Sex w/Ex You Have A Child(ren) With

Recently I've had several conversations with a couple of acquaintances that were saying they were concerned that their boyfriends were having sex with their exes that happen to be the mother of their children. In these specific scenarios, none of these prior ex relationships were married to the boyfriends, they just now share children together.
Well, long and short is that I told all of these individuals (as these were conversations w/different people at different times) that the likelihood that the boyfriend would have sex w/the ex was significantly high; to which they all got pissed at me for saying that. So, I did my own mini fact finding and spoke to a couple of my friends who have children w/men they are no longer with, and all of them said that at some point they have had sex w/their exes when they knew they were with/dating other women.
One of my close girlfriends said to me, "Hell, the sex was always banging, so I'll do it until I don't want to anymore, cause I'm the one that controls whether or not we are f@&ing, not him."
I don't have any children, so I can't speak on that, but then again, I think that a large majority of men cheat anyway; regardless if it's with their exes or not, or regardless if they have children with them or not.
One of my male friends said he just always gets sucked in by the mother of his two daughters and does not know why. I just raised an eyebrow at him and shook my head.
I'm curious to hear others thoughts on this...

as a single mother of one child i can vouch for this...

yes, i have had sex a couple of times with my ex after i broke up with him. yes, he was dating other women but they were not serious and he had not had sex with them yet. just the typical dinner and movie scenario. now i would not do it if he were serious and especially if he was in an established relationship. then again neither would he. we're not cheaters. hell, i was dating too when i had sex with him but i was not serious either. it's like we were helping each other out in getting our rocks off while waiting and testing the waters with other ppl. he and i both love sex and we had good times together in that area. i haven't had sex with him in over a year now and i definitely won't now that i am sexually involved with someone else.

u really have to take things on a case-by-case basis with the individuals concerned. even though the sex was good, i am no longer attracted to my ex in that way. i really do see him in a completely platonic light. it sounds weird but it kinda makes me shudder a little thinking about having sex with him again. there is just absolutely no romantic spark there. that fire has long been exstinguished.

I don't have any children, but I can say that my ex-fiance that I was with for almost 8 years, I love him to death and always will, but there is NO sexual spark, on my end (although, he's tried w/me, and he lives w/his girlfriend). I believe that it's a natural thing that's likely going to happen, but these ladies I was talking to about it were not happy with my opinon. Oh well. My thing is, if you don't want to hear what I'm thinking, don't ask. To me, it's not a judgment call either way, as I don't care, to each his/her own, but they were very offended by my opinion. On the flip side they aren't my friends, they are just acquaintances, and when I asked my gf's about it that have kids they were all like, "Duh, it's gonna happen." Oh well.

My thing is, if you don't want to hear what I'm thinking, don't ask.


I've upset a few people with this very statement. It wasn't my intention but it happened -- it was currently a similar subject actually, only slightly different.

The subject didn't involve children, it just involved having sex with your ex right after breaking up.

Posted by cappysweetie
My thing is, if you don't want to hear what I'm thinking, don't ask.


I've upset a few people with this very statement. It wasn't my intention but it happened -- it was currently a similar subject actually, only slightly different.

The subject didn't involve children, it just involved having sex with your ex right after breaking up.

say it.

I think a child is access, that is there and will always be. A special and unique one too. It's not automatic that a man/woman will have sex with an ex he/she has a child with but the access is definitely there and will always be. In comparison to any other access any exes may have, a child is by far the most solid, reliable one. It won't depend, solely on the access though, I think the character of the individuals involved come into play as well but one can't deny that a child is a special and unique bridge between the parents, by nature. Their story and personal character will determine how they will use that bridge.

Posted by Rays Heart
I think a child is access, that is there and will always be. A special and unique one too. It's not automatic that a man/woman will have sex with an ex he/she has a child with but the access is definitely there and will always be. In comparison to any other access any exes may have, a child is by far the most solid, reliable one. It won't depend, solely on the access though, I think the character of the individuals involved come into play as well but one can't deny that a child is a special and unique bridge between the parents, by nature. Their story and personal character will determine how they will use that bridge.

