who is loving the other more in your relationship?

my mom used to always say to me to never seriously be with a man that you love more than he loves you.
lol...that woman.
gotta love her.
but, seriously...who is loving the other more between y'all?
you or him/her?
is it, like 60/40 or more like 80/20?

No offense but your mom sounds insecure. I would never tell my children that.

Posted by SeeingStars721
No offense but your mom sounds insecure. I would never tell my children that.

oh, hush...your mom is, too.
all mothers have things they say..and dads. especially old school ones.

Posted by tiziani
I don't know, it's really kind of a zero sum game. Because the person who loves more tends to ultimately have more power in the relationship. And there are all different types of love and power in a chemistry with someone. Sometimes one will take the lead in one way, and another will another another.

Bottom line is when you balance the power, love etc factored all into it, it comes out the other end pretty much as 50/50 over a long enough time.

you think the scales change throughout the relationship?
like...initially, the man may be more into the woman.
but, then the tables change because of one incident.
then, later on, he's feeling he much more because of something she's achieved.

just a hypothetical situation.

I think the man should always love you more.

my mother is SO like "Let the man take the lead" as well. wow.
as i go through my little relationship foilables, oftentimes things she said to me in the past makes sense.
i am glad you all can appreciate a mom trying to pass on to her daughter ways in which she can maintain herself in this craziness, lol

Posted by msX

Posted by SeeingStars721
No offense but your mom sounds insecure. I would never tell my children that.

oh, hush...your mom is, too.
all mothers have things they say..and dads. especially old school ones.

click to expand

Yea no doubt. That doesn't make it right though. Do as you like, but from a man's perspective I see a girl like that and think she's been burned one to many times by ex's and hasn't learned how to let go. Unappealing.

I also think that the man should ask the woman out. If I ask a guy out, he knows automatically thaf I like him more and he is lazy n his courtship and hunt. Like tizani said, he starts to lose respect. Doesnt seem to happen if the man takes the lead.

Posted by SeeingStars721

Posted by msX

Posted by SeeingStars721
No offense but your mom sounds insecure. I would never tell my children that.

oh, hush...your mom is, too.
all mothers have things they say..and dads. especially old school ones.

Yea no doubt. That doesn't make it right though. Do as you like, but from a man's perspective I see a girl like that and think she's been burned one to many times by ex's and hasn't learned how to let go. Unappealing.

click to expand

So youd rather a girl like you more than you like her?

Posted by SeeingStars721

Posted by msX

Posted by SeeingStars721
No offense but your mom sounds insecure. I would never tell my children that.

oh, hush...your mom is, too.
all mothers have things they say..and dads. especially old school ones.

Yea no doubt. That doesn't make it right though. Do as you like, but from a man's perspective I see a girl like that and think she's been burned one to many times by ex's and hasn't learned how to let go. Unappealing.

click to expand

if she does it right, you wouldn't know whether or not she subscribes to what my mom said.
you are privy to this info simply because you are participating in this relationship forum.
but applied, you have no idea.

Posted by tiziani
I would just put it this way from my own personal perspective, I would definitely hope to end up in a relationship where I felt like I was more lucky being with her than she is being with me. The other way round does not work for me (from experience), I just end up losing respect for them.

i get this from most men. wow.
the only women that would say this are those that get with others for sport, mostly.

Posted by noname
It should take turns in a good relationship. Sometimes he loves more and sometimes she does.

In theory, it's good to have the man to love the woman more as the protector but it's human nature to take another for granted so if she does not love him enough, she can become abusive or overly selfish over time. I know I would lol 😢.

lol! brings to mind something else she said.
i don't know it verbatim, but it was like,
it takes a little love for a woman to stay and a lot of love for a man to stay.

Personally I think its definitely women who love us more. Women are The Source. Because they give birth to us and bit of The Source lives within us...The Source meaning love. This bit gives us peace within and self love but to unlock our full spiritual selves we must return. Once we return, our job is to protect it while the two expand their love breaking all boundaries until there is complete peace.

