Cancermoon041181
@Cancermoon041181
10 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 48 · Topics: 5
HELP! Ex boyfriend of 15 years is making me CRAZY! (Page 2)
You are on page out of 2 | Reverse Order
Your ex can't save you from the misery of your abusive husband/marriage. And even if he saves or distracts you temporarily, things won't work out. You know this. So let's take 'maybe' out of the vocabulary & instead replace it with 'never.'
With that being said...
Your backbone will save you. He or anyone else is not a substitute for your own backbone. Stop running from yourself. YOU can save you. But you've got to stop making excuses for him & yourself...you've gotta start being more honest about the real problem so that finding a doable solution is likely...you've gotta stop internalizing what's actually killing you to internalize.
The worst thing you can ever do is abandon yourself to go look for something from others that you could've given yourself in order to get through a storm.
You'd be so much more happy if you weren't so afraid of yourself.
With that being said...
Your backbone will save you. He or anyone else is not a substitute for your own backbone. Stop running from yourself. YOU can save you. But you've got to stop making excuses for him & yourself...you've gotta start being more honest about the real problem so that finding a doable solution is likely...you've gotta stop internalizing what's actually killing you to internalize.
The worst thing you can ever do is abandon yourself to go look for something from others that you could've given yourself in order to get through a storm.
You'd be so much more happy if you weren't so afraid of yourself.
Posted by Rambunctious76Posted by Cancermoon041181
Stay the fuck away from your ex.
You have no business knowing the compatibility between him and his wife. IT'S NONE OF YO BUSINESS!
You can process your thoughts and feelings about him without having to meet him.
If he insists on meeting, say you're bringing your husband along and encourage him to bring his wife too.
Don't be an idiot, create new wounds and reopen old ones. Especially for the sake of his wife and your husband.click to expand
I wanna know, cause I cant seem to figure out why they stayed in the relationship if they were not compatible, and while I was there waiting. He knows I wasn't married yet that time. I waited 4 long years for him. I wonder if it's not long enough for him to forgive me? Or should've I waited much longer?
Is he just having his pride?
Cause after my friends told him I married 1 month ago then, he called me. He said why did I rush, and he wants us to meet. But for me it is over and done. I am already married and meeting him wont make sense anymore.
Posted by krysrenee7
Your ex can't save you from the misery of your abusive husband/marriage. And even if he saves or distracts you temporarily, things won't work out. You know this. So let's take 'maybe' out of the vocabulary & instead replace it with 'never.'
With that being said...
Your backbone will save you. He or anyone else is not a substitute for your own backbone. Stop running from yourself. YOU can save you. But you've got to stop making excuses for him & yourself...you've gotta start being more honest about the real problem so that finding a doable solution is likely...you've gotta stop internalizing what's actually killing you to internalize.
The worst thing you can ever do is abandon yourself to go look for something from others that you could've given yourself in order to get through a storm.
You'd be so much more happy if you weren't so afraid of yourself.
I know!! I hate my self for being so afraid to tell what I really feel even to anyone. I will just pretend that it's okay. I didn't know I was putting too much weight to my mental state already. Even to family and friends who have hurt me, I will show my strong face and move forward. I have never told anyone of what I really feel. Maybe because I know deep inside I am vulnerable to hurt from the ones I truly care about. But with my husband, why is he so unreachable? I put down all my walls, I loved him, but he stayed tough and never showed his true feelings to me. His walls are all up. After we talked, we came to an understanding of how to handle each other. This is hard coz what I want is hard for him to do and what he wants is hard for me do to as well. I am giving him a chance but I promise to myself he can never abuse me again.
You know what, my ex is a very gentle person. 4 yrs we're together he haven't done even the slightest abuse my husband ever did to me. So now you know why my mind is going back to him. I replaced him with another guy coz he was having pride too that time and I was young and immature, and the guy I was with was persistent. but the rest in our relationship with my ex was smooth sailing and happy. I wonder how can I be happy just with my self and not looking for it to anyone.
Posted by DwellingOnMovePosted by Cancermoon041181Posted by DwellingOnMove
... Jupiter Libra 3.23 R
Saturn Libra 5.13 R
Uranus Scorpio 29.30 R
Neptune Sagittarius 24.48 R
Pluto Libra 23.00 R...
