at night I dream of the Pisces. And the aqua takes up my day dreams

Posted by Mr_Pinchy

So at first glance it seems youre coping with your fear of abandonement through developing feelings for multiple people, as in its a numbers game, if one drops you theres the other?

Thats not a good long term strategy. People will truly drop you once they figure out half of you is attached somewhere else.

2 cents

Posted by thinktankPisces

Abandonment abuse is abandonment abuse, but dont use it to make it right for you to cheat on people, hurt other people feeling.

Posted by Ellygant

Nothing ever lasts. We are born into this world alone. We die and must leave it alone.

In between, we are blessed to be connected always. Maybe not in a way that matches our ideals or hopes. But we are always connected to the world around us. Not just people.

Your dreams are unfinished ties. You still hold on the past because letting go would mean growing up and you’re not quite ready to do that, for whatever reason. Fear. Control. Responsibility. Could be any or something else. But you’re the only one with the power to find that out.

The Pisces couldn’t save you. The aqua won’t save you. No amount of dreaming or love or astral travel can make you love you. That’s a choice you must make for yourself. When people have the unfortunate circumstance of not receiving proper care as a child, of not developing their identity and ego in a secure environment, they spend their adulthood having to learn on their own. While trying to parent themselves.

Posted by WaterDevil

Posted by Mr_Pinchy

So at first glance it seems youre coping with your fear of abandonement through developing feelings for multiple people, as in its a numbers game, if one drops you theres the other?

Thats not a good long term strategy. People will truly drop you once they figure out half of you is attached somewhere else.

2 cents

Though I agree with you in certain situations. But what I’m talking about people who identify as “poly minded humans”. In which case you can have equally deep and meaningful relationships platonic or not simultaneously in life. The question is is not wether or not I’m stringing along the aqua, as you put in so many words. But wether or not it’s worth it to hold on to the Pisces. And how my experiences with the Pisces and those who came before her are causing me trust issues in new relationships in my life “I.e. the aqua” who I find my self growing more and more feelings toward everyday. She also has an ex she has strong feelings for and is still friends with. But, and we have actually communicated on this topic a lot, she has something completely different with her, as each person in our lives is very different. No one love story is the same, and they simply sleep with one another here and there. But more in a friends with benefits type of way. And she simply (like my self) doesn’t necessarily stop caring about people. And wants to keep friendships. Why never speak with someone again just because it doesn’t work out romantically? So long as both parties still respect one another and enjoy other parts of each other, relationships evolve in to different things. No 2npeiple are ever the same as the first day they meet. And we both understand that what her and I have together is new and fresh. A “beginning” if you will which neither of us is experiencing with anyone else in our lives. As far as we discussed.

click to expand

Posted by STILL

Do the Aqua a favor and let her know that you are still hung up on someone else; That you usually are all consumed with the new person in your life, but not with her. Do not sugar coat, be straight up.

Posted by Mr_Pinchy

Posted by WaterDevil

Posted by Mr_Pinchy

So at first glance it seems youre coping with your fear of abandonement through developing feelings for multiple people, as in its a numbers game, if one drops you theres the other?

Thats not a good long term strategy. People will truly drop you once they figure out half of you is attached somewhere else.

2 cents

Though I agree with you in certain situations. But what I’m talking about people who identify as “poly minded humans”. In which case you can have equally deep and meaningful relationships platonic or not simultaneously in life. The question is is not wether or not I’m stringing along the aqua, as you put in so many words. But wether or not it’s worth it to hold on to the Pisces. And how my experiences with the Pisces and those who came before her are causing me trust issues in new relationships in my life “I.e. the aqua” who I find my self growing more and more feelings toward everyday. She also has an ex she has strong feelings for and is still friends with. But, and we have actually communicated on this topic a lot, she has something completely different with her, as each person in our lives is very different. No one love story is the same, and they simply sleep with one another here and there. But more in a friends with benefits type of way. And she simply (like my self) doesn’t necessarily stop caring about people. And wants to keep friendships. Why never speak with someone again just because it doesn’t work out romantically? So long as both parties still respect one another and enjoy other parts of each other, relationships evolve in to different things. No 2npeiple are ever the same as the first day they meet. And we both understand that what her and I have together is new and fresh. A “beginning” if you will which neither of us is experiencing with anyone else in our lives. As far as we discussed.

Oh youre a dude—

Bye....