Posted by xdimplez
there is a quote that i truly believe in, and IMO , its been tried and true that

The power in a relationship is the one who cares less

in my experience, once i started showing my emotions to somebody, that is when things start to go down hill.

i think it may be due to the competitive nature of the person that i choose. They love pursuing that object of interest that always seems to be out of their grasp, but once its been captured ... they don't know what to do with it.

i personally dont know what to think of it, because then my insecurities start flaring and i think..." what? do i have a crappy personality? what gives?"

but i have noticed that the less i care, or show that i dont care...the more they stick around

This right here^^^THE TRUTH. % 100.

Posted by xdimplez
there is a quote that i truly believe in, and IMO , its been tried and true that

The power in a relationship is the one who cares less

in my experience, once i started showing my emotions to somebody, that is when things start to go down hill.

i think it may be due to the competitive nature of the person that i choose. They love pursuing that object of interest that always seems to be out of their grasp, but once its been captured ... they don't know what to do with it.

i personally dont know what to think of it, because then my insecurities start flaring and i think..." what? do i have a crappy personality? what gives?"

but i have noticed that the less i care, or show that i dont care...the more they stick around

Our suns trine, our moons conjunct, our mercurys sextile. I agree with what you wrote. The one who cares tends to get the shaft. Imo, always hold out. Does no good to jump first.

Posted by xdimplez
i guess one way of looking at it is trying to gain a persons approval, regardless if sex was involved, and once they have it...there is no reason for them to stick around

does that give power? it may, if the person who is pursing is one who needs to feel that sense of worth. it gives the power to the one who is with holding their emotions to the other person, because they become the goal that needs to be achieved

does that make sense? i may not have worded it right

Lol, nah you worded it right. It's that uncertainty. When a man/woman is uncertain of your feelings toward them, they go mad trying to figure out. Mad for you that is. 😉

For some, the less you give them...the greater the fight they have for you. Always leave something to be desired.

Posted by tiziani
But I think all that is aside from scenarios that involve true love. People who can love freely (irrespective of who their love is direct towards) hold an immense power in life in general, especially in the work place (I am based since I work in a creative industry).

I think God, parents, and pets know what true love is.

Posted by tiziani

if one person has to restrain putting their heart into something to keep others around

I honestly don't believe it is to keep the other person around. I think it's a form of protection for your heart.

Ive done it both ways as well.

1. Hold out, other party wants you more but a real relationship where everything is shared, including feelings, never happens.
2. Lay all your cards on the table, the battle is half won for the other party. No guesswork. No work really. Lazyness. Card layer gets used. Their feelings get used aganist them.

Posted by RealTalk

Posted by tiziani

if one person has to restrain putting their heart into something to keep others around

I honestly don't believe it is to keep the other person around. I think it's a form of protection for your heart.

click to expand

+2

Posted by xdimplez

Posted by RealTalk

Posted by tiziani

if one person has to restrain putting their heart into something to keep others around

I honestly don't believe it is to keep the other person around. I think it's a form of protection for your heart.

+1

although you still get hurt in the end, it's still a bit of a relief that you didn't invest fully into them

click to expand

Isnt it. Like a warm blanket on a cold day or taking your bra off after a long day. When you do lay your cards, I sometimes say to myself, at least I was honest with how I felt. Even if I did get the shaft.

Posted by xdimplez

Posted by DMV

Posted by xdimplez
there is a quote that i truly believe in, and IMO , its been tried and true that

The power in a relationship is the one who cares less

in my experience, once i started showing my emotions to somebody, that is when things start to go down hill.

i think it may be due to the competitive nature of the person that i choose. They love pursuing that object of interest that always seems to be out of their grasp, but once its been captured ... they don't know what to do with it.

i personally dont know what to think of it, because then my insecurities start flaring and i think..." what? do i have a crappy personality? what gives?"

but i have noticed that the less i care, or show that i dont care...the more they stick around

Our suns trine, our moons conjunct, our mercurys sextile. I agree with what you wrote. The one who cares tends to get the shaft. Imo, always hold out. Does no good to jump first.

