How do you get along with your parents

Ok, over the past few days this has become intergrated into a thread I was reading and is now part of another thread that got me thinking--

My relationship with my parents is strained and I struggle to deal with them. They are nice now but I cant forgive old hurts-- I deal with them for the sake of my children. If I didnt have kids I would probably never-- or hardly ever communicate with them.

I tell made up stories to strangers to make it seem like I like them just to avoid strange looks and judgements-- so now I ask--

How do you all get along with your parents? I thought abnormal-- was actually quite normal. Am I wrong—

Did the average person have a happy childhood?

I get along fantastically well with my mom. My real dad is entirely shut out from my life. My stepdad (who raised me) is dead. My current stepdad.. is sometimes a nightmare and sometimes really fun. I would NOT want to live near my mom, no matter how much I get long with her, because she can be really controlling and prying if she can come over/be in my space any time she wants to. She tries not to be, but she just is. Nothing I do is ever good enough for her, nobody I see is good enough for me in her eyes, and I'm always making mistakes out of my life. So long as she lives 1000 miles away, I don't have to tell her any of the details, and we're cool.

Ahhh, not that I am happy about your situation but for a minute or two I was really starting to wonder---- wtf— did everybody grow up in Candy land except me and the people you read about in the news— ..lol..

My whole family gets along extremely well. I'm close to everyone except my dad. We have a friendly relationship and like each other, but he was a very hands-off dad and we never formed a tight bond. He's my dad by marriage- married mom when I was 4. My biological father is dead, and although I met him when I was about 20, we never had a relationship.

As a child I adored my dad and wanted to be just like him (def a daddy's girl), when he cheated on my mom and she kicked him out I hated him and didn't speak to him for 12 yrs - didn't let him see my kids, would slam the door in his face when I was at my sister's and she wasn't there, I was a horrible daughter at that point.

My relationship with my mom wasn't necessarily anything special as a young child, but as a teenager I loathed her (before my father's indiscretions at which point I watched her fall to pieces which probably fed my hatred for my father and brought me closer to my mother). When I had my first child my mom became my best friend... not because she was there for me and my child as I never relied on her for anything and I think she only babysat for me once, it was just that I had matured I suppose. After she moved out of AK to TN I would call her and sing the chorus to Stevie Wonder's "I Just Called to Say I Love You". When I lost her in 1996 I was devastated, worst day of my life. I collapsed and cried for hrs.

It was after I lost my mom I decided to mend things with my father, as if I lost him without doing so I knew it would be that much more difficult. And, I made the right decision, I'm certain of it. My sister had disowned my mom before her death and never did get over it, she committed suicide 5 yrs ago.

My relationship with my father is fine now although he lives 5000 miles away and I haven't seen him in probably 10 yrs. I call him more than my other two siblings (I don't think my brother has ever forgiven him for what he did to my mom - he never calls, expects my father to contact him, then when my dad tries my brother doesn't answer the phone so my dad has kind of written my brother off). My other sister lives only an hr from my dad and rarely calls or even goes to see him.

I think I have a normal family though. No family fits the Cleaver (Leave it to Beaver) mold... so, yes, as you put it abnormal is normal - all families are dysfunctional in some way!! And we all have deep, dark secrets...

Posted by prettymoonlight2
My relationship with my parents is strained and I struggle to deal with them. They are nice now but I cant forgive old hurts-- I deal with them for the sake of my children. If I didnt have kids I would probably never-- or hardly ever communicate with them.

I don't get this mentality. If your own childhood was bad because of the influence of these people, why would you put your children around them too? If you think they are bad people and wouldn't go near them if there were no grandkids, why do it when there are? There are six billion people on this planet, why do we feel obligated to return to people who have shown they aren't worth our time? Your life is yours now, your parents can only control you if you let them now...

Kids aren't stupid, why would you think your kids are?

Were you?



Twenty years from now your kids are going to look back and shake their head at their mother who 'pretended' to care ... and they might spite you for that.

Do you honestly believe that you can carry on like that as if it's a secret and they won't know your heart?


JesusChrist .. people are so dumb.



Instead of asking this question in here, I would suggest YOU BE REAL ... your kids are watching.