Lol! I know nothing much about astrology but sun and moon signs only. ...
I'm not an expert either. I only happen to know a few things more.click to expand
So what do you think about my placement? Why I can't control my emotions and why do I hide my feelings sometimes.
"Why I can't control my emotions and why do I hide my feelings sometimes."
cancer moon.
+
aries pride
not?
cancer moon.
+
aries pride
not?
Posted by DwellingOnMove
I asked her to give us the degree of her Moon. Yet no answer so far.
I don't know about the moon degree though. My knowledge in astrology is very general. I tell you, I only learned about moon signs here in dxpnet. That was the only time I understood about my emotion. Sry for late reply.
Posted by Rambunctious76Posted by Cancermoon041181Posted by Rambunctious76
That's why I mentioned about getting blinded by emotions - that conflicting sun/moon combo, especially if your moon is in cancer.
What is your sun/moon combo? My husband is a moon in leo, libra sun. Moon in leo is the most insensitive for cancer moon. How about that lol!
I'm an Aries Sun/Scorpio moon, but my mother has the same sun/moon combo as you (Aries/Cancer).
Jesus, you're married to a Libra too—
But yeah I could see the direction you were going, cos I see it in my mum as well. The "can't let go" syndrome.click to expand
How is your mother like? Did she have any relationship with a libra or leo moon? Yeah can't let go lol!
Posted by Rambunctious76
I have a question -
When you and your husband sit down together to discuss your issues with each other, do you feel frantic and anxious? Do you tend to raise your voice to be heard?
Yes. That was before. He monopolizes the conversation you know.
Posted by DwellingOnMovePosted by Cancermoon041181Posted by DwellingOnMove
I asked her to give us the degree of her Moon. Yet no answer so far.
I don't know about the moon degree though. My knowledge in astrology is very general. I tell you, I only learned about moon signs here in dxpnet. That was the only time I understood about my emotion. Sry for late reply.
The degree is the number beside the sign.
For example if I use Cafeastrology for your chart and birth place Europe and birth time 13:13 I get 21.30 for the degree of Cancer Moon.
Sun Aries 21.29
Moon Cancer 21.30
Mercury Aries 5.22
and so on.click to expand
Degree of my moon - moon cancer 17.28
So, when are you moving into your ex-boyfriends town?
Let the kids go with their father, because surely you will screw them up once you spread your legs to the ex. They don't deserve to be around someone who isn't able to teach them right from wrong. They will end up just like you.
Future posts: "my ex-boyfriend abused meeeeeeee" 😭
Let the kids go with their father, because surely you will screw them up once you spread your legs to the ex. They don't deserve to be around someone who isn't able to teach them right from wrong. They will end up just like you.
Future posts: "my ex-boyfriend abused meeeeeeee" 😭
Posted by Cancermoon041181Posted by truecap
She'll still prefer to waller in her misery and seek sympathy.
Really? Sympathy again?! Hahaha! I just want to laugh! Another epic fail critic! And a waste of space on my thread. I have explained to your comment on my post you know. But you did not reply. Instead, you waited for another of your kind, and like a bully you attack. You dont care to help but you care to be a bi.t.ch?? What are you 2nd grader??click to expand
I did offer my honest advice. I said the ex is a fantasy of things when you were happy, though you actually weren't happy when you were with him. You've built the ex up in your head as someone who would make you happy. I suggested that you've given up even though your husband is trying. I asked how he could be abusive while he was trying. You didn't aknowledge and answer exactly how he is abusive to you. You continued to justify your reaching out to the ex. So, I had no other choice but to assume you really didn't want help, thus you just either want to waller in your misery instead of taking action or you wanted validation to reach out to the ex.
I'm glad this thread helped you. Every comment gives you a perspective on how things can be perceived from a different viewpoint. That's beneficial even if some of the viewpoints you get are not your own.
Posted by Cancermoon041181Posted by truecap
She's a cancer. She's going to waller in her misery and whine in her unhapppiness. She won't do anything to fix the problem except try to gain sympathy.
I say this because one of my BFFs is a cancer and that is what she does.
Really?! Put me in a box now?! I am not a cancer I am an aries! I have been fixing my problem on my own since day 1. I am a very strong person since I remember. Problems has made me weak but never did I ask for sympathy coz it will never help me solve my problems anyway. One time in your life you will be down, I hope you will never experience the suffering I did.
