Dates. Who pays?

This has been a recurrent issue discussed as more people delve into "equality" and changing gender norms. So


a) the man pays
b) the woman pays
c) they split the bill

Some men hope the female partner would suggest splitting the bill.Some men tend to stick to conventional ways and would expect to pay the bill themselves.
What do you think? Any personal experiences to share?

The man pays. That is good old chivalry. I'll be friends but never date a man who doesn't share those same values.

Good quality give-and-take relationships have formed and lasted in all 3 scenarios

I don't think either is wrong. The problem is when 2 people who have opposing viewpoints about something that has the power to come between them, come together for dates. People have really strong beliefs about this kinda stuff.

Some people only believe in stuff b/c they've been taught to believe in it lol They never stop to consider whether what they believe in is rational, effective or likely to bring them a good result. Ok, so if he pays, that must be a sign that he's a good provider or really likes her? (Oh weird, a man can mismanage his money & spend it on women instead of his bills in a heartbeat! A man like that isn't a provider, but moreso a man who doesn't have his priorities in order! Oh weird, a man can def. show his attraction to a woman 1,000 other ways)

My husband paid in the beginning. Now, it's equal give-and-take.I actually enjoy paying when it's my turn to do so.

Split the bill. Unless you are trying to impress the other person.

If you are invited out you should expect to pay for your half of the bill, come on we are adults here...

I *always* expect to cover myself when I go out but I personally feel if its a legit date, the man should pay. Otherwise, don't pay for my shit. With the exception of my best friend, which we do the off and on "i got this one".

I don't like a man paying all of the time, I think it should be split (if not the bill, returning the favor as mentioned). Only fair in my book!

This topic is old meme

These are petty concerns concentrate on rising above and becomming a muse🙂

I pay for myself, and the man pays for himself or I like to split the bill

HE...no question about it...if he can't pay...he can't afford me... he's my BOYFRIEND, not my friend. PERIOD

Posted by Geminisces
This has been a recurrent issue discussed as more people delve into "equality" and changing gender norms. So


a) the man pays
b) the woman pays
c) they split the bill

Some men hope the female partner would suggest splitting the bill.Some men tend to stick to conventional ways and would expect to pay the bill themselves.
What do you think? Any personal experiences to share?

smh..I have told men I've gone out on dates with prior to whatever activity it was, something to this effect:
"I realize women have decided and attempt to dictate somewhere along the way that they wear the pants when with a man and feel they can measure up to a man, however I was raised to be a lady by both my father and mother, and am quite content and secure with that identity."

THE MAN PAYS.

Posted by krysrenee7
Good quality give-and-take relationships have formed and lasted in all 3 scenarios

I don't think either is wrong. The problem is when 2 people who have opposing viewpoints about something that has the power to come between them, come together for dates. People have really strong beliefs about this kinda stuff.

I don't cave for anyone's beliefs that society/bra burning wanna bes try to dictate. If that's the guy's new belief as a result..he's got a choice. Pay..or take a she/man out. I go out with gentlmen.

Interesting. For me, if the man asks the woman out, its on him. If its an official "date", its also on him. However, casual outings and non-date-ish dates don't fall in the category. I think i just made up "non-date-ish dates".

To follow up with my initial response, if you allow the man to pay all of the time and at least don't offer then it gives the aura of using them - it's something totally different if he absolutely will not ever let the woman pick up the tab or insists he has it the first time out (first time I always offer to pay for my own - it makes one appear to be a true lady, I've even been complimented for not having sexist expectations that the man SHOULD pay; in the end, they always do though).

My Mother has never pulled out her wallet. My dad always pays. For her, for his girls. Im with Letitbe, I cannot and will not take a man seriously if he doesnt pay.

Posted by LetltB

Posted by krysrenee7
Good quality give-and-take relationships have formed and lasted in all 3 scenarios

I don't think either is wrong. The problem is when 2 people who have opposing viewpoints about something that has the power to come between them, come together for dates. People have really strong beliefs about this kinda stuff.

I don't cave for anyone's beliefs that society/bra burning wanna bes try to dictate. If that's the guy's new belief as a result..he's got a choice. Pay..or take a she/man out. I go out with gentlmen.

click to expand

reason has entered the building

To me I've always believed the guy should pay, but I also think it's sweet if the girl insists she will pay and for me not to pay. To me it just shows the kind of personality she really has.

He pays.
I am the type to treat a guy to a meal or beer on occasion.

The man should be a gentleman and pay. Men who take issue with this are not only cheap and selfish but fail to take into account the fact we're probably spending money on them. I know I spend money picking up a nice new frock and getting my hair and nails done. It's about putting your best foot forward so fellas don't assume the woman isn't putting any effort or money out for the date. We are because it's special to us as well and we want to look our best for you.

The man pays.

