Older Men: The Reality

I've been doing a lot of thinking about this subject lately. Especially since a lot of my female friends are experiencing major problems in their relationships/marriage with their older men right now. Unfortunately, all I can do is be a good listener and not give them feedback. When it comes to giving feedback in friendships, its best not to, cause you're damned if you do based on my personal experience.

But here I at least can. I realize what Im about to post is going to make a lot of men (mainly the older ones) pissed off and thinking im being a "hater". But to be fair, i consider myself an older dude going into my 30's. Considering I live in a town where the majority of single gals are 18-23.

To be honest, women put older men on too much of a pedestal. Women think they're escaping a lot of the problems they have with younger men when that is not exactly the case. Now are there some genuinely great older men who are relationship material? Definately, but not as many women think. What I am basically going to be covering in the following paragraphs is just going over and clearing up the myths younger women have towards older men.

Sex - Let's start off with the main thing which attracts a younger woman to us older guys. The popular myth of older men being Sexual Masters. Are there older men that can play a woman's clit like a strattivarius? Yes, but again not as many as women assume.

Older guys can share the sexual skill level of a teenager. Because of a couple reasons. One, if he's good looking and has a charming personality, he is never without female companionship. So he can afford to not give two craps about satisfying a woman sexually. Or if he actually does put in the effort failing miserably, he wont care cause there'll be another female waiting for him.

The 2nd reason a lot of older men when single - (myself included) go through long periods of not having sex. Therefore, making them very rusty when the time approaches. It could be due to a number things. They could be not considered physically attractive in a lot of people's eyes. Or they could just have extreme anxiety in cold approaching women (my problem) Most of the women I dated approached me. I prefer to be approached or have very clear and not confusing signals of interest from women. To be continued next post...

As I mentioned before, I didnt lose my virginity till my early 20's. And it was with a 19 year old girl. I knew her main attraction to me was because of my age. The only frame of reference I had regarding sex was watching lesbian porn lol. I just went off based on what I've watched with lesbians during sex. I'm pretty sure my performance wasnt satifactory for her. But I never told her it was my first time either. Otherwise, she would have dropped me like a bad habit and I would have never had the chance to have sex. So girls who are 18-20 dating a guy thats 22 will not guarantee better sexual performance. Most likely it could be his first time. Same with a 26 or 27 year old.

Commitment - Most younger women assume that men in their 30's and 40's are ready to settle down and get married. And yes a lot of them think they are.

You noticed how I said think. During some age in his life a man realizes he has the ability to attract younger women being older. This could happen after only being in a relationship or married for a year. He starts noticing all the attention younger women give when they know his age.

And it becomes too tempting not to sample some of that attention. So they either cheat on their gf/wives or dump them to pursue the poo tang. Again when older men realize as long as they can take decent care of themselves and have a steady income, there can be a long life span for being single. So they dont have to invest too much into the relationship when there's other options ready and able. Older men can attract truck loads of women more so than a young Rob Pattinson look a like.

Or their reluctance to commit could be based on bad experiences in relationship. Most men that are single in 30's and 40's had some really bad relationships. And they are more reluctant to commit being so jaded. That describes me to a T. If a guy has had experiences being in exclusive relationships with younger women, then you should be a little weary.

For myself, I'm upfront with any 20 something girl i date that it will not go anywhere. I tell her we can be in a open relationship and she can date other guys. But I wont commit. Just because based on my experience women change more then men do in their 20's. So they are not 100% concrete on what they want. Say at 27, a girl decides its time to get married and settle down. By 29, she can freak out and wants more out of life. Continued next post...

Now a lot of older men have this knowledge but choose to be dishonest and lead younger women into a committed relationship. When the older guy isnt taking it seriously, he's just using you for steady sex and companionship till the next better thing comes his path. Then he can dump you for her.

Oh and far as sexual peak at 18? I think that's a load of mularky. Scientists obviously didnt take astrological charts into consideration. I'm a scorpio sun with Moon and Mars in Sagittarius. So my sex drive is off the charts. It has never slowed down. I've yet to find a woman my age or even late 30's that is game for sex 3 to maybe even 4 times a day. So I dont think that is entirely accurate. Something else to mention is younger men are more eager to try to satisfy women sexually. Cause they're afraid there wont be anymore women to come their way if they suck. Whereas older guys knows he can attract the ladies and afford to suck in the sack if he wants. Back to the topic at hand...


