Good relationship, bad timing. Break up for good?

I’ve been dating the same man for two years. Committed to each other emotionally and sexually, called each other boyfriend and girlfriend. However, our life styles couldn’t be more different: he is a well-off, stay-at-home father-of-two; I’m a childless, career-orientated type. We lived in different towns and met once a week. I was very happy when together with him, and very busy in between, due to a situation at work. He had plenty of hobbies and his children. He is good dad.

Last week, he emailed me to say he is breaking up with me. He said he was fed up with me not really being in his life. Once a week was not enough. That he didn’t take the decision lightly or without thinking and is sorry for letting me down like this. And that good relationships have momentum and ours has sadly passed. That we were drifting apart for a while.

We met yesterday and he looked a mess. Red eyes, fidgeting hands, submissive body language, forgot his mum’s birthday and his son’s dentist appointment. I was a mess too, but feeling slightly better, after crying for days and losing appetite and half a stone. I gently said that I believe in us and was sorry for dragging things for so long. That I wasn’t drifting, but working hard to achieve some important targets for early next year. That I wished he complained earlier, not breaking up out of the blue.

He was engaging and agreeing with me. He reacted with a painful expression when I had to leave. I said I respected his decision to break up, but asked if we could start afresh once I sorted my mess out. He said he didn’t know. I shook his hand and texted him later “I hope it was not for the last time” but he didn’t reply.

Have you been in a similar situation? What happened next ?

What is your feeling about my relationship: irreparable broken or potentially closer later on?

What can I do to rescue what I think was a good relationship, but temporarily limited by external circumstances?

Yikes! 😢
I've had a similar experience where things could have not worked but the timing was off. We had been together already and swore we were soul mates. Then a year or so later we connected and it was like no time had passed. But at that point he had moved to another country and I was trying to finish school in the USA. We were very much in love, but I didn't know when I would be done with school and the fact that we didn't know when exactly we could be together frustrated him. He had given me an ultimatum of now or never. My answer was "not right now." He couldn't accept that so I broke it off. If he really wants to make it work, he will be there, just keep reassuring him it will work. If he can't, let it go, project positive thoughts about the future, keep in contact and try again when you accomplish your targets.

"Do you generally communicate via email?"


By phone and email, yes. We had the break up talk yesterday, and a very long phone call before that. The email was a taste of the things to come.


"has he expressed in the past that he needs to see you more?"


Occasionally yes, and I made time for him!

Posted by AndsAcquisitions
oh yeah i'm a bit neglectful if left to my own devices.

does he have a libra mercury or venus? those placements always blind side me with breakups. i'm like duh why didn't you say anything before?

Nothing Libra. Cancer Mercury, Gem Venus.

Probably has a side chick and let this go before anyone got hurt. It's like the exact opposite of that chick in the Taurus board cheating.. and it's better to break up first and instead of being disrespectful to hurting someone.

I am sorry though must be hard and I hope you find someone else better suited for your life.

Posted by LuckyLibra979
You'll only find out with time but if he's ignoring you then his mind may be made up but do u really want a future with someone who'll leave you without giving you a chance to fix it?

Good question. I think he was sitting on a fence, expecting me to fix it..."if I really wanted to be with him"!

However if want astrology wise. Venus in Gemini is surrounded by attention and other people..and sometimes get caught up in it all.. superifical and talkative...Cancer mercury all about communication of emotions and nurturing effort and other things. Maybe wears their hearts on their sleeves.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
Probably has a side chick and let this go before anyone got hurt. It's like the exact opposite of that chick in the Taurus board cheating.. and it's better to break up first and instead of being disrespectful to hurting someone.

I am sorry though must be hard and I hope you find someone else better suited for your life.

I don't know. One of the things he complained about in his break up email was spending yet another Christmas "alone".

Last Christmas I was back to my home country to see my parents.

Hm that must be okay to spend time with the family separate on holidays sure. But then did you make time after that? Some people like doing holidays together as a couple or go elsewhere then meet up when you get back?

Pretty much what happened with my Aries Ex..good relationship, bad timing and other circumstances.

