rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
13 Years10,000+ Posts
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
The brainwashed concept of marriage and babies
That said, considering the reality of both of these scenarios, why does our society continue to hide said reality and insist on feeding the delusion of these situations?
It's clear marriage is not the be all in life, especially if you aren't ready. Divorce rates seem to illustrate this, yet in 2015 we still see so many women obsess over this goal. We're seeing a major backslide where women are obsessed with this mentality and guys are returning to being chauvinist pigs. I cannot even begin to explain the wtfery when I had a coworker go on about how she was FINALLY engaged and didn't think it would EVER happen! My immediate thoughts were “...how sad.” I mean she really felt no worth until her boyfriend put a ring on it? Dahell is going on here??
Why in 2015 do we have so many young women confusing what will really make them happy with the pressures of society? Maybe I'm more aware of it now since I'm surrounded by it, but I thought we were beyond this dated thinking. I wouldn't think much of it all if I wasn't seeing the opposite of what they think they're chasing- utter unhappiness.
Again, this isn't about those who chose wisely and are happy in their current marriage/baby situation. I have several friends who knew what they wanted and are happy with their status. My main point is that our society is still directing women into these life roles when it's obvious it will not make them happy. The sad thing is that the response for any dissent on the situation is “oh you'll change your mind,” or “you'll feel differently when you're in that position,” which are all passive and brainwashed responses to allowing such bs to happen. Why does our society encourage women to just deal with it and not counter these dated stereotypes? It's leading to a lot of unhappy people. The sheer volume I've seen around me has been quite disturbing and disheartening. :/
This isn't anti marriage or relationships. I'm all for people being in these situations, but I'm also a proponent of them being happy in these situations- not miserable and forcing it to work because society told them this is what they HAVE to do in life to seem "normal."
It's clear marriage is not the be all in life, especially if you aren't ready. Divorce rates seem to illustrate this, yet in 2015 we still see so many women obsess over this goal. We're seeing a major backslide where women are obsessed with this mentality and guys are returning to being chauvinist pigs. I cannot even begin to explain the wtfery when I had a coworker go on about how she was FINALLY engaged and didn't think it would EVER happen! My immediate thoughts were “...how sad.” I mean she really felt no worth until her boyfriend put a ring on it? Dahell is going on here??
Why in 2015 do we have so many young women confusing what will really make them happy with the pressures of society? Maybe I'm more aware of it now since I'm surrounded by it, but I thought we were beyond this dated thinking. I wouldn't think much of it all if I wasn't seeing the opposite of what they think they're chasing- utter unhappiness.
Again, this isn't about those who chose wisely and are happy in their current marriage/baby situation. I have several friends who knew what they wanted and are happy with their status. My main point is that our society is still directing women into these life roles when it's obvious it will not make them happy. The sad thing is that the response for any dissent on the situation is “oh you'll change your mind,” or “you'll feel differently when you're in that position,” which are all passive and brainwashed responses to allowing such bs to happen. Why does our society encourage women to just deal with it and not counter these dated stereotypes? It's leading to a lot of unhappy people. The sheer volume I've seen around me has been quite disturbing and disheartening. :/
This isn't anti marriage or relationships. I'm all for people being in these situations, but I'm also a proponent of them being happy in these situations- not miserable and forcing it to work because society told them this is what they HAVE to do in life to seem "normal."
TL😄R
Happy feminism.
Happy feminism.
Posted by WhiteChocolateOf course it isn't. I think part of the problem is that many seem to go into it like it's no big deal, and then their idea of marriage is shattered when it goes to shit. Marriage is hard work and you have to take it seriously, yet we have people jumping in immaturely, thinking it's a long term version of dating.
Marriage isn't easy. There are a lot of millenials that avoid anything that requires effort so IDK they still bother with marriage.
Maybe this is part of the problem where women go wrong- they jump in because it's "marriage" but don't think twice about how much srs business it really is. Guys are equally as guilty. I get tired of them acting like it's some death sentence and they were "tricked" into it. Some exceptions aside, guys made the choice to get married just as much as she did, so I don't get the victimizing stance on marriage with those dudes.
Again, we've built up this delusion about what marriage really is and people continue to perpetuate it. All it does is make people unhappy.
