Do nice guys really finish last?

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beautifulsoul74
@beautifulsoul74
13 Years5,000+ Posts

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This is something that I've always wondered about...being a nice guy. I've been considered one since I can remember. I've always been the shoulder to cry/lean on. I'm appreciated for my honesty and being genuine. I'm always respectful of others and the first one to step up and help. I love people freely and care for them, sometimes at the expense of myself. I've learned to be balanced and know when to use my masculine and feminine energies. Yet, I always get left or looked over for the bad boys. The funny thing is, I'm no pushover at all. Simply put, I've been told that women simply aren't ready for a man like me...the real thing. Personally, while we may finish last, that is what the best is saved for. I'd like to know your thoughts and experiences ladies. Specifically, your encounters with nice guys and why your are or are not with them.
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cbseawind
@cbseawind
13 Years

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I have to get on this eventhough it is a someone said, old new. But I totally agree with james tate. Most women have always stated, I wish I can meet a nice guy. Most of the women do not have a clue what is a nice guy and most of the nice guys are standing right in front of them. Nice guys do finish last because as james tate said, women like pricks. And this is very true. I am also a nice guy and have always finished last and never got the girl. A great example that I keep referring to is an ex co-worker who stated loudly in my presence, I want to meet a nice guy. Well, here I am. But when things got semi-serious, she made a big scene and left faster than you can blink.
Women find nice guys boring. They say they want a nice guy but truly and really never mean it. Just a lie they tell themselves.
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doubletrouble
@doubletrouble
13 Years

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a genuinely "nice" man to me is nice when it is most appropriate to be. one who is nice or overly sensitive all the time is not a man that generally holds my attention. there is such a thing as "too nice" --> too soft. it is basic evolution when discussing the female attraction to a strong, quiet man. the bad boy troublemaker; this is a familiar stereotype because it holds truths in sexual nature. men who are not stronger than I am emotionally are not those that attract me because it goes against my instinctual desire to be cared for. it just doesn't represent a masculine quality with me, ergo I do not feel as protected as I want to be.

I think women mostly want and desire men to be that sorta clint eastwood, rough-around-the-edges cowboy with a glint in his eye; a glint that only gives way in the quiet moments of lovers. women want the masculine exterior of that which makes up a "man," with enough sensitivity to feel protected and watched over forever.


tbh, it allows me to be more affectionate with a man (and therefore more sexy) when he is not as affectionate as I am.
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venusianbull
@venusianbull
15 Years25,000+ PostsTaurus

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Posted by Ligeia
Let's be real here. The reason why most

nice guys finish last is for the simple fact

they chase behind little girls(who really don't

know what they want) and bitches. In hopes she'll

drop a crumb and give him the time of day. Which

in the end turns them into 2 types of guys. Type 1

the nice guy who becomes the asshole and type 2

the jaded, whiny dude who can't get a date. This just

isn't a problem for the fellas. Nice girls get the

short end of the stick as well. Possible solution. Nice

guy + nice gal need to get up and leave the piranhas and

the assholes to their own devices.




I for one dig nice guys. As long as there is a attraction

there and my loins go schwing! I would never entertain a

"bad boy". Did my fair share of that in my youth lol.



Oh yeh.
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rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
13 Years10,000+ Posts

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Posted by Ligeia
Let's be real here. The reason why most

nice guys finish last is for the simple fact they chase behind little girls(who really don't know what they want) and bitches. In hopes she'll drop a crumb and give him the time of day. Which in the end turns them into 2 types of guys. Type 1 the nice guy who becomes the asshole and type 2 the jaded, whiny dude who can't get a date. This just isn't a problem for the fellas. Nice girls get the short end of the stick as well. Possible solution. Nice guy + nice gal need to get up and leave the piranhas and the assholes to their own devices.


I for one dig nice guys. As long as there is a attraction

there and my loins go schwing! I would never entertain a

"bad boy". Did my fair share of that in my youth lol.



THIS. I hear so many guys pull out the typical "OH THEY FINISH LAST AND GIRLS LIKE JERKS."