Ps: best of luck

click to expand

Posted by WaterDevil

Posted by STILL

Do the Aqua a favor and let her know that you are still hung up on someone else; That you usually are all consumed with the new person in your life, but not with her. Do not sugar coat, be straight up.

But that’s such a harsh way of putting something in to words that don’t match how I feel about her at all. I adore the aqua a lot. When I say “consuming” that word has terrible conotaion relative to me. Consumed and obsessed go hand in hand. And those are unhealthy behaviors. And arguably not even real love but the complete oopisite. I’m bit used to how I’m being treated by the aqua to the point where I don’t feel deserving. But that’s the ptsd from my childhood. I’m not stringing her along at all. I want to be the best I can be for her, I’m caring about her more and more everyday. I forgot to ad, last night I dreamt of her for the first time. And it was a very nice sweet dream. Nothing sexual. Just made me feel so good thinking of her. I’m just dealing with a loss here, and it’s triggering. But I have been planning on telling her when it comes up. It’s just not relevant rn. But we are very open and honest with one another

click to expand

Posted by Ellygant

Posted by WaterDevil

Posted by Ellygant

Nothing ever lasts. We are born into this world alone. We die and must leave it alone.

In between, we are blessed to be connected always. Maybe not in a way that matches our ideals or hopes. But we are always connected to the world around us. Not just people.

Your dreams are unfinished ties. You still hold on the past because letting go would mean growing up and you’re not quite ready to do that, for whatever reason. Fear. Control. Responsibility. Could be any or something else. But you’re the only one with the power to find that out.

The Pisces couldn’t save you. The aqua won’t save you. No amount of dreaming or love or astral travel can make you love you. That’s a choice you must make for yourself. When people have the unfortunate circumstance of not receiving proper care as a child, of not developing their identity and ego in a secure environment, they spend their adulthood having to learn on their own. While trying to parent themselves.

You took the words out of my mouth in those last two sentences. And thank you for this. You really understand where I was going with all this. As I said I see a therapist since last year. It’s helped me emensely not to have me act out in those moments of fear and work through them. And now the next step is truly loving my self. But I no longer am always so hard on my self. So progress. However, I don’t believe in the entire “if you can’t love your self you can’t love anyone else” concept. I’m not gonna go in to detail on that rn but I’m reading a book called “all about love”. It’s a feminist view point and basically validated me so much. Everyone goes through life’s ups and downs. And their ability to love others doesn’t change. That’s what’s makes us warriors. When we are healing we still find the power to extend love to others. Just last night the aqua told me “love is actions and reactions. You give love so that a person you care about receives it. With our expectations in return.” It was in light of a relative conversation we were having in her describing to me what her mom taught her. Which was such a special little story”.

You misunderstand my words. I didn’t say no one would love you until you love yourself. I said no amount of love from others would make you love yourself.

That saying, while kitschy has roots in truth. Insecurity, fear, abandonment, trauma. Whatever the poison is, until you learn how to work through it, it doesn’t matter how much you love someone or they love you, the toxicity will eventually poison the relationship.

Aquas are caretakers at their heart. They often date broken or damaged people because they have tremendous healing abilities. That same ability can also make them a bit codependent, and ultimately resentful of themselves and the relationship. But not until months or years later, often long after they’ve lost themselves.

Nothing in what you said about love is inherently wrong. But put in the wrong circumstance or twisted to a selfish context, it’s extremely damaging. Yes, love is a universal concept that can accomplish tremendous things. However don’t forget it’s easy to muddle philosophy with selfish motivations.

I just made my points, because based on your posting history, there seems to be patterns of savior/martyr relationships and muse/creator relationships. Those have their place for sure. But repeating the same story with different people points to the origin being how you deal with yourself not how you deal with others.

Good on the therapy. The right person and you being willing can completely change your life.

click to expand

Posted by STILL

Posted by WaterDevil

Posted by STILL

Do the Aqua a favor and let her know that you are still hung up on someone else; That you usually are all consumed with the new person in your life, but not with her. Do not sugar coat, be straight up.

