Why did he not ask me out?

So, I had previously posted about the dude at my gym that I'm crushing on.

He has been talking to me lately and yesterday he did everything BUT ask me out.

He asked me what I like to do for fun. What I do on the weekends, Asked if I like movies..

And even asked what I am doing this weekend.

I did tell him I don't really go to movies but I WOULD...

and, I also said I normally do not do anything on the weekends BUT Saturday is my best friends birthday and I mentioned that other than that I do not have plans...

But he did not actually ask me out.



Thoughts?

Advice?

Why don't you ask him out?

Is he a trainer? Does he work at the gym? Maybe he's just making small talk with a customer.

Posted by LadyNeptune
Is he a trainer? Does he work at the gym? Maybe he's just making small talk with a customer.

No not a trainer, he goes out of his way to come up and talk to me and stares at me a lot lol I can tell he likes me..

He mentions he likes how I workout and asks where I live where I work etc..

Seems interested to me

Posted by Secret
Why don't you ask him out?

Because I dont ask men out.

I guess Im a puss?? lol

I like to be chased not the chaser i guess

Posted by narayana
Why do girls always have such expectations? He's not supposed to ask you out after a small talk. He's not supposed to ask anyone out at all, just let him be.

Maybe he'll ask you out some other day, why overthink everything. Maybe not, then there's still other guys left on this planet.

I was just asking because I felt like he was about to. Just got a vibe.

Not that I "expect" it

Posted by indiwoman

Posted by LadyNeptune
Is he a trainer? Does he work at the gym? Maybe he's just making small talk with a customer.

No not a trainer, he goes out of his way to come up and talk to me and stares at me a lot lol I can tell he likes me..

He mentions he likes how I workout and asks where I live where I work etc..

Seems interested to me

click to expand

So like Secret said, ask him out.

I asked out my Gem cause I got tired of his flirty dance. He told me much later that he thought I was out of his league/not interested. Smh as if.

Seriously ask him out to something casual. Like, "I'm gonna grab a smoothie next door after this workout, want to join me?" Easy peasy.

Posted by Fun4Life
He's a bit shy about taking the actual step of asking you.

It's possible your body language, or expression, are suggesting you may not be physically attracted to him.

Idk we would stare at eachvother before we ever talked. I smile and am very friendly?

He is asian though I have heard they are shy

Posted by indiwoman

Posted by Secret
Why don't you ask him out?

Because I dont ask men out.

I guess Im a puss?? lol

I like to be chased not the chaser i guess

click to expand

Well it's time to reverse the roles, ask him out and see what happens. Maybe he is just being polite to you and doesn't see you as a romantic partner. There is only one way to find out. Ask him out.

I love when women ask me out. It shows confidence and determination.

Do this:

You: hey how is it going?

Him: nothing much, how about you?

You: well I went to my friend's house last weekend.

Him: ah I'm sure you had a great time!

You: yep! Well I have to go back to my workout now. I think we should have a chat outside the gym! Let's have a coffe this week.

Him: that sounds great! Let's exchange numbers. What's yours?

You: cool! 265-277-XXX

Him: I'll ring you once so you can save my number.

You: (phone rings) oh got ya!

Him: is that your ringtone?

You: : yes...

Him: that song is horrible! Sorry I'm cancelling the coffee.

You: wow really??

Him: haha I'm joking. But seriously that song sucks.

You: haha

Is this him?



Sure picked a winner there, deer.

Posted by indiwoman

Posted by Secret
Why don't you ask him out?

Because I dont ask men out.

I guess Im a puss?? lol

I like to be chased not the chaser i guess

click to expand

Girl! You need to be MORE assertive! I'm talking to a guy (Gem) phone, text, FB, we had plans for this weekend. I IM him on FB "confirming" our date and he said he had to work and, "Don't give up on me".

When you said you didn't "really" like movies, but will go, uh, that response was a minus (-) to him. Next time a guys asks you something like this -- Dude: "Do you like to go to the movies?" You: "You bet!"