Posted by HemispheresSo you see women as second class citizens who shouldn't have the same rights as men? That's the impression I get with your immature throwing around of what you think feminism is. Your ignorance is astounding.
TL😄R
Happy feminism.
That's okay though. You don't have any intellect to comment properly on the issue anyway. No loss, really. Bye felicia. Let the adults talk here.
Posted by WhiteChocolateOf course. Dating is exhausting haha. It's why I stopped giving a fuck about any of it. It'll happen when it happens. Too many crazies to weed through.
Yeah IDK why people think it's easy.
They must think it's always going to be like the infatuation phase.
No, it's not.
That being said...I'd rather deal with the work I put into my marriage vs the work of dating. Anyday.
Posted by WhiteChocolateHave you seen the gen X members on here?? Literally full of unmarried women and men. Idk why it shocked me given this is an astrology forums. How do you guys expect the millennials to learn from anything when you guys occupy the highest divorce rates. Personally I've seen too many unmarried millennials with children. It's annoying because these very same people are some of the most unhappiest, salty people.
Marriage isn't easy. There are a lot of millenials that avoid anything that requires effort so IDK they still bother with marriage.
Posted by rockyroadicecream
This all has been an observation I've made over the last year or two from those I've interacted with. Before anyone gets upset and freaks out, there is nothing wrong with this generally. It's the motivation, or lack thereof, behind this concept for some.
My workplace is teeming with girls who are fixated on your traditional "get married and have babies" concept. It kind of reminds me of Mona Lisa Smile, where sure, they went to school and the like, but didn't bother doing anything with it and just fixated on settling down and popping out crotch droppings. They see this as the ultimate goal and are always so excited about it when it does happen.
Whatever, good for them. To each their own.
But the reason I find it really strange is the stuff I see behind this brainwashed facade of "happiness." One instance, she's barely married a few months and she's already freaking out about him going out and going on about divorcing him already because she just can't stand he has a social life outside of her.
Another was going on about the lack of responsibility from her husband and how he's useless with the kids and keeps fucking around, despite his claims of wanting to get married. In other words, she's unhappy he's not stepping up like he should and they're married.
One, who's a friend of mine, just intends to stay stuck in her marriage that should likely end. He's cheated, they're both unhappy and barely have sex. They only stay together out of convenience and she's only in her early 30s. It seems far too young to stay together "just because."
All around me, I see, mostly women, striving for the dated goal of getting married and having kids, only to end up miserable and constantly questioning their life choices.
The funny thing is that if you dare question the "sanctity" of this concept, people will immediately fight for the idea. How dare we question such a thing! That's just how it is! Nevermind people are ignoring the obvious issue here- the delusion of this being WHAT life is ultimately about for every single person is clearly not working for many. The sad part is that many haven't figured this out until it's too late and there's kids and legal issues involved.
Same goes for "whoops, baby" incidents. Am I the only one who falters in saying "congratulations" when someone is clearly accidentally pregnant? They weren't planning on that shit. In many cases, they aren't financially stable, not ready maturely, etc. They're probably freaking out, not sure what to do, realizing how much their life is about to change, and people fling around "congratulations!" So because a "baby" is involved, it's supposed to mean immediate joy? This came to mind again because today someone I know announced her pregnancy with "maternity pictures." She's barely 21, it's an accident, and
Nothing new here. Women suck at making life decisions.
Posted by littlemegabyteHaha, I grew up in the south and I totally get what you're saying. Getting married and having babies, that's the way of life and that's all there is to do there. I've had friends ask if I wanted to move back and I'm like hell no. I told another friend out there about how I kept getting asked that and she said the same thing. "Why would you want to move back here? There's nothing to do besides getting married and having babies! haha"
I like whenever they have no life goals whatsoever before, and then when they get married and have children in their early twenties, their life goal is now to go to the store without their child breaking something (I saw this on my Facebook the other day.) I live in the south and people are generally married, have at least one kid, and are divorced by 25. They get married because that is what they "are supposed to do."
It's not surprising considering it is the bible belt. That's the way of life. I think a lot of premature marriages happen because people just want to have sex.
