Need Insights - Leo Broken Up With By Cancer

Hi,

This may be long but I truly need some advice. Thanks ahead of time for reading.

First of all, we are two women who were in a same-sex relationship. I am a Leo born on 08/11/1994 and she is a Cancer born on 07/02/1992. I am 23 and she is 25. We dated for two years and three months. She broke up with me on December 11, 2017. My Cancer has always had BAD anxiety that makes her physically ill sometimes, and disrupts her life. She's on anti-anxiety meds.

She was a late-bloomer, and therefore I was her first romantic relationship, first kiss, first sexual experience, first breakup, first everything. Never once in our relationship did she ever seem interested in experiencing "new relationships" or "new people", I even asked her once and she said the thought never crossed her mind because she was so happy with me. She was not my first, but I loved her more than anyone I've ever been with.

It took her a year to say "I love you" back to me, as it only took me 6 months to say it to her. I understood she needed more time and when she finally said it back, I was over the moon. I knew she meant it. She truly loved me. She said it all the time after that, even calling me just to say it to me.

Her family is religious and does not know she is gay, she is only "out" with her brother. This is hard for her because she's very close to her mother. Sometimes I think subconsciously she felt guilty about this, but she never admits that, so maybe not.

Our relationship was amazing, up until the abrupt end. It was full of love and devotion, there was absolutely no abuse or major problems. We communicated very openly, however the Cancer needed some probing to talk about feelings sometimes as expected. She was not always forthcoming about her feelings, which was hard for me to adapt to, as Leos wear their hearts on their sleeves, but I understood her and accepted it.

We always trusted each other 100% , never looked in each other's phones or social media. She was always supportive of my endeavors, and I was ALWAYS there for her. I made her feel safe and secure as Cancers need. I took care of her, protected her, and always stood up for her. She often told me I was the sweetest person on the planet and that she didn't know what she'd do without me. She told me she appreciated how I was always there for her and super supportive. We always make each other laugh, our sense of humors are perfectly in-line and even now I can easily make her laugh.

Our sex life was amazing, always satisfying for us both and extremely passionate and intense. I could tell she always had a good time, as did I. She often complimented me and I was so incredibly enamored with her in every single way. Mentally, physically, emotionally. She's everything I ever wanted. I showered her with affection and attention and compliments. By the time I was done, her self-esteem was a lot bigger than it was when I met her and I could tell she was more confident.

Like I said, everything seemed perfect. We were absolutely best friends and lovers.

The only thing we were ever "incompatible" about was my uncertainty of wanting kids in the future. But I never said "I absolutely don't want children", it was more of an uncertainty and that I would need to consider it and have a stable life first. I know family life is extremely important to Cancers. But we didn't fight about it, just knew that difference existed.

We live 30 minutes apart, so we would see each other about once a week in person and we are both very much into PC gaming online so we would constantly talk every single day online and play games together. That was a big part of our relationship. I created and run an online community, and she was a very big part of it and was always supportive and loved hanging out in the community and the people there. When we first met, she was extremely shy, didn't have a lot of friends outside of her 2 or 3 friends from high school, and mostly just lone-wolfed it, sticking close to her mother for security.

After meeting me, she had a ton of new friends online and even some that translated to real-life friendships as we all went on a trip with some online friends to a place we'll call "SC", for future reference. I helped her open up and become a bit more outgoing and social, and despite her anxiety, I helped her travel to places and experience new things. I never made her feel bad about her illness that often hindered us from traveling or going places. I was always understanding, never resentful.

We are both finished with college now, and we both live at home with our parents and don't have jobs. We both make money here and there online, but I know Cancers seek that stable security of money as well. I know I have been a bit lazy the past year and gave up on some passions. I think this caused her to lose attraction in some way that she did not realize.

So the breakup...

Everything in my mind was perfectly okay. The only thing I noticed was that she was maybe a tad more distant emotionally than she usually is. She wouldn't initiate conversations, she wouldn't call me in the morning anymore or say "good morning" first as she used to.

I drive over to her house (she usually came over to mine because my parents don't care that we were together), she insisted I come over to hers this time.

Even the night before, she was acting normal. I get there, and suddenly I realize she's not being affectionate. She's sitting across from me, and I remark that she's being quite distant. She says, "Yeah.. about that. This isn't working out anymore." And I thought she was joking. I had to ask her if she was serious. I was gutted. The breakup lasted about an hour, I'd say. I couldn't believe it, I was floored and so hurt and confused. The rug had been pulled out from under me, I didn't see this coming at all. I felt abandoned and unwanted. Her reasons were vague: "We just aren't compatible for the future", "I just don't love you anymore, I don't know why", "This isn't working out"... just so vague and even now she has never given me a concrete reason or something I could work on.

I tried so hard. I entered panic mode after I left. I did the worst thing I could: I begged and pleaded, tried to convince her, tried to write her a love letter, show her that I'd always be there. I realized I was only doing more damage and pushing her away more. Finally, I apologized for my immature and desperate behavior and I stopped contacting her.

I text one of my friends who I met online. She is a fellow lesbian who hangs out in my community and is friends with my cancer. I know she's a decent person so I ask this friend, let's call her "Susan", to please not choose sides between us and please stay friends with my Cancer, as I don't want her to be alone. Even now, I was thinking of my Cancer's best interest. I don't want her to be alone as she was when I first met her. Susan is a Gemini.