i had to learn that the hard way...but yet i always make the same mistake. lol, its not that i didnt get it, its just that...there is a part of me that says...screw all that, just love love love show em what you got...but thats the part of me that always gets screwed. thankfully, there are other parts of me that picks up the pieces and can regain its composure to start over again lol

click to expand

You & me both. Growing pains is what they are. You learn the most powerful lessons through pain. You probably kept going through the same experiences because there was somthing you needed to learn & if you didn't learn it, you'll keep getting your ass kicked (not literally, lol) until you finally GET IT. When you DO get it, you'll never make the same mistakes ever again. Trust me, I know!

Posted by tiziani
That's fair enough.

I guess all I'm saying is, would you really want to be surrounded by people where you have to put on a performance?

I'm not going to say I don't understand protecting your heart. But in the end I think we all would like license to be ourselves, 100 percent.

With no risk, no reward. Idk id rather not cry from a broken heart.

Posted by CluelessCancer
My mom says the same things, never tell a man you love him, until after your wed, never give up all your power or time, etc etc etc...

got it, but on the other hand...I just want to love and be loved. It's really that simple for me.

that's why i know i was born in the wrong generation. How can you love when your so damn selfish?

it's ridiculous. me. me. me. power. power. control. control

blah blah i just want to drink wine, have sex, cuddle, and build a life together, why complicate it so much.

I blame rap music

Posted by tiziani
That's fair enough.

I guess all I'm saying is, would you really want to be surrounded by people where you have to put on a performance?

I'm not going to say I don't understand protecting your heart. But in the end I think we all would like license to be ourselves, 100 percent.

That's true, but sometimes you need to re-evaluate yourself & if being your true self is causing the demise of your relationships, it's time for a revision. It's great to be ourselves but you have to love yourself more than anyone else, & if being true to yourself is putting forth more of an effort than your partner, you're selling yourself short & putting on a performance for yourself because you're NOT being true to yourself.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by CluelessCancer
Games
Ego
Power

that's not love. it's not real love.

wish it was just easy for both people to reciprocate feelings in a healthy way.

Cancers cant hold back love and affection. It's just how we roll.

Clueless Cancer coming in late in the 4th quarter with the truth.

But I can respect how everyone feels. Not saying I understand it totally but it's not an alien language to me either. I think I was lucky to find a job where I could totally invest all I had into it rather than saving it for relationships and getting disappointed in the same old ways.

click to expand

If youve been betrayed and stabbed in the heart over and over again, youd say f it and go get a cat 2 lol

Its definitly not a performance. You feel something in your gut telling you to slow your roll.

Posted by DMV

Posted by CluelessCancer
My mom says the same things, never tell a man you love him, until after your wed, never give up all your power or time, etc etc etc...

got it, but on the other hand...I just want to love and be loved. It's really that simple for me.

that's why i know i was born in the wrong generation. How can you love when your so damn selfish?

it's ridiculous. me. me. me. power. power. control. control

blah blah i just want to drink wine, have sex, cuddle, and build a life together, why complicate it so much.

I blame rap music

click to expand

Lol...

Posted by CluelessCancer

Posted by DMV

Posted by tiziani

Posted by CluelessCancer
Games
Ego
Power

that's not love. it's not real love.

wish it was just easy for both people to reciprocate feelings in a healthy way.

Cancers cant hold back love and affection. It's just how we roll.

Clueless Cancer coming in late in the 4th quarter with the truth.

But I can respect how everyone feels. Not saying I understand it totally but it's not an alien language to me either. I think I was lucky to find a job where I could totally invest all I had into it rather than saving it for relationships and getting disappointed in the same old ways.

If youve been betrayed and stabbed in the heart over and over again, youd say f it and go get a cat 2 lol

No thanks on the cats. You just got to choose a healthier mate or be so healthy that rif raf get allergic to you. They see you and go urfff i can't get with that. Too healthy for me.

click to expand

Shall I decide if theyre healthy or not b4 or after I tell them how I feel. Usually ones heart doesnt get broken till after they tell the details of their heart. One truly doesnt decipher if the other party is a dick or not till the cards get layed.