Jealousy and Possessiveness - Most younger women assume an older guy wont be jealous or possesive like a younger man. And that can be true sometimes. It doesnt bother me guys hitting on a girl Im dating. Or if she flirts with them. Its up to me to keep the girl interested. And if a woman is going to cheat, they will regardless of what you do. So I'm very hands off and let the gals take care of themselves unless they signal my help. Some older men arent possessive. I give the women I date space. i dont call or text them all the time. I only talk to them for plans to meet up on the phone. I let them spend as much time out with their friends as possible.

But a lot of guys my age and older dont share that same viewpoint. A lot of the time older men can be much more insecure then younger men. Cause they are getting scared of the reality their looks will go. So when they see their girl/wife talking to a tall johnny depp knock off, jealousy rages. Its also an issue of control for men. The younger girl doesnt have much life experience so she looks to the older man for guidance.

Except as she gets older, her life experiences increase. And suddenly the older man feels threatened that he doesnt have much to offer her. So he'll start playing head games, being verbally or even physically abusive to retain that control.

That's all I can think of for now. I'm really tired it's 3 something in the morning. But one last thought. Next post...

Younger men tend to be less commitphobic then older men for one reason. They're not jaded, there's no really toxic relationship from their past influencing the thought process. They are more open to marriage and kids cause of not having any prior baggage of it. Because most older men do.

I'm not saying you shouldnt date older men ladies. But dont put us being above younger women when we are just as bad. Just be open to dating men your age instead of excluding them for the older guys.

Otherwise you'll wind up irredeemably jaded like me 😉

sorry meant being above younger men. Damn I'm tired. Burrito out the butt tonight, laters.

Yeah, I only skimmed through this ... and will comment on one thing.


Just because a guy is older doesn't mean he is better sexually. An older dude could be worse, actually .... because he gets set in his ways.


The whole 'you can't a teach an old dog new tricks' thing ... and good loving making cannot be clarified, what makes it good is different for each person. So, in this theory, an older guy who is doing the same, same, and not being spontaneous is actually not a good lover.


What makes an older guy better isn't sex ... it's a learned tolerance. Because his ego wants bragging rights in having a younger girl (see Dyr, for example who boasts often about having a younger wife) .. he will learn to tolerate her over-exaggerated feelings, whereas a young guy doesn't have to do that to get a girl .. his dick is still rock hard.

Sorry amethyst I wasnt talking about what you said. I meant the popular myth of men's sexual peak being 18. Its no big deal for me if a girl cant do 3 times a day. I was more using that as an example in response to the women are more sexual in their 30's thing.

Older men tend to use younger women as trophys. And younger women dont realize that a lot of time with golddiggers being the exception. BTW I never understood why older men use wealth as a way of getting attractive younger women. Dont get me wrong, I do understand but it seems to be a waste of time.

Basically on a unofficial level, these men are paying for sex. If you want one sided sex, the bunny ranch is much cheaper and less headaches to deal with. Every girl I've ever known who's dated or married an older wealthy man always without fail had some young stud on the side for sex at some point in the relationship. Maybe I'm foolish, but I'd rather have a girl actually want to screw me rather than it being an obligation for them.

Other thing too is most men and women when they are older do get set in their ways. They stop being open minded so much about things. Of course there are older people like myself who are young at heart. And try to stay open to new music and ideas politically.

This one Leo chick who is 2 younger than me is married to a 51 year old guy. She has her own money so no golddigging there. But man, they have zilch in common with politics being the lone exception. They disagree on opinions of music, movies and whatnot. Everyone told her it was a mistake marrying him and she was rushing into things. But she didnt listen.

And you can tell she is unhappy. The only reason she seems to be staying with him is not wanting to admit the relationship was a mistake. Typical Leo pride lol. Screw pride man, if I am unhappy Ill be happy to admit making a mistake and getting the hell out. I'm not getting any younger lifes too short to be unhappy for pride's sake.

