Changing someone

We're all taught not to be with someone who doesn't accept us for who we really are

We're also taught not to be with someone who tries too hard to change us

Only problem with that is, sometimes another person can easily recognize/identify self-induced problems within us that we otherwise would've ignored or not changed had we never met that person or had we been alone the whole time

Sometimes trying to get someone to change is not all that bad. Especially if what they need to change is negative or something that's negatively affected their past friendships/relationships

Some people don't change on their own. They need that extra push & guidance from outsiders who can see things from an objective standpoint.

Sometimes a person wants you to change b/c it's their way of trying to manipulate you or somehow mold you into what they want you to be or wish you were.

Other times a person really is concerned & hopes that you not only change for youself, but also for the better so that future friendships/relationships don't get affected by whatever flaw/habbit/trait you have.

We've all seen the girl who tries convincing her man to stop partying or drinking so much. The man may assume she's only asking him to change b/c she's controlling. But if what she's asking him to do/change is only gonna bring on more gain/benefit than justifiable loss, asking him to compromise or change isn't so bad after all, especially if the advice given can not only positively affect their relationship, but also current/future relationships with others too.

I hate that so many people are afraid to change. And when they actually do look in the mirror & notice flaws that need to change immediately, they quickly go on the defense whenever someone on the outside spots those flaws & advises them to "Straighten up." Technically that person is asking you to "change." TECHNICALLY that person isn't fully accepting of who you are

So where is the limit?

Interesting topic.....

Perhaps the limit is when it gets to the point where suggesting someone should change becomes manipulative. I agree that we should accept others for who/how they are, but that does not mean we have to like or accept them into our lives/world.

My own personal opinion....I don't think it's fair to ask someone to change....that is an individual choice. We are all individuals with traits/flaws/charactistics that are unique to us. Outsiders looking in may offer suggestions and if the other chooses to indulge, so be it, if not.....move on. Why continue to invest time on someone who isn't willing?

Also, change is the only thing that is constant in life. So, instead of "fighting" it, why not embrace it?

Posted by Archimedes
Interesting topic.....

My own personal opinion....I don't think it's fair to ask someone to change....that is an individual choice. We are all individuals with traits/flaws/charactistics that are unique to us. Outsiders looking in may offer suggestions and if the other chooses to indulge, so be it, if not.....move on. Why continue to invest time on someone who isn't willing?

Well if a stranger, associate or someone I didn't know well or care alot for asked me to change, I'd feel that it was unfair for them to ask me to change

BUT, I think humans can be so ignorant & blind of how their actions/life style affects those around them.

So it'd be different if my parents, my man, my siblings, my boss or my best friends asked me to change, especially if I knew deep down that the change would only bring on good things for me & my relationships with them

Sure, we can always get defense, give the cold shoulder & walk away from others who ask us to change & consider it THEIR loss, BUT the flipside to that is that if we don't change (especially if it's for the betterment of everyone) it's moreso OUR loss, not theirs.

People that are very self-taught, fixed & too stubborn to change even when it's best for them shouldn't be the main people shouting "Accept me for who I am or get lost!" b/c usually when 100 people are all saying the same things, it's not them that's imagining things, it's you who needs to get with the program, look in the mirror & make the changes.

"Well if a stranger, associate or someone I didn't know well or care alot for asked me to change, I'd feel that it was unfair for them to ask me to change"

Really? Interesting, I would be intrigued by that. If someone I was not familiar with approached me after observing me/my actions, and suggested a change, I would find that facinating! I think I may put that to the test!

"BUT, I think humans can be so ignorant & blind of how their actions/life style affects those around them."

I agree with this statement. I believe in "Do unto others" however, I'm realizing that not everyone wants to be treated the same. I never really understood why humans let the actions/words/opinions of others define/mold us. Where do we lose our sense of self?

Just as you can't force a drug addict to quite you can't force someone to change, and if you love someone "for the way they are" and they aren't the way you'd like them to be then don't be with them.

Very simple but a lot of people don't seem to understand this. :/