Dude, "What do you like to do for fun?" You: "I like to do all types of things, what do you have in mind?" 😉

🤗 cyber hugs!

Love,

Eva

Posted by indiwoman
So, I had previously posted about the dude at my gym that I'm crushing on.

He has been talking to me lately and yesterday he did everything BUT ask me out.

He asked me what I like to do for fun. What I do on the weekends, Asked if I like movies..

And even asked what I am doing this weekend.

I did tell him I don't really go to movies but I WOULD...

and, I also said I normally do not do anything on the weekends BUT Saturday is my best friends birthday and I mentioned that other than that I do not have plans...

But he did not actually ask me out.



Thoughts?

Advice?

Hmmmm perhaps he simply decided to pass on spending time together following your responses. The guy was clearly looking for common ground, something you would both enjoy and you gave him nothing.

It is probably just me, but hearing "I don't really do this"..."I normally don't do anything" would be a turn off.

I mean is that what I'm to expect every time I ask "hey what do you want to do this weekend?"...."I don't know...I don't really do anything...". I'd cut my losses early and move on.

Meet the man half way. What did you say you like to do for fun?

Posted by indiwoman
I like to be chased not the chaser i guess

I think you took this statement to a whole other level though.

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by indiwoman
So, I had previously posted about the dude at my gym that I'm crushing on.

He has been talking to me lately and yesterday he did everything BUT ask me out.

He asked me what I like to do for fun. What I do on the weekends, Asked if I like movies..

And even asked what I am doing this weekend.

I did tell him I don't really go to movies but I WOULD...

and, I also said I normally do not do anything on the weekends BUT Saturday is my best friends birthday and I mentioned that other than that I do not have plans...

But he did not actually ask me out.



Thoughts?

Advice?

Hmmmm perhaps he simply decided to pass on spending time together following your responses. The guy was clearly looking for common ground, something you would both enjoy and you gave him nothing.

It is probably just me, but hearing "I don't really do this"..."I normally don't do anything" would be a turn off.

I mean is that what I'm to expect every time I ask "hey what do you want to do this weekend?"...."I don't know...I don't really do anything...". I'd cut my losses early and move on.

Meet the man half way. What did you say you like to do for fun?

click to expand

I was just being honest though?

I said sometimes I go out with friends. But mainly just work and go to the gym. Said I like to try new things and I am open to stuff.

I asked him as well. He pretty much said the same thing. Says he does not do much work and gym lol

There were common grounds but I said i dont really go to the movies much but i would. I feel like that is a hint on my end?

Posted by lavaliquid

Posted by Secret

Posted by indiwoman

Posted by Secret
Why don't you ask him out?

Because I dont ask men out.

I guess Im a puss?? lol

I like to be chased not the chaser i guess

Well it's time to reverse the roles, ask him out and see what happens. Maybe he is just being polite to you and doesn't see you as a romantic partner. There is only one way to find out. Ask him out.

I love when women ask me out. It shows confidence and determination.

Do this:

You: hey how is it going?

Him: nothing much, how about you?

You: well I went to my friend's house last weekend.

Him: ah I'm sure you had a great time!

You: yep! Well I have to go back to my workout now. I think we should have a chat outside the gym! Let's have a coffe this week.

Him: that sounds great! Let's exchange numbers. What's yours?

You: cool! 265-277-XXX

Him: I'll ring you once so you can save my number.

You: (phone rings) oh got ya!

Him: is that your ringtone?

You: : yes...

Him: that song is horrible! Sorry I'm cancelling the coffe.

You: wow really??

Him: haha I'm joking. But seriously that song sucks.

You: haha

Lol, do none of this.

click to expand

There are some jokes up there but there is also some truth.

If you want water don't sit in the middle of the desert waiting for the water to come over to you.

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by indiwoman
So, I had previously posted about the dude at my gym that I'm crushing on.

He has been talking to me lately and yesterday he did everything BUT ask me out.

He asked me what I like to do for fun. What I do on the weekends, Asked if I like movies..

