ladylibra21
@ladylibra21
10 Years1,000+ Posts
Comments: 9 · Posts: 3024 · Topics: 377
Stupid fight or significant?
Posted by aquarius_man
give it time to cool off. it seems to me you are too different. and that's my experience with libras, anyway.
on the other hand, He says it is 3 in the morning and you want to do this very stupid stupid thing and I say look if you follow me out there you can go home. --- this sounds reasonable; he went home, this is what you asked him to do.
Yeah I know you are right. He is very literally I am very emotional. I don't want him to truly go home but I also wanted him to understand how much it meant to me to just comfort my neighbor. However I also know that if he would have came out there and awkwardly hovered he could have turned the situation into something else and I would have been so mad that I would have wanted him to leave so that is why I said it.
Posted by aquarius_manYeah you are right I should have let him. I'm not quite used to that yet. I am used to taking care of myself and protecting myself. He is very different from what I am used to. I'll admit he made me feel a little out of control trying to assist me but I probably emasculated him a bit I guess if you look at it front hat angle.Posted by ladylibra21in my opinion, i think you should ve let him come out with you and hide somewhere in the back. you were worried about them, but wouldnt allow him to worry about you?Posted by aquarius_man
give it time to cool off. it seems to me you are too different. and that's my experience with libras, anyway.
on the other hand, He says it is 3 in the morning and you want to do this very stupid stupid thing and I say look if you follow me out there you can go home. --- this sounds reasonable; he went home, this is what you asked him to do.
Yeah I know you are right. He is very literally I am very emotional. I don't want him to truly go home but I also wanted him to understand how much it meant to me to just comfort my neighbor. However I also know that if he would have came out there and awkwardly hovered he could have turned the situation into something else and I would have been so mad that I would have wanted him to leave so that is why I said it.
very inconsiderate of you. if i were him, i would still be upset for a couple more days. give him 2-3 days and then reach out, you will be fine.click to expand
Silly aqua bf....should have just let you have your way and follow you silently.
Its better to ask for forgiveness than permission.😂😂😂
Its better to ask for forgiveness than permission.😂😂😂
Hey 🙂 My advice is to wait for him to cool off and reach him in 2-3 days, just what the aqua dude above me suggested. People say stupid things when they're mad, and the things you've discussed came to his mind first. And btw, what happened with your neighbour?
Reading this, I can see where the guy was coming from. It's 3am and someone is wailing outside in the hall. All of my alarms would have been going off too. I wouldn't have called you "stupid" for going out there, but I would have either checked things out with you or been waiting closeby in the shadows (with a weapon in case something was off). If your neighbor was close enough for you to hear her cries, then that means the guy could have easily waited somewhere out of sight.
The thing you need to realize when you date men is that we are protective when we care about you. Also the worst things happen at 3am. Having your boyfriend with you to assess the situation first then having him leave you alone with your neighbor would have been a smarter decision. If you don't like your men to be protective, then don't find a man who cares about you.
Think about it. You didn't REALLY know the entire situation in that moment, only what you heard from your room. In that moment, for all you knew there could have been someone else out there with her. Your boyfriend took these possibilities into account, which is why he insisted on going outside with you. He was thinking about the many possible ways something could go wrong.
There's nothing wrong with you wanting to help your neighbor and there's nothing wrong with your boyfriend wanting to walk with you. The problem was with both of your communication. I agree give it some time for him to cool off, then reach out to him.
The thing you need to realize when you date men is that we are protective when we care about you. Also the worst things happen at 3am. Having your boyfriend with you to assess the situation first then having him leave you alone with your neighbor would have been a smarter decision. If you don't like your men to be protective, then don't find a man who cares about you.
Think about it. You didn't REALLY know the entire situation in that moment, only what you heard from your room. In that moment, for all you knew there could have been someone else out there with her. Your boyfriend took these possibilities into account, which is why he insisted on going outside with you. He was thinking about the many possible ways something could go wrong.
There's nothing wrong with you wanting to help your neighbor and there's nothing wrong with your boyfriend wanting to walk with you. The problem was with both of your communication. I agree give it some time for him to cool off, then reach out to him.
Posted by Cvurko8Yup, it's being paranoid about the world we live in, the world with all of the violence and murder. I'm not going to pretend that crazy people don't exist. I'm also not going to assume that my girlfriend is just randomly prepared to deal with an attacker at 3am.Posted by ChuckcemI care about my gf and would never do this. Id offer assistance and get back to sleep when she tells me she needs none. Thats not protection, its projecting fears and paranoia. She is an adult, capable of protecting herself and responsible for her own decisions.
