Relationships with Pisces Men...Is it worth it? (Page 4)

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haffo
@haffo
20 Years5,000+ Posts

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When you've said "The only good thing was that he was plugged in tonight and not distant" I've decided that he's interested in you. Leaving you deliberately like that was probably his intention to increase the tension and more importantly create a funny enviroument. Speaking for myself; I do leave hints for people to make them understand that the funny things that I'm gonna do with them will come soon. But since I wasn't there, I couldn't know if he left any such kind of hints for you. Maybe you didn't noticed them...

Anyway, you are appear to be in rage right now, and it will be better for me to no longer discuss this topic untill you cool down. I don't want to agitate you more than you are already in.

I don't hate you or mad at you.
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kafka
@kafka
20 YearsScorpio

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There's a few things there:
1-If I say hi first, why didn't he in the first place (uhm, because he's packing)
2-If he doesn't reply, it's a bummer (he's in busy mode)
3-I feel exposed and always the one making the first move.

So yeah, it is pride then I guess😛 Damn it!

I wish I was a man. I have no problem making the first move, I'm outgoing, I show someone I'm interested...All good things if you're a man, but horrible if you're a woman. Fcuk!
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haffo
@haffo
20 Years5,000+ Posts

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"I wish I was a man. I have no problem making the first move, I'm outgoing, I show someone I'm interested...All good things if you're a man, but horrible if you're a woman. Fcuk!"

Woman making first move is not a problem. Actually even man feel horrible when making first move. The fear of rejection is also present for a man. There is no difference between those two. And what will others think about woman making first move? (I guess this is where you feel bad) Well I dont give a damn about that. If a woman makes first move with me, this is my and her business. Everyone else can pick their noses.
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haffo
@haffo
20 Years5,000+ Posts

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"And choose the wrong partners."

DANG! You should be gratefull to your situation. You've learned that this guy isn't good for you in a matter of 3-4 meetings? Woha....!!!!

People do date and then engage in a relationship which lasts weeks, month and even years!! And only then they understand that they aren't good for each other!!! Moreover, people do marry then have children and only then understand that they were wrong partners! How can you feel that you are unlucky?

You've opened up to that man and he gave you wash off. What a big deal...! Also as far as I know he didn't declared the same feelings and intentions back to you. You haven't gained anything to lose.
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haffo
@haffo
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One more thing Kafka:

Try to take people more lightly. I can see that you analyse their behaviours very much. I used to do the same. But the truth isn't always in details. Sometimes our intuition says more than any detail can give you. Focus on your own needs and happiness. If your needs and happiness somehow amplified by the man then this is a worthfull one. Over analysing a person is generally a big turn off (unless they both a prone to it). But even over analysing people usually lose themselves between words and feelings (Darn that was me). Let your mind wander with its own path. This mind is like a water. It will find an alternate way with any obstacles in it way (like a water). Just don't push on it very much.

Have a good day.
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kafka
@kafka
20 YearsScorpio

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"Also as far as I know he didn't declared the same feelings and intentions back to you. You haven't gained anything to lose."

That hurt, Haffo. I didn't make all this up. We both talked about possibly being together...We really did. The only thing is I feel like that night was that night, and everything else is proof against that talk we had. Which points to the fact that he's not ready, etc. For legit reasons too.

Anyhow, he doesn't know what I'm going through--unless he's picking it up with his Fish intuition...I don't think I've done anything to turn him off and if he's so easily turned off, then he's not the one.

Thanks though, you had some good points in that last post🙂
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haffo
@haffo
20 Years5,000+ Posts

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" That hurt, Haffo. I didn't make all this up. We both talked about possibly being together...We really did."

There is nothing hurtfull in my post really. I've "As far as I know", which means that I make judgement based on information given from you. All what I what I tried to make in my post was to explain the point that "Unless both sides agree on making things as they want to do it, no one should assume anything". I definetly didn't mean that you made this story up. My intention is never to criticise your behaviours in that particular "blaming" way.
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haffo
@haffo
20 Years5,000+ Posts

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"Anyhow, he doesn't know what I'm going through--unless he's picking it up with his Fish intuition...I don't think I've done anything to turn him off and if he's so easily turned off, then he's not the one."

