Help with a pisces problem

Ex is a pisces and I'm a cancer So we liked each other for 5 years always wanted each other, he was my boss and a good friend he would always call me gorgeous say I always know how to dress I was beautiful and would grope my bum lol we always had a high flirty connection and so anyway but never could, have each other, but finally we did! But the problem was I left my bf for him cuz I just wanted him so much it hurt! And we had the most amazing connection it was awkward at first cuz it was hard for to accept I was with him, cuz he is a catch, muscles, good looking and such a sweet kind guy.. But I fey I couldn't be my 100% with him I still had butterflies! Even after 5 years, I would feel sick before he came to pick me up lol he would give up so much sleep to see me he have me a new job at his place he took me to see his family but my son was Ill so he got up at 5;30am to drive an hour up the road to take us back home.. Anyway I ended it after about 2 months cuz I was so scared I was so scared he wouldn't accept me, he told me he has always liked me bcuz I never cause drama at work I was always happy sweet n never annoyed him, he said girls annoy him really easy.. But I am annoying lol I have my down days, I have bad days where my son has wound me up n I'm like treetrunk off to anyone who comes near me! And I thought he won't put up with that! I would've fell in love and he would dump me. I need security and stability n was scared of the unknown.. Plus I have only had 3 bfs n my sons father when I left him I didn't miss him I didn't want him back n still don't. N with my now bf I would think about him and miss him and I was trying to get used to my pisces who was saying I won't tell you I love you every day he showered at 2am he didn't cuddle once it was sleep time and I needed attention 24/7 he said he never wanted his own child bcuz that means he would be stuck with that one person forever. But he didn't mind raising someone else's child he didn't want marriage, he only had 2 gf's before me 1 he was with 10 years and raised her child the next he was with 6 months (Scorpio) broke up with her cuz she was a psycho n she was lol it scared me being with someone who never wanted kids or marriage So I want back to my ex who is a Gemini an he wants all that stuff but now I'm thinking it's not fair for him to be with me when he's wasting his years, he could be with someone who DOES want kids n doesn't already have one

so I'm still with him now n things are good but we are on two different levels.. And now my problem, the pisces, I ignored him for 2 days bcuz I didn't know what to say or what to do! So he rang me n asked what's up, and I can't remember much but I basically said I wanted to see how it worked out with my ex (gemini) and he was asking did you not think of me as your bf did I do something wrong n at the time I couldn't give him answers I needed time to sit n think so he was very calm about it, he always is, he isn't a typical pisces, he didn't cry when his dad died, he didn't cry when him of his ex of ten years broke up, the Scorpio ex he never blocked out! In fact they were still having arguments when me n him was together! So why me? Why was he so quick to block me out! People say it's bcuz he liked me more than what I realised.. But neither of us have closure.. He left without answers... It's been 3 months.. Will he be back In touch? Could I go knock his door to talk? If he wanted to and was bothered about me then he would unblock me? Or is he thinking she left me so why would I go back to talk obviously she doesn't want me. Even back I the days when I worked for him I never spoke to him much but I would always fantisize, wonder, get nervous around him, push out my boobs a bit more lol I got jealous if he called another girl gorgeous and that's a strange thing! If I was havin a bad day he would call another girl hot instead of me.. It was like he was trying to make me jealous.. I've always needed him. Wether it was as a boss a friend a bf or just a crush, I remember him sayin about the girl h was with 10 years they broke Up for 6 months. Maybe he will be back? All I know is I cannot forget about him! I've read pisces try to pretend they don't care. He said I was like no girl he's ever met and he's always liked me.

Jesus Christ ... how is a person suppose to make heads or tails out of run-on thoughts like that?

You've talked non-stop, without taking a breath, writing a wot ... just to say ....

I'm with a Gemini, but, want the Pisces ...



:::: shakes head ::::

You don't know what you want. You're insecure, confused & inconsistent. Your confidence in yourself & in others is at about a ZERO. A man can love you to death, but even then, there will still come a time when he says enough is enough.

You are going about things very selfishly. Everything is about you, what you want, how you feel in the moment, etc. with little regards to how your actions affect others.

If you knew up front that him not wanting to have children or be married was a deal breaker, then you were wrong for wheeling him in & giving him the false impression that you were ok with that. Ultimately, what you did was leave him over something you already knew from the beginning. You're human & have the right to change your mind like everybody else, but in this case, it's obvious that you were misleading him AND yourself, hence the reason you got to the standstill you're at now.

It won't matter if he comes back or not IF when he gets back, you're still the same jealous, insecure, flaky woman. If he sees that nothing has changed, he'll just end up running away again eventually. No bueno. Being insecure isn't a crime, but dragging everybody down with you is dead wrong.

I don't think you're like a bad person or anything lol but I honestly can't blame this guy for calling it quits with you. You're too confused & you expect for someone to want to put up with that. Life is too short. If you can't handle what you signed up for, don't sign up for it to begin with. Don't start what you can't finish. Don't tell someone that you're "all in" when the deep down truth is that 1 of your feet is still hanging out of the door.

Leave him be for now, look in the mirror and focus on yourself. You've got some serious confidence and commitment issues. All this back & forth between men isn't admirable, nor are you making it easy for someone to respect you as a woman. Make up your mind & stick to whatever decision or "man" you feel is best for you.

If you keep up the flaky sh*****t, you're gonna end up alone. A man may love you to death, but he also oughta love himself. And if he loves himself, then he'll do himself a favor & excuse himself from situations that are too emotionally draining & confusing. If the tables were turned, you'd run far away too.