WhoAmI
@WhoAmI
10 Years
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Disagreement with Scorpio friend over her Aries crush
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I'm a Libra, btw. Don't know if that matters. And I do think he's an amazing guy, but I always considered him off-limits. Even though my friend kept saying we would make a cute couple because we get along so well and we're both 'cute and talented'. And that it would be such a cute #plottwist. I think she was just trying to gauge my reaction and see if I was interested in him, but I'm more interested in keeping our friendship than I am in dating some guy I barely even know, who happens to be my friend's crush, no matter how amazing he seems to be.
Pick which one is more important and go after that. Meaning if the friendship is more important than decide to be just friends .
I can 100% say that I would have kneed him in the balls the minute he'd even looked in my direction.
@_@
Okay, I may be exaggerating a little- but my best friend is a Scorp female and she would expect nothing less from me.
Chicks before D!cks every time.
@_@
Okay, I may be exaggerating a little- but my best friend is a Scorp female and she would expect nothing less from me.
Chicks before D!cks every time.
Posted by Wisdom83Friendship, all the way. The problem is we would work together, and I have no way to approach the subject with him without making things awkward between them and I'm trying to avoid doing that lol
Pick which one is more important and go after that. Meaning if the friendship is more important than decide to be just friends .
Posted by wagtailHahahaha had it been a sober stranger, I most definitely would've! But growing up with a bunch of guys that used to treat me the way he does (minus the kissing bit), I didn't think much of it. And I didn't really care much about the kissing bit, I just shrugged it off as him being super drunk. Except for the fact that my friend was next to us when it happened, and I didn't want to hide it from her (good thing I didn't, either!). If he had kissed me somewhere in private, maybe I would've just brushed it off, forgotten all about it and said nothing, since he probably wouldn't even remember the next morning, and I wouldn't want to hurt her. Maybe I could've even said I was super busy with work from now on, so I can't meet them when he's around. But she knows, she hates me, and I have no clue what to do.
I can 100% say that I would have kneed him in the balls the minute he'd even looked in my direction.
@_@
Okay, I may be exaggerating a little- but my best friend is a Scorp female and she would expect nothing less from me.
Chicks before D!cks every time.
She's big on the "whatever's meant to be, will be" concept, so she thinks maybe him and me were just meant to be. But I don't really think this way, and I just want my friend back.
Posted by Arielle83Lmbo that would be the most awkward night of my existence, and the one where I probably end up jumping off a cliff. No way. Hahahaha
Why pick when you can love them both, together, in one night of passion.
Posted by Arielle83I would tell him to buzz off, but I love hanging out with him (as friends). And again, I have no way of addressing the topic without making things awkward between us, and it would affect their business, which I definitely do not want.Posted by WhoAmIIf you don't really like him, tell him to buzz off.Posted by Arielle83Lmbo that would be the most awkward night of my existence, and the one where I probably end up jumping off a cliff. No way. Hahahaha
Why pick when you can love them both, together, in one night of passion.
However, if you do like him and he likes you, you shouldn't let your friend's apparent "rejection" get in the way of two ppl who could be happy together.
She should be happy for you if it's mutual. That is a friend.click to expand
If I liked him, which tbh I don't even know at this point (I think my mind is strongly avoiding any thoughts of that nature because I'm too afraid of what the answer would be), I still wouldn't pursue it. It would be disrespectful to my friend, and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to handle the anxiety stemming from it. And it would also affect their business, which I don't want to happen. :/
What would you guys do if you were in my friend's position. Would you blame me? Would you forgive me? Would you just cut me off from your life?
Posted by WhoAmIThat's what friendship is all about awkward moments... Right— But then again what do I know I don't have lots of friends... Good luckPosted by Wisdom83Friendship, all the way. The problem is we would work together, and I have no way to approach the subject with him without making things awkward between them and I'm trying to avoid doing that lol
Pick which one is more important and go after that. Meaning if the friendship is more important than decide to be just friends .click to expand
Posted by IllaLupusYeah, I understand that. I honestly didn't think anything of him being all touchy and flirty because he was hugging everyone else (again, overly friendly drunk lol), until he kissed me. That's when everything kinda hit me, that he wasn't being the same kind of 'friendly' that he was with everyone else. That's when I realized I should've stopped him before it got to that point, but by then it was obviously too late. :/
You did allow him to continue with his advances until finally he kissed you. From the looks of it he might have believed that doing so was acceptable... I mean allowing him to get touchy and flirty? Could have interpreted it as an opportunity. Your friend is right by feeling like you caused THAT situation to happen but needs to look at her dude also.
