Rainbow87
@Rainbow87
7 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 101 · Topics: 65
What do you think about couples who have kids without love?
Parents who "stay together for a child/their children" are cowards. They typically stay because it would take WORK to do what is
most likely right for the child, and themselves.
Additionally, children don't *need* parents to stay together, to KNOW love.
most likely right for the child, and themselves.
Additionally, children don't *need* parents to stay together, to KNOW love.
And YES, there are a lot of baby-making-machines popping babies out, in vain.
what about people who think they're in love. then they become parents who don't get along and are terribly incompatible but by the time it's too late
Posted by AquarellePosted by sweetpea2977
Parents who "stay together for a child/their children" are cowards. They typically stay because it would take WORK to do what is
most likely right for the child, and themselves.
Additionally, children don't *need* parents to stay together, to KNOW love.
Do you have kids?click to expand
I do.
Interesting opinions from people. Some I can agree with, some I find weirdly hyper argumentative in nature.
Having said that, as someone who is part of a partnership that opted to remain together for the sake of our son, I can only speak of my own personal decision.
My son, is, and never will be called an accident, nor a mistake. He was never unwanted, either. He was unplanned when my contraceptive failed, because at the time, I did not understand the effects of antibiotics had on birth control.
At the time, I found out I was pregnant, my ex-husband and I had very, very recently broken up. It was not because of disliking each other, but we lived 2.5 hours away from one another. He needed a partner that he could see on a daily basis, and I didn't want to relocate from the Bay Area to a podunk town in the mountains. So we opted to be friends. However, that obviously changed the moment we found out I was pregnant.
I can say, that it was unfair to give my unborn son a "job" in that he was the catalyst for my move. And my marriage wasn't always rainbows and sunshine, just like any other relationship. I can also admit that I was never "in love" with my husband, nor did I love him the way he, as a man, deserved. But that doesn't mean I never loved him, it just wasn't always romantic love. I have a deep family love for my ex-husband, and though we as a couple eventually failed, we as parents NEVER did. We got our finalized divorce at the end of 2016, but I do no regret any of that time spent with him. Because we gave our son the most precious gift we both never had growing up, a combined family unit, and knowing he is loved unconditionally, unequivocally, by both his parents.
The truth is, some people assume that people that marry for romantic love, must be the most ideal parents. When it really has very little bearing on raising children. There are couples that marry for love, and the relationship fails. Where the children become pawns in a petty war of two people pissed off at each other for the mistakes made in the relationship. There are other marriages that fail, where the man stops being a father to his kids, Marriages where the stay at home mom, runs off with the man she met online, leaving the man to be a single father.
What it boils down to, are the two people that created a beautiful blessing together, making the conscious choice to be the best parents they can be to their children. Relationship lengths are never guaranteed. Let's face it, in our modern times, marriage doesn't equate to success. Nor does it equate to being successful parents, either.
My ex and I aren't together anymore, and we did make the choice to remain together longer for our son. We have argued in the past. We both have made mistakes in the relationship. We have been angry at each other. But, we have both decided to love our son more than we can ever hate each other for anything. We have learned to communicate. We have learned to work as a team. But most importantly, we have learned to be friends that champion each other. That is more than most people can say. I have a friend that calls me to ask me on what he can do to make sure his new relationship doesn't fail. A friend that cried when I finally faced my reality, and told him I was diagnosed with a disease that will more than likely take me at probably a far too young age leaving him to be a single parent. A friend, I can call to ask for work advice at any given time. A friend that helps me troll our son, by working with me to do it. I have a friend that even now, I know loves me as his family still, because he says as much to me. And we have a son, that knows every waking day, that he is special, and completely secure that he is surrounded by love.
And that all started out as being together, for the sake of our son.
Having said that, as someone who is part of a partnership that opted to remain together for the sake of our son, I can only speak of my own personal decision.
My son, is, and never will be called an accident, nor a mistake. He was never unwanted, either. He was unplanned when my contraceptive failed, because at the time, I did not understand the effects of antibiotics had on birth control.
At the time, I found out I was pregnant, my ex-husband and I had very, very recently broken up. It was not because of disliking each other, but we lived 2.5 hours away from one another. He needed a partner that he could see on a daily basis, and I didn't want to relocate from the Bay Area to a podunk town in the mountains. So we opted to be friends. However, that obviously changed the moment we found out I was pregnant.
I can say, that it was unfair to give my unborn son a "job" in that he was the catalyst for my move. And my marriage wasn't always rainbows and sunshine, just like any other relationship. I can also admit that I was never "in love" with my husband, nor did I love him the way he, as a man, deserved. But that doesn't mean I never loved him, it just wasn't always romantic love. I have a deep family love for my ex-husband, and though we as a couple eventually failed, we as parents NEVER did. We got our finalized divorce at the end of 2016, but I do no regret any of that time spent with him. Because we gave our son the most precious gift we both never had growing up, a combined family unit, and knowing he is loved unconditionally, unequivocally, by both his parents.
The truth is, some people assume that people that marry for romantic love, must be the most ideal parents. When it really has very little bearing on raising children. There are couples that marry for love, and the relationship fails. Where the children become pawns in a petty war of two people pissed off at each other for the mistakes made in the relationship. There are other marriages that fail, where the man stops being a father to his kids, Marriages where the stay at home mom, runs off with the man she met online, leaving the man to be a single father.
