Gingerscorp
@Gingerscorp
16 Years1,000+ Posts
Comments: 0 · Posts: 2019 · Topics: 27
Friends... how far is TOO far?
there fucking each other
Two things would piss me off in that scenario -
1-Him inviting her to join us on A DATE without asking first.
2-All the affection (A hug/peck upon greeting is fine w/me but after that - NO)
My best friend's girl told me that she envied our relationship but she has no reason what-so-ever to. I always make sure I respect her as my friend's woman AND woman-to-woman.
1-Him inviting her to join us on A DATE without asking first.
2-All the affection (A hug/peck upon greeting is fine w/me but after that - NO)
My best friend's girl told me that she envied our relationship but she has no reason what-so-ever to. I always make sure I respect her as my friend's woman AND woman-to-woman.
The problem here is that Gem and Cancer have the upper hand .... everybody else is beneath them, scrambling to gain their attention/affection.
The solution to the problem is find another in which to become affection, and give attention to ... Gem would notice that he is no longer watched and envied as he parades around with all the female eyes upon him.
The solution to the problem is find another in which to become affection, and give attention to ... Gem would notice that he is no longer watched and envied as he parades around with all the female eyes upon him.
He is in a place that is perfect for him.
He has Cancer on him ... all other female eyes upon him .... how glorious that must be for the attention craving Gemini.
So, remove the spotlight .. put him in shadow.
He will make a 360
He has Cancer on him ... all other female eyes upon him .... how glorious that must be for the attention craving Gemini.
So, remove the spotlight .. put him in shadow.
He will make a 360
I would not put up with that type of thing at all, I am way too jealous and my head would have exploded by now!
The things that would annoy me the most are:
1. The fact that you GS, and your partner were made to feel uncomfortable by their behaviour - if other people pick up on it then it's not just my own jealousy, it's something seriously wrong.
2. The Cancer's total lack of respect for her 'friend's' relationship and the fact that the Gem was doing nothing to stop her being so affectionate after I'd told him I didn't like it would really upset me.
It sounds to me like the Gem should grow a pair and tell the Cancer that she is overstepping boundaries if he ever wants to have a long-term relationship with anyone. One of my best friends is a Taurus man and neither of us are over-affectionate - we share a quick hug at the end of the night - and we always respect the others' relationships. I would never drape myself across him and stuff even if we were both single. Nor would I do this with my brother, so that excuse is a very poor one.
The things that would annoy me the most are:
1. The fact that you GS, and your partner were made to feel uncomfortable by their behaviour - if other people pick up on it then it's not just my own jealousy, it's something seriously wrong.
2. The Cancer's total lack of respect for her 'friend's' relationship and the fact that the Gem was doing nothing to stop her being so affectionate after I'd told him I didn't like it would really upset me.
It sounds to me like the Gem should grow a pair and tell the Cancer that she is overstepping boundaries if he ever wants to have a long-term relationship with anyone. One of my best friends is a Taurus man and neither of us are over-affectionate - we share a quick hug at the end of the night - and we always respect the others' relationships. I would never drape myself across him and stuff even if we were both single. Nor would I do this with my brother, so that excuse is a very poor one.
this makes me mad just hearing about it....the cap needs to put her foot down...if she feels uncomfortable she needs to first of all confront the cancer....tell her to stay away....if the gem has a problem with this..its time to kick his @ss to the curb...simple..
well i guess easier said than done
well i guess easier said than done
Like I said before Cap is very reserved almost cold to those who dont know her. I think she's just tried to deal with it but got pushed to her limit. She's not a jealous person so maybe she didn't want to accuse him of something until it got WAY out of control.
I cant believe that neither Cancer or Gem see this as disrespectful or abnormal behavior. Obviously her husband isn't going to speak up as he's basically just her whipping boy.
Gem is lapping up the attention under the guise of "friendship" she is very smug about it almost rubbing it in Caps face. I could tell by the obnoxious way she'd laugh (loudly) when they'd "peck" kiss and hang on each other. I wanted to bust them both on the head but.......... wasn't my place 😢
They both act as if nothing is wrong with what they do and I have a feeling (as does Cap) that if confronted she'll get laughed at and told she is paranoid.