Posted by Arielle83Hahahahaha definitely not happening! That's pretty high up on my Never-to-do list 🙂Posted by WhoAmIMaybe ask about the sex...
What would you guys do if you were in my friend's position. Would you blame me? Would you forgive me? Would you just cut me off from your life?
But he's yours.click to expand
I'm glad it worked out for your parents, though... :/
Posted by Arielle83Posted by WhoAmIPosted by Arielle83Posted by WhoAmIYeah, maybe I'll try this if we ever do happen to meet again hahaha As it stands now, she doesn't really want anything to do with me, which equals me having nothing to do with either of them because we met for their business, in the first place. I guess I'm more concerned about fixing my friendship with her than I am about my relationship with him. If I don't fix my relationship with her, I have no need to even talk to him anyway.
K then if you aren't into it tell him to keep his hands to himself.click to expand
Posted by Wisdom83I don't mind awkward moments between friends, those are the best lol But when it's the kind of awkwardness that could potentially make life extremely hard for my friend, that's when it gets hard for me to even address the issue with him. She even wrote in her angry rant that she strongly considered quitting their business after this, but she didn't because he was a business partner before he was her friend. So, there's that.Posted by WhoAmIThat's what friendship is all about awkward moments... Right— But then again what do I know I don't have lots of friends... Good luckPosted by Wisdom83Friendship, all the way. The problem is we would work together, and I have no way to approach the subject with him without making things awkward between them and I'm trying to avoid doing that lol
Pick which one is more important and go after that. Meaning if the friendship is more important than decide to be just friends .click to expand
Ok.
Posted by AdmiralLMBO that face, though! Hilarious xDPosted by wagtailhttp://a64.tinypic.com/e9zul1.jpg
I can 100% say that I would have kneed him in the balls the minute he'd even looked in my direction.
@_@
Okay, I may be exaggerating a little- but my best friend is a Scorp female and she would expect nothing less from me.
Chicks before D!cks every time.
Posted by Gobshite
The OP is a Libra who doesn't want to 'rock the boat', even though her indecisions may potentially be detrimental in relationships.
The friend is the typical irrational female Scorpio, who conjures up the most far-fetched shit in her head whenever her emotions get the better of her.
The Aries male is nothing but a womanising prick.
THE END
damn xDD..savage.
Posted by Gobshite
The OP is a Libra who doesn't want to 'rock the boat', even though her indecisions may potentially be detrimental in relationships.
The friend is the typical irrational female Scorpio, who conjures up the most far-fetched shit in her head whenever her emotions get the better of her.
The Aries male is nothing but a womanising prick.
THE END
but yeah..she could of been more assertive if she really didn't want it.
The other one is blaming the girl for what the guy did.
And the guy is just like.."..what?" and going by impulse. Not even taking shit that seriously.
But about what the OP can do..well..
Just keep on keeping on.
It'll help a lot if you take what you think more importantly than what others think. It is your body and your life.
Just keep on keeping on.
It'll help a lot if you take what you think more importantly than what others think. It is your body and your life.
Posted by PhantomWingHahahahah being like "..what?" seems just about accurate lol and it wasn't that I didn't want it; I just didn't care because I didn't think there was a meaning behind him always being friendly. I thought that was just who he was. Should I have noticed the signals before he went for it and kissed me? Sure. Did I? Nope. I was more concerned over being at a party with a bunch of random people, trying to pretend I wasn't anxious. My friend probably noticed the 'signals' because she already had the idea on her mind that he liked me. I didn't. To me, his actions had no other intention. Pretty stupid of me, though, as it turns out. -_-Posted by Gobshite
The OP is a Libra who doesn't want to 'rock the boat', even though her indecisions may potentially be detrimental in relationships.
The friend is the typical irrational female Scorpio, who conjures up the most far-fetched shit in her head whenever her emotions get the better of her.
The Aries male is nothing but a womanising prick.
THE END
but yeah..she could of been more assertive if she really didn't want it.
The other one is blaming the girl for what the guy did.
