Why do this ?!!

So I had a brief fling with a guy about 3 months ago. Things were difficult because I was in the middle of separation from a long term relationship, which this guy couldn't handle. Despite me asking him to wait for me he turned on me. it ended up in an argument but he said some really nasty personal things to me. I was so upset particularly as I had always been so kind to him and given him a massive ego boost. He did apologise at the time but it was clear things were over. So I've moved on 3 months later I receive a text saying how sorry he is for all the nasty things he said to me and hopes everything is now good in my life! After much debate on whether to reply I thanked him for his text and wished him well too. Conversation ended.
Why do guys do this? Its dug up all my feelings of self pity once again! Is this just to relieve his guilty conscience? In doing so he's made me feel crap again. Is this a mans form of passive aggression? I'm actually feeling quite angry!!

Guys have a weird radar like that. Just when you're moving on and have forgotten about them, they pop on in, trying some stupid shit.

For future reference, don't ask someone to wait on you. That's just selfish and stupid.

It's him trying to keep his tentacles on you. Or see if he still can.

Posted by Ohdear
So I had a brief fling with a guy about 3 months ago. Things were difficult because I was in the middle of separation from a long term relationship, which this guy couldn't handle. Despite me asking him to wait for me he turned on me. it ended up in an argument but he said some really nasty personal things to me. I was so upset particularly as I had always been so kind to him and given him a massive ego boost. He did apologise at the time but it was clear things were over. So I've moved on 3 months later I receive a text saying how sorry he is for all the nasty things he said to me and hopes everything is now good in my life! After much debate on whether to reply I thanked him for his text and wished him well too. Conversation ended.
Why do guys do this? Its dug up all my feelings of self pity once again! Is this just to relieve his guilty conscience? In doing so he's made me feel crap again. Is this a mans form of passive aggression? I'm actually feeling quite angry!!

I had an LTR that went really bad. I really tried to help him. He was an asshole. I think it was about a year after. He sent me a crazy long message. Like crazy. Apologizing for what he did admitting how good i had been to him. Telling me how bad his life had gotten since we broke up. It was an apology about some really traumatic stuff for me, that was in fact all about himself. And I don't mind telling you how angry I was at this guy for a while. But I wanted to move past his being able to affect me at all so I could deal with what I was feeling alone. He wanted to see if he could affect me.

That's what it is to see if they CAN affect you. Or sometimes their lives are not going so well. The drama gives them a boost. To feel they are doing something good.

Sometimes it is genuine. But it's still misguided. It's not helping you but them. Very rarely is it genuine sometimes it is but that does not mean it's going to make you feel good. Especially a one night stand scenario.

But it makes them feel better.

Posted by BG2
How is his apologizing dredging up feelings of self pity? I don't get that.

He said some really nasty things to me. I was crying for almost 2 whole days.The whole thing started between us because he was upset and I offered him a shoulder to cry on, told him how wonderful he was etc. I felt sorry for myself because I had only ever been kind to him and he kicked me to the gutter. He is a nice guy, just immature. He had already apologised at the time but perhaps it was insincere back then, that's why he felt he had to say it again - I don't know. Anyway I've blocked him now.

Thanks for all your comments

Posted by BlondeAmbition

Posted by Ohdear
I'm actually feeling quite angry!!

click to expand

I had an LTR that went really bad. I really tried to help him. He was an asshole. I think it was about a year after. He sent me a crazy long message. Like crazy. Apologizing for what he did admitting how good i had been to him. Telling me how bad his life had gotten since we broke up. It was an apology about some really traumatic stuff for me, that was in fact all about himself. And I don't mind telling you how angry I was at this guy for a while. But I wanted to move past his being able to affect me at all so I could deal with what I was feeling alone. He wanted to see if he could affect me.

That's what it is to see if they CAN affect you. Or sometimes their lives are not going so well. The drama gives them a boost. To feel they are doing something good.

Sometimes it is genuine. But it's still misguided. It's not helping you but them. Very rarely is it genuine sometimes it is but that does not mean it's going to make you feel good. Especially a one night stand scenario.

But it makes them feel better

This one was just immature. He did apologise at the time when I told him how upset I was. I've blocked him now as I don't want to be reminded of how he upset me, or be tempted to get in touch with him especially when I'm drunk! Thanks for your reply x

Posted by thinktoomuch
Maybe he did it to say exactly what the text says? Closure.

Geesh, women! Never satisfied.

Fuck off. She did nothing to you and you taking your sexist crap out on her ..what the fuck does that tell you ..about YOU?

Posted by thinktoomuch
Maybe he did it to say exactly what the text says? Closure.

Geesh, women! Never satisfied.

I already had closure he made it clear that it was over at the time. He apologised for saying the nasty things and told me to move on 3 months ago. I did move on. So I'm glad he has now cleared his conscience by dragging it up again and in doing so opened up my healed wounds. The Selfish bastard

Posted by SensitiveBlues
i would have replied "You're not dead yet?" God never answers my prayers

Lol ‚

You are overthinking his gesture.
Assuming ulterior motives.
You should feel relief or indifferent.

He behaved like an asshole, he apologised for it.
Doesn't sound like you are completely over it and not ready to forgive.

You clueless bitches need to sit the hell down with your naive bullshit.

If things were shut down months ago, there is no reason for him to contact her. It was with selfish intent on his part. There was no reason to contact her if things were said and done months ago. Randomly contacting her to "clear his conscious" was nothing but a move to soothe his own feelings/ego because he's a troll of a human being.

If it helped him, fine. But in the process, it reopened a fresh scar from the situation for her. His reaching out was unnecessary and he was doing it to gauge reaction. The only thing the OP is at fault for is for even responding to him. The best reaction would have been silence.

He told her to move on. She did. That includes not entertaining his psycho bullshit any longer.

Posted by LunarMaiden
You are overthinking his gesture.
Assuming ulterior motives.
You should feel relief or indifferent.

He behaved like an asshole, he apologised for it.
Doesn't sound like you are completely over it and not ready to forgive.

...did you miss the part where he apologized 3 months ago?

Apparently you did. Your comment makes no fucking sense.

Guys just can't win with you women.

They're damned if they do ..... damned if they don't

This guy didn't do anything wrong ... he simply apologized for his bad behavior, and here you've come to throw his character under the bus, simply because you lack emotional control over yourself.

Posted by rockyroadicecream

Posted by LunarMaiden
You are overthinking his gesture.
Assuming ulterior motives.
You should feel relief or indifferent.

He behaved like an asshole, he apologised for it.
Doesn't sound like you are completely over it and not ready to forgive.

...did you miss the part where he apologized 3 months ago?

Apparently you did. Your comment makes no fucking sense.

click to expand

Sit down somewhere, and stop projecting your anger unto other people.