I heard a day later that Susan had just broken up with her girlfriend whom she LIVED with. Apparently, Susan had broken up with her girlfriend the day before my Cancer broke up with me. This made me raise my eyebrow.

A week passed, and I started noticing them playing games together every single day, up until midnight or later... much later than Cancer ever stayed up playing games with me. They played every single two-player game under the sun. I started noticing Susan posting "vague romantic" things on Instagram and Twitter.

I needed comfort and reassurance that my Cancer wasn't moving on already, so I asked her twice on two different occasions if they were romantically talking to each other. She said no, not at all.. both times. I was comforted by this and was glad they could be friends.

A few days pass, more romantic stuff on Twitter by Susan. I ask Susan "Hey are you interested in my Cancer? Just tell me straight up so I know" and she said "No I've just been stressed at work, don't read too much into my social media. Me and Cancer just like playing games together! Don't over analyze all of Cancer's friendships, it'll drive you crazy!" .... I agreed and told her "Thank you for being honest with me.." uh huh.

Later that day I realized Susan had blocked me on Twitter and Instagram. I was extremely confused and I like being upfront so I messaged Susan again and said, "Hey I don't understand why you blocked me, I thought we were cool with each other." No response. Suddenly, out of nowhere, My Cancer messages me (they had been talking while this happened) and she admits that she messed up. She lied to me about Susan. They were "interested" in each other and they have been talking. She didn't want to hurt me anymore but now wants me to know the truth instead of wondering and driving myself crazy. Then, I asked if she left me for this Gemini. She said no, I swear, these feelings are recent and I did not leave you for her.

I don't know if I believe her. The coincidence of them both breaking up with their girlfriends within 2 days, and talking so quickly is just so hard to believe. I don't want to be naive.

I was floored. Cancer had never, EVER lied to me about anything or been distrustful in anyway during our relationship or friendship. Not to mention I introduced these two. Susan is a Gemini and lives literally ACROSS the country from my Cancer. We're talking opposite coasts. So, they're doing this long-distance I guess.

I was angry and spiteful at the time, and I said some negative things towards Susan, but never anything negative towards my Cancer. Just disappointment and hurt that she lied to me. I was just so pissed off that I brought this Gemini into our lives and she shit all over my friendship with her and then tries to start this rebound relationship. They're both fresh out of a LONG relationship... I think they're just using each other for comfort. I don't know. I'm still hurting over this.

Cancer says she wants to be friends and that she still cares about me a lot, just isn't in love with me.

She has never blocked me, never said she doesn't want to talk to me or see me. The only thing she has said that is blunt or negative is “I've moved on. We need space.” But she has never shot me down for trying to reach out and be friendly.

Since all of this, it's been about a week or two. Contact is extremely minimal. I snapchatted her my cats a few times and she always replies positively. She snapchats me sometimes and I reply positively. I played a game she likes and she messaged me and we had about a 10 minute conversation full of laughs and memory-sharing. One time I sent her a YouTube video I knew she'd enjoy and we watched it together (over text chat) and laughed about it together. From now on I'm trying to keep all of our limited interactions positive and lighthearted. I want her to associate positivity with communicating with me. I want her to know I still care and I will always be there. But I know she wants space. I haven't brought up the breakup or her new relationship at all since then. But it kills me every time I see them online together, playing a game or talking.

Susan posted a picture on Instagram (she has unblocked me) of a Google flights map, showing a flight from her state to mine and Cancer's state, showing that she'll be visiting in late June. That's 6 months from now. It's a trip to “SC”, where Cancer and I went together, and where I went to college while I was in a relationship with Cancer. I don't know why they are planning this far ahead but it breaks my heart that they'll be able to be physical at this time. At least now I can take comfort that they aren't together.

Since then I have been working on myself. I signed up for the gym, and have been going regularly. I am trying to start my own online business and work on new skills. I want to improve myself so maybe Cancer will come back around. As nothing really went wrong with our relationship, other than the fact that maybe she strayed or got bored.

My question is this:



Will my Cancer come back to me? How can I show her I still care without smothering her?

I want her to remember all the good times we had, because it was truly amazing. She said she has moved on, yet she is extremly friendly and willing to talk about good memories. She seemed to even be reminiscing last time we spoke. I miss her more than I can explain. Please, any insights or advice would be greatly appreciated.

When we broke up, she was crying just as hard as I was.. we were both sobbing. She kept touching me and grabbing me, she let me kiss her. She didn't seem like she wanted to let go. But maybe she just felt bad for hurting me.

Lovesick Leo.

Yeah your cancer left you for that Gemini+ she lied you. I don't think she will come back, it sounds like your relationship became somewhat ordinary and she needed some excitement. As for this gem and her, I don't think it will work so you might still stand

Posted by Leo188881
Short answer... did your ex cancer hook up with the Gemini or not?

As I said, their relationship is currently long-distance. My Cancer lives on the West Coast near me, and that Gemini lives on the East Coast.

Gemini planned a flight to the west coast and posted it on Instagram for June, which is in 6 months from now.

So no they haven't "hooked up" on a physical level. They might if they make it to that trip. But they talk pretty much every day all day, I'm sure.