Forgiveness

If you’ve forgiven someone for hurting you, but cannot seem to forget it...have you really forgiven them?

It's a reaccuring theme then no. If it pops up randomly once every blue moon then yes

Forgiveness doesn't mean you forget. It's just means you let go of the anger or pain of whatever needs forgiveness.

Posted by brianafay

If you’ve forgiven someone for hurting you, but cannot seem to forget it...have you really forgiven them?

Yes, you have. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. Forgiving just means you no longer are letting what happened hold precedence or power over you, by extension them over you. It never said you had to forget it. However to be lyrically;

“ Fool me one time, shame on you. Fool me two times can’t put the blame on you. Fool me three times, fuck the peace sign load the chopper let it rain on you”

Posted by brianafay

If you’ve forgiven someone for hurting you, but cannot seem to forget it...have you really forgiven them?

Forgiveness is just a word unless you undergo lobotomy and when you see that mtfker you are saying what’s your name?

Or if you develop dementia...but then it doesn’t call forgiveness...it’s called dementia!

Lmao

Yes. Forgetting and protecting yourself from it repeating are different than forgiving it.

No, I don't think so. If you can't let go and let bygones be bygones. I don't think a person is truly healed from the pain.

Once there is no ill effect of what happened, that's usually when a person is fully healed and can forgive, even if they haven't forgotten.

I don't think it's about forgetting but to file it away so it's not brought up over and over again!!

My daughter has an issue with her dad bc he constantly throws her mistakes back in her face. I know that feeling so well, like why are you bringing something that was dealt with two years ago back up. She feels bad all over again bc of it.

When I forgive, I will not throw it in your face, well, unless you do it again. Lol

I consider myself a very forgiving person. I can let a lot of shit go....probably more than most people would be willing to.

And while it’s impossible to totally forget ...I really do come close. I acknowledge it, and make the choice to let it go. Then I just don’t think about it anymore...don’t hold it against that person, it doesn’t get brought up, I’m able to trust them fully again, etc.

Sagi naivety 🤷🏼‍♀️

But then there’s a certain line that can be crossed apparently that makes it extremely difficult to move on. Even after I’ve made the choice to forgive them...and really truly want to forget it, I can’t.

While 90% of the time I’m not thinking about it or letting it hurt me anymore, certain things will trigger me and I will feel the hurt all over again. This makes me question if I truly ever forgave them in the first place or if I just stuffed it.

I know forgiveness is really for you, not the other person...but maybe I just fear that if I “forgive and forget” I’m just going to fall into the trap of letting it happen again

😩 I usually do not struggle with this type of thing

Posted by IMightBeElle

Posted by brianafay

I consider myself a very forgiving person. I can let a lot of shit go....probably more than most people would be willing to.

And while it’s impossible to totally forget ...I really do come close. I acknowledge it, and make the choice to let it go. Then I just don’t think about it anymore...don’t hold it against that person, it doesn’t get brought up, I’m able to trust them fully again, etc.

Sagi naivety 🤷🏼‍♀️

But then there’s a certain line that can be crossed apparently that makes it extremely difficult to move on. Even after I’ve made the choice to forgive them...and really truly want to forget it, I can’t.

While 90% of the time I’m not thinking about it or letting it hurt me anymore, certain things will trigger me and I will feel the hurt all over again. This makes me question if I truly ever forgave them in the first place or if I just stuffed it.

I know forgiveness is really for you, not the other person...but maybe I just fear that if I “forgive and forget” I’m just going to fall into the trap of letting it happen again

😩 I usually do not struggle with this type of thing

#ScorpioMarsLyfe 😊

Don't be so hard on yourself. It is just self preservation. As long as you aren't dressed in camo in some remote woods digging their grave while plotting revenge....you have forgiven as much as you can.

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I guess you’re right. Just isn’t happening fast enough for me

I don’t want revenge at all. Don’t even want them to feel guilt or any pain over the pain they caused me...I have forgiven in my mind...we’re all human and we fuck up. But then sometimes it comes to mind and I feel like it just happened and I want to sob into my pillow again.

It’s really annoying

Posted by IMightBeElle

Posted by brianafay

I consider myself a very forgiving person. I can let a lot of shit go....probably more than most people would be willing to.

And while it’s impossible to totally forget ...I really do come close. I acknowledge it, and make the choice to let it go. Then I just don’t think about it anymore...don’t hold it against that person, it doesn’t get brought up, I’m able to trust them fully again, etc.

Sagi naivety 🤷🏼‍♀️

But then there’s a certain line that can be crossed apparently that makes it extremely difficult to move on. Even after I’ve made the choice to forgive them...and really truly want to forget it, I can’t.

While 90% of the time I’m not thinking about it or letting it hurt me anymore, certain things will trigger me and I will feel the hurt all over again. This makes me question if I truly ever forgave them in the first place or if I just stuffed it.

I know forgiveness is really for you, not the other person...but maybe I just fear that if I “forgive and forget” I’m just going to fall into the trap of letting it happen again

😩 I usually do not struggle with this type of thing

#ScorpioMarsLyfe 😊

Don't be so hard on yourself. It is just self preservation. As long as you aren't dressed in camo in some remote woods digging their grave while plotting revenge....you have forgiven as much as you can.

click to expand

hey it was nice camo and I did have a matching shovel

Posted by brianafay

I consider myself a very forgiving person. I can let a lot of shit go....probably more than most people would be willing to.

