Would you stay with an impotent man?

My husband of 11 years and I are separated. The main problem in our marriage was that he has premature ejaculation or can't function sexually.

I begged him for years to get help, but he did it half assed... And eventually things got so bad that I gave up. I have let go of resentment but can't see him as a lover anymore. He is trying to get me back and fix our marriage but I feel traumatized by our sex life. The only motivation I have to work things out ate my kids and financial stability. He is also a bit of a bully... I think because he doesn't feel like a real man.

Is impotence a deal breaker?

BikerCh1ck is funny and I agree with her. The problem is not that he's impotent, the problem is that he doesn't give a shit about your wants.

Maybe it's hard for him to wholeheartedly try because, like you said, he doesn't feel like a man. He needs to get over himself.

Viagra does not help the premature ejaculation. Even if he could last a little longer after the 3rd round thanks to the Viagra, he's still not a good lover. He says the Viagra gives him a headache.
I tried everything to make him get help for years. I even told him that I would find a lover. Now that I have made him move out of our room and took off my wedding ring he is starting to be nice and say he will do anything to work things out. The problem for me is that it feels too late.

The only things that keep me married to him are the kids and the financial stability. Or else I would be l would be long gone.

Sex is the glue that keeps couples together. I have some doubt about his sexuality and sexual identity. He has fooled around with boys as a teenager and was also molested by a man. He also really like to dress like a slutty woman for Halloween and becomes feminine when he drinks.

Oh goodness... As I write this I am wondering wtf I've been thinking all these years staying in this misery.

I can't help but feel bad for filing for divorce and splitting up our family.

I can't stay faithful to him in this marriage. I have told him that I won't.
I do finally have a lover since we have been separated and let me tell you... This Scorpio has been really missing out on sex!!! I feel alive when I have a sex life. Being married to him has been so depressing!

Why do I sound like a jerk? I have tries everything to be supportive and honest with him. He's the jerk in my opinion for depriving his wife of sexual pleasure!
He's a Scorpio too, by the way!

Lol ellessque!!!! Sounds like you're the one who hasn't been getting any sausage!!! Jeez.

I agree with ellessque that's simply not right now coming from a guys standpoint to pinpoint that to a guy and put even more pressure not saying we already have pressure on our shoulders to please him and to break your marriage off because of that is bull shit im sorry. I come to ask then what made you two get married in the first place that's simply not right now he has to live with the fact that hes love left him because of sex smh that's not cool at all im sorry I understand you have needs to but as men like someone else said we need a wake up call at times just how you sound right now isn't right you must be very upset so I hope that this just didn't come out right

Posted by Sunnyscorp
My husband of 11 years and I are separated. The main problem in our marriage was that he has premature ejaculation or can't function sexually.

I begged him for years to get help, but he did it half assed... And eventually things got so bad that I gave up. I have let go of resentment but can't see him as a lover anymore. He is trying to get me back and fix our marriage but I feel traumatized by our sex life. The only motivation I have to work things out ate my kids and financial stability. He is also a bit of a bully... I think because he doesn't feel like a real man.

Is impotence a deal breaker?

Hi, based on what you wrote :: you are separated, you have the resentment and don't see him as a lover :: I wouldn't take him back. If your sex life is beyond repair and it's important to you, I say stay separated and take it from there. Good luck, this sounds quite complex.

I wonder sometimes depending on the case if impotence is really the problem. It is very possible that the partners of these, "impotent" men are just incapable of inspiring them. And there are a myriad of underlying reasons that may be the cause of that incapability.

I was very patient with him for years. When we were dating, he told me that he wasn't getting erections because he was too tired and that once we are married and living together, that things would change. I was young and inexperienced so I believed him. Once we got married and he couldn't perform, he lied and said that it had never happened to him before me. Then a couple years later it came out in therapy that he has had this problem from his first time with a woman. He shames me for wanting sex and blamed his impotence on my being too horny. Of course I was horny!!! He was being a huge tease leaving me unsatisfied while he took a shower after 3 minutes of sex.
The fact that he feared sex also led to other problems. He wasn't affectionate out of fear that It may lead to sex. He would come to bed hours after me. I tried for years to take him to sec therapy, couples counseling, hypnotism... Nothing has worked.
You can't judge a person until you are in their shoes. I loved him with all of my heart and would so anything to save our marriage. The problem is that he didn't. I also couldn't feel bonded to a man that I have no sex or affection from.
I am mostly hesitant because of my children. They are very important in my decision. I don't want to show them such a bad example of marriage. I also don't want to break up their home.

