Would you break up or stay together until you can?

What would you do if you have pretty good thing going on with someone, but you feel like you would not end up together, because:

A: Your life goals are different - you could not fulfil your dreams when you stay with him/her

AND

B: You have unreasonable trust issues - even though he hasn't given you any reason to distrust him/her (and even when there have been few things that have made you question his/hers trust, you finally explode and let it all out... and when he explains, you realise you were wrong for being so suspicious, (even though it will probably happen again)).

So, would you stay with him until you actually have to break up? Or would you break up as soon as you realise that your life goals are different?

(I'm so sorry if it all sounds confusing, I have had 3-4 glasses of wine already 😢)

tbh stay together.

Posted by xXxQueenliciaXxX
I don't think these issues are worth throwing a good thing away.

Relationships take work. If it hadn't been these issues it would've been something else eventually. Nothing remains blissful forever.

If you truly love that person, you're going to fight for them. As long as you are both dedicated to working through these issues together, it can last.

Communication is key.

You talk like you are on a right dosage of

meds today! ?

Write it down so you always sensible and rational. ?

Posted by whatever001
What would you do if you have pretty good thing going on with someone, but you feel like you would not end up together, because:

A: Your life goals are different - you could not fulfil your dreams when you stay with him/her

AND

B: You have unreasonable trust issues - even though he hasn't given you any reason to distrust him/her (and even when there have been few things that have made you question his/hers trust, you finally explode and let it all out... and when he explains, you realise you were wrong for being so suspicious, (even though it will probably happen again)).

So, would you stay with him until you actually have to break up? Or would you break up as soon as you realise that your life goals are different?

(I'm so sorry if it all sounds confusing, I have had 3-4 glasses of wine already 😢)

These same thoughts swim around in my head also, I go from one extreme to the other...whats your placements?

I got the same delemma

And the thing is both of us know that our relationship wont last. Several break ups already occured not because of fights or misunderstanding. Its because of that thought of not going to last... its complicated!!!

But there is this something that can only be discribe when we are together..

Well the fact is, no body is alone in this kind of situation and what we agreed upon is up to us to think it over.🙂

compromise early 15c., "a joint promise to abide by an arbiter's decision," from Middle French compromis (13c.), from Latin compromissus, past participle of compromittere "to make a mutual promise" (to abide by the arbiter's decision), from com "with, together" (see com-) + promittere (see promise). The main modern sense of "a coming to terms" is from extension to the settlement itself (late 15c.). Removed from the english language in the late 20th century when most 20 somethings today were born.

Thank you so much everyone!!!

It has definitely given me some more clearance. I know I have to work on my trust issues, it's so difficult though. But another factor is that we want different things. And I'm afraid I would depend on him financially if we would stay together forever.

But still, thank you all for your replies, I think I can make my decision easier now.

Posted by whatever001
What would you do if you have pretty good thing going on with someone, but you feel like you would not end up together, because:

A: Your life goals are different - you could not fulfil your dreams when you stay with him/her

AND

B: You have unreasonable trust issues - even though he hasn't given you any reason to distrust him/her (and even when there have been few things that have made you question his/hers trust, you finally explode and let it all out... and when he explains, you realise you were wrong for being so suspicious, (even though it will probably happen again)).

So, would you stay with him until you actually have to break up? Or would you break up as soon as you realise that your life goals are different?

(I'm so sorry if it all sounds confusing, I have had 3-4 glasses of wine already 😢)

These are two vastly different things. So I have two very different opinions on this.

A. I actually have a friend who broke up with a gorgeous woman who did not share in his ambitions, only to find the love of his life who did. Compromise is important in any relationship, but to a point. You want to be with someone who can (at least) motivate you to pursue your dreams. So if the person you're with is actively blocking that, you can't truly become fulfilled as a person. What is a couple if not two complete people sharing themselves with one another?

Your life goals being different isn't a problem, unless they conflict with one another. I also just came from wedding between another set of friends who broke up at one point to pursue their degrees. Then they got back together and continued their relationship. They are much happier now than they would have been if they'd stayed together the entire time. So in this scenario I wouldn't say that you NEED to dump the other person unless you truly believe that you wouldn't be able to grow by staying with them.

B. You simply need to work on your trust issues. Breaking up with your significant other due to you own paranoia is nonsense. Don't let your trust issues dictate your relationship. Look into WHY you have those issues instead and fix them. This will make you a much better person for your partner.

