Partner Wife or Mistress Life

Scenario#1: Wife and Partner

You are with someone whom you’re attracted to. There is caring and love but passion doesn’t come naturally. It’s rooted in security.

Man has good status, lots of money, woman doesn’t have to work. (if she chooses not to) Your life is fb public with updates on places you go, the new cars you’ve bought, the last party with all your friends and family.

Sometimes you complain to your bff about how yes, it looks wonderful but you fight the urge to find someone more emotionally fulfilling.

Scenario#2: Mate and Lover

You are with man that dominates you sexually or a woman who knows how to satisfy and it’s mostly about passion and devotion. It’s roots are primal.

Man has a good job and status but your relationship is private and you don’t attend a lot of events together. Woman has her own money, position and enjoys her work. You are together for mutual emotional and sexual needs but both of you stand in the public eye alone.

You complain to your bff that you love the intimate bond at the soul level but sometimes wish you shared a public life together.

The whole package is not an option because it’s not sustainable. You will have to sacrifice and choose one over the other.

Which one is more appealing to you?

i woudl go with the later .. to be unfullfilled emotionally is not worth all the money or status in the world.

the world doesnt need to be involved in the bond we have.

Scenario 2 mate and lover, I like my independence and would rather experience genuine emotion and passion rather than just settling for security and leading a loveless life.

Scenario number 1 for me.

Honestly the second one is like a poison ... Consumes you, and so dangerous... But I'm so infatuated with passion, but it's too many hurt feelings that come with it...

The first one is safer ... But if you're feeling empty, then... You'll never be satisfied...

I'd have to go with the first one... We can find a way to spice things up... I've been down the second option road extremely too many times.. And sex and passion can't make up for still feeling lonely and stuff...

"You complain to your bff that you love the intimate bond at the soul level but sometimes wish you shared a public life together.

The whole package is not an option because it’s not sustainable."

i guess i do not understand why sharing a public life together is not sustainable. i wouldn't be able to guarantee my emotional faithfulness staying in #1 i'd drift away to someone else has my heart that's the answer

see i took Scenario1 to mean it's all about status, money and finaical securty and what the world perceives, ou appear ot have everything yet have nothing.

and Scenario 2 to be about each other and that bond you have, bascailly screw the outside world. You have little to nothing monatarily and have everything.

"ou appear ot have everything yet have nothing. "

You appear to have everything*

ok i didn't read the thread title "mistress" lol

don't shoot me lol but if we are each other's the love of our life, then i'd tell him to make it right before we take the next step and i'll wait for him.

Senario 2..... I'm a private person. Also me
Being single is more entertaining as an entertainer... Yes I struggle with wanting people to know who I'm with but won't the important ones know? Heifer social media no one post statuses about it you just knew who was with who... I need passion.... Secret loves are more exciting. You run the risk of them having multiple sex partners though cause no one will come to you about it If they don't know you the main.

Not heifer but BEFORE is what I meant

Posted by iCloud9
i guess i do not understand why sharing a public life together is not sustainable.

Could be various reasons. Work schedules, the type of job you have, different social circles, family disputes. But let's say sustaining both divides your attentions to the point one area is going to suffer.

lol i can't read if that is what the 2 scenerios are.. or i am just delluded and see possibilites in everything.

guess it's single life for me!

1st scenario without any hesitation.

There is love and caring and everything is in the open.

I'm sold on love and caring vs fleeting and selfish soul mate vibes.

I am the kind of person who loves experiences together, going on adventures and trying activities for the first time so the 2nd scenario would never appeal to me.

Thank you to those of you that did understand it and broke it down.

LOLOLOL

jesus only took 3 tries.

Posted by PV&Jellay

Posted by iCloud9
ok i didn't read the thread title "mistress" lol

don't shoot me lol but if we are each other's the love of our life, then i'd tell him to make it right before we take the next step and i'll wait for him.

Oh hell me neither. Lol. I dont want to be a mistress hell no. I saw scenario 1 as a loveless marriage and scenario 2 as dating with no clear definition. I can't do a loveless marriage.

click to expand

Glad i am not the only one that got confussed,

I wanted a reason to choose scenario 1, but going off only the downsides listed - I'm not sure how not having a public life together is anywhere near as bad as not being fulfilled emotionally. I suppose everyone's values are different, though.

