Dealing with hurt from unappreciative family

How do people deal with hurt from close family members who are un-appretiative of all your efforts ?

I admit I wanted to vent this as the hurt is unbearable sometimes. So I am the only child and I am living with my mother. Being a cap moon I am not vocal about my love for her but I love her to the moon and back. Doesn't matter what I do I am never enough for her. If a neighbour girl or any one else does a small thing for her she'll remember her throughout her life. Doesn't matter if I have done that thing for her countless times.

She mentions that person to all the guests that she was my girl she did this and this for me. It's been 5 years she's mentioning this girl to all the guests time and again. And she'll do this for the rest of her life.

I am not the one to get jealous but I have done the same thing for her numerous times but she never acknowledges that even finds faults in that. I get extremely hurt with her words but can't say anything as she won't listen to me because I am NOTHING to her. I always cry inside my room and then get out like nothing has ever happened, ready to get hurt by her again. I cannot wish anything bad for her as it will hurt me the most in return. My life sucks

Sorry for the vent, the hurt is sometimes unbearable this is one of those moments and I am writing this with tears rolling down my cheeks.

Yes I am taking care of her as she is old and cannot take care of herself.

The way she talks with the guests give them the impression that I have never done anything for her. They always give me those weird looks.

i'll do my duty but i'll detach emotionally

Posted by _mudra

Posted by anna1

Yes I am taking care of her as she is old and cannot take care of herself.

I wonder if there is some kind of assistance you can get for caregivers or something. Dunno where you live but it's worth a try if you haven't... you need a break. Seriously. You can't take care of people if you're feeling like sht all the time. Then she can have the opportunity to see how much you do for her.

It's ok to vent and that really would suck so I'm sorry. But that doesn't need to be your full on responsibility 24/7 for the rest of her life. Gotta take some action into getting help with her care.

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Our culture values doesn't allow us to leave parents when they get old. We are the ones who are expected to take care of them ourselves.

Posted by MissKrabs

cap moon is a hard placement. don't take it personal. move on and do stuff for your well being. maybe with some other ppl.

The problem is whoever sits with her for sometime think that she is a nice person and I am the the one having problem. I will always be blamed by everyone doesn't matter what I do.

Even my bf thought that way after sitting with her for some time. I can't even open up to him about her behavior with me. It just doesn't feel right to me

Posted by virgoOPPP

i'll do my duty but i'll detach emotionally

Posted by Sailor_Mars

Hello fellow Aries Sun/Cap. Moon! As someone already stated, Capricorn Moon is a difficult placement and always shows through complicated family relationships.

I feel you because for me, being of help and praised for it means a lot... Maybe she's manipulating you? I don't know your history...People tend to do that, family especially...If she is like that, you need to emotionally detach.

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I am a good poker face nobody can tell what's going on inside me when deep down my heart is crying out loud. I am emotionally detached (kindof) but I am a human being I do get hurt when doing alot for someone get unacknowledged and unappreciated even it results in faults and criticism. She always criticizes me infront of others which to me is the least thing I would do if I love someone.

Posted by anna1

Posted by virgoOPPP

i'll do my duty but i'll detach emotionally

Posted by Sailor_Mars

Hello fellow Aries Sun/Cap. Moon! As someone already stated, Capricorn Moon is a difficult placement and always shows through complicated family relationships.

I feel you because for me, being of help and praised for it means a lot... Maybe she's manipulating you? I don't know your history...People tend to do that, family especially...If she is like that, you need to emotionally detach.

I am a good poker face nobody can tell what's going on inside me when deep down my heart is crying out loud. I am emotionally detached (kimdoff) but I am a human being I do get hurt when doing alot for someone get unacknowledged and unappreciated even it results in faults and criticism. She always criticizes me infront of others which to me is the least thing I would do if I love someone.

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can you afford a nurse for her?

maybe old age too has affected her mind

but you can't control how people treat you nor how they feel

all you can do is your duty, no matter how you feel

Posted by virgoOPPP

Posted by anna1

Posted by virgoOPPP

i'll do my duty but i'll detach emotionally

Posted by Sailor_Mars

Hello fellow Aries Sun/Cap. Moon! As someone already stated, Capricorn Moon is a difficult placement and always shows through complicated family relationships.

I feel you because for me, being of help and praised for it means a lot... Maybe she's manipulating you? I don't know your history...People tend to do that, family especially...If she is like that, you need to emotionally detach.

I am a good poker face nobody can tell what's going on inside me when deep down my heart is crying out loud. I am emotionally detached (kimdoff) but I am a human being I do get hurt when doing alot for someone get unacknowledged and unappreciated even it results in faults and criticism. She always criticizes me infront of others which to me is the least thing I would do if I love someone.

can you afford a nurse for her?

maybe old age too has affected her mind

but you can't control how people treat you nor how they feel

all you can do is your duty, no matter how you feel

click to expand

Yeah doing my duty. Will do it no matter what. She wasn't even giving me the approval to get married to my bf because she thought that way I'll leave her.

