If you know you need to move on.......

Do you just do it? Or does sentiment hold you back?

Are you decisive in your actions or do you waver - do you sit there and wonder if you are simply acting on a whim or if you are doing the right thing?

I (Scorpio) am pretty decisive in all my actions, but the serious decisions require more deliberation. The more serious and emotional the decision, the longer I wait to weigh everything. But once I do it, I stick with it.

My ex-gf (Pisces) was always indecisive and emotional. She often reacted to what I did. In our breakup, she was reacting to my actions. I would expect sentiment to hold anyone back, but with Pisces, you can triple that. Even on the simplest of decisions, my ex-gf couldn't decide. So on these "moving on" decisions, the emotions and indecision afflicting Pisces will make the decision that more difficult than for other signs.

Starfish you've lost me lol.

Elaborate please. 🙂

BTW my OP was in regards to relationships not life in general.

With regards to relationships, Scorpios are trench-fighters. Once we commit to anyone, we really, really want it to work. We see the flaws in others, and we give them hell for it. It's our own bizarre duality of being dissatisfied with reality and wanting to shoot for the best. I'm not sure if it's the person or the concept of loyalty itself that we are committed to.

I did project my analysis on Pisces above. Sorry. I can only share what I intuit from ex-gf, but alas, I'm not a Pisces myself. So I can't speak with as much clarity, as I can say about Scorpio.

SR it's always nice to have another perspective.

When you talk about:

"Once we commit to anyone, we really, really want it to work"

Ditto. What I am referring to is when you just know it's not working and you're so exhausted with giving it your all..........BUT there are still feelings there, not necessarily feelings of love, but more feelings of loyalty it's hard then to move on. Which is possibly why we find it so hard to fully let go in certain cases.

"What I am referring to is when you just know it's not working and you're so exhausted with giving it your all..........BUT there are still feelings there, not necessarily feelings of love, but more feelings of loyalty it's hard then to move on. Which is possibly why we find it so hard to fully let go in certain cases."

That is exactly how I felt in December when I broke up with my ex. On one level, there was the emotional and sensual connection that was damn near impossible to give up. Then there was the other rational side, which said, "Dude, this ain't working."

The only difference is that I felt love for her when I did break up. That's why I worked really hard to make changes in my fundamental identity the months we are apart. My brother once told me that it is near impossible for people to change abruptly. I agree with that. Change is so hard because you are re-patterning values and behavior, and it requires constant monitoring; otherwise, you will slip into old patterns.

From my observation, I know that the only way people really change is when something abrupt and traumatic happens to them. An epiphany of sort, that ends up shaking their identity and value system. It makes sense really because it finally frees them of the chains that held them back when they were trying to change.

Change is a bit of a fickle thing for me. I crave it and yet I fear it at the same time. I've instigated change (in very dramatic ways) because I secretly long for it, but then I almost panic and think "what have I done?" and then the fear kicks in. But it never lasts. What does last is the fear of hurting other people along the way, because that is never my intention.

Outcast are you never scared? I mean that maybe you're not doing the right thing?

So what propels you forward, the thought that there are better things to come? Or at the very least new experiences?

That sounds like good advice I have to say, it's funny in every situation like this I find myself in I always find the only thing holding me back is me.

I still find it hard though, although I guess it's a case of better the devil you know.

The problem I seem to have is always feeling that I have let someone down, like I owe them something.

I don't so much feel sorry as such, just guilty, like I've done something wrong.

lol. Well I am never limited in my imagination, if anything that's what gets me into trouble!

When I dream I dream big, but then I worry that I'm off in some fantasy world and should come back down to earth because I'm not being realistic.

You know you are so right though, I guess it's a sign of getting older - when I was younger I just ploughed ahead and never looked back, regardless of what was ahead or how scary it was - I never gave it a moment's thought. Lately responsibilities and commitments have weighed too heavily on my mind, I've gotten too caught up in it all I've forgotten what it feels like to just let go and live.