IDK..... *sigh* My advice to her would be to dump his dumb ass but I think she is trying to give him the benifit of a doubt. She so damn rational!!
I cant believe that neither Cancer or Gem see this as disrespectful or abnormal behavior. Obviously her husband isn't going to speak up as he's basically just her whipping boy.
Gem is lapping up the attention under the guise of "friendship" she is very smug about it almost rubbing it in Caps face. I could tell by the obnoxious way she'd laugh (loudly) when they'd "peck" kiss and hang on each other. I wanted to bust them both on the head but.......... wasn't my place 😢
They both act as if nothing is wrong with what they do and I have a feeling (as does Cap) that if confronted she'll get laughed at and told she is paranoid.
IDK..... *sigh* My advice to her would be to dump his dumb ass but I think she is trying to give him the benifit of a doubt. She so damn rational!!
I don't think they've slept together either. Call it a hunch. It comes across to me as a flirty sexual game between them. It's like they get a thrill by doing this in front of each others partners. I think sex would have put a damper on that and made it more serious rather then playful but it still doesn't make it right.
This is why I draw very clear black and white lines in my relationships!!! No monkey business when it comes to me!!! This whole thing makes me sick for her. Ugh.
This is why I draw very clear black and white lines in my relationships!!! No monkey business when it comes to me!!! This whole thing makes me sick for her. Ugh.
Bottom line - IF two people are friends, they need to respect the others significant other. I have TONS of male friends, and let me tell you what, I may not always like who they are dating, BUT I always respect them and keep my personal thoughts about the person they are seeing to myself, as well as respecting their entire relationship as a whole meaning: no calling at weird hours of the day/night; I meet their gf's/wives, etc so there isn't ANY pretense of inappropriateness (that still doesn't always work, because most women don't like their men to have female friends *shrugs*); NO inappropriate touching, etc. Also, (for the larger part 😉) I don't sleep w/my friends...it keeps things a bit "cleaner."
I feel that if someone is your FRIEND, you aren't going to do anything to sabotage their relationship. In the aforementioned scenario, everybody has touched on essentially the same things:
a. the two MAY NOT be sexing one another up, but they may have some sexual chemistry w/one another; b. they are attention whores; and, c. one/both of them don't respect the others relationship.
Ginger, if your friend doesn't like it she has three viable options: a. stay and accept this is the way they will be; b. tell him she doesn't appreciate the way they act when they are together, and she would like him to "tone it down"; c. leave him. Someone else already hit on it above when they said that her patience is wearing thin...it needs to be addressed, because if not, it will go on the remainder of their relationship. Also, if she choses option b. and he still doesn't "clean up his act" when she is around, them in my opinion he doesn't respect her feelings, so she should swiftly move to option c.
I feel that if someone is your FRIEND, you aren't going to do anything to sabotage their relationship. In the aforementioned scenario, everybody has touched on essentially the same things:
a. the two MAY NOT be sexing one another up, but they may have some sexual chemistry w/one another; b. they are attention whores; and, c. one/both of them don't respect the others relationship.
Ginger, if your friend doesn't like it she has three viable options: a. stay and accept this is the way they will be; b. tell him she doesn't appreciate the way they act when they are together, and she would like him to "tone it down"; c. leave him. Someone else already hit on it above when they said that her patience is wearing thin...it needs to be addressed, because if not, it will go on the remainder of their relationship. Also, if she choses option b. and he still doesn't "clean up his act" when she is around, them in my opinion he doesn't respect her feelings, so she should swiftly move to option c.
FLEO He's pokeing her
I don't blame her for feeling uncomfortable with the situation. I think most people would.
Obviously, the Gemgirl doesn't truly respect her husband because he is too passive and submissive so she is using Cancerguy as a substitute. From what you say Gingerscorp, Capgirl is not outwardly affectionate so Cancerguy might be turning to Gemgirl for affection and validation. I agree with the options USCTG listed and have a few to add.
