HELP! Ex boyfriend of 15 years is making me CRAZY!

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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

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Please help me! I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I lost contact with my ex bf 15 years ago after I cheated on him and made him so devastated. I beg for his forgiveness but he never looked back. He shut me out. So, I went on with my life have married and had 2 kids, he also got married 2 yrs after and got 2 kids also. My hubby is not so good to me lately making me so depressed. Out of hopelessness I contacted my ex, and for some weird reason we have communication again. I have unresolved issues with him and I miss him badly. He wants us to meet but I refused. I'm so scared to feel the pain all over again. Do I have to meet him and finish the unresolved issues? Cause we didn't have a closure when we part. Right now my hubby is doing all the effort of fixing our relationship. But he has reached my limit, because of him I am going to a theraphy.
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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 48 · Topics: 5
t the best question here. Honestly this is what I am asking myself as well. Trying to figure everything out. That's why I'm asking for "help." I don't know what to do that will give me peace. And if I had made up my mind I wont be asking questions like this.

Posted by e11e
you already made up your mind....

Posted by Cancermoon041181
What's the compatibility between these signs:

Male Sagittarius sun virgo moon (12/17/81)
Female Aries sun cancer moon
(4/11/81)
Female Virgo sun virgo moon
(8/24/79)

I am the aries sun female in love with my ex bf sagittarius male but he's in a relationship with the virgo female. I wanna know who is more compatible to whom and what's their relationship like.



so, you cheated on this boyfriend and now you are going to cheat on your husband.

not to mention, you want to know what the ex's relationship is with his wife.

what the hell is wrong with you?
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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

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Posted by Damnata
Posted by Cancermoon041181
I contacted my ex, and for some weird reason we have communication again.



Hilarious. Are you one of those people who dials numbers randomly and is shocked when someone picks up the phone?

For you to contact him and be amazed at the fact he replied..lol.
click to expand





Really shocked because I thought he had cursed my life. For years I felt so useless and miserable. I was just thinking that if I was patient enough to have waited instead of marrying that time, i dont know. My unhappiness is making me do this things and I am not proud of it.
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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

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Posted by starlover
You can resolve unfinished business without seeing the person. I have done this more than once

Th fact you are feeling depressed will send your mind back to him. Get your therapist to do cutting the ties that bind with you and then work on letting go. There are loads of meditation vids on YouTube which are very helpful. When I have felt pulled back to an ex, I meditate or talk to my therapist and remember the reason I walked away

Stay strong.....you may find if you decided to revisit the situation you'll just be facing the same old issues




My relationship with my husband is really not happy. A lot is missing. We don't connect emotionally and he is rude towards me. He has a lot of good points but the bad he does outweighs them. I feel empty deep inside. I love him but he doesn't pay attention to me and resolve the problem. I did everything for him and our family. I am so nurturing to them that I forgot myself. I'm really lost and depressed right now. You're right that my mind is going back to my ex. We were happier then. We were just too young and immature to save our ideal relationship that's been ruined because of our pride. He said he is not happy with his wife. Last 5 yrs ago he already asked for me to meet him but I also refused. I don't even know what this meeting is about for him. I am also willing to tell my therapist about cutting the ties with my ex because the feeling I have right now is really hard. 2 problems I'm trying to resolve. Do I need to tell my ex about my marriage problem or will I look pathetic? I am happy there's this forum because I haven't told anyone of my problems since the breakup with my ex 15 yrs ago. I kept everything hidden in me cause I thought I can handle it by myself. Now My strength is collapsing due to all of my problems. Lately i am too vulnerable from hurt feelings and it sucks. I just want to be okay and move on and be done with everything.