Posted by anna1

Posted by virgoOPPP

Posted by anna1

Posted by virgoOPPP

i'll do my duty but i'll detach emotionally

Posted by Sailor_Mars

Hello fellow Aries Sun/Cap. Moon! As someone already stated, Capricorn Moon is a difficult placement and always shows through complicated family relationships.

I feel you because for me, being of help and praised for it means a lot... Maybe she's manipulating you? I don't know your history...People tend to do that, family especially...If she is like that, you need to emotionally detach.

I am a good poker face nobody can tell what's going on inside me when deep down my heart is crying out loud. I am emotionally detached (kimdoff) but I am a human being I do get hurt when doing alot for someone get unacknowledged and unappreciated even it results in faults and criticism. She always criticizes me infront of others which to me is the least thing I would do if I love someone.

can you afford a nurse for her?

maybe old age too has affected her mind

but you can't control how people treat you nor how they feel

all you can do is your duty, no matter how you feel

Yeah doing my duty. Will do it no matter what. She wasn't even giving me the approval to get married to my bf because she thought that way I'll leave her.

click to expand

hey it's your life. get married if you want to. she's being selfish.

you can still take care of her even when you're married.

Children aren't bred to be their parents' servants for the entire duration of their natural life. Parents are supposed to teach you all the life skills you'll need when it's time for you to set out into the world and live your own life.

If she ain't appreciating all that you've done for her, then unceremoniously get your butt outta there and let's see how she fares without her indentured servant.

And in case you wonder, yes that's exactly what I did. Life is too short to be wasted on unappreciative people. Just because they're related to us doesn't mean they're entitled to us.

Posted by seraph

Do your duty to your mother and stop looking for validation for it. Do this immediately and don’t indulge in self-pity. Self-pity is worse than experiencing any form of under-appreciation. When your mind wavers, bring it right back to the beauty and power of emotional self-reliance, and be disciplined about it. The challenge alone should be more than compelling. Do this often enough and it becomes second nature.

Your problem isn’t your mother, it’s your bad mental habits. You are always your own problem. This is good news because you need not look outside of your own Self for answers. This is also bad news because it requires some actual internal *work* on your part. It’s also good news for the same reason.

Mum can’t help being the way she is. Either care for her with compassionate *detachment* or walk away. You know what must be done.

There are people out there who have it far, far worse than you. Keep your mind on your faith, or else your blessings; by comparison to others I’m sure you have plenty, no matter how small you may think they are.

I don't really expect a validation from her for its own sake but The thing that bothers me the most is that my reputation infront of everyone is being ruined by her. But I'll definitely keep your suggestions in mind. Thank you

Posted by Raakac

Posted by anna1

How do people deal with hurt from close family members who are un-appretiative of all your efforts ?

I admit I wanted to vent this as the hurt is unbearable sometimes. So I am the only child and I am living with my mother. Being a cap moon I am not vocal about my love for her but I love her to the moon and back. Doesn't matter what I do I am never enough for her. If a neighbour girl or any one else does a small thing for her she'll remember her throughout her life. Doesn't matter if I have done that thing for her countless times.

She mentions that person to all the guests that she was my girl she did this and this for me. It's been 5 years she's mentioning this girl to all the guests time and again. And she'll do this for the rest of her life.

I am not the one to get jealous but I have done the same thing for her numerous times but she never acknowledges that even finds faults in that. I get extremely hurt with her words but can't say anything as she won't listen to me because I am NOTHING to her. I always cry inside my room and then get out like nothing has ever happened, ready to get hurt by her again. I cannot wish anything bad for her as it will hurt me the most in return. My life sucks

Sorry for the vent, the hurt is sometimes unbearable this is one of those moments and I am writing this with tears rolling down my cheeks.

read a book on running on empty, might help understand these problems on deeper level and resolve it, best of luck. Just know, you're a beautiful person.

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Hey Raakac, Thank you so much I really need a good read. Will definitely read that book. Would you mind suggesting a particular author. I googled the name and there came out to be three book from 3 different authors

Posted by 7thHouse

Posted by anna1

How do people deal with hurt from close family members who are un-appretiative of all your efforts ?

I admit I wanted to vent this as the hurt is unbearable sometimes. So I am the only child and I am living with my mother. Being a cap moon I am not vocal about my love for her but I love her to the moon and back. Doesn't matter what I do I am never enough for her. If a neighbour girl or any one else does a small thing for her she'll remember her throughout her life. Doesn't matter if I have done that thing for her countless times.

