Mother's & Father's, opinions please!

My 13 year old niece is going out with a 17 year old boy...my brother and his wife are ok with it and they spend time together both at his house and hers under supervision and also are allowed to go out on dates to movies or wherever...My brother and his wife have spoken to this boy and pretty much informed him that as she is 13 should there be any sex between them both, they will press criminal charges! They think that this alone will stop them in their tracks...

Personally I think it's inevitable that if they are allowing their daughter to be dating at such a young age they are in for trouble..Oh I forgot to mention that my niece has the body of a 16-18 year old, very busty and flaunts them and has always been the clingy type looking for love and affection (dangerous combo)

I have tried to say something to my brother about keeping them at a distance rather than allowing it but it was met with the attitude that they have warned him and should anything happen he knows the consequence to which i have said but then the damage will be done with her and also it will effect your realtionship with her too. All fallen on deaf ears, probably moreso with the attitude, this is OUR daughter and we will handle it our way.

Just suggestions please, how would you handle this problem? I'm thinking of having a talk with my niece myself. She has always looked up to me and my other sis-in-law so I think that she may take in some of our advice. I'm not so concerned about how her parents will take it but more wanting to help protect my niece...Some may feel I'm out of line here but I've thought about it in my own situation with my 3 daughters and I wouldn't have a problem if someone talked with any of my kids should they see them going down a wrong track, with or without my consent.

Personally I've been there and done that with 2 of my girls...everything we tried didnt work and all I can see with her is that it's definitely going to happen!! I would like to try and help her to understand that she is way too young and she should wait...and as I said...maybe she might hear 10% of what I am trying to say...goodness knows, i was totally heartbroken to learn of my own two daughters having gone down that track way too soon and with guys that used them and tricked them into believing it was a more promising and permanent thing!!!

No freakin' way. ARE THEY CRAZY??!!! Seriously. Pull off the kid gloves, time to have a major conversation with EVERYONE - separate, all together, what ever it takes. Sorry, on my soap box just a little. But HELL no.

Well just like your opinions went in one ear & out the other when it comes to your brother & his wife, what makes you think that trying to get your point across to your 13 year old niece will be any easier?? It's almost too late to say something to your niece b/c 1. She's going to do what she truly wants to do anyways. 2. She's just going to deny any sexual activities to you just like she did to her own parents & 3. She can easily come up with the excuse that if her OWN parents let her do something, then that's all that matters. Situations like this happen all the time & really, all you can do is just hope & pray that things don't turn out bad. Hope that she doesn't get pregnant, burnt with an std or emotionally scarred from any drama/heartbreak that 17 old boy might cause her. Do I think your brother & his wife are being naive? Sure, of course. BUT, the problem here is that only THEY can make that call & unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it. It sucks for your niece, but hey, it might take for something huge to happen before everyone realizes that this was all just 1 big mistake. It's hard, but sometimes you have to know when to stay in your place. You can "wish" & hope all day long but inevitably, your brother & his wife feel they are making the best decision & stand by that decision, so you losing more sleep than everyone else won't change anything. Parents make this mistake all the time. On 1 end, they enforce strict rules that are to be followed REGARDLESS of how mad their child feels about them, BUT on the other hand, the part of them that wants to be their child's "FRIEND" almost defeats the purpose of having the rules in the 1st place. Is this their 1st child? If so, expect many mistakes to be made in the parenting department. This kinda thing happens all the time. If you feel so bad about it, then call the police yourself. It's not like they're gonna turn you away just b/c you're the auntie & not the technical parent.