Number one- "nice" guys are the same guys who sat back in the corner, being passive as hell, yet manipulative. These guys tend to try to manipulate the situation so she'll "fall" for him. Maybe, JUST MAYBE, if he sticks around and plays "friend" that he'll be able to get it in one day. You can bet your ass that this very same guy will book it as soon as he realizes that he won't get what he wants from you. "Nice" my ass. I call these guys "nice" guys. They aren't nice. They're manipulative jerks who pose as "nice" to get their way. And I really wouldn't want to be with someone who pulls such crap. They may be nice overall, but if they're going to approach relationships in such a fashion, they can get out.

The other type of nice guy is the type that chase after the wrong chicks. You know that dumb bitch who constantly chases the jerk? Well this is the male version. I've known perfectly decent guys who chase after the wrong girl, then proclaim that "girls like jerks." Well, if she's stupid enough to go after the wrong guys and shows no signs of improving, MOVE ON. She's the female jerk equivalent. YOU'RE chasing after this bitch. She keeps you around as a friend, stringing you along, all while getting with other guys. Why are you blaming women when you're the one actively chasing someone who isn't worth your time?? Go find a decent girl and stop chasing after an unavailable girl.

Nice guys ARE appreciated. Just don't be all manipulative and wussy about it. It's a turn off.
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rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
13 Years10,000+ Posts

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Posted by 25thDecan
"Sun mats"? Really dxp—?!
They are walking coitus mats for mating or rejecting and trying to mate(protected) with the next one. Have confidence. 1000 women in the room who don't know ISH about gender roles....

.....If they could they will screw you over for being what they "need". Young....and dumb..exploit them. The one who's worth it, if you run into her...dude...you won't be able to eff her over and while she's around, your emotional make up will be supported. Wife her...delete the rest. Lol

(shortened to save space)

This is type 2 that Ligeia mentioned. Guys like you are absolute poison. I saw a huge change in my ex after he hung out with guys like you. He went from a relatively nice, sweet guy, to this jaded, crude, sexist douchebag because he works around a lot of jaded, older men. It's pretty sad. Especially considering that before, even though we didn't work out, I knew he'd make a decent guy for someone some day. Now? Who knows.


There's no reason to become jaded and bitter because you did it wrong. I'd think you'd just consider it lesson learned and avoid that type if girl. It's that simple. I can't help but wonder if it's the lovely male ego that gets bruised and butthurt because it didn't get its way... It's fine to become jaded about the bitches and to avoid them at all costs once you see the signs, but to take it out on the entire gender shows how emotionally immature you are.
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Nefer
@Nefer
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P.S. I'm with a "Nice Guy".. the kind who's had his little Libra heart broken a few times.. and who also broke some hearts of his own. I'm a nice person, and I've always LIKED nice guys.. but admittedly, there are a few broken Nice Guy hearts in my wake.. guys for whom I simply felt nothing beyond friendship. And sometimes I've been TOO NICE, and TOO sacrificing, and my heart was put through the wringer by a few asshats.. I had to LEARN to identify a douchebag.. BEFORE I got entangled with him, BEFORE my tender feelings stupidly insisted I waste my precious time and sanity hopelessly trying to FIX him. I had to figure out WHY I was attracting losers and douchebags, recognize them, KNOW I cannot fix them, and frickin' AVOID them... so that I had room in my life for a Nice Guy that I was finally REALLY ready to be with.

And really, HE had to do the same thing.. though I don't actually think he fully got through the process.. it was interrupted by ME, a Nice Girl (Admittedly With An Edge) who isn't going to burn him where he stands like the others have. Lucky Guy? Depends on your point of view, I suppose.. he has to put up with ME lol
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Nala
@Nala13
13 Years1,000+ PostsLeo

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It has nothing to do with nice or not nice. It has everything to do with confidence (I am sure I have said this before). The word has been used to death but do you possess a thing called "swag or swagger"? You can be respectful, mature, smart and caring and still be someone that exudes confidence maybe even a little arrogance. You don't even have to be attractive.

It is not something that we women have any control over. It is in us by nature.

The male bird with the biggest brightest feathers.
The male frog that sings the loudest

You have to get our attention. You get our attention by being confident. All that "shoulder to cry on stuff" is okay if that's your thing. But this is what is happening to you;

"Some male animals will show subordination to the female. This is particularly the case with arachnids as a female spider or scorpion may see a male as a potential meal rather than a mate."

and there you have it. I got that right from the animal kingdom website. Now you know...and knowing is half the battle.