And even asked what I am doing this weekend.

I did tell him I don't really go to movies but I WOULD...

and, I also said I normally do not do anything on the weekends BUT Saturday is my best friends birthday and I mentioned that other than that I do not have plans...

But he did not actually ask me out.



Thoughts?

Advice?

Hmmmm perhaps he simply decided to pass on spending time together following your responses. The guy was clearly looking for common ground, something you would both enjoy and you gave him nothing.

It is probably just me, but hearing "I don't really do this"..."I normally don't do anything" would be a turn off.

I mean is that what I'm to expect every time I ask "hey what do you want to do this weekend?"...."I don't know...I don't really do anything...". I'd cut my losses early and move on.

Meet the man half way. What did you say you like to do for fun?

click to expand

that's so true. "I don't really do this"..."I normally don't do anything" would be my 'not interested' line lol

@indiwoman

you don't need to ask him out if you can't do it but when he asked "what do you enjoy doing", you should say "i enjoy chatting with you" . too forward? lol

Posted by iCloud9

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by indiwoman
So, I had previously posted about the dude at my gym that I'm crushing on.

He has been talking to me lately and yesterday he did everything BUT ask me out.

He asked me what I like to do for fun. What I do on the weekends, Asked if I like movies..

And even asked what I am doing this weekend.

I did tell him I don't really go to movies but I WOULD...

and, I also said I normally do not do anything on the weekends BUT Saturday is my best friends birthday and I mentioned that other than that I do not have plans...

But he did not actually ask me out.



Thoughts?

Advice?

Hmmmm perhaps he simply decided to pass on spending time together following your responses. The guy was clearly looking for common ground, something you would both enjoy and you gave him nothing.

It is probably just me, but hearing "I don't really do this"..."I normally don't do anything" would be a turn off.

I mean is that what I'm to expect every time I ask "hey what do you want to do this weekend?"...."I don't know...I don't really do anything...". I'd cut my losses early and move on.

Meet the man half way. What did you say you like to do for fun?

that's so true. "I don't really do this"..."I normally don't do anything" would be my 'not interested' line lol

@indiwoman

you don't need to ask him out if you can't do it but when he asked "what do you enjoy doing", you should say "i enjoy chatting with you" . too forward? lol

click to expand

I def understand I didn't really make it a easy approach for him lol im just frustrated with myself I really didnt know what to say. Fuck

Posted by Secret

Posted by indiwoman

Posted by Secret
Why don't you ask him out?

Because I dont ask men out.

I guess Im a puss?? lol

I like to be chased not the chaser i guess

Well it's time to reverse the roles, ask him out and see what happens. Maybe he is just being polite to you and doesn't see you as a romantic partner. There is only one way to find out. Ask him out.

I love when women ask me out. It shows confidence and determination.

Do this:

You: hey how is it going?

Him: nothing much, how about you?

You: well I went to my friend's house last weekend.

Him: ah I'm sure you had a great time!

You: yep! Well I have to go back to my workout now. I think we should have a chat outside the gym! Let's have a coffe this week.

Him: that sounds great! Let's exchange numbers. What's yours?

You: cool! 265-277-XXXX

Him: I'll ring you once so you can save my number.

You: (phone rings) oh got ya!

Him: is that your ringtone?

You: : yes...

Him: that song is horrible! Sorry I'm cancelling the coffee.

You: Well you must not know what it's like to listen to greatness 😉

Him: haha I'm joking. But seriously that song sucks.

You: haha

click to expand

Fixed.

Banter 101

Posted by indiwoman

Posted by Secret
Why don't you ask him out?

Because I dont ask men out.

I guess Im a puss?? lol

I like to be chased not the chaser i guess

click to expand

It's not chasing, it's a nudge. Shy guys need nudges to lead.

Posted by Virgorean

Posted by Secret

Posted by indiwoman

Posted by Secret
Why don't you ask him out?

Because I dont ask men out.