For some reason, this topic bothered me. Like, the focus of the scenarios seemed to miss some points that I would consider or not consider to be issues. For instance, I felt including money and not working in the 1st scenario wasn't necessary. You could just have said it's a comfortable relationship but there's no passion. In the second one, the public eye thing isn't that big of a deal. What about other issues that come along with passionate relationships such as the fizzling out of emotions or heated arguments? I'm not even sure why something so silly is bothering me, but I just needed to rant about it.

Posted by MlleFisk
My answer is cats.

#catlife!

Posted by justagirl

Posted by PV&Jellay

Posted by iCloud9
ok i didn't read the thread title "mistress" lol

don't shoot me lol but if we are each other's the love of our life, then i'd tell him to make it right before we take the next step and i'll wait for him.

Oh hell me neither. Lol. I dont want to be a mistress hell no. I saw scenario 1 as a loveless marriage and scenario 2 as dating with no clear definition. I can't do a loveless marriage.

Glad i am not the only one that got confussed,

click to expand

Mistress Life, as in not on his arm and/or time together may be limited. I meant figuratively

Posted by Scenic
I wanted a reason to choose scenario 1, but going off only the downsides listed - I'm not sure how not having a public life together is anywhere near as bad as not being fulfilled emotionally. I suppose everyone's values are different, though.

For some reason, this topic bothered me. Like, the focus of the scenarios seemed to miss some points that I would consider or not consider to be issues. For instance, I felt including money and not working in the 1st scenario wasn't necessary. You could just have said it's a comfortable relationship but there's no passion. In the second one, the public eye thing isn't that big of a deal. What about other issues that come along with passionate relationships such as the fizzling out of emotions or heated arguments? I'm not even sure why something so silly is bothering me, but I just needed to rant about it.

I got these scenarios from drunk talk last night.

The relationship is comfortable but it's roots are based in the security the partnership brings. It may not be money, but it's more about material or external values. It could even be political but those are also external.

It is a tough call.

if "mistress" is only figuratively speaking, #2 all the way. one day all obstacles will be removed with determination

The talk reminded me of a friend I ran into awhile ago. She had a really stressful job and took a leave of absence. She was dating and met a great guy she fell for.

He bought a big house and since she wasn't working, asked her to rent out her place and move in with him. It was all a whirlwind and she is very happy. Then came the but... they don't have much time anymore. They live together but the romance is fast flying out the window and is being replaced with "plans".

Made me wonder if she found what she was looking for.

Posted by Vixen2
Romances that fly out the door so to speak...get comfortable which is the natural progression of things. You always have to try and remember to do the things that made everything so sexy and intense as in the beginning. Two people can fall in love over and over and over again. It's a myth that once find the one its just magical forever, creativity and effort really matters for LTR

Yes, if you are trying to manage both but you can have just one

No male answers? lol

Scenario 2.

I'm quite surprised that some of you would choose scenario1. It's like putting on a show to cover your emptiness.

For me, scenario 1 is "mistress life". She is a kept woman. A trophy thing. Or an extreme extrovert in a menage a trente.

Scenario 2 is a career woman, therefore an equal partner to her man. She makes plenty of time for her private life.

Posted by Undine
For me, scenario 1 is "mistress life". She is a kept woman. A trophy thing. Or an extreme extrovert in a menage a trente.

Scenario 2 is a career woman, therefore an equal partner to her man. She makes plenty of time for her private life.

hmmm, never looked at it like that

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by tiziani
Scenario 1 is you having a relationship but you don't have each other.

Scenario 2 is you have each other but you don't actually have a relationship.

Tough break.

Not true on number 2
My sister is in a relates hip but not all open in the workplace because they want privacy there. In those instances he is not mentioned on fb or Instagram at work but outside of that its a strong relationship open to family n freinds. Seven years still together.

click to expand

Is this the definition of a relationship? Talking to each other on Facebook and Instagram, while in the same house?

Attending each others boring Christmas parties?

Going from party to party to entertain other and do not talk to each other till you share a taxi back home...?

Is this what you think a marriage is about...—?!!!

Scenario 1 is like 2 people playing the role of house but Dont know each other on a spiritual level. Like two ships passing in the dark.