Posted by Ands2016That's a really retarded conclusion and incredibly sexist. Do elaborate, Ands. I'd love to see what your assbackwards culture has to say about women's role in society.
i think you guys are lucky to have finding a mate as your biggest problem.click to expand
It's definitely a case of "careful what you wish for".
Marriage is much harder work than I'd ever imagined.
With every significant decision I make, he's equally in the equation. Compromise and adaptability are skills I've really had to develop.
I have someone who's deeply emotionally invested in me and depends on me (and me with him as well). Meaning I've had to live a much less risky lifestyle (ie no backpacking alone in India, no BASE jumping, etc).
And then there's the fact that we're around each other almost constantly other than work or the occasional girls/boys night out. So I don't have the luxury of having my own space/way when I don't feel "on". So when I'm exhausted after a long day and hubby's all over me like a puppy, I've learned how to carve out some breathing room tactfully.
Fuck, gifts alone are a preparatory ordeal. He's an ESFJ, and he's big on anniversaries and holidays/birthdays, and he really prefers creative heartfelt handmade types of gifts. So that alone is damn work, hah. We exchange gifts like 6 times a year. 0.0
These are just small examples, but my point is, marriage requires full investment. But for me, it is so worth it. I have my best friend for life, and I am incredibly grateful. We make a rock solid team.
But if someone is desperate for marriage just to not look "wrong" to society, that shallow motivation can't possibly be converted into full investment that's required.
It's just unfortunate that society imposes this expectation at all. Because if everyone who isn't up for the marriage/kids lifestyle remained single, then even if some of them change their mind when they're older (a big if), then there'd be plenty of others in that same boat.
So either they're happily single for life, or they marry only when they're truly ready, without having any divorces or unhappy marriages.
The only way the stigma can go away is if everyone disregards it.
Marriage is much harder work than I'd ever imagined.
With every significant decision I make, he's equally in the equation. Compromise and adaptability are skills I've really had to develop.
I have someone who's deeply emotionally invested in me and depends on me (and me with him as well). Meaning I've had to live a much less risky lifestyle (ie no backpacking alone in India, no BASE jumping, etc).
And then there's the fact that we're around each other almost constantly other than work or the occasional girls/boys night out. So I don't have the luxury of having my own space/way when I don't feel "on". So when I'm exhausted after a long day and hubby's all over me like a puppy, I've learned how to carve out some breathing room tactfully.
Fuck, gifts alone are a preparatory ordeal. He's an ESFJ, and he's big on anniversaries and holidays/birthdays, and he really prefers creative heartfelt handmade types of gifts. So that alone is damn work, hah. We exchange gifts like 6 times a year. 0.0
These are just small examples, but my point is, marriage requires full investment. But for me, it is so worth it. I have my best friend for life, and I am incredibly grateful. We make a rock solid team.
But if someone is desperate for marriage just to not look "wrong" to society, that shallow motivation can't possibly be converted into full investment that's required.
It's just unfortunate that society imposes this expectation at all. Because if everyone who isn't up for the marriage/kids lifestyle remained single, then even if some of them change their mind when they're older (a big if), then there'd be plenty of others in that same boat.
So either they're happily single for life, or they marry only when they're truly ready, without having any divorces or unhappy marriages.
The only way the stigma can go away is if everyone disregards it.
Posted by SassyKiwiIt's because they did life wrong, tbh.Posted by WhiteChocolateHave you seen the gen X members on here?? Literally full of unmarried women and men. Idk why it shocked me given this is an astrology forums. How do you guys expect the millennials to learn from anything when you guys occupy the highest divorce rates. Personally I've seen too many unmarried millennials with children. It's annoying because these very same people are some of the most unhappiest, salty people.
Marriage isn't easy. There are a lot of millenials that avoid anything that requires effort so IDK they still bother with marriage.click to expand
That's why I've been kind of saddened by what I've seen around me. A lot of it is because of the place I work at now. Larger volume of people and a whole different type compared to my previous job. It's been a running joke that every where you turn there, most of the girls are talking about marriage or their pregnancies. It's kind of depressing, actually haha.
But then I take a closer look and the sad thing is that some of these girls have nothing else going for them and this is why this shit has become their life, or they think that it will solve their unhappiness (getting married and having babies). With some, they've realized that this isn't the solution and now they're kinda stuck in a situation that isn't ideal and now they're even more miserable.