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Pidelight
@Pidelight
14 Years

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Posted by Ligeia
Let's be real here. The reason why most

nice guys finish last is for the simple fact

they chase behind little girls(who really don't

know what they want) and bitches. In hopes she'll

drop a crumb and give him the time of day. Which

in the end turns them into 2 types of guys. Type 1

the nice guy who becomes the asshole and type 2

the jaded, whiny dude who can't get a date. This just

isn't a problem for the fellas. Nice girls get the

short end of the stick as well. Possible solution. Nice

guy + nice gal need to get up and leave the piranhas and

the assholes to their own devices.




I for one dig nice guys. As long as there is a attraction

there and my loins go schwing! I would never entertain a

"bad boy". Did my fair share of that in my youth lol.



This and then some! Took a lot of heartache, experience and growing up to see the real value in a nice guy and now that I've been blessed with one there isn't a day that doesn't go by that I don't show and tell him how lucky I am to have him. He of course feels the same about me because he was always that nice guy who had cookiemonster hoochies on him 25/8. I'm one of those nice girls who sought thrills with bad boys back in the day but who wised up and haven't regretted it since. We BOTH had to learn what was truly important and worth our time.

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rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
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Posted by TaurusManUk

@rockyroadicecream: What 25th Decan speaks is truth whether you like it or not. We are not playing in a 'Walt Disney Cartoon' here we are playing in a very very dirty world here. Also you call behaviour maniuplative to get coochie I call it survival and a basic fact of life. One trade off for emotional support to a woman is not wrong in get traded back a necessary fact of life which is 'Carnal Pleasure with the Opposite Sex'. Unfortunately . Its called 'Get Coochie or Die Tryin'. If they are not able to get the sloppy second leftover crumb pussy after the Bad Boy 'broke her in' then of course they are entitled to upscale and leave and not be a 'shoulder to cry on'. Your Ex had every right to 'turn' Sceptical or Cynical even if conveniently the relationship didn't work out with you. If he lacked skills then he was within his scope to be annoyed or angry about it. He is not going to wait around to be that 'someone' for 'someone' some day. I have been fed that propaganda of 'be patient' or 'your niceness will show' eventually. So let me get this straight if I use 'manipulative' tactics to get pussy I am in the wrong, If I sit being all nice and having 'chasitity enforced' on me then I am correct all the while I have to wait around for 'Years on End'. Absolute Bollox. That is the classic 'Average Frustrated Chump'



It's not truth, honey. It's called you're a bitter asshole because you didn't get the ass you thought you deserved.

If you don't like a WOMAN'S perspective on "nice guys," well, who's the one living in lala land here? 🙂 Seriously, you two are precious and the result of bad decisions to which you turned into bitter little boys. I essentially implied what Nefer said, yet you agreed with her, not me. HOW does that work, precious?

I'm sorry some lame bitch screwed you over, but you need to get over it. Any time I hear guys bitch and moan about the whole "nice guy" routine, it's usually followed with this bs. The entire female gender is to blame because you made some bad choices and never learned from them? I don't know about you, but once I've been screwed over by a certain type, I STAY THE HELL AWAY from them.

But then again, I've noticed that guys aren't exactly quick learners either... *sigh*

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rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
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Posted by 25thDecan
Good ol 25th....speak some truth...have someone read without comprehension...or simply cherry pick and claim that I am "bitter". Nope. Very much a realist. Learn to strut and wade through the sea of pos's....ijs...cause that's what the eff I said...and I don't need no arachnid woman cherry pickin and misinterpreting wth I said. Lol




There's that infamous ego at work.

Also, I see your stance on women hasn't changed any. Learn some respect and maybe you'd find the right kind of woman, huh?
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rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
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Posted by Nala13
It has nothing to do with nice or not nice. It has everything to do with confidence (I am sure I have said this before). The word has been used to death but do you possess a thing called "swag or swagger"? You can be respectful, mature, smart and caring and still be someone that exudes confidence maybe even a little arrogance. You don't even have to be attractive.