Very diplomatically stated Ray 😉, but I wouldn't expect any less from you.

They were probably upset with your response, because they knew you were right, but would rather be in denial about it and hold on to the small chance that their instincts are wrong.

...or you were a total B about it, although that isn't very likely 😉

Hi Ray, by the way 🙂

Hello USC,

How are you? Interesting topic.

Hi MsP. NY lady, love the pic "wink" "wink"!

Thankyou Sweetie 🙂


Hows life up top?

It's good, getting busy and busier. Can't complain though. You know it's alive when it moves.

Posted by MsPisces.
...or you were a total B about it, although that isn't very likely 😉

LOL, no, I try to keep my bitchiness among friends and family members! But, I'm sure you are right; they definitely didn't like the response, and these are women that I don't think like the truth, because it's ugly. I don't live in a world of rose colored glasses. Sometimes things are beautiful, and sometimes things are downright disgusting - it's what makes the world go round!

Posted by Rays Heart
Hello USC,

How are you? Interesting topic.

I'm doing well Ray; getting busier, but that's a good thing. Miss seeing you around...but, I do know that "life" happens 🙂
Yes, it is an interesting topic; especially since I've had discussions with several different women about this in a months period of time.

Glad you're doing well. Missed u too, you're sure one of the special ones on here, as far as I'm concerned. As for this topic
I've had discussions about it too and I've seen a lot of people stuck in those situations around my way and this is what I came
to understand about it.

I say that it is true in ALOT of cases -

Just this past weekend I found out that my brother and his ex-wife/mother of his oldest son (22 y/o) are still occassionally sleeping together. Both are attached in realtionships.

TBH, this is one small reason why I don't date men with children.

It's NO wonder that women deal with Baby-Mama-Drama when unbeknownst to her her man is still dipping in the kool-aid.

Shame.

Posted by LibrasRule36!
I say that it is true in ALOT of cases -

Just this past weekend I found out that my brother and his ex-wife/mother of his oldest son (22 y/o) are still occassionally sleeping together. Both are attached in realtionships.

TBH, this is one small reason why I don't date men with children.

It's NO wonder that women deal with Baby-Mama-Drama when unbeknownst to her her man is still dipping in the kool-aid.

Shame.

Word. That's why I try to convey to my male friends NOT to sleep w/the mother of their children (if they aren't together) or really any of their exes because if you sleep with a woman --- most of them are going to think there is still a chance to reconcile. The men aren't stupid, they know this. I hear more damn excuses women make for men it really makes me want to gag most of the time. I'm like this, "Call a spade a spade; you want to have sex with him still by any means necessary and are hopeful something will come from this." At least be honest to yourself, even if you lie to every damn body else.
LibraRules36, that's another reason why I think now I attract a lot of younger men, because I don't have any kids, and 50% of them don't either (YET, LOL). I only messed around with one person with kids, but it wasn't any big deal because I wasn't trying to be w/him in a serious relationship. We'd known each other awhile, and when me and my ex-fiance broke up we kicked it for a minute. Now, some of the people I dated in the past few years, almost all of them have one or two kids now, and they are like always hounding to get back with me, and I'm like, "Umm yeah, I don't WANT or NEED any drama from some woman, 'cause she WILL get cussed out. I mean no disrespect, but I don't want somebody in my face." Some of them date/dated women that I just shake my head at. I have nothing against the children at all, it's the parents because they play games with one another and then wonder why their s@hit is all messed up. I don't have time for games, and I'm not going to be a part of that stuff. Period.

Posted by scorpio_chic
And I guess this would be why HIV is spreading at an alarming rate day after day. Women sleeping with their exes while their ex is sleeping with their new girlfriend & baby mama probably has a new boyfriend that she is humping too, so they're all just spreading horrific germs around to each other.

W.h.o.r.e.s....... w.h.o.r.e.s. galore.