Unless, the 'lady' is some New Age, Feminazi psycho "that can do anything a man can -- only better), then by all means, she can pay for our one and only date.

If I ask someone on a date its usually over at my house and I cook them dinner and we watch a movie and shit.

I prefer dates that don't include money like going hiking or some sort of adventure.

the most I ever spent on a date was when I bought a slab of beer and me and this hot guy carried it along a 5 mile stretch of beach and just got drunk and swam and stuff and it was awesome.

People always pay my way and it still makes me feel awkward to this day??_.I'm more than happy to pay for myself and for my date to pay for themselves

I'm sure there are women out there who take advantage of men like this. And date a number of men just for the free food and drink.

I'm also sure that there are men out there that go to the places and splash the cash and leave a large tip, to take advantage of their date in hopes getting some.

Posted by starlover

Posted by CapTenn
The man pays.

Unless, the 'lady' is some New Age, Feminazi psycho "that can do anything a man can -- only better), then by all means, she can pay for our one and only date.

Being fair and equal does not equal what you just wrote

click to expand

I wrote what I wrote.

I doesn't require your analysis, although I knew you'd be the one to try. 😉

Posted by starlover
I am wondering what is the difference between going out with a friend and letting them pay all the time and going out with a man and letting him pay all the time. That just doesn't seem fair or balanced to me. Why take advantage of a guy, when you wouldn't do that to a girl or guy friend.


Feels like using to me

Great point you raise here. I think letting a man pick up the check is sending a sexual cue. You shouldn't let them pick up the check if you're not interested in the possibility things could get romantic. So in other words, friends should not be paying for you, unless you have the understanding, that next time around you'll pick up the food. Only time men should pay is in the beginning of courtship and women should not abuse their generosity if they know it will never get romantic. It's a 2 way street of respect and nobody should be a user.

Posted by starlover
I am wondering what is the difference between going out with a friend and letting them pay all the time and going out with a man and letting him pay all the time. That just doesn't seem fair or balanced to me. Why take advantage of a guy, when you wouldn't do that to a girl or guy friend.


Feels like using to me

Posted by starlover
..am kind of understanding from some of the comments on this thread why some men call women *gold diggers*

click to expand

Guy paying for dinner =/= Gold digger.

My platonic friends (male and female) treat me to lunch/dinner all the time and I do the same for them.

Furthermore, having dinner with my BFF is different than being courted by a romantic interest. Different dynamic at play.

Feminism and new age thinking is a personal choice and has no place in romantic relationships unless both agree to these standards.

Otherwise, I am old fashioned and believe in each partner knowing their role in the relationship.

always dutch

"Exactly and i am not sure where the accusation of feminism stems from here...it is just about being decent and fair in my eyes?.....I have heard men say they have bought dinners and drinks for women and they *got nothing* from them ~ that proves your point Este8. I wonder how many men would still say *the man always pays*, if the dates continue on for quite some time...months maybe, with no sexual activity?"




Yes, and those men have valid reasons to feel used. Some women are either very naieve or coy and think it's okay to let a man treat them to a meal when they know they won't ever get with them. That is using a person, be it intentional or not. We need to set some standards in dating and for me that means do NOT allow a man to pick up the check if there's no potential for romance. It's clearly a romantic gesture and we shouldn't accept it if we're not at least interested. Of course that doesn't mean a man has a right to expect sex but he has the right to expect to be fairly considered as a partner. Respect begets respect.

Feels like using to me

Posted by starlover
..am kind of understanding from some of the comments on this thread why some men call women *gold diggers*

Guy paying for dinner =/= Gold digger.

My platonic friends (male and female) treat me to lunch/dinner all the time and I do the same for them.

Furthermore, having dinner with my BFF is different than being courted by a romantic interest. Different dynamic at play.

Feminism and new age thinking is a personal choice and has no place in romantic relationships unless both agree to these standards.

Otherwise, I am old fashioned and believe in each partner knowing their role in the relationship.



100% agree especially regarding feminism. Too much male bashing in that camp and not enough women willing to own their shit. Like it's all the man's fault.

Who?

Hopefully not the tax payer!

Posted by CapTenn
The man pays.

Unless, the 'lady' is some New Age, Feminazi psycho "that can do anything a man can -- only better), then by all means, she can pay for our one and only date.

lol...then she's gonna get mad, then she's gonna text stalk you, then she's gonna call and give those nasty texts a voice, then she's gonna join dxp and whine

WHY ISN'T HE TEXTING ME BACK————

Real power there ^^^eh? 🙂

@starlover

+1000 for your son 🙂

I have offered to pay many times and got turned down. I have also paid for my own because there was no connection. And there is the fifty/fifty which i like. And stick too. Usually the guy pays for dinner and tip, and I get dessert, drinks, and a couple rounds of pool. I think this should happen on dates. And no one has objected to it that way.

If the consensus says that the man should pay .... then the man DESERVES to make higher wages.