I can only say that from where I am standing, I decided I can't live my life waiting for some circumstances to change....and we're both free to find happiness elsewhere. With us it was a family problem, his family could not stand me. He is a great guy who cares a lot about his family and I didn't want things to get in a "me vs them" scenario ever or for him to feel he has to sacrifice one side of the equation to fulfill the other. It seemed selfish on my behalf so we just walked our separate ways.

He is a very close friend to me now. I went through a lot of moods and thoughts about it..I think the break-up was indeed a break-up and I'm not harboring any hopes for us getting back together in the future. I'm blessed to have experienced this.

It's a very weird feeling when thing break apart not due to a lack of love or something massive..but not getting on the same page.

Wishing you the best, Undine. Who knows...I personally steer clear of "Who knows?" thoughts because they get me stuck if I pine my life away on a whim...but that was what was running in my head reading his story. Focus on processing this in whatever way helps soothe your soul.

reading your story*

Thank you for your kind words, Damnata and for sharing your experience. Multumesc 🙂

I wish he had just a bit more patience with me.......as he always advised me to have (with my stock investments). I want him back, though. He was the best match I ever had.

The circumstances will change early next year, I'm working on it! I'll definitely let him know and tease him when the time comes.

Posted by Huldra
I wouldn't call it a "bad timing" imo, more like that you two want different things, whether at the moment or in general. It's hard not beung on the same page. He seems to want a mother for his kids and a potential wife to call his own, you're probably not at that point yet.

Is this the Gemini guy, if I remember correctly?

Yes, he is the Gem guy. The kids have a mother who shares custody and lives nearby. They are teenagers and getting more independent by the day.

Both of us are divorced, none of us needs to remarry, yet want to build a long term relationship.

Not sure we want different things...I wanted to live with him in the near future.

Good luck and take care! :-)

Posted by Arielle83
He's pretty demanding.

Isn't he 😄?

WateryGem, thank you.

"Even if it was for a couple of hours during the week, that was enough to be in each others presence"

Awww.....that sounds so lovely....I wish my Gem would say that. Sigh. He actually said some of the things you did, about my dreams and career during the break up meet. Also your life style with the Libra was similar to ours! How long did it last?

My Gem left his job only a few months before we met! He knows what working hard to keep afloat means, was the CEO of a 300+ company for many years before he decided to quit. He has water in his chart (24% in Pullen), but not so much in his personal planets. Cancer Mercury.

Posted by Gobshite

Posted by Undine
He was the best match I ever had.

A bit difficult reaching that conclusion, when you were only seeing each other once a week...

click to expand

Damn, this is exactly what he said!!!!!

(Or his Capricorn rising 🙂 did)

Posted by Huldra
In that case perhaps it's the current situation, not the long term goals. I have had a good relationship on my hands two years ago, but we were so not on the same page... we got close once again, this time the odds are better, as we are also older.

In between though I dated an Aqua and (very briefly) a Cancer. The latter was also a father of 3 kids with his Taurus wife having a joint custody. He basically wanted the same thing, wxcept he was much too fresh of a divorcee, and being a full time firefighter and seasonal cop did not leave much time for us to really even get to know each other. Most of his free time was obviously devoted to kids (as it should), he's a great dad. The dating/having a woman of his own however was complicated, and still much induced by his ex he spent 10 years with (married awfully young).

Being a devorcee myself, I know the pitfalls of toubg love taken to the altar. Ralely does it work out lol.

Regardless though, the bottom line is partners of all sorts and walks of life come and go. Every new relationship gets tested. What's not meant to remain, ends and fades. What's meant to endure, endures or comes back.

So you DID get back together!

I hope we will. Reading about his personality type though...he is ENTJ...once they make up their mind and leave, they never look back. Actually they say the same about my type, and so far it was true.

I want him back. I hope it is just a test and we will pass it. That our relationship changes for the better and gets stronger.

I wish I could see in the future.

It sort of sounds like he was doing the whole breakup via e-mail thing as a cry out/test....wanting you to react in a way that gave him reassurance you don't want to lose him and want to be more a part of his life and you didn't so now he is probably like what the fuck did I do, but he's probably stubborn so when he saw you with your wits about you, relatively composed and respectful of his decision to end things, so that ego and stubbornness kept him from telling you flat out "I made a mistake." It's a shame what poor communication and ego can do to a potentially healthy relationship.