Posted by ellessque

she's been carrying it on with a crab and playing mind games with him for the past six months.....and using her husband's impotence as an excuse for her behaviour.

totally trying to convince the crab it was okay that she was still living with her husband and to have unprotected sex with her because she's into monogamy.

this chick has way more issues than her husband not being able to keep it up.

:::: raises eyebrows ::::

You're still living with your husband, while having affairs with other men ... AND .. having unprotected sex with these other men?

All because you are intolerant to your husbands illness?


wow .. what a fucking cunt

Posted by Sunnyscorp

I tried everything to make him get help for years. I even told him that I would find a lover. Now that I have made him move out of our room and took off my wedding ring he is starting to be nice and say he will do anything to work things out. The problem for me is that it feels too late.

The only things that keep me married to him are the kids and the financial stability. Or else I would be l would be long gone.

Sex is the glue that keeps couples together. I have some doubt about his sexuality and sexual identity. He has fooled around with boys as a teenager and was also molested by a man. He also really like to dress like a slutty woman for Halloween and becomes feminine when he drinks.

I cannot believe these things you are saying about your husband.

And you're wrong, sex is NOT the glue that holds people together ... LOVE is the glue that holds people together.

So, during the times that you say you were helping him, you tell him things like ....

Posted by Sunnyscorp

I even told him that I would find a lover.

click to expand

::: shakes head :::

You're a piece of shit. You weren't trying to help him, you were trying to guilt him.

If you were a woman of class and honor (which you're obviously NOT) ... you would have bowed out of the marriage gracefully, maintaining respect for him.

There's no doubt in my mind that you're making these suggestions to his children also .... because people like you have no sense of honor, so certainly, you are programming his own children against him.

Clearly, there are background and ongoing issues we aren't privy to.

If all I had to go on was the OP, I'd say leave-- now.

Now that I've read *everything* -- I still think you should leave, but I also think you need to collect a good lawyer and counselor, to boot; you'll need both.

It's impossible to tell what is really going on inside someone's home/relationship, based on he said/she said reports from either party.

My ex-'husband' told everyone I was mentally ill, but always managed to leave out the part about his illegal drug use that he kept a secret (among other things) until we were married.

I kicked him out without hesitation, but it was much simpler as he was the only child in our household.

he hee 😉

Good luck to you.

I didn't read the thread, but seriously, you went into this marriage KNOWING that he struggles with premature ejaculation. This can be emasculating to a man. Society puts so much pressure on performance and this has no doubt impacted his psyche and ego over the years. Yet you belittle him for his medical condition. You place blame on him! How fucking ridiculous. Not only now is he struggling with societal pressures but you, the woman he loves that accepted him for better or worse wants to disown him. You KNEW from the beginning and have probably spent most of those 11 years punishing him for what you had accepted and something he can't control. And you're having an affair on top of it?? CHRIST! Can you see outside yourself? Have some damn respect woman! You are the fucking bully here! Manipulative as shit! It's out of character for me, but, seriously, you disgust me with your selfish, all righteous attitude. Whatever karma dishes you will be your just deserts...

I have taken him to hypnotherapy, but he was resistant so it didn't work. I never cheated while we were together. We are broken up now... Separated. I was supportive and loving for many years. I have reached my wits end. His denial that there is a problem led to him not seek help. I understand that this is humiliating to him, but he needs to face it if he wants to be in a relationship. He told me that the premature ejaculation was because he was tired when we were dating... While he knew he always had this problem.
I would NEVER say anything bad about him to our kids. Actually, he is the one that does those kinds of things. He has not been a good husband in many other ways... You shouldn't judge me if you aren't in my shoes.
My only hesitation to leave is the kids! My question was what you would do?

IS HIS TONGUE BROKE?
CAN'T AFORD A VIB?
OR ONLY LOVE HIS PENIS?

