered with a classmate in my graduate program who's also a Pisces. She's incredibly independant and very much a "go-getter", but she won't hesitate to ask for help if she thinks she needs it.