Candeh15
@Candeh15
15 Years1,000+ PostsVirgo
Comments: 5 · Posts: 4244 · Topics: 258
Dating pheromones?
Posted by pigeonpie
Puts a whole new spinning on other people 'sniffing' round their man/woman 🙂
Hahaha, we're definitely animals out there.
I've been told..."The only thing you need in order to get a date...is another date."
I agree with Sweet that you are giving off a different vibe when you are in a relationship...perhaps it's a newfound or greater confidence and that's what's attracting guys to you? Another theory is that a single guy knows that you are worth it or special if another guy has entered into a relationship with you...there had to be something about YOU that set you apart from other girls that caused your guy to choose you so maybe the single guy wants to figure out what that something is and therefore would like to date you.
Also, have you ever heard the phrase 'you want what you can't have'? I think that can factor into it as well.
Also, have you ever heard the phrase 'you want what you can't have'? I think that can factor into it as well.
I think the same thing happens in other areas of life too. When you're unemployed, no potential job employers/prospects will call you back. BUT the very minute someone actually gives you a chance & calls you back, that's all of the sudden when allllllll those jobs that kept saying, "We're not hiring" or "try again later" all of the sudden start calling and/or want you to come to their office!
This debate is relevant in why some women are drawn to married men. It's the aspect that someone whose already taken is more attractive. This mindset originates from the fact that if someone is taken, they must be desirable, they must possess traits in them that signalfy loyalty, charm, dedication, fidelity, etc.
That's why some women are extra attracted to men who are out in public catering to their wives. It sends the signal to women that yes, that man is capable of commitment (which is 1 of the main obstacles single women face) & that yes, he's capable of being loving and/or all the things that woman truly wants for herself. As with anything, the minute we see someone else having the very thing we want OR had, we all of the sudden want it again.
Same goes with food. We eat twice as much when the fridge is stocked all the way up. But not b/c we're that hungry; no but moreso b/c it's there. And since it's there & looks enticing, we convince ourselves that we're hungry even if we probably wouldn't have been had the fridge been empty
We've all heard it before, "No one wants someone that another person doesn't want."
This debate is relevant in why some women are drawn to married men. It's the aspect that someone whose already taken is more attractive. This mindset originates from the fact that if someone is taken, they must be desirable, they must possess traits in them that signalfy loyalty, charm, dedication, fidelity, etc.
That's why some women are extra attracted to men who are out in public catering to their wives. It sends the signal to women that yes, that man is capable of commitment (which is 1 of the main obstacles single women face) & that yes, he's capable of being loving and/or all the things that woman truly wants for herself. As with anything, the minute we see someone else having the very thing we want OR had, we all of the sudden want it again.
Same goes with food. We eat twice as much when the fridge is stocked all the way up. But not b/c we're that hungry; no but moreso b/c it's there. And since it's there & looks enticing, we convince ourselves that we're hungry even if we probably wouldn't have been had the fridge been empty
We've all heard it before, "No one wants someone that another person doesn't want."
But we must not get too arrogant about things though. Not every Tom, Dick & Harry that tries to come snickering back into our lives once we're taken is in it with the right intentions.
For example, if you notice that all your F buddies are all of the sudden blowing your phone up ever since they heard you got "wifed up" it's probably NOT b/c they wanted to wife you up & wish they had more time. No, if they wanted you in that way, they would've made that move when they had your undivided attention. It's moreso that they try to come crawling back simply b/c they're testing you to see if you're TRULY committed to the new person. OR they may not wanna give up yet on getting those benefits.
People are plain out nosy too. They may try to come back into your life strictly to find out all the details & juicy gossip on the new person you're dating/committed to. People always love to pick a part someone else's romance; they're always waiting on you to say the wrong thing so they can give you their "2 scents/advice." I think this is also why committed women are advised not to necessarily listen to their single friends whenever they get in a new relationship OR are having problems in a relationship they've been in for awhile. I think it's b/c men know that not everybody cares. Some people just "wanna know" simply b/c they wanna be nosy OR b/c misery loves company. Smh
For example, if you notice that all your F buddies are all of the sudden blowing your phone up ever since they heard you got "wifed up" it's probably NOT b/c they wanted to wife you up & wish they had more time. No, if they wanted you in that way, they would've made that move when they had your undivided attention. It's moreso that they try to come crawling back simply b/c they're testing you to see if you're TRULY committed to the new person. OR they may not wanna give up yet on getting those benefits.
People are plain out nosy too. They may try to come back into your life strictly to find out all the details & juicy gossip on the new person you're dating/committed to. People always love to pick a part someone else's romance; they're always waiting on you to say the wrong thing so they can give you their "2 scents/advice." I think this is also why committed women are advised not to necessarily listen to their single friends whenever they get in a new relationship OR are having problems in a relationship they've been in for awhile. I think it's b/c men know that not everybody cares. Some people just "wanna know" simply b/c they wanna be nosy OR b/c misery loves company. Smh
Oh no honey I wasn't talking about you. I actually had a friend in mind when I wrote the "arrogant" comment. I swear, every time she gets in a new relationship, she's always bragging about how much those "other guys" really want her. And I just sit there like, honey I'm not hating at all, but um, they only want you b/c someone else does. If they had've really wanted you, they would've seized the opportunity when they had the chance!