Thanks for your advice..
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truecap
@truecap
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 8 · Posts: 20090 · Topics: 685
Posted by Cancermoon041181
Posted by starlover
You can resolve unfinished business without seeing the person. I have done this more than once

Th fact you are feeling depressed will send your mind back to him. Get your therapist to do cutting the ties that bind with you and then work on letting go. There are loads of meditation vids on YouTube which are very helpful. When I have felt pulled back to an ex, I meditate or talk to my therapist and remember the reason I walked away

Stay strong.....you may find if you decided to revisit the situation you'll just be facing the same old issues




My relationship with my husband is really not happy. A lot is missing. We don't connect emotionally and he is rude towards me. He has a lot of good points but the bad he does outweighs them. I feel empty deep inside. I love him but he doesn't pay attention to me and resolve the problem. I did everything for him and our family. I am so nurturing to them that I forgot myself. I'm really lost and depressed right now. You're right that my mind is going back to my ex. We were happier then. We were just too young and immature to save our ideal relationship that's been ruined because of our pride. He said he is not happy with his wife. Last 5 yrs ago he already asked for me to meet him but I also refused. I don't even know what this meeting is about for him. I am also willing to tell my therapist about cutting the ties with my ex because the feeling I have right now is really hard. 2 problems I'm trying to resolve. Do I need to tell my ex about my marriage problem or will I look pathetic? I am happy there's this forum because I haven't told anyone of my problems since the breakup with my ex 15 yrs ago. I kept everything hidden in me cause I thought I can handle it by myself. Now My strength is collapsing due to all of my problems. Lately i am too vulnerable from hurt feelings and it sucks. I just want to be okay and move on and be done with everything.

Thanks for your advice..
click to expand




The ex is just an illusion of happiness you've made up in your head. Obviously things weren't that perfect with him because you cheated on him. Get out of your fantasy and take a good hard look at the reality of what sent you off cheating in the first place.

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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

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Posted by starlover
Posted by Cancermoon041181
Posted

Thanks for your advice..




You are welcome.......I can guarantee that if you have both of them in your life it will end up messy. Try work around letting the ex go and working through things wifth hubbie.
click to expand




I know everything happens for a reason, and this too shall pass. I only opted to seek therapy after I talked to me ex. He doesn't know any of my problems. Maybe he is the angel God sent for me to have courage and seek therapy from my husbands abusive behavior. My husband is not too sensitive with my situation. He instills in my mind that I have emotional/mental problem, which I can't accept. It's a miracle I finally decided for therapy though Im feeling scared.
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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

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Posted by truecap
Posted by Cancermoon041181
Last 5 yrs ago he already asked for me to meet him but I also refused.



Wait. You're not telling the truth. You said you hadn't had contact with him for 15 years. You had contact with him 5 years ago.

click to expand




Yes we did. I only said hi and wants to hear from him. I have never been over him because we didnt have a closure. I thought after 10 yrs I was able to move on. That talk was merely catching up like from a long lost friend. He insisted to meet but I refused because I am putting my husband into consideration. After that I stopped our communication and went on with my life. 5 yrs after, my marriage with my husband is going downhill. We even talked about divorce coz its going nowhere. The verbal and emotional abuse I get from my husband since the first yr of our marriage has made me decide to divorce him. Even my mom agrees with it after she saw how he abuse me and the hurt Im going through. my husband only said that if divorce is the only way to make things right then lets do it. 3 months now my husband and I doesnt sleep in the same room after that. I am thinking about what to do. Then I talked to my ex, and till now we communicate. He doesnt know my problem. We just talk about his problem and the old times. My husband is now "making things work" for us. But I bet even when our fights stop and make our relationship okay I will still feel empty deep inside me. And not to mention he is fond of the abuse, he might do it over again.
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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

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Posted by starlover
Are you being abused Cancermon?



Yes, emotionally and verbally. And his words makes me nuts. Whenever I address to him things that we need to fix in our relationship, he turns to defensive mode and give back the blame on me. He will talk non stop and not mind of what I say. When it's my turn to talk and explain he will be mad and shout if its not nice to his ears. When the talk turns to heated argument he will walk away while i am still crying and will say you are crazy go see a doctor. Im unhappy with him and starting to be unhappy with my life as well. He is emotionally absent. He will sleep when i weep. When our family is on a vacation he will show his disinterest that will ruin my mood. He talks bad to my eldest and punish her everytime she has mistake. To think that he has never spend quality time to kids and when he sees them he will strike even to the dumbest thing his kid has done. Which is so painful for me to see as their mom. I think this person doesnt have a heart. But lately things changed, when i started to ignore him and all his shit. This i was able to do because i was talking to my ex. I never had the courage to fight for my self. Maybe thats the reason he always abuse me.
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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