She mentions that person to all the guests that she was my girl she did this and this for me. It's been 5 years she's mentioning this girl to all the guests time and again. And she'll do this for the rest of her life.

I am not the one to get jealous but I have done the same thing for her numerous times but she never acknowledges that even finds faults in that. I get extremely hurt with her words but can't say anything as she won't listen to me because I am NOTHING to her. I always cry inside my room and then get out like nothing has ever happened, ready to get hurt by her again. I cannot wish anything bad for her as it will hurt me the most in return. My life sucks

Sorry for the vent, the hurt is sometimes unbearable this is one of those moments and I am writing this with tears rolling down my cheeks.

Youre not supposed to expect anything in return if you are doing things for her out of love. The truth is you can't control what your mum does. But then does it even matter? If taking care of her and doing things for her make you happy, don't you feel at least fulfilled? It's the same thing for your mum. She raised you and she probably wasn't looking for anything in return. Wasn't looking for validation if she raised you properly. But there you are being a good child and looking after her when she's not capable to look after herself.

If you focus on things that don't matter like her praising another girl infront of others, it will make you unhappy. But if you focus on the good side of things which is you get to spend time with your mum while she's alive, you'd probably feel happier. You have to remember that not everyone is blessed to have more time with their mums. Count your blessings than focusing on the bad things.

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I agree I am blessed that I am getting to spend time with her. Its just that as a cap moon I am very much concerned about my repo infront of others who are not living with us to see how much I am doing for her.

Posted by anna1

Posted by 7thHouse

Posted by anna1

How do people deal with hurt from close family members who are un-appretiative of all your efforts ?

I admit I wanted to vent this as the hurt is unbearable sometimes. So I am the only child and I am living with my mother. Being a cap moon I am not vocal about my love for her but I love her to the moon and back. Doesn't matter what I do I am never enough for her. If a neighbour girl or any one else does a small thing for her she'll remember her throughout her life. Doesn't matter if I have done that thing for her countless times.

She mentions that person to all the guests that she was my girl she did this and this for me. It's been 5 years she's mentioning this girl to all the guests time and again. And she'll do this for the rest of her life.

I am not the one to get jealous but I have done the same thing for her numerous times but she never acknowledges that even finds faults in that. I get extremely hurt with her words but can't say anything as she won't listen to me because I am NOTHING to her. I always cry inside my room and then get out like nothing has ever happened, ready to get hurt by her again. I cannot wish anything bad for her as it will hurt me the most in return. My life sucks

Sorry for the vent, the hurt is sometimes unbearable this is one of those moments and I am writing this with tears rolling down my cheeks.

Youre not supposed to expect anything in return if you are doing things for her out of love. The truth is you can't control what your mum does. But then does it even matter? If taking care of her and doing things for her make you happy, don't you feel at least fulfilled? It's the same thing for your mum. She raised you and she probably wasn't looking for anything in return. Wasn't looking for validation if she raised you properly. But there you are being a good child and looking after her when she's not capable to look after herself.

If you focus on things that don't matter like her praising another girl infront of others, it will make you unhappy. But if you focus on the good side of things which is you get to spend time with your mum while she's alive, you'd probably feel happier. You have to remember that not everyone is blessed to have more time with their mums. Count your blessings than focusing on the bad things.

I agree I am blessed that I am getting to spend time with her. Its just that as a cap moon I am very much concerned about my repo infront of others who are not living with us to see how much I am doing for her.

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do any of those people really matter though? you know the truth. your partner knows the type of person you are. do the rest of the people matter so much that you would upset yourself over their opinion?

First off it's important that you feel able to share your mental anguish with your boyfriend. That's just what a partner does : support.

You might want to speak to someone qualified though / therapist that will help you communicate better with your mother.

I also care for my parents daily, thankfully I have siblings I can rely on when I'm feeling overwhelmed. You need that extra support.

Your mother sounds bitter about something and she most likely knows how it's affecting you.

Which is why it's so important to open up.

Posted by anna1

Yes I am taking care of her as she is old and cannot take care of herself.

Your sun sign squares your moon. Google the personality of someone's sun sign squaring their moon. i don't know you, but i'm wondering what your delivery is like (you complete the task, but, do you come off bothered or inconvenienced in doing so) if you are coming off this way, she might be preaching about this girl because she picks up on the vibes your giving off while performing it, as if she's a "bother" to you. Also, as a cap moon myself, we do *a lot* for people, to the point where they just "expect us to be there," which is incredibly inconsiderate and hurtful in its own right. i've learnt to stop offering help, and to not even lend it if asked if i feel i'm not treated respectfully in general by the person, so i don't fracture my self-esteem.