My friend gets so conceited when she talks about the guys that want her after she's already committed. Crazy thing is, half the guys that wanted her afterwards, were all jerks to her when she was single. They didn't care a lick about commitment nor did they care about any other men in her life AS LONG as they were still getting the benefits.
And in this world today, most opposite sex friendship aren't just strictly platonic anymore. There almost always involves some sort of benefit giving and/or some kind of conduct that will have to be stopped once they get with someone else. And truthfully, some people hate surrendering those benefits to some new guy that came & swept a woman off her feet. They still wanna "get theirs!"
My friend gets so conceited when she talks about the guys that want her after she's already committed. Crazy thing is, half the guys that wanted her afterwards, were all jerks to her when she was single. They didn't care a lick about commitment nor did they care about any other men in her life AS LONG as they were still getting the benefits.
And in this world today, most opposite sex friendship aren't just strictly platonic anymore. There almost always involves some sort of benefit giving and/or some kind of conduct that will have to be stopped once they get with someone else. And truthfully, some people hate surrendering those benefits to some new guy that came & swept a woman off her feet. They still wanna "get theirs!"
Yeah I remember when me and this gemini decided to date that same day all these guys were eying me and I got a lot of guys contacting me. It's that glow you get when you like someone. You feel like you're more stable when you're with someone and other guys sense that and wanna be with you. Also you're not looking so you can just be yourself
Posted by SweetLibra
Please excuse the arrogant undertones of what I was trying to say. It wasn't meant that way. All I meant was that I get approached more when I am in a relationship than not. And the guys would not even know I was in a relationship. That's why I was leaning toward it being the whole "aura" thing. You make a very valid point though.
That's the interesting thing though; it's that these guys don't even KNOW I'm starting to see someone else. I never mention things like that; it's just, they all come out of the woodwork when I don't really want them too.
Its the energy they're giving off, I would imagine. No longer single usually gives one a certain confidence that a single person typically doesn't have and its attractive to the opposite (same) sex.
Probably why its usually at its peak at the early stages of seeing someone new. You're high on infatuation and that energy is pouring out of you, so to speak.
Probably why its usually at its peak at the early stages of seeing someone new. You're high on infatuation and that energy is pouring out of you, so to speak.
Just read and realized what I said had been mentioned already. My bad.
Well generally when a person starts dating someone new OR enters into a new commitment, they have a "glow" about them. They appear to be more alive, more energetic, & they take better care of their appearance. They tend to be more alert & aware of what they deserve.
And I think this stems from the fact that most of us have our standards list on high hell/wall up when we 1st get with someone b/c we're all on our tippy toes to make sure we're not wasting our time or getting our hopes up for nothing. And to others on the outside who are not used to that side of you, they are instantly attracted even more to you.
A friend of mine wondered why all her F buddies randomly started hitting her up more often once she got into a relationship. Welp, all those guys noticed a few things about her that they didn't get the chance to see when she was single & just mingling with them. My friend started paying more attention to her appearance, she was way more aware of how she looked to others. She was glowing & smiling from ear to ear. Basically all the things we START doing when we get in a new relationship are seen as turn ons to others who probably wouldn't have seen those things had we still been single.
My friend wasn't as worried about looking scrumptious/sexy for her F buddies. Her backbone/demand for respect & for the things that she deserves weren't written on her forehead, b/c after all, she didn't see the need in putting her "Superwoman" face on to a bunch of guys that she knew she would never end up with.
Plus, I'd hope that once you get in a new relationship that you cut off all ties with F buddies and/or unnecessary people in your life. Of course old F buddies hate hearing about your new relationship b/c to them, it symbolizes that their benefits they were getting from you are about to expire.
And I think this stems from the fact that most of us have our standards list on high hell/wall up when we 1st get with someone b/c we're all on our tippy toes to make sure we're not wasting our time or getting our hopes up for nothing. And to others on the outside who are not used to that side of you, they are instantly attracted even more to you.
A friend of mine wondered why all her F buddies randomly started hitting her up more often once she got into a relationship. Welp, all those guys noticed a few things about her that they didn't get the chance to see when she was single & just mingling with them. My friend started paying more attention to her appearance, she was way more aware of how she looked to others. She was glowing & smiling from ear to ear. Basically all the things we START doing when we get in a new relationship are seen as turn ons to others who probably wouldn't have seen those things had we still been single.
My friend wasn't as worried about looking scrumptious/sexy for her F buddies. Her backbone/demand for respect & for the things that she deserves weren't written on her forehead, b/c after all, she didn't see the need in putting her "Superwoman" face on to a bunch of guys that she knew she would never end up with.