Posted by LibraSid

I don't get this mentality. If your own childhood was bad because of the influence of these people, why would you put your children around them too? If you think they are bad people and wouldn't go near them if there were no grandkids, why do it when there are? There are six billion people on this planet, why do we feel obligated to return to people who have shown they aren't worth our time? Your life is yours now, your parents can only control you if you let them now...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

My parents... are awesome. No we didn't have a "perfect" childhood, far from it actually. We never had much stuff, we were homeless for a time "camping" in the woods (see: living in your station wagon). We lived in some pretty ghetto areas and some really bad shit went down at times. But my parents were there for us and did the best they could. They were never cruel (strict, but not cruel) and taught us to be our own people and to control our lives. My parents divorced when I was 11 or 12 and things were strained for a few years. Mom had a hard time managing three teen/preteen boys but she was there for us. She gave all the love and support you could ask for. A few years after the divorce I reconciled with my father and have been close with him since. I talk with both my parents on a fairly regular basis and would visit regularly if I didn't live so far away.

As human nature dictates .. I get/got along with whomever I want/ed to .. and all things are subject to change, at my discretion.

Posted by LibraSid

Posted by prettymoonlight2
My relationship with my parents is strained and I struggle to deal with them. They are nice now but I cant forgive old hurts-- I deal with them for the sake of my children. If I didnt have kids I would probably never-- or hardly ever communicate with them.

I don't get this mentality. If your own childhood was bad because of the influence of these people, why would you put your children around them too? If you think they are bad people and wouldn't go near them if there were no grandkids, why do it when there are? There are six billion people on this planet, why do we feel obligated to return to people who have shown they aren't worth our time? Your life is yours now, your parents can only control you if you let them now...

click to expand

My parents came from very strict backgrounds and were "forced" to get married as my mom was pregnant with me. The two of them are both Gemini's & it was like living with 10 different people ..lol..

They did not want to be married to each other or have me so growing up life was difficult & strained. Not only were they poor but they also do not believe in divorce. When my father was promoted & started to make more money my parents spent less time around their families and more time around a new class of people-- they started to see how otheres treated thier kids.

They changed toward my brother & I but we were already in our late teens and early 20's at that point. They both have told me on several occations that they raised us cruel & violent because that's how they were raised & once they saw how others lived they learned that people are not like that in other families.

I see how they try to make things up to me through my kids. That's why I let them see them.

They are truly sorry and I say that I forgive but deep down-- I dont.

You're all strangers. ..lol.. I can be honest here.

Again, your kids aren't stupid ..... they are watching you.


so .... stop acting

Posted by prettymoonlight2

I see how they try to make things up to me through my kids. That's why I let them see them.

They are truly sorry and I say that I forgive but deep down-- I dont.

You're all strangers. ..lol.. I can be honest here.

So you can continue to be dishonest to your family ... good job making your kids not trust you.

Have my parents messed up, pissed me off & disappointed me? Well of course. BUT am I still grateful for them? Yes. Do I still respect them? Absolutely.

We have to remember that people are people FIRST before they're anything else (parents, friends, teachers, preachers, companions). People are going to mess up & having kids don't make you any less human nor does it make you perfect just b/c you had them.

My parents, through some of their mistakes/mishaps, have def. taught me how NOT to be when it comes to me raising my own kids. The strategies that they used that worked, I am grateful for & will implement those same strategies with my children. The parenting techniques they used that didn't work or did more harm than good will be techniques that I will NOT use on or with my kids. Simple as that.

Through it all, the ups & downs, I still remember that they 1. Sacrificed alot for us (me & my siblings) & 2. Did the best they knew how at the time.

Times are changing now & parenting now is slightly different than it was persay 20 years ago, so it's understandable for children of this new generation to grow up thinking, "Man my parents sucked!" but the true reasoning behind them saying that perhaps has nothing to do with the parents themselves & moreso to do with how everyone ELSE (the world, their teachers, their friends, their friend's parents, their peers, etc.) raised them. And of course, when you compare the 2, sometimes we convince ourselves that our parents were complete idiots who raised us wrong.

i had a long physical abuse within my family. Social workers and family counselors the works. Long story short as i matured my values of MYSELF has changed for the better. ACCEPtance. I realized my parents , particularly, my father came from a completely different generation and culture. I also realized that my father despite the pain he has caused for many years, has his own inner demons to deal with. Things are better now. COMPROMISE...understanding where my father was coming from but also what isn't acceptable behavior. Its really liberating. WE're not on the best of terms, but not on the worst of terms either.blah

I deal with it by setting myself free. being in control with my life. And accepting all that is. moving forward. Making an effort to maintain peace and at least try to better our family bonds.

My parents are awesome. Dad is a badass and Mom is hilarious.

Well, it would seem I am in the minorty! Good to know.
..lol..

I guess in life we all have different things to deal with. I do find that I am more sensitive than most-- it could be because my sun in Cancer moon in pisces... lol... or just the way I interpet things.

Food for thought.
Thank you all
🙂