I'm just sayin though....

this isn't a new concept. ppl in so-called "monogamous" relationships cheat all the time. HIV spreads so prevalently because ppl get stupid in the heat of the moment and don't use protection. all it takes is that one person. even if you choose to be sexually faithful to one person that doesn't mean they will remain faithful to u. besides, we spread icky germs to each other all the time and it's mostly air borne.

Posted by LibrasRule36!
I say that it is true in ALOT of cases -

Just this past weekend I found out that my brother and his ex-wife/mother of his oldest son (22 y/o) are still occassionally sleeping together. Both are attached in realtionships.

TBH, this is one small reason why I don't date men with children.

It's NO wonder that women deal with Baby-Mama-Drama when unbeknownst to her her man is still dipping in the kool-aid.

Shame.

that's really a shame. my ex is seriously quite a catch! he's tall, good looking, wealthy, successful, intelligent, charming, witty, loving, affectionate, respectful, responsible, dependable, mature, and, what many women LOVE, is a serial monogamist! i don't think u should use this topic as a reason why u don't date men with children. it sounds like a cop out. if u were really honest it would be more like,"i don't really like children all that much and i don't want to deal with them". that would be a great, respectable answer. a lot of the times the baby-mama-drama isn't because of sex. it's usually regarding the struggles over the care of the child. most of the drama i see happens when one parent isn't doing their part. custody issues, child support, visitation, etc. often there's no sex because they're too repulsed by each other!

Posted by ninjamu

Posted by LibrasRule36!
I say that it is true in ALOT of cases -

Just this past weekend I found out that my brother and his ex-wife/mother of his oldest son (22 y/o) are still occassionally sleeping together. Both are attached in realtionships.

TBH, this is one small reason why I don't date men with children.

It's NO wonder that women deal with Baby-Mama-Drama when unbeknownst to her her man is still dipping in the kool-aid.

Shame.

that's really a shame. my ex is seriously quite a catch! he's tall, good looking, wealthy, successful, intelligent, charming, witty, loving, affectionate, respectful, responsible, dependable, mature, and, what many women LOVE, is a serial monogamist! i don't think u should use this topic as a reason why u don't date men with children. it sounds like a cop out. if u were really honest it would be more like,"i don't really like children all that much and i don't want to deal with them". that would be a great, respectable answer. a lot of the times the baby-mama-drama isn't because of sex. it's usually regarding the struggles over the care of the child. most of the drama i see happens when one parent isn't doing their part. custody issues, child support, visitation, etc. often there's no sex because they're too repulsed by each other!

click to expand

You just said a mouthful but never-the-less your experience is YOUR experience AND mine is MINE = Different POV, realities, and perceptions. My preferences and reasons for not dating men with children won't change. Nor is it a cop-out or dishonest, thank you. IMHO, if what you say is true, your Ex is an exception NOT the rule. Plenty of men possess some, if not all, the same qualities of your Ex BUT at the end of the day - they DON'T choose monogomy. That's a FACT. Can you prove otherwise?

BTW - Are you projecting your feelings unto me with this: if u were really honest it would be more like,"i don't really like children all that much and i don't want to deal with them". that would be a great, respectable answer.

You don't know me to make that assertion or draw that conclusion - Stay in your lane.

Posted by USCTaurusGal

Posted by LibrasRule36!
I say that it is true in ALOT of cases -

Just this past weekend I found out that my brother and his ex-wife/mother of his oldest son (22 y/o) are still occassionally sleeping together. Both are attached in realtionships.

TBH, this is one small reason why I don't date men with children.

It's NO wonder that women deal with Baby-Mama-Drama when unbeknownst to her her man is still dipping in the kool-aid.

Shame.