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Posted by tiziani
I was kidding about the Aries thing but if you're in an abusive relationship that's serious business. You want to go somewhere where you can think more clearly and remove yourself from the toxic parts




Its ok! I know im not saint either. But in this relationship i bacame so honest, loyal, nurturing and loving. That i think he doesnt deserve. Things I didnt do to my ex after he loved me with all of his soul. I think my husband doesnt appreciate me to make me so miserable like this.

In my marriage I was challenged to fix us because I love my family and doesnt want it to be broken. Until I figured I was fixing it 15 yrs now. We are not compatible. I dont believe in broken marriage, my mom has taught me to be strong staying with the relationship, but it's only damaging my psyche.

The funny thing, my kids and I are moving away from my husband for business reason, and that country is where my ex lives. Wow! Funny how life becomes so complicated.
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Octoberbaby91
@Octoberbaby91
11 Years1,000+ PostsScorpio

Comments: 17 · Posts: 1335 · Topics: 35
1. Be responsible for your actions what ever it is making you unhappy you have the POWER to change it so don't come with stories that caused you to "contact an ex" to validate your actions.

2. If your husband is abusing you rither divorce him or go to marriage counseling but getting another man involve is lack of control.

3. You showing your ex 15 years later you still are a cheater not a good look he dodged a bullet to be honest.

4. You need to do some shadow work this isn't about them this is about why you keep making the same mistakes you need to learn one of your universal lessons.

5. Stop playing around with karma.
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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

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Posted by DwellingOnMove
Cancermoon041181,

you are a vivid factory of complications. You must be an engery ball like the sun.

An obvious example : this talk here.
What are you doing here? Trying to smoothen your complications? convince people here? buy luck at dxp shop?

Sun Aries 22.04 conj. Mars Aries 19.59 conj. Venus Aries 23.16 oppos. Pluto Libra 23.00 R
Mercury Aries 6.24 oppos. Saturn Libra 5.13 R conj. Jupiter Libra 3.23 R

Youu'll do what you do in the moment you do.
What are your forethoughts to bring? They contradict your luck: merc op. Jup.

Let it be.



What do you mean? Is my placement really contradicting? Please help me! I just want answers, what ever it is.
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DwellingOnMove
@DwellingOnMove
16 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 305 · Posts: 14219 · Topics: 239
Posted by Cancermoon041181
Posted by DwellingOnMove
...

Youu'll do what you do in the moment you do.
What are your forethoughts to bring? They contradict your luck: merc op. Jup....



What do you mean? Is my placement really contradicting? Please help me! I just want answers, what ever it is.
click to expand


You feel the power to be strong for your life. With your actions. You are an activist. Impulsive and fast.
Sun Aries 22.04 conj. Mars Aries 19.59 conj. Venus Aries 23.16 oppos. Pluto Libra 23.00 R.

Mercury says how you think, rationalize and communicate. It's in the sign of bold Aries. You are direct.
Mercury Aries 6.24
But it opposes your sense of Structure, discipline, commitment values. By Saturn Libra 5.13 R.
Your logic also opposes your luck and your expansion by Jupiter Libra 3.23 R.

So whatever you do, with whomever you are in a relationship, you brings lots of complications. And are your own enemy.

Also your Moon in cancer might have some squares to Venus and Mars and Sun and whatever.

My suggestions would be try to live with these contradiction. Take lead (NN in Leo) and help others have a better life. For you yourself I see little hope. You may never feel what a wonderful life you have.

The feeling is distorted.
Give us the time of birth or the moon degree if you know it already.
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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

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Posted by Impulsv
Posted by Cancermoon041181
Posted by tiziani
I was kidding about the Aries thing but if you're in an abusive relationship that's serious business. You want to go somewhere where you can think more clearly and remove yourself from the toxic parts




Its ok! I know im not saint either. But in this relationship i bacame so honest, loyal, nurturing and loving. That i think he doesnt deserve. Things I didnt do to my ex after he loved me with all of his soul. I think my husband doesnt appreciate me to make me so miserable like this.

