brianafay
@brianafay
19 Years25,000+ PostsSagittarius
Comments: 2454 · Posts: 30581 · Topics: 372
Trust
Bri: I understand exactly where you're coming from as I am the exact same way. You say never understand it, but that didn't mean you can't make peace with it.
I think its a matter of trust but verify. I trust them fully but if they continually demonstrate a pattern of behavior that inconsistent with their words; I don't take things further than friendship. If its bad enough, I cut off contact. The rub comes in explaining this because they always ask why. I tell them I'm interested, but how you act lets me know if its ok to pursue things further. I'm not going to change you or try to.
Doing it our way, lets the person be free to be themselves. You're more likely to see who they truly are and not just their "representative" lol. People are going to expect that you don't trust them in the beginning. So guess what, you get all the good behavior in the beginning until they get you. By keeping them at the friendship level, even though you're interested, you'll see who they are quicker then by making them earn your trust. Its just them getting your guard down then they'll be who they truly are.
I think its a matter of trust but verify. I trust them fully but if they continually demonstrate a pattern of behavior that inconsistent with their words; I don't take things further than friendship. If its bad enough, I cut off contact. The rub comes in explaining this because they always ask why. I tell them I'm interested, but how you act lets me know if its ok to pursue things further. I'm not going to change you or try to.
Doing it our way, lets the person be free to be themselves. You're more likely to see who they truly are and not just their "representative" lol. People are going to expect that you don't trust them in the beginning. So guess what, you get all the good behavior in the beginning until they get you. By keeping them at the friendship level, even though you're interested, you'll see who they are quicker then by making them earn your trust. Its just them getting your guard down then they'll be who they truly are.
May never understand it lol
The earned trust thing screams scorpio moon to me because suspicion is the 1st emotion that comes when interacting with people for the 1st time. You EARN trust throu a series of tests (designed by the person especially for you) or if you show some loyalty. Its an automatic reaction to distrust & nothing one tells to themselves, it just happens.
I'm not a trusting person myself. I listen, observe and if anything doesnt match up anywhere then you are not to be trusted. Its little things really. I've ignored that side of me & trusted people on the spot and I've been sorry every single time. As a matter of fact, people that are too trusting worry me because OUT THERE, most people are snake assed as hell. Prevention is better than cure, armors up!
I'm not a trusting person myself. I listen, observe and if anything doesnt match up anywhere then you are not to be trusted. Its little things really. I've ignored that side of me & trusted people on the spot and I've been sorry every single time. As a matter of fact, people that are too trusting worry me because OUT THERE, most people are snake assed as hell. Prevention is better than cure, armors up!
But even if someone "earns" your trust...they could still do something fucked up in the end anyways.
So it still turns into trust until given a reason not to.
So it still turns into trust until given a reason not to.
To me, that just seems like a control issue. & this is coming from someone who struggles with being a control freak
You can't control/prevent someone from letting you down.
What good does it do to expect it and be constantly looking for a reason not to trust someone? I know you say you are looking for a reason to trust them...but it seems like the other way around.
*sigh*
You can't control/prevent someone from letting you down.
What good does it do to expect it and be constantly looking for a reason not to trust someone? I know you say you are looking for a reason to trust them...but it seems like the other way around.
*sigh*
Posted by beautifulsoul74
Doing it our way, lets the person be free to be themselves.
and it's freeing to yourself as well!
Posted by brianafay
But even if someone "earns" your trust...they could still do something fucked up in the end anyways.
So it still turns into trust until given a reason not to.
Not really. Once the initial trust is broken then there's no way of retrusting..its gone.
Posted by WaterCupPosted by brianafay
But even if someone "earns" your trust...they could still do something fucked up in the end anyways.
So it still turns into trust until given a reason not to.
Not really. Once the initial trust is broken then there's no way of retrusting..its gone.click to expand
I can't remember, you're a scorp mooner too right?
Posted by brianafay
To me, that just seems like a control issue. & this is coming from someone who struggles with being a control freak
You can't control/prevent someone from letting you down.
What good does it do to expect it and be constantly looking for a reason not to trust someone? I know you say you are looking for a reason to trust them...but it seems like the other way around.