Plus, I'd hope that once you get in a new relationship that you cut off all ties with F buddies and/or unnecessary people in your life. Of course old F buddies hate hearing about your new relationship b/c to them, it symbolizes that their benefits they were getting from you are about to expire.
Posted by Candeh15Posted by SweetLibra
Please excuse the arrogant undertones of what I was trying to say. It wasn't meant that way. All I meant was that I get approached more when I am in a relationship than not. And the guys would not even know I was in a relationship. That's why I was leaning toward it being the whole "aura" thing. You make a very valid point though.
That's the interesting thing though; it's that these guys don't even KNOW I'm starting to see someone else. I never mention things like that; it's just, they all come out of the woodwork when I don't really want them too.click to expand
This has happened to me too. Maybe it's sheer coincidence.
Maybe those others are coming out of no where all of the sudden when you get a new man b/c that's God's way of testing you to see if you're really where you want to be in your new relationship. After all, there's no one more tempting than those in your past right?! I swear, I think the past always comes a knocking the minute you venture into new territory b/c it's a test. It's a test to see if moving on was REALLY what we wanted. And most people usually know the answer to that question once they've noticed the past knocking after they've moved on to someone else. They'll either past the test or fail it.
Posted by Candeh15
But in general, why is it that people seem to be more attracted to others when that person suddenly becomes unavailable, whether they know it or don't?
They don't .. you are confused because you don't know any better. People aren't more attracted to another because of the situation presented.
It's the person in the relationship who has altered their perception in thinking this because they want to take notice of it.
It's just like ... a person might say, "every time I look at the clock, it's 3:18, is this a sign?" ...... no, it's not a sign, you look at the clock to see every minute of the day, but because your birthday is March 18th, you take notice of this day.
When you buy a new car, you suddenly notice all cars like yours ... this doesnt' mean there are suddenly a wave of your kind of car being sold ..
.... it means, you take notice of something that you want to see.
People that you want to be attracted to you, you will notice them looking at you and think they want you because you want them to want you .... in reality, they are looking at every woman in the room.
Actually, they are always around .... while single you have no need for greener grass, so you don't notice. Men are always there, suitors, as you call them ...
when you have a man, you then notice the others that didn't notice before because they were all right there all the time. Now, you have someone and there might be one better, so now you notice what was oblivious to you before ....
This doesn't mean the men suddenly have changed in their desire for you ... it means YOUR desire has changed in the aspect that you want these men to want you because they might be better than what you have.
My point is that .... it's not the other person suddenly changing .. it's you.
when you have a man, you then notice the others that didn't notice before because they were all right there all the time. Now, you have someone and there might be one better, so now you notice what was oblivious to you before ....
This doesn't mean the men suddenly have changed in their desire for you ... it means YOUR desire has changed in the aspect that you want these men to want you because they might be better than what you have.
My point is that .... it's not the other person suddenly changing .. it's you.
For the mere fact that this happens all the time to you and you never comprehended that you, and your perception of the exact same scenero is the common denominator .... proves my point that it's not the other person.
Those men have always been there .. everyday that you go to work, they are there, giving you signals of interest that you were oblivious to until you hooked up with someone .. then suddenly, you start checking out your options.
The option was always there.
Those men have always been there .. everyday that you go to work, they are there, giving you signals of interest that you were oblivious to until you hooked up with someone .. then suddenly, you start checking out your options.
The option was always there.
Posted by SweetLibraPosted by P-Angel
For the mere fact that this happens all the time to you and you never comprehended that you, and your perception of the exact same scenero is the common denominator .... proves my point that it's not the other person.
Those men have always been there .. everyday that you go to work, they are there, giving you signals of interest that you were oblivious to until you hooked up with someone .. then suddenly, you start checking out your options.
The option was always there.
I get this it makes sense. But I am the type that when I decide to get seriously involved with someone or when I start to really fall for someone, I'm all in. I am not looking for any other options. They are just presenting themselves to me when I get to this point in my relationships. Like I said, those guys never showed an interest before. If they felt interested in me, they never made it known to me. So it wasn't that I was ignoring it or oblivious to it. There was no contact before.They are not in my department. Yes maybe they saw me in passing, but there were no signals made or given. And yes there are options available to all of us everyday that we may not be aware of. But in these situations, the options are only appearing when I am open to someone else. So for 6 months while I was single and available, these guys had nothing to say to me, Then all of a sudden on the same day they all finally get up the nerve to approach me? Maybe it's sheer coincidence, maybe not. And believe me. If I am single for 6 months, I am looking. I would notice someone giving me the eye whether I was interested in him or not. I wouldn't be oblivious to it. I hear your point, but I don't think it applies to my situations when this has happened to me.click to expand
I kind of have to agree with SweetLibra here. While I get the point you're making and I probably have done this before, I wasn't oblivious to their advances before. I've actually tried to make things work with them before, but when things didn't work out, contacts with these guys would become less, and I would work on getting over them. As I mentioned, the cancer had gone missing for a few months and I had barely spoken to him; so he eventually returned right around the time I started speaking to/seeing the aquarius guy, and has wanted to see me
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