Word. That's why I try to convey to my male friends NOT to sleep w/the mother of their children (if they aren't together) or really any of their exes because if you sleep with a woman --- most of them are going to think there is still a chance to reconcile. The men aren't stupid, they know this. I hear more damn excuses women make for men it really makes me want to gag most of the time. I'm like this, "Call a spade a spade; you want to have sex with him still by any means necessary and are hopeful something will come from this." At least be honest to yourself, even if you lie to every damn body else.
LibraRules36, that's another reason why I think now I attract a lot of younger men, because I don't have any kids, and 50% of them don't either (YET, LOL). I only messed around with one person with kids, but it wasn't any big deal because I wasn't trying to be w/him in a serious relationship. We'd known each other awhile, and when me and my ex-fiance broke up we kicked it for a minute. Now, some of the people I dated in the past few years, almost all of them have one or two kids now, and they are like always hounding to get back with me, and I'm like, "Umm yeah, I don't WANT or NEED any drama from some woman, 'cause she WILL get cussed out. I mean no disrespect, but I don't want somebody in my face." Some of them date/dated women that I just shake my head at. I have nothing against the children at all, it's the parents because they play games with one another and then wonder why their s@hit is all messed up. I don't have time for games, and I'm not going to be a part of that stuff. Period.

click to expand

Yeah, sometimes men cause major drama while attempting to get a piece. The GF doesn't know what he's putting in the BM's ear and vice-versa. All I can do is try to choose the best suitor for me - and that is a man with no kids, disease-free,

Continued -

drug-free, responsible, and trust-worthy. Make sure he's compatible and meets my standards and I his. The rest - let the chips fall where they may and deal accordingly. (Can't control a person and/or their actions - but we have the freedom of CHOICE - my choice is not to date men with children.)

PS - I am certain there are 'stand up' good guys with kids who know how to keep their sex at home but there are far too many who do not.

Posted by LibrasRule36!

PS - I am certain there are 'stand up' good guys with kids who know how to keep their sex at home but there are far too many who do not.

Farrrrr too many who do not! One of my hairstylist was dating this guy who had 8 kids by 5 different women—? My question is WHY— Why would he want to subject himself to all that drama. I'm a woman, and I would HATE to have to answer to 5 different women! That would so suck, in my opinion. It's obvious he really doesn't have his ish together, and he's just stringing all these women along...despite the fact my hairstylist (allegedly) believed all the crap he was shoveling down her throat. I'm like, let the circumstances speak for themselves. I don't need ANYBODY to tell me that if I meet a man who has 8 kids by 5 different women, that I need to keep on moving and NEVAH' look back! I also have a friend from highschool who has 4 kids by a girl w/went to highschool with, plus he has 2 others, by 2 other women. Incidentally, the one he has 4 with, she WAS married (to someone else) when they had the 4th—? Obviously her husband didn't take too kindly to that and left her a $ $ . Sigh.

It also depends on how the relationship ended I suppose. One could surmise that if you ended going out with someone but still kept a friendship of some sort, then it lends itself to a little "something something" if both people are okay with it and are adults.

Sex can be special. Sometimes sex is just sex.

You just said a mouthful but never-the-less your experience is YOUR experience AND mine is MINE = Different POV, realities, and perceptions. My preferences and reasons for not dating men with children won't change. Nor is it a cop-out or dishonest, thank you. IMHO, if what you say is true, your Ex is an exception NOT the rule. Plenty of men possess some, if not all, the same qualities of your Ex BUT at the end of the day - they DON'T choose monogomy. That's a FACT. Can you prove otherwise?

BTW - Are you projecting your feelings unto me with this: if u were really honest it would be more like,"i don't really like children all that much and i don't want to deal with them". that would be a great, respectable answer.

You don't know me to make that assertion or draw that conclusion - Stay in your lane.



whoa ho ho... didn't mean to step on any toes there. it's true, maybe he is an exception. i'm not projecting any feelings, i just don't buy what ur saying is all. i don't really care who u choose to date. i just think it sucks for ppl like my ex to be excluded cuz he's a pretty awesome guy and his son has actually made him a better man. then again it also spares him from wasting his time. if u say it's a fact they don't choose monogamy then i guess it's a fact... but can u prove it?

i didn't mean to imply that i've drawn any conclusions, i'm just telling u what it sounds like to me from my POV. i'm not judging. no need to get the defenses up. u shouldn't let my opinions, or anyone else's, bother u this much. it's not worth it. i have nothing against u and i mean no disrespect. we can agree to disagree and call it a day, no? however, i do reserve the right to veer all over the road at any given time.