It is not something that we women have any control over. It is in us by nature.

The male bird with the biggest brightest feathers.
The male frog that sings the loudest

You have to get our attention. You get our attention by being confident. All that "shoulder to cry on stuff" is okay if that's your thing. But this is what is happening to you;

"Some male animals will show subordination to the female. This is particularly the case with arachnids as a female spider or scorpion may see a male as a potential meal rather than a mate."

and there you have it. I got that right from the animal kingdom website. Now you know...and knowing is half the battle.



This makes too much sense. They won't believe you.

They prefer the "jerk" approach because it seems to get them women. But hey, if they want to reap the benefits off of a societal trend beaten into women's heads at a young age, by all means. It makes them look more pathetic than they already are. They'll figure it out in another 10-20 years...
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ReallyNiceAriesPerson
@ReallyNiceAriesPerson
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Posted by Nefer
P.S. I'm with a "Nice Guy".. the kind who's had his little Libra heart broken a few times.. and who also broke some hearts of his own. I'm a nice person, and I've always LIKED nice guys.. but admittedly, there are a few broken Nice Guy hearts in my wake.. guys for whom I simply felt nothing beyond friendship. And sometimes I've been TOO NICE, and TOO sacrificing, and my heart was put through the wringer by a few asshats.. I had to LEARN to identify a douchebag.. BEFORE I got entangled with him, BEFORE my tender feelings stupidly insisted I waste my precious time and sanity hopelessly trying to FIX him. I had to figure out WHY I was attracting losers and douchebags, recognize them, KNOW I cannot fix them, and frickin' AVOID them... so that I had room in my life for a Nice Guy that I was finally REALLY ready to be with.

And really, HE had to do the same thing.. though I don't actually think he fully got through the process.. it was interrupted by ME, a Nice Girl (Admittedly With An Edge) who isn't going to burn him where he stands like the others have. Lucky Guy? Depends on your point of view, I suppose.. he has to put up with ME lol




girl you simply MUST write a book
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beautifulsoul74
@beautifulsoul74
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Okay lol. Now that I've digested everyone's comments, I'll give my take. The comments made by Nefer, Capgirl, and others who made similar posts I agree with. I purposely left out details of myself to get the full scope of thoughts on this subject. Although it may seem like I'm being pushed over, a wuss, or misused, that simply is not the case. I am balanced. It took a little while to work on myself, but I changed quickly because of my ability to adapt. One thing that I've noticed on here is the absence of the word God. I'm not going to get biblical and start spouting bible verses, but the main problem I see with men and women is everybody is going about it their way and not his. 25thDecanand TaurusManUK I respect your opinions, but I'll say this. It is easy to go about it the way you say I should. That's the easy way out. It easy to simply say that's reality. While your 1000 woman scenario may be true, the choice is still yours as to what you do. When standing before God or whatever Supreme Being there is, is that the excuse that you'll give him? "I did ths because women are like ths or that?" In my view, when you do that you give the people who hurt you power over you. Self improvement and learning from your mistakes in relationships is one thing, but going around treating people like whatever whether they deserve it or not is another.

In the end, I am here to please God and make him happy. I've dated all types of women from all walks of life. The reason they left me or I left them? They simply aren't ready for the type of man I am. Their words, not mine. They would rather date what they're used to because it's easier. "Being with you forces me to face my demons," one of them said. I don't begrudge them or hold I'll will against them because I won't let their bad decisions affect me. All I know is this, when God sends you that special someone, you shouldn't ask questions whether you feel you deserve them or not. Ultimately, the choice is yours as to whether you accept that gift. They simply chose otherwise. Maybe like Nefer's significant other, the one for me will come while I'm improving. Other than that, I have law school to go through and I will continue to do my thing. Being the strong confident nice guy I am.
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westside
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Posted by beautifulsoul74
This is something that I've always wondered about...being a nice guy. I've been considered one since I can remember. I've always been the shoulder to cry/lean on. I'm appreciated for my honesty and being genuine. I'm always respectful of others and the first one to step up and help. I love people freely and care for them, sometimes at the expense of myself. I've learned to be balanced and know when to use my masculine and feminine energies. Yet, I always get left or looked over for the bad boys. The funny thing is, I'm no pushover at all. Simply put, I've been told that women simply aren't ready for a man like me...the real thing. Personally, while we may finish last, that is what the best is saved for. I'd like to know your thoughts and experiences ladies. Specifically, your encounters with nice guys and why your are or are not with them.