Reading this, I can see where the guy was coming from. It's 3am and someone is wailing outside in the hall. All of my alarms would have been going off too. I wouldn't have called you "stupid" for going out there, but I would have either checked things out with you or been waiting closeby in the shadows (with a weapon in case something was off). If your neighbor was close enough for you to hear her cries, then that means the guy could have easily waited somewhere out of sight.
The thing you need to realize when you date men is that we are protective when we care about you. Also the worst things happen at 3am. Having your boyfriend with you to assess the situation first then having him leave you alone with your neighbor would have been a smarter decision. If you don't like your men to be protective, then don't find a man who cares about you.
Think about it. You didn't REALLY know the entire situation in that moment, only what you heard from your room. In that moment, for all you knew there could have been someone else out there with her. Your boyfriend took these possibilities into account, which is why he insisted on going outside with you. He was thinking about the many possible ways something could go wrong.
There's nothing wrong with you wanting to help your neighbor and there's nothing wrong with your boyfriend wanting to walk with you. The problem was with both of your communication. I agree give it some time for him to cool off, then reach out to him.
click to expand
Again, if OP knew the situation that would have been different. If OP was a trained in self defense of martial arts, that would also be different. Should OP's boyfriend responded the way that he did. Of course not, he clearly overreacted. However if I heard crying at 3am, I dont care WHO I'm accompanying (girlfriend, best friend, family member), I'm making sure the person I claim to care about has backup.
Posted by tizianiI'm not arguing for this guy in particular. I agree he should have stayed. I'm just saying, that OP should understand that in this situation, it's understandble that the guy would want to back her up. Basically I understand his motivaiton, but I don't condone his execution or frustration.
If the dude cared about protection he would have stayed in the apartment.
As it is when given the choice between staying or going home to prove a point - guy leaves and goes to his place.
It's just an argument about getting your way over the other, not about protective instincts. Let's be real.
Also Aqua males and Leo males can be extremely protective. It's just how we operate.
Posted by Cvurko8Maybe he could, maybe he couldnt. I'm not going to sit and think about it when I hear odd noises at 3am. Two sets of eyes are better than one. Best case scenario, I'm not needed. Worst case scenario, at least I'm there to help. I've been in enough odd situations that I was glad to have my friends' backs and vice versa. Call it a superiority complex if you want, I call it being safe/smart.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by Cvurko8Yup, it's being paranoid about the world we live in, the world with all of the violence and murder. I'm not going to pretend that crazy people don't exist. I'm also not going to assume that my girlfriend is just randomly prepared to deal with an attacker at 3am.Posted by ChuckcemI care about my gf and would never do this. Id offer assistance and get back to sleep when she tells me she needs none. Thats not protection, its projecting fears and paranoia. She is an adult, capable of protecting herself and responsible for her own decisions.
Reading this, I can see where the guy was coming from. It's 3am and someone is wailing outside in the hall. All of my alarms would have been going off too. I wouldn't have called you "stupid" for going out there, but I would have either checked things out with you or been waiting closeby in the shadows (with a weapon in case something was off). If your neighbor was close enough for you to hear her cries, then that means the guy could have easily waited somewhere out of sight.
The thing you need to realize when you date men is that we are protective when we care about you. Also the worst things happen at 3am. Having your boyfriend with you to assess the situation first then having him leave you alone with your neighbor would have been a smarter decision. If you don't like your men to be protective, then don't find a man who cares about you.
Think about it. You didn't REALLY know the entire situation in that moment, only what you heard from your room. In that moment, for all you knew there could have been someone else out there with her. Your boyfriend took these possibilities into account, which is why he insisted on going outside with you. He was thinking about the many possible ways something could go wrong.
There's nothing wrong with you wanting to help your neighbor and there's nothing wrong with your boyfriend wanting to walk with you. The problem was with both of your communication. I agree give it some time for him to cool off, then reach out to him.
Again, if OP knew the situation that would have been different. If OP was a trained in self defense of martial arts, that would also be different. Should OP's boyfriend responded the way that he did. Of course not, he clearly overreacted. However if I heard crying at 3am, I dont care WHO I'm accompanying (girlfriend, best friend, family member), I'm making sure the person I claim to care about has backup.
I smell signs of a #SuperiorityComplex. What, your best friend cant protect himself so he'd need you, hum?