In my marriage I was challenged to fix us because I love my family and doesnt want it to be broken. Until I figured I was fixing it 15 yrs now. We are not compatible. I dont believe in broken marriage, my mom has taught me to be strong staying with the relationship, but it's only damaging my psyche.

The funny thing, my kids and I are moving away from my husband for business reason, and that country is where my ex lives. Wow! Funny how life becomes so complicated.


Nope u make it complicated.
So now ull repeat same pattern is this what ur going to show the victim of ur cheating. That you haven't changed.maybe his relationship is falling apart in he will engage with you,but will he be able trust u after—
click to expand




No I wont cheat with my husband. I am not that kind of person all of you think. That's why I am so devastated because I never imagined to have a broken family. I cant accept it. But I have to leave him for now, because our differences cannot be resolved. He doesnt even plan for our family's future. He knows about my depression but does nothing abt it, he
Would even add stress. I became like that because of him. He treats me like hell whenever we have a fight. He is the biggest stressor of my life. Tell me if this person deserves a loving home? And when we dont fight he is mentally absent, focused with all the shit that has nothing to do with his family. When I leave I'll continue to seek theraphy and make decisions after that.

Yes I said I cheated on my ex bf before, but we have broken up weeks already before I have a new one. For him I cheated because he was fixing himself and is comming back to me. He begged for me and waited
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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

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Posted by Rambunctious76
Posted by Cancermoon041181
Well, you got the best question here. Honestly this is what I am asking myself as well. Trying to figure everything out. That's why I'm asking for "help." I don't know what to do that will give me peace. And if I had made up my mind I wont be asking questions like this.

Posted by e11e
you already made up your mind....

Posted by Cancermoon041181
What's the compatibility between these signs:

Male Sagittarius sun virgo moon (12/17/81)
Female Aries sun cancer moon
(4/11/81)
Female Virgo sun virgo moon
(8/24/79)

I am the aries sun female in love with my ex bf sagittarius male but he's in a relationship with the virgo female. I wanna know who is more compatible to whom and what's their relationship like.



so, you cheated on this boyfriend and now you are going to cheat on your husband.

not to mention, you want to know what the ex's relationship is with his wife.

what the hell is wrong with you?



Stay the fuck away from your ex.

You have no business knowing the compatibility between him and his wife. IT'S NONE OF YO BUSINESS!

You can process your thoughts and feelings about him without having to meet him.

If he insists on meeting, say you're bringing your husband along and encourage him to bring his wife too.

Don't be an idiot, create new wounds and reopen old ones. Especially for the sake of his wife and your husband.
click to expand





I did tell him to bring his wife before like 5 yrs ago. He said it can't happen. My marriage then was already rocky but I have no intention of ruining it much more. I stopped communicating wd him after that.

His wife now is actually the one he replaced me with. I let go of him totally coz I thought he was already happy with her. I waited 4 yrs for him but maybe he is still too angry I replaced him too soon before, he never looked back and totally shut me out. So I married my husband and they married after. We both lived our lives and learned later on that both of us are not happy in our marriage. He doesnt know I have a marriage problem coz it will only make things more complicated. He thou
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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

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Posted by Rambunctious76
Posted by Gemi9
Posted by Cancermoon041181
Please help me! I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I lost contact with my ex bf 15 years ago after I cheated on him and made him so devastated. I beg for his forgiveness but he never looked back. He shut me out. So, I went on with my life have married and had 2 kids, he also got married 2 yrs after and got 2 kids also. My hubby is not so good to me lately making me so depressed. Out of hopelessness I contacted my ex, and for some weird reason we have communication again. I have unresolved issues with him and I miss him badly. He wants us to meet but I refused. I'm so scared to feel the pain all over again. Do I have to meet him and finish the unresolved issues? Cause we didn't have a closure when we part. Right now my hubby is doing all the effort of fixing our relationship. But he has reached my limit, because of him I am going to a theraphy.