Well since you've talked about your relationship then I beleive you should tell him what are you going through. I don't think letting him know how you feel will compromise anything about him in legal matters. Also, there is no other way in giving him a chance to take "other things that he didn't see" into consideration.
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kafka
@kafka
20 YearsScorpio

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I'll give you that, Haffo. It is true that we agreed on taking things slow and nothing else. Not being together, not dating...We didn't agree on that. We agreed that a) it's too soon because we both just broke up with pp, and b) we will take our time to be friends.

In that context, I guess nothing is "bad", really. I'm the impatient one! But he's also been an ass by confusing me and doing the whole day/night thing (holding hands while dancing and after a few drinks but then cold turkey while sober)

So there's a mixture of feelings, rebound, hormones, summer and attraction, as well as huge fear of being hurt on both ends. We have to be careful with each other. Two sensitive water types. And I have to learn how to be friends, real friends.

I wasn't that offended Haffo, don't worry. Thanks for explaining though.
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haffo
@haffo
20 Years5,000+ Posts

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"Not being together, not dating...We didn't agree on that."

Then you should tell him exactly that part. This is the part where your nature rebels. Having feelings and denying or not showing them or not letting your partner know them are different things. You want to fight with your nature? You want to please him by holding your feelings back? Is that what you want this relationship to be? One sided pleasing? DANG!

"So there's a mixture of feelings, rebound, hormones, summer and attraction, as well as huge fear of being hurt on both ends. We have to be careful with each other. Two sensitive water types. And I have to learn how to be friends, real friends."

Actually your true enemy is when you hold back your nature like that. Whatever you do to save the particualr situation in particular time against your nature, its only temporal. Your nature always will win over you. Maybe not today, but tomorrow it will surface and hit your hear while you didn't even see it coming. This is when your partner will confuse and thing "WTF? This is not the one whom I know. Does she playing with me?". Also real friends are the ones that know each others good/bad(!) sides and respect the difference between them.
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kafka
@kafka
20 YearsScorpio

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"Not being together, not dating...We didn't agree on that."

" But we did agree on not being together right now."

I see the conflict! Yeah, I meant we didn't agree on being together and dating. I see how that came out wrong😛

The impatience...Let me sum it up by saying it's from a fear of loss and a fear of being abandoned by those who I love. (unfortunately this has happened to me many times before)

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haffo
@haffo
20 Years5,000+ Posts

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"The impatience...Let me sum it up by saying it's from a fear of loss and a fear of being abandoned by those who I love. (unfortunately this has happened to me many times before)"

Sorry but I didn't understand that part. I didn't mean that I didn't understand what it means but more likely "how it is possible?".

How could your impatience help you feel less rejected? You mean, you want to figure him out as quick as you can and understand if he's appropriate for you? You mean that? DANG!

How could you love him if you can't trust him?
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Tiamat
@Tiamat
20 Years1,000+ PostsScorpio

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I've found that people who are new are the least to worry about.Started looking around at my family and once friends they were the ones that were manplutive,harmful,the liers and twisters of the truths also the ones screwing me over MOST of the time.My mom took most of my pay checks when I was a minor as well as 14(legal age to work)took me to find my first job.Next thing I know my stepdad quits his job and me and the child support from my dad is paying ALL the bills as well as thier ciggerattes and alcohol,mother liked to ignore the stepdads checking me out and insults that I was lazy because outside of work and school I'd be sleeping.Sister and I was told we were sluts constantly even besides the fact that we were virgins until 17 in commited relationships sure it was high school stuff but still was relationships.My brother was always a loser so he's got a lying complex about what he owns,does=tries to make up for what he doesn't have because he actually believes he's a loser now.Eventually I figured out what true happiness was after learning to trust new people.That and I realised that those fears were making me dishonest too in the way as I wasn't as open and direct to them as they thought I was and didn't like that thanks to a guilty concsious.New people aren't likely to let go if there's a connection just due to the fact that they don't know everything about you there is to know yet and they don't have to be there if they really don't want to be.
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haffo
@haffo
20 Years5,000+ Posts

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Tia:

I'm sorry about your famility situation. That's truly sucks....