And being scared from the world aint healthy.
click to expand
Posted by tizianiProbably. It sounds like he thinks OP is naive, which probably carried over into this situation. So he snapped and went home, which wasn't his best moment.Posted by ChuckcemThe dude left (shrugs) there's likely more to the story and the argument beforehand.Posted by tizianiI'm not arguing for this guy in particular. I agree he should have stayed. I'm just saying, that OP should understand that in this situation, it's understandble that the guy would want to back her up. Basically I understand his motivaiton, but I don't condone his execution or frustration.
If the dude cared about protection he would have stayed in the apartment.
As it is when given the choice between staying or going home to prove a point - guy leaves and goes to his place.
It's just an argument about getting your way over the other, not about protective instincts. Let's be real.
Also Aqua males and Leo males can be extremely protective. It's just how we operate.
click to expand
Posted by Cvurko8It's controlling when placed out of context or when impeding a normal situation. Call it what you want, but when it comes to situations that may end poorly (like someone arbitrarily crying/screaming in the middle of the night), those pretenses go flying out of the window. In that moment you'll be glad to have some stubborn friend backing you up.Posted by ChuckcemAs i said, id offer my assistance and respect if the other person decides to refuse it. If you do sth else ur not being smart but aggressive and controlling.Posted by Cvurko8Maybe he could, maybe he couldnt. I'm not going to sit and think about it when I hear odd noises at 3am. Two sets of eyes are better than one. Best case scenario, I'm not needed. Worst case scenario, at least I'm there to help. I've been in enough odd situations that I was glad to have my friends' backs and vice versa. Call it a superiority complex if you want, I call it being safe/smart.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by Cvurko8Yup, it's being paranoid about the world we live in, the world with all of the violence and murder. I'm not going to pretend that crazy people don't exist. I'm also not going to assume that my girlfriend is just randomly prepared to deal with an attacker at 3am.Posted by ChuckcemI care about my gf and would never do this. Id offer assistance and get back to sleep when she tells me she needs none. Thats not protection, its projecting fears and paranoia. She is an adult, capable of protecting herself and responsible for her own decisions.
Reading this, I can see where the guy was coming from. It's 3am and someone is wailing outside in the hall. All of my alarms would have been going off too. I wouldn't have called you "stupid" for going out there, but I would have either checked things out with you or been waiting closeby in the shadows (with a weapon in case something was off). If your neighbor was close enough for you to hear her cries, then that means the guy could have easily waited somewhere out of sight.
The thing you need to realize when you date men is that we are protective when we care about you. Also the worst things happen at 3am. Having your boyfriend with you to assess the situation first then having him leave you alone with your neighbor would have been a smarter decision. If you don't like your men to be protective, then don't find a man who cares about you.
Think about it. You didn't REALLY know the entire situation in that moment, only what you heard from your room. In that moment, for all you knew there could have been someone else out there with her. Your boyfriend took these possibilities into account, which is why he insisted on going outside with you. He was thinking about the many possible ways something could go wrong.
There's nothing wrong with you wanting to help your neighbor and there's nothing wrong with your boyfriend wanting to walk with you. The problem was with both of your communication. I agree give it some time for him to cool off, then reach out to him.
Again, if OP knew the situation that would have been different. If OP was a trained in self defense of martial arts, that would also be different. Should OP's boyfriend responded the way that he did. Of course not, he clearly overreacted. However if I heard crying at 3am, I dont care WHO I'm accompanying (girlfriend, best friend, family member), I'm making sure the person I claim to care about has backup.
I smell signs of a #SuperiorityComplex. What, your best friend cant protect himself so he'd need you, hum?
And being scared from the world aint healthy.
click to expand
Posted by Cvurko8Peaceful? What world are you in? Maybe it doesn't happen where you are, feel fortunate about that. Everywhere else women are victims of violence everyday. In fact people are victims of violence everyday. The day that the news is slow because there aren't any people getting assaulted, murdered, raped, or worse on a daily basis then we can have that conversation.Posted by ChuckcemAgree to strongly disagree.Posted by Cvurko8It's controlling when placed out of context or when impeeding a normal situation. Call it what you want, but when it comes to situations that may end poorly (like someone arbitrarily crying/screaming in the middle of the night), those pretenses go flying out of the window. In that moment you'll be glad to have some stubborn friend backing you up.Posted by ChuckcemAs i said, id offer my assistance and respect if the other person decides to refuse it. If you do sth else ur not being smart but aggressive and controlling.Posted by Cvurko8Maybe he could, maybe he couldnt. I'm not going to sit and think about it when I hear odd noises at 3am. Two sets of eyes are better than one. Best case scenario, I'm not needed. Worst case scenario, at least I'm there to help. I've been in enough odd situations that I was glad to have my friends' backs and vice versa. Call it a superiority complex if you want, I call it being safe/smart.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by Cvurko8Yup, it's being paranoid about the world we live in, the world with all of the violence and murder. I'm not going to pretend that crazy people don't exist. I'm also not going to assume that my girlfriend is just randomly prepared to deal with an attacker at 3am.Posted by ChuckcemI care about my gf and would never do this. Id offer assistance and get back to sleep when she tells me she needs none. Thats not protection, its projecting fears and paranoia. She is an adult, capable of protecting herself and responsible for her own decisions.