And while it’s impossible to totally forget ...I really do come close. I acknowledge it, and make the choice to let it go. Then I just don’t think about it anymore...don’t hold it against that person, it doesn’t get brought up, I’m able to trust them fully again, etc.

Sagi naivety 🤷🏼‍♀️

But then there’s a certain line that can be crossed apparently that makes it extremely difficult to move on. Even after I’ve made the choice to forgive them...and really truly want to forget it, I can’t.

While 90% of the time I’m not thinking about it or letting it hurt me anymore, certain things will trigger me and I will feel the hurt all over again. This makes me question if I truly ever forgave them in the first place or if I just stuffed it.

I know forgiveness is really for you, not the other person...but maybe I just fear that if I “forgive and forget” I’m just going to fall into the trap of letting it happen again

😩 I usually do not struggle with this type of thing

That's the thing though, what you are describing isn't about forgiveness, or forgetting. This is just a "trigger" that has been developed from that initial event. That does not mean you haven't forgiven them for the mistake, it just means there is essentially an invisible "scar" that has been created that can be triggered by something else that reminds you of that particular occurrence. We all have them, and some aren't really "fixable", but they can be worked around. It's just about communicating that there is a lasting anxiety that was created around that event that you need their help in finding a way that prevents that trigger from happening.

Posted by brianafay

If you’ve forgiven someone for hurting you, but cannot seem to forget it...have you really forgiven them?

I may forgive them as in I don't let it effect me anymore. Forget? Nah, don't think so. Even if I tried I would not be able to forget.

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by brianafay

I consider myself a very forgiving person. I can let a lot of shit go....probably more than most people would be willing to.

And while it’s impossible to totally forget ...I really do come close. I acknowledge it, and make the choice to let it go. Then I just don’t think about it anymore...don’t hold it against that person, it doesn’t get brought up, I’m able to trust them fully again, etc.

Sagi naivety 🤷🏼‍♀️

But then there’s a certain line that can be crossed apparently that makes it extremely difficult to move on. Even after I’ve made the choice to forgive them...and really truly want to forget it, I can’t.

While 90% of the time I’m not thinking about it or letting it hurt me anymore, certain things will trigger me and I will feel the hurt all over again. This makes me question if I truly ever forgave them in the first place or if I just stuffed it.

I know forgiveness is really for you, not the other person...but maybe I just fear that if I “forgive and forget” I’m just going to fall into the trap of letting it happen again

😩 I usually do not struggle with this type of thing

That's the thing though, what you are describing isn't about forgiveness, or forgetting. This is just a "trigger" that has been developed from that initial event. That does not mean you haven't forgiven them for the mistake, it just means there is essentially an invisible "scar" that has been created that can be triggered by something else that reminds you of that particular occurrence. We all have them, and some aren't really "fixable", but they can be worked around. It's just about communicating that there is a lasting anxiety that was created around that event that you need their help in finding a way that prevents that trigger from happening.

click to expand

Weren’t we just talking about communication too? Ha

I’m struggling with communicating that trigger without it coming off like I’m harping on it or I haven’t let it go. Said person doesn’t want to feel like I’m dragging them for something I said I forgave them for and agreed to move forward...and I totally get it and don’t want to keep bringing it up either. That’s not fair

Posted by brianafay

Posted by nikkistar

Posted by brianafay

I consider myself a very forgiving person. I can let a lot of shit go....probably more than most people would be willing to.

And while it’s impossible to totally forget ...I really do come close. I acknowledge it, and make the choice to let it go. Then I just don’t think about it anymore...don’t hold it against that person, it doesn’t get brought up, I’m able to trust them fully again, etc.

Sagi naivety 🤷🏼‍♀️

But then there’s a certain line that can be crossed apparently that makes it extremely difficult to move on. Even after I’ve made the choice to forgive them...and really truly want to forget it, I can’t.

While 90% of the time I’m not thinking about it or letting it hurt me anymore, certain things will trigger me and I will feel the hurt all over again. This makes me question if I truly ever forgave them in the first place or if I just stuffed it.

I know forgiveness is really for you, not the other person...but maybe I just fear that if I “forgive and forget” I’m just going to fall into the trap of letting it happen again

😩 I usually do not struggle with this type of thing

That's the thing though, what you are describing isn't about forgiveness, or forgetting. This is just a "trigger" that has been developed from that initial event. That does not mean you haven't forgiven them for the mistake, it just means there is essentially an invisible "scar" that has been created that can be triggered by something else that reminds you of that particular occurrence. We all have them, and some aren't really "fixable", but they can be worked around. It's just about communicating that there is a lasting anxiety that was created around that event that you need their help in finding a way that prevents that trigger from happening.

Weren’t we just talking about communication too? Ha

I’m struggling with communicating that trigger without it coming off like I’m harping on it or I haven’t let it go. Said person doesn’t want to feel like I’m dragging them for something I said I forgave them for and agreed to move forward...and I totally get it and don’t want to keep bringing it up either. That’s not fair

click to expand

LOL, yea we were.

I would say you should start the conversation out with something like this...

"Before you think this is about me rehashing the past, or trying to bring it up to cause issues again about that, it isn't that. I have fully forgiven you for doing X. But I think I picked up anxiety and a trigger from it that I wasn't aware I had. This isn't about me not moving forward, it is about me telling you that it caused damage to me in that there are certain things that trigger that same emotion in me. I want to find a solution with you, so that feeling isn't provoked unnecessarily. I love you, and I forgive you, but it caused lasting effects on me that I don't want to have. I know it is illogical for me to have those feelings, and I recognize that too. I am simply telling you how I feel, so that we can address this together as a couple."