A successful relationship

—A successful relationship requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.?? - Mignon McLaughlin

I read this quote the other day and was pretty taken aback by it. It made me think of the cycle and flow of relationships, the ups and downs, and trials and the rewards. For some reason it gave me hope.

In other news, do you agree with this? How would you interpret this quote?

I get what the point is, but that's not how I take it. It is trying to say that a relationship takes work. You have to put effort into it all the time. Guys, don't stop taking your women out, stay involved, stay interesting, keep being the guy she fell in love with. If you want it to last than you can't sit back and just let it ride. I agree with this part of it but I also see a problem that makes me lose the hope you see. The problem is that, if 'falling in love' is so temporary you have to do it over and over again, what hope do you have of truely making it last? With billions of people out there, someone is going to fall in love with ME over and over again? Hell, part of me thinks it is a fluke it happened the first time, now I gotta make sure it happens repeatedly? Damn!

The truth as I see it is that most relationships are not supposed to last. If you find a real love you won't need to find it over and over again. Sure there will be problems and there will be times when you may want to scream and/or choke them but at the end of the day you still know you wouldn't want to run this race with anyone else by your side. You find a partner, an equal. You build them up and they build you up, you don't hide anything, they can see your weaknesses without seeing you as weak. I think we worry so much about the 'what ifs' that we stay way longer than we should because an exisiting troubled thing is better than a theorectical good thing. We get into relationships with people that have many of the things we want, plus one or two really big fucking negatives. Then we try and rationalize and justify those deal breakers because of how good they could be without them.

I dont believe in labelling a relationship either "succesful" or "unsuccesful", they can be given both names depending on the moment in time and both people's emotional happiness at those particular moments. If a relationship ends after a short time, it doesnt necessarily mean it was "unsuccesful", maybe it just reached its natural expiration date.

Besides, setting yourself the goal of "making my relationship succesful" as your only true intention, merely adds unnecessary pressure to the bond between the two people, it makes it all look a bit forced and artificial.

I was really grumpy earlier, ignore me.



good point Shaka.

Posted by Candeh15

—A successful relationship requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.?? - Mignon McLaughlin

It made me think of the cycle and flow of relationships, the ups and downs, and trials and the rewards.

I tend to view it as you do, Candeh.

This is something I think about often with my husband, though, not in those words ... but, same meaning.

Anytime I am irritated, or mad at him, or just feeling neglected by him, or any bad feeling ... my mind always turns to why I love him so much, and in forcing myself to remember those things makes all my bad feelings go away. Then when it's all over and I've finally gotten over myself ... there he stands, unmoved, waiting for me to recover with a smile on his face, waiting for me to fall in love with him all over again, for now another reason.

30 years later, we still find more ways in which to love each other ... people around us (our social circle) are amazed at how we appear to be newlyweds, very into each other.

—Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.??
?? Louis de Berni?res, Captain Corelli's Mandolin

*hand over heart* This, always this. Loves initial spark roars into life, at times burning away everything in its path. It dies back to embers, gently fanned by the breeze only to come into being once more. It is cyclical like the seasons, has ebbs and flow like La Mere herself. At times it makes no more sense or has no more reason than why a blade of straw can either drift softly to earth or drive into the heart of the oak with violent storm.
True love bends, but it never breaks.
At the end of the day I do not want to remember drama, games and so much intensity that all sense is lost. I want to have my hand enfolded and smile into the eyes of my best friend. Knowing well and long every in and out of him and he of me.

I think you need to end up with someone who is your best friend... the begininng stages of love dont last forever and after all that ends i think it would be amazing to end up with your best friend..

—A successful relationship requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.?? - Mignon McLaughlin

i agree Candeh. its nice to have someone to go through all the cycles of life with. when one cycle is over, whether its a tribulation or success, its wonderful to know that you have that one person that was there through it all. and through each cycle your love grows.

—A successful relationship requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.?? - Mignon McLaughlin

🙂

this is gonna be corny, but I agree because I feel like I fall more in love with my Libra after we go through rough times.
So it is like falling in love over and over, because it's growing

Posted by Ellybean

Posted by brianafay

Plus I've read a number of studies that show that bonding through difficulties reinvigorates relationships, releases dopamine, ect. Only other thing on par with it tends to be joint spiritual bonding of any sort between couples.

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Oh yeah. That's crazy because I just went through a very difficult situation & it made me care about him more. Like it made our bond stronger.

Posted by RealTalk

Posted by Ellybean

Posted by brianafay

Plus I've read a number of studies that show that bonding through difficulties reinvigorates relationships, releases dopamine, ect. Only other thing on par with it tends to be joint spiritual bonding of any sort between couples.

Oh yeah. That's crazy because I just went through a very difficult situation & it made me care about him more. Like it made our bond stronger.

click to expand

This is an experiment that I learned about in psychology about two years ago:

A man was made to cross a very long and high bridge. When he got to the other end, he was met by a generally attractive woman who asked him questions about his experience. By the end, the woman walked away with the man's number. The man found the woman to be very attractive (physically and mentally) even though he had never met her before. Why? The experience of crossing the bridge increased adrenaline, the heart rate, ect. When the man reached the woman, these physiological symptoms were still present, which could be construed as feeling like "you have butterflies" when around the woman. This is why they say if you want to love your partner more, or feel like you love your partner more, do something extreme with him or her.

This isn't actually what that research is about, but it's kind of the same idea, IMO. When you face difficulties together, you are forced to either work through it together or simply fall apart. Imagine running a really long and hard race; you're going to experience intense emotions, falls, scrapes; you're going to want to give up. But, when you get the end of the race, you feel relief and joy. Joy that you made it through and that you made it through together. Its' a situation that brings you closer because you are completely vulnerable and raw. Your partner has to see your lowest points and vice versa. If a couple can withstand that, there is obviously something holding them together; something less superficial.

My boyfriend and I have been together about a year now, and we're both going through some hardships; more so personally than couple related things, but it has brought us closer together because we have both shown our vulnerability and have stuck through it.