Reading this, I can see where the guy was coming from. It's 3am and someone is wailing outside in the hall. All of my alarms would have been going off too. I wouldn't have called you "stupid" for going out there, but I would have either checked things out with you or been waiting closeby in the shadows (with a weapon in case something was off). If your neighbor was close enough for you to hear her cries, then that means the guy could have easily waited somewhere out of sight.
The thing you need to realize when you date men is that we are protective when we care about you. Also the worst things happen at 3am. Having your boyfriend with you to assess the situation first then having him leave you alone with your neighbor would have been a smarter decision. If you don't like your men to be protective, then don't find a man who cares about you.
Think about it. You didn't REALLY know the entire situation in that moment, only what you heard from your room. In that moment, for all you knew there could have been someone else out there with her. Your boyfriend took these possibilities into account, which is why he insisted on going outside with you. He was thinking about the many possible ways something could go wrong.
There's nothing wrong with you wanting to help your neighbor and there's nothing wrong with your boyfriend wanting to walk with you. The problem was with both of your communication. I agree give it some time for him to cool off, then reach out to him.
Again, if OP knew the situation that would have been different. If OP was a trained in self defense of martial arts, that would also be different. Should OP's boyfriend responded the way that he did. Of course not, he clearly overreacted. However if I heard crying at 3am, I dont care WHO I'm accompanying (girlfriend, best friend, family member), I'm making sure the person I claim to care about has backup.
I smell signs of a #SuperiorityComplex. What, your best friend cant protect himself so he'd need you, hum?
And being scared from the world aint healthy.
Btw we've never lived in a more peaceful world.click to expand
Posted by Cvurko8Sometimes judgment of others just isnt on point (see going out at 3 am into an unknown situation) and if you can't understand how as a bf you are at least partially responsible for the safety of your gf, just because you are a man, i cannot help you.
its more important to have faith in the judgement of those you love than projecting your fears and thinking you are responsible for their safety. You are not. You are small.
Watch out to not being called sissy sometime in the future tho. Balkan girls want a man who will protect them not some IG quotes pansy.
"But but Tanya, IG says im encroaching on your freedom if i want to protect you at 3 am".... 😂😂😂
Posted by Cvurko8That's cute. No one said anything about being Superman. It's simply about being smart and cautious. Accompanying a friend or significant other into an unknown situation in the middle of the night just makes good sense, like holding open a door for the people behind you. I take it you've never walked a woman to her car or doorstep at night? There's a clear distinction between being a control freak who never lets someone out of their sight and having manners.Posted by ChuckcemI said its the most peaceful it has even been. Not that bad stuff don't happen. You aren't Superman, its more important to have faith in the judgement of those you love than projecting your fears and thinking you are responsible for their safety. You are not. You are small.Posted by Cvurko8Peaceful? What world are you in? Maybe it doesn't happen where you are, feel fortunate about that. Everywhere else women are victims of violence everyday. In fact people are victims of violence everyday. The day that the news is slow because there aren't any people getting assaulted, murdered, raped, or worse on a daily basis then we can have that conversation.Posted by ChuckcemAgree to strongly disagree.Posted by Cvurko8It's controlling when placed out of context or when impeeding a normal situation. Call it what you want, but when it comes to situations that may end poorly (like someone arbitrarily crying/screaming in the middle of the night), those pretenses go flying out of the window. In that moment you'll be glad to have some stubborn friend backing you up.Posted by ChuckcemAs i said, id offer my assistance and respect if the other person decides to refuse it. If you do sth else ur not being smart but aggressive and controlling.Posted by Cvurko8Maybe he could, maybe he couldnt. I'm not going to sit and think about it when I hear odd noises at 3am. Two sets of eyes are better than one. Best case scenario, I'm not needed. Worst case scenario, at least I'm there to help. I've been in enough odd situations that I was glad to have my friends' backs and vice versa. Call it a superiority complex if you want, I call it being safe/smart.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by Cvurko8Yup, it's being paranoid about the world we live in, the world with all of the violence and murder. I'm not going to pretend that crazy people don't exist. I'm also not going to assume that my girlfriend is just randomly prepared to deal with an attacker at 3am.Posted by ChuckcemI care about my gf and would never do this. Id offer assistance and get back to sleep when she tells me she needs none. Thats not protection, its projecting fears and paranoia. She is an adult, capable of protecting herself and responsible for her own decisions.