But that’s such a harsh way of putting something in to words that don’t match how I feel about her at all. I adore the aqua a lot. When I say “consuming” that word has terrible conotaion relative to me. Consumed and obsessed go hand in hand. And those are unhealthy behaviors. And arguably not even real love but the complete oopisite. I’m bit used to how I’m being treated by the aqua to the point where I don’t feel deserving. But that’s the ptsd from my childhood. I’m not stringing her along at all. I want to be the best I can be for her, I’m caring about her more and more everyday. I forgot to ad, last night I dreamt of her for the first time. And it was a very nice sweet dream. Nothing sexual. Just made me feel so good thinking of her. I’m just dealing with a loss here, and it’s triggering. But I have been planning on telling her when it comes up. It’s just not relevant rn. But we are very open and honest with one another

That's how we like things conveyed to us, raw and unfiltered.

My point is if you don't feel "consumed" with her, but with everyone else, something's off. You say that you're not stringing her along, but going by your posts it comes off as if you are.

'I’m bit used to how I’m being treated by the aqua to the point where I don’t feel deserving.'

Also your statement above ^ prompts me to say that I hope you are not using her for a self esteem boost. Obviously you aren't consciously doing so, but IMO that undeserving feeling is there for a reason.

Read my other responses. But my “undeserving feelings” are from childhood traumas. But it has nothing to do with a confidence boost. I’m still confident in who I am, it’s more so being compassionate to my self and telling my self it’s okay to be with someone good. That I’m receiving what I’m puting out in to the world due to my spiritual growth I’ve done the last two years. And that I’m having trouble accepting that. But I’ve cross examined that in therapy. And asked my therapist to check my intentions. Because i simply don’t want to disappoint anyone. That’s the underlying thing really. I’ve always “disappointed” those I’ve lost. And I never learned how to be good other than burning my hand on the stove. But my therapist basically is reiterating to me that I’ve earned my stripes. And I need to tell my self I deserve to be happy again. And deserve love. For I know how to love and how not to finally. I trust my self. Currently. But my fear is is my passed pains coming up again. But that has nothing to do with how much I respect this woman and want to do my best to be the best version of my self for her. And with no expectations other than doing the right things for the right reasons. And loving the right people for the right reasons. Where as everyone else in my life have been for the wrong reasons. This is just something new. And change is scary. Even positive change. But I’m not gonna talk my self out of a completely positive situation. We communicated so well just last night. To where I know exactly where She stands and she knows exactly where I stand. And that neither of us are looking in to a future with one another quite yet. But just focusing moment to moment. Having fun. And enjoying each other for who we are and what it is. Nothing more and nothing less. And she knows my fears. My abandonment issues. And my ass hole past. And she knows I’m working on it. And we have just over all accepted one another thus far. She does her own thing. And allows me to do mine. Including respect and trust.

click to expand

Posted by WaterDevil

Posted by STILL

Posted by WaterDevil

Posted by STILL

Do the Aqua a favor and let her know that you are still hung up on someone else; That you usually are all consumed with the new person in your life, but not with her. Do not sugar coat, be straight up.

But that’s such a harsh way of putting something in to words that don’t match how I feel about her at all. I adore the aqua a lot. When I say “consuming” that word has terrible conotaion relative to me. Consumed and obsessed go hand in hand. And those are unhealthy behaviors. And arguably not even real love but the complete oopisite. I’m bit used to how I’m being treated by the aqua to the point where I don’t feel deserving. But that’s the ptsd from my childhood. I’m not stringing her along at all. I want to be the best I can be for her, I’m caring about her more and more everyday. I forgot to ad, last night I dreamt of her for the first time. And it was a very nice sweet dream. Nothing sexual. Just made me feel so good thinking of her. I’m just dealing with a loss here, and it’s triggering. But I have been planning on telling her when it comes up. It’s just not relevant rn. But we are very open and honest with one another

That's how we like things conveyed to us, raw and unfiltered.

My point is if you don't feel "consumed" with her, but with everyone else, something's off. You say that you're not stringing her along, but going by your posts it comes off as if you are.

'I’m bit used to how I’m being treated by the aqua to the point where I don’t feel deserving.'

Also your statement above ^ prompts me to say that I hope you are not using her for a self esteem boost. Obviously you aren't consciously doing so, but IMO that undeserving feeling is there for a reason.