I guess Im a puss?? lol

I like to be chased not the chaser i guess

Well it's time to reverse the roles, ask him out and see what happens. Maybe he is just being polite to you and doesn't see you as a romantic partner. There is only one way to find out. Ask him out.

I love when women ask me out. It shows confidence and determination.

Do this:

You: hey how is it going?

Him: nothing much, how about you?

You: well I went to my friend's house last weekend.

Him: ah I'm sure you had a great time!

You: yep! Well I have to go back to my workout now. I think we should have a chat outside the gym! Let's have a coffe this week.

Him: that sounds great! Let's exchange numbers. What's yours?

You: cool! 265-277-XXXX

Him: I'll ring you once so you can save my number.

You: (phone rings) oh got ya!

Him: is that your ringtone?

You: : yes...

Him: that song is horrible! Sorry I'm cancelling the coffee.

You: Well you must not know what it's like to listen to greatness 😉

Him: haha I'm joking. But seriously that song sucks.

You: haha

Fixed.

Banter 101

click to expand

This is why I love Virgos 😏

Posted by Secret

Posted by Virgorean

Posted by Secret

Posted by indiwoman

Posted by Secret
Why don't you ask him out?

Because I dont ask men out.

I guess Im a puss?? lol

I like to be chased not the chaser i guess

Well it's time to reverse the roles, ask him out and see what happens. Maybe he is just being polite to you and doesn't see you as a romantic partner. There is only one way to find out. Ask him out.

I love when women ask me out. It shows confidence and determination.

Do this:

You: hey how is it going?

Him: nothing much, how about you?

You: well I went to my friend's house last weekend.

Him: ah I'm sure you had a great time!

You: yep! Well I have to go back to my workout now. I think we should have a chat outside the gym! Let's have a coffe this week.

Him: that sounds great! Let's exchange numbers. What's yours?

You: cool! 265-277-XXXX

Him: I'll ring you once so you can save my number.

You: (phone rings) oh got ya!

Him: is that your ringtone?

You: : yes...

Him: that song is horrible! Sorry I'm cancelling the coffee.

You: Well you must not know what it's like to listen to greatness 😉

Him: haha I'm joking. But seriously that song sucks.

You: haha

Fixed.

Banter 101

This is why I love Virgos 😏

click to expand

We're pretty irresistible. Nobody can resist Queen Bey.

Posted by indiwoman

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by indiwoman
So, I had previously posted about the dude at my gym that I'm crushing on.

He has been talking to me lately and yesterday he did everything BUT ask me out.

He asked me what I like to do for fun. What I do on the weekends, Asked if I like movies..

And even asked what I am doing this weekend.

I did tell him I don't really go to movies but I WOULD...

and, I also said I normally do not do anything on the weekends BUT Saturday is my best friends birthday and I mentioned that other than that I do not have plans...

But he did not actually ask me out.



Thoughts?

Advice?

Hmmmm perhaps he simply decided to pass on spending time together following your responses. The guy was clearly looking for common ground, something you would both enjoy and you gave him nothing.

It is probably just me, but hearing "I don't really do this"..."I normally don't do anything" would be a turn off.

I mean is that what I'm to expect every time I ask "hey what do you want to do this weekend?"...."I don't know...I don't really do anything...". I'd cut my losses early and move on.

Meet the man half way. What did you say you like to do for fun?

I was just being honest though?

I said sometimes I go out with friends. But mainly just work and go to the gym. Said I like to try new things and I am open to stuff.

I asked him as well. He pretty much said the same thing. Says he does not do much work and gym lol

There were common grounds but I said i dont really go to the movies much but i would. I feel like that is a hint on my end?

click to expand

Fair enough. I wouldn't suggest you be dishonest or show interest in something you have no interest in doing. It's really about how your interest in spending time with this guy was communicated. You would like to spend time with him, so your responses should reflect that. Your response weren't horrible, they just lacked a clear invitation.