Reading this, I can see where the guy was coming from. It's 3am and someone is wailing outside in the hall. All of my alarms would have been going off too. I wouldn't have called you "stupid" for going out there, but I would have either checked things out with you or been waiting closeby in the shadows (with a weapon in case something was off). If your neighbor was close enough for you to hear her cries, then that means the guy could have easily waited somewhere out of sight.
The thing you need to realize when you date men is that we are protective when we care about you. Also the worst things happen at 3am. Having your boyfriend with you to assess the situation first then having him leave you alone with your neighbor would have been a smarter decision. If you don't like your men to be protective, then don't find a man who cares about you.
Think about it. You didn't REALLY know the entire situation in that moment, only what you heard from your room. In that moment, for all you knew there could have been someone else out there with her. Your boyfriend took these possibilities into account, which is why he insisted on going outside with you. He was thinking about the many possible ways something could go wrong.
There's nothing wrong with you wanting to help your neighbor and there's nothing wrong with your boyfriend wanting to walk with you. The problem was with both of your communication. I agree give it some time for him to cool off, then reach out to him.
Again, if OP knew the situation that would have been different. If OP was a trained in self defense of martial arts, that would also be different. Should OP's boyfriend responded the way that he did. Of course not, he clearly overreacted. However if I heard crying at 3am, I dont care WHO I'm accompanying (girlfriend, best friend, family member), I'm making sure the person I claim to care about has backup.
I smell signs of a #SuperiorityComplex. What, your best friend cant protect himself so he'd need you, hum?
And being scared from the world aint healthy.
Btw we've never lived in a more peaceful world.click to expand
You are correct though, I'm not Superman. Neither is anyone else, including OP. That means no one is impervious to a bad situation if one were to occur. As "small" as I may seem, I've definitely helped diffuse potential violence by simply being present. Until you've dealt with something like that firsthand, I wouldn't expect you to understand. Feel fortunate you've never had to deal with anything that serious.
Posted by Cvurko8Low IQ has nothing to do with this debate. High or low IQ, life throws curve balls for which either might not be prepared at that point in time.
Please, help me. 🤭🤭
Balkan girls are tough, dont worry about me. If she needs protection, she'll get it and my gf knows that from experience. As i know i am not with a stupid low-IQ baby that doesnt know how to survive in real life.
And this is the entire gist of the OP's thread, her bf wanted to protect her from the unknown in that hallway, she rejected it out of some "i know what im doing" instinct (although when you hear wailing in the hallway at 3 am there is no telling what you'll find), he threw a hissy fit along the lines of "ok woman suit yourself, you know best" and left all sour.
Posted by Cvurko8I'm aware. I also never asked about your particular situation. You brought it up, so I responded to you. My original response was to OP, the person who asked the question.Posted by ChuckcemYou do realize you are being presumptuous and most of the things you say dont really apply neither to me, nor to the situation OP experienced, right?Posted by Cvurko8That's cute. No one said anything about being Superman. It's simply about being smart and cautious. Accompanying a friend or significant other into an unknown situation in the middle of the night just makes good sense, like holding open a door for the people behind you. I take it you've never walked a woman to her car or doorstep at night? There's a clear distinction between being a control freak who never lets someone out of their sight and having manners.Posted by ChuckcemI said its the most peaceful it has even been. Not that bad stuff don't happen. You aren't Superman, its more important to have faith in the judgement of those you love than projecting your fears and thinking you are responsible for their safety. You are not. You are small.Posted by Cvurko8Peaceful? What world are you in? Maybe it doesn't happen where you are, feel fortunate about that. Everywhere else women are victims of violence everyday. In fact people are victims of violence everyday. The day that the news is slow because there aren't any people getting assaulted, murdered, raped, or worse on a daily basis then we can have that conversation.Posted by ChuckcemAgree to strongly disagree.Posted by Cvurko8It's controlling when placed out of context or when impeeding a normal situation. Call it what you want, but when it comes to situations that may end poorly (like someone arbitrarily crying/screaming in the middle of the night), those pretenses go flying out of the window. In that moment you'll be glad to have some stubborn friend backing you up.Posted by ChuckcemAs i said, id offer my assistance and respect if the other person decides to refuse it. If you do sth else ur not being smart but aggressive and controlling.Posted by Cvurko8Maybe he could, maybe he couldnt. I'm not going to sit and think about it when I hear odd noises at 3am. Two sets of eyes are better than one. Best case scenario, I'm not needed. Worst case scenario, at least I'm there to help. I've been in enough odd situations that I was glad to have my friends' backs and vice versa. Call it a superiority complex if you want, I call it being safe/smart.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by Cvurko8Yup, it's being paranoid about the world we live in, the world with all of the violence and murder. I'm not going to pretend that crazy people don't exist. I'm also not going to assume that my girlfriend is just randomly prepared to deal with an attacker at 3am.Posted by ChuckcemI care about my gf and would never do this. Id offer assistance and get back to sleep when she tells me she needs none. Thats not protection, its projecting fears and paranoia. She is an adult, capable of protecting herself and responsible for her own decisions.