His tongue works but he avoids all physical contact. I have a chest full of toys.... But it's not just about sexual gratification. It's about connecting with your partner. I don't feel connected to him at all. He might as well be my brother!

HE IS EMBARSSED BY HIS PROBLEM HE NEEDS TO GET TO A DOCTOR
THEY HAVE MANY WAYS OF HELPING PEOPLE OUT NOW
I READ THAT 3 OUT OF 10 MEN AND 4 OUT OF TEN WOMEN WILL
HAVE A SEXUAL PROBLEM DURING THERE LIFE
YOU KNOW
TO LONG TO SHORT
CAN'T GET IT UP IT WON'T GO DOWN
TO FAST TO SLOW
TO WET TO DRY
AND THE WORST OF ALL COCKEYED

I agree with P. Love keeps a couple together. If you don't have love, then you don't have anything else.

But I guess with alot of people, there's "deeper" issues and love never comes into the equation.
People sometimes just want "perfection" even when it comes to something like this.

perfect abs, perfect buns, perfect hair, perfect this that, perfect stiffy.

What happens when you grow old and alone? Will you keep getting face-lifts, working out at 80 years old?
when your hip gives out?

Posted by Sunnyscorp
Viagra does not help the premature ejaculation. Even if he could last a little longer after the 3rd round thanks to the Viagra, he's still not a good lover. He says the Viagra gives him a headache.
I tried everything to make him get help for years. I even told him that I would find a lover. Now that I have made him move out of our room and took off my wedding ring he is starting to be nice and say he will do anything to work things out. The problem for me is that it feels too late.

The only things that keep me married to him are the kids and the financial stability. Or else I would be l would be long gone.

Sex is the glue that keeps couples together. I have some doubt about his sexuality and sexual identity. He has fooled around with boys as a teenager and was also molested by a man. He also really like to dress like a slutty woman for Halloween and becomes feminine when he drinks.

Oh goodness... As I write this I am wondering wtf I've been thinking all these years staying in this misery.

I can't help but feel bad for filing for divorce and splitting up our family.

I can't stay faithful to him in this marriage. I have told him that I won't.
I do finally have a lover since we have been separated and let me tell you... This Scorpio has been really missing out on sex!!! I feel alive when I have a sex life. Being married to him has been so depressing!

this was all you needed to know..you're his beard,plain n simple

Many of my friends say I'm his beard too. maybe I've been in denial.
He has gone to the dr and everything is physically fine. This is a mental issue.

Love may hold a relationship together but nothing can save a marriage based on lies.

I was my ex's beard. I didn't find out the extent of his sexual preference until after we divorced. Very eye opening. The worst thing about it was he LIED to me for our whole relationship BUT he was also lying to himself.

I know this because the first thing he did when we separated was to start dating a business associate of ours. What an asshole. Probably thought it would make me jealous but I actually encouraged it... that's how over him I was. Turns out things went sour when she wanted to sleep with him and he wouldn't/couldn't perform. *divorce tip* Don't screw around the office or you'll become water cooler fodder.

It wasn't me or any medical condition. Eventually he made some confessions about his past.

He is much happier now living his life (in secret). He is a good father but was a lousy husband so do everyone involved a favour... give your husband back his balls and move on. Sounds like he may have sacrificed them in this marriage but would rather place them in another's hands... iykwim

I have. It wasn't a big deal.

I'm not quite sure what to say to you, but reading your posts....he's better off without you. Seriously.

One last thing, I am wondering what is the point of this thread since you seem to have already made up your mind about staying with this man or not. The only thing I can conclude is that it is to humiliate your husband or do you simply want a few strangers to co-sign your BS? Maybe a bit of both....

What I don't understand is how you're asking questions if the Cancer you're banging is for real or *playing* you... while you are here trying to decided if you'll stay with your husband or not?

I think you are playing everyone involved.

I also didn't divorce my ex because the sex was non-existent. I divorced him because the marriage was over. The stuff I found out after was confirmation NOT a justification.

LISAB

FACE LIFT NA
WORKING OUT AT 100 IF I LIVE THAT LONG

"For the person who asked about viagra...he couldn't ejaculate at all...even after 20 minutes"

HELLO! 20 minutes would be actually NORMAL. I suppose you simply got board. *smh*

Stick with men who prematurely ejaculate, you'll be happier in the end!