U see the catch 22

Posted by CluelessCancer

Posted by DMV

Posted by tiziani

Posted by CluelessCancer
Games
Ego
Power

that's not love. it's not real love.

wish it was just easy for both people to reciprocate feelings in a healthy way.

Cancers cant hold back love and affection. It's just how we roll.

Clueless Cancer coming in late in the 4th quarter with the truth.

But I can respect how everyone feels. Not saying I understand it totally but it's not an alien language to me either. I think I was lucky to find a job where I could totally invest all I had into it rather than saving it for relationships and getting disappointed in the same old ways.

If youve been betrayed and stabbed in the heart over and over again, youd say f it and go get a cat 2 lol

No thanks on the cats. You just got to choose a healthier mate or be so healthy that rif raf get allergic to you. They see you and go urfff i can't get with that. Too healthy for me.

click to expand

Shall I decide if theyre healthy or not b4 or after I tell them how I feel. Usually ones heart doesnt get broken till after they tell the details of their heart. One truly doesnt decipher if the other party is a dick or not till the cards get layed.

U see the catch 22

Posted by CluelessCancer
I hate when people say "You have to go through pain or go through these experiences" to be prepared for tomorrow or that one person...blah blah

that's BS, i think people who are happy in relationships, are happy due to TIMING and LUCK.

we are no different than any of them. The universe is working against you. Yep. I'll take some of the blame, but not all.

nope

I agree relationships come down to timing or the condom breaks.

Posted by tiziani
I think it's down to opportunity and work = definition of luck.

Happy moments are few and far between in anyone's life, whether single or in a relationship IMO.

I am starting to grasp the idea that being in a relationship with someone is more about being able to help each other prepare to accept those moments of happiness when they do come, rather than getting with someone just because "they make you happy". One lasts the distance, the other one is a nice weekend in Vegas.

So the feeling of happiness u get from the other person isnt enough? Are you talking about other unfufilled needs?

Posted by NoComply
It's sometimes hard to tell, because one might not appreciate the specific way that the other wants to love.

You can love very hard, but it can go unnoticed if the other person wants to be loved a different way.

Very true!

Posted by tiziani

Posted by DMV

Posted by tiziani
I think it's down to opportunity and work = definition of luck.

Happy moments are few and far between in anyone's life, whether single or in a relationship IMO.

I am starting to grasp the idea that being in a relationship with someone is more about being able to help each other prepare to accept those moments of happiness when they do come, rather than getting with someone just because "they make you happy". One lasts the distance, the other one is a nice weekend in Vegas.

So the feeling of happiness u get from the other person isnt enough? Are you talking about other unfufilled needs?

I don't think it'd be enough to build a successful relationship. It never lasts. Too fleeting.

Happiness is only really possible if you can give it to yourself. And then you're able to see it in others. The final step is being willing to share those happy moments with someone else.

But it all starts with your own self. I think of how many moments I've had the opportunity to let someone else make me happy, and I've just passed or turned it down simply because I wasn't happy with myself at the time.

click to expand

Nuff said

Posted by DMV

Posted by tiziani
But I think all that is aside from scenarios that involve true love. People who can love freely (irrespective of who their love is direct towards) hold an immense power in life in general, especially in the work place (I am based since I work in a creative industry).

I think God, parents, and pets know what true love is.

click to expand

yes.

Posted by tiziani
Basically I think the success of a relationship depends on finding someone who consistently drives you to work on yourself, and vice-versa. There'll be happy moments to share within that, for sure.

Lol r u a venuz in cap

Posted by ninjafish

Posted by tiziani
Basically I think the success of a relationship depends on finding someone who consistently drives you to work on yourself, and vice-versa. There'll be happy moments to share within that, for sure.