Freak! Now you're comparing me to your bff—?? 😕click to expand
Yes, at one point in my life I was down. My exhusband cheated on me blatantly with a woman who pretended to be my friend. Then, when i asked for divorce they created so much drama that I couldn't think straight. You'd think I was the one that had the affair by the way they acted. They were vengeful, hateful, full of threats, caused us to become the town gossip. So, yes, I've been down because my husband chose to have an affair. My whole world turned upside down, so forgive me if I can't support you pulling another man into your marriage with little regard to how his wife feels, how his children feel and how your own husband and children feel. You're on your way to breaking up TWO homes. So, yah, I suggest you keep your problems within your own marriage. Leave your ex'es out of it.
Posted by capricornmoon
I think the root of the issue, the crux of your extreme anxiety is that you married the wrong man. But nobody can see the future, so don't be so hard on yourself. Another but, I wouldn't wish an affair on my worst enemy. Like that Kanye song,"it was all good just a week ago" until shiiit hits the fan, affairs bring bad karma and bad consequences into your life. Cheating caused you to lose what could possibly be your soulmate? And now you're tempted to cheat on your husband? Step back a minute and envision all the future terrible scenarios that could arise from what you are about to do. At the very least, if your ex boyfriends's wife finds out, she will beat your ass or worse humiliate you at work, surprise visit to your home, your husband.
Yes, I thought about that too. Though I wanted to kick his wife's ass 15 yrs ago, for not allowing me to speak to my ex for the last time, I still know I'm not in the position, much worst now. I can't accept to my self that I married the wrong man.
It's really hard, but I am gonna give him this last chance to fix us. At least now, I already learned how to stand up for my self.
Thanks for your advice.
Posted by LetltB
So, when are you moving into your ex-boyfriends town?
Let the kids go with their father, because surely you will screw them up once you spread your legs to the ex. They don't deserve to be around someone who isn't able to teach them right from wrong. They will end up just like you.
Future posts: "my ex-boyfriend abused meeeeeeee" 😭
You're joking right? Not all women are the same as you are who will spread their legs anytime they want. I was raised conservatively by my parents, that's where I get my values from. If I wanted to screw up my marriage I wouldn't be here in the first place. Maybe I am lost but I will never ever do stupid things for my self. My husband is the first man I ever had slept with, so tell me how is that easy? Don't compare my values/culture to yours.
Posted by truecapPosted by Cancermoon041181Posted by truecap
She'll still prefer to waller in her misery and seek sympathy.
I did offer my honest advice. I said the ex is a fantasy of things when you were happy, though you actually weren't happy when you were with him. You've built the ex up in your head as someone who would make you happy. I suggested that you've given up even though your husband is trying. I asked how he could be abusive while he was trying. You didn't aknowledge and answer exactly how he is abusive to you. You continued to justify your reaching out to the ex. So, I had no other choice but to assume you really didn't want help, thus you just either want to waller in your misery instead of taking action or you wanted validation to reach out to the ex.
I'm glad this thread helped you. Every comment gives you a perspective on how things can be perceived from a different viewpoint. That's beneficial even if some of the viewpoints you get are not your own.click to expand
Maybe I said I've given up to my husband, but If you've experienced what I had you will give up too. He is abusive since our first year. And if he is trying "just now" doesn't mean he hasn't been abusive. 10 yrs now before he finally stop doing it? Do you understand that somehow I became mental because of my husband?? I cant comprehend how a husband will marry his wife just to make her suffer. Why marry in the 1st place.
Just because your husband cheated on you doesn't mean you can judge me like that. We have different situation. And if you would back read about the "cheating" thing, I said there I replaced my ex 2 weeks after we broke up. He broke up wd me. So basically we are not in the relationship anymore when I did that. To my ex he labelled it cheating coz he was planning to get me back.