I completely agree with some of the things you stated in this post. In my generation, alot of younger women were interested in older men b/c of what the older men could offer them. Well 1st, off this perspective often gets people in trouble b/c people tend too much to rely on someone else to give them what they can give themselves. Alot of women fear that younger men aren't as "mature" as they are, yet the very fact that they naively seek the wrong kinds of men for all the wrong reasons is probably why older men find THEM as immature!

I always approach this topic in the eyes of an older man. Ok, so he fears he's aging & he enjoys all of the attention & validation he's getting from younger women. Ok, we get that BUT relationships are about more than 1 person always fulfilling the other person's ego. It shouldn't be about what the other person can always give you. And this goes especially towards women who only want older men b/c of the stigma attached to them that says older= wiser, more faithful & more experienced. Granted, alot of older men are all of those things b/c time has allowed them to be. BUT from an older man's perspective, he's not necessarily going to be getting a wiser, more mature & experienced woman in return..why would an older man REALLY want a younger woman? If it's only for physical validation then that's a problem..considering the mindset of that older man is already grounded in selfishness (How she can make ME look good, for example).

Krysrenee, i agree with what you're saying. When a younger woman shows interest, I'm always honest about just wanting to hang out and have a good time. And she should keep looking elsewhere for a relationship, but we can have fun. Some girls get pissed off and others are fine with it.

I'm just not interested in being with a younger woman for a exclusive relationship. I want an equal, not someone trying to find a replacement for their daddy. To be fair, I've met many younger women who are very intellectually sophisticated for their age. But always without fail, act emotionally their age at some point down the line. Superior intellect cant hide inferior emotion.

I'm going into the 30's and just have no more use for being in relationships that obviously have no future.

There is a downside to dating women my age and that is jadedness. Which can suck if I was looking for a relationship right now. But with my hectic work schedule, I am not so it can work in my favor. Cause jaded women tend to be fine with friends with benefits and dont get attached as easily like younger women do.

BTW regardless of age, any male or female that falls for someone based on good sex alone are some shallow people. While I admit good sex is an attraction builder, it takes more than that for me to fall in love. The phrase sounds so freaking gay, but I need a mental connection with someone to fall in love. For sheer sex, looks attract me. But for love, I need someone with a good personality and who genuinely cares for others and isnt on a ego trip.

Exactly..when I'm 35, sure I'd love for my man to maintain some youthfullness & some spunkiness that rumor says older men my age might not have, BUT at the same time, things like maturity, experience, etc. (all the things that VERY important & that ultimately make the relationship work AND last) are what I look for. When I'm 35, I'll be looking for the man that is around my age & that hopefully has some of the same characteristics the young bucks have vs. assuming that the men my age can't/don't offer what I'm looking for. After all, when I'm 35, I'm going to assume that I'm STILL a good catch for any man, so in return, I give men my age that same pleasure/respect. If I can't even see myself being with someone who is not my equal when I turn 35, then why would I be attracted to anyone (of ANY age) who is purposely NOT looking for their equal?

Most people are either looking for something that is inferior OR superior to them. They either want someone who has ALL The things they DON'T have OR someone who has WAYYYY more than they do, by a long shot. What happend to wanting someone who was your equal? Someone whom you could grow to acquire certain things with together? Why want a man whose got the car, the house, the dream career, & basically all of the things YOU don't even have for yourself yet. That might be fair to you if you get that guy, BUT would it be fair to him? And I say that considering that same man probably wants someone who has the same things he has.

There's this illusion that younger men are more naive but yet more fun. And then there's the illusion that older men are more mature & ready for adventure, b/c they supposedly "lack it" with their careers and all. Problem is, this is just an ILLUSION. There are in fact many younger men who suck in bed and/or who don't take care of their physical appearance, just like there are lots of older men who are more childish than their own children & who don't have their lives together. It's all just an illusion

Been there once. Wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

Older woman - Younger man
I've dated younger guys. They tend to be more "commital." A younger guy puffs out his proverbial chest in the presence of an older woman. He wants to be taken seriously so he's far more resolute in speech and action. In these situations, there's no doubt what he wants...whether it be sex, a meal ticket or more. That frank honesty can be refreshing and attractive.

Conversations can be tricky. The more mature and intellectually sophisticated the woman, the more difficult a "real" union becomes.