And the guy is just like.."..what?" and going by impulse. Not even taking shit that seriously.click to expand
Posted by WhoAmIhm..Posted by PhantomWingHahahahah being like "..what?" seems just about accurate lol and it wasn't that I didn't want it; I just didn't care because I didn't think there was a meaning behind him always being friendly. I thought that was just who he was. Should I have noticed the signals before he went for it and kissed me? Sure. Did I? Nope. I was more concerned over being at a party with a bunch of random people, trying to pretend I wasn't anxious. My friend probably noticed the 'signals' because she already had the idea on her mind that he liked me. I didn't. To me, his actions had no other intention. Pretty stupid of me, though, as it turns out. -_-Posted by Gobshite
The OP is a Libra who doesn't want to 'rock the boat', even though her indecisions may potentially be detrimental in relationships.
The friend is the typical irrational female Scorpio, who conjures up the most far-fetched shit in her head whenever her emotions get the better of her.
The Aries male is nothing but a womanising prick.
THE END
but yeah..she could of been more assertive if she really didn't want it.
The other one is blaming the girl for what the guy did.
And the guy is just like.."..what?" and going by impulse. Not even taking shit that seriously.click to expand
Well for many, there isn't a meaning behind them being friendly, it's just how they are.
So, you're not wrong.
And no, he did something pretty sudden. That sounds like "it's my fault for not being psychic goddammit" xD
But based on this thread alone, you care a lot.
Just give yourself a pat on the back for thinking over things.
And Arielle put it very bluntly like..if you want him, there he is xD
The friend..how she feels,
you can try your hardest, but only she can help herself.
Even if she sees that you're so concerned over it, based on what she's doing: seeing you would only make her mad in this moment in time xD
It is not your fault.
Just some people around you who have yet to gain more wisdom.
You can watch a movie, show, eat..
ignore her and mess around with him if you want and don't feel too bad.
(Hell, you don't even have to. You can just meet more people.)
If you see her texts on your phone,
just do that swipe thing where it disappears from your notifications while she steams off.
She won't listen to you anyway.
Oh my God why did you not stay distant from that boy when you felt unsure about his *friendliness*
Always..ALWAYS stay away from your friend's love interests...even when nothing happens between them(the interest) and you...theres always scope for misreading your body languages by your friends.. I run away from my friend's BFs or crushes like the plague...even when my friend is herself trying to involve me - I always excuse myself. You never know where or how your body language or words get interpreted..
No offence is your social anxiety sooooo bad that you had to hang out with that guy who is clearly acting over-friendly?
Always..ALWAYS stay away from your friend's love interests...even when nothing happens between them(the interest) and you...theres always scope for misreading your body languages by your friends.. I run away from my friend's BFs or crushes like the plague...even when my friend is herself trying to involve me - I always excuse myself. You never know where or how your body language or words get interpreted..
No offence is your social anxiety sooooo bad that you had to hang out with that guy who is clearly acting over-friendly?
Posted by WhoAmIRight. So what exactly is the issue? She doesn't feel you're a good friend and you recognize the same. This isn't about innocent or guilt, but honestly. If she truly meant a lot to you, you would have simply admitted that he was coming on to you from jump when you sensed it as she did, acknowledge you kind of like him too and either talk to her straight up about it so it was out in the open or keep your distance to prevent it from interfering with the friendship. Not suggesting you should have done the latter because you can't control who he is attracted to. The issue is your lack of honestly about how things went down.
... blames me and says she doesn't consider me a friend anymore.
Can't say I'm innocent because I did enable his behavior by putting up with it, though. What am I supposed to do now? They both mean a lot to me. :/
She's hurt, but she'll move on. This can't be fixed because she doesn't trust you anymore. At the very most you'll be aquaintences.
See if there's potential with this guy and go off and be happy him if there is. Life moves on. Sometimes without the people that "mean a lot" to us.
Posted by AriesLady8Exactly! Staying away was never really an option, since I'm working with them in a few projects. We have another pending project that, given the current situation, I'll probably have to cancel and jeopardize, which sucks.
Guys they all work together. She has to be around him. She went and told her friend what happened immediately!
As to everyone else's questions:
1. We don't know for sure whether he is aware or not of her feelings, but other people tell me he probably is, given that he only acts out his feelings when he's drunk and out of it. They say he's probably trying to not hurt her and thinks of me as off-limits, which is perfect.