If Capgirl is comfortable enough and secure enough, why doesn't she sincerely ask the two of them when it is just the three of them why they act that way? They may laugh at first but if she is sincere in her inquiry, there is a very good chance of having a very reflective conversation and establishing guidelines between the three of them how they should behave around each other. I also suggest this solution because I don't think attacking or challenging them would work nor would talking with only one of them since it is obviously a behaviour that it produced when they are near each other. I sincerely believe if she expresses her discomfort in a sincere and honest way (NOT attacking) this could lead to a very open, honest dialogue about the group dynamics at play.
I tend to see life as accept or reject. We cannot control the behaviour of others only strive to understand it. By opening up the group discussion, perhaps everyone will walk away with a better understanding and acceptence of the others involved. Failing that, she must consider whether this behaviour is something she wants to put up with for the rest of her life or not. She must either accept this as part of him or not and find someone who shares a more compatible view of the roles a partner should play in a relationship.
Chances are the Gem and Cancer like each other very much, even love each other, but know they would make lousy romantic partners. There is a very good chance that they don't realize their very genuine affection for each other is making her uncomfortable. (I am leaving the husband out because I really think the Gemgirl is very dissastisfied with her husband so is looking for sexual validation with a trusted friend.)
Obviously, the Gemgirl doesn't truly respect her husband because he is too passive and submissive so she is using Cancerguy as a substitute. From what you say Gingerscorp, Capgirl is not outwardly affectionate so Cancerguy might be turning to Gemgirl for affection and validation. I agree with the options USCTG listed and have a few to add.
If Capgirl is comfortable enough and secure enough, why doesn't she sincerely ask the two of them when it is just the three of them why they act that way? They may laugh at first but if she is sincere in her inquiry, there is a very good chance of having a very reflective conversation and establishing guidelines between the three of them how they should behave around each other. I also suggest this solution because I don't think attacking or challenging them would work nor would talking with only one of them since it is obviously a behaviour that it produced when they are near each other. I sincerely believe if she expresses her discomfort in a sincere and honest way (NOT attacking) this could lead to a very open, honest dialogue about the group dynamics at play.
I tend to see life as accept or reject. We cannot control the behaviour of others only strive to understand it. By opening up the group discussion, perhaps everyone will walk away with a better understanding and acceptence of the others involved. Failing that, she must consider whether this behaviour is something she wants to put up with for the rest of her life or not. She must either accept this as part of him or not and find someone who shares a more compatible view of the roles a partner should play in a relationship.
Chances are the Gem and Cancer like each other very much, even love each other, but know they would make lousy romantic partners. There is a very good chance that they don't realize their very genuine affection for each other is making her uncomfortable. (I am leaving the husband out because I really think the Gemgirl is very dissastisfied with her husband so is looking for sexual validation with a trusted friend.)
"USCTG is a smart lady."
AwwwshuksBella-you made me blush! lol. I don't know if I'm too smart...I just have a couple of good days sprinkled throughout the year!
AwwwshuksBella-you made me blush! lol. I don't know if I'm too smart...I just have a couple of good days sprinkled throughout the year!
She dumped him!
That was quick. It was hard on her I could tell but she did it. Good for her! I read what ya'll wrote and told her myself that *I* personally wouldn't be able to handle it and that I would dump his ass but she needed to do what was right for her. So.......she dumped him.
And then that dick had the nerve to say to her "well I'll chalk this up to another female that can't handle that my best friend is a girl". Grrrr.... murder is on my mind.
That's what killed me about the whole thing!!! Is they would go WAY too far with each other and when confronted or Gem's past gf's and my Cappy girl would speak up they'd pull the innocent "we're just friends YOU are so insecure" BS.
I have a theory to what is up with that whole situation with Cancer and Gem. Since she is already married and "set up" (very well I might add) she has her cake and with Gemguy she's eating it too. Whenever their relationship whatever it may be is threatened by Gemguy dating someone Cancer pours on the affection and sabatoges it intentionally so that all the attention is focused back on her. She doesn't like to share the spotlight when it comes to Gem.