*sigh*
It has nothing to do with the other person, its about protecting self from all the turmoil thats brought about by dealing with snakes. If I dont trust you to begin with, you can do whatever the hell you want & I'll be ok with it, no shocks.
Posted by brianafayPosted by WaterCupPosted by brianafay
But even if someone "earns" your trust...they could still do something fucked up in the end anyways.
So it still turns into trust until given a reason not to.
Not really. Once the initial trust is broken then there's no way of retrusting..its gone.
I can't remember, you're a scorp mooner too right?click to expand
yesh ma'm
Posted by WaterCupPosted by brianafay
To me, that just seems like a control issue. & this is coming from someone who struggles with being a control freak
You can't control/prevent someone from letting you down.
What good does it do to expect it and be constantly looking for a reason not to trust someone? I know you say you are looking for a reason to trust them...but it seems like the other way around.
*sigh*
It has nothing to do with the other person, its about protecting self from all the turmoil thats brought about by dealing with snakes. If I dont trust you to begin with, you can do whatever the hell you want & I'll be ok with it, no shocks.click to expand
I see
Posted by WaterCupPosted by brianafayPosted by WaterCupPosted by brianafay
But even if someone "earns" your trust...they could still do something fucked up in the end anyways.
So it still turns into trust until given a reason not to.
Not really. Once the initial trust is broken then there's no way of retrusting..its gone.
I can't remember, you're a scorp mooner too right?
yesh ma'mclick to expand
that's what I thought 🙂
my Libra too........trying to understand this
Posted by brianafayPosted by WaterCupPosted by brianafayPosted by WaterCupPosted by brianafay
But even if someone "earns" your trust...they could still do something fucked up in the end anyways.
So it still turns into trust until given a reason not to.
Not really. Once the initial trust is broken then there's no way of retrusting..its gone.
I can't remember, you're a scorp mooner too right?
yesh ma'm
that's what I thought 🙂
my Libra too........trying to understand thisclick to expand
i still remember, you said it before & the one I've been dealing with has the same combo...they are sick individuals LOL
Posted by WaterCupPosted by brianafayPosted by WaterCupPosted by brianafayPosted by WaterCupPosted by brianafay
But even if someone "earns" your trust...they could still do something fucked up in the end anyways.
So it still turns into trust until given a reason not to.
Not really. Once the initial trust is broken then there's no way of retrusting..its gone.
I can't remember, you're a scorp mooner too right?
yesh ma'm
that's what I thought 🙂
my Libra too........trying to understand this
i still remember, you said it before & the one I've been dealing with has the same combo...they are sick individuals LOLclick to expand
Lol ^5
Posted by brianafayPosted by beautifulsoul74
Doing it our way, lets the person be free to be themselves.
and it's freeing to yourself as well!click to expand
Exactly
Here's the thing about someone "earning" your trust. Whether you realize it or not, you expend a lot of energy analyzing, guarding yourself, etc. what tends to happen that you over compensate and become too guarded and trusting.its also a little hypocritical because you want them to open up so you can trust them but yet are you giving that in return?
Posted by ninjafish
I trust very easily. To be honest, I believe this has actually saved my ass before with regard to essentially/conventionally "untrustworthy" people. It's like they felt compelled to step up to the plate due to me counting on them; perhaps the sincerity with which I believed in them moved something in them somehow. Obviously this doesn't work on sociopaths, but eh... Them's the breaks.
🙂
so no one thinks there is a correlation between being someone who operates with hidden motives and being mistrustful of others?
Posted by brianafay
so no one thinks there is a correlation between being someone who operates with hidden motives and being mistrustful of others?
I do and its often the case in reality...sadly.
Im exactly the same way as Bri, when people talk about trusting only when it is earned I feel in the presence of aliens..
Posted by tizianiPosted by brianafay
so no one thinks there is a correlation between being someone who operates with hidden motives and being mistrustful of others?
Absolutely. Whenever someone goes on about being afraid of the world and "people being out there to get you" it always makes me think "what makes you so afraid of yourself"?
Pretty ingenius approach from both BeautifulSoul and Ninja btw.click to expand
Thank you Tiz. 🙂 Here's one of the beautiful things about using this approach...you're free to experience life. Every moment. Every detail. You don't have preconceived notions and you don't have "negative energy. The consequence is that negative will gravitate towards you. Combine this with what you've asked in the Pisces forum, and you will be at peace. As I say often, go beyond the balance. Honestly though, I think you're already there 😉
Posted by harry99Posted by brianafay
Also, this might be a bit controversial, but I feel like people who don't trust easily must be shady people themselves and are assuming everyone else thinks/operates as they do so they have reason to be suspicious.