Reading this, I can see where the guy was coming from. It's 3am and someone is wailing outside in the hall. All of my alarms would have been going off too. I wouldn't have called you "stupid" for going out there, but I would have either checked things out with you or been waiting closeby in the shadows (with a weapon in case something was off). If your neighbor was close enough for you to hear her cries, then that means the guy could have easily waited somewhere out of sight.
The thing you need to realize when you date men is that we are protective when we care about you. Also the worst things happen at 3am. Having your boyfriend with you to assess the situation first then having him leave you alone with your neighbor would have been a smarter decision. If you don't like your men to be protective, then don't find a man who cares about you.
Think about it. You didn't REALLY know the entire situation in that moment, only what you heard from your room. In that moment, for all you knew there could have been someone else out there with her. Your boyfriend took these possibilities into account, which is why he insisted on going outside with you. He was thinking about the many possible ways something could go wrong.
There's nothing wrong with you wanting to help your neighbor and there's nothing wrong with your boyfriend wanting to walk with you. The problem was with both of your communication. I agree give it some time for him to cool off, then reach out to him.
Again, if OP knew the situation that would have been different. If OP was a trained in self defense of martial arts, that would also be different. Should OP's boyfriend responded the way that he did. Of course not, he clearly overreacted. However if I heard crying at 3am, I dont care WHO I'm accompanying (girlfriend, best friend, family member), I'm making sure the person I claim to care about has backup.
I smell signs of a #SuperiorityComplex. What, your best friend cant protect himself so he'd need you, hum?
And being scared from the world aint healthy.
Btw we've never lived in a more peaceful world.
You are correct though, I'm not Superman. Neither is anyone else, including OP. That means no one is impervious to a bad situation if one were to occur. As "small" as I may seem, I've definitely helped diffuse potential violence by simply being present. Until you've dealt with something like that firsthand, I wouldn't expect you to understand. Feel fortunate you've never had to deal with anything that serious.
Further dialogue seems senseless, i dont wanna change your opinion. Just wanted to present mine.click to expand
Posted by RozaeonYes everything was totally fine we were just up playing music and I confided in him about my frustration with not always having the time or the money to go to auditions. I told him i was in a weird place where I feel so many emotions and then numbness because of how frustrating it is he was trying to come up with solutions. We listened to music had sex then went to bed. The whole argument was about me wanting to go check on my neighbor at 3 in the morning. I can see why he had some anxiety about it because my neighbors boyfriend will knock on her door late at night he doesn't live there but his kids live there and he is in and out of the house but like I've told him before I've never heard a domestic dispute between them and I have actually confronted my neighbor's boyfriend myself before about smoking weed in the hallway because it seeps under the back door near my son's room and he mild manneredly told me he would start doing it outside and he did what he said he would do. The guy was no where around last night because I didn't hear him and I heard her also saying he took her car keys.
Am i the only one who think that this is really disproportionate ? And i feel like some parts of the story are missing
Did you guys had a " big " disagreement before that ? Or everything was " fine " ?
My boyfriend was in a strange mood when he came over because I did ask him once or twice what are you thinking. But I think he was fine after that. The only issue was with me going in the hallway.