What it boils down to, are the two people that created a beautiful blessing together, making the conscious choice to be the best parents they can be to their children. Relationship lengths are never guaranteed. Let's face it, in our modern times, marriage doesn't equate to success. Nor does it equate to being successful parents, either.
My ex and I aren't together anymore, and we did make the choice to remain together longer for our son. We have argued in the past. We both have made mistakes in the relationship. We have been angry at each other. But, we have both decided to love our son more than we can ever hate each other for anything. We have learned to communicate. We have learned to work as a team. But most importantly, we have learned to be friends that champion each other. That is more than most people can say. I have a friend that calls me to ask me on what he can do to make sure his new relationship doesn't fail. A friend that cried when I finally faced my reality, and told him I was diagnosed with a disease that will more than likely take me at probably a far too young age leaving him to be a single parent. A friend, I can call to ask for work advice at any given time. A friend that helps me troll our son, by working with me to do it. I have a friend that even now, I know loves me as his family still, because he says as much to me. And we have a son, that knows every waking day, that he is special, and completely secure that he is surrounded by love.
And that all started out as being together, for the sake of our son.
Ok, here's what I think.
I agree that sometimes people can make mistakes. They can be in love at the beginning and then things can fall apart once they have a child.
But at the same time I don't understand why people don't make smart choices? I've seen couples in a rush to get children right after marriage. Why so quickly? They should live each season of their lives properly and make sure to have a good marriage before starting a family.
Unfortunately I grew up with parents who argued all the time and they still do after my brother and I moved out of their house. I went on vacations with them during summer and they kept acting like little children arguing in front of me about everything. It was so uncomfortable and I if I ever have kids I don't want to give that example.
I'm in my 30's currently living with my boyfriend and we've thought of having a family but I don't want to rush like most people. I'd rather see if my relationship will work even if I'd like to become a mom someday. I want to be a good mom though, not an ordinary one.
I agree that sometimes people can make mistakes. They can be in love at the beginning and then things can fall apart once they have a child.
But at the same time I don't understand why people don't make smart choices? I've seen couples in a rush to get children right after marriage. Why so quickly? They should live each season of their lives properly and make sure to have a good marriage before starting a family.
Unfortunately I grew up with parents who argued all the time and they still do after my brother and I moved out of their house. I went on vacations with them during summer and they kept acting like little children arguing in front of me about everything. It was so uncomfortable and I if I ever have kids I don't want to give that example.
I'm in my 30's currently living with my boyfriend and we've thought of having a family but I don't want to rush like most people. I'd rather see if my relationship will work even if I'd like to become a mom someday. I want to be a good mom though, not an ordinary one.
Well....
I got married and had children young and dumb. I won't go into details but after a couple years he showed that he was not a very good person.
I stayed for years. One because I wanted my kids to grow up with two parents and also because he wouldn't let me go and I was terrified to leave.
Life is not that simple. You have to make choices based on what you think is right and ignore the judgemental people that think they have all the answers, even when they have never walked in your shoes.
I got married and had children young and dumb. I won't go into details but after a couple years he showed that he was not a very good person.
I stayed for years. One because I wanted my kids to grow up with two parents and also because he wouldn't let me go and I was terrified to leave.
Life is not that simple. You have to make choices based on what you think is right and ignore the judgemental people that think they have all the answers, even when they have never walked in your shoes.
Financial reasons... guilt....
Easy to judge but you clearly don't know what it's like until you've experienced it.
Easy to judge but you clearly don't know what it's like until you've experienced it.
none of my business
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
To dump someone for sexual incompatibility? I'm talking anywhere from libido levels to kinks. What do you think?
If you’ve forgiven someone for hurting you, but cannot seem to forget it...have you really forgiven them?
So I'm at this birthday party last night and the birthday boy decides that he wants to have a "get to know you better" one on one pow wow with me.
As the conversation goes on I'm realizing in the back of my head that I am more closed off than I realized.
Is it normal for a women(26 years old) to want to be prom-posaled when I ask her out?.. this would be the third time we’ll get together now in a relationship and she has been going off on how if I just ask her out she won’t accept that, I have to prom-pos
How do you deal with someone ghosting you and what should be done if they do do it ?
As 31 year old......
20-23-year-olds have been approaching my in drives this past several month.
Grant it I get it is due in part that I'm still in undergrad so of course law of averages it's more likely that I'd be approached by people younger than m
Inspired by @virgal_perfectionist playing male hop scotch
I dated this girl off & on for years. We never had an official title so it was pretty much extended casual dating. My pisces friend forever had a crush on this girl. Anyway, one day I was out
I am a foreign to US but for 25 years proud citizen of USA and wouldn’t have it another way if I had to!
So you know...I treat my man old fashion way when women had been...another mother who take care of their babies after they grow up!
I am seriously
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93EPXGOb2H4
If you’ve ever been a side chick, or are currently a side chick and proud, I want to hear from you
This chick called into the radio this morning admitting she was a side chick and knew from the start of the “strictly sexual” relationship she has with t
I really think making a baby is a huge deal and our job as adults is to be a good example to that child. The child should grow up with the idea that his/her parents love and respect each other but not fake that they get along just because of a child.
What are your opinions? It just seems like it's becoming very common for kids to come to this world without a real family.