How flipping selfish! She has her life but it seems to me she's using Gem as a lapdog. Ugh. Whatever though. If he's dumb enough to fall for it he deserves it.
"1. The fact that you GS, and your partner were made to feel uncomfortable by their behaviour - if other people pick up on it then it's not just my own jealousy, it's something seriously wrong."
I had to comment on this. lol Aries and I are extreamly possesive of each other. To the point of being obsessive about it. So I wasn't sure when we left if it was because it WAS out of hand or it was our nature toward each other that was out of hand. lol We really don't have alot of room to judge that sort of thing because of how devoted we are to each other. A simple look from someone else will set our blood to boil. But yes even if we were a more laid back couple it still would have made us squirm. Aries was VERY upset when we left. He kept commenting on how Gemguy needed his egg cracked a couple times. *shakes head* He's such a hot head sometimes.
That was quick. It was hard on her I could tell but she did it. Good for her! I read what ya'll wrote and told her myself that *I* personally wouldn't be able to handle it and that I would dump his ass but she needed to do what was right for her. So.......she dumped him.
And then that dick had the nerve to say to her "well I'll chalk this up to another female that can't handle that my best friend is a girl". Grrrr.... murder is on my mind.
That's what killed me about the whole thing!!! Is they would go WAY too far with each other and when confronted or Gem's past gf's and my Cappy girl would speak up they'd pull the innocent "we're just friends YOU are so insecure" BS.
I have a theory to what is up with that whole situation with Cancer and Gem. Since she is already married and "set up" (very well I might add) she has her cake and with Gemguy she's eating it too. Whenever their relationship whatever it may be is threatened by Gemguy dating someone Cancer pours on the affection and sabatoges it intentionally so that all the attention is focused back on her. She doesn't like to share the spotlight when it comes to Gem.
How flipping selfish! She has her life but it seems to me she's using Gem as a lapdog. Ugh. Whatever though. If he's dumb enough to fall for it he deserves it.
"1. The fact that you GS, and your partner were made to feel uncomfortable by their behaviour - if other people pick up on it then it's not just my own jealousy, it's something seriously wrong."
I had to comment on this. lol Aries and I are extreamly possesive of each other. To the point of being obsessive about it. So I wasn't sure when we left if it was because it WAS out of hand or it was our nature toward each other that was out of hand. lol We really don't have alot of room to judge that sort of thing because of how devoted we are to each other. A simple look from someone else will set our blood to boil. But yes even if we were a more laid back couple it still would have made us squirm. Aries was VERY upset when we left. He kept commenting on how Gemguy needed his egg cracked a couple times. *shakes head* He's such a hot head sometimes.
Hi Eden!!! *waves happily*
That's too bad Ginger. This really illustrates the difference between loyalty and fidelity. I suspect had he acted loyal to her, putting her first, they would still be together. I feel bad for her. Break-ups always suck.
That's too bad Ginger. This really illustrates the difference between loyalty and fidelity. I suspect had he acted loyal to her, putting her first, they would still be together. I feel bad for her. Break-ups always suck.
Posted by Gingerscorp
I have a theory to what is up with that whole situation with Cancer and Gem. Since she is already married and "set up" (very well I might add) she has her cake and with Gemguy she's eating it too. Whenever their relationship whatever it may be is threatened by Gemguy dating someone Cancer pours on the affection and sabatoges it intentionally so that all the attention is focused back on her. She doesn't like to share the spotlight when it comes to Gem.
How flipping selfish! She has her life but it seems to me she's using Gem as a lapdog. Ugh. Whatever though. If he's dumb enough to fall for it he deserves it.
exactly! glad your friend dumped him.
i still say he was a pokin her
Posted by Gingerscorp
She dumped him!
That was quick. It was hard on her I could tell but she did it. Good for her! I read what ya'll wrote and told her myself that *I* personally wouldn't be able to handle it and that I would dump his ass but she needed to do what was right for her. So.......she dumped him.
And then that dick had the nerve to say to her "well I'll chalk this up to another female that can't handle that my best friend is a girl". Grrrr.... murder is on my mind.