Scenario 2 is a spiritual connection that can never be complete in the physical world. Usually a cheating situation.

I choose 1, have had #2 and its beyond painful to want that emptional/spiritual bond to be more real but knowing it has an end.

Choosing 1 is satisfying in a different way.

my scorp and i was #2 and now we are married with shared public life of course lol

I meant to say +1 to Impulsv

You all talk about public life, like you were public figures.

Usually those in the public eye go to great lengths to protect their private life.

Maybe you should define what exactly you mean by "public life".

Is that it...."Your life is fb public with updates on places you go, the new cars you’ve bought, the last party with all your friends and family."

LMAO

I've been in the #2 situation forever (but not a mistress). It has its pros and cons. Sometimes I think it would be nice to go out more together, travel, have a secure future financially.

But I also wonder if I ended up in a #1 situation if I would feel 2 dimensional and unchalleneged.

I think it's possible to have a little of both, but probably rare.

Just wanted to add a little more thoughts on why I chose the first scenario and how I compare them. Hopefully this discussion can go without shaming women for choosing the first vs the second.

In scenario 1, you have attraction, love and caring. To me love and caring are incredibly underestimated today..especially the caring factor. There's also attraction so it's not cohabiting with someone you find repulsion. On the other hand, primal energy is incredibly overestimated. Primal energy is the simplest form of emotion..whereas caring and love are harder to achieve and require putting your whole into it..other than your biological making up and chemistry.

I don't care about the fb updates but if we're talking public...this scenario allows you to meet up in public, go for a movie together, go to a restaurant together, play sports together, share a part of the circle of friends together...all of those are missing in the second scenario. I wonder how aware people are of how many activities between partners happen in public..all of which are missing in the second scenario.

The money issue...comes as an agreement between partners in the first scenario. You still have the choice to work as you have in the second scenario so I don't get the "kept" angle on the first scenario or the trophy wife one. Should we assume that every homemaker in history was basically a kept mistress?

Just to play devil's advocate...

People who engage in the first scenario can easily have the second one too...without it being cakey eatey. The first scenario is based on an agreement and if there is love and caring for the other's needs...both partners would allow each other to find someone on the side to experience the second scenario with. Meanwhile people in the second scenario can't easily have the first one..since the attraction in the second scenario is based on primal needs and the sexual possesiveness to me seems greater than the first..where it's lukewarm and both partners are aware of it. Furthermore, very few mistresses understand the mistress role..most of them default to the first scenario. You see it on the boards all the time...second scenario is never enough, they want to play wifey.

you find repulsive*

biological makeup*

The first scenario is that of a woman who is young, unexperienced and materialistic.

Young, because she doesn't have children yet. If she did, "her life will shatter into a multi-pieced jigsaw of immeasurable complications as she tries to arrange working life, social life and romantic life into the small time frame previously reserved for calls to her parents-in-law.. Once the child is a reality, the prospect of a movie night at the local multiplex will take on the excitement and allure of an invite to the Oscars. The pleasure of nights out will be leavened by the terrifying cost of a babysitter, etc" (adapted from the yesterdays Observer).

Unexperienced, because she either lacks education or vocation or simply the understanding that she needs a job to be able to stand on her own legs.

Materialistic...because if she doesn't have a job, more often than not, hey have less than the average couple. She can only show off to people as "poor" or "poorer" than her. This is her FB audience.

The second scenario is that of a woman who appears to have it all, and it is secure enough in her own value, to not feel the need to show off.

Being private does not mean she hides herself either. She and her husband could go to the theatre, cinema, concerts, restaurants, holidays together. She cannot avoid Christmas with in-laws either,

At the same time, they also have their own friends (before marriage) and hobbies. Meeting friends separately is far better than attending the same party. She doesn't have to complain of being ignored by him the whole time. After all, we don't go to a party to hung on and entertain our spouse. We could have done that at home, Ask the men, if you don't believe it.

Posted by Undine
The first scenario is that of a woman who is young, unexperienced and materialistic.

Young, because she doesn't have children yet. If she did, "her life will shatter into a multi-pieced jigsaw of immeasurable complications as she tries to arrange working life, social life and romantic life into the small time frame previously reserved for calls to her parents-in-law.. Once the child is a reality, the prospect of a movie night at the local multiplex will take on the excitement and allure of an invite to the Oscars. The pleasure of nights out will be leavened by the terrifying cost of a babysitter, etc" (adapted from the yesterdays Observer).