And I get it, up here people keep to themselves and people have more problems in cities but why not try to help if you can? This lady lives right across from me. I have to see her and her children every day. We might not become best friends but back where I'm from you look out for your neighbors. I felt like he didn't get this major part about me. I have told him this is the kind of person that I am but he has never had to see it into action.
Maybe my "savior complex" as he calls it is unhealthy but sometimes when you find it in your spirit to do something you cannot just sit back and not do it and I felt pain last night and the need to try and heal it and I felt cut down because the issue wasn't just that he gets to come out there it was also that he told me it wasn't a good idea and went on to say it was stupid because he wouldn't let me explain why I needed to do it or why I felt like I had to do it .
Posted by Cvurko8I'm pretty sure other guys shared my opinion, but if you wan to single me out so be it. Yeah I'm old fashioned and raised in a family where the man made sure his loved ones were safe. I don't need to hide that fact. If you think that's somehow "macho" so be it. Like I said, I choose not to be naive about how the world works.Posted by ChuckcemMy opinion was expressed to show OP that what you said isnt an absolute truth 🙂 cause it sounded like thats what you imply from your language.Posted by Cvurko8I'm aware. I also never asked about your particular situation. You brought it up, so I responded to you. My original response was to OP, the person who asked the question.Posted by ChuckcemYou do realize you are being presumptuous and most of the things you say dont really apply neither to me, nor to the situation OP experienced, right?Posted by Cvurko8That's cute. No one said anything about being Superman. It's simply about being smart and cautious. Accompanying a friend or significant other into an unknown situation in the middle of the night just makes good sense, like holding open a door for the people behind you. I take it you've never walked a woman to her car or doorstep at night? There's a clear distinction between being a control freak who never lets someone out of their sight and having manners.Posted by ChuckcemI said its the most peaceful it has even been. Not that bad stuff don't happen. You aren't Superman, its more important to have faith in the judgement of those you love than projecting your fears and thinking you are responsible for their safety. You are not. You are small.Posted by Cvurko8Peaceful? What world are you in? Maybe it doesn't happen where you are, feel fortunate about that. Everywhere else women are victims of violence everyday. In fact people are victims of violence everyday. The day that the news is slow because there aren't any people getting assaulted, murdered, raped, or worse on a daily basis then we can have that conversation.Posted by ChuckcemAgree to strongly disagree.Posted by Cvurko8It's controlling when placed out of context or when impeeding a normal situation. Call it what you want, but when it comes to situations that may end poorly (like someone arbitrarily crying/screaming in the middle of the night), those pretenses go flying out of the window. In that moment you'll be glad to have some stubborn friend backing you up.Posted by ChuckcemAs i said, id offer my assistance and respect if the other person decides to refuse it. If you do sth else ur not being smart but aggressive and controlling.Posted by Cvurko8Maybe he could, maybe he couldnt. I'm not going to sit and think about it when I hear odd noises at 3am. Two sets of eyes are better than one. Best case scenario, I'm not needed. Worst case scenario, at least I'm there to help. I've been in enough odd situations that I was glad to have my friends' backs and vice versa. Call it a superiority complex if you want, I call it being safe/smart.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by Cvurko8Yup, it's being paranoid about the world we live in, the world with all of the violence and murder. I'm not going to pretend that crazy people don't exist. I'm also not going to assume that my girlfriend is just randomly prepared to deal with an attacker at 3am.Posted by ChuckcemI care about my gf and would never do this. Id offer assistance and get back to sleep when she tells me she needs none. Thats not protection, its projecting fears and paranoia. She is an adult, capable of protecting herself and responsible for her own decisions.
Reading this, I can see where the guy was coming from. It's 3am and someone is wailing outside in the hall. All of my alarms would have been going off too. I wouldn't have called you "stupid" for going out there, but I would have either checked things out with you or been waiting closeby in the shadows (with a weapon in case something was off). If your neighbor was close enough for you to hear her cries, then that means the guy could have easily waited somewhere out of sight.
The thing you need to realize when you date men is that we are protective when we care about you. Also the worst things happen at 3am. Having your boyfriend with you to assess the situation first then having him leave you alone with your neighbor would have been a smarter decision. If you don't like your men to be protective, then don't find a man who cares about you.
Think about it. You didn't REALLY know the entire situation in that moment, only what you heard from your room. In that moment, for all you knew there could have been someone else out there with her. Your boyfriend took these possibilities into account, which is why he insisted on going outside with you. He was thinking about the many possible ways something could go wrong.