& do you think there is a link between being sneaky/underhanded and mistrusting?
+10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
People who are not trust worthy assume others are not. Humans judge others by themselves. So if people
tell me things like "I don't trust you" I immediately know that they're not a trust worthy person.click to expand
Thats not true..at least for me. In the beginning (being a child) yeah of course you trust people...you really dont know any other way. As you get older, and you learn how the world really is...and you've been shit on a couple 100 times...then yes you will automatically think someone is not trust worthy (they have to earn it)....doesnt make you less trust worthy.
People have to earn my trust...I do not give it easily. So how does that make me a shady person?
Posted by LostinmyMind11Posted by brianafay
To me, that just seems like a control issue. & this is coming from someone who struggles with being a control freak
You can't control/prevent someone from letting you down.
What good does it do to expect it and be constantly looking for a reason not to trust someone? I know you say you are looking for a reason to trust them...but it seems like the other way around.
*sigh*
No you cant prevent it but you can filter it out, by using your intuition with people.
I think this can be debated on how people grow up...
If lets say you're raised in a loving home, picture perfect family etc...you tend to see things differently...you view the world differently (I like to call these people sheltered) So its easy for them to go out in the world thinking its this happy go lucky place and everyone is/can be trusted like at home. When not sheltered, and basically being born into the non sugar coated world...you learn real quick that most people cant be trusted. Its sad but trueclick to expand
This is just my opinion...and based off what I have witnessed
Posted by LostinmyMind11Posted by LostinmyMind11Posted by brianafay
To me, that just seems like a control issue. & this is coming from someone who struggles with being a control freak
You can't control/prevent someone from letting you down.
What good does it do to expect it and be constantly looking for a reason not to trust someone? I know you say you are looking for a reason to trust them...but it seems like the other way around.
*sigh*
No you cant prevent it but you can filter it out, by using your intuition with people.
I think this can be debated on how people grow up...
If lets say you're raised in a loving home, picture perfect family etc...you tend to see things differently...you view the world differently (I like to call these people sheltered) So its easy for them to go out in the world thinking its this happy go lucky place and everyone is/can be trusted like at home. When not sheltered, and basically being born into the non sugar coated world...you learn real quick that most people cant be trusted. Its sad but true
This is just my opinion...and based off what I have witnessedclick to expand
as was what I said about people with motives mistrusting others because they think everyone thinks/operates like them.
but obviously that is not always the case...sometimes people are just a bit jaded and initially had no problem trusting but life events have changed this.
I get it 🙂
Posted by brianafayPosted by LostinmyMind11Posted by LostinmyMind11Posted by brianafay
To me, that just seems like a control issue. & this is coming from someone who struggles with being a control freak
You can't control/prevent someone from letting you down.
What good does it do to expect it and be constantly looking for a reason not to trust someone? I know you say you are looking for a reason to trust them...but it seems like the other way around.
*sigh*
No you cant prevent it but you can filter it out, by using your intuition with people.
I think this can be debated on how people grow up...
If lets say you're raised in a loving home, picture perfect family etc...you tend to see things differently...you view the world differently (I like to call these people sheltered) So its easy for them to go out in the world thinking its this happy go lucky place and everyone is/can be trusted like at home. When not sheltered, and basically being born into the non sugar coated world...you learn real quick that most people cant be trusted. Its sad but true
This is just my opinion...and based off what I have witnessed
as was what I said about people with motives mistrusting others because they think everyone thinks/operates like them.
but obviously that is not always the case...sometimes people are just a bit jaded and initially had no problem trusting but life events have changed this.
I get it 🙂click to expand
🙂
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I am trying to understand that mindset... How does one "earn" your trust, really?
Also, this might be a bit controversial, but I feel like people who don't trust easily must be shady people themselves and are assuming everyone else thinks/operates as they do so they have reason to be suspicious.
How about you? Do you trust until given reason not to, or only trust after given reason to?
& do you think there is a link between being sneaky/underhanded and mistrusting?