And now not popular opinion:
Of course you have to meet and see where it is going to go.
If your husband driven you into mental state - go find yourself someone who wont.



And what about the ex's wife? Does she not matter in this equation?

The Op hasn't said whether or not his wife is is treating him badly.

PLEASE DO NOT MISTAKE YOUR ISSUES FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S ISSUES.

RESOLVE YOUR OWN FIRST BEFORE YOU GIVE ADVICE TO OTHERS.
click to expand





My ex was too brokenhearted when she got him. So, she kept him away from me. Leaving me alone and not had the chance to explain my side. We didn't have a closure. Now my ex confessed he wasn't happy with her. They we're already cold at each other for years. She is the complete opposite of me maybe that's why they aren't compatible. This is what happens when you are too young, too immature and too impatient. You will lost the only love you will ever know in your life. That's both on our part coz we have too much pride that killed the love we have for each other. Recalling my life before we were too happy in our 4 yrs. of relationship. there weren't any problem but our stupid pride and my stupidity.
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krysrenee7
@krysrenee7
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You don't need his permission to get closure.

You don't need your ex's speeches or phone calls or apologies or explanations on what REALLY went down in the past, to get the closure you need. He's not in charge of whether or not you get closure & can move on...you are.

Never again let yourself go almost 2 decades refusing to move on. Most people don't actually get closure...and if they do, it's probably not in the form they wanted to receive it. Sometimes closure is time...enough time away from that person to the point where it finally allows you to think more clearly & logically about just how vital it is that you move on.

Move on. He wasn't the one. Sometimes there will be people & things that you'll never understand no matter how much micromanage or overanalyze them to death...sometimes you can't make sense out of nonsense. Sometimes you just have to get over yourself, put on your big girl panties, let go of the emotional jail bars & make the DECISION to move on.

Your ex isn't driving you crazy. You & your inability to give yourself permission to move on is driving you crazy.

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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

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Posted by krysrenee7
You don't need his permission to get closure.

You don't need your ex's speeches or phone calls or apologies or explanations on what REALLY went down in the past, to get the closure you need. He's not in charge of whether or not you get closure & can move on...you are.

Never again let yourself go almost 2 decades refusing to move on. Most people don't actually get closure...and if they do, it's probably not in the form they wanted to receive it. Sometimes closure is time...enough time away from that person to the point where it finally allows you to think more clearly & logically about just how vital it is that you move on.

Move on. He wasn't the one. Sometimes there will be people & things that you'll never understand no matter how much micromanage or overanalyze them to death...sometimes you can't make sense out of nonsense. Sometimes you just have to get over yourself, put on your big girl panties, let go of the emotional jail bars & make the DECISION to move on.

Your ex isn't driving you crazy. You & your inability to give yourself permission to move on is driving you crazy.




Thank you so much for your advice. I have done it and moved on decade ago. When they had their relationship I gave them space and went out of the picture. I made myself invisible to them, it's like I died and never been seen. I moved on little by little, finished college and got married. When I had my first child that was the start of my healing. Then years passed by, my life with my husband was not perfect to start with but it was okay. I've forgotten my ex already and everything about him. My husband would abuse me now and then but we managed to be together and I stayed strong believing he would change. 2010 my husband made the worst abuse he can ever do to me. My eldest was terrified. That's the start of my respect to him slowly being gone. He will abuse and say sorry after, then I will forgive him. That's our scenario since the first yr of our marriage. I got fed up. Now my problem is my husband and me having feelings with my ex.
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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

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Posted by Rambunctious76
"But I have to leave him for now, because our differences cannot be resolved. He doesnt even plan for our family's future. He knows about my depression but does nothing abt it, he
Would even add stress. I became like that because of him. He treats me like hell whenever we have a fight. He is the biggest stressor of my life. Tell me if this person deserves a loving home? And when we dont fight he is mentally absent, focused with all the butter that has nothing to do with his family. When I leave I'll continue to seek theraphy and make decisions after that."

Op, do you know your Venus and Mars placements?