2. As for him being a womanizer, wouldn't have a clue. I don't really know him that well.
3. As for me knowing beforehand and her telling me about his feelings: I was being careful when I went to the party, which is why I spent most of the night around people I had never met, instead of them. Which, in response to @RumiL, yes, it was extremely hard. I would've much rather spent the night in a corner looking at the stars and/or my phone. Or gone home, but that wasn't really an option, given that they had invited me and I didn't want to make it seem like I was bored (again, anxiety at work). That being said, however, it really didn't seem to me like he had any interest in me, and we barely spent any time together at all, so I figured we were wrong about his feelings and dropped my guard (obviously the mistake in this whole story).
Posted by tizianiI have to agree with this. Anyone that mixes business with pleasure is someone I avoid at all cost. I prefer to watch fireworks from a safe distance.
I don't know why you'd want to be friends with her.
Or involved with him for that matter.
They both sound like two people who uncomfortably drag others into their little situation that they can't seem to work out among themselves.
Having a crush on your business partner then inviting your friend in to sort out business AND suggest that maybe your friend and business partner would be great in a romance. Then getting mad at the third party you dragged into it, about it all imploding how you wanted to.
And again, other than the kiss, NOTHING from his behaviour would have struck me as off/weird/flirty because some of my closest friends have always acted this way around me (including males). Considering we got along really well from the first time we met, I just treated him the way I'd treat any of my friends. So it wasn't until it happened that my mind went "oh ****. Those actions [insert signals here] weren't just being friendly.
Posted by PhoenixRisingI have to agree with both of you. Lesson learned. Scorpio and I had been friends for over 4 years before she brought me into their business projects, which I didn't mind because it's related to something that I love doing on my off-time, anyway.Posted by tizianiI have to agree with this. Anyone that mixes business with pleasure is someone I avoid at all cost. I prefer to watch fireworks from a safe distance.
I don't know why you'd want to be friends with her.
Or involved with him for that matter.
They both sound like two people who uncomfortably drag others into their little situation that they can't seem to work out among themselves.
Having a crush on your business partner then inviting your friend in to sort out business AND suggest that maybe your friend and business partner would be great in a romance. Then getting mad at the third party you dragged into it, about it all imploding how you wanted to.
click to expand
Posted by Gobshitectfu...agreed!!!
The OP is a Libra who doesn't want to 'rock the boat', even though her indecisions may potentially be detrimental in relationships.
The friend is the typical irrational female Scorpio, who conjures up the most far-fetched shit in her head whenever her emotions get the better of her.
The Aries male is nothing but a womanising prick.
THE END
Posted by tizianiive been in that situation. I treat my friends' boyfriends, love interest, like they have cooties.
You're both more mature than me. I can't even describe what I would do in that situation.
They cant even pull shyt like that cause i would never be within arms' reach.
Posted by DMVlibra dominant couples are ok together though...Posted by Gobshitectfu...agreed!!!
The OP is a Libra who doesn't want to 'rock the boat', even though her indecisions may potentially be detrimental in relationships.
The friend is the typical irrational female Scorpio, who conjures up the most far-fetched shit in her head whenever her emotions get the better of her.
The Aries male is nothing but a womanising prick.
THE ENDclick to expand
this is their theme:
Posted by DMVlmao @aries.Posted by Gobshitectfu...agreed!!!
The OP is a Libra who doesn't want to 'rock the boat', even though her indecisions may potentially be detrimental in relationships.
The friend is the typical irrational female Scorpio, who conjures up the most far-fetched shit in her head whenever her emotions get the better of her.
The Aries male is nothing but a womanising prick.
THE ENDclick to expand
this is their theme.
ok my husband came home early from work soooooo I was looking for some videos that explained scorpio themes. lol
so scorpio is not ignored either. 😄 😄
there's SOOOO many....but this is kind of good. sexual suggestions, with boobs (cancer influence) and cute babies!!!! and lots of nurturing.
😆
She says in a sexy way "Don't you want somebody to love—"
so scorpio is not ignored either. 😄 😄
there's SOOOO many....but this is kind of good. sexual suggestions, with boobs (cancer influence) and cute babies!!!! and lots of nurturing.
😆
She says in a sexy way "Don't you want somebody to love—"
Posted by tizianiSo what would you do? At this point, I've thought of a few hundred ways this could've gone differently. :/
You're both more mature than me. I can't even describe what I would do in that situation.
Posted by WhoAmIYou're talking about your closest male friends. Is this Aries guy a close friend too? What I understand from your posts is he is a colleague since you work together on business projects. I'd never allow a colleague to touch me inappropriately. But you say he only did those things when he was drunk. So I gather that nothing happened at work or when he was sober?