If this is so apparent, why are people blindly encouraging to do this stuff when some clearly shouldn't be pursuing this as THE life goal? Personally, most of the people who I see encourage this mindset come from really dated, sexist cultures/mindsets.
Posted by mmmcrunchyBasically.
It's definitely a case of "careful what you wish for".
Marriage is much harder work than I'd ever imagined.
With every significant decision I make, he's equally in the equation. Compromise and adaptability are skills I've really had to develop.
I have someone who's deeply emotionally invested in me and depends on me (and me with him as well). Meaning I've had to live a much less risky lifestyle (ie no backpacking alone in India, no BASE jumping, etc).
And then there's the fact that we're around each other almost constantly other than work or the occasional girls/boys night out. So I don't have the luxury of having my own space/way when I don't feel "on". So when I'm exhausted after a long day and hubby's all over me like a puppy, I've learned how to carve out some breathing room tactfully.
Fuck, gifts alone are a preparatory ordeal. He's an ESFJ, and he's big on anniversaries and holidays/birthdays, and he really prefers creative heartfelt handmade types of gifts. So that alone is damn work, hah. We exchange gifts like 6 times a year. 0.0
These are just small examples, but my point is, marriage requires full investment. But for me, it is so worth it. I have my best friend for life, and I am incredibly grateful. We make a rock solid team.
But if someone is desperate for marriage just to not look "wrong" to society, that shallow motivation can't possibly be converted into full investment that's required.
It's just unfortunate that society imposes this expectation at all. Because if everyone who isn't up for the marriage/kids lifestyle remained single, then even if some of them change their mind when they're older (a big if), then there'd be plenty of others in that same boat.
So either they're happily single for life, or they marry only when they're truly ready, without having any divorces or unhappy marriages.
The only way the stigma can go away is if everyone disregards it.
I do have one coworker, who I LOVE, who doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. Her reasoning. "Why? I'm happy right now." She's focusing on school and getting her life together and doesn't see any need for a relationship at the moment. It's so freaking refreshing to see independent thinking like that in that place.
What industry do you work in? Is this in a religious-oriented area?
Posted by mmmcrunchyNope. Just serving/restaurant.
What industry do you work in? Is this in a religious-oriented area?
My old one was a lot of single people, some married, and a few single moms.
This one is more like single vs engaged/married. ...with a LOT of engaged/having babies shortly after marriage. Haven't been able to figure out why it's so concentrated in our work place. Serving usually is a mix of a little of everything.
Posted by rockyroadicecreamI think he was referring to our society, not women, specifically.
That's a really retarded conclusion and incredibly sexist. Do elaborate, Ands. I'd love to see what your assbackwards culture has to say about women's role in society.
Anyway, I agree that a lot of people do rush into marriage or they go into it for the wrong reasons. Marriage is a life-long partnership, and people should only marry when they are good and ready.
However, I do believe that a lot of women genuinely desire marriage and children, not due to societal pressures, but because those things are what truly make them happy. Speaking for myself, and I may be the odd girl here, but I feel that happiness is best when shared with someone else. What good is all the spare time in the world, if you've got no one who loves you to treasure those experiences with? Friendships can only go so far, after all. But again, that's just my own line of thinking.
And I don't know about the men, but I feel like for most women, a lot of the stress is internal, rather than external. We're all aware that the chances of birth defects and complications start increasing significantly once a woman hits her mid 30s. So for the women who do want kids, simply going with the flow is a lot easier said than done. We can fight outside influences, but we can't fight mother nature.
Posted by Ands2016It's still a nonsensical statement. Who is "you guys?" then? Why did you come to the conclusion that this is one's "biggest problem?"
what i said has nothing to do with gender but i guess you could read it that way. a guy would be lucky too if his biggest problem is finding a wife/ dating. also we've had 2 female presidents. idk whatchu talking bout.
Made zero sense, dear. Especially after your elaboration.
Posted by FleshpotDid you not read the original post?
I think he was referring to our society, not women, specifically.
Anyway, I agree that a lot of people do rush into marriage or they go into it for the wrong reasons. Marriage is a life-long partnership, and people should only marry when they are good and ready.