Overall, I liked my young bucks. They REALLY wanted to prove themselves worthy and that was flattering. But, I always felt bad because I am a firm believer that people shouldn't get involved in serious unions before the age of 25. You don't know who you are let alone taking the time to learn someone else.

An older person has to walk a tight rope with those in their early to mid 20s. You have. To be there to offer advice that comes with maturity but refrain from taking a parental rode. You have to be willing to allow the younger person to make their own decisions even if an older, wiser you knows better.

As a woman, I selfishly say this type of union can work but te bigger the age gap, the more mature the guy or the more intellectually stalled the woman otherwise I can't see it working. The woman also has to keep up appearances far than she would with someone her age or older. Non-believers in plastic surgery need not apply :p

Older man - Younger woman
I've dated older men. If they're of the same race, I feel like I'm dating my daddy. So no go with ebony men.

Over a 10 year gap and you risk that he just wants you for sex and companionship. Companionship isn't a bad thing until you realize for a man of advancing age, it's simply that dude doesn't want to die alone. Older men are far more likely to remarry if widowed or divorced. They don't waste time either. In a year they're ready to wed and the irony is, they probably weren't like this in their youth.

So I don't really like this match as the age gap increases. The bigger the gap, the more it's about concepts than the actual people involved.

Eh, I dont have much time to log on anymore for a back and worh debate. But since Im hunkered down in my crib for the next two days with work from a client may as well try.


"No... not Sexual Masters. But... we've learned the difference between sex and intimacy -- which what lots of women want."

This sentence seems to be implying I'm being a "hater" Which is not the case. If you look back, I did say some older guys know how to play the right notes on a woman's g-spot.

A lot of women though youre saying not all, is still bordering on generalization Dy. Yes, some women love romantic tender sex. But in my experience, more and more women like hot, athletic clash of the titans sex aka Basic Instinct.

The last 5 different women I was with said the same thing - "Whats with the tender, romantic sex? I want you to dominate me, throw me against a wall like an animal in heat. Slap my ass, hold my arms down"

All these women had a butt load of water signs in their chart. And water as you know is considered to be the most romantic of the signs. Not saying you're necessairly that you're wrong Dy. Just its better not to generalize with younger women.

"As for the hard dick: Viagra & Cialis have just about levelled the playing field between horny youngsters and old farts."

Thats sort of accurate. But some women get tired of waiting for a pill. And rather just have something instantaneous. Ex: A 32 year old woman I knew that had a 49ish bf. After we had sex, she complained about how her bf had to take cialis even when they were just having sex once a week.

There's some 40-50ish men I know that take care of themselves and have a sex drive that can compete with a 20-something. But most dont. And as these younger trophy wives enter their 30's, get fed up with not having full service. And either break up or just f--k around on their bf/husbands with younger men. Which should say to men my age that if you want to have a younger woman in the 40's, take care of yourself and dont drink and smoke excessively. Otherwise the only contact you'll have with the younger ladies will be on a webcam.

Posted by ianthefish
yeah i have to agree, all chicks want you to just beat the fuck outta their pussy...

make em hurt for 3 or 4 days, or you have not done a satisfying job...

and with all the hip replacements, heart surgeries, knee replacements, etc, that you old guys have you just cant keep up with what a woman wants...

Oh that made me laugh so hard.

Posted by DyTryin

FB80: The popular myth of older men being Sexual Masters.

Often? Bullshit. It's on my Profile... but how many people actually read those??

That did it for me - I just had to go and read it....

Bwahahahhahaa.

At 43 I better return to my dead pic. washed up at 43 oh well whart the hell.

*snort* Washed up at 43 indeed. I'll be 40 in the spring and I ain't washed up.

^ Arrrrrrrrgh. How tiresome.

Bella said she never wanted a older man shes 42, Im 43 this leves me out. So sad V.B is only 40 way to young and then there is Leo Lady 38 Not a chance better find an old woman who is into atomic structure, and nuclear phenomena we could talk for hours about the cosmos,parallel universes. the physcic of the very large and the very small. Alas for such a woman with nice tits and a great ass of course.