I didn't really want to come out and say it because I may (hope not) be in that very situation one day where I'm single with kids but I never dated guys with children either. I just didn't want the mama drama. There is a connection there that can't and shouldn't be broken but at the same time I think the boundry lines gets really fuzzy between parents.
Fact is if two people make a child together there is gonna be a bond. Sometimes I think parents think they have a "right" to get back with the parent of their child. I'd feel too much like an outsider. I wouldn't want to step over the line of telling someone what they can and can't do with the mother of their children.
See? It's just kinda messy so I avoided it all together.

It's not that I don't like kids at all. It's the "thing" between the parents.

Posted by ninjamu
You just said a mouthful but never-the-less your experience is YOUR experience AND mine is MINE = Different POV, realities, and perceptions. My preferences and reasons for not dating men with children won't change. Nor is it a cop-out or dishonest, thank you. IMHO, if what you say is true, your Ex is an exception NOT the rule. Plenty of men possess some, if not all, the same qualities of your Ex BUT at the end of the day - they DON'T choose monogomy. That's a FACT. Can you prove otherwise?

BTW - Are you projecting your feelings unto me with this: if u were really honest it would be more like,"i don't really like children all that much and i don't want to deal with them". that would be a great, respectable answer.

You don't know me to make that assertion or draw that conclusion - Stay in your lane.

whoa ho ho... didn't mean to step on any toes there. it's true, maybe he is an exception. i'm not projecting any feelings, i just don't buy what ur saying is all. i don't really care who u choose to date. i just think it sucks for ppl like my ex to be excluded cuz he's a pretty awesome guy and his son has actually made him a better man. then again it also spares him from wasting his time. if u say it's a fact they don't choose monogamy then i guess it's a fact... but can u prove it?

i didn't mean to imply that i've drawn any conclusions, i'm just telling u what it sounds like to me from my POV. i'm not judging. no need to get the defenses up. u shouldn't let my opinions, or anyone else's, bother u this much. it's not worth it. i have nothing against u and i mean no disrespect. we can agree to disagree and call it a day, no? however, i do reserve the right to veer all over the road at any given time.



I find your post humorous and contradictory at best, Ninjamu. Think & conclude whatever you want - I've said what I wanted to say. And you don't have to like it or buy it for a $ 1.00. Don't throw rocks and then hide your hand. You certainly did intend (and attempt to be disrespectful to me, indeed). Who are YOU anyway? Certainly not someone who I need to "buy" or "repsect" my personal choices. Girl, please. When you can refrain from calling me a liar then I'll have nothing to be "bothered about".

Yeah, you can drive all over the road or wreck-out I could care less - Do you. Just know that when you say some off-the-wall bullshit to me I

I will check you on it.

PS - If your Ex is all that you claim to be I'm sure you aren't the only woman whose ENLIGHTENED enough to recognize a good catch/man when it presents it/himself to her - children and all.

Posted by Gingerscorp
I didn't really want to come out and say it because I may (hope not) be in that very situation one day where I'm single with kids but I never dated guys with children either. I just didn't want the mama drama. There is a connection there that can't and shouldn't be broken but at the same time I think the boundry lines gets really fuzzy between parents.
Fact is if two people make a child together there is gonna be a bond. Sometimes I think parents think they have a "right" to get back with the parent of their child. I'd feel too much like an outsider. I wouldn't want to step over the line of telling someone what they can and can't do with the mother of their children.
See? It's just kinda messy so I avoided it all together.

It's not that I don't like kids at all. It's the "thing" between the parents.

That's exactly my sentiment. Especially the Outsider part.