And again, other than the kiss, NOTHING from his behaviour would have struck me as off/weird/flirty because some of my closest friends have always acted this way around me (including males). Considering we got along really well from the first time we met, I just treated him the way I'd treat any of my friends. So it wasn't until it happened that my mind went "oh ****. Those actions [insert signals here] weren't just being friendly.
Well, what's done is done and cannot be undone. It would be wise to learn from this. No matter how friendly a guy is with you, if you know your friend is crushing on him and your friendship means more to you than the guy, try to have some firm boundaries.
Is your work arrangement with them permanent or temporary? How much longer do you have to keep working with the guy? Do you think it's possible for all involved to still work together and be professional, and leave personal agendas out of the work setting?
Posted by letterbox10I'm talking about my closest friends, but in reality I've had one-too-many friends who have treated me this way. Basically, before moving stateside, this was the norm for me. So when we hit it off as soon as we met, and he started treating me the way I was used to, I started seeing him the way I would my friends from back home. Not like a best friend or anything, but rather... someone who reminds me of back home. Which I told my friend the very first day and she loved the fact that we acted like close family, even though it wasn't the case.Posted by WhoAmIYou're talking about your closest male friends. Is this Aries guy a close friend too? What I understand from your posts is he is a colleague since you work together on business projects. I'd never allow a colleague to touch me inappropriately. But you say he only did those things when he was drunk. So I gather that nothing happened at work or when he was sober?
And again, other than the kiss, NOTHING from his behaviour would have struck me as off/weird/flirty because some of my closest friends have always acted this way around me (including males). Considering we got along really well from the first time we met, I just treated him the way I'd treat any of my friends. So it wasn't until it happened that my mind went "oh ****. Those actions [insert signals here] weren't just being friendly.
Well, what's done is done and cannot be undone. It would be wise to learn from this. No matter how friendly a guy is with you, if you know your friend is crushing on him and your friendship means more to you than the guy, try to have some firm boundaries.
Is your work arrangement with them permanent or temporary? How much longer do you have to keep working with the guy? Do you think it's possible for all involved to still work together and be professional, and leave personal agendas out of the work setting?
click to expand
While he was sober/at work, he always fooled around and was friendly, but he treated everyone the same. In retrospect now, I can tell that as soon as he had some alcohol, he would stay closer to me than everyone else, and treat me nicely (while sober, our main language was sarcasm and he'd make fun of me to no end).
Business projects are temporary, even though her colleagues ended up considering me a part of the company and adding me to all further collaborations. Luckily I can say I can't be a part of any further projects due to a busy schedule (or something. I'm sure I'll get creative in due time), but I did agree to one project that is to take place on the 17th. I'm strongly considering canceling, even though I know that would affect their business and I really don't want to cause them any problems. And yes, it is possible for him and me,
[cont'd] to work together and be professional because we don't hold any negative feelings towards each other (since he was just drunk as hell. I'm not gonna blame the guy for acting stupid while drunk. It was just a mistake.), but I'm pretty sure she would be uncomfortable, so I'm not sure how to go about this...
I doubt she'll do anything to jeopardize her own business... But right now she's probably feeling very betrayed by you and her business partner. As Gobshite mentioned, she may not be able to think rationally and put emotions aside.
Phoenix Rising gave you an indication of how a Scorpio who feels betrayed by a friend might act. She'll move on, but she may not trust you so... tread carefully if you still work together and if there is still friendship.
Phoenix Rising gave you an indication of how a Scorpio who feels betrayed by a friend might act. She'll move on, but she may not trust you so... tread carefully if you still work together and if there is still friendship.
Posted by SensitiveBluesGood on you for never doing that. In case you haven't been reading, I'm not asking for people to pity my situation, given that it's pretty much a bunch of misunderstandings and fuck ups from every single side. My point, in case you missed it, is: what do I do now, because I'm involved with them in some projects, and don't want to affect their business, while I also don't want to make her feel uncomfortable. If I didn't give a fuck about people, I could've just punched him and told her to go fuck herself, but NO. I care about them, good on me for always caring about everyone, especially because I was friends with her for over four years.
To the OP all I hear is excuses!
Grow the fuk up!
You don't do that
The fact that you think they're all excuses and are telling me to "grow the fuk up" just shows how immature you are. It's a complicated situation. And obviously, I don't socialize the way you do. So I WILL have to explain the reasoning behind my every move, or lack of thereof.
Thank you for your input, much appreciated, although useless.