That's what killed me about the whole thing!!! Is they would go WAY too far with each other and when confronted or Gem's past gf's and my Cappy girl would speak up they'd pull the innocent "we're just friends YOU are so insecure" BS.
I have a theory to what is up with that whole situation with Cancer and Gem. Since she is already married and "set up" (very well I might add) she has her cake and with Gemguy she's eating it too. Whenever their relationship whatever it may be is threatened by Gemguy dating someone Cancer pours on the affection and sabatoges it intentionally so that all the attention is focused back on her. She doesn't like to share the spotlight when it comes to Gem.
How flipping selfish! She has her life but it seems to me she's using Gem as a lapdog. Ugh. Whatever though. If he's dumb enough to fall for it he deserves it.
be there for her as a good friend....breaks up are not easy to deal with
"1. The fact that you GS, and your partner were made to feel uncomfortable by their behaviour - if other people pick up on it then it's not just my own jealousy, it's something seriously wrong."
I had to comment on this. lol Aries and I are extreamly possesive of each other. To the point of being obsessive about it. So I wasn't sure when we left if it was because it WAS out of hand or it was our nature toward each other that was out of hand. lol We really don't have alot of room to judge that sort of thing because of how devoted we are to each other. A simple look from someone else will set our blood to boil. But yes even if we were a more laid back couple it still would have made us squirm. Aries was VERY upset when we left. He kept commenting on how Gemguy needed his egg cracked a couple times. *shakes head* He's such a hot head sometimes.
"And then that dick had the nerve to say to her "well I'll chalk this up to another female that can't handle that my best friend is a girl". Grrrr.... murder is on my mind. "
lol, Ginger, in a lot of this testimony, like the above for example, you make it sound like your Cappy friend didn't have a choice, and that her place was to suffer through ((((((((((having)))))))))) to deal with Cancer friend.
I should think that if the situation were as you suspect, that Cancer women really puts the affection on him heavy when he has a girl-interest ... then this would indicate that 9 months ago, Cappy witnessed this, and yet, she still made the choice to be with him.
You make it sound like the GemGuy is fucked up for doing this, when in reality ..... if your Cappy friend wasn't tied to a chair, being forced to endure, then this GemGuy didn't do anything to her that she wasn't a willing participant of.
I would be inclined to think that she thought she would change him, that she would be able to steer him away from Cancer girl and onto her ..... afterall, that's why women do these things, isn't it? The reason why she would be willing to participate in this triangle would be for the satisfaction that she won the prize.
Not sure what is sadder .... that she played it by choice, or that she thought he was the prize at the end had she won.
lol, Ginger, in a lot of this testimony, like the above for example, you make it sound like your Cappy friend didn't have a choice, and that her place was to suffer through ((((((((((having)))))))))) to deal with Cancer friend.
I should think that if the situation were as you suspect, that Cancer women really puts the affection on him heavy when he has a girl-interest ... then this would indicate that 9 months ago, Cappy witnessed this, and yet, she still made the choice to be with him.
You make it sound like the GemGuy is fucked up for doing this, when in reality ..... if your Cappy friend wasn't tied to a chair, being forced to endure, then this GemGuy didn't do anything to her that she wasn't a willing participant of.
I would be inclined to think that she thought she would change him, that she would be able to steer him away from Cancer girl and onto her ..... afterall, that's why women do these things, isn't it? The reason why she would be willing to participate in this triangle would be for the satisfaction that she won the prize.
Not sure what is sadder .... that she played it by choice, or that she thought he was the prize at the end had she won.
"And then that dick had the nerve to say to her "well I'll chalk this up to another female that can't handle that my best friend is a girl". Grrrr.... murder is on my mind. "
Seriously, Ginger .. murder?
You need to take a step backwards and not let your emotions get worked up over things that are done on purpose.
From jump, your friend had to have known that she was in a competition .... do you honestly think that this would be the first time he made such a comment to her?
of course not .... she knew she was competing for attention, of course she did .... Gem and Cancer are best mates, and he even makes implication that this is another case of ..... The Game.
It was The Game .... do you actually think he made the terms of the game known only after 9 months of relating?