Your niece is 13; she's at that age where common sense is not as prevelant as it would be to an adult. She's not making smart and/or adult decisions b/c she's NOT an adult. Plus, now-a-days, with the media & with what children see at school & in their own households all the time, dating someone a few years older than you is not such a no-no anymore. Children now days are growing up around this kind of thing which is why they don't see the big deal in dating someone much older than them. She's 13, she just wants to be grown & do her own things just like her friends are probably doing. Trying to get her to have more common sense isn't gonna happen. If anybody out to be responsible & use their common sense it oughta be the PARENTS. If the parents can't even see your point OR if they keep enabling these kinds of things to happen, then the chance of you actually getting clearly across to your 13 year old niece is almost 0-1% . I wouldn't recommend giving a sermon to your niece about this; she's prob. heard it already 100 times. And don't forget that when people really want to be with someone, but yet others object to it, it only pushes them FURTHER into that other person's arms. I know you want to jump up & react but think this out. If this bothers you so bad, tell other relatives about this OR go to the police yourself. It's sad that her parents are basically WAITING until something bad happens (that might have life-long consequences) but just b/c they are waiting doesn't mean that you have to. So hey, on 1 hand, I'd just say leave it be; let the parents find out for themselves..let them lose the sleep over this. But on the other hand, I respect people like you who actually HAVE the balls to do something about it while everybody else just sits back, shakes their head but yet doesn't make any action happen. Do what you feel is right

Thanks for your opinions, I have 3 daughters of my own and they are all older than my niece and she, I think would probably respond a little more to them and their stories as they are only 20,17 and 14. All a little more responsible but only because of their own experiences... unfortunetly (except the 14 year old) But I'm thinking that a little bit of something from each of them may help. More so than coming from me.

Stop worrying about it. Consistently make jokes around them abt them becoming grandparents and laugh hysterically.

She's a minor and he will be 18 I'm sure pretty soon, if the system/the man catch wind of this relationship his ass is toast.

In our country he can be tried at 16, that is the legal age and that's what the parents have told him....

BUT what's the point, that's not going to pass through his mind as he is doing the deed!!!

@ Ovi, Regardless of what is happening in todays society, the question is "how would you try and help in this situation?" Turning a blind eye is not what I'm prepared to do!

Outside of calling the police and reporting this to the police or CPS I don't see how you can approach this without potentially putting someone in jail and without potentially creating a big rift in the family. If somehow you can get her parents on your side and you all intervene by speaking to his parents and maybe get everyone actively involved nothing probably will come of it.

Sweets

My instinct here is that she has been sexually abused in her past. I don't mean to alarm you but her actions sound like it. Are you close with her? Maybe you can go and talk to her girl to girl. In a way, you are in a fortunate position because you AREN'T her parents but her "cool" aunt.

Good luck.

Posted by tiki33
She's a minor and he will be 18 I'm sure pretty soon, if the system/the man catch wind of this relationship his ass is toast.

My own experience with this (albeit in a different country) is that police wont even bother pressing charges unless the girl agrees to testify - what other evidence is there? and no, fourteen year old girls are not going to get in the stand and say a thing - one reason is because they dont beleive that they are too young to consent.

Sweethearts .... a 13 year old girl can indeed be not only in love, she can also have found her life partner at this age. A 4 year gap isn't unreasonable. I've been married for 27 years to a man who is over 3 years older than me.



The problem here isn't the age difference. The problem is that her parents think that just because she is 13, that she doesn't deserve to be a human. As well as the 17 year old.

To tell two people who love each other not to "make love" is like telling them they aren't allowed to breathe. Age doesnt' fucking matter.

If a woman is menstruating, Sweethearts, then she is old enough to fuck .... according to the laws of nature.

The parents think they have a right to hold this natural act against them if they commit it, while opening the doorway to tempt them with it.

How sad is that? That's like blowing smoke in the face of someone trying to quit, isnt it?

You're brother and his wife should face the same thing, and they will ... karma, you know.




What you should do is to be yourself in a place where these two young people trust you, completely .... provide them with condems, birth control and excuses for time/place when her parents try to frame them.

Which of course the framing is the goal .. why else would they encourage the dating and then threaten punishment if these two people try to love each other?


That also should be illegal, tiki and all those who practice one-sidedness.

Sweets, when my son gave me my grandson, he was 24 and she was 16 ...

Unfortunately, even if they restricted your niece from seeing this boy she would do so anyway at times when she was not home. However, by doing so they will push her further away into his arms, so to speak. Remember also, sex can occur in the school bathroom or under the bleachers or in the woods or in the parking lot or... what I'm saying is that restricting her to see him outside of school will not only not prevent her from seeing him, but it will not prevent them from having sex either. As parents they are weighing their options and hoping for the best, that is all we can ever do. I would say that by allowing your niece to date this boy they are utilizing risk reduction tactics.