However, I do believe that a lot of women genuinely desire marriage and children, not due to societal pressures, but because those things are what truly make them happy. Speaking for myself, and I may be the odd girl here, but I feel that happiness is best when shared with someone else. What good is all the spare time in the world, if you've got no one who loves you to treasure those experiences with? Friendships can only go so far, after all. But again, that's just my own line of thinking.
And I don't know about the men, but I feel like for most women, a lot of the stress is internal, rather than external. We're all aware that the chances of birth defects and complications start increasing significantly once a woman hits her mid 30s. So for the women who do want kids, simply going with the flow is a lot easier said than done. We can fight outside influences, but we can't fight mother nature.click to expand
I don't think you did, or you wouldn't be defending women who willingly choose to do this on their own accord and actually do it with serious intent.
"This post isn't about x, it's about y."
"WELL I'M GOING TO DEFEND X ANYWAY." *facepalm*
There's always one silly bitch who has to go and do this. It's really annoying and takes away from the original point, tbh. It just tells me that you took some sort of personal offense to it.
PS- I highly doubt the stress is "internal." That outdated thinking of biological clocks isn't exactly a logical argument here. How about less "I feel" and more "I think," yeah?
Posted by Rambunctious76Which is fucked.Posted by Ands2016Yes. Long term investment - children are not seen as the products of a love union but as security blankets for the future.Posted by Rambunctious76oh coz they take care of them in old age?
Over where I am, the idea of a woman becoming a head of state is unimaginable, despite us already being 1st world. The people here often get married because it is seen as a long term benefit, financially. Tax relief, rebates, a discount price in public housing for newlyweds etc. etc.
To summarise, over here marriage and children are viewed as long-term investments, financially.click to expand
I've heard this argument when people state that they may not want kids.
"BUT WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU??"
You selfish fuck, that is not why you have kids. Popping out kids for your own insurance when you get old and piss your pants is not cool. No wonder kids are committing suicide on that side of the world so often. The pressure they have to do well in life is all about their parents and not their own will or desire. Must be a sad existence.
Posted by Rambunctious76Where in my post did I say that this was the most of people's problems here?Posted by Ands2016Ands meant the level of poverty and unemployment. Not gender.Posted by rockyroadicecreamwhat i said has nothing to do with gender but i guess you could read it that way. a guy would be lucky too if his biggest problem is finding a wife/ dating. also we've had 2 female presidents. idk whatchu talking bout.Posted by littlemegabyteHaha, I grew up in the south and I totally get what you're saying. Getting married and having babies, that's the way of life and that's all there is to do there. I've had friends ask if I wanted to move back and I'm like hell no. I told another friend out there about how I kept getting asked that and she said the same thing. "Why would you want to move back here? There's nothing to do besides getting married and having babies! haha"
I like whenever they have no life goals whatsoever before, and then when they get married and have children in their early twenties, their life goal is now to go to the store without their child breaking something (I saw this on my Facebook the other day.) I live in the south and people are generally married, have at least one kid, and are divorced by 25. They get married because that is what they "are supposed to do."
It's not surprising considering it is the bible belt. That's the way of life. I think a lot of premature marriages happen because people just want to have sex.
Posted by Ands2016That's a really retarded conclusion and incredibly sexist. Do elaborate, Ands. I'd love to see what your assbackwards culture has to say about women's role in society.
i think you guys are lucky to have finding a mate as your biggest problem.
It's interesting to note, some of the most sexist nations in Asia have had female heads of state. e.g. Indira Gandhi and Benazir Bhutto.click to expand
His comment was out of the blue and kind of unfounded, tbh, hence the wtfery.
Posted by WhiteChocolateExactly.
Marriage isn't easy. There are a lot of millenials that avoid anything that requires effort so IDK they still bother with marriage.
Posted by SassyKiwiAnd the VERY few of us on this site is not a true representation of our generation. There are LOTS of Gen X'ers who are married and very happy.Posted by WhiteChocolateHave you seen the gen X members on here?? Literally full of unmarried women and men. Idk why it shocked me given this is an astrology forums. How do you guys expect the millennials to learn from anything when you guys occupy the highest divorce rates. Personally I've seen too many unmarried millennials with children. It's annoying because these very same people are some of the most unhappiest, salty people.