Posted by letterbox10Yeah, that makes sense... Whatever the end result might be, I'm willing to work it out with her (because I do highly value her friendship), to help her out with work and leave her alone after, or just cancel on them and pretend I never existed. I just don't know what would be the best way, or the least inconvenient way for her. Maybe just wait for a couple more days before reaching a decision on this project?
I doubt she'll do anything to jeopardize her own business... But right now she's probably feeling very betrayed by you and her business partner. As Gobshite mentioned, she may not be able to think rationally and put emotions aside.
Phoenix Rising gave you an indication of how a Scorpio who feels betrayed by a friend might act. She'll move on, but she may not trust you so... tread carefully if you still work together and if there is still friendship.
These hoes ain't loyal.
1. Not sure when in this thread did I start acting like a victim. If I was the victim, I would be mad at them, not trying to fix things.
2. In regards to the statement about my friends being a cop out and not everyone being the same... The statement is meant to explain that I'm used to having these kinds of interactions with friends. Therefore making any of his actions completely normal between friends, to my eyes. Hence, the reason why I didn't "turn him down". I didn't think there was anything to "turn down" because, in my eyes, we were just friends. Plain and simple.
3. If I only thought of myself, I would've done the exact opposite of everything I did to this point. i.e. Not helping with their projects after agreeing to them (and harming their business in the process), leaving the party because of my anxiety (and make their friends think I thought they were all a boring bunch; as a sidenote, I do realize this one is based on my anxiety and not on what would really happen if I had left), turning him down (and making things awkward between all of us, anyway, because no one even said anything about being more than friends in the first place, and it would still hurt my friend to think that he liked me in the first place), punching him even (which would've been stupid. He just made a mistake, I'm not gonna hold a grudge over it), etc..
4. Telling him to "ease up on the sexual acts"... as far as I'm aware, he never crossed that line until he kissed me. Not sure what "sexual acts" you are referring to.
2. In regards to the statement about my friends being a cop out and not everyone being the same... The statement is meant to explain that I'm used to having these kinds of interactions with friends. Therefore making any of his actions completely normal between friends, to my eyes. Hence, the reason why I didn't "turn him down". I didn't think there was anything to "turn down" because, in my eyes, we were just friends. Plain and simple.
3. If I only thought of myself, I would've done the exact opposite of everything I did to this point. i.e. Not helping with their projects after agreeing to them (and harming their business in the process), leaving the party because of my anxiety (and make their friends think I thought they were all a boring bunch; as a sidenote, I do realize this one is based on my anxiety and not on what would really happen if I had left), turning him down (and making things awkward between all of us, anyway, because no one even said anything about being more than friends in the first place, and it would still hurt my friend to think that he liked me in the first place), punching him even (which would've been stupid. He just made a mistake, I'm not gonna hold a grudge over it), etc..
4. Telling him to "ease up on the sexual acts"... as far as I'm aware, he never crossed that line until he kissed me. Not sure what "sexual acts" you are referring to.
Posted by Arielle83And it was hilarious. Some people just can't take a joke. I also agree with you on dropping my feelings, I tend to act the same way.Posted by SensitiveBluesI was being cheeky on the ask about sex part.Posted by Arielle83You don't sound like a good FriendPosted by WhoAmII'd tell you to take one for the team and be happy for you.
What would you guys do if you were in my friend's position. Would you blame me? Would you forgive me? Would you just cut me off from your life?
Maybe ask about the sex...
But he's yours.
My mom fell in love with her bestfriend's younger brother. The friend was jealous and belittled their relationship and cut off my mom and her brother. If she would of let her control her decision, I wouldn't have been born.
They're all cool now, of course.
I drop my feelings right away if the guy I like likes someone else.
I don't bother. Why should the friend protest? It's just jealousy.click to expand
how did you two end up talking anyway?