^Venus in virgo in a nutshell

I actually like the soberness.

click to expand

Venus in earth ic

Posted by tiziani
Yeah, Venus in Virgo pegged right here haha

I can dig it

Posted by tiziani
Basically I think the success of a relationship depends on finding someone who consistently drives you to work on yourself, and vice-versa. There'll be happy moments to share within that, for sure.

fucking bingo.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by DMV

Posted by tiziani
I think it's down to opportunity and work = definition of luck.

Happy moments are few and far between in anyone's life, whether single or in a relationship IMO.

I am starting to grasp the idea that being in a relationship with someone is more about being able to help each other prepare to accept those moments of happiness when they do come, rather than getting with someone just because "they make you happy". One lasts the distance, the other one is a nice weekend in Vegas.

So the feeling of happiness u get from the other person isnt enough? Are you talking about other unfufilled needs?

I don't think it'd be enough to build a successful relationship. It never lasts. Too fleeting.

Happiness is only really possible if you can give it to yourself. And then you're able to see it in others. The final step is being willing to share those happy moments with someone else.

But it all starts with your own self. I think of how many moments I've had the opportunity to let someone else make me happy, and I've just passed or turned it down simply because I wasn't happy with myself at the time.

click to expand

This.

Posted by CluelessCancer
i think people who are happy in relationships, are happy due to TIMING and LUCK.

Yup. Timing is everything & if you get into a relationship with bad timing, it won't be successful.

Posted by DMV

Posted by SeeingStars721

Posted by msX

Posted by SeeingStars721
No offense but your mom sounds insecure. I would never tell my children that.

So youd rather a girl like you more than you like her?

click to expand

No I'd rather it be equal love from both parties. This is the only way a relationship will truly prosper

Posted by msX

Posted by SeeingStars721

Posted by msX

Posted by SeeingStars721

if she does it right, you wouldn't know whether or not she subscribes to what my mom said.
you are privy to this info simply because you are participating in this relationship forum.
but applied, you have no idea.

click to expand

Real world application has resulted in me never being involved with a woman who loves halfheartedly. If the guy is doing it right he sees through anything that is not true. Every girl should just love like she's never been hurt. Holding back out of fear ultimately will be a strong factor in the demise of any relationship.

Love as much as you can, each and every time. It doesn't mean you have lost any power imo. I think of it this way, I give all I have but I am clear that I will walk if you "think that I have become weak" in doing so.

Posted by msX
my mom used to always say to me to never seriously be with a man that you love more than he loves you.
lol...that woman.
gotta love her.
but, seriously...who is loving the other more between y'all?
you or him/her?
is it, like 60/40 or more like 80/20?

Posted by CluelessCancer
I hate when people say "You have to go through pain or go through these experiences" to be prepared for tomorrow or that one person...blah blah

that's BS, i think people who are happy in relationships, are happy due to TIMING and LUCK.

we are no different than any of them. The universe is working against you. Yep. I'll take some of the blame, but not all.

nope

+100

the people who usually say these things are the ones who are happy and in the relationship, they speak from an arrogant place imo, thinking they got it all figured out. No one has it all figured out.

Astrologically,

If you look at the individual charts and then look at the composite chart, whosever's chart is more clearly still visible in the composite chart is the person being loved more.

Posted by LIBRA1234

Posted by nycitycops

Posted by tiziani
I don't know, it's really kind of a zero sum game. Because the person who loves more tends to ultimately have more power in the relationship. And there are all different types of love and power in a chemistry with someone. Sometimes one will take the lead in one way, and another will another another.

Bottom line is when you balance the power, love etc factored all into it, it comes out the other end pretty much as 50/50 over a long enough time.

was that a typo or did you really mean that the one who loves more has more power? I would think it's the opposite...

Yes I would also think that the one who is loved more has more power. I am curious though @Tiz, how did you come up with that theory

click to expand

love isn't about power, yet love IS power. Weird irony. The more love you give, the more power you have...if that makes sense? Look at Jesus Christ. Sure, he got crucified, but look at how many followers and people that love him from past generations and many generations to come.