Marriage isn't easy. There are a lot of millenials that avoid anything that requires effort so IDK they still bother with marriage.click to expand
Posted by littlemegabyteIn the south, many of them get married just to get out of their parent's house and away from their parent's rules.
I like whenever they have no life goals whatsoever before, and then when they get married and have children in their early twenties, their life goal is now to go to the store without their child breaking something (I saw this on my Facebook the other day.) I live in the south and people are generally married, have at least one kid, and are divorced by 25. They get married because that is what they "are supposed to do."
Posted by littlemegabyteOh yeah. The ultimatum is a problem. Every relationship advice column says a couple should be talking marriage after being together one year. Often times they suggest the ultimatum to get the man to step up. They forgePosted by rockyroadicecreamYea and another friend of mine who had a child at 18 told me the other day "Well I'm fixin to dump him (the father of the child) if he doesn't marry me by the time I am 25, I want to have more kids and I have already waited long enough!"Posted by littlemegabyteHaha, I grew up in the south and I totally get what you're saying. Getting married and having babies, that's the way of life and that's all there is to do there. I've had friends ask if I wanted to move back and I'm like hell no. I told another friend out there about how I kept getting asked that and she said the same thing. "Why would you want to move back here? There's nothing to do besides getting married and having babies! haha"
I like whenever they have no life goals whatsoever before, and then when they get married and have children in their early twenties, their life goal is now to go to the store without their child breaking something (I saw this on my Facebook the other day.) I live in the south and people are generally married, have at least one kid, and are divorced by 25. They get married because that is what they "are supposed to do."
It's not surprising considering it is the bible belt. That's the way of life. I think a lot of premature marriages happen because people just want to have sex.
Posted by Ands2016That's a really retarded conclusion and incredibly sexist. Do elaborate, Ands. I'd love to see what your assbackwards culture has to say about women's role in society.
i think you guys are lucky to have finding a mate as your biggest problem.
Because that is how you get a man to put a ring on your finger. That's the exact situation that causes mistake-marriages. The women giving ultimatums. He already cheated on her once, and he is not even into her anymore. But instead of them both realizing that they made a mistake when they were 17 years old, they stay in a dead relationship because they need to make it work and be married for the child. As if he was some catch to begin with, especially after he cheated on her lmao. Bible belt aside, the South does have it's charm about it.
And also, Ew @ Ands statement. Who ever said that finding a mate was our biggest problem? More like a nonfactor. I got 99 probs and "finding a mate" isn't single damn one of them.click to expand
And don't forget the biological clock. Women only have until a certain age to have children. So, they are feeling pressure from themselves to find a partner to go through this process with and to raise a child with.
Posted by truecapPosted by littlemegabytePosted by rockyroadicecreamPosted by littlemegabyteCut me off...
>
Oh yeah. The ultimatum is a problem. Every relationship advice column says a couple should be talking marriage after being together one year. Often times they suggest the ultimatum to get the man to step up. They forgeclick to expand
Those relationship advice columns forget that the man must actually want to get married on his own to be happy in marriage. Pressuring him or threatening him is not a good start to a marriage. Resentment can build up and the woman will also wonder whether this was what he truly wanted to do.
Same goes for those "shotgun" weddings where people get pregnant and get married to "save face". Both could feel trapped and possibly resentful, which is a relationship killer.
I don't understand the rush to get married either, quite frankly. It is a big decision, a huge life changer.
Couple should date 2-4 years before making that decision. Sure, dating that long doesn't guarantee happiness, but it does reduce the risk for "surprises" in someone's personality.
Couple should date 2-4 years before making that decision. Sure, dating that long doesn't guarantee happiness, but it does reduce the risk for "surprises" in someone's personality.
Posted by truecapthis here pisses me off. why the fuck are women able to easily have kids when they're irresponsible kids themselves, but for the portion of their life where they're truly equipped and ready for kids, they're no longer (as) fertile?
And don't forget the biological clock. Women only have until a certain age to have cbut dren. So, they are feeling pressure from themselves to find a partner to go through this process with and to raise a child with.