See, don't put your emotions like that. I am sorry for what happened to you but dont label people becoz you thought everybody is the same. Besides, my ex is not courting me or has not even asked me anything about us being together. My thread is all about my "feelings for him" right now. I still have feelings for him after 15 yrs that everybody has moved on while I am still here. Do you think I am happy like that? So don't assu
@ truecap
Maybe I said I've given up to my husband, but If you've experienced what I had you will give up too. He is abusive since our first year. And if he is trying "just now" doesn't mean he hasn't been abusive. 10 yrs now before he finally stop doing it? Do you understand that somehow I became mental because of my husband?? I cant comprehend how a husband will marry his wife just to make her suffer. Why marry in the 1st place.
Just because your husband cheated on you doesn't mean you can judge me like that. We have different situation. And if you would back read about the "cheating" thing, I said there I replaced my ex 2 weeks after we broke up. He broke up wd me. So basically we are not in the relationship anymore when I did that. To my ex he labelled it cheating coz he was planning to get me back.
See, don't put your emotions like that. I am sorry for what happened to you but dont label people becoz you thought everybody is the same. Besides, my ex is not courting me or has not even asked me anything about us being together. My thread is all about my "feelings for him" right now. I still have feelings for him after 15 yrs that everybody has moved on while I am still here. Do you think I am happy like that? So don't assume. I will tell my story of abuse later after I'm done taking care of my kids. My time is Not all mine. Mind you answering this from my phone is painstakingly time consuming so be patient please.
Maybe I said I've given up to my husband, but If you've experienced what I had you will give up too. He is abusive since our first year. And if he is trying "just now" doesn't mean he hasn't been abusive. 10 yrs now before he finally stop doing it? Do you understand that somehow I became mental because of my husband?? I cant comprehend how a husband will marry his wife just to make her suffer. Why marry in the 1st place.
Just because your husband cheated on you doesn't mean you can judge me like that. We have different situation. And if you would back read about the "cheating" thing, I said there I replaced my ex 2 weeks after we broke up. He broke up wd me. So basically we are not in the relationship anymore when I did that. To my ex he labelled it cheating coz he was planning to get me back.
See, don't put your emotions like that. I am sorry for what happened to you but dont label people becoz you thought everybody is the same. Besides, my ex is not courting me or has not even asked me anything about us being together. My thread is all about my "feelings for him" right now. I still have feelings for him after 15 yrs that everybody has moved on while I am still here. Do you think I am happy like that? So don't assume. I will tell my story of abuse later after I'm done taking care of my kids. My time is Not all mine. Mind you answering this from my phone is painstakingly time consuming so be patient please.
@ Rambunctious76
Yes, I suggest to him too that we need to go to a marriage counselor, and he is willing. But I'm afraid we don't have much money to spend for that. My therapy hasn't started yet though, and it is covered by our insurance.
I see a lot of changes now after our serious talk the other day. He started to take me seriously now. The good thing, we are not debating anymore, And my children are so happy. I think we still have hope.
this indeed is the darkest and saddest part of my life. I hope I can get through this quickly.
Yes, I suggest to him too that we need to go to a marriage counselor, and he is willing. But I'm afraid we don't have much money to spend for that. My therapy hasn't started yet though, and it is covered by our insurance.
I see a lot of changes now after our serious talk the other day. He started to take me seriously now. The good thing, we are not debating anymore, And my children are so happy. I think we still have hope.
this indeed is the darkest and saddest part of my life. I hope I can get through this quickly.
@ truecap
Yes, I have read your comment and put in mind. lots of replies on my post and I've been trying my best to respond to each.
So, here's how he abused me..
When I was giving birth to my 1st child, I was at the act of pushing the baby, my husband asked for a lil break and he napped! Hey! I was pushing the baby for 2 hrs already and I cannot nap! Weird right?! Doesn't he have any adrenaline gland for emergency?
I was breastfeeding my baby, don't know why I was crying and I've been too tired, baby was only a month old, I asked my husband to help me, to my surprise he took the baby to the 2nd floor room and let her cry there alone by her self. What an a.s.s!!
2nd-10th yr of our marriage that's where he became a full grown ass.O he is always irritated at home, esp. to me, 'cause when I tell him there's some things he is not doing for us, he will feel bad, act like he is being accused and turn to defensive mode, he will talk like crazy and leave, instead of fixing it. So what I'll do is just cry, alone. Sometimes he will go back and talk endlessly, his words are so mean! he will accuse and if I answer and he doesn't like it he will get mad and if I don't talk he will also get mad! There's no more sense to reason when he is mad. We've been also reported by our neighbor in our apartment 'coz when he is mad he used to slam doors and walls are shaking. He breaks things too. He is scary. I think I have mastered not arguing back at him 'coz I'm scared he throw those things on me.