Thank you for the reminder. 🙂

"I always belive that there is much better choise just on the next corner."

Scorpios tend to move among three different realities, some in succession, some simultaneously. They tend to be sexually-aggressive but emotionally empty players, deeply passionate and committed lovers, or loners. Men and women.

I have gone through all three phases, and I'm sure I'll recycle through them at various speeds. Scorpios don't have the capacity to love deeply again and again. There's a certain overwhelming feeling to it, and we require a death-and-rebirth transition after each major passing.

See that's the thing outcast, what if you are emotionally attached to someone? Do you not feel guilty leaving them in the lurch?

I swear I used to be like that, never got attached to ANY guy, mainly because from a young age all the important male figures in my life left me. My grandfather through dying and my father through leaving my mum when I was 6.

I look back now and think I had the right idea.

I don't see how that's sick at all at the end of the day you want to go out of this life knowing that YOU lived the best you could and did what made you happy.

See I can easily apply that to myself lol problem is I never take my own advice.

"Maybe you have different plans with your life such as marriage and family and you may feel stress of your age, I can understand you too"

That's exactly it outcast, I thought I wanted all that, but I realise I'm too much of a free spirit, I like doing my own thing and I hate to feel hemmed in or trapped. But because I'm older I thought I had too, like it was expected of me.

Yeah you're right lol, it IS stressful.

I have a sell-by date. Fantastic lol, going to end up feeling like the last turkey on the shelf at christmas. 😛

My ex-gf (Pisces) was always indecisive and emotional. She often reacted to what I did.

Wow, your girlfriend sounds like me LOL and I'm a SaggieCap 😉

However, when my emotional storm is over, it doesn't take me long to move on. However, as far as pisces go, from experience with my mom, I understand how sentiments can linger for a long time for someone you want to be with. My goodness, I've never felt like that ...

Today I am in love, tomorrow who knows where I will be. I feel joy in my relationship, but I will always remember the enjoyment and fun I had while being single. I can give advice, but I am the worst possible Pisces and can't take my own, not because I don't want to, but in the past I have been a pathetic emotional wreck. Now, I know that I am a stronger person.
🙂

*sighs*

"I can give advice, but I am the worst possible Pisces and can't take my own"

lol Skin we are soooo alike.

"Even when we are not in love or know it's better for both to be apart, a deep sense of loyalty and compassion is making us feel guilty and stay longer than we should have"


Guilt is such a soul killer !!!

The thing is .. as each moment goes by, standing by each other out of honoring a duty, so we won't feel guilty, we are in reality .. losing this respect for them and ourselves, which respect to the honor of being loyal, is why we even stay.

A viscious circle where nobody is the victor ::sighs::

One thing about Pisces .. we don't carry this baggage with us from past relationships. It may be hard to get past it, and heal from it, but, once we do manage ... we don't carry the damage with us.

However, we do still carry the illusion of the ideal love, which will in essence, kill the relationship ... so, we end up carrying on from duty and honor out of guilt.

😢 We just never learn ... what's the matter with us? Why must we step in the same mud puddles over and over again?

Thetis .... I feel what you're saying, and often in hindsight wonder if my choices were right for me. Perhaps, we all do this ... and since we've made this decision, beit, right or wrong, we then adjust ourselves to adapt within the partnership to make it right, which is just wrong.

If we have to change ourselves to something we're not, to justify that we might have made the wrong decision .. then we are damaging our ability to experience life within our own perception of happiness, for we are then trying to experience it from the perspective of the other persons happiness.

With Pisces people ... love and infatuation feels the same, since it is indeed the same thing. Most people don't realize this, perhaps, only Virgo's have a handle on this, and maybe a few other people.