Too young now am I, when you were still mining for gold and eating paste out of a jar when I was born? Were you even toilet trained at this point? And if you invoke my name and I answer you better not call me stalker. Joke or not that pissed me off. We clear Mr. Tate? And by the way, just relax and enjoy the company. I like you Tater, I find you quite intelligent, most ornery, and entertaining as all hells. 🙂

My dear stalking VB it was ment as a joke you are 40 going on 18. And as for my intellect I am 43 going on 13. Have a wonderful day sweets well its almost night here.

Lov Tate

Ahhh Tate, I'd be happy to stalk you any day of the week. You know better luv. I don't know why that hit me wrong. I get touchy about the damnedest things. And I'll make an educated guess that it's going on 6 p.m., sunset is coming on that beautiful place of yours. Enjoy it please. Lov you too Dragon. Cap Welshman full of pride. Familiar with that one I am.

Do older men take viagra to keep from rolling out of bed during the night?

Posted by james tate
Bella said she never wanted a older man shes 42, Im 43 this leves me out. So sad V.B is only 40 way to young and then there is Leo Lady 38 Not a chance better find an old woman who is into atomic structure, and nuclear phenomena we could talk for hours about the cosmos,parallel universes. the physcic of the very large and the very small. Alas for such a woman with nice tits and a great ass of course.

Tate, Im too young now—?

I like my men a bit older. Havent I already established this—

As for discussing atomic structure with you.... nah.... not me.... but my ass is the DA BOMB!!!! 😛

Posted by ianthefish

Posted by seavixen2
younger man/older woman

I can't keep the youngbucks away from me! I've been there done that...and IT'S not all it's cracked up to be. Sure the sex is off the charts...they are so eager to learn etc...but a relationship can't just sustain on killer sex. The couple I have dated just weren't up to par. Morning bong hits with twinkies for breakfast, public ball scratching...just frat-like mentalities. One guys idea of a nice date was going to a friends house to play beer pong. It's my own fault...but I'm over it, so OVER it.

thats funny..

click to expand

Yes it is funny, but unfortunately all too true. I can relate! We laugh when we go out because EVERY guy that hits on me is 22!!!! I swear! If my gfs ever say, "How old is he?" I know that he is 22!!! LOL!!! Right now I have a 20 year and a 23 year old at the gym that fight over me and Im not interested in either one of them. If Im at the gym the same time both of them are, they come hug up on me and argue amongst themselves which one Im going out with! What, they gonna take me to Chucky Cheese for a roll in the ball pit and a pizza with the Rat? Seriously, one of them cant even buy me a drink yet!!!— WTF?? Bring on the 35 - 45'ers for me!

I just lov this woman to death, I wonder if she is into darts NA maybe something very different like think tate think there must be something that would impress her.

Posted by ianthefish
yeah i have to agree, all chicks want you to just beat the fuck outta their pussy...

make em hurt for 3 or 4 days, or you have not done a satisfying job...

and with all the hip replacements, heart surgeries, knee replacements, etc, that you old guys have you just cant keep up with what a woman wants...

HEHEHE! I miss you Ian!!! LMAO!

If you are referring to me.... I used to be on a dart tournament team Tate! BOOYAH!!!!

I am a keeper!!! 😄

And a travelling softball team (no Im not gay)

Hi Bells!!

I burst out laughing at your saggy vs firm comment!!! That was some funny shit!

LOL! Well, I just go for older but firm. Saggy doesnt work for me either. Probly why all my relationships dont last.

I go for hard-bodied, narcisistic, commitment phobic men. Probly has nothing to do with age at all.

Well, at least they are fun to look at. And touch. 😉

I swear if I posted pics of my last several boyfriends (bodies only) you would know what I mean!!! LOL!

I wondered what happen to my head in that one pic.

Tate, I didnt even know you had a head, Sweetheart!

Hehehehee, but you must find one with Taurus moon. Of course, that might not bring with the same cool factor, but hey. Worth a shot, right? 🙂

I show my head you just have to look for it

Posted by james tate
I show my head you just have to look for it

Sorry, Im distracted by the abs. Its my weakness. I can admit to that.

Posted by venusianbull
Hehehehee, but you must find one with Taurus moon. Of course, that might not bring with the same cool factor, but hey. Worth a shot, right? 🙂

Pisces Sun, Taurus Moon, and Aries Venus.

That's what Meg needs 😉