Posted by blackphaseThat's exactly my point... I HAVE had a bunch of my friends do that to me before, not in a sexual way at all. I've done it to them myself. I think the disconnect and the biggest mistake here was just assuming that he had the same intentions as the rest of my friends, and not really considering his feelings, or the possibility of feelings thereof, but rather just thinking "awwww he reminds me of back home! It's like I have a big brother over here, too :3"Posted by WhoAmITouching your face, stroking your hair and tucking it behind your ear.. Those are not friendly acts.. Maybe not completely sexual.. but you are trying to say that they are friendly when they are not. You think it's perfectly normal for someone to treat you like that and do such things to you? You just let any random guy do these things? You are leading them on by allowing it then. Do you ever put your foot down with a man? Cause it sure does not sound like it. I sure as fuck wouldn't let a man put his hands on me or touch me like that unless he was my boyfriend, that would make me super uncomfortable and i'd be quick to tell them so. Touching someone in a flirty way like that is insinuating something and you allowed it.. which only makes him think that it's okay.. you are giving him green lights. I can tell you just like attention and having someone stroke your ego.. doesn't matter that your friend has already had their sights set on the guy. You say if you were only thinking about yourself that you would have done the exact opposite of what you've done thus far.. But you've only been enabling his flirty behavior from what I can see.
4. Telling him to "ease up on the sexual acts"... as far as I'm aware, he never crossed that line until he kissed me. Not sure what "sexual acts" you are referring to.click to expand
And no, I don't like attention. And had I realized any sooner that his intentions were not what my stupidity led me to believe, I probably would've left the party much sooner than I did, anxiety or not.
Posted by PhantomWingHe's part of the business projects my friend asked me to help with. We've had to work together since then.
how did you two end up talking anyway?
@blackphase Maybe if I didn't have social anxiety, I would love the attention. Haven't met another libra that doesn't love it, tbh. But because of my anxiety, getting attention makes me feel self-conscious, judged, and extremely uncomfortable. I'm only ever not anxious around people I consider "friends", so there's that.
To answer your question, however. In business meetings, he was always friendly, but not overly friendly. He treated me as he did everyone else. No flags raised there, even now after I see his actions as 'something more'. I don't think he was acting more friendly towards me than anyone else while sober.
LMBO about the friends getting boners part hahaha I mean, we all grew up together, so that would be kinda weird, but I get what you mean... The ones in school that used to be this close with me I still consider close friends, no sexual feelings were ever involved there, but I mean, I don't know what goes through their minds, right? Pretty disturbing thought, though, to be honest... o.O
To answer your question, however. In business meetings, he was always friendly, but not overly friendly. He treated me as he did everyone else. No flags raised there, even now after I see his actions as 'something more'. I don't think he was acting more friendly towards me than anyone else while sober.
LMBO about the friends getting boners part hahaha I mean, we all grew up together, so that would be kinda weird, but I get what you mean... The ones in school that used to be this close with me I still consider close friends, no sexual feelings were ever involved there, but I mean, I don't know what goes through their minds, right? Pretty disturbing thought, though, to be honest... o.O
@blackphase HAHAHAHAHAHA I tend to give people three different vibes, depending on who they are:
a. Extremely shy and awkward (I'm scared of you :S) kind of vibe if they're friends of my friends and I've only met them for the first time and have no one to use as a social crutch.
b. Don't fucking touch me or I'll kill you, when people are complete strangers and I have no idea why they're approaching me in the first place.
c. Friendly vibe and inviting personality when either A) feeling pressured in a social situation and the anxiety over disappointing friends/coworkers/boss/family is a lot greater than the anxiety over making mistakes and being around people I don't know. (this one would probably help explain more why it's so hard for me to "put my foot down", although I have been actively trying to improve in doing so) or B) I consider them friends and am comfortable around them 🙂
Also, you are absolutely right, I don't like to cause any scenes. I try to just keep the peace. So I do get what you mean when you say that it might give the wrong message. :/ Lesson definitely learned from this time.
Ugh. *Facepalm*
a. Extremely shy and awkward (I'm scared of you :S) kind of vibe if they're friends of my friends and I've only met them for the first time and have no one to use as a social crutch.
b. Don't fucking touch me or I'll kill you, when people are complete strangers and I have no idea why they're approaching me in the first place.
c. Friendly vibe and inviting personality when either A) feeling pressured in a social situation and the anxiety over disappointing friends/coworkers/boss/family is a lot greater than the anxiety over making mistakes and being around people I don't know. (this one would probably help explain more why it's so hard for me to "put my foot down", although I have been actively trying to improve in doing so) or B) I consider them friends and am comfortable around them 🙂
Also, you are absolutely right, I don't like to cause any scenes. I try to just keep the peace. So I do get what you mean when you say that it might give the wrong message. :/ Lesson definitely learned from this time.
Ugh. *Facepalm*
Posted by WhoAmIGiven what you've written thus far, I'm going to guess the advise I'm about to offer may be hard for you because it requires you be a bit firm and very direct...but here it goes.