This is our scenario for a long time.
He used to yell to my oldest baby like crazy, baby is 3 yrs old then, when I came to her rescue he will argue wd me. Omg that's just a baby! Imagine how he treats an innocent child?! He thought he is being disrespected with his 3y/o child. He hits her too.
One time my mom visits us, he will show his arrogant attitude towards her even though my mom has paid lots of our bills, rent bills and helped us a lot. This was when I had the 2nd baby and mom needs to stay in our house 'coz she needs to take care of me. she's from another country. my mom is a very patient and soft spoken person. He even showed my mom his ugly attitude and how he abuse me. Because of that my mom doesn't wanna come back to visit us again.
There's a lot more. His attitude is very nasty even towards her own mom. I just wonder why she is allowing him to disrespect her like that.
Yes, I have read your comment and put in mind. lots of replies on my post and I've been trying my best to respond to each.
So, here's how he abused me..
When I was giving birth to my 1st child, I was at the act of pushing the baby, my husband asked for a lil break and he napped! Hey! I was pushing the baby for 2 hrs already and I cannot nap! Weird right?! Doesn't he have any adrenaline gland for emergency?
I was breastfeeding my baby, don't know why I was crying and I've been too tired, baby was only a month old, I asked my husband to help me, to my surprise he took the baby to the 2nd floor room and let her cry there alone by her self. What an a.s.s!!
2nd-10th yr of our marriage that's where he became a full grown ass.O he is always irritated at home, esp. to me, 'cause when I tell him there's some things he is not doing for us, he will feel bad, act like he is being accused and turn to defensive mode, he will talk like crazy and leave, instead of fixing it. So what I'll do is just cry, alone. Sometimes he will go back and talk endlessly, his words are so mean! he will accuse and if I answer and he doesn't like it he will get mad and if I don't talk he will also get mad! There's no more sense to reason when he is mad. We've been also reported by our neighbor in our apartment 'coz when he is mad he used to slam doors and walls are shaking. He breaks things too. He is scary. I think I have mastered not arguing back at him 'coz I'm scared he throw those things on me.
This is our scenario for a long time.
He used to yell to my oldest baby like crazy, baby is 3 yrs old then, when I came to her rescue he will argue wd me. Omg that's just a baby! Imagine how he treats an innocent child?! He thought he is being disrespected with his 3y/o child. He hits her too.
One time my mom visits us, he will show his arrogant attitude towards her even though my mom has paid lots of our bills, rent bills and helped us a lot. This was when I had the 2nd baby and mom needs to stay in our house 'coz she needs to take care of me. she's from another country. my mom is a very patient and soft spoken person. He even showed my mom his ugly attitude and how he abuse me. Because of that my mom doesn't wanna come back to visit us again.
There's a lot more. His attitude is very nasty even towards her own mom. I just wonder why she is allowing him to disrespect her like that.
Posted by DwellingOnMove
she does not seek sympathy.
what she is doing is similar to sharing computing time on different PCs.
she stays here and analyse.
if only this merc work could count on receptiveness of her jup.
What's with my merc and jupiter that youre saying? Can you enlighten me with that? Thank u!
There was this only one time I asked for sympathy, cause literally I thought I was about to die that time. When I was pregnant wd my second baby and have been told I have complete placenta previa. The 2 ladies same with my case that time died and the other 1 lost her baby that's why I was soo scared. Other than that I am thick skinned for sympathy.
Posted by Cancermoon041181
I was raised conservatively by my parents, that's where I get my values from.
Really now?
Posted by Cancermoon041181
I lost contact with my ex bf 15 years ago after I cheated on him and made him so devastated.click to expand
Great values hun....Leopard doesn't change it's spots. You already have it set up to happen again.
I was raised not to cheat and to value myself. Never cheated on anyone in my life.
What's your excuse?
You need to stop with the bullshit and either get a divorce or work on the marriage. Then you can open those legs wide to whoever you please. Just keep your kids and the men you hump away from that shit, or it will surely come back and bite you in the ass.