There's nothing wrong with you wanting to help your neighbor and there's nothing wrong with your boyfriend wanting to walk with you. The problem was with both of your communication. I agree give it some time for him to cool off, then reach out to him.
Again, if OP knew the situation that would have been different. If OP was a trained in self defense of martial arts, that would also be different. Should OP's boyfriend responded the way that he did. Of course not, he clearly overreacted. However if I heard crying at 3am, I dont care WHO I'm accompanying (girlfriend, best friend, family member), I'm making sure the person I claim to care about has backup.
I smell signs of a #SuperiorityComplex. What, your best friend cant protect himself so he'd need you, hum?
And being scared from the world aint healthy.
Btw we've never lived in a more peaceful world.
You are correct though, I'm not Superman. Neither is anyone else, including OP. That means no one is impervious to a bad situation if one were to occur. As "small" as I may seem, I've definitely helped diffuse potential violence by simply being present. Until you've dealt with something like that firsthand, I wouldn't expect you to understand. Feel fortunate you've never had to deal with anything that serious.
Further dialogue seems senseless, i dont wanna change your opinion. Just wanted to present mine.
~All men who care are protective. If the man isn't protective, he doesn't care.
Chill and go to sleep, macho.click to expand
Posted by FknNerdSo much this
Stupid fight. Sounds like he was tired and not 100% awake.
You're being dramatic for one, and he was likely just a bit startled having been woken up like that
Posted by Gob_ShiteThink what you want this wasn't me being nosy. I have been through a lot of shit and I know personally that just hearing or experiencing love from someone you don't expect to get it from or an unbiased party can do a lot of good.
The type of neighbourhood you're in, the type of apartment you live in and the type of neighbours you have are all important factors in how to respond to such situations. So, I don't think anyone can strictly accuse your bf of projecting fear.
While, on the one hand, you came across as concerned and compassionate, on the other, it sounded like you were being nosy and wanted to meddle in a situation that's none of your concern. Unless you know the neighbour well or she sounded like she genuinely needed some assistance, I think your bf had every right to have such reservations.
It's not 1960s anymore...
You are right it is not the 1960s anymore where everyone ignores what is happening around them until someone ends up dead or in cuffs.
Sometimes people just need to hear that they aren't trapped and they aren't alone. I don't make it a habit to doing things like this everyday with complete strangers but sometimes your instincts just say it should happen. If I approached her and she didn't want my help that is completely fine but at least I know that I offered.
Also, idk where "up here" is but it sounds like he just needs you to understand you're not in the South anymore - for your own safety and well being.
It's very different culturally, it really is...
A lot of things which are considered polite and decent here are grossly taken advantage of there
Yes, he responded very immaturely by leaving but I really think he was just tired and was like" omg I'm over this I just want to go back to bed. "
Just acknowledge that he was just looking out for you and move on. This is a very trivial fight
It's very different culturally, it really is...
A lot of things which are considered polite and decent here are grossly taken advantage of there
Yes, he responded very immaturely by leaving but I really think he was just tired and was like" omg I'm over this I just want to go back to bed. "
Just acknowledge that he was just looking out for you and move on. This is a very trivial fight
Posted by Gob_Shite
While, on the one hand, you came across as concerned and compassionate, on the other, it sounded like you were being nosy and wanted to meddle in a situation that's none of your concern. Unless you know the neighbour well or she sounded like she genuinely needed some assistance, I think your bf had every right to have such reservations.
It's not 1960s anymore...
Perfect example of the differences I was speaking in
So what happened with the neighbor is she ok??
Your bf could have stayed the night instead of going home in a huff
Your bf could have stayed the night instead of going home in a huff
Posted by SamCancerGirl
So what happened with the neighbor is she ok??
Your bf could have stayed the night instead of going home in a huff
When he left she got up and went back into her apartment so I didn't want to just go knock on her door. The whole point was that she was in the hall way so it would have been a neutral place to talk. The bathroom has a thing walk so I heard her crying again on the phone when I was leaving for work but she was in her apartment this time.
Posted by tizianiWhy are you just so good
If the dude cared about protection he would have stayed in the apartment.
As it is when given the choice between staying or going home to prove a point - guy leaves and goes to his place.
It's just an argument about getting your way over the other, not about protective instincts. Let's be real.
Posted by LibWmanthe scales of justicePosted by tizianiWhy are you just so good
If the dude cared about protection he would have stayed in the apartment.
As it is when given the choice between staying or going home to prove a point - guy leaves and goes to his place.
It's just an argument about getting your way over the other, not about protective instincts. Let's be real.
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