do you really consider yourself the one who is at loss if someone chooses not to date you because of how kind you are?
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beautifulsoul74
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Posted by westside
Posted by beautifulsoul74
This is something that I've always wondered about...being a nice guy. I've been considered one since I can remember. I've always been the shoulder to cry/lean on. I'm appreciated for my honesty and being genuine. I'm always respectful of others and the first one to step up and help. I love people freely and care for them, sometimes at the expense of myself. I've learned to be balanced and know when to use my masculine and feminine energies. Yet, I always get left or looked over for the bad boys. The funny thing is, I'm no pushover at all. Simply put, I've been told that women simply aren't ready for a man like me...the real thing. Personally, while we may finish last, that is what the best is saved for. I'd like to know your thoughts and experiences ladies. Specifically, your encounters with nice guys and why your are or are not with them.





do you really consider yourself the one who is at loss if someone chooses not to date you because of how kind you are?
click to expand




No, not really. The subject was something I was curious about. I don't really consider it a loss because it's their choice. To each his/her own. I do curse, only when I'm pissed off lol
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beautifulsoul74
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Posted by 25thDecan
It's women like YOU, rockystewpid, that give great women a bad name. You actually want some guy who's worth his salt to sit and TAKE abuse from a woman who isn't. Where the HEYALL do you get off?! Eww@what you represent. You don't know me, taurusman or the op from ADAM yet you somehow manage to believe I'm bitter over laying down the reality that not every person you meet gas about you or is even remotely compatible and that you should view them as they view you..not at all or just briefly. No...no...it's something more sinister at work here: you don't know wth you're talking about. You just wanted an argument. If you really cared about "women"you actually wouldn't have SHIT to say tome...because you truly didn't read wtf I stated...only what you thought you understood. You're a walking box of rocks....



You two should just f $ &k and get it over with lol
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beautifulsoul74
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Posted by Nala13
If you are strong , confident , kind and a beautiful soul and your self perception is not distorted, then I would not worry about it. Perhaps, it has nothing to do with you but rather God is creating you a wife. I would hold fast to that belief and when you meet these women who walk away from you, know in your heart it's not her. 🙂



Thank you. I am holding fast :-)
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DMV
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yeah Nala,

i read that and went —.

to OP, i think your equating Godlike with how nice someone is and applicable treatment. let me know if im wrong but i think what your saying is that because youve chosen to follow GOD, your perceived as a nice guy and you will finish last. you notice the absence of religion here on DXP because its a touchy subject. just like sex and race. so maybe the question should be "do religious men finish last?" if your wondering that if religion can help steer females toward nice guys, maybe..maybe not.

with the women you were dating who said that they werent ready for a guy like you, can you elaborate? what im assuming is that maybe you come across are very religious and maybe a bit judgmental (kinda saggi like). the women just felt "inadequate" to date a man like you based on their past and how in depth you are into your religion. again, theres nothing wrong with that. i know for ME, i come from the church life but youd never guess it from the dudes i pick. i get what your saying. but see it from the perspective of someone not in the church. i mean where did u meet these women? church? even some church women arent equipped to deal with a man who quotes scriptures all over the place. sundays and bible study is enough.

maybe the problem is that you need a God-fearing women who is as immersed into religion as you are. equally yoked.

i kinda see that your knowingly omission of religion when you introduced the thread filters into your dating life. how much omission is going on there? maybe the omissions is whats causing the breakdown. being honest with yourself and your partners early on can help to steer you towards the right partner. but you cant be just a guy and THEN become a religious guy.

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ReallyNiceAriesPerson
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Posted by ellessque
how is it "finishing last" if you are holding out for the woman that appreciates you for who you are?

....when you word it like that it seems like you are looking to "settle" on whomoever shows up and throws you a bit of attention.