Posted by truecap
So, just because you're not happy instead of working on your relationship with your HUSBAND, you reach out to another man? How the hell is that going to solve anything? You said your husband was making efforts, why aren't you?
Go to counselling, singly or as a couple.
Once a cheater, always a cheater I suppose.
I've been working hard on my relationship with my husband 15 yrs already you know. And he wakes up only now.
I just had an unfinished business with my ex that's all. Even psychologist say that if you haven't let go of your feelings, even how many yrs. have passed by, when the feeling's been triggered you will come back to the place where you left.
I know its complicated to meet with my ex while I am not thinking straight. That's why I am here, 'cause I don't want to do stupid things again. My values are too high, maybe that is what making doubtful about the meeting. Even though my husband is bad to me I still want to be honest with him.
In my first post I was asking help if I need to meet my ex or not. I think maybe he wants us to meet because he is guilty for not giving me the closure and left me hanging like that. Or maybe he just wants to see how I was now. He have asked me to meet him even before, 15 yrs ago, I was newly wed then. We need to say our last words to each other and move on. Besides, he is included in my circle of very close friends back home that I've been ignoring for years. I refused meeting any of them cause it's possible he will come too.
It's ok you label me what you want. But the funny thing is, you are actually combining your emotions because of what happened to you. I will separate my problem with my hubby and ex for sure, but you separate your experience to mine as well, so you could give me advice objectively.
Posted by LetltBPosted by Cancermoon041181
I was raised conservatively by my parents, that's where I get my values from.
Really now?
Posted by Cancermoon041181
I lost contact with my ex bf 15 years ago after I cheated on him and made him so devastated.
Great values hun....Leopard doesn't change it's spots. You already have it set up to happen again.
I was raised not to cheat and to value myself. Never cheated on anyone in my life.
What's your excuse?
You need to stop with the bullshit and either get a divorce or work on the marriage. Then you can open those legs wide to whoever you please. Just keep your kids and the men you hump away from that shit, or it will surely come back and bite you in the ass.click to expand
Just do a back reading miss. We are both being redundant. Smh
@ cancermoon
I apologize for you feeling like I was labeling you, even though I didn't really label you. I was trying to explain that reaching out to your ex only makes things worse and if you reach out there is a chance that more will happen and it could be devastating to two households.
My ex used to act very similarly and I learned a lot from our problems and our breakup. The little he did share with me was unhappiness and I will share with you the lesson I learned.
The behavior of your husband sounds like the reactions of a man who is constantly being told what he's doing isn't good enough. Eventually people get frustrated and react out of frustration. Men who are providing, being there and being told what they're doing isn't enough get frustrated. He most likely secretly knows you still have feelings for your ex, that you don't feel for him what you should, what he deserves. I will admit I probably made my ex feel that way.
So the lesson is, don't focus on what they're not doing. Focus on what they are doing. Appreciate them for what they do offer and the effort they do make and when they feel appreciated they will do more because it feels good to be appreciated.
It seems that you aren't appreciating the efforts is is making now. Like you've given up on him.
Albeit, if i am wrong and he is just an abusive ass, then you are the one who tolerated it since year one. That could have been nipped in the bud from the beginning. So, whining about living with it for ten years and not doing anything about it, is why I compared you to my Cancer friend. She whines, but doesn't take action. But, that is her life and not yours.
Just reaching out to this ex, is a mistake in itself and is just opening a can of worms in your mental state (that you referred to). You are confused, it will only make you more confused and more miserable. Be fair to him and don't add this to his life. You know, as we all do, if you meet up with him, your situation with your unhappiness will come up.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you happiness and mental well being. Fingers crossed that your therapy will help you. Couples therapy may be expensive, but its much less expensive than a messy divorce and much more profitable for your children's mental health.
And don't discount people's opinions because we don't know your whole situation. All we know is how you present it. So if someone reads one thing and answers completely wrong for your situation, realize
I apologize for you feeling like I was labeling you, even though I didn't really label you. I was trying to explain that reaching out to your ex only makes things worse and if you reach out there is a chance that more will happen and it could be devastating to two households.
My ex used to act very similarly and I learned a lot from our problems and our breakup. The little he did share with me was unhappiness and I will share with you the lesson I learned.