Of course not.
Your Cappy friend was a willing participant of this contest ..... so why let your blood pressure stress about it, if Cappy herself has no dignity?
Seriously, Ginger .. murder?
You need to take a step backwards and not let your emotions get worked up over things that are done on purpose.
From jump, your friend had to have known that she was in a competition .... do you honestly think that this would be the first time he made such a comment to her?
of course not .... she knew she was competing for attention, of course she did .... Gem and Cancer are best mates, and he even makes implication that this is another case of ..... The Game.
It was The Game .... do you actually think he made the terms of the game known only after 9 months of relating?
Of course not.
Your Cappy friend was a willing participant of this contest ..... so why let your blood pressure stress about it, if Cappy herself has no dignity?
Well P I'd normally agree with you when it comes to people being at their own fault for staying and enduring bullshit but I think in my Cap's case she didn't feel as though she could over step those boundries into their friendship. I think she was waiting it out, observing, and trying to get a real grasp of what was really going on before she jumped to conclusions.
Had it been ME... ah hell no... I'd have been gone long ago but she has way more patience then I do.
I say murder was on my mind P because Gem acts as though this is not abnormal behavior and pinning ALL the fault on my Cappy friend. I'm her friend and I'm a protective friend. I do believe how he behaves with a MARRIED woman is wrong even if Cappy wasn't in this but to add injury to insult my friend's feelings were in this and she ended up getting hurt.
But yes I'm an emotional creature especially when my friends are involved. I don't want them to hurt. 😢
Thankfully since she is a smart woman she saw what had to be done for HER happiness and decided to move on. It was hard for her but she did and I'm proud of her.
Had it been ME... ah hell no... I'd have been gone long ago but she has way more patience then I do.
I say murder was on my mind P because Gem acts as though this is not abnormal behavior and pinning ALL the fault on my Cappy friend. I'm her friend and I'm a protective friend. I do believe how he behaves with a MARRIED woman is wrong even if Cappy wasn't in this but to add injury to insult my friend's feelings were in this and she ended up getting hurt.
But yes I'm an emotional creature especially when my friends are involved. I don't want them to hurt. 😢
Thankfully since she is a smart woman she saw what had to be done for HER happiness and decided to move on. It was hard for her but she did and I'm proud of her.
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The deal is this guy (Gemini *rolls eyes*) has a female best friend (Cancer). She is married but apparently she relies on Gem for EVERYTHING. She hangs on him whenever she's around him. She hugs him, kisses him (pecks)... just touches him too much for Cappy's comfort. And to be clear my Cap girl is a very reserved and rational person. She's not the jealous type AT ALL. It surprised the hell out of me when she mentioned this to me. If she is shaken up by this there is obviously an overkill of affection going on between Gem and Cancer.
I have seen these two in action when Cap invited me over and of course Cancer and her husband were there. I was blwn away how Cancer treated her husband like basically a slave making him fetch her and Gemguy drinks... just her and Gem not the rest of us. The poor bastard is possibley the most passive guy I'd ever seen. He jumped whenever she barked another order. Gem and Cancer were ignoring the rest of us all night. It made Aries and I so uncomfortable we claimed we were tired so we could get the hell out of Dodge.
I've asked Cap if she confronted him about it and all she said was she "mentioned" that it was strange to which Gemguy laughed and said she had nothing to worry about. They are just "childhood" friends more like brother and sister but the reason for most of his breakups was because women felt threatened by their relationship. She told me she doesn't have a reason to believe that there is something more going on but she feels as though the being overly affectionate toward each other is highly inappropriate. The last straw was this weekend she was suppose to go out on a date night with him and he brought Cancer along. She said she might as well not been there all night because they ignored her.
So what I'm asking is how far is too far? I'm not an affectionate person anyway so I say ANYTHING past a handshake is too far. Kissing and hugging are deal breakers for me even if it's just "friendly". Flirting is a huge no no too. But that's me and I'm...... well me 🙂 I don't know what to tell her because I'm a little radical when it comes to this stuff. It obviously bothers but she likes him alot.