Sex addiction

OK, this one is messed! It's my boyfriends best friend. He has a BAD addiction. His girlfriend is my friend, we all get along great! They moved away for work together a few months ago 8 hrs away. The problem ? she discovered their cable bill: $ 1000 of PORN in ONE month! Before she moved she found a $ 500 porn bill, and he swore on their relationship that it wasn't him. Her angry roommate had moved out mad so they blamed her. She asks me what to do, I don't know what to say!!!! He is such a nice guy, respectful, smart, confident, and THEN THIS!!!!! I feel awful, they wanted to marry each other & now she feels sick & unwanted, never mind LIED to! Advice on how to be a friend and suggestions for what to do?

they could by a camcorder

OK, first of all he admitted it this time so he is GUILTY. & 2nd, she said that she'd watch it with him she's down with porn, open to new things. It's that he's trying to hide & LYING about it. Also, it IS a problem if you are spending $ 1000 in ONE month for it. That's just messed.

Ya, me too! Well I'm just happy it's not my situation! I think I'd send the guy to get help with strict rules and a promise to leave if one more porn is ordered. He obviously can't just handle one!

lol @ AMW

perharps consider focusing his attention in doing more then watching? 😛 like buying sexy lingerine for his gf to dance in? hehe

She could gouge his eyes out.

btw: If he has the grand to pay for the bill, then that high of a bill isn't even a problem.

What I find odd about this is ... how would he have time to watch that much porn?

I've no clue how much it costs .. but, let's say 5 buck an hour.

That's 200 hours of porn .... I mean like, is she there?

They're living together?

And he was able to watch 200 hours without her knowledge?

Is she the oblivious type?

I mean ... that's like 50 hours a week.

It's doubtful that my husband could spend 50 unnoticed hours a week watching porn.

Something is fishy about this story .......

well they're not married are they but yea PA, anyone you spend any amount of time with will definitely notice that!!!!

like that stuff's not cheap... and most swindle you anyway... like they say: ' wow biggest this here - only one in the world!' $ 39.99... then you realise, it's got nothing! joing another... repeat that a few times... then personal one on one shows, extras here and there...
erm, don't ask me how I know! 😛

but there's no excuse for this amount! especially when you have a gf!

Ok his gf, is a very intelligent , girl next door social butterfly. She said all the porn was like asian stuff and so I guess he's gotta release that & feels too embarrassed to explain that to her. He told her it's his sickness. She's like ?Now I gotta deal with that!!? She is totally not jealous or (was) insecure but she said this is making her totally feel unwanted and insecure. She's like ?these lies and BS is turning me into someone I'm not!?

OK, and everyone wants to make sure on the point that we're allowed to watch porn & it's okay. Well no kidding, but this is a LOT of porn. Excessive is not always good.

I don't know where he finds the time for it, but she figured he's a little illiterate when it comes to technology & sometimes would order one, flip to another channel & keep ordering.

"she figured he's a little illiterate when it comes to technology & sometimes would order one, flip to another channel & keep ordering."

that has nothing to do with technology literacy ...

"stupidity is a sickness"

I think that's the case here! I guess we all have some weaknesses but it they hurt our wallet THAT much and especially people we love, it's time to reconsider what really feels good.

You know, there's the people that almost enjoy the pain & getting caught too.

Right, stores, and magazines .... the excessive spending has to do with the person, not the location where the product can be obtained.

"I mean ... that's like 50 hours a week.

It's doubtful that my husband could spend 50 unnoticed hours a week watching porn.

Something is fishy about this story ......."

I don't think most guys actually sit there and watch the whole porno... The stuff is usually corny so he's probably fast forwarding to the good parts and then moving onto the next video.

"....and somewhat disgusted." LOL!!!! U sicko! 😉

same here GB... not with food in the vicinity too ...just eeek...

AMW, that was informative 😉

I'm not sure of what the big deal is, to tell you the truth .. so, the guy likes to watch porn, what's wrong with that?

I get the impression that when this guy was living with roommate, before he moved in with girlfriend, that she found out about the porn and put pressure on him and this is why he said it was the roommate.

So, really, any of us would probably try to talk ourselves out of something if we felt like we were being caught at something we weren't suppose to be doing .. and this is the impression I get because seriously ..... if these two people weren't even living together, and porn was ordered at a bachelor's pad, and evidence of this was on the cable bill .... then who's business is it to even get upset and question these men about watching porn .. except maybe their mothers.