The behavior of your husband sounds like the reactions of a man who is constantly being told what he's doing isn't good enough. Eventually people get frustrated and react out of frustration. Men who are providing, being there and being told what they're doing isn't enough get frustrated. He most likely secretly knows you still have feelings for your ex, that you don't feel for him what you should, what he deserves. I will admit I probably made my ex feel that way.
So the lesson is, don't focus on what they're not doing. Focus on what they are doing. Appreciate them for what they do offer and the effort they do make and when they feel appreciated they will do more because it feels good to be appreciated.
It seems that you aren't appreciating the efforts is is making now. Like you've given up on him.
Albeit, if i am wrong and he is just an abusive ass, then you are the one who tolerated it since year one. That could have been nipped in the bud from the beginning. So, whining about living with it for ten years and not doing anything about it, is why I compared you to my Cancer friend. She whines, but doesn't take action. But, that is her life and not yours.
Just reaching out to this ex, is a mistake in itself and is just opening a can of worms in your mental state (that you referred to). You are confused, it will only make you more confused and more miserable. Be fair to him and don't add this to his life. You know, as we all do, if you meet up with him, your situation with your unhappiness will come up.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you happiness and mental well being. Fingers crossed that your therapy will help you. Couples therapy may be expensive, but its much less expensive than a messy divorce and much more profitable for your children's mental health.
And don't discount people's opinions because we don't know your whole situation. All we know is how you present it. So if someone reads one thing and answers completely wrong for your situation, realize
realize all we have to go on is your written words. We don't have the whole story and we don't know the people involved, we're doing the best we can. Sometimes what is perceived as rude and judgemental is what we need to hear and we get offended because deep down, we know what they're saying hits a nerve.
Good luck and God bless.
Good luck and God bless.
I tripped and fell...can't help it that my dick fell into her vagina....it was an accidnt.
lol!
lol!
Posted by Gemi9
No ONE raised to cheat. It is an accident. Not a norm and no one living thinking
today I will start cheating.
Is this more of your "Honest Cheating" bullshit you are spewing?
You are either a CHEATER or you are NOT.
It's a choice.
Posted by truecap
I tripped and fell...can't help it that my dick fell into her vagina....it was an accidnt.
lol!
..an accident with a "back story"...lol
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
I decided to go back out there to see what it's like to date following my failing marriage. But it's been so long, I don
What tipped you off?
I find myself in a situation I have not yet been in before. Recently I started dating someone whose company I enjoy. We
Just saw a blog about this. What are your thoughts? Big women are usually more humble since they aren't preferred a
http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_generation_y_needs_from_parents The above article talks about one o
When was the last time you just sat and looked into someones eyes? My ex, that I was with for many, many years would ne
Sorry if this sounds like it's coming from a bitter old fart (at age 56) but over the years I have come to wonder how co
so i love the update that Huldra posted with a very sweet compliment given to her. if she reads this and doesnt mind pos
How true is it? Read on. Gemini, Pisces, Leos, Scorpios and Libras, Do not hate me! But, I am curious about how true is
This situation isn't about me, but a friend and I would like to know your opinion. You're talking to the person you'
what would you do? Especially if he/she knows that it hurts you and they continuously do it. In the past they've been as
Why do some people believe in the saying that 'It takes a strong man to handle or love a broken woman?' I understand
Have been married a few years. Were together several years prior. Scorp complains that Gem is insecure and paranoid a
Yes, all are important. -SEX -LOVE -TIME -TRUST But what is the order that truly matters to you as a person in
Searching for love & not being able to find it thus far Or Letting go of the love you once had? Honestly, when I
I found this on Facebook and thought it speaks truth. I agree with it. So, what are YOUR thoughts on romance.
First and foremost, HAPPY DAY!! I am a scorpio female and I was in a relationship with a taurus female. I need your h
When does it become too much? I wrote about a Cancer friend awhile back who resorts to drugs when she has break ups.
When they pulled away in a relationship,or they look for a new love after that?
My bf (is a Leo)started became distant from me during mercury retrogade,(which is I'm a Virgo)b4 that,he was screwed up
Lol! I know nothing much about astrology but sun and moon signs only. If my luck will start when I'm 50-60 oh well, Atleast there's still hope. I'm looking forward to that. But man, it's too far away from now.