When we think we love a person, we are really only loving a certain aspect of them, an infatuation for a trait, attribute, or personality characteristic ... how is this so? Because when the relationship goes bad, these same aspects of them, that we once thought we loved, or the ones that we overlooked/tolerated ... we now use against them as justification why we want out. Where in reality, if this was REALLY being in love with the person, even in the end, we would still cherish those aspects of them.

Eventhough, most Pisces people don't realize that love and infatuation is the same condition (intimately-not family) .. we do subconsciously realize that it "feels" the same, so we cannot detect within ourselves the difference ... we will think we're in love, when really we're infatuated .. hence: the reason for the apprehension

Perhaps, this is beneficial for SR to ponder about his ex-Pisces and the reason why she didn't tell him about the other man. Maybe it's the reason why we always appear indecisive in love because we cannot find a seperation within how we feel ... and we realize not that the reason why we can't differentiate between the two is because there isn't one.

"I can give advice, but I am the worst possible Pisces and can't take my own"


Sucks, doesn't it?

Maybe just in the recognition of this, in itself .. where a lot of other people cannot "see" that they are faulty within themselves for the same things in which they counsel .. is the actual building block to self-healing.

You are only capable of accepting and changing what you acknowledge.

"Even when we are not in love or know it's better for both to be apart, a deep sense of loyalty and compassion is making us feel guilty and stay longer than we should have"

That is exactly my problem, I'm fine within myself it's the other person I feel bad for, like if they've stuck with me through bad times or been good to me or whatever I feel I owe them something. I worry about moving on and leaving them behind.

What's funny is that when I think about it, it sounds rather egotistical, like who am I to think they won't cope without me or that they'll find it hard to get over the relationship? It's when I think like this that reality sets in, and I realise that at the end of the day I have to do what's right by me and let them find their own way.

I stay far too long in relationships because when I commit to it.. I commit for long term. When I was younger if it wasn't working out I would just leave. Then I realized that I could have tried a little harder to make it work before moving on. So I ended up going in the extreme opposite direction. I stay FAR TOO LONG. I can honestly say I do try and try until there isn't anything left and by then I'm so tired of trying and putting all the effort in .......I just leave. Usually, without ever saying a word. There isn't any fanfare in the exit. Just leave. I would expect that after all the work I've put into the relationship and not getting anything back.........they'll know exactly why I left. And once I do, generally I don't look back. There's always the back and forth thing close to the end. You try to leave, they pull you back. You stay, you get fed up, you try to leave, they pull you back again. Eventually, you get sick and tired of being sick and tired and you just go. I've already packed and moved on in my mind and in my heart. The last thing to go is the physical part of showing him.........I'm gone! For me to go back and get involved AGAIN.... major changes would have to take place. I can't ever, ever, go back to the way it was. It has to be better and consistent. The integrity and the intent HAVE to be there. Otherwise, I hate being made into the fool. THAT tends to kill off what remaining love and affection I was still hanging on to in hopes of a happy ending "IF" there is a 2nd time around.

I do try to remember the reason the person was brought into my life in the first place had a purpose for my life on all levels. I need to think about all the things (good and bad) that the relationship taught me and consequently has made me a better person. I don't ever hate the person. In fact, I wish them well in whatever and whomever they move on to. I know I'm better for it and I hope they are too. (just not together romantically)

My first marriage was such a disaster, something that could quite easily be on the Jerry Springer show. What was worse, I didn't learn from it, and went into another bad relationship. Then, I spent 3 glorious years being single, learning about myself and wrote down what I wanted, yes a list. Because I'm emotional and I make decisions based on what I'm feeling through my rose tinted glasses.

Then I met a man, a good, nice man, who fits my list. But then of course Mr Perfect has feet of clay, so this time, I sat down and communicated with him. I explained that I spend my life trying to make him happy - in MY way, so he understands, but I need to feel acknowledged, need him to notice little things, like what kind of treats I like. I also try to give him space as he's not overly affectionate, we trade, I try to meet his needs, his way. This time it's working and it's great. I did learn in the end. 🙂