But when it comes to meeting the new people, it's all about emotional security and freedom of feelings. We do choice people not by our family issues but by situation on our hand. We can't change our families, but we can change with whom we are going to be. And this doesn't mean that because of our familiy affairs, people from out of our family are more trustful ones. Bad people are bad people. Be it in family or not. They are everywhere. Our purporse is to divide bad ones from good ones. Whereither we meet family members or others, we will divide them by our emotional security and freedom of feelings methods. If the family is bad, then we can't change it. But that never proves that people other than our family are more trustfull.
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kafka
@kafka
20 YearsScorpio

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Tiamat...I totally agree. I hate my family. I do love my brother and the young ones, but I literally hate the rest of my family. I'm so hurt, I don't ever want to go back home to live with them. I also have found "family" in new people and they have been closer than ever. I have such great friends and I feel that they're the ones who accept me exactly the way I am.

Of course, as we hate them, family will be the one to really be there when sh** happens. I'm aware of that. However, I don't feel a real connection to my family, neither do I trust them fully.

I also find it refreshing how new people can't know everything about us and that we are allowed to make a fresh start. And they have no presumtions about us!

🙂
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haffo
@haffo
20 Years5,000+ Posts

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"I'm impatient because I don't want to get emotionally attached to be rejected and abandoned in the end, which is what I've felt many times anyway. I'd rather figure out someone's emotions first and fast and feel in control. It's about feeling in control. Hope that clarifies."

Your impatience is already a sign of emotional attachment. Let your head lay the road for you and only then let your heart to walk on this road.
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kafka
@kafka
20 YearsScorpio

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People! 😢

He's such a jerk...Unbelievable. BJ, Haffo, Tiamat...Help! Pisces men, help!

He has a blog and knows I read it. He reads mine too. And he wrote there that "he'll tell everyone about the chick he sat next to on the plane...stay tuned" or something like that.

I know what it means, I don't need help there. I'm not dumb😛

I just hate myself for being hurt and allowing myself for becoming vulnerable. I need help with dealing with these feelings. How do I put myself back on track? How do I keep my cool and show him he's lost his chance with me? How do I feel ok again? This guy is going to be back in 3 weeks and even if I don't see him alone, I will see him in the group, which makes it really hard to "cut him off". I have to keep my head up high! Help...!

FCUK! Such a turn-off😢 Seriously, isn't this a typical jerk behavior? I had such high regard for him.
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kafka
@kafka
20 YearsScorpio

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I did...It just seems like he's testing the waters. It was the two of us, we had dinner and coffee, but it was weird. He's really holding back and it's contrived. I was also holding back and not being myself. The spark is kind of gone. His departure is perfect actually. And it's so over! I just feel played with and lied to. As if I made this whole thing up--which I so didn't.

What a turn off though...I feel almost disgusted, repulsed.
Would you do that, BJ? Write such a thing on a blog your Cancer girl would read?

Anyway...Thanks.
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kafka
@kafka
20 YearsScorpio

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She probably isn't a fcuk but if she lives in the city we both live in, he might have gotten her phone number and they might date when he returns...I hate even thinking of that! Or I think he liked her and found her very attractive...Which kills me too. I feel like I failed, like I could have been that too. Which of course isn't the case.

Feeling so insecure😢 And vulnerable, and stupid.
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BJ
@BJ
20 YearsPisces

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I must say I am a bit more considerate and tactful when it comes to matters where feeling are involved. You say things were different between the two of you. Being a sensitive Pisces he would have felt that too and MAYBE because of this negative vibe felt that it was a lost cause. At the same time, the fact that he's not long out of a relationship may mean that he really isn't ready. The girl on the plane he may see as a fling. You on the other hand are a part of his friend network and probably not someone he has the option to play around with or take on lightly out of respect. Also you said in previous posts that your friends had probed him in the past about the two of you being an item. I think maybe (and I stress MAYBE) by including in the group blog and talking about other chicks he may be reinforcing that there's nothing going on between you to the group.

Probably a good time to move on while he's away.

Me and my Cancer chick seemed to have distanced too. For the best though I think, I've still got a lot of stuff to work through in my head and I felt bad that I couldn't give her what she wanted from me. She is damn hot though......
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kafka
@kafka
20 YearsScorpio

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BJ! Thanks, that was really great insight. That's kind of what the situation is.

You're right. But the truth is, if I stay involved in any way, I'm definitely going to get hurt. As he also said before, "I don't fcuk around...especially not in a group". So you're right about the distinction too. What can I do? Nothing. Accept that the timing is bad and move on.

And maybe him acting like a jerk is a blessing in disguise. Knowing me, it would take me something dramatic like this to let go completely.

Too bad about the hot cancer! I guess if you're really not ready, it doesn't matter how hot the girl is, right? (ie. seeking for reassurance myself😛)