I realize that it's because in prehistoric times people had to frantically pop out as many babies as possible ASAP since they were being chased by saber tooth tigers or some shit.
but first of all, that's fish logic. (spawn mass eggs since most will die). wtf.
second of all, how long will it take for the reality of today's environment to be reflected in human biology?
the only chase we have to deal with nowadays is the soulless bank.
FUCKlNG EVOLVE ALREADY
excuse the rant, it's more that I'm paranoid I won't be fertile by the time I'm actually ready for us to have kids. then again, hub and I are both open to adoption. so maybe it'll be good to save my innards.
ok ok enough derailing from me. sorry! :p
ok ok enough derailing from me. sorry! :p
Posted by mmmcrunchyAnd people only lived to be about 40 in the middle ages.Posted by truecapthis here pisses me off. why the fuck are women able to easily have kids when they're irresponsible kids themselves, but for the portion of their life where they're truly equipped and ready for kids, they're no longer (as) fertile?
And don't forget the biological clock. Women only have until a certain age to have cbut dren. So, they are feeling pressure from themselves to find a partner to go through this process with and to raise a child with.
I realize that it's because in prehistoric times people had to frantically pop out as many babies as possible ASAP since they were being chased by saber tooth tigers or some shit.
but first of all, that's fish logic. (spawn mass eggs since most will die). wtf.
second of all, how long will it take for the reality of today's environment to be reflected in human biology?
the only chase we have to deal with nowadays is the soulless bank.
FUCKlNG EVOLVE ALREADYclick to expand
Your rant just cracked me up, by the way. 🙂
Posted by mmmcrunchyMedical science is steadily improving!
excuse the rant, it's more that I'm paranoid I won't be fertile by the time I'm actually ready for us to have kids. then again, hub and I are both open to adoption. so maybe it'll be good to save my innards.
ok ok enough derailing from me. sorry! :p
Posted by auroraFalse.
the society still promotes marriage because it's better for the kids to have 2 parents and people are encouraged to at least try to make it work. if we accept the "truth" that marriage is very likely to fall apart, people would invest in marriages even less.
This outdated mindset is why we have so many fucked up kids. It's not healthy to stay in a shitty marriage "for the kids." It's creating a bad example and a terrible environment for the kids to be raised in.
Selfish people stay in shitty marriages "for the kids."
I remember the first time I saw that there were youtube clips of something like How to meet a guy and get married within a year. I still haven't recovered.
Who are the people who would want to do that and whyyy?
Who are the people who would want to do that and whyyy?
Posted by starloverlol. Yes, it's the 7th house suns. 🙂Posted by HappyCapper
I remember the first time I saw that there were youtube clips of something like How to meet a guy and get married within a year. I still haven't recovered.
Who are the people who would want to do that and whyyy?
.
Insecurity and trying to get their needs met through another person
Been there, done that and it don't workclick to expand
I have to disagree with OP. Marriage is a huge tradition, I wouldn't expect it disappear just Bc women can choose it now.
Also rearing children is extremely difficult in today's society. I think even more difficult because now its expected both partner will work and child raising has to be balanced as a secondary obligation. I honestly Dont know how single mothers do it, I have so much respect for them. Marriage and childrearing go hand in hand, otherwise we are just raising a society that can't commit to eachother. IMO too many people idolize marriage and family into a fairytale. Its a LOT of hard work and requires so many sacrifices.
Also rearing children is extremely difficult in today's society. I think even more difficult because now its expected both partner will work and child raising has to be balanced as a secondary obligation. I honestly Dont know how single mothers do it, I have so much respect for them. Marriage and childrearing go hand in hand, otherwise we are just raising a society that can't commit to eachother. IMO too many people idolize marriage and family into a fairytale. Its a LOT of hard work and requires so many sacrifices.
Posted by Imarollin+1
I grew up in a southern atmosphere, I've heard some outrageous reasonings. I've heard, "its better to go ahead and have children while youre young because you don't want to be too old to play with your children". And, " better to get it over and done with when you're body is younger because the longer you wait, the harder it will be and the risk of mental defects increases." And just recently had a 18 year old female tell me, "at least I won't be 60 years old at my child's graduation"
There are women who pressure others to have children as if its a kind of initiation into the 'mom club.'
I'm sure almost every woman has heard reasons like this, and I think it's important to educate them that there is nothing wrong with being a single, self sufficent woman.