What's with all the fuss about premature ejaculation anyway? I'd take it as a compliment. I'm THAT hot!?

Dick is not the end all be all!! I've always been partial to a little digital manipulation myself 😉

Posted by feby16aqua

Posted by lildol
What's with all the fuss about premature ejaculation anyway? I'd take it as a compliment. I'm THAT hot!?

lol I think the same way 😛 I guess that if it's always like that, it could leave someone wanting it for a bit longer.

click to expand

I am hot? that's nice. I am also horny, can you wait?

Sexual incompatibility is a huge deal breaker. The only way I would tolerate an impotent man is after decades of passionate sex, when we are both in our seventies and his penis nerves have been damaged during his prostate cancer treatment.

I don't feel sorry for Sunny scorpios's husband. If he manages to ejaculate prematurely sometimes, it means he gets his pleasure almost effortlessly. His refusal to undergo treatment may suggest he's not bothered about his SD or about his wife's distress, which could happened because he found out that he can actually perform sexually outside of his main relationship. Some people can't screw what they love and can't love what they screw.

Getting a secret FB in this case its beneficial for both parties involved, if they want to continue their sexless relationship.

OP, get a FB and stop nagging or putting your husband under pressure. If all our needs would be fulfilled at home, we would never leave the house. Make sure he never finds out, though.

Alternatively, get yourself a lawyer and ask for divorce. You don't have to find a new partner in advance. Kids don't need a man in the household to get fed, dressed and schooled.

I DON'T OFTEN HAVE A PROBLEM GETTING IT UP BUT WHEN I DO I LOOK AT AN AVE OF(BEST NOT PRINT HER NAME)
AND IF I HAVE AN ERECTION THAT LAST OVER 4 HOURS I JUST LOOK A P ANGLE NUDE THAT FOOT LONGER DROPS DOWN TO 1 1/2 IN NO TIME

Posted by james tate
I DON'T OFTEN HAVE A PROBLEM GETTING IT UP BUT WHEN I DO I LOOK AT AN AVE OF(BEST NOT PRINT HER NAME)
AND IF I HAVE AN ERECTION THAT LAST OVER 4 HOURS I JUST LOOK A P ANGLE NUDE THAT FOOT LONGER DROPS DOWN TO 1 1/2 IN NO TIME

HEHE! Talking about people who can't screw what they love....and here's one!

I signed my divorce papers today. I found out that he took cialis with him on a business trip.... While he told me how committed to our marriage he was before he left. He will be back on Sunday night and he will be served Tuesday.
There is no point for either one of us to carry in like this.

Thanks for the support. This was the right thing to do. He probably has been cheating on me this whole time. I always had a feeling he was, but he was so good at lying about it.

In looking forward to a better future!

I told my husband that I could no longer stay committed to him. He told me that he was committed to me as long as we are married. The difference is the deception.

How about letting him sleep around? Maybe it's not just him, ijs.

Posted by BlueSandCacoon
How about letting him sleep around? Maybe it's not just him, ijs.

Most people can't deal with an open relationship.

Divorce in this case is almost a happy ending. Good luck to Sunny Scorpio!

Posted by Sunnyscorp
I told my husband that I could no longer stay committed to him. He told me that he was committed to me as long as we are married. The difference is the deception.

You're joking right?


LOL, Get the f*ck outta here wid dat.

Posted by MellyMel909

Posted by Sunnyscorp
I told my husband that I could no longer stay committed to him. He told me that he was committed to me as long as we are married. The difference is the deception.

Whhhhaaaaatttt? I'm sorry, I've read the entire thread and it seems to me that the issue is Ego. Not deception.

click to expand

+1

Nvm. Just read the rest, haha.

Good luck to you.

Posted by lildol
What's with all the fuss about premature ejaculation anyway? I'd take it as a compliment. I'm THAT hot!?

I dont know if I have it or not but I cant help it.

Must be a thing about CAP Women 😉

I HAVE BEEN THINKING JUST HOW IMPOTENT IS THE GUY
THE CEO OF A BIG COMPANY OR WHAT?