*shrugs*







I am all for not settling (been there, done that) but I do worry about not ever finding someone who appreciates me - hence the "finishing last" ........perhaps we could change that to "finishing unloved"?
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beautifulsoul74
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Posted by DMV
yeah Nala,

i read that and went —.

to OP, i think your equating Godlike with how nice someone is and applicable treatment. let me know if im wrong but i think what your saying is that because youve chosen to follow GOD, your perceived as a nice guy and you will finish last. you notice the absence of religion here on DXP because its a touchy subject. just like sex and race. so maybe the question should be "do religious men finish last?" if your wondering that if religion can help steer females toward nice guys, maybe..maybe not.

with the women you were dating who said that they werent ready for a guy like you, can you elaborate? what im assuming is that maybe you come across are very religious and maybe a bit judgmental (kinda saggi like). the women just felt "inadequate" to date a man like you based on their past and how in depth you are into your religion. again, theres nothing wrong with that. i know for ME, i come from the church life but youd never guess it from the dudes i pick. i get what your saying. but see it from the perspective of someone not in the church. i mean where did u meet these women? church? even some church women arent equipped to deal with a man who quotes scriptures all over the place. sundays and bible study is enough.

maybe the problem is that you need a God-fearing women who is as immersed into religion as you are. equally yoked.

i kinda see that your knowingly omission of religion when you introduced the thread filters into your dating life. how much omission is going on there? maybe the omissions is whats causing the breakdown. being honest with yourself and your partners early on can help to steer you towards the right partner. but you cant be just a guy and THEN become a religious guy.



Trust me when I say I'm not like how you described at all. I simply mentioned him to describe how I came to be who I am. As for the women I've dated, they themselves told me they weren't ready. I've received all kinds of accolades. "Amazing," " Marriage Material," and other things. Which is the confusing part. I genuinely accept people and love them for who they are. I didn't mean to turn this into a thing about religion. I guess I should say that sometimes people aren't ready when they say they are and I keep finding this out in my relationships. They decided not to be with me for various reasons, but definitely not bec
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beautifulsoul74
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Posted by TaurusManUk
As for the topic of religion. I think it helps to be upfront about it. Like DMV said find a girl whom you are equally yoked with.

Whatever you do don't be Talibanesque and I mean you don't have to be a Muslim to do that you can be one of those God Freaks from the Southern States of the USA with M16 assault rifle in one hand, NRA badge proudly displayed on your right shoulder, Church badge on the left and Bible in the left hand. That kind of overly religious stuff is definitely a very big no no. Hope that helps 🙂

Thanks 25th Decan for defending my right to say my two cents against that Arachnid, Much appreciated 🙂



Lol TarusManUk, I'm a black man from the south, so let's just say I have a healthy dislike of those God Freaks with M16s, Church badges and bibles lol. I definitely don't like the NRA and I'm a registered gun owner lol. Ive read the bible and keep one at home, but I don't read it that often. Like I said, I'm simply spiritual and treat people how I want to be treated.
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beautifulsoul74
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Posted by Wings
Are we defining nice guys as needy, low-self esteemed, over-emotional, clingy and dependent? Because I'm pretty sure "those" guys won't be placing in any races.

I don't see any reason why a confident guy with many positive traits who just happens to be nice would have much trouble with women.



Unfortunately we do. I guess it takes time to really get to know a person. While I see things in the people I meet, I let them be them and give them the benefit of the doubt. I try to be fair when considering that person and I don't judge them. I guess it all boils down to th individual and wha they're looking for.
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beautifulsoul74
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13 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 122 · Posts: 5590 · Topics: 41
If I offended anybody with my talk of religion, I really do apologize. I just thought it was curious that no one had mentioned God. I used the analogy in the post to describe how I didn't agree with his way of going about finding a mate. I didn't mean to judge him or anyone else. If I did, I also apologize. Although Im not a religious person, I do believe in a higher authority. I believe people should live their lives how they choose and don't look down on them whether I agree with it or not. As for the church, I have major problems with it and the bible and thus, I mainly live my life outside of it. In my view, it has failed us. As far as I'm concerned no one knows the real truth and we all are just trying to figure things out. Thus, like everyone, my beliefs change as I gain knowledge, but I still have fundamental principles that I will always adhere to. Ultimately, it is about love and loving and finding someone who can accept all of me and I, them and we make a future together.
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