That's why a lot of this is so disturbing to me. The pressure from others is nothing but peer pressure to fit in when it's not exactly ideal for every person or circumstance, yet nobody bats an eye at how fucked up their logic is.
Awhile back, I created a thread about having a revelation of how I may not ever want kids, which was surprising to me because I love kids but having them hadn't been a thought because I wasn't ready. Hadn't ruled it out. But the realization popped to mind and it was kinda wow to me.
Responses- "oh you'll change your mind." "It's different when they're yours." The usual, canned, moronic response from women who already had kids. This comes to mind, actually-
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/kids
Of course, all of this is to each their own, but when people mindlessly say this stuff and you ask for logical reasons as to why, it's just illogical babbling.
This illogical babbling is creating very unhappy lives for a lot people in the long haul.
Posted by CapricornLaurieThis was basically part of my point. Sooo, you clearly didn't understand the point of this post and interjected your own ideas of what I was really saying, which was way off. I call it brainwashed because it's a bit of an outdated tradition that's not taken with any serious thought and in the long run, people end up unhappy, fucked up, and are potentially fucking up any kids they have in a result. People jump into this because it's "the thing" to do in life, without any understanding of what's required to go into it.
IMO too many people idolize marriage and family into a fairytale. Its a LOT of hard work and requires so many sacrifices.
Posted by GreyWizPlease rewrite this, as you clearly had a typo. No idea what your point is haha.
I only agree because i want population to come down.
Truth is that men hate don't particularly care about single and self sufficient women. No ones gives a damn. frustrating isn't it?
Posted by ImarollinI heart The Oatmeal.
@rockyroadicecream HA!
Posted by ImarollinFigured you could appreciate this too. @Imarollin
@rockyroadicecream HA!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/31/not-having-kids-parody_n_4703338.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000046
Posted by ImarollinThat's the scary thing is that people blindly do it or blindly follow it. The example I gave of the accidental pregnancy of that chick is one that just makes me smh. She's really young, immature, and got knocked up by her boyfriend who is either a junior or just finished HIGH SCHOOL.Yet everyone, and her, is playing the fairy tale bits of her having a baby, like it's some miracle blessing.
LOL
" the happy alternative to procreation" it looks like a dream.
What I get from all this is the simple fact that people procreate and marry under false pretenses laid upon them by parental and social influences. Shit is crazy.
Despite what I say the truth is there. The people denying it are the ones guilty. There are few who did it right and found that medium but for the other majortity, its bitter.
@rockyroadicecream all I know is I've been pressured and have become a black sheep. I'm still in the herd but I'm not the same. Society has proven that my peers took different paths and I had to learn my own. Many of my friends will divorce. Many will find subime happiness.
I question my absitence compared to chance long term longevity. I question if I'm defective. I think these things and then regain conscience. For some it takes time.
If she's embraced becoming a mom, cool. But from what I'm seeing, she's playing too much pretend in the matter and that's what scares me. She's only been with the dude for less than a year and he's barely 18, if that. I think she's 20ish. I hope for her sake he sticks around, but I doubt it.
I'm just mostly disturbed by the ladida attitude by her and everyone around her. I'm like are we all not aware of the reality of the situation here? :/ It just kills me that people are so wreckless and mindless in regard to bringing new humans into the world.
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Whatever, good for them. To each their own.
But the reason I find it really strange is the stuff I see behind this brainwashed facade of "happiness." One instance, she's barely married a few months and she's already freaking out about him going out and going on about divorcing him already because she just can't stand he has a social life outside of her.
Another was going on about the lack of responsibility from her husband and how he's useless with the kids and keeps fucking around, despite his claims of wanting to get married. In other words, she's unhappy he's not stepping up like he should and they're married.
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All around me, I see, mostly women, striving for the dated goal of getting married and having kids, only to end up miserable and constantly questioning their life choices.
The funny thing is that if you dare question the "sanctity" of this concept, people will immediately fight for the idea. How dare we question such a thing! That's just how it is! Nevermind people are ignoring the obvious issue here- the delusion of this being WHAT life is ultimately about for every single person is clearly not working for many. The sad part is that many haven't figured this out until it's too late and there's kids and legal issues involved.
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