...I'm willing to work it out with her (because I do highly value her friendship), to help her out with work and leave her alone after, or just cancel on them and pretend I never existed. I just don't know what would be the best way, or the least inconvenient way for her. Maybe just wait for a couple more days before reaching a decision on this project?
Simply say to the Scorp, I understand you're upset right now, so I will give you space to think about where you want our friendship to go. However, as far as the project is concerned, I would like to still work on it and do not want it to be awkward. Let me know if you would like to continue working together, otherwise I will walk away. Or some version of that. Don't get into "I don't want to make you feel xyz.." Or "I hope we can xyz". State what you want to do, what you need to move forward. Period.
Alternatively, you can just continue to work on the project without discussing it with her and keep it professional (e.g. don't discuss this issue at work, don't get all emotional at work, don't gossip about it with anyone else and don't react to anything she may or may not do). If you want to work on the project, then work on the project. I'm not sure if this particular assignment is a good career move for you or not, but if it is, don't let this stuff interfere with your money. Simple. She'll understand that much if she's not petty. Business is business.
If she wants to talk about it, wait until after hours. This ship has already sailed, but put some boundaries in place.
PS dress extra warm. It will be mighty cold at work.
Posted by PhoenixRisingctfu...wordPosted by WhoAmIGiven what you've written thus far, I'm going to guess the advise I'm about to offer may be hard for you because it requires you be a bit firm and very direct...but here it goes.
...I'm willing to work it out with her (because I do highly value her friendship), to help her out with work and leave her alone after, or just cancel on them and pretend I never existed. I just don't know what would be the best way, or the least inconvenient way for her. Maybe just wait for a couple more days before reaching a decision on this project?
Simply say to the Scorp, I understand you're upset right now, so I will give you space to think about where you want our friendship to go. However, as far as the project is concerned, I would like to still work on it and do not want it to be awkward. Let me know if you would like to continue working together, otherwise I will walk away. Or some version of that. Don't get into "I don't want to make you feel xyz.." Or "I hope we can xyz". State what you want to do, what you need to move forward. Period.
Alternatively, you can just continue to work on the project without discussing it with her and keep it professional (e.g. don't discuss this issue at work, don't get all emotional at work, don't gossip about it with anyone else and don't react to anything she may or may not do). If you want to work on the project, then work on the project. I'm not sure if this particular project is a good a career move for you or not, but if it is don't let this stuff interfere with your money. Simple. She'll understand that much if she's not petty. Business is business.
If she wants to talk about it, wait until after hours. This ship has already sailed, but put some boundaries in place.
PS dress extra warm. It will be mighty cold at work.click to expand
Posted by PhoenixRisingGah! Thank you! I needed this kind of advice! This sounds like a very mature, neutral, and professional way of approaching things, which is kind of what I needed. The project is of no benefit to me, financially speaking. Her business is a startup, so they needed additional support in the crew, and I provided it for them because it's something I have experience on and something I enjoy, and also because I would love to see her be successful with her business, and if I get to help her get there, I would be honored.Posted by WhoAmIGiven what you've written thus far, I'm going to guess the advise I'm about to offer may be hard for you because it requires you be a bit firm and very direct...but here it goes.
...I'm willing to work it out with her (because I do highly value her friendship), to help her out with work and leave her alone after, or just cancel on them and pretend I never existed. I just don't know what would be the best way, or the least inconvenient way for her. Maybe just wait for a couple more days before reaching a decision on this project?
Simply say to the Scorp, I understand you're upset right now, so I will give you space to think about where you want our friendship to go. However, as far as the project is concerned, I would like to still work on it and do not want it to be awkward. Let me know if you would like to continue working together, otherwise I will walk away. Or some version of that. Don't get into "I don't want to make you feel xyz.." Or "I hope we can xyz". State what you want to do, what you need to move forward. Period.
Alternatively, you can just continue to work on the project without discussing it with her and keep it professional (e.g. don't discuss this issue at work, don't get all emotional at work, don't gossip about it with anyone else and don't react to anything she may or may not do). If you want to work on the project, then work on the project. I'm not sure if this particular assignment is a good career move for you or not, but if it is, don't let this stuff interfere with your money. Simple. She'll understand that much if she's not petty. Business is business.
If she wants to talk about it, wait until after hours. This ship has already sailed, but put some boundaries in place.
PS dress extra warm. It will be mighty cold at work.click to expand
PS. That end line had me cracking. Hahahaha
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