It's good that you're seeking professional help to help you cope with the confusion. You should continue doing it, if you ever leave him, and keep yourself out of the equation for awhile before you tackle your issues with your ex.

Don't mix up the issues you have with your husband with the issues you have with your ex.

Recover from one first, then tackle the other when you're feeling 100% .

Sometimes as Aries we tend to get clouded by emotions, and seeing your moon in cancer, you're probably VERY overwhelmed by your emotions. It's never a good thing to go into battle half-blind.



I think venus and mars is also aries but I'm not sure. I don't know what it means though. My husband and I already talked. This is actually the first time we didn't fight about talking our problems over. He always stay away from confrontation coz he is a very defensive person. Well, standing for my self really is helpful. We are giving each other space.
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LetltB
@LetltB
12 Years5,000+ Posts

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Posted by Cancermoon041181
Posted by starlover
Are you being abused Cancermon?



Yes, emotionally and verbally. And his words makes me nuts. Whenever I address to him things that we need to fix in our relationship, he turns to defensive mode and give back the blame on me.



That's not what you said in the first post... however, that's classic here in dxp. Some people aren't validating you, so go with the "abuse" at all costs to get sympathy.


Posted by Cancermoon041181

Right now my hubby is doing all the effort of fixing our relationship. But he has reached my limit, because of him I am going to a theraphy.
click to expand





Liars are really bad at lying. Using abuse and running with it at mid thread when someone else brought the word up was a fail too. 😐
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LetltB
@LetltB
12 Years5,000+ Posts

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Posted by Cancermoon041181

The funny thing, my kids and I are moving away from my husband for business reason, and that country is where my ex lives. Wow! Funny how life becomes so complicated.



WOW...go figure!

So basically with this knowledge, you are here looking for just one poster to pat you on the back and the words "go for it". Why is that? Because your therapist is telling you to work on your marriage?

This entire thread is equivalent to a pile of bullshit. Knock off the victim syndrome. It's pathetic and not working at all. Unbelievable..
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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

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Posted by LetltB
Posted by Cancermoon041181
Posted by starlover
Are you being abused Cancermon?



Yes, emotionally and verbally. And his words makes me nuts. Whenever I address to him things that we need to fix in our relationship, he turns to defensive mode and give back the blame on me.



That's not what you said in the first post... however, that's classic here in dxp. Some people aren't validating you, so go with the "abuse" at all costs to get sympathy.


Posted by Cancermoon041181

Right now my hubby is doing all the effort of fixing our relationship. But he has reached my limit, because of him I am going to a theraphy.




Liars are really bad at lying. Using abuse and running with it at mid thread when someone else brought the word up was a fail too. 😐
click to expand




You do understand that ones life story cannot be told in just 1 pharagraph right? First I came here for advice coz im suffering from depression and had nobody to talk to about my problems. So, I dont care about peoples symphathy coz thats not what I need! Symphathy wont free me and help me getout of what Im undergoing right now. I dont care if you dont believe what I said. Besides youre not giving me advice, you are being judgemental! Geez! And if I am a liar and just need symphathy, I wouldn't have said I cheated in the first place! I want them to give me advice objectively. What an idiotic person you are. I think you're the one who needs to go to a therapist for your attitude problem! Just so you know, all their advice in this thread have helped me to think things carefully. The first day I did the thread I was so down. Right now I have gained enough strength and have been thinking straight. That's what you do when people ask for "HELP" and not put them even lower with your stupid comments from your demonic mouth. Why? Did you suffer from the same issue of cheating? Coz I dont know where youre coming from. Maybe you do the backreading first so you will get enlightened before even opening your mouth.
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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

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Posted by Rambunctious76
As i said before, you need to keep your issues separate.

Your issues with your husband and your issues with your ex.

You need to settle your issues with your husband first.