Posted by Undine
WateryGem, thank you.

"Even if it was for a couple of hours during the week, that was enough to be in each others presence"

Awww.....that sounds so lovely....I wish my Gem would say that. Sigh. He actually said some of the things you did, about my dreams and career during the break up meet. Also your life style with the Libra was similar to ours! How long did it last?

My Gem left his job only a few months before we met! He knows what working hard to keep afloat means, was the CEO of a 300+ company for many years before he decided to quit. He has water in his chart (24% in Pullen), but not so much in his personal planets. Cancer Mercury.

Oh he's a Gemini? Double what I just said above then.

Posted by ashley1734
It sort of sounds like he was doing the whole breakup via e-mail thing as a cry out/test....wanting you to react in a way that gave him reassurance you don't want to lose him and want to be more a part of his life and you didn't so now he is probably like what the fuck did I do, but he's probably stubborn so when he saw you with your wits about you, relatively composed and respectful of his decision to end things, so that ego and stubbornness kept him from telling you flat out "I made a mistake." It's a shame what poor communication and ego can do to a potentially healthy relationship.

I wish you were right. I did reassure him as much as I could. We talked about staying in touch, but also that we need the time to process what happened emotionally.

He is very proud. He tends to sulk when he is upset. Once he didn't speak to his mum and siblings for one year, because his mum placed him in the SECOND limousine after the hearse, at his father funeral. She had his older brother and his whole family in the first. I thought his reaction was childish. He thought it meant his mother never loved him as much as she loved his brother...

Posted by LittleStar
I don't see how either side is wrong. The have feelings for each other but different needs and neither is wrong for wanting what they want.

Geminis need a lot of attention. Communication is our love language. If we don't have someone that is on the same page and likes to hang out consistently then we can shut off emotionally. That's not to say it's your fault, but it's just simply not something he is wanting. Maybe you would be able to do it in the future, but timing is just as important as anything else.

This could simply be a relationship that was meant to teach you to go for your needs being met as much as having an emotional connection because frankly both are necessary.

Absolutely agree.

Posted by Impulsv
I mean your responses saying that you going to tease him that you're working on it sometime nextyear. Too u its cutesy, lighthearted and funny to him it's a serious issue. he has needs and you are not listening to them.

I may come across as lightheaded because of my Sag rising. He looks dead serious, because of his Cap rising.

However, I would say we were both equally serious and funny in our interactions before the break up.

Posted by BlackMamba
you seem cold.


maybe its best he moved on.

Cold as a fish 🙂?

No, I'm not cold and he knows it. Just rely on reason to keep those wild emotions under control. Mars in Aries! can be scary! He does the same.

I'm a huger, he's a kisser. We said "I love you" to each other quite often and I meant it.

Posted by BlackMamba

Posted by Damnata
Pretty much what happened with my Aries Ex..good relationship, bad timing and other circumstances.

I can only say that from where I am standing, I decided I can't live my life waiting for some circumstances to change....and we're both free to find happiness elsewhere. With us it was a family problem, his family could not stand me. He is a great guy who cares a lot about his family and I didn't want things to get in a "me vs them" scenario ever or for him to feel he has to sacrifice one side of the equation to fulfill the other. It seemed selfish on my behalf so we just walked our separate ways.

He is a very close friend to me now. I went through a lot of moods and thoughts about it..I think the break-up was indeed a break-up and I'm not harboring any hopes for us getting back together in the future. I'm blessed to have experienced this.

i cant imagine anybody not liking you, you must have been reading some boring book out loud or something, or did you behave in your know it all way?

click to expand

You know how it is in the states with north vs south or east coast vs west? It's the same here when it comes to our three provinces. I come from a province where women are believed to be passionate yet cruel. His family bought into that stereotype 100% . In their defense my mother comes from that part of the country too and she was exactly like that. My family situation is hard to accept when the other side is a strong family with 3 kids. They didn't like my parents being divorced. It's funny because with the exception if his brother, I really liked his folks. His mother now asks for me..i find that hypocritical.