Like instead of I don't really go to movies, but I would (translation: not my thing, but if you ask I'll consider it), simply say "I haven't been to the movies in a while, is there anything you would suggest seeing?" He may suggest something or even say he hasn't seen anything, but is interested in seeing _____. You ask him what the movie is about if you're not familiar with it and if it genuinely piques your interest you say "that sounds really interesting. I'd like to see that." And he may proceed to ask you out.

Or even "I don't really go to movies because they're not my thing. I prefer/tend to do *xyz* instead". Focus more so on activities that are social that he could possible participate in as well if it interest him. It truly doesn't have to be major, just something that you two couldn't possible do outside of the gym. Do you have a favourite spot you like to go to sit and have coffee? A path you enjoy walking? Hanging out with your friend isn't something he can really do with you, so that didn't give him much to work with.

In both examples you're not lying, however you're stating what you don't like, and sharing what you do so he has a bit more to work with. That was my only point. The examples are just that, examples. It's more about responding in a slightly more engaging way. If he isn't dense and is interested in asking you out, he should be able to pick up what you're putting down.

You'll be fine. You may both be a bit more laid back when it comes to pursuing someone. When you see him again, just continue to open up a bit and see where it goes.

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by indiwoman

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by indiwoman
So, I had previously posted about the dude at my gym that I'm crushing on.

He has been talking to me lately and yesterday he did everything BUT ask me out.

He asked me what I like to do for fun. What I do on the weekends, Asked if I like movies..

And even asked what I am doing this weekend.

I did tell him I don't really go to movies but I WOULD...

and, I also said I normally do not do anything on the weekends BUT Saturday is my best friends birthday and I mentioned that other than that I do not have plans...

But he did not actually ask me out.



Thoughts?

Advice?

Hmmmm perhaps he simply decided to pass on spending time together following your responses. The guy was clearly looking for common ground, something you would both enjoy and you gave him nothing.

It is probably just me, but hearing "I don't really do this"..."I normally don't do anything" would be a turn off.

I mean is that what I'm to expect every time I ask "hey what do you want to do this weekend?"...."I don't know...I don't really do anything...". I'd cut my losses early and move on.

Meet the man half way. What did you say you like to do for fun?

I was just being honest though?

I said sometimes I go out with friends. But mainly just work and go to the gym. Said I like to try new things and I am open to stuff.

I asked him as well. He pretty much said the same thing. Says he does not do much work and gym lol

There were common grounds but I said i dont really go to the movies much but i would. I feel like that is a hint on my end?

Fair enough. I wouldn't suggest you be dishonest or show interest in something you have no interest in doing. It's really about how your interest in spending time with this guy was communicated. You would like to spend time with him, so your responses should reflect that. Your response weren't horrible, they just lacked a clear invitation.

Like instead of I don't really go to movies, but I would (translation: not my thing, but if you ask I'll consider it), simply say "I haven't been to the movies in a while, is there anything you would suggest seeing?" He may suggest something or even say he hasn't seen anything, but is interested in seeing _____. You ask him what the movie is about if you're not familiar with it and if it genuinely piques your interest you say "that sounds really interesting. I'd like to see that." And he may proceed to ask you out.

Or even "I don't really go to movies because they're not my thing. I prefer/tend to do *xyz* instead". Focus more so on activities that are social that he could possible participate in as well if it interest him. It truly doesn't have to be major, just something that you two couldn't possible do outside of the gym. Do you have a favourite spot you like to go to sit and have coffee? A path you enjoy walking? Hanging out with your friend isn't something he can really do with you, so that didn't give him much to work with.

In both examples you're not lying, however you're stating what you don't like, and sharing what you do so he has a bit more to work with. That was my only point. The examples are just that, examples. It's more about responding in a slightly more engaging way. If he isn't dense and is interested in asking you out, he should be able to pick up what you're putting down.

You'll be fine. You may both be a bit more laid back when it comes to pursuing someone. When you see him again, just continue to open up a bit and see where it goes.

click to expand

Thank you this is the sort of advice I was hoping for!

Yes I did not want to start of getting to know someone based off of white lies.

But I feel I could of been more "inviting" with my responses like you stated above.

Thank you