That's what I did. And it is easier like that thank you. You know why I am so hurt and depressed? It's not just because of my husband, but because I can't seem to understand why I haven't freed myself from my ex. It's been 15 years ago and I am still here, while others have moved on. I am blaming myself for all the bad decision I made in my life. Maybe if I waited longer than 4 yrs for him or maybe if I made the first move of asking him about his feelings for me before even marrying another guy. Maybe things are not so complicated like now. I am a coward. Too many problems goin on in my head now. I need to address them 1 by 1.
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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 48 · Topics: 5
Posted by LetltB
Posted by Cancermoon041181
Posted by starlover
Are you being abused Cancermon?



Yes, emotionally and verbally. And his words makes me nuts. Whenever I address to him things that we need to fix in our relationship, he turns to defensive mode and give back the blame on me.



That's not what you said in the first post... however, that's classic here in dxp. Some people aren't validating you, so go with the "abuse" at all costs to get sympathy.


Posted by Cancermoon041181

Right now my hubby is doing all the effort of fixing our relationship. But he has reached my limit, because of him I am going to a theraphy.




Liars are really bad at lying. Using abuse and running with it at mid thread when someone else brought the word up was a fail too. 😐
click to expand





How the heck do you know I am not being abused?? Do you wanna trade place with me for a while so I can get a break from this shit? What's the big deal with sympathy anyway? Are you the one who needs it? Well I am a very sympathetic person if you need some. Omg! I cant help to troll. I feel like i am talking to a first grader.
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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 48 · Topics: 5
Posted by munchykin
Posted by Cancermoon041181


My relationship with my husband is really not happy. A lot is missing. We don't connect emotionally and he is rude towards me. He has a lot of good points but the bad he does outweighs them. I feel empty deep inside. I love him but he doesn't pay attention to me and resolve the problem. I did everything for him and our family. I am so nurturing to them that I forgot myself. I'm really lost and depressed right now. You're right that my mind is going back to my ex. We were happier then. We were just too young and immature to save our ideal relationship that's been ruined because of our pride. He said he is not happy with his wife. Last 5 yrs ago he already asked for me to meet him but I also refused. I don't even know what this meeting is about for him. I am also willing to tell my therapist about cutting the ties with my ex because the feeling I have right now is really hard. 2 problems I'm trying to resolve. Do I need to tell my ex about my marriage problem or will I look pathetic? I am happy there's this forum because I haven't told anyone of my problems since the breakup with my ex 15 yrs ago. I kept everything hidden in me cause I thought I can handle it by myself. Now My strength is collapsing due to all of my problems. Lately i am too vulnerable from hurt feelings and it sucks. I just want to be okay and move on and be done with everything.

Thanks for your advice..



Stop making excuses.

If you're not happy, match his efforts to work on your marriage. Or get a divorce.

That guy needs to do the same. And unless you both divorce from your spouses, stay away from each other.

If you do anything other than what I just told you, then you'll have only yourself to blame for all the ensuing drama.
click to expand




I am not making excuses. I am stating what happened. The shocking thing with my husband, he is trying to reach for me "just now!" Why only now? Why after years of begging him to understand me, why only now? What is he thinking? Does he need to see me crazy first before he respond? Heck him, I still need my space. Coz if I accept him now, it is also accepting the hurt and wrong things he has done. After I stand up to him things has changed, I am in control of my life again. I love my husband and my family. But I love
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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 48 · Topics: 5
Posted by truecap
She'll still prefer to waller in her misery and seek sympathy.



Really? Sympathy again?! Hahaha! I just want to laugh! Another epic fail critic! And a waste of space on my thread. I have explained to your comment on my post you know. But you did not reply. Instead, you waited for another of your kind, and like a bully you attack. You dont care to help but you care to be a bi.t.ch?? What are you 2nd grader??
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Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 48 · Topics: 5
Posted by truecap
She's a cancer. She's going to waller in her misery and whine in her unhapppiness. She won't do anything to fix the problem except try to gain sympathy.

I say this because one of my BFFs is a cancer and that is what she does.



Really?! Put me in a box now?! I am not a cancer I am an aries! I have been fixing my problem on my own since day 1. I am a very strong person since I remember. Problems has made me weak but never did I ask for sympathy coz it will never help me solve my problems anyway. One time in your life you will be down, I hope you will never experience the suffering I did.

Freak! Now you're comparing me to your bff—?? 😕
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