"I come from a province where women are believed to be passionate yet cruel. His family bought into that stereotype 100% ."

Good job I changed countries, not just provinces when got married 🙂!

I now live in the UK, where the so-called "Romanian invasion" was second to the ISIS threat last year. Misused by many politicians, all over the mass media. The "invasion" proved to be ridiculously low when it came to the actual numbers. Anyway, I LIVED through that. It was actually funny meeting new people and seeing their dismay when I answered the usual "where are you coming from" question. They went silent ......I had to add.... ".......and I came here 15 years ago!" 😄.

But what province are you talking about, Damnata? I'm from Moldova.

I never felt I had a well enough plan for my life to invite anyone in, so timing has always been off. Missed an opportunity with a Scorpio, now drifting,
again, from the Taurus. I always had a distance before from all guys, but the persistence and comfort with the Taurus made me give in for the 1st time in my life when I should have stuck with what I knew about myself initially, which is if Im not 110% comfortable with myself, a relationship is just not going to happen. Not only do I block myself from allowing it, but I guess my thoughts are so heavy I attract those that block it too.

Btw, I never paid attention or really knew anything about wrong timing until listening to Drake.

Posted by Undine
But what province are you talking about, Damnata? I'm from Moldova.

Oltenia.

When I moved with my dad to Moldova..no one would talk to me at first. The bias was that deep. Most of my colleagues didn't even warm up to me..ever.

My dad is originally from Moldova, my mother is from Oltenia. It was like a marriage of stereotypes.

Omg, speeking of the Romanian invasion..just to lift your spirits up because I still look at this article and laugh:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/adjwilson/twitter-reacts-to-the-romanian-and-bulgarian-inva-hzvl#.li4nqkqoQ

Posted by tiziani

Posted by Undine
"I come from a province where women are believed to be passionate yet cruel. His family bought into that stereotype 100% ."

Good job I changed countries, not just provinces when got married 🙂!

I now live in the UK, where the so-called "Romanian invasion" was second to the ISIS threat last year. Misused by many politicians, all over the mass media. The "invasion" proved to be ridiculously low when it came to the actual numbers. Anyway, I LIVED through that. It was actually funny meeting new people and seeing their dismay when I answered the usual "where are you coming from" question. They went silent ......I had to add.... ".......and I came here 15 years ago!" 😄.

But what province are you talking about, Damnata? I'm from Moldova.

Romanians are invading here?

click to expand

Thank you Starlover!

My Uranus/ Pluto squares his Venus/ Sun and his Pluto opposes my Sun/Moon.

So.....were we meant to be together just to trigger some transformation in our life? I think I'm transforming. I want to be lean and mean and conquer the world again. Seriously. But maybe it's because I've just watched the latest James Bond, Spectre!

(((((Starlover))))). xxx

Gem's mum is a Scorpio like you.

Posted by Damnata

Posted by tiziani

Posted by Undine
"I come from a province where women are believed to be passionate yet cruel. His family bought into that stereotype 100% ."

Good job I changed countries, not just provinces when got married 🙂!

I now live in the UK, where the so-called "Romanian invasion" was second to the ISIS threat last year. Misused by many politicians, all over the mass media. The "invasion" proved to be ridiculously low when it came to the actual numbers. Anyway, I LIVED through that. It was actually funny meeting new people and seeing their dismay when I answered the usual "where are you coming from" question. They went silent ......I had to add.... ".......and I came here 15 years ago!" 😄.

But what province are you talking about, Damnata? I'm from Moldova.

Romanians are invading here?

http://i.imgur.com/yw8Ye8O.gif<div class="bqfade">click to expand

Damnata, I apologise on behalf of all Moldavian women!

Don't worry Undine, it's Ardealul that's the Enemy =))

I kid, I kid. Spent enough time in both provinces and got along with people there...forced the moldavians ones to get along with me but oh well it worked.

Posted by Undine
He said he was fed up with me not really being in his life. Once a week was not enough.

this man doesn't know what's good for him