I would probably work on my irrational trust issues with a qualified therapist so that if I decided to leave or stay I am prepared for the intimacy that is either coming or the intimacy that I have now. Great question.

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by whatever001
What would you do if you have pretty good thing going on with someone, but you feel like you would not end up together, because:

A: Your life goals are different - you could not fulfil your dreams when you stay with him/her

AND

B: You have unreasonable trust issues - even though he hasn't given you any reason to distrust him/her (and even when there have been few things that have made you question his/hers trust, you finally explode and let it all out... and when he explains, you realise you were wrong for being so suspicious, (even though it will probably happen again)).

So, would you stay with him until you actually have to break up? Or would you break up as soon as you realise that your life goals are different?

(I'm so sorry if it all sounds confusing, I have had 3-4 glasses of wine already 😢)

These are two vastly different things. So I have two very different opinions on this.

A. I actually have a friend who broke up with a gorgeous woman who did not share in his ambitions, only to find the love of his life who did. Compromise is important in any relationship, but to a point. You want to be with someone who can (at least) motivate you to pursue your dreams. So if the person you're with is actively blocking that, you can't truly become fulfilled as a person. What is a couple if not two complete people sharing themselves with one another?

Your life goals being different isn't a problem, unless they conflict with one another. I also just came from wedding between another set of friends who broke up at one point to pursue their degrees. Then they got back together and continued their relationship. They are much happier now than they would have been if they'd stayed together the entire time. So in this scenario I wouldn't say that you NEED to dump the other person unless you truly believe that you wouldn't be able to grow by staying with them.

B. You simply need to work on your trust issues. Breaking up with your significant other due to you own paranoia is nonsense. Don't let your trust issues dictate your relationship. Look into WHY you have those issues instead and fix them. This will make you a much better person for your partner.

click to expand

Thanks for your detailed reply and thanks for bringing such a positive example. The thing is that I think my partner is complete, but I am not. I still need figure out how to fulfil myself career-wise. And if I stay with him for the rest of my life, I feel I couldn't achieve some of my life-goals which would be very important for me.

And, I think I slowly have been able to work on my trust issues. There is still long way to go, but dxpnet users words and my bf's words have been able to help me quite a bit.

Posted by whatever001

Posted by Chuckcem

Posted by whatever001
What would you do if you have pretty good thing going on with someone, but you feel like you would not end up together, because:

A: Your life goals are different - you could not fulfil your dreams when you stay with him/her

AND

B: You have unreasonable trust issues - even though he hasn't given you any reason to distrust him/her (and even when there have been few things that have made you question his/hers trust, you finally explode and let it all out... and when he explains, you realise you were wrong for being so suspicious, (even though it will probably happen again)).

So, would you stay with him until you actually have to break up? Or would you break up as soon as you realise that your life goals are different?

(I'm so sorry if it all sounds confusing, I have had 3-4 glasses of wine already 😢)

These are two vastly different things. So I have two very different opinions on this.

A. I actually have a friend who broke up with a gorgeous woman who did not share in his ambitions, only to find the love of his life who did. Compromise is important in any relationship, but to a point. You want to be with someone who can (at least) motivate you to pursue your dreams. So if the person you're with is actively blocking that, you can't truly become fulfilled as a person. What is a couple if not two complete people sharing themselves with one another?

Your life goals being different isn't a problem, unless they conflict with one another. I also just came from wedding between another set of friends who broke up at one point to pursue their degrees. Then they got back together and continued their relationship. They are much happier now than they would have been if they'd stayed together the entire time. So in this scenario I wouldn't say that you NEED to dump the other person unless you truly believe that you wouldn't be able to grow by staying with them.

B. You simply need to work on your trust issues. Breaking up with your significant other due to you own paranoia is nonsense. Don't let your trust issues dictate your relationship. Look into WHY you have those issues instead and fix them. This will make you a much better person for your partner.

Thanks for your detailed reply and thanks for bringing such a positive example. The thing is that I think my partner is complete, but I am not. I still need figure out how to fulfil myself career-wise. And if I stay with him for the rest of my life, I feel I couldn't achieve some of my life-goals which would be very important for me.

And, I think I slowly have been able to work on my trust issues. There is still long way to go, but dxpnet users words and my bf's words have been able to help me quite a bit.

click to expand

Right, try talking to him first about your career goals to see what compromises you may be able to reach that would work best for you two.