Unexperienced, because she either lacks education or vocation or simply the understanding that she needs a job to be able to stand on her own legs.

Materialistic...because if she doesn't have a job, more often than not, hey have less than the average couple. She can only show off to people as "poor" or "poorer" than her. This is her FB audience.

This is not what the first scenario stated.

I don't get where do you go with the young angle and no children..you're assuming the woman is vapid by default. Meanwhile, the first scenario is heavy on partnership..which would pretty much is the standard notion for having children together. Scenario number 2 hints at totally different lives.

What do Oscars have to do with it? Public eye = any place public

Why is she unexperienced and materialistic? Scenario clearly says she can choose if she wants to keep a job or not..but they never run without money regardless of her choice. So again the less than the average couple..has nothing to do with the scenario.

Posted by Undine
The second scenario is that of a woman who appears to have it all, and it is secure enough in her own value, to not feel the need to show off.

Being private does not mean she hides herself either. She and her husband could go to the theatre, cinema, concerts, restaurants, holidays together. She cannot avoid Christmas with in-laws either,

At the same time, they also have their own friends (before marriage) and hobbies. Meeting friends separately is far better than attending the same party. She doesn't have to complain of being ignored by him the whole time. After all, we don't go to a party to hung on and entertain our spouse. We could have done that at home, Ask the men, if you don't believe it.

First woman can be just as secure in her own value, because she can define security in self in any way she wants. Again, the need to show off? Just because they can post pictures on FB about their partnership and their vacations?

"theatre, cinema, concerts, restaurants, holidays" = public places

Agreed on friends.

The replies are interesting to me..

*sits back and ponders*

Posted by wecarealot
It seems like the real question for #2 is--- WHY do they stand alone in the public eye? What are they trying to hide and why? Are they celebs? Is one of them married? etc. That's important to know.

I think the answer is in the topic title.

Posted by wecarealot

Posted by Damnata

Posted by wecarealot
It seems like the real question for #2 is--- WHY do they stand alone in the public eye? What are they trying to hide and why? Are they celebs? Is one of them married? etc. That's important to know.

I think the answer is in the topic title.

Hmm, I actually assumed the OP meant "mistress life" as in a scenario that's reminiscent of infidelity than actual infidelity. Well, if that's the case then #2 is for sure out. I still think #1 would bore me over time.

click to expand

In all fairness, not clear if mistress in actuality or just mirroring a mistress's walk in life.

But if there would be no barrier between them, scenario 2 would be scenario 1 up a notch and for the best of all parties.

So whatever impediment runs in the second scenario...even if outside any infidelity..I wouldn't get involved with that.

Posted by wecarealot
If I only had these two options in real life, I would just stay single and get a cat, lol. Life can be so much more than either of these scenarios.

#catlifeforus

Posted by justagirl
i woudl go with the later .. to be unfullfilled emotionally is not worth all the money or status in the world.

the world doesnt need to be involved in the bond we have.

Yeah... provided there's no infidelity going on to make this relationship

happen-- it isn't ideal, but it is the better of the two.

Posted by BlackMamba
Look the first one the man is proud of you. The second one the man hides you.

No fuking thank you. I don't need the passion cause experiences can create passion... Stability is what I want and need

Whatever... trophy wife is shit, if life at home is a drag.

Posted by tiziani

Posted by Damnata
The replies are interesting to me..

*sits back and ponders*

Very inderastang thread

click to expand

everyone is putting there spin on the original OP

*le sigh*

their spin* I

s it merc retro or something? i can't type, spell or form a clear thought today lol

Posted by tiziani
Scenario 1 is you having a relationship but you don't have each other.

Scenario 2 is you have each other but you don't actually have a relationship.

Tough break.

Yeah, I gotta say, I'd rather choose this if I could only have one or the other:

Posted by SexySergio
Because being picky after 30 is a great strategy.

click to expand

I can almost see @Tiziani floating in the air with his salesman smile, going to those two women from the scenarios:

"Yeah, it might be bad and all..but single life is horrific, right?"