Read my other responses. But my “undeserving feelings” are from childhood traumas. But it has nothing to do with a confidence boost. I’m still confident in who I am, it’s more so being compassionate to my self and telling my self it’s okay to be with someone good. That I’m receiving what I’m puting out in to the world due to my spiritual growth I’ve done the last two years. And that I’m having trouble accepting that. But I’ve cross examined that in therapy. And asked my therapist to check my intentions. Because i simply don’t want to disappoint anyone. That’s the underlying thing really. I’ve always “disappointed” those I’ve lost. And I never learned how to be good other than burning my hand on the stove. But my therapist basically is reiterating to me that I’ve earned my stripes. And I need to tell my self I deserve to be happy again. And deserve love. For I know how to love and how not to finally. I trust my self. Currently. But my fear is is my passed pains coming up again. But that has nothing to do with how much I respect this woman and want to do my best to be the best version of my self for her. And with no expectations other than doing the right things for the right reasons. And loving the right people for the right reasons. Where as everyone else in my life have been for the wrong reasons. This is just something new. And change is scary. Even positive change. But I’m not gonna talk my self out of a completely positive situation. We communicated so well just last night. To where I know exactly where She stands and she knows exactly where I stand. And that neither of us are looking in to a future with one another quite yet. But just focusing moment to moment. Having fun. And enjoying each other for who we are and what it is. Nothing more and nothing less. And she knows my fears. My abandonment issues. And my ass hole past. And she knows I’m working on it. And we have just over all accepted one another thus far. She does her own thing. And allows me to do mine. Including respect and trust.

click to expand

Posted by STILL

Posted by WaterDevil

Posted by STILL

Posted by WaterDevil

Posted by STILL

Do the Aqua a favor and let her know that you are still hung up on someone else; That you usually are all consumed with the new person in your life, but not with her. Do not sugar coat, be straight up.

But that’s such a harsh way of putting something in to words that don’t match how I feel about her at all. I adore the aqua a lot. When I say “consuming” that word has terrible conotaion relative to me. Consumed and obsessed go hand in hand. And those are unhealthy behaviors. And arguably not even real love but the complete oopisite. I’m bit used to how I’m being treated by the aqua to the point where I don’t feel deserving. But that’s the ptsd from my childhood. I’m not stringing her along at all. I want to be the best I can be for her, I’m caring about her more and more everyday. I forgot to ad, last night I dreamt of her for the first time. And it was a very nice sweet dream. Nothing sexual. Just made me feel so good thinking of her. I’m just dealing with a loss here, and it’s triggering. But I have been planning on telling her when it comes up. It’s just not relevant rn. But we are very open and honest with one another

That's how we like things conveyed to us, raw and unfiltered.

My point is if you don't feel "consumed" with her, but with everyone else, something's off. You say that you're not stringing her along, but going by your posts it comes off as if you are.

'I’m bit used to how I’m being treated by the aqua to the point where I don’t feel deserving.'

Also your statement above ^ prompts me to say that I hope you are not using her for a self esteem boost. Obviously you aren't consciously doing so, but IMO that undeserving feeling is there for a reason.

Read my other responses. But my “undeserving feelings” are from childhood traumas. But it has nothing to do with a confidence boost. I’m still confident in who I am, it’s more so being compassionate to my self and telling my self it’s okay to be with someone good. That I’m receiving what I’m puting out in to the world due to my spiritual growth I’ve done the last two years. And that I’m having trouble accepting that. But I’ve cross examined that in therapy. And asked my therapist to check my intentions. Because i simply don’t want to disappoint anyone. That’s the underlying thing really. I’ve always “disappointed” those I’ve lost. And I never learned how to be good other than burning my hand on the stove. But my therapist basically is reiterating to me that I’ve earned my stripes. And I need to tell my self I deserve to be happy again. And deserve love. For I know how to love and how not to finally. I trust my self. Currently. But my fear is is my passed pains coming up again. But that has nothing to do with how much I respect this woman and want to do my best to be the best version of my self for her. And with no expectations other than doing the right things for the right reasons. And loving the right people for the right reasons. Where as everyone else in my life have been for the wrong reasons. This is just something new. And change is scary. Even positive change. But I’m not gonna talk my self out of a completely positive situation. We communicated so well just last night. To where I know exactly where She stands and she knows exactly where I stand. And that neither of us are looking in to a future with one another quite yet. But just focusing moment to moment. Having fun. And enjoying each other for who we are and what it is. Nothing more and nothing less. And she knows my fears. My abandonment issues. And my ass hole past. And she knows I’m working on it. And we have just over all accepted one another thus far. She does her own thing. And allows me to do mine. Including respect and trust.

Ok. Best wishes to you and the Aqua.

click to expand