Seriously ... think about the tone that the below implies ..

"Before she moved she found a $ 500 porn bill, and he swore on their relationship that it wasn't him. Her angry roommate had moved out mad so they blamed her."

He had to make a swear? That would imply that his back was put against the wall about it, which would cause him to feel defensive.

What was she looking at his bills for anyway? To FIND something to reprimand him about?

Sounds to me like he has no option except to lie to her, because if told her the truth ... then he would probably get in trouble for being honest about liking porn .... and would probably have to make another false swear ... maybe the cat did it .. yeah, it was the cat.

"What was she looking at his bills for anyway? To FIND something to reprimand him about?"

um because it was $ 1000, most people don't miss that!!!! If you do, your an idiot.

The gf said they have sex lots, so she's not sure what to think.

I think the things she's freaked about, which I agree with is the $ 's spent on it & the OBSESSIVE porn watching. That can't be healthy.

Too much porn is how Ted Bundy went on his sexcrime killing spree's!

KEY NOTE: at least the bf is just watching & not doing.

"What was she looking at his bills for anyway? To FIND something to reprimand him about?"

um because it was $ 1000, most people don't miss that!!!! If you do, your an idiot.

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I was talking about before they started living together, and he was at his own place .... before their current living arrangement, this is when you said she found the 500 dollar one, where she must have questioned him about it in order for him to have to make a swear on it.

Don't be an idiot and pretend that you didn't understand what I wrote.

You asked all the Gems about it and they all said this would be no big deal for them .... it is a big deal for you however, because you have judgements about it. Would even equate him to Ted Bundy.

Seriously ... you should stay out of your friends personal relationship or you're going to find yourself less one friend .. because in the end, she's going to stand by her man.

Whether you believe me now or not is irrelevant ... when it happens, my voice will ring in your ear.

Good Luck.

Taurus you asked what we would do as a friend to the girl, so I will answer that.

I think I would take her away for an afternoon and have a good old heart to heart chat and really ask her, ?Do you want to live with this and feel like this for the rest of your life?? And then listen to the answer, her fears, her concerns, her betryal.

Change is always difficult and unfortunetly, this is her change to make as I highly doubt he is going to change. This is really an accept and reject thing. Personally, I think for her own emotional and physical health, she would be better off with the short-term pain of leaving the relationship than suffering through it.

P-angel, the $ 500 was at HER house, when he was always crashing & pretty much there all the time, before he moved in, when the ex roomie was also there. You are sure mean-spirited. My gf just is stressed & doesn't want to be played a fool, and know that I know her & her bf the best so she trusts my advise. My advise to her was to be on watch & make sure he know how she feels.

Thanks for your advise lil Sparrow - genuine.

and NO PROBLEMO for teh Bundy comparison, I was laughing when I wrote it. I like extreme dramatic comparisons. Sometimes they work, dammi!!! lol

You use a term that another poster in here uses .... curious ...

People who hide in shadows to gain strength are actually weak.

"Before she moved she found a $ 500 porn bill, and he swore on their relationship that it wasn't him. Her angry roommate had moved out mad so they blamed her"

Before she moved? Alright, I'll buy that it was her place where this $ 500 porn bill was found.

Why was her roommate angry?

It sounds to me as though there is something here much more important and an issue within this relationship than just porn watching. The watching of porn, and this getting upset over it, and his swears, and whatever else is going on ... are only reactions on the surface to each episode that happens.

If two people never really face their problems and just """""react"""" to emotions as they arise, without actually resolving anything for compatibility ... then they will find themselves doing things like ...

" ..so they blamed her"

Blame of somebody else is convenient, isn't it? It also means that they are in denial of facing relationship issues.

If you truly want to help your friend, then I would suggest you try and influence her to step up with maturity to actually face where they are struggling in the relationship, rather than accepting "swears", and placing "blame".

good luck

Blame is too convenient, agreed. I prefer solutions. I guess when people have emotions & ties we cover it up any way easiest.

Well, I'll be there is she wants to talk, and she knows that. I'm not getting THAT much in the middle. Just want to be prepped and clear when she needs some wisdom. We all know what couples are